I've Got You
by AJOregon
Summary: How Bravo went from Team to Family. Follows the story line starting with the helo crash.
1. Chapter 1

As the alarms went off and people yelled for the flares Jason, Clay and Trent knew they were in trouble. When the tail was hit they were thankful it missed them, but they knew they would be going down...and going down hard. As the helicopter spun its way down they were thankful that the pilot kept his cool and kept the rotors upright. Most of them were thrown from the helo on the last spin before the helo hit the ground nose first, Jason was thrown into the beam that was the edge of the opening hitting his head hard, the pilot was killed on impact and the co-pilot's legs were broken and twisted.

When Clay picked himself up he quickly realized he was on the ground a few yards from the helo and ran towards it. He heard Trent doing the same from the other side. As he saw Jason's head hanging out of the helicopter he hoped that the man was alive. When he saw that he was he breathed a sigh of relief...until he saw the blood dripping from the man's head and leg. As Clay tried to help his leader walk Jason yelled out in pain. He rushed to get him morphine as the bullets started flying.

Of course they would survive a crash only to be ambushed...why wouldn't they? Deep in enemy territory they were sitting ducks. Jason clung to Clay's voice, the only comfort in the chaos and the youngest member of Bravo quickly took charge of their situation. Seeing your brothers die...especially Medders, who was younger than he was who survived the crash with barely a scratch on him only get blown away with two rounds to his lungs; it messes with you. As Trent busied himself tending to the wounded Clay ran back to the downed helo to get supplies, hoping that he would be able to reach someone on SAT Comm only to find that he had no way to contact anyone from TOC.

 _Ray, Sonny and Brock watched in horror as the helo with their Brothers went down...hard. With no one able to tell them if their were survivors they circled back as close as they could firing on those who were ambushing their team. When the order came to get out of their Ray thought Sonny might jump out of the helo just to get to them. Landing several clicks away Ray had never seen the man run so quickly as to get to them. As they came upon two kids who were out hunting the two had a yelling match-Ray shutting Sonny down and pissing him off by pointing out that he was being emotional._

 _When they reached the top of the ledge overlooking the downed helo Ray did another coms check. Hoping, just hoping that someone had survived. "Any Bravo Element, this is 2. Coms check. Over." Ray said into his mic._

 _"About time." They heard Clay say and the team breathed a sigh of relief. They had at least one Brother still alive...and still a smart ass._

 _"Copy that 6. Coming to you. Do not fire to the west. I repeat. Do not fire to the west." Ray said before the team rushed down the side of the mountain._

Clay felt like he could breathe again hearing Ray's voice. Help was coming. "Hey Brother." Ray said a few minutes later when he reached his position.

"What's up Boys?" Clay said with a grin.

"Like what you've done with the place." Sonny said as he clapped Clay on the shoulder. "Reminds me of Pottery Barn."

As Clay led them back to the farmhouse he knew they were concerned with the rest of the team. "We took five causalities between the ambush and the crash."

"Any KIA?" Ray asked, still not seeing Jason as they walked into the farmhouse seeing Trent working on the co-pilot.

"Yeah." Clay said grimly.

"Jason?" Ray asked, they had seen him and Trent dragging him to the farmhouse before the pilot turned them away.

"He took a hard hit." Clay said looking towards the back room and seeing Jason wobbling towards them.

"How hard?" Ray asked.

"Not hard enough." Jason said as he stumbled his way out of the back room, relying on the wall to keep him upright.

It didn't take long for Ray, Sonny and Brock to see that Bravo 1 was down for the count as far as anything tactical, despite his constant mantra that he was fine. His head was NOT fine. As Ray communicated with TOC to come up with a plan Jason eventually went back into the room and sunk down against the wall. Seeing Sonny attach himself to Clay Ray decided to send the kid with him and Brock to take out the SAM. To get a little payback for what he had been through, and also to allow him time to assess Jason on his own.

As the remaining team held down the house Ray went into the back room to tell Jason that QRF was inbound and to get ready for ex-fill...only he wasn't there. Jason had gone out the window to go after Nouri. When Ray walked up on him he watched as Jason yelled at the dying man and it seemed like he was normal Jason again...only when he turned around there was something about his eyes, something was off.

When the two got back to the house to meet the rest of the team it became more obvious that someone was wrong...he seemed shocked when Clay told him about the two rounds that Medder's took to his lungs...that he wasn't dead, that he had been alive and talking...only he wasn't alive...he was dead when he had been dragged into the house. They didn't have time to think about that though because their ex-fill bird had arrived and they had to climb back into a helo after just crashing in one.

When Jason climbed into the first thing he did was feel for Medder's pulse, they had to have been wrong. He had just been talking to him. Finding no pulse Jason leaned back against the wall. As they went higher Jason felt Clay's hand grab onto his arm and he leaned his head against the Kid. He didn't know if it was more for Clay's comfort or his.

When Clay felt Jason's head lean against his arm he knew he had done the right thing reaching down to hold the Master Chief's arm. Logically he knew he should be scared to get back in a helo but he wasn't. That bird was his way to safety. A way to get Jason to a doctor, he knew there was more than just a concussion that the man was dealing with, he just didn't know what that was.

Clay didn't let go of Jason until they were both safely on solid ground. Ray immediately got in Jason's face demanding he get his head checked out. "Showers Kid." Clay heard Sonny say, pulling him from where he still stood by the helo. The adrenaline was wearing off and he just followed Sonny's voice. As he stood under the hot water watching the dirt and blood swirl down the drain he wanted to punch something. They shouldn't have lost five men today. They shouldn't have crashed. They were scheduled to go home at the end of the week and they almost died today.

"Stayin' in there all day Goldilocks?" Clay heard Sonny ask and he quickly shut off the water.

Once he was dressed he once again heard Sonny's voice, "Pretty Boy you going to stare at your reflection all day or are you coming with us back to the hooch?"

"Comin'." Clay mumbled, too lost in his own thoughts to come up with something sarcastic to say.

Once they were back in their quarters Clay sat down in his chair, staring at his laptop but never opening it. He heard Sonny yammering on, trying to get him to snap back at him but he couldn't. Finally Clay stood up and walked over and sat down on Sonny's bunk, he didn't have the energy to climb the ladder to his own.

Seeing the look on Clay's face Sonny shut his mouth right quick and sat down on his bunk next to him, "Jason is going to be fine." He told the Kid.

"The other five weren't." Clay said, looking down at his hands. "Echo team wasn't." He said a little louder. "Brian wasn't!" He snapped and looked over at Sonny as his eyes filled with tears.

"Dammit Kid." Sonny said, reaching over and squeezing Clay's shoulder until Clay crumbled and all of the emotion spilled out partially due to the adrenaline crash and partly because the Kid had held everything in for months.

As Clay let the tears fall Sonny pushed him over so he was laying down on his bed and he sat down on the floor, leaning back against the bunk. Clay reached for his shirt and held tight as he fell asleep, crashing quickly with the adrenaline. Sonny grabbed hold of Clay's wrist and held it as he too drifted to sleep. His brothers alive and safe.

When Ray came into their quarters he kicked Sonny's boot, "Where is Jace?" Sonny asked, not letting go of Clay's wrist.

"Went to talk with Mandy." Ray said, "Want to tell me what the hell you are doing on the floor."

"Is he okay?" Sonny asked, ignoring Ray's question.

"Says he is." Ray told him, crossing his arms and waiting for Sonny to tell him why he was on the floor.

"Adrenaline crash." Sonny told him.

"Kid was crying." Ray pointed out.

"Watched five Brothers die today."

"Jace said the kid did good." Ray told him.

"That all he say?"

"All that made sense."

"Doctor cleared him?"

"You want me to help get him in his own bunk?"

"Kid is fine." Sonny told Ray, feeling Clay tighten his grip on his shoulder. "Kid is fine."

 _Mandy watched Jason walk towards her, splitting from Ray's path to their quarters. She knew he wasn't okay. That his way of coping was the mission so she refilled her cup of coffee and greeted the Bravo Team Leader with a smile. "How are you feeling?" She asked, knowing he likely wouldn't tell her the truth._

 _"Leg hurts worse than my head and my head is on fire." He told her, surprising her, he didn't have the energy to lie._

 _"You should be in bed...probably in the hospital." She said, reaching out and touching his arm. As much as she tried to distance herself with the team something about Jason drew her in._

 _"Cutter." He said, launching into his story._

 _As he talked she packed up a laptop and he followed her back to her quarters, "If we are doing this you are going to do it laying down before you pass out." She said, pushing him down onto her bed before she sat down next to him._

 _"Norani said his brother was in Parachinar." Jason repeated for the hundredth time._

 _"You have to give me time to work." She told him, "Rest."_

 _"I cant...I close my eyes and I...I just cant."_

 _"You want me to get Amy?" Mandy asked in a judgy tone._

 _"No. I came to you. I need you." He said desperate._

 _Setting her laptop aside she looked at him, "Lay down." When he did she draped a blanket over him, "You are safe here."_

 _"I can't sleep." Jason told her and she saw the fear in his eyes._

 _Pulling her laptop so it was balancing on one knee she scooted over where Jason leaning into her side, "If you cant sleep, at least shut up long enough for me to work."_

 _As she typed, pulled up as many documents and dug though as much information as she could find she felt Jason melt into her side, quickly falling asleep._

 _Nearly ten hours later Jason was still asleep in her side when Ray knocked on her door before letting himself in, "He is suppose to go back to be rechecked." Ray said nodding to his still sleeping friend. "He been out the whole time?"_

 _"About ten hours."_

 _"He seem okay to you?"_

 _"PTSD." Mandy said, "He was scared to sleep."_

 _"You think his head is okay?"_

 _"His leg seems to hurt worse."_

 _"It should. It is full of stitches. He was hit with a piece of one of the blades. Trent said it missed anything major but it was big."_

 _"You give me a few minutes and I will get him over there." She said closing her laptop._

 _"Thanks Mandy." Ray said before walking out._

 _"Jace?" Mandy said as she ran her fingers through his hair, "You need to get back to med for your recheck."_

 _"Safe here." He mumbled, still asleep._

 _"You need to go to med so that when I get the green light you can go after Abad." She said knowing the name alone would be enough to wake him._

 _"You found something?" He asked, opening his eyes and sitting up, wincing when he moved his leg._

 _"Tell me the truth...is your head okay to do what you want to do?"_

 _"It's not my head that is the problem...it is my head." He said looking at her with sad eyes._

 _"Would you tell me if it wasn't right?" She asked._

 _"How long have you known me."_

 _"After this one your team is going home."_

 _"That is not..."_

 _"After this one your team is going home."_

 _"You coming with us?"_

 _"Jason if we do this today...I need your head right."_

 _"I need to do this Mandy." Jason said, tears in his eyes that he refused to let fall, "For Steve."_

Six hours later the mission had the green light. Bravo team was going to get Abad then they were going home. It was a deal Mandy made with Blackburn for Jason's sake, she knew that from her quarters he went over to Amy's before med and she saw her pack up and disappear a few minutes later. They were really going to do this. They were going after Cutter and expose all of the corruption that resulted from the war.

As Bravo team carried out their mission she was with Davis on over-watch. As the guys sacked out one by one she laid down on the floor under the table to get a couple hours of sleep while Davis kept watch and then they switched, neither one wanting to leave in case something happened again. Once the family feud let up Abad and two security guys tried to escape out the back and the guys were on it. They had him down and within minutes they were on their way back to the base knowing this time they had taken down the men who had taken out Echo Team.

Once they were back Davis pulled Jason aside with the list he had asked for about Steve's things. Five minutes later the two of them plus Mandy were digging up Steve's garden. Five minutes after that Mandy was loading the hard drive info onto her computer and they were coming up with a plan to take down Cutter.

 _As the rest of the team was sitting around, halfway lifting weights and just goofing off Blackburn walked over and pulled Sonny aside. "You asked me to talk to some people, track down Danny Cooper? He is in the VA in Hampton." Erik told him once they got away from the group. "Danny's a civilian now so his records are sealed and it was hard to get the nurse to talk but from what I could put together the Virginia Beach police found him in his car with a needle in his arm."_

 _"Son of a bitch." Sonny said, looking over to where Davis was standing._

 _"Yeah well, that's not the compassionate response I was expecting."_

 _"I don't mean him...I mean this whole damn situation." Sonny said leaning against the truck and putting his head down briefly, "What the hell am I suppose to tell Davis?"_

 _"You could start with the truth, it is always easiest to remember." Erik said patting Sonny on the shoulder before walking away. Erik knew that him and Davis were close, that Danny was both of their friends...and he knew that Sonny didn't handle emotion very well._

 _"Thanks Boss." Sonny said before Erik was out of earshot._

Jason, having the information from the hard drive rushed over to Cutter's office building, storming into the office and very calmly, for him, laid out the facts. Cutter was done. When Cutter refused to admit it on record Jason left even more pissed off than he went in. He went to Davis and asked for a map of the base before going back to find Mandy. She was able to talk him down from murdering the man by agreeing to share all of the information with her buddy at the press...the one whose Daddy was a Senator. Rather than being tried in court he would be tried in the public eye and his life as he knew it was over. It wasn't the same as putting a bullet between his eyes but it was as close as he could get.

Still amped up Jason went to find Ray...and by find I mean confront. As the two argued, in a way that two brothers argue Jason knocked him down. Used the worst things he had against him. Told him he couldn't trust him...that until his shoulder was fixed he was off Bravo... only he wasn't doing it because he was mad at Ray, at least not entirely. He was doing it because he couldn't have his second in command question where his head was at. Ray could read him like a book though and instead of yelling back he just let Jason get it out...knew that eventually the man would calm down. Knew that if it came to it Jason would always have his back, the man knew no other way. He also knew that his shoulder needed surgery...and until it was medically cleared there was no point in arguing with the man.

 _Sonny stuck close to Clay as they packed up and boarded the plane home. Finally, when Sonny clipped his hammock right next to Clay's after take off Clay finally said something. "This plane not big enough for you?" Only he didn't receive a response from his smart ass brother and he instantly saw just how not okay Sonny Quinn actually was and he sat back up, thankful he had not yet taken the Ambien that Davis had given him. "I suck at charades Brother...what's going on?"_

 _Ignoring the 2nd clip for his hammock he slid down to the floor against the crate and after clipping the hammock for him Clay sat down next to him, "Danny is in the ICU. Cops found him with a needle in his arm."_

 _"Davis's Danny?"_

 _"My BUD/S Brother Danny...and yes."_

 _"Shit."_

 _"What am I suppose to tell her?"_

 _"She doesn't know?"_

 _"Blackburn looked into it for me."_

 _"How long?"_

 _"A while."_

 _"When are you going to tell her?"_

 _"She is taking me back to my apartment...was going to tell her we need to detour." Sonny shrugged._

 _"You want me to go with you?"_

 _"You have Stella."_

 _"You call me Sonny I will be there."_

 _"You don't really know Danny."_

 _"Wouldn't be going for Danny."_

 _"I don't do so good when we are off rotation."_

 _"You saying you are going to miss me?"_

 _Sonny just looked at Clay and the youngest member of Bravo Team watched as Sonny's eyes filled with tears. "The crash...we thought we lost you."_

 _"Right here Brother." Clay said leaning his shoulder into Sonny's._

 _"How long do you think we will be off rotation?"_

 _"Few months...until Ray's shoulder is fixed and they know Jason's head is okay."_

 _"I'm not going to make it..."_

 _"We will be fine."_

 _"Easy for you to say, you have Stella to go home to."_

 _"We've got you Brother." Clay said, "You take your Ambien?" Sonny held it up. "Take it." When Sonny wavered, "Take it Brother, I am right here."_

 _They sat there on the floor of the plane until Sonny started leaning into Clay's side, the medicine taking effect, "Come on Brother." Sonny grabbed hold of Clay's hand and let the Kid help him into his hammock.  
_

 _"Pretty Boy?" Sonny asked when Clay stepped away._

 _"Yeah Brother?"_

 _"You will really come if I call?"_

 _"Any time, any day."_

 _"Okay." Sonny said closing his eyes._

 _Clay moved his hammock closer to Sonny so that when he was in it their shoulders would be touching. What Sonny said, about not making it...and having Stella go home to he thought back to his first deployment and coming home. Being away from the brothers, and sisters, that he ate, drank, fight and slept next to for months on end makes you feel like a part of you is missing._

Instead of setting up a hammock like the rest of Bravo Team, Jason sat down on the straps and put his head in his hands. Mandy saw Erik watching him too and once everyone else had found a place to nest for the next eighteen hours she moved over and sat next to him. "We got them Jason." She said, only loud enough for him to hear.

Mandy saw him nod into his hand and felt his leg move to it was touching hers and she put her hand on his back pulling him towards her. After a couple minutes he lifted his head and looked at her with tears in his eyes, "I didn't have sex with Amy."

"Not my business Jace."

"Steve talked to her...I..."

"You Team guys...Jason it is okay to show them when you are not okay."

"I had to tell them it was okay to sleep in Echo Team's beds...I couldn't tell them that I..." Jason told her.

"You didn't sleep this deployment. You were reckless. You almost died." Mandy said, her voice breaking.

"But we got them." Jason said bumping his shoulder against hers.

"You want to tell me what is going on with your head?"

"I keep seeing them."

"Them who?"

"The ones we lost."

"PTSD?" She asked, Jason nodded. "Your leg?"

"Still hurts."

"Concussion?'

"Is nothing."

"You need to sleep." Mandy told him. When Jason looked at her again she felt the pain in his eyes, "I will be right next to you for the next 13 hours." Jason laid down with the top of his head touching her leg and she moved her leg so he was using it for a pillow. "Close your eyes Jason." He did. "Relax." He did. "Breathe." He did. "Sleep." She said, cupping his face and neck in her hand.

When his lips parted in sleep she leaned back to relax but kept her hand on him. Seeing Erik staring at her she nodded at him and like she suspected he walked over and stood in front of them. "They talk to you and Davis."

"Yes."

"They okay?"

"You already know the answer to that."

"How long do they need to be off rotation?"

"Six months." Mandy said, daring him to argue.

"Why that long?" Erik said thinking she would say a few weeks.

"Ray needs surgery to fix his shoulder."

"Jason already said he would be teaching green team until he was cleared. What else?"

"Pretty sure Sonny has something going on...and I doubt they got all the shrapnel out of him." When Erik nodded like he knew she wondered what was going on, "Sonny let Clay sleep in his bed after the crash. Two have been together since then and I have never seen Sonny attach himself to anyone like he has with the Kid."

"What about him?" He asked, nodding to Jason.

"He needs to actually talk to a therapist."

"PTSD or concussion?"

"Both."

"What did you say to him to calm him down?"

"Told him to lay down." Mandy said, looking down at the sleeping team leader.

"You told him to lay down?" Erik asked in disbelief.

"Like you said, they talk to Davis and I."

"Before this deployment you didn't let them in."

"What are you asking?"

"What changed?"

"Lost Echo Team...and I have been attached to Bravo for over a year...I can only hold out for so long."

"Jason came to you after the crash."

"Not a secret. He talked to Davis too."

"Is he okay?"

"Jason, Steve and Adam came up together from what I gather. Their kids all grew up together. Nate and Ray... Sonny, Danny and Davis...you have different generations separated by a couple years. Jason has been a team guy for two decades, leading Bravo nearly half that time... team guys go to their older brothers... older ones look out for the younger ones."

"So Jason hasn't had anyone to talk to."

"Him and Nate were best friends...and Alana..."

"Is he going to be okay?"

"Give him time."

"Six months?"

Mandy looked down at Jason as he slept and she ran her thumb across his cheek and he rolled into her, "I think being off rotation will be almost as hard for them as being deployed."

"You care about them." Erik said, "They trust you."

"Trust is earned."

"I have never seen Jason relaxed before." He told her with a sad smile.

"Glad we got them all home."

"You ever try to talk to them like that?"

"Six months?" He said, not acknowledging what she asked him.

"Nate!" Jason yelled out in his sleep nearly falling to the floor of the plane in the process and Mandy immediately pulled him into her, wrapping her arms around him and repeating his name until he wrapped his arms around her, gripping her shirt tightly and burying his face in her neck.

"You are safe here." Mandy whispered into his ear as she looked at Erik who she was surprised to see had tears in his eyes. "I've got you Jace...you are safe." she told him again as she pulled him back down to the straps, this time making herself as comfortable as she could to hold him.

"Nate." She heard him cry into her shoulder and as she felt him start to shake as his breath got hotter and her shirt soaked through with his tears.

She leaned her head against his and held him into her, looking up to see Erik wiping his own eyes as he walked towards the back of the plane. Ray walked over and sat down next to them a few minutes later and kissed the top of Jason's head, "Got you Brother." He said, only loud enough for Mandy and Jason to hear. He stationed himself where Mandy could lean on his shoulder as she held Jason and that was how they stayed for several hours.

As the plane touched down Mandy watched as Jason put his mask back on and said goodbye to all of his guys before climbing into his own truck. After watching all the others leave she went and climbed into the passenger seat of Jason's truck. "Call Alana and tell her that you are back safe but you are going to stay with me for a few days." He didn't argue and instead drove straight to her apartment, following her inside and plopping himself down on the couch.

 _"Uh Davis...we need to make a detour before you drop me off." Sonny said as he and Davis walked towards her car._

 _"I'm not going to a bar our first day back."_

 _"Forgot how clean it is here."_

 _"You always say that."_

 _"I do?"_

 _"Yes."_

 _"Now, there's no dust, and dirt's in the ground where it should be."_

 _"This what you wanted to talk to me about-on the plane?"_

 _"Nah. But I do think we should stop somewhere, uh, before you drop me off."_

 _"Stop somewhere? Wait you don't think its just a little bit early for all that? Or maybe you just realized you forgot toilet paper?"_

 _"Yeah...It's Danny." Sonny said once they were in the car._

 _"What?"_

 _"Look, look...I wanted to tell you earlier, but I just...I just couldn't find the right moment."_

 _"Okay Sonny, you're scaring me, so just go ahead and tell me."_

 _"Blackburn told me that he's in a little bit of trouble."_

 _"Talking about Blackburn told you something? Why-why would Blackburn..."_

 _"Davis look at me...its drugs. Okay? And he's not doing good."_

 _"What? He od'd?"_

 _"He relapsed. Cops found him in his car."_

 _"Where is he?"_

 _"He's at the VA Hospital." Sonny told her, and that is where they went. By the time Sonny caught up to her she was standing outside the doors to Danny's room with tears streaming down her face. When he looked through the windows he felt the tears fall from his and he wrapped her in his arms. Their friend was hooked up to life support, tubes and hoses everywhere._

 _"The nurse said tomorrow they are going to take him off life support. He hasn't had any brain activity since they brought him in." Lisa told Sonny._

 _"Fuck." Sonny mumbled, he figured it was bad from what Blackburn told him...if Danny would have been aware that they were looking for him he would have called back himself._

 _"I can't...I can't lose anyone else." Lisa said out loud as Sonny was thinking it._

 _"They...they can't do anything?" Sonny asked, feeling his legs drop out from underneath him as he slid down to his knees._

 _"We need to say goodbye." Lisa said as she took a deep breath and bent down to Sonny's level. "You with me 3?" Lisa asked gently._

 _After a second Sonny stood up, looked at his friend and pushed his way through the door into Danny's room. Sonny sank down into the chair that was next to the bed as Lisa sat gently on the bed next to Danny's lifeless body. "You could have had the world." She whispered, "Why?" She asked him, squeezing his hand gently even though she knew she wouldn't get an answer._

 _"Davis?" Sonny said, barely above a whisper._

 _"Yeah?"_

 _"That man has been standing outside the door watching us for the last twenty minutes."_

 _When Lisa turned around to look the man walked in, "Lisa?" The man asked and she stood up and the two embraced._

 _"Sonny this is Danny's brother." She said, recognizing him from a photo Danny had shown her._

 _"Hey Brother." Sonny said, trying to blink away the tears that had been in his eyes since they walked into the hospital._

 _"My parents have already been here to say their goodbyes. When Erik called yesterday and said you were on your way back and had been trying to track him down...they didn't find his phone or anything on him...we didn't know...but the last time I talked to him he said he had been staying with Lisa."_

 _"Is there anything we can do?" Lisa asked._

 _"No. The VA is going to cover the burial. We lost Danny a long time ago...seeing him a few months ago...it was like he was saying his goodbyes...he said he was going to come down here and see an old buddy...then we heard about Lisa...then... my mom got the call three weeks ago."_

 _"Who is going to be with him when...?" Sonny asked._

 _"My parents flew home this morning. I will fly home with his body the day after tomorrow." Danny's brother said with no emotion._

 _"So are you going to be with him when they take him off life support?" Sonny rephrased._

 _"No." The man said, "The doctor called and said that two people were here with him and I wanted to see if it was...anyway, they are taking him off life support at 3am when the law dictates he is legally brain dead."_

 _"The law?" Sonny said, feeling the anger bubbling up inside of him. This man was talking about his brother like he was nothing...Danny wasn't nothing._

 _"Is it okay if we stay with him?" Lisa asked, moving over and sitting down on Sonny's lap to keep him from losing his shit._

 _"Do what you want. All the paperwork is signed."_

 _"Do you even know your brother?" Sonny seethed, "Know what Danny has been through?"_

 _"I know he had the choice to enlist or go to jail and we only saw him a couple times after that...after he was blown up and then again after he was addicted to pain killers. The brother I knew...he didn't make it back home." The man shrugged. "Stay as long as you want." He said before turning and walking out of the room._

 _"What in the God damn fucking hell is wrong with that cock sucking mother fucker?" Sonny blew up as soon as he was out of the room and Lisa slapped her hand over his mouth to quiet him before they got kicked out. "Danny was a hero. A fucking SEAL!"_

 _"I know who Danny is." Lisa said, moving her hand from his mouth to his cheek, "I know who he is."_

 _"Fuck!" Sonny said, sitting back down in the chair. Lisa sat back down next to Danny and traced the lines on his face, watching the artificial movement on the ventilator breathing for him. "Davis...I...fuck!"_

 _"You told Clay on the plane, didn't you? After Blackburn talked to you...you told Clay." When Sonny just looked down at his hands she moved from the bed to the armrest of the chair, "Sonny Quinn you have never kept anything from me before."_

 _"I didn't know how to...and Blondie was...when he...I...so when I...he..."_

 _"Thank you." Lisa said, leaning down and kissing his cheek. "Thank you for not telling me on the plane."_

 _"I couldn't save him." Sonny said, pulling down the bill of his hat and covering his eyes with his hand, "I should have saved him and I couldn't."_

 _"Sonny this isn't your fault."_

 _"We almost lost Jason and Clay...and I couldn't do anything...I couldn't save them..."_

 _"Sonny they are okay. You all made it home."_

 _"Jason asked me to look after Clay...and I almost lost them both."_

 _"Sonny do you want me to call the boys?" Lisa asked him._

 _"They didn't know Danny."_

 _"Does it matter?"_

 _"I do not do so well when we are off rotation."_

 _"Tell me something I don't know." Lisa said with a smile as she lifted Sonny's hat so she could see his face. "I'm calling Jason."_

 _"The Kid." Sonny said looking into Lisa's eyes. "I will call Clay."_

"Hey Brother, Miss me already?" Clay answered on the first ring.

"Can you uh..."

"Where?"

"VA Hospital. Danny's room." Sonny told him.

"I will text you the room number." Lisa said over Sonny.

"On my way." Clay said before hanging up his phone and jumping out of bed.

"Where are you going?" Stella asked him.

"VA Hospital."

"I thought you said everyone was okay?"

"Danny. Sonny and Lisa are there with him and..."

"And they need you."

"Stella..."

"I'm not mad...is there anything I can help with?" She asked, surprising Clay.

"I don't...I really don't know...Blackburn told Sonny that the police found him with a needle in his arm...and him and Davis...they were a thing before we left but...they came up together...the three of them."

"Go. Let me know if you need anything." Stella said, crawling over and kissing him as he threw on his shirt.

"I will text you." He said as he was running out the door.

When he got there he looked down and saw what room number they were in and skipped the elevator and ran up the stairs, stopping only when he got to the doors to Danny's room. Pausing only long enough to see Sonny staring at his hands and Davis sitting on the bed holding Danny's arm against her.

"Hey." He said quietly as he walked through the door.

"Hey Clay." Lisa said, turning around and allowing Clay to see the tear tracks down both her cheeks.

"What is the..."

"They turn off life support at 3am." Lisa told him. Clay looked down at his watch and saw that it was after ten and looked back at Davis. "His parent's left this morning...his brother left a few hours ago."

"Some brother he is...that fucker didn't even have the God Damn decency..." Sonny started to rant.

"Woah Brother." Clay said walking over to him and putting a hand on his shoulder, "Some people aren't as good with emotions as you." Clay smirked and Lisa laughed.

"I do not get emotional." Sonny barked at him.

"That line doesn't sound familiar at all." Davis said, looking to Sonny.

"Why three?" Clay asked, his hand still on Sonny's shoulder.

"Amount of time to legally declare him brain dead." Lisa answered before Sonny had the chance.

"There no chance that he will wake up?"

"He hasn't had any brain activity since they brought him in."

Clay looked between Sonny and Davis and over to Danny before grabbing a folding chair and setting it next to where Sonny sat. "Tell me about him. I only met him when we were hanging out at the bar...didn't know him before...tell me about him."

As the two took turns telling stories of the three of them over the previous decade Clay watched the time click by on the clock on the wall. Around 2 Davis laid down, wrapping Danny's arm around her as she snuggled her back into his side and she closed her eyes, listening as Sonny continued to tell stories.

A quarter to three a nurse came in and smiled seeing Lisa laying in bed with Danny, "I am glad his family made it home to be with him."

"Will he be in any pain?" Sonny asked her.

"The doctor will give him morphine. Then he will disconnect the tubing for the ventilator. They won't pull the tubing out because it could be painful. When the machine is no longer pushing oxygen into his lungs his heart will stop. Just like going to sleep."

"So no pain?" Sonny asked again.

"No pain."

"How can you be sure?"

"I promise you that we will take care of your Brother and he will feel no pain." The nurse said to Sonny.

"Who all will be in here?" Lisa asked, not opening her eyes.

"Myself and the doctor. And the three of you."

"How long will it take?"

"Not long, maybe a couple minutes. Once his heart stops the doctor will record the time and we will step out. You can take as much time as you would like."

 _Mandy and Jason were at the Taco Joint that he went to after every deployment. When they were ordering Mandy noticed he was off but it wasn't until he wandered away and was talking to someone that she couldn't see did she realize just how off he was. She told the lady at the counter, asked them to help clear the area so she could get him and go. When he knocked a table over, stumbling backwards she could see the terror in his eyes and got into his face. "Jason!" "Hey! You are safe. Look at me Jason. My eyes. Who do you see?"_

 _"Mandy?" He asked, "What the hell are you doing here?"_

 _"Here where Jace?" She asked, putting her hands on his arms and holding him steady._

 _"We are..." He started, then finally looked around and saw the chaos he had caused in the restaurant. "Sorry...sorry..." He said trying to pull away and run but she stopped him._

 _"We are going to take our food to go and we will go where it is quiet." She told him, "You with me?"_

 _"Yeah...yeah...I'm with you." He said not daring to move._

 _As the manager brought over their food in a bag Mandy tried to pay him for the disturbed plates that Jason had knocked over but he pushed her away, "Take care of this guy...without him we wouldn't have half of our business."_

 _"Let's go." She said to Jason as she ushered him out and to his truck where she had him climb in the passenger seat. "Do you want to go home or to the hospital?"_

 _"I don't...I..."_

 _"I will take you back to my place but tomorrow I am taking you in to talk to someone."_

 _"Mandy?" Jason asked._

 _"Yeah?"_

 _"Don't leave."_

 _"I wont."_

 _Once they got back to the apartment they ate their food in silence and then she led Jason into her room, locking the bedroom door behind them...if he did wake up and freak out it would be one more barrier to him getting away from her. "Aren't you worried I will hurt you?"_

 _"Bravo 1, I have seen the things you have done...the lengths you have gone to protect your people...and I am one of your people...so no...I am not afraid of you hurting me."_

 _"That makes one of us." He mumbled as he stood at the edge of the bed._

 _"Take your boots off at least before you get into my bed." Mandy said as she kicked off her own shoes. She grabbed an over sized tee with the Bravo insignia on it and slipped into a pair of yoga pants before looking over at Jason who still hadn't moved._

 _She slowly walked over to him and put her hands on his arms again like she had done in the restaurant. "I am here...I just..."_

 _"I am going to help you." She told him. When he nodded she reached for his shirt, pulling it off and setting it on the dresser. When she looked at him again he knew she was asking about his pants...he nodded again and she unbuttoned his pants and slid them off his hips as he sat down on the edge of the bed. "Foot Jace." She said reaching to untie his boots. She traced the line of stitches that ran nearly the length from his hip to his knee. "Does it still hurt?"_

 _"Not bad." He said, looking her in the eye, "Why are you doing this?"_

 _"When the helicopter went down...you had to be alive...I knew you weren't okay...I saw them dragging you...every time you go out on a mission it has been from my intel...my research...and when...I just need to know you are safe."_

 _"You keep me safe." Jason said staring into her eyes. "You do. You and Davis."_

 _"And now you need to get some sleep." She said, flipping the blanket down and motioning for him to lay down. "Hey," She said, seeing the fear in his eyes, "I keep you safe, remember?"_

"The doctor is standing outside the damn door watching us." Sonny said.

"It is three." Lisa said, "Times up."

"Do you want me in here or...?"

"Stay." Sonny and Lisa said in unison.

"Staying it is." Clay said, leaning forward and folding his hands and bowing his head.

"Are you praying?" Sonny asked him.

"Sonny!" Lisa snapped.

"I didn't know Pretty Boy was also a Churchy Boy."

"Fuck you Sonny." Clay said without looking up.

"Can you ask him to make sure he doesn't hurt?" Sonny asked.

"Ask Him yourself Sonny." Clay said turning his head and looking over at his Brother as the doctor walked in.

The doctor gave a sad smiled and nodded to the three of them and Lisa rolled over and put her arm around Danny, her hand resting over his heart. The doctor unhooked the vent hose from the mouthpiece, turned off the alarms and stepped back. When the monitor showed a flat line he looked up at the clock on the wall and walked out. As soon as the door swung shut the two men heard Lisa sobbing into Danny's chest and both of them instantly had tears in their eyes.

Lisa was one of the strongest women that they knew, she kept them alive and was able to put up with their shit without blinking. While Clay and Sonny knew the deployment had been hard on her she kept it to herself and put 100% into keeping them alive. They hated seeing her upset. They hated that one of their Brothers lost his life...and despite the fact that it was an overdose they knew it had been a failure of the military doing follow up care to someone who had given himself for his country.

"Come on Davis." Sonny said as he bent over and scooped her up in his arms, "Danny's gone." As Lisa clung to him Clay grabbed their things before they walked out.

Clay climbed into the driver seat of Lisa's car as Sonny climbed into the back, still holding her. He didn't know where else to go so he drove them back to his apartment. When he opened the apartment door he found Stella sitting on the couch grading paperwork. As Sonny walked in behind him he sat down on the couch next to Stella still holding Lisa who was now crying silently.

Stella walked over and wrapped Clay in a hug, "He is gone?"

Clay barely had time to nod before Sonny called out from the couch, "Please tell me Pretty Boy has something to drink."

Stella walked into the kitchen and pulled out a bottle of whiskey and handed it to Clay. "You want me to stay or go?" She asked.

"Stay." Clay said, fighting the tears that were burning his eyes. Stella kissed him before pushing him towards Sonny and Lisa. "Go be with your family."

"Oh Oh the good stuff. You got a good woman here Blondie. Don't fuck that up." He said grabbing the bottle and taking a swig, ignoring the glass that Clay was holding out.

"Davis you can lay down if you want." Clay said nodding towards his bedroom.

"I don't want to be alone." She whispered back.

"You aren't." Clay and Sonny said in unison as Sonny stood up, her still in his arms like she weighed nothing and carrying her into the bedroom, laying her in the middle of the bed Clay and Sonny laid down on either side of her.

Stella watched from the doorway as Lisa curled into Clay with Sonny holding both of them. As soon as Lisa fell asleep Clay closed his eyes, once Clay was asleep Sonny shut his. Stella walked into the bedroom and closed the shades knowing the sun would be coming up soon before covering the three of them with the blanket that had ended up on the floor from earlier that day and as she tucked it around Sonny he turned over and faced her, "I thought we lost him." He said, barely above a whisper as a tear slipped down his cheek.

"But you didn't." Stella whispered to him as she wiped the tear from Sonny's face, thankful that all of them had made it home, feeling like she knew Sonny better than anyone else on the team because it seemed like he was always in the background doing something obnoxious when her and Clay had a chance to talk during their deployment. "I am new to the whole team thing."

"So far you are doing pretty damn good." Sonny said reaching his arm around and putting his hand on the top of Clay's head.

"You treat him like he is your little brother." Stella said sitting down on the bed next to Sonny.

"Bravo's my family." Sonny told her. "Pretty Boy is as annoying as a little brother would be."

"You always made sure he would smile...even when he..."

"Did he tell you about the crash?" Sonny asked her, pulling his arm back down and resting it on his chest.

"Just said that him, Trent and Jason went down and you guys saved him."

"Their helo was shot down, it didn't just crash...Jason took a hard hit and the Kid really stepped up. Kept them alive while they were under heavy fire. Kept Jason calm when his head injury had him...scrambled."

"Danny?" Stella asked, anxious hearing the details from what Clay had been through.

"Danny, Davis and I came up together. When we were training for green team we got called up and our humv hit an ied. Danny got his leg blown up and they medically retired him...during his string of surgeries he got addicted to pain meds and it went from there. He would get cleaned up then would relapse. Before we left he was doing really good and Davis and him...they were kind of a thing but a few weeks in he stopped calling her back."

"That when he od-ed?"

"Don't know when exactly but Blackburn looked into it and we went from the plane to the hospital."

"You called Clay there but he didn't know Danny?"

"Pretty Boy and Davis talked during deployment...uhh...long distance relationship...uhh..." Sonny said, clearly unsure of what he should say.

"That...yeah..."

"And he did know Danny...he was in town a few weeks before we shipped out. Was usually with me or Davis at the bar in the evenings."

"Sonny who has your back?" Stella asked, putting her hand over his. When he shrugged she noticed him glance over at her sleeping boyfriend, "Clay?" She asked.

"Blondie has...uhh...the last couple weeks have been..."

"Sonny, you have been there for him...let me be here for you." Stella whispered to him and his eyes quickly filled with tears.

"Not in here." He whispered sitting up. She put her arm around him and led him back out to the couch. "I don't want to wake them up." Sonny said putting his head into his hands.

"I don't know what is okay to ask..." Stella told him, her arm still around him.

"He has a way of getting under your skin." Sonny told Stella, looking in at Clay and Davis.

"That he does." Stella said, leaning her head against his shoulder, her arm still around his back.

"I cant decide if I want to punch something or cry."

"So cry." She said pushing into his side. "You guys have been through too much and I know you can't talk about a lot of it but you cannot let it eat you alive."

When Sonny let out a sob Stella looked into the bedroom to see Clay's eyes on her. She put her finger to her lips and pointed at Lisa before turning her attention back to him. "You are safe here."

Sonny leaned into her and shook his head. "I am safer there." He exhaled through silent sobs.

Stella turned and pulled Sonny into her and held him, "We got you...and I know the rest of Bravo would say the same thing." As she held Sonny she started rocking him back and forth, still feeling Clay's eyes on her, "I got you." she repeated until he fell asleep.

When she looked up Clay was standing in front of her, "Thank you for doing that." He said, sitting down on the coffee table.

"What you do...it scares the crap out of me. I hate every second of it...but this...seeing how you guys take care of each other...Hell I think I have seen Sonny in his boxers more than I have seen you...the way you guys treat each other...I am trying Clay." She said with tears in her eyes.

"I know." He told her. "You want me to take him? You have to be exhausted too."

"I don't want to wake him." She whispered as Sonny let out a soft snore.

"He wont wake up...just have to keep a hand on his shoulder."

"He said he doesn't like to be home."

"When we are home he is alone...when we are gone...he always has someone with him...we don't even get to shower alone...maybe a curtain between us but he is never more than a few yards from any of us."

"Are you guys really okay after what happened?"

"I don't think I have been okay ever...but being with Bravo...I at least have a family now."


	2. Chapter 2

Waking up a few hours later Lisa was surprised to find herself in bed with Stella, sitting up she looked out to the living room where she saw Clay and Sonny sprawled out on the couch. "What can I do to help them?" Stella asked, waking up when Lisa moved.

"Don't give up." She said, looking over to face Stella. "Those two...more than anyone else on Bravo...they have my back and for someone like me...that means something."

"You guys have been through too much." Stella said pushing herself up so she was sitting shoulder to shoulder with Lisa. "Every time he walks out that door I am scared I will never see him again."

"It's not an easy life." She said, "It is even harder to leave it...Danny...he was a good one...but after he got hurt...he didn't just lose his leg he lost who he was."

"How long did you know him?"

"Danny and I met when he was halfway through BUD/S in Coronado, I was stationed out there. He wanted to date but being a female in the Navy...I kept turning him down. Him and Sonny were basically inseparable and I spent a lot of time hanging out with them. I got transferred out here right before they finished BUD/S and we stayed in contact and when they got stationed here we had a couple years together hanging out and goofing off before they were both called up to Green Team. Their first rollout on green team was when the hum-v hit the ied. A few weeks later while Danny was still in the hospital Sonny was called up to be on Bravo and I was assigned to Bravo a few weeks after that and have been attached to Bravo as support staff since."

"You aren't a SEAL though?"

"No. Someday I want to go to Officer Training School but for now..." She shrugged, "I love Bravo."

"With the crash are they going to be home for a while?"

"That isn't really how it works...but yeah...until Jason and Ray are medically cleared the team will be home...running drills, teaching Green Team, doing tactical planning and simulations for other teams that are rolled out."

"Was Danny's family at the hospital with you guys?" Stella asked.

"No. He hasn't had much contact with them since he got hurt."

"Funeral?"

"No. He will get a military burial where his parents live...we will hang his picture up on the wall at the Bar and do our thing there."

"So everything just goes on?"

"Yeah...something I am still not really used to. After Nate was killed Bravo Team was off and Jason refused to bring in anyone from another team...said it was better to be down a man than have someone else...we had Clay as a strap on a mission and he got under Jason's skin...Clay and Nate have the same smart mouth...but they also would do anything for the team..."

"Sonny said Clay took care of Jason after the crash...why didn't Trent?"

"Trent is the medic attached to Bravo...since there were others injured in the crash his focus was on them and Clay knew his role...did what he had to do...Ray and Sonny are Bravo's 2 and 3. Trent is 4. Brock 5..."

"Clay is Bravo 6."

"Since 2,3 and 5 were on the other helo and 4 was tending to the co-pilot..."

"Clay became 1?"

"He is still 6 but yeah...while Ray is out I have no doubt that Jason will put him as 2."

"What exactly does that mean?"

"Just that Jason will look to him for advice, expect him to have his back. He will be the first one through the door instead of the last."

"And when Ray comes back?"

"Clay will go back to 6."

"Just like that?"

"That is how it works in the Teams. Everyone has their place. Everyone is trained to jump to wherever they are needed."

"Why are you telling me all this?" Stella asked.

Lisa looked out at the two on the couch, "You are good for him...and this life is hard. They are not good at talking about it...especially with each other...I don't want to see Clay get hurt."

 _"Nate!" Jason woke up with a start._

 _"You are safe." Mandy yelled from the living room, surprised that Jason slept as long as he did._

 _Jason came out of the bedroom and sat on the couch next to her. "Drive me to the VA?"_

 _An hour later Jason was sitting in the waiting room of a psychologist's office scrolling through his text messages. Wanting to see how his team was doing but not wanting them to know how bad he was feeling. 'Danny died last night. Sonny, Davis and I are going to the bar tonight if you want to join.' He got in a group text from Clay._

 _"Who's Danny?" Jason asked Mandy who was sitting across from him in the waiting room._

 _"Davis's boyfriend...him and Sonny were on green team together...Why?"_

 _"Died last night."_

 _"Oh my God. Erik had me look into him last week...passed it off to one of my contacts here. Are Davis and Sonny okay?"_

 _"Just got a group text they are going to the bar tonight." Jason said waving his phone at her._

 _"Guess we know where we are going when we leave here then." She told him._

 _"Jason Hayes?" A nurse called out._

 _Jason stood up and handed her his phone, "Text them back. Don't tell them where I am."_

 _"What do you want me to say?"_

 _He shrugged, "You know them as well as I do." before disappearing down the hallway._

 _'Anything I can do?' She typed back._

 _'Bring Jason-and you come too.' Ray sent back to the group a few seconds later. Followed by a text to her phone from Ray, 'Tell me he is okay.'_

 _'He is with the doc now.' She told him, hoping she didn't need to go into detail._

 _'His idea?'_

 _'Yes.'_

 _'About damn time. Clay went to the hospital last night and stayed with Sonny and Davis until 3 when they pulled the plug. Brought them to his place. Is Jace good to be around people? Heard about the taco place.'_

 _'Word travels fast.'_

 _'Having lunch their now.' Ray sent back. "Shit." Mandy said out loud before pocketing her phone and calling Alana from Jason's._

 _"You haven't been home yet." She answered._

 _"Hey Alana." Mandy said._

 _"Is Jason okay?"_

 _"He is at the VA right now talking to a doc, I just wanted you to know he was safe."_

 _"I want him to come home." She told Mandy._

 _"We are all going to the bar tonight. One of Sonny and Davis's buddies died last night. Can you meet us there?"_

 _"Tell me when." She said, "And thank you Mandy...if he hasn't told you...thank you."_

 _"Around six." She said before answering a string of questions from Alana. The receptionist signaled to her that Jason was coming out and she quickly got off the phone._

 _When Jason walked out he had his hands in his pockets and was very stiff, he didn't say anything or even look at her as he walked past and she just got up and followed him out to the parking lot where they silently got into his truck. When he didn't look at her she drove back to her apartment where he walked in and sat down on the couch and put his head in his hands. As soon as she sat down on the couch he leaned into her and she wrapped her arms around him and he cried into her shoulder._ _As the crying turned to choking sobs she turned so she could hold him and rocked him in her arms, holding his head into her as his grip on her back tore into her skin. She couldn't help but wonder how he managed to hold it together with the Doc...and how he had kept everything in as long as he did._

 _Once his sobs subsided she leaned back so she could see his face, "It is okay to not be okay."_

 _"I had to talk about all of them." Jason told her as he tried to wipe the tears from his eyes._

 _"No." She said, pulling his hand away, "It is okay to not be okay."_

 _"It is going to take a long time before..."_

 _"Jason you won't ever be the same person as you used to be. Every day...every thing you go through in life it changes you."_

 _"I miss Nate." He said, moving to sit up but again she stopped him and he gave in and curled into her. As Mandy held him she allowed some of her own tears to fall. "I am making you sad." Jason said, feeling anger that he couldn't push the emotion down any further._

 _"No...you aren't. When your helo went down... I thought you were dead. But you aren't... you are here... and as much as I try to stay a step back from you team guys..."_

 _"You were scared?" Jason asked her, moving to sit up, this time pulling her into him._

 _"I have never been more terrified."_

 _"I wasn't scared until they told me Medders had been dead since they brought him into the house...he was talking to me...at least in my head he was...The Kid though...he kept telling me we were okay...that help was coming...I knew you and Davis would get us home...but getting onto that helo...I..I checked to see if he was actually dead...then my head just started spinning. Clay put his hand on my arm and squeezed it and didn't let up the entire ride back...I just closed my eyes and focused on my arm."_

 _"Clay slept in Sonny's bed that night. Sonny slept on the floor next to him." Mandy told him._

 _"What?" Jason asked, if Sonny was anything it was territorial...for him to have let Clay sleep in his bed..._

 _"Adrenaline crash. Heard Trent and Brock talking to about it."_

 _"I asked Sonny to look out for the kid."_

 _"Sonny does not let people in...and he voluntarily let Clay sleep in his bed...when Blackburn told Sonny about Danny he went to Clay...at the hospital...Sonny called Clay. Now that Danny is dead Clay took care of both Sonny and Davis."_

 _"You saying the Kid is a good fit for Bravo?"_

 _"I am saying that having him join Bravo may have been the smartest decision you have ever made."_

 _"We can't lose anyone else." Jason told her._

 _"Your team is off rotation for a while."_

 _"A few weeks." Jason confirmed._

 _"Months." Mandy told him._ _"Your head. Ray's shoulder. Months." Jason didn't argue, instead he leaned his head against Mandy and closed his eyes. "Come on." Mandy said standing up and taking his hand. "We both need sleep."_

 _"When do we need to be at the bar?"_

 _"Few hours." She said, setting an alarm on her phone._

 _"You told Ray and Alana didn't you?"_

 _"Apparently texting 'anything I can do?' is enough for them to know it isn't you typing." Mandy smirked, "And Ray heard about the taco place...wanted her to know you were safe." She said as she laid down on her bed._

 _"So they all know about?"_

 _"No. Ray sent me a text on my phone...besides, it is okay that they know you are in fact a human."_

 _"Cant lead if they are worried where my head is at."_

 _"Just shut up and go to sleep." She said scooting closer to him and putting her hand on his arm. The guys were all the same, try to act like they are invincible are really need to just be held._

 _"You are going to question where my head is before every mission now." Jason told her as he rolled to face her._

 _"It bad that I care about you?"_

 _"It is when I rely on you."_

 _"That why you went to Amy?"_

 _"I told you I didn't..."_

 _"Not what I asked Jace."_

 _"I can't talk to Alana about the things we do." He said scooting closer to her and she put her arm out, inviting him to snuggle into her and she wrapped her arm around him raking her fingers through his hair._

 _"I got you, go to sleep." She told him after a minute._

Clay, Sonny, Lisa and Stella went together to the bar, taking a detour to the local CVS to pick up a photo they ordered and a frame to hang on the wall. Sonny went up to the wall and hung the frame before walking over and getting a bottle from the bartender as Clay grabbed four glasses. Ray arrived a short while later with Erik, Trent and Brock following them in.

There was not much talking between the group, simple nods of hello before they ordered a pitcher of beer for the table. When Alana walked in she went over to Sonny and put her arm around his shoulders, when he looked up to see who it was that was all it took and he put his arms around her legs and he leaned into her, the tears falling as she rubbed her thumb on the back of his neck.

"Fuck." Lisa mumbled seeing Sonny break down and Stella pulled her into her side.

"You want to challenge some of these boys to a game of pool?" Stella asked her. With a slight nod the two stood up and walked over to the pool table, Trent and Brock following behind.

"Jace on his way?" Ray asked Alana as she continued to hold Sonny.

"Figured you would know more than me." Alana said, looking between Ray, Erik and Clay.

"He will be here." Clay said, "He will be here for Sonny and Davis."

Not two minutes later Jason and Mandy walked into the bar, Jason's face lighting up seeing Alana until he saw Sonny leaning into her. Jason walked over and kissed her on the cheek before squeezing Sonny's shoulder, "We got you." He told Sonny before walking over and sitting in the chair between Sonny and Clay, leaning back so his shoulder was touching Clay's...a move that was not missed by Ray, Alana and Erik and very much not a typical Jason Hayes move.

When Sonny squeezed Alana's legs she hugged him close before stepping back and taking the chair next to him, keeping her hand on his back. "Glad to have you guys home."

"It's good to be home." Jason said, looking between Alana and Mandy, who had joined Lisa and Stella over by the pool table.

"You want anything Boss?" Clay said, standing up and squeezing Jason's shoulder.

"Beer." He answered and Clay went up to the bar getting another pitcher and grabbing a few more pint glasses.

"Got you." Clay handed him a glass, once again squeezing his shoulder as he sat down.

"Thanks Kid." Jason said, "What is our schedule the next few days Blackburn?"

"Leave it to Jason Hayes to ask about a schedule." Ray and Alana said in unison.

"Your team is to report at 0800 Monday morning for a full medical exam." Erik said, looking at Ray. "We will go from there."

"They checked me over earlier." Jason said, looking only at Erik, he was sure everyone else at the table already knew he had gone to the VA.

"Your head?" Clay mumbled.

"And my leg." He said, looking at Clay.

"Getting better?" Ray asked, as mad as he was at Jason's reaction the man was still his brother.

"Taking longer than I hoped." Jason answered.

"You are coming home with me tonight...and we will make sure your leg heals right." Alana said, walking over and leaning over her husband. Jason pulled her down so she sat on his good leg.

"I don't want the kids..." Jason said, only loud enough that Alana and Clay could hear.

"Kids are with my parents this weekend." Alana smiled, "You are coming home." Jason nodded.

"You can bring Mandy or Blondie over here with you if it makes you feel better." She said, looking over to Clay. "Would give me a chance to know Mr. Spencer here."

"Alana..." Jason said.

"Think on it Jace." Clay told him, leaning forward so his head was right next to Jason's shoulder.

"Spencer." Jason said, making Clay lean back with a smirk...he knew what buttons to push. "Darts?" He asked Alana as he picked her up.

Clay moved over next to Sonny and put his arm around his Brother. "Got you Brother."

"Thanks Pretty Boy." Sonny mumbled as he stared into his glass. "Stella...she...Davis is smiling."

"Two were talking for a while before they woke us up today..."

"Why Danny?"

"Why Brian?"

"Fuckin sucks."

"Does indeed Brother."

"To Nate." Erik said, handing the two their own shots of whiskey.

"To Brian." Clay said looking between Erik and Sonny.

Looking between Erik and Clay and fighting the tears that were filling his eyes, his voice cracking Sonny said, "To Danny."

"To our Brothers gone but not forgotten." Ray said coming up behind Sonny and putting his hand on his shoulder.

"You gotta fix your shoulder." Sonny said, looking up at Ray.

"Plan on it."

Wiping his face with his sleeve Sonny stood up walked over to the pool table where Stella wrapped her arm around his waist. "You here to challenge us?" She smiled, knowing he was far from okay.

"Yes Ma'am." Sonny said with a grin, thankful that she didn't ask him if he was okay. "Don't know about Poster Boy here but I happen to be the master."

"Master huh?" Lisa smiled, "When is the last time you played pool?"

"It may have been a while Miss Davis." He said picking up the pool cue and tapping it against the one she held in her hand.

"Sonny when was the last time you played pool?" Clay asked.

"His game is darts. You two have this in the bag." Jason said wiggling a dart in his hand a few feet away.

"Sonny have you ever played pool?" Stella asked.

"How hard can it be?" Sonny said leaning over and scratching on his first shot.

"Move out of the way. Master huh? You don't even know how to hit the ball." Clay smirked as he perfectly broke, getting three balls in on his first shot.

"Exxxcaaaauuuuuuuuuzzzeeee me. Poster Boy here apparently is the master."

 _Stella drove Clay and Sonny home, Lisa getting a ride from Mandy. By the time they got into the apartment the two men were pin-balling themselves off the walls with Stella trying to shush them before they woke up the entire building. She laughed when the two fell face first onto Clay's bed, half on and half off the bed, passed out before she was even in the room. She walked in and took Clay's shoes off before sitting him up and moving him further up on the bed. "Come bed me." Clay slurred._

 _"You already brought Sonny to bed with you."_

 _"Sons nahhh pretteee as you."_

 _"I dunno, I think he's pretty nice on the eyes." Stella smirked._

 _"Come in bed with us."_

 _"Go to sleep." Stella said shaking her head before moving on to Sonny who was snoring softly. She walked over and pulled Sonny's shoes off, waking him up with a start. "Breathe Sonny, its just me." She said as she put her hand on his shoulder, squeezing it where Clay had shown her was the safe spot._

 _"What errr you doing?" He asked as he tried to roll over to face her._

 _"If you are going to sleep in my bed with my boyfriend you aren't doing it with dirty boots that only God knows where they have been."_

 _"Your bed?"_

 _"Yes Sonny, my bed." Stella said as she helped him to sit up. "Scoot up so you are on the bed all the way." She said trying not to laugh._

 _"I think I like you." He said, "Good for Clay. Don't put up with shit."_

 _"And I am tired so please scoot up on the bed."_

 _This time Sonny scooted up and moved as close as he could to the edge without falling off, "Room for you. Your bed."_

 _"You think so, huh?"_

 _"Uh huh." He smiled, half asleep. "Lay down for a minute?" He said, this time his voice cracking._

 _Stella kicked off her sneakers and crawled onto the bed between a sleeping Clay and a very intoxicated Sonny Quinn. "What are you thinking about right now, Sonny?"_

 _"My best friend is dead." He said, quickly wiping the tears from his face._ _Stella slid her arm under Sonny's neck and pulled him into her. "I'm scared it will be me." He admitted, barely above a whisper._

 _"Not gonna let that happen Sonny." Clay said rolling over, sandwiching Stella between them as he reached his arm around them both._

 _"Coming home...hard." Sonny said between sobs and Stella tightened her hold on him until he rolled over and laid his head on her. Clay kept his arm over both of them as Stella raked the hair on the back of his head relaxing him until he fell asleep._

 _As a soft snore escaped Sonny's throat Stella turned her head to face Clay, "Coming home for you?"_

 _"I have you." He said with a sad smile, "All I want while we are gone is to come home."_

"Jason we are going to the VA and you are going to get your head on straight." Alana said as soon as he buckled his seat belt in her car.

"I already went today and talked to someone for hours."

"I am talking about your concussion, not the PTSD. Your eyes are not focusing together and your head has been constantly tilted to the side."

"My head is fine."

"Jason Hayes. You. Are. Going. Now!" Jason knew when to give up and he did...besides, his head was pounding and he trusted Alana... he leaned his head against the cool window and closed his eyes, "It hurts worse now than it did three hours ago." She said and he nodded slightly. "Some day you will learn to listen."

"I went to the doctor." Jason said, having a hard time opening his eyes with the oncoming headlights. "After the crash, the next day...when we landed back here, this morning...I went."

"You didn't tell anyone when you started to feel dizzy tonight." Jason didn't say anything and focused on his breathing. "We will get you through this like we always do." Alana promised as she reached over and put her hand on Jason's arm. "You think you can walk in?"

"Park close." Jason told her, still not opening his eyes.

When she got out of the car and walked over opening his door he almost fell out, "Work with me here Babe." She instructed, "Legs first." He wobbled as he stood and he put his arm around Alana and she led him to the entrance of the Emergency Department where a nurse rushed towards them shoving a wheelchair behind his legs where Jason ungracefully plopped down into it, leaning his head into his hand. "Jason Hayes. He has a concussion and has gotten significantly worse in the last three hours...he also has a stitched up gash in his leg."

The nurse quickly finding him a room and having him transfer to a gurney. They took his vitals and the more quick tests they did the more the nurses rushed around him as they managed to strip him from most of his clothes. "Lana?" Jason called weakly, "Need you." as he laid on the bed in his briefs and t-shirt.

"Is it okay if I sit with him?" Alana asked the nurse in charge.

"See if you can calm him down. His blood pressure is much too high." She said as she nodded to the space at the head of the bed.

"Lift your head Jace." She said climbing on the head of the gurney and having him rest his head on her lap. As she ran her fingers through his hair she watched as his heart rate slowed down. Noticing him tense each time a nurse or doctor touched him she took his hand and weaved her fingers into his, "You are safe, I've got you."

"You are good for him." The nurse said, satisfied that his vitals were now where she considered to be safe. "The doctor is going to admit him, between the concussion and his leg we are worried about an infection, is he fresh off a deployment?"

"Got back yesterday." Alana said as she ran her finger across the stubble on his cheek.

"Team guy?" Alana nodded. "His medical file is classified, we are going to put him on a range of IV antibiotics and he will be here a few days."

"Call Blackburn." Jason mumbled.

"You going to let me up so I can go out and call him?" She asked.

"Call here." He said, snuggling further into her, one of the sedatives taking effect.

"It's fine." The nurse said.

Alana nodded and pulled out her phone, quickly telling Erik where they were. She could hear by the noise in the background they were still at the bar. Ten minutes after hanging up Erik, Brock and Trent stormed into the room where Jason lay asleep on Alana's lap, a doctor and three nurses trailing them. "Hey." Alana said before holding a finger to her lips, "Fill the doc in on as much as you can. Infection and concussion...they are admitting him and I didn't know what to say."

"On it." Trent and Erik said at the same time before walking out, leaving Brent in the room with Alana and Jason.

"We tried." Brock said, sitting down in a chair that one of the nurses brought in.

"Have no doubt. He's a stubborn one." She said with a sad smile, surprised that Jason didn't flinch when Brock put his hand on his leg.

"We have room ready for him." A new nurse said walking in and Jason flinched at the voice, when Alana started to get off the gurney Jason's heart rate went crazy, "As long as you are good with riding you can stay put." He told her.

She looked over to Brock and when he nodded she stayed put. She didn't often see him when he was in the hospital...usually it was stitch, staple or glue and get out. Trent handling anything else once they got back home. "Will you stay here with him?" Brock asked, "I know things are...uhhh..."

"Even if he isn't my husband right now I still love him." Alana told him, averting her eyes when the doctor looked between her and the SEAL curled up on her lap.

Once he was in his room Alana and Brock helped him scoot over to the bed where she laid down with him. Trent and Erik coming in with the doctor a short while later and examining his leg. While he didn't even crack open his eyes he was able to tell who was touching him and flinched every time the doctor or nurse touched him, but didn't move when it was someone from his team.

"Rest of Bravo know he is here?" Erik asked once the doctor left.

"Just called you." Alana said as Jason slept next to her. "He didn't sleep this deployment so all he is going to be doing is sleeping and with Sonny and Lisa losing Danny..."

"I will call Ray in the morning. I want everyone on Bravo getting a full workup. If you even have a paper cut I want it dealt with properly." Erik said looking between Brock and Trent.

"You guys should go home and sleep too." Alana told them.

"What about Jason?" Trent asked.

"I know you guys are used to doing this yourself, but I will be here with him and will call you if they have anymore questions." Alana said, rough at first but gentler at the end. "You guys can come back tomorrow AFTER you get checked out."

"I think Jason is in good hands." Erik told the other two, "Come on, you can come back tomorrow."

Not five minutes after the guys left Jason's phone rang and it was Mandy. "How you doing?" She asked.

"He is asleep...brought him in to the VA and they admitted him. Erik, Brock and Trent just left."

"Is he okay?"

"He wasn't holding his head up and his eyes weren't focusing...his bp was all out of wack but they have him hooked up to antibiotics and gave him a sedative."

"I knew I should have brought him in after the taco place but he..."

"He can be a stubborn ass." Alana cut her off, "Thank you for doing everything you did for him.

 _"Do you need anything?" Mandy asked, "Lisa and I can swing by if you need anything."_

 _"Blackburn is ordering all of Bravo to get a full workup tomorrow and I think everyone was coming by here after."_

 _"Call if there is anything we can do." Mandy said before hanging up. "Jace is admitted to the VA." She told Lisa._

 _"Did something happen?" She asked jumping up from the couch and going for her keys._

 _"Alana said to go by tomorrow." Mandy shrugged. "Blackburn, Brock and Trent were there."_

 _"Sonny and Clay?" Lisa asked._

 _"I assume the two of them are either passed out or puking by now. Stella brought them back to Clay's place..._ _I didn't know Sonny would take Danny dying this hard."_

 _"Think it is more being home and off rotation."_

 _"I dunno...he said that it should have been him..._ _I have a meeting tomorrow morning and will probably be leaving for my next assignment." she said looking at her email._

 _"I thought you were assigned to Bravo?" Lisa said picking up her phone to check for messages as well._

 _"I was never officially assigned to a unit...but since Bravo has been up they have been feeding me the cases since they are used to me...work is smoother...but with them off for a few months...who knows where I will end up."_

 _"They can do that?"_

 _"The life of a Spook...part of why I didn't want to get attached to anyone here." Mandy tried to explain._

 _"You and Jason are...?"_

 _"He loves Alana."_

 _"You care about him though...he comes to you."_

 _"He should go to Alana."_

 _"Are you going to say bye to the guys?"_

 _"Erik will be in the meeting in the morning...the rest...I don't think so...it will be too hard...better to rip off the band-aid, besides wherever I go I will be back eventually."_

 _"You should at least let Jason know you are leaving."_

 _"If he is in the hospital he needs to focus on his recovery and time with his family...not worrying about what the next mission is going to be."_

 _"He will be pissed."_

 _"I don't know if saying goodbye is better or worse...besides my number isn't changing so he can still call me if he needs something."_

 _"It is hard not to love those idiots." Lisa told Mandy._

 _"I heard you were thinking about OCS."_

 _"Maybe someday..."_

 _"What do the guys think?"_

 _"They don't...I don't want to hear talk about being a cake eater..."_

 _"They listen to you...trust you...you could show them that..."_

 _"Yeah...or they could just shut me out..."_

 _"You worry too much... ugh... I have to go in..." Mandy said quickly standing up._

 _"Everything okay?"_

 _"They moved up the meeting...take care of those boys." She said pulling Lisa into a quick hug._

 _"Be safe." Lisa nodded, following Mandy to the door and watching her walk to her car. And just like that she was alone for the first time in nearly a year. The first time to sleep in her own bed in just as long and as she laid down instead of feeling happy and relaxed she felt alone. After an hour of staring at the ceiling she pulled out her phone and called Clay._

Feeling his phone vibrate in his pocket he stealthily climbed out of bed answering it without saying anything until he got into the living room where he whispered a hello.

"Hi." He heard Lisa whisper into the phone.

"Are you okay?" Clay asked, now feeling completely sober.

"I just..."

"You alone?"

"Yeah."

"You want to come over here?"

"Jason was admitted to the VA and Mandy is headed in and will probably be flying out before morning...how is Sonny?" Lisa blurted out, slowing down only to ask about Sonny.

"Sonny is...wait, Jason was admitted?" Clay asked, suddenly alarmed, he knew something was off about the man.

"Calm down Pretty Boy he is okay, Alana is with him...his headache was getting worse and his eyes weren't focusing...his bp was super high but I guess he is fine now. Erick, Trent and Brock all went to the hospital when Alana called right after you guys all left.

"Where is Mandy going if we cant be called up?"

"She works for the CIA...she doesn't just work with Bravo."

"Jace know?"

"Blackburn will soon."

"Davis?"

"Spenser?"

"You can come over here. Stella has Sonny."

"Is this being home or is this Danny?"

"Think it is just Sonny..."

"Team has been different since you joined...a good different."

"I'm not trying to replace anyone..."

"That isn't what I meant... just... as long as I have been attached to Bravo it has been Jason, Ray, Nate, Sonny, Brock and Trent...it was always business. Sonny bounced between the guys for bars or workout buddies... Jason, Ray and Nate were the Dads... and Brock and Trent kind of did their own thing...it was a family but not like...since we got home I have had nothing but support from all of you and I saw how Jason is with you...letting you make moves...he is training you to be his replacement someday... but for Sonny...I think I have seen him cry one other time since I knew him and that was in the hospital after the hum-v was blown up..."

"He had my back when I needed him..."

"After the crash?"

"Yeah."

"Ray said Sonny slept on the floor when I asked why he was being a dick..."

"He was being a dick because Blackburn had just talked to him and he didn't know what to say to you."

"So he didn't sleep on the floor?"

"No...he did...I was in his bed."

"Wait...what?"

"Sonny said adrenaline crash but..."

"Sonny let YOU sleep in his bed?"

"Yeah...I couldn't..."

"No...what you did was connect to his stubborn ass on a level no once since Danny has been able to do...you reminded him it was okay to not be okay."

"Sonny doesn't take care of people...sure he has your back and will do whatever he has to to get you all home alive...but the emotional stuff...he doesn't do that..."

"He did...and I've got him."

"And he knew that because Jason trusts you."

"He is in with Stella."

"Because you trust Stella."

"Davis you sure you don't want to be over here with us?"

"What I want and what I should do are."

"I'm ordering you a LYFT." Clay told her.

"I can drive."

"Then what are you doing?"

"Sitting next to my front door talking to you."

"You know where we are...stay on the phone with me while you drive."

 _Fifteen minutes later when he heard her park he got up off the couch and walked to the front door and pulled her into his arms. Once they got in she saw how Sonny was laying with Stella and she couldn't fight the tears, "You all act like you are unbreakable."_

 _"Come lay down, we have to go in in a few hours." When Lisa just nodded he led her into the bedroom where they climbed into the bed. Clay next to Stella and Lisa on the other side of him._

 _"I take it slumber parties are not a common thing for Team Guys?" Stella whispered._

 _"Not when they are home." Lisa smiled, leaning her head into Clay's shoulder._

 _"Bravo looks out." Clay said, squeezing Stella's hand._

 _"Pretty Boys fault." Sonny mumbled._

 _"Says the one who doesn't get emotional." Davis snickered._

 _"I don't get emotional."_

 _"Go to sleep Cowboy." Clay said as he closed his eyes, quickly drifting to sleep._


	3. Chapter 3

"Wake up Ken Doll." Sonny barked, slapping Clay's feet.

Rolling over and finding the bed empty he opened his eyes, "Where is...?"

"Stella left for work an hour ago." Sonny told him.

"Leaving in fifteen. Breakfast's waiting. Go shower." Davis called from the kitchen.

Coming out of the bedroom seven minutes later showered and fully dressed Clay looked questioningly at Lisa. "Sonny, can you sit down?" Lisa asked him.

"Why?" He asked, hopping up onto the counter.

"Jason was admitted to the VA last night." Lisa told him.

Seeing the look of panic cross Sonny's face Clay continued, "Just as a precaution...Alana is with him and Blackburn, Trent and Brock went in to make sure the docs knew how to treat him."

"Boss doesn't do hospitals." Sonny said looking grim.

"When Alana tells him to do something he does it...and if Trent thought he should stay..." Lisa told him.

"Is he really okay?" Sonny asked.

"After we get checked out we can go up to the VA to be with him." Lisa told him.

"What do we need to get checked out for?" Sonny asked defiantly.

"Because we won't tell them if we are actually hurt...between Ray and Jason, Blackburn is pissed." Clay told him. "Look at your phone."

 _"How's your head?" Alana asked Jason when he woke up the next morning._

 _"Hurts." Jason mumbled._

 _"And your leg?"_

 _"Hurts."_

 _"You want to be more descriptive so the doctor can actually treat you?"_

 _"My eyes won't focus and this is burning." He said pointing to the scabbed over gash on his head._

 _"You have a linear skull fracture and because of your refusal to take care of yourself we are keeping you here for four or five more days." A doctor told him with his arms crossed, Blackburn standing behind him._

 _"Ray is scheduled for shoulder surgery this morning so you two will be sharing a room." Erik smirked. Jason didn't say anything. "The rest of Bravo is being checked out now and will meet you in your room. "You guys are off until you can get your acts together."_

 _"I can heal at home."_

 _"No." Erik told him. "You will do what the doctor tells you. You will report even the minor pain. If you get a damn hang nail you will report that immediately."_

 _"Thanks Erik." Alana said with a smile, the team had not been the same since Nate was killed and she was worried about all of them._

"I don't need a CT Scan." Sonny yelled at the doctor.

"Sonny you will get a damn CT or you will be off Bravo!" Erik yelled, walking into the room.

"After we are cleared what are we suppose to do?" Clay asked, waving the green paper saying he was good to go.

"You can make sure Sonny does what the doctors want." Erik told him.

"Where's Ray?" Brock asked.

"He goes into surgery in a fifteen." Erik told him.

"Where the fuck is Mandy?" Sonny asked.

"CIA sent her to get intel."

"Without us?" Brock asked.

"She is CIA. You guys get your shit together then she will be back with you." Lisa said coming in with her green paper saying she was cleared. "Where do you want me?"

"Up with Jason. Make sure their room is ready. Ray will be joining him when he gets out of recovery."

"You sure that is a good idea?" Lisa questioned.

"Yes." He said pulling her towards the door, "They are converting a conference room. There will be room for all of them so they don't disturb everyone else in the hospital. The doctor and nurses that will be working with them have been cleared high enough that they can talk freely."

After the two of them were gone the remaining four Bravo members looked between each other. "Sonny get the CT. The rest of us have had it already." Trent finally said.

"I don't have any frags left in me." Sonny said getting off the table and plopping down into a waiting wheelchair to be taken for the test.

"Then the test wont take very long." Clay said, standing up to follow.

"Ass." Sonny quipped, "I don't need Goldilocks to babysit me."

"Spencer. Tight on his ass." Trent yelled after them.

"What is your aversion to a CT?" Clay asked as they entered the machines room.

"Don't have one. Just think this is all stupid. You were there...you pulled out the damn frags yourself."

"Not going anywhere." Clay told him, seeing right through his friend.

"You can talk to him through the intercom while we are running the scan." The nurse smiled at Clay.

 _"You don't have to stay." Jason told Alana as he transferred from one bed to another in the modified conference room where Erik and Lisa were waiting._

 _"I will wait for Ray and Naima to get up here and once he is settled I will leave with her." Alana told him, squeezing his hand._

 _"You don't have to be here."_

 _"Jace...just because we aren't together does not mean I don't still love you." She whispered, leaning forward and kissing him on his temple._

 _Erik came over and sat down in the closest chair to Jason's bed. "The last year has been hard. Take the time to heal, and I am not just talking about your physical injuries."_

 _"I stay here for four days, then what?"_

 _"Then you run drills and simulations. Help plan ops for the other teams. You are one of the best teams and we need you but after the shit show you guys have pulled since the helo crash..."_

 _"We got him."_

 _"At what cost?"_

 _"We all made it home, we are fine."_

 _"Which is why two of you are in the hospital." Erik argued. "When I think you are ready you will be called back up. Until then you do anything and everything I tell you to."_

 _Jason nodded and laid back in the bed closing his eyes. "I know Ray is still in surgery, but how about the rest of Bravo?' Alana asked a few minutes later once Jason was asleep._

 _"They are headed up now, all four were cleared. Found a few cuts and bruises and emotionally exhausted but cleared." Lisa smiled._

 _When Lisa saw them in the doorway she held her finger to her lips and the four paraded in silently sitting in the hospital recliners she had placed around the room. "You have to take care of yourselves...all of you not just keeping each other alive." Alana said with tears in her eyes._

 _"Alana..." Erik started to say, interrupted by Ray being wheeled in, still asleep from the anesthesia followed by Naima who walked over to hug Alana, nodding a hello to the rest of Bravo._

 _"No...you listen. Jason wasn't able to choose who he is dedicated to...and as much as he loves me and our kids...he needs Bravo." Jason reached out to squeeze her hand, "I have made my peace with that but I am still loyal to him and Bravo. He is still my best friend and he is Emma and Mikey's dad."_

 _"Yes Ma'am." Everyone in the room said in unison before the room settled into silence._

 _A short while later Naima and Alana stood up, "Take care of each other." they said before leaning down to kiss their husbands and walking out of the room._

 _Everyone in the room saw as a tear slid from their master chief's closed eye as his now ex-wife left the room. Erik waited to see who, if anyone would make a move to comfort Jason and was surprised to see Clay stand up and moved his chair over next to Jason's bed and reaching forward to grab hold of his arm like he had on the airplane, grounding him instantly._

 _As closed off as Jason usually was there was something about the Kid that got through where others couldn't and it didn't take long before Jason turned onto his side, holding onto Clay's arm as if his life depended on it. Since Nate had been killed Jason had refused to let anyone in, he needed to protect everyone, and that meant protecting them from how hurt and scared he actually was._

 _After a while Clay leaned his head down and rest it on Jason's shoulder, none of them had much rest since they returned and he knew that Jason was hurting. "I've got you." He whispered only loud enough for the two of them to hear. It surprised him when_ _Jason reached his other hand over and put it on Clay's head, gently raking his fingers through his hair. His Boss wasn't one for touching but the repetitive movement was relaxing them and both fell into an uneasy sleep._

 _Ray grimaced in pain with simple movements and the two nurses who hovered on the far end of the room silently adjusted the iv medication he received. Trent monitoring what was given, as soon as he nodded Sonny and Brock relaxed into their seats. "What is your objective Blackburn?" Sonny asked quietly as Lisa moved to sit on the armrest of his chair, him pulling her down to his lap and wrapping an arm around her waist. He knew he was pushing his luck with Davis and being able to touch her, especially in front of Blackburn but the last 48 had been all but normal and he just didn't care._

 _"You are good at your jobs." Blackburn said crossing his arms and leaning forward in his seat._

 _"But?" Brock asked._

 _"The last couple years have been a lot."_

 _"So you think this is going to be some big therapy session or something?" Lisa asked._

 _"I don't know." Erik said, "I have never seen him let anyone in like that." He said nodding to Clay and Jason._ _"And you have never given your bed up for anyone." He said to Sonny. "Whatever the change is..."_

 _"Its him." Ray mumbled as he nodded towards Clay._

 _"Pretty Boy has a way to get under your skin." Sonny said in agreement. "And I never needed to give up my bed before."_

 _"Would you do it again?" Erik asked._

 _"For him? Yes." Sonny answered. "Ken Doll saves us." He said, Lisa nodding._

 _"He stepped up with the crash...saved all our asses." Trent said._ _"Even when he is scared to death he still makes sure the rest of us are okay."_

 _"Kid is a Team Guy through and through." Brock said._

 _"Is he good for Bravo?" Erik asked._

 _"Best thing that has happened as long as I can remember." Ray said trying to sit up._

 _"We have been staying with Clay since Danny died, he...he stayed on the phone with me and just talked until I drove over there...he knew I didn't want to be alone but he didn't tell me what to do." Lisa told Erik, leaning into Sonny's hug...he only knew when he woke up she was there._

 _"I am aware." Erik told them._

 _"Jason stayed with Mandy...where is she anyway?" Ray asked._

 _"Gone." Erik said simply, looking around he saw that Lisa was not surprised, "You do not look surprised." He said to her._

 _"She told me you had a meeting this morning, after she left my place was when I called Clay."_

 _"Why do you all call him The Kid?" Erik asked._

 _"Ash." Trent, Brock and Ray said at the same time._

 _When Clay woke up a couple hours later he felt Jason's hand heavy on his head and knowing that moving would wake him up he squeezed his hand tight on the older man's arm. As he sat up he felt the eyes of his team on him, "I miss something?" Clay mumbled putting his hand on Jason's arm as he opened his eyes. "Why are you all...?"_

 _"Erik is worried we have changed since you joined Bravo." Jason said, raising an eyebrow at the man who nodded slightly._ _"And he is right." He said looking down at where Clay held his arm. "If anyone else in this room tried to do this...it uh...it wouldn't be a thing."_

 _Clay released his grip on Jason's arm and let his hand drop to the bed, "And if I ever slept on the floor for any reason shy of it being where I passed out...it wouldn't be a thing."_

 _"And if I ever took orders from the Rookie..." Trent smiled at Clay._

 _"It wouldn't be a thing." Clay mumbled, not sure if what they were saying was good or bad._

 _"After Nate was killed..." Ray said, looking over, "We were disconnected."_

 _"You connected us." Brock said._

 _"You guys don't usually talk about the heart but you..." She said looking between Clay, Jason and Sonny. "You act like you are real brothers...full on family."_

 _"That." Erik said, looking at Lisa, "Is what concerns me. Brothers are never in the same unit for a reason."_

 _"Yeah so parents wont lose both their kids if something happens...they aren't actual Brothers." Ray snapped, as pissed as he was at Jason he was still his brother and this was no different._

 _"Since The Kid was our strap have we done anything different in the field?" Jason barked._

 _"You push your limits...stupid stunts...lie to your doctors..." Erik crossed his arms._

 _"We push our limits because we trust our over watch...you, Davis and Mandy...Spencer and Ray are two of the best snipers I have ever seen..." Trent told Erik._

 _"Stupid stunts...lying to doctors..." Erik said again._

 _"We have been put in some seriously fucked up situations and you know it. We do what we have to do to get everyone home alive." Jason said, knowing Erik's bark was worse than his bite and he wasn't going to split up Bravo._

 _"Lying to doctors." Erik repeated._

 _"We did what we needed to do." Jason and Ray said in unison._

 _"Going forward how are going to continue to work as a unit?" Erik asked...he already knew that they would be fine, that this was just his way of checking off boxes for his superiors...he considered Bravo to be his friends, he understood the family unit but they needed to know it was subject of conversation._

 _"Bravo is a family." Clay said as if that answered Erik's question. "Everything we do is working as a unit, keeping each other alive... making sure our family is okay..."_

 _"How you are related to Ash is beyond me." Erik said with a smile at Clay before he got up and walked up behind Clay and tousling his hair, "They may call you Kid or Pretty Boy or what was it...Ken Doll? Whatever they call you...you are good for them...keep them from the dark." He said before walking out._

 _At Erik's last comment Clay's head went straight to his dad, "All anyone ever sees is my name and...Ash is... it is always him that is dragging me down..." Clay mumbled, leaning forward and putting his head down on Jason's bed again, this time because he didn't know if he was more pissed or hurt...his father had never taking the time to comfort him, to get to know him... for a long time all he wanted to do was prove to the world that he was better than Ash Spencer but after riding along with Bravo the first time he didn't care about showing up his father... he wanted this for him._

 _Jason began raking Clay's hair again as Davis got up and sat down on the armrest of Clay's chair she put her hand on his back. Sonny was quick to follow with his chair as he moved over and sat down with his chair the opposite way, kicking his feet up on Ray's bed and snaking his arm under Clay's chest to pull him into him. "Come here Pretty Boy." Sonny said when Clay finally leaned into him, still close enough that Jason continued to rake his hair._

 _"This is what Blackburn was talking about." Ray said as the team as Brock and Trent moved their chairs closer in and reaching their arms so everyone on Bravo was touching. "Clay you made us a family."_

Mandy walked up next to Blackburn as he stood in the doorway of the converted conference room. "Came up to say goodbye." She told him.

Erik held up a hand and pointed into the room where she saw Bravo in a giant group hug, "When you get back they will be ready." He told her.

"I don't know how long it will take."

"When you get it, I only want Bravo on it." He said.

"Yes Sir." She said with a small smile, "They are family." She said before turning around and walking down the hall.

"Mandy?" He called after her, "Stay safe."

 _When Clay's body began to shake with the tears that fell Jason sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed so that he was held tight between him and Sonny. "You saved us Kid...and I don't just mean keeping us alive after the crash... we are machines... damn good at our jobs but we forget sometimes that we are human...you remind us...whether it is saying something to purposefully push buttons or bumping your shoulder into ours...you look out for us." Jason said, "When you were on green team we were all impressed with your skill...but I didn't know if you knew how to be a team guy...you were all about proving you were the best...whatever changed between then and now...I have no doubt you are a team guy...none of us doubt it. You are Bravo."_

 _Clay looked between Jason and Sonny and with tears still streaming down his face started laughing, "Brian...Brian was the fucking team guy...I used to get on him about helping others over the damn wall and checking on everyone and now it is me doing it."_

 _"I am damn thankful Brian passed that trait on to you." Ray said from his bed. "I'm going to miss my family while I am rehabbing...but I at least know they will be safe." He said looking straight at Jason._

 _"I need you boys to get your heads straight." Lisa said as she scratched Clay's back, "Clay's the only one I am not worried about since he has a bunch of big brothers here lookin out...but what about the rest of you?"_

 _"We've got Pretty Boy." Sonny smiled before kissing the side of Clay's head._

 _"I'm sorry, did you just give the kid a kiss?" Jason asked with a smirk._

 _"Yes Sir. You want one too?" Sonny said leaning up and doing the same thing to him as the rest of the team started laughing._

 _"Hot Damn if that isn't any Navy girls fantasy." Lisa said laughing. "I am serious. All of you. Anytime. I am here. Reach out. Actually talk."_

 _"Or apparently kiss." Brock laughed._

 _"I've got you." Clay said looking around him at his brothers, "I've got you."_

 _"We've got you." Bravo said back to him._


	4. Chapter 4

Jason and Ray were not granted a single moment alone until their third day in the hospital when Blackburn called up the unit to assist in a simulation and the four healthy members of Bravo left. Davis checked in every morning on her way into the office and Alana and Naima popped in each evening, not once bringing the kids though they had face-timed plenty but there were always two members of Bravo regardless of time.

"When I come back from this am I still going to have a spot on Bravo?" Ray asked, without turning to look at Jason.

"You lied to me." Jason said.

"And that kid is dead now because of it."

"What do you want me to say?"

"I want you to say that you aren't cutting me off from my family." Ray told him, his voice cracking.

"We will always be your family." Jason told him in a tone that was that an older brother uses on a younger brother.

"Not what I meant."

"You fix your shoulder...work with Adam for a while training green team...You need teaching hours to get your own team."

"What if I don't want my own team?"

"I cannot do this forever."

"I am like five years younger than you and isn't that why you are drilling the Kid?"

"You should give yourself a chance."

"I want to be on Bravo."

"Then prove it." Jason said crossing his arms and Ray knew the conversation was over, knew that as much as he pissed off Jason that wasn't what this was about.

"Therapy time. If you both get signed off then you will both get to go home." Blackburn said walking in followed by a physical therapist and a psychologist.

"What if I get signed off and he doesn't?" Ray and Jason said in unison.

"Both get signed off, both get to go home. No more games."

 _"I don't want to play paintball with a bunch of Sissy Boys who think they are ready to go against Full Throttle." Sonny complained as they were setting up to run the same simulation for the seventh time. The newest Green Team training had started that week and however good of SEALs as they may be, they just didn't have the experience and Bravo was kicking their ass and it was getting old real quick._

 _"You say the same thing when I was in here?" Clay asked him._

 _"No. We were spun up most of the time you were here Pretty Boy. Only contact we had was bringing you as our strap...after that kept an eye on you...had a feeling Jace wasn't going to let you go."_

 _"Why?"_

 _"Pushed you." Sonny shrugged._

 _"What do you mean?"_

 _"Any other mission...any other strap he has us babysitting...didn't do that with you."_

 _"Was it worth it?"_

 _"Thought you were a cocky smart ass know it all." Sonny smirked, wondering where the insecurity was coming from._

 _"Only other person to talk back to Jason in all the time I had known him was Nate." Trent told them as he crouched behind a crate._

 _"Cerb thought you were okay." Brent smiled, "You are definitely a smart ass though." He said rolling under a cot._

 _"Full throttle Boys!" Sonny yelled, whipping out his paintball gun and jumping out from behind a door as soon as the green team tried to breach the room hitting three men before one got him in the shoulder._

 _Clay took out the next two as Brock put the last in a choke hold before the lights were turned back on._

 _"Seven point four seconds." Adam yelled from the bridge. "Will someone from Bravo please explain WHY every member of green team won't be making it home from this mission?"_

 _"Heads on a swivel boys!" All four members of Bravo yelled at the same time._

"How'd you do?" Ray asked when Jason walked back into their room.

"How did you do?" Jason asked, giving him a what the heck kind of look.

"How is your head, for real?" Ray asked his friend.

"Slightly more frustrating than you." Jason snapped at him as he sat down in a chair next to where Ray was sitting.

"What can I do to help, Brother?"

"I want you to focus on your shoulder...Naima and the kids."

"And Bravo?"

"Blackburn already has the boys helping with simulations...apparently Sonny is a little too much for the new guys...they got green team in 7.4 seconds." He said waving his phone at Ray. "Once you get cleared to workout again I want you running with Sonny."

"Why?"

"You know as well as I do that being grounded is going to be hardest on Sonny...Need you to lookout. Prove it to me... you are my Brother but you lied to me and someone died because of it."

"Alana said you are moving home when you get out of here."

"That is the plan." Jason shrugged.

"Mean your going to work on...?"

"We...uh...she doesn't understand...wants me home...wants my head home with her and the kids...crash didn't help."

"But you are moving home?"

"Yes."

"Think that is happening today?"

"Hope so."

"When's Blackburn going to be back?"

"Said he was coming after Adam lectured the boys."

"On being too good?"

"On not teaching Green Team."

"Ah." Ray said leaning back. "What are our chances?"

"They are sending us home but it will have stipulations."

"Guess we shouldn't piss off the cake eaters." Ray smirked.

"Get your asses up." Alana said walking in with Naima. "We are under strict orders to have you on base in an hour."

"Base?" Jason and Ray said together.

"You aren't deaf now are you?" Naima glared at Ray, "I thought it was just your shoulder you screwed up."

"Stipulations?" Ray asked, looking at Jason.

"Stipulations." Jason nodded as the two stood up and followed their wives out of the hospital.

 _"Cages. Now!" Blackburn yelled at Bravo once the green team boys were gone._

 _"The fuck we getting yelled at when our job is to stop them?" Sonny grumbled._

 _"Didn't teach them what they did wrong Cowboy." Clay smirked._

 _"Ten points to Gryffindor." Trent smirked, Brock laughing._

 _"I blame you Pretty Boy." Sonny said, poking Clay in the chest as they walked back into the room with their cages. "You put the eyes on us."_

 _"Fuck off." Clay mumbled pushing off from Sonny and going to sit in his hammock, quickly covering his face with his arm._

 _"What the Hell?" Brock asked confused at Clay's reaction._

 _"Shit." Sonny mumbled when he realized what he said...and what it meant to Clay._

 _"Cages. Sit down. Shut up." Blackburn yelled again, once all the guys were silent in their cages Blackburn walked out leaving them alone._

 _Sonny stood up from his and walked into Clay's, "Not what I meant Goldilocks."_ _Clay dropped his arm and looked up at Sonny who was leaning against the cage, "Meant Jason's attachment to you...he's never done that with anyone."_

 _"So it is my fault that we got shot down and I did what I..."_

 _"Jace doesn't let his guard down and...what you did Bam-Bam is get under the skin of one of the best Tier One operators in the last two decades."_

 _"Just as human as we are..." Clay mumbled back._

 _"What is this about?" Jason asked walking in, followed by Ray, the two had been standing in the doorway since Blackburn walked out._

 _"I said Pretty Boy put the eyes on us and he thought I was talking about Ash." Sonny said standing up straight and looking at Jason._

 _With a sigh Jason stepped into Clay's cage, "You did get under my skin." Leaning on the cage next to Sonny he continued, "It has been a long three months and now we will have all eyes on us. Whatever is going on with you...you will come to me and at least one other member of this team. No more secrets...no more omitted truths... and yes that goes for me too." He said, looking directly at Clay but talking to the entire team._

 _"Boss?" Sonny asked._

 _"Bravo is family. We have been grieving since we lost Nate...and Brian...then Echo..." Turning back to Clay he said his voice cracking. "I uh...you got...I needed it...we all needed it...needed you...Only we didn't acknowledge Brian...or how you felt about Echo...and you just stepped up and did your job...and when I needed you...when I needed you, you had my back...know Davis and Sonny would say the same thing with losing Danny."_

 _"I..." Clay started to say something but stopped._

 _"Ash is a dick...shouldn't have done what he did but none of us blame you for that...you showed us a long time ago you weren't your old man...that you were a team guy." Ray said walking into the cage and hitting Clay's shoes making him sit up._

 _"You reminded us it is okay to feel." Jason said, looking around at his team, "That it is okay to not be okay." He said stepping forward two feet and pulling Clay into his side, holding the Kid's head into his ribs. "None of us are fucking okay." Jason said quieter, "None of us."_

As Clay leaned into Jason he held tight to the youngest members shoulder, "You going to tell them you are standing here?" Davis asked Blackburn with tears in her eyes, not surprised to see tears in the Commander's eyes as well.

"No." Blackburn said turning and walking back down the hall leaving Davis alone in the doorway. "They need to figure this out on their own."

She stood in the doorway debating what she should do until Jason turned to face her with tears in his eyes, "Part of this too Davis."

When she walked in, she went straight to Clay and wrapped her arm around him and leaned her head against his shoulder. Jason and Sonny both had a hand on each of the two. "Where'd Blackburn go?" Sonny asked.

"Pretty sure this is what he has been trying to accomplish since you guys got back." Lisa told him with a sad smile.

"M sorry." Clay mumbled, looking up at Jason.

"Nothin' to be sorry for Kid." Ray said reaching over and squeezing Clay's shoulder.

"We have a long way to go before they let us get back in the field." Jason said, stepping back, all of the eyes looked toward his voice. "From now on...anything happens I will know about it." When he crossed his arms he looked at Ray, "You are my family but we are going to do this my way."

"Paint ball and teaching?" Sonny asked.

"And whatever else the cake eaters want...no questions asked." Jason said.

"Why are we here today?" Trent asked Jason, if they weren't allowed to be spun up and they weren't teaching he was asking the same thing the others were wondering as well.

"To review the AAR's from our deployment. Blackburn will be waiting for us in the conference room." Jason told them, Lisa nodding affirmative both knowing their Boss.

"Can we go and get this over with then?" Brock asked, looking between Jason and Ray.

"We will go when we are ready and we are not in a hurry." Jason told the team.

Feeling the eyes on him Clay looked at Jason, "I am fine."

"Maybe I'm not." Jason said as he sat down on the floor leaning against the wall of the cage and putting his head in his hands.

"Boss?" Trent, Sonny and Ray said at the same time.

"Steve, Adam, Nate and I came up together...our kids grew up together...I took it personal when..." He started, but choked on his words.

Clay moved out of Lisa's hold and sat down on the floor next to Jason, putting his shoulder against Jason's. Jason looked at the men in his unit and then slouched, putting his head against Clay's shoulder. Feeling more relaxed instantly.

Lisa looked over at Sonny and squeezed his hand before walking over and sitting down in front of Jason, "We may not be okay now but we will be." She said with a small smile as she wiped a tear from Jason's cheek. "Give us a couple minutes we will meet you in there." She said after a couple minutes.

"Got it." Ray said ushering Trent, Brock and Sonny out of Clay's cage.

"Jace?" Lisa asked once the others were gone.

"The two of you...you are the heart of Bravo. Don't you ever question that." Jason said sitting up a little straighter. "I promise you, I will not put us back in the field until I know I can keep you all safe."

"You do keep us safe." Clay told him.

"Not lately...my head...since Nate was killed...then losing Steve...I have been stuck on getting revenge."

"For good reason." Clay told him.

"Guys... this..." Lisa said gesturing around the cage, "This really isn't something to debate. Need to find a way forward from where we are and we have to do it together."

"Davis can you give Clay and I a minute?"

"Sure thing Boss." Lisa said standing up, "We will all be stronger because of this." She told the two of them before walking out to join the rest of Bravo.

 _"Everything good?" Blackburn asked Davis when she walked into the briefing room._

 _"Will be." She answered as she took a seat next to Brock, across from Sonny._

 _"Jason and Spencer going to be joining us?" Blackburn asked._

 _"Go ahead and get started." She answered._

 _"Spencer has changed Bravo." Blackburn stated, sitting down and not turning on the screen, he was going to wait for the entire Bravo Team to be in the room to do this._

 _"For the better." Sonny said, looking across at Davis._

 _"That is yet to be determined." Blackburn said, "But I agree." He said with a small smile._

 _"How long are we going to have eyes?" Sonny asked._

 _"Until Ray is medically cleared and the higher ups see you all prove it."_

 _"They going to make it hard?" Brock asked._

 _"You are one of the top teams. What do you think?" Erik asked._

"Need you Spencer." Jason said once Lisa was out of the room.

"Told you I've got you." Clay said.

"I should be the one here for you not the other way around."

"Why can't we all just be here for each other?" Clay asked.

"This..." Jason said wiping his eyes, "This is new to me...I fix things...lead...I don't..."

"Stop." Clay said, cutting him off. "You are human you know?"

"You remind me so much of Nate...pain in the ass brother..."

"I am not trying to replace anyone."

"The team knows that...I am going to have you as my number two until I can bring Ray back."

"When will that be?"

"He lied to me."

"So you are going to make him sweat?"

"He needs instructor hours to get his own team."

"He isn't going to see it that way."

"Either will Sonny." Jason told him, "You ready for his way of coping?"

"He told me he doesn't do down time."

"He doesn't." Jason told him, "I need you to be my eyes."

"You know I will do whatever I need to." Clay said as he stood up, reaching his hand out to Jason.

Taking his hand and pulling himself up, "Thanks Brother." Jason said putting his arm around Clay's neck.

 _"Let's go Blackburn-get this over with." Jason said as him and Clay walked into the briefing room. Clay said down between Sonny and Ray and Jason took his spot at the end of the table._

 _The team quickly went through mission after mission from their deployment, everything very straight forward until they got to the crash. Seeing on screen the video of the crash for the first time. Ray, Sonny and Brock all getting tears in their eyes as they watched...Jason, Clay and Trent all felt their breathing speed up seeing what the others saw. "Can't do this." Clay said standing up and walking out of the briefing room when it got to the point in the video where he was on his knees in the downed helo._

 _The rest of Bravo looked around the table at one another, "Kid really did save your ass." Ray said, looking at Jason._

 _"I didn't know how bad it was..." Sonny said standing up and quickly running out of the room in search of Clay._

Sonny didn't have to go far, as soon as he was out of the room he found Clay sitting on the floor just around the corner. "Come here Little Buddy." He said sitting down on the floor next to him and Clay quickly collapsed into his side. "Did good Kid, did real good." Sonny wanted to say more but he didn't trust his voice.

 _The team heard Sonny outside the door and Jason put his head down on the table before standing up and pumping his arm like he was going to punch the wall before pulling his own hair and kicking a garbage can. Trent went up to Jason and got in his face, "He did what he was trained to do."_

 _"He saved both of us." Jason said staring into Trent's eyes, "He made it so we got home...that shouldn't have been on him."_

 _"Clay has damn good instincts Boss." Brock said, squeezing Lisa's shoulder as he stood up, "Kid was there for you...he was there for Sonny and Davis...I didn't understand why he freaked out that night after the crash...didn't know why Sonny was stuck on pushing him over the edge...didn't understand why Sonny let him sleep in his fucking bed...fuck...Sonny saw it when we didn't."_

 _"Don't think we've been that close to losing you before." Ray said to Jason._

 _"I didn't fucking know." Jason said kicking the garbage can again._

 _"You will amend your report to reflect what actually happened." Blackburn said to Jason._

 _"Clay already wrote it up." Lisa said quietly._

 _"Use his then." Jason said running his hands through his hair again._

 _"This..." Blackburn said playing the video back again in fast forward, "Under any other circumstances this is deserving of a Navy Cross."_

 _"But we weren't officially there." Ray, Jason, Trent and Brock said in unison._

 _"The last three months..." Blackburn started._

"I can't...I can't watch...I can't." Clay choked out as he sat up trying not to hyperventilate.

"Come here Blondie." Sonny said, pulling Clay into him. "You did good Brother...you did real good."

"I was so scared." Clay said into Sonny's shoulder.

"We all were...when we saw you go down...we didn't know if you guys were alive..."

"Jace...Jace was upside down in the opening...I thought he was dead...and then the shooting started...he didn't move...just laid there wide open with bullets flying all around...I knew it was his head but I didn't know how bad or if anyone was coming back for us..."

"You did good." Sonny said, not sure what else to say. He just watched the video showing the horror of what the three of them had gone through while Sonny and the rest of the team hiked their way to them unsure of who was alive or dead...just that there were survivors.

"I needed him to be okay." Clay said pulling back slightly and looking at the man who had become his big brother.

"You saved him Clay. You made sure he made it home."

"Why did Blackburn make us watch that video?"

"None of us knew what actually happened, Jason and Trent...they only saw what was in front of their eyes...you...Blackburn needed Jason to see it."

"I did what I had to do." Clay said, begging Sonny to tell him he did the right thing, "Jason was there but he..."

"You did good." Sonny said, "You did real good." He said putting his arm back around the youngest member of Bravo.

"Really?"

"Yeah Pretty Boy." Sonny smiled. "Real good."

Clay took a few deep breaths and then nodded to Sonny, "Thanks."

"In this together." Sonny said, putting his hand on Clay's shoulder and following him back into the debrief room.

 _Clay and Sonny didn't even make it all the way back in the room before Jason was wrapping his arms around Clay, "Thank you." Jason whispered before letting go of him. It was only when he pulled back that he saw the tears in Jason's eyes. "I'm sorry."_

 _"Just did my job, Boss." Clay said with a sad smile._

 _"Need to finish this one." Blackburn said to the group._

 _Clay took his seat next to Sonny and Jason stood behind him, his hands gripping the younger man's shoulders. "Last time Erik." Jason said._

 _Blackburn nodded, "Walk me through it."_

 _As Clay recounted what the team was seeing on the screen he felt the strength from his brothers but the more he relived the more drained he became until he was leaning heavily into Sonny. When it reached the point of Sonny and Ray coming up to Clay he was spent and closed his eyes as Sonny's took over telling the rest of what happened. By the time the team finished going through their last mission Clay had slid so far down he was half on Sonny's lap. "Blackburn think we can be done now so we can get Blondie here home to rest?" Sonny asked as he held the young man into him._

 _"We are done. Ray is to report to Adam tomorrow at 0800. The rest of you will run drills in the morning. Jason you will go to your appointments as they are scheduled. Brock you and Cerb are going to be working with the new class of dogs. Trent I want you to work with management to better prepare medical supplies for different missions. Sonny you and Clay will be spending double time with green team simulations. We clear?" Blackburn asked, keeping his voice calm, as much as he wanted to be pissed he just couldn't._

 _"Read you loud and clear." Jason said with a nod, "I want the room with my team before we go."_ _Lisa looked to Jason wondering if she was to follow Blackburn or stay, "Said my team Davis, means you too."_

 _Once Blackburn was out of the room all eyes were on Jason. "You will look out for each other. I do not like being split up but we will do what we need to do. Contact with each other outside of these gates. Limit your time with the bottle." He said looking at Sonny. "Keep your heads on straight so that when we are ready we are really ready."_

 _"What about you?" Trent asked Jason._

 _"I will talk to Alana and we will do a barbecue or something every weekend...whole family, not just the team."_

 _"Boss? We all going to have to talk to a shrink?" Sonny asked, looking down at Clay who was passed out against him._

 _"Wouldn't hurt but I am not going to require it as long as you keep talking to each other."_

 _"It is late, we are all tired. Who is going home with who?" Ray asked._

 _"Alana told me to drop you off on my way home." Brock said._

 _"Naima told me the same." Trent said to Ray._

 _"Sonny?" Jason asked._

 _"I have Sonny and Sleeping Beauty." Lisa smiled._

 _"Whose apartment?" Jason asked._

 _"Will go to his." She said nodding to Clay. "I will let Stella know."_

 _"How much does she know?"_

 _"Enough that she wont freak out when I carry him in." Sonny said._

 _"Carry him?" Ray asked._

 _Sonny and Lisa just looked at Ray and Jason walked over, "Thought you didn't like babysitting." Jason smirked remembering the conversation they had before their deployment._

 _"Kid has a way of getting under your skin." Sonny smiled. "Lets go home Little Buddy." he said as he stood up, Clay mirroring his movement barely opening his eyes._


	5. Chapter 5

I love comments and reviews that help me become a better writer! Thank you, AlwaysReading for your suggestion, no more italics and on to a line. Hope you enjoy this new chapter!

* * *

"You don't even bat an eye that Sonny Quinn just said he would physically carry the Kid and put him to bed?" Ray asked after Sonny, Lisa and Clay were out of view.

"Am I suppose to Ray?" Jason asked, wanting to be going with them because being around the Kid calmed him down. "Know Sonny will tell me if they need anything and if the Kid trusts them enough to walk out without even waking up...trust Ray...what I just saw was blind fucking faith that Sonny will protect him and Sonny...the man who I have never seen allow anyone get close to him volunteered for the job... its about trust...so no I don't bat an eye that my guys trust each other so much..."

"Your guys?"

"Yes, My Guys. I am Bravo Leader. My guys. My guys who trust each other."

"Got it." Ray snapped, cutting Jason off. "You ready?" He asked, turning to Trent.

"Boss?" Trent asked.

"We are ready." Jason said glaring at Ray.

"See you tomorrow." Brock and Trent said to each other before following Jason and Ray out to the parking lot.

"Let me know when you are home." Jason yelled after the two. "Talking to you Ray."

"Love you too Brother." Ray yelled back, as pissed off as Jason may be at him for lying he knew Jason had his back no matter what.

* * *

"He buckled?" Lisa asked after Sonny crawled into the backseat with Clay who was now leaning against Sonny's shoulder.

"Mmmm fine Davis." Clay said without opening his eyes. "Trust you."

"That so?" She smiled from the front seat.

"Jason does." He said opening his eyes.

"You good?" Sonny asked.

"No."

"PTSD?" Sonny asked, he has his own struggles...is why he didn't like to be alone.

"Just...having to relive that...to see it how you saw it..." Clay said looking in the mirror at Lisa, "to see the bullets flying right past Jason and him not even move...I was scared then but the adrenaline and needing to do something so we made it home...but there...watching it on the screen...doing it without the adrenalineand seeing every detail...you know how I was that night..." Clay said trying to sit up and look at Sonny.

"Hey." Sonny said pulling Clay back into him. "Had you then...have you now." He said, barely above a whisper as he held Clay in almost a choke hold against him.

"Stella doesn't understand all this...don't want to scare her."

"Sent her a text saying we were on our way and the two of you were just going to crash." Lisa told them.

"What about you?" Sonny asked.

"Going home...I will be back in the morning." She said, once again with a smile, she knew neither of the boys liked the idea of her being away from them.

"Davis?" Sonny started.

Seeing how wide Sonny's eyes went she smiled, "You really going to miss me that much Cowboy?" Seeing the reactions in the rear view mirror from both of them she went on, "I will stay til I know you two are okay...which you are..." She knew Sonny would be fine, but Clay...she hadn't seen Clay this scared.

"How can you be so fine with everything?" Sonny asked and Clay gripped Sonny's arm.

"It was what I saw and heard already...I was scared then...but I know you are all home and you have each other...the view was new to you, not to me."

"You were so calm on comms." Clay said, "You, Blackburn and Mandy...like nothing was wrong."

"They did their jobs like we did ours." Sonny said, "They took turns on comms for a reason."

"Don't ever think that every single time you guys go out we aren't terrified." Lisa said as she parked in one of the visitor spots in front of Clay's apartment.

"Do you always have to watch the videos after deployments?" Clay asked.

"No. That was Blackburn getting a point across to Jason." Sonny said. "Fucked up way to do it."

"Eh...you might not have to watch them but we do. Make sure your reports match up with what we have on video and get you to change your reports when they don't match up." Lisa told them as the three got out of the car.

"Blackburn is pissed at Jason...I get that...didn't tell anyone how bad his head was, but why did I have to..." Clay asked.

"You get under his skin and when he sees how it affects you it is going to affect him." Sonny said as he put his hand on Clay's shoulder.

"Does he really..."

"When you were a strap...as pissed as he was at you for going down into the tunnel...he knows why and he let it slide because he would have done the same thing...I have never seen him do that before. He only had eyes for you and as much as he made you sweat we all knew you were coming to Bravo."

"Blackburn and Adam were talking and think that who Jason was twenty years ago may as well be you now...Jason says it is because you are like Nate but it isn't that. You remind him of himself. That's why he trusts you...why he pushes you...and why Blackburn uses you against him to get his point across." Lisa said as they walked into the house.

"I don't want to think about the crash ever again." Clay mumbled as Sonny pushed him through the door of the apartment and straight into the bedroom, Davis stopping to talk to Stella on the couch giving the guys a chance to escape conversation.

"Not going to be easy to forget watching you guys hit..." Sonny told him as he kicked his boots off and sitting on the bed.

Clay fell face first into the bed and reached his arm out for his brother, "Don't think all of me made it home."

Sonny felt the tears sting his eyes at that and he scooted over closer to Clay, "You are safe here Little Buddy."

"Always safe with you." Clay mumbled already half asleep, his shoulder against Sonny's side.

As Sonny laid there with the tears stinging at his eyes he listened as Lisa and Stella talked on the couch. "They get hurt today?" He heard Stella ask.

"They had to go over the after action reports from their last week of deployment." Lisa told her.

"The crash?"

"Yeah."

"So Clay is okay?"

"Exhausted."

"How is the rest of Bravo?" Stella asked, surprising Sonny, he didn't think she really cared and yet after Clay that was her first question.

"Clay saw the bulk of it...he was in it. Jason was hurt, Trent was working on the wounded... the other three were in the other helo then had to hike in...was the first time the guys saw what he had to do."

"Is it okay that what he does scares me?"

"It scares me...so I hope so." Lisa said and Sonny could feel her eyes on him even though he was staring at the ceiling.

It was in that moment that Clay bolted upright crying out, "Jace!"

Sonny was in his face immediately trying to calm him down but he just kept repeating Jason's name with his eyes wild. Lisa pulled out her phone and called Jason who answered on the first ring. "Talk to Clay." Was all Lisa said before tossing her phone to Sonny who put it on speaker and held it up to Clay who was still calling out for Jace.

"Spencer!" Jason yelled over Clay's frantic cries, and Clay's eyes darted to the phone.

"Boss?"

"I'm here Kid."

"You didn't answer." Clay said, tears now streaming down his face. "You didn't answer."

"You pulled me out...you got me." Jason said, and Sonny could hear the emotion in his voice and Brock in the background asking what was going on.

"Couldn't lose you." Clay choked out. "Thought...dead...hanging out of the helo."

"Can't get rid of me that easily." Jason told him over the phone and Clay sank back against Sonny.

"My Dad...he was...in green...drowning...you...when Brian...you..." Clay said, his eyes closing as he tried to explain as his body was shutting down.

"Do you need me to come there?"

"Jace?" Clay mumble, his lips parting as he fell asleep.

"I'm here Spencer."

"'Live?"

"Yeah Buddy."

"Safe?"

"Yeah Buddy, we are safe." Jason said. When Clay didn't respond again, "Sonny what the Hell?"

"He's asleep." Sonny said with a couple deep breaths as he tried to calm his heart rate.

"Do I need to come over there?" Jason asked and the phone rustled.

"Everything okay?" Sonny could hear Brock ask.

"Stella, Davis and I are here. I've got the Kid. Go home to Alana and the kids." Sonny told him.

"Sonny?" Jason said, "Thank you for lookin out."

"Keep Blackburn away from me would ya." Sonny said before hanging up, pulling Clay's head over so it was tucked in his arm before closing his eyes, ignoring the looks on Stella and Lisa's shocked faces. All he cared about was his brother.

* * *

"Fuck!" Jason yelled, throwing his phone across Brock's car. "What the Hell was Blackburn thinking making us watch that shit today?"

"The Kid?" Brock asked, surprised at just how much Clay had been affected by watching the video.

"He is the only reason I am still fucking alive...watching bullets fly inches from me...from him...pulling my ass to cover...did you know in green team when they were torturing him it was Ash he saw pulling him under...drowning him? All the shit we have given him and all he ever does it step the fuck up and Blackburn went and did this... Kid just woke up yelling for me...thought I was dead."

"When we landed...he didn't move until you did...he followed Sonny just going through the motions but he was frozen...Sonny kept trying to piss him off and I didn't get why but Trent said to let it go...he ended up breaking down and Sonny had him sleep in his bed...Sonny on the floor...none of us saw it...just exhausted and glad we made it back...but Sonny...man did he push him...and then when the Kid broke down...all of us were crying, man...but it was Sonny...he stuck to Spencer."

"Why didn't anyone say anything?" Jason asked as he ran his hands over his face again.

"You kept saying you were fine but we all knew you weren't...just wanted to do what we needed to do so we could go home and Sonny and him...seemed fine the next day."

"Blackburn fucked with the kids head today."

"How else could he get through to you?" Brock asked, "Davis, Mandy and him all saw what happened...then heard your version of what happened...Boss, the two did not come close...I didn't fucking know how bad you guys had it...the shooting...we heard it but didn't see it...didn't see how you were out in the open like that..."

"Reliving it took everything out of Clay...kid fucking passed out when he..."

"He knew he was safe...knew Sonny had his back...those two...I've never seen Sonny like he is with the Kid."

"He went to Clay about Danny." Jason said, "Kid stayed with Sonny and Davis...goes both ways...all I heard after the crash was Clay's voice...just repeating, 'I've got you' over and over...he did...I didn't know how much then but when Medders...when I realized he was dead...Clay knew...just held my fucking arm steady...grounded me...did the same thing today."

"You going to be able to go in the field with him like you did before?" Brock asked, "Military doesn't put family in the same unit for a reason."

"You asking me if I can do my job?"

"You and Sonny relate to Clay different than anyone I have ever seen in DevGru."

"Makes us stronger."

"You are pissed at Ray because he did the same thing you did."

"Ray lied to me. Told me that he got his shoulder checked out...that he was cleared when he never went and ended up killing that kid... I crashed in a fucking helo and my head...I didn't see it...and I did go to the doctor and they cleared me...knowing what I know now they probably shouldn't have but I went to the doctor. I didn't lie to my commanding officer."

"You were obsessed with..."

"Steve was my Brother...Cutter...we had to finish it."

"Just saying...shouldn't be so hard on Ray...and the Kid brings a new level to Bravo."

"Ray needs instructor hours to get his own team. Kid is going to be my number two until Ray gets his hours."

"We get spun up before he gets his hours?"

"Then Ray stays back."

"Seriously?"

"We were spun up with five after Nate."

"And added Clay as soon as he was done with Green Team."

"Ray will be rehabbing for months. Should finish his hours around the same time he is cleared."

"You aren't going to tell him that though?" Brock asked as he pulled into Jason's driveway.

"Wouldn't make a difference. Already told him I want him running with Sonny as soon as he can."

"You make us all prove to you...who do you have to prove?" Brock asked as Jason climbed out of the car.

"Blackburn." Jason answered as he closed the door, hitting the roof twice, "And the cake eaters."

* * *

Stella walked into the bedroom, followed by Lisa and together they covered up Clay and Sonny. "I'm not leaving him." Sonny told Stella, opening one eye.

"Would never ask you to." She told him as she took Clay's boots off.

"Do you need me to stay?" Lisa asked Sonny, sitting down next to him on the bed.

"Need or want?" Sonny asked her back.

"I will be back in the morning to take you both in."

"Tell me when you get home." Sonny made her promise and she squeezed his hand before letting herself out of the apartment.

"How can I help him?" Stella asked once they were alone together.

"If that ever happens again you call whoever he is calling for then you call me."

"The ever protective Sonny Quinn." Stella smiled.

"Can you do this?" Sonny asked her.

"I don't know." She told him, "I want to."

"Will you promise me something?" Sonny asked, and Stella cocked an eyebrow at him in the dim lighting. "If anything ever changes will you tell me?"

"That I can promise." Stella told him, "Now, go to sleep." She said laying down on the edge of the bed next to Clay and wrapping herself in his arm.

"G'Night." Sonny mumbled as he closed his eyes, his hand now on her shoulder.


	6. Chapter 6

"What in the God-damned-hell-fucking-bullshit-crap were you thinking pulling that shit yesterday?!" Jason screamed at Blackburn as he stormed into his office, slamming the door behind him. "The whole fucking team did not need to see that damn video let alone go over it multiple times making the Kid narrate what we were fucking watching."

"Are you done?" Erik asked, leaning back in his chair, looking at Jason. When the man didn't continue his tirade, "Sit."

Jason sat, "Why?"

"There are some who want to remove Clay from Bravo." Erik told him.

"Why in the fuck would anyone want to tear apart one of the best teams to ever be in DevGru?! That is not happening. Over my fucking dead body would that ever even be a possibility." Jason said jumping up and getting into Blackburn's face.

Sitting calmly at his desk he waited until Jason sat back down, "In the twenty years you have been on the teams you have never acted or reacted to any member of your team like you do with Clay Spencer."

"I look out for my guys. Spencer is no different than Ray or Sonny, Trent or Brock."

"Nate?"

"No different."

"Except it is and the only way you can continue as a team is if you accept that and learn how to work with it."

"What are you talking about?"

"I am talking about you needing to get your head straight Jason."

"Clay woke up calling my name last night because of your bullshit stunt with the video."

"Your team has never been about feelings. That changed when you brought on Spencer."

"And you think that is a bad thing?" Jason asked, not longer sure what he should be pissed off about.

"No...no, Jason I think it is a good thing but it is new and until you figure it out..."

"Until we figure it out we are a liability." Jason said leaning forward with his head in his hands, elbows on his knees.

"How long have you known me?" Jason looked up at Blackburn and cocked his eyebrow, "I may not have come up with you but we both got here right around the same time. Losing Nate...your separation from Alana...losing Steve and echo team...you haven't had an easy couple of years and until now you haven't let anyone in and you have been trying to carry everyone on your shoulders. The whole point of teams is to help carry the load." Erik told him.

"You think Clay is a younger version of me." Jason said.

"Don't you?"

"I don't think I came in quite so cocky." Jason smirked, Erik really did know him whether he wanted him to or not. They had spent more time together in the last two decades than most can say about their spouses.

"Jason your belt buckle had a damned rooster on it." Erik said, managing to keep a straight face until he saw Jason's face at the recollection.

* * *

"How long does it take for the panic to go away?" Clay asked Sonny as they were lifting weights.

"I will let you know when I find out." Sonny said with a sad smile, "Spot me will ya." He said lifting the bar again.

"Never woken up like that before."

"You also haven't gone down in a helo or seen the boss man hanging upside down out of it...or in the middle of a mud pit with bullets flying all around."

"When you say being home is the hardest part for you...why is that?"

"When we are deployed I am never alone...I am lucky if I get five minutes to myself to take a crap...here though...my apartment...being on a normal nine to five...there is too much alone."

"So what do you usually do?"

"Try and keep busy...spend time bouncing between Jason and Ray's...going to Emma and Mikey's games...go to the gym...bar...strip clubs...the ladies...uhhh they are company."

"Davis?"

"What about her?"

"You are close to her."

"Uh yeah...I guess...we've known each other forever."

"You guys ever date?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Against regulations I guess...never really thought about it."

"You are full of shit." Clay smirked, "Never really thought about it my ass."

"Shut up and lift Pretty Boy." Sonny said trading places with Clay on the bench.

* * *

Davis could see the area where Clay and Sonny were working out from the desk she was using and she couldn't help but smile. It was clear that the two were pushing each other and egging each other on about something. She couldn't see details because she was too far away but she knew they were happy. They deserved to be happy.

"What are you smiling about?" Jason asked, walking up behind Lisa and moving her chair around.

"What?" She asked, snapping back to reality and turning her head back to the computer screen.

"Kid wake up again last night?" Jason asked, seeing who she was watching through the window.

"If he did they didn't say anything." She said dropping her arms and leaning back in the chair.

"Not sure if I should say anything or not." Jason said, leaning against the desk and looking out at Sonny and Clay who soon after were joined by Ray, Brock and Trent.

"Two of them keep to themselves."

"That's how we all used to be."

"You, Adam, Steve, Nate and Ray have always had a connection."

"You connect with the people you come up with...and the person directly above and below you in your unit. You do your jobs."

"Clay was put as your strap and you told Sonny to look out for him before you went on deployment. Which is what you just said but you and I both know it is different with him." Lisa said, "Sonny has never gone to any of you for anything but went straight to Clay when Blackburn told him about Danny." Jason nodded and kept watch out the window, "When your rescue helo landed I saw you leaning on Clay with him holding your arm." She pushed, "You telling me you would have ever done that with anyone else?"

"I had a traumatic brain injury." Jason told her.

"Yeah...one you told everyone who asked that you were fine so don't feed me that."

"Don't know what you want me to say Davis."

"Would you ever trust Brock to go on a mission without someone from Bravo?"

"He has done it before because of Cerb."

"Would you trust Clay?"

"No." Jason said crossing his arms.

"What is the difference?" Lisa asked, looking at Jason knowingly.

"He is..." Jason stopped himself.

"He is what?"

"He is nothing. What?" Jason said nonsensically as he fought the tears that were stinging his eyes.

"He is what, Jace?" She asked again, this time standing up and putting her hands on his shoulders. "He is what?"

"He is different." Jason said, looking straight into her eyes, "Special."

"What makes him special?"

"Dammit Davis." Jason said, looking up quickly, trying to keep the tears from falling from his eyes.

"What makes him so special?"

"He still sees us as human."

"Hate to break it to you, but you are human." Lisa smiled at him, reaching up to wipe a tear with her thumb.

"People don't see us like that...not like he does...when we lost Nate...then the Kid lost Brian...and I gave him a hard time about being soft...but it wasn't that...when we lost Echo...he didn't know them...but he still saw them...saw us...did stupid shit to make us smile or say something so off the wall to fire up Sonny to get out heads where they needed to be...when we crashed...he just kept saying 'I've got you Jace, I've got you Brother' and the Kid really did...so when I didn't know what was real and what wasn't in the helo I knew he had me...that he would keep me safe...felt safe with him...when I didn't know up from down I knew he would keep me safe."

"Why do you think Sonny went to him when Erik told him about Danny?"

"He knew it was okay to not be okay with him and it wouldn't change how the kid thought about him...how he looked up to us."

"You think Erik looks at you any different than he did six months ago?"

"No."

"What about Ray?"

"No."

"Sonny?" Jason shook his head, "Brock? Trent?"

"What is your point?"

"They all see you the same but the only one that made a difference to you was Clay."

"They all make a difference."

"Come on Jace."

"When did you start calling me Jace?"

"When I finally saw you act like a human." Lisa smirked. "Clay changed you." She smiled, "Changed Sonny too."

* * *

"Let's go to dinner." Jason said, walking out to what had unofficially become Bravo's sanctuary when they were home.

Sonny put down the weights, Brock and Ray stopped pedaling, Trent and Clay stopped the treadmills they were running on. "You buying?" Clay asked.

"Shower. Meet me in the cages in fifteen." Jason told them receiving a choir of 'Okay Boss' from his team. Once they were all gone he sat down on the bench and picked up Cerb's ball, tossing it a few times for her before walking into the building and waiting in his cage for the guys to come back in.

Cerberus jumped up into his hammock and laid down on top of him, "What do you think you are doing crazy dog?" Jason laughed, scratching the dog between the ears.

Clay was the first one back and instead of going into his cage he went into Jason's and leaned against one of the crates, "Why am I different?" He finally asked. "What am I doing wrong that the cake eaters think..."

"You aren't doing anything wrong." Jason said, pissed at himself for the tears stinging his eyes again.

"What's going on Boss Man?" Sonny questioned as he walked in, standing with his shoulder touching Clay's.

"Kid wants to know what he is doing wrong." Jason said with tears in his eyes.

"Only thing he is doing wrong is buy that disgusting import beer." Ray said, followed in by Brock and Trent.

"I'm serious." Clay said, looking only at Jason.

"You see us as human." Jason finally told him, "Make it okay for us...okay for me...to not be okay and not always have things handled."

"Woah." Brock and Trent said at the same time, they didn't think Jason Hayes would ever admit to not being perfect.

"I am sorry. I am the one who screwed up...not you. You have kept this team together." Jason told Clay as a tear slid from his eye.

"Jace..." Clay started.

"No...the entire deployment I was of chasing...my vendetta...I was not looking out for you...any of you...Sonny, you did exactly what I asked, looking out for Clay...and damn it all if Clay didn't have your back right back when you lost Danny. I didn't see what was right in front of my face. What is wrong with this team...what has them concerned is me...not any of you."

"You trained us to have each other...if anything happens to anyone we can all step up or step in and we have it covered...you did that Brother." Ray told him, "Me not telling you about my shoulder was because I needed the deployment...it was selfish...and could have gotten us all killed."

"Jason we know what our jobs are...and if we ever questioned a mission we would have said something." Brock said, Cerberus barking that she agreed.

"After the crash...we didn't need to go on that last mission." Jason told them.

"All of us wanted to get the bastards that killed Echo Team. It wasn't just you who lost someone." Trent said and Jason remembered that two of the members of Echo came up with Brock and Trent.

"If any of you want a..." Jason said looking around.

"What the Hell have you been drinking?" Sonny said, quickly seeing where his Boss's mind was headed pushed Jason's feet and Cerb jumped down. "Get your ass up and lets get dinner."

Jason looked around at his men, the men he felt like he had failed and they were all standing there staring at him like he had lost his damn mind...and maybe he had. All of them piled into Jason's truck, Clay climbing into the driver seat as Jason walked around to the passenger side not even questioning the younger man's move. Sonny and Ray jumping into the bed of the truck as Brock, Cerb and Trent climbed into the backseat, the drive to Jason's favorite Taco Joint was only a few blocks off base. Clay didn't even ask the man where he intended on having dinner...taco's were kind of his thing...unless it was barbecue but then that was in a backyard...he had said to go out...and out meant Tacos.

Sonny sent a text to Lisa and Erik telling them where they were headed, that they could join if they wanted. He would have invited Mandy but she was already off to her next mission. It felt wrong not to have them all together and he knew that as much as the three of them tried to separate themselves from Bravo they were a part of the same team. "I haven't been here since..." Jason said as he stepped out of the truck, looking over at Clay rather than behind him to Ray.

"I've got you Brother." Clay said as he opened the door for Jason and the team.

"Kiss Ass." Sonny smirked at Clay as he pushed him in the door, keeping his hand on Clay's shoulder so the kid would know he was teasing.

"Welcome in Boys." The lady at the counter smiled, "The Jason Special has already been called in and will be ready for you in a few minutes."

"The Jason Special?" Sonny asked, trying not to laugh.

"Yeah...a Sargent called us just a minute ago and ordered what he gets every time he is here." The girl said nervously, apparently a group of Navy Seals was intimidating to the teen.

"Thanks." Jason said as he turned and walked to the large table towards the rear of the restaurant sitting down. "Sonny?" He asked as the man sat down across from him, Clay sliding in next to Jason and the other three taking their places around the rest of the table. "When are they getting here?"

"Soon I am guessing." Sonny said, "Family dinner has to have the whole family."

"Mandy isn't here." Jason reminded him.

"Cant do much about that Boss Man, but I can make sure everyone else is here."

"Hey Boys." Blackburn said, walking in followed by Lisa jut as the waitress brought out everyone's drinks. "Haven't had tacos in quite some time."

"I am not right yet." Jason said quietly as he looked at Eric.

"Wasn't asking." Eric said, nodding to Sonny and Clay who had become the self appointed body guards.

Lisa was bolder and sat down on the sliver of bench next to Jason and pushed him over so he no longer had an escape route, "Not sure any of us are right yet after the last few months."

"We aren't here to talk about work. We are here to eat." Erik said, sitting down next to Sonny, impressed at the guts it took for her to block Jason in.

"The last time I was here I saw them." Jason mumbled, "Worried that will happen again."

The guys watched as Lisa put her hand on his arm and Clay scooted ever so slightly so that his shoulder was touching Jason's. "I think there is a new order to Bravo, and what I am seeing...Jason it is a good thing." Eric told them.

Jason looked up at Eric with glossy eyes, "Not so good with change."

"Some change is good Jace." Lisa said, briefly leaning into Jason's shoulder, something that she had previously only dared to do with Sonny and Clay. Jason surprised her and put his arm around her, pulling her into his side.

When the food arrived Jason kept his arm on the back of the bench around Lisa as he ate one handed, Sonny and Clay effectively working as his second hand knowing what it was he needed before he ever needed to reach for it, red sauce for the burrito, green for the taco...down to Sonny putting a straw in the cup full of Dr Pepper Ray had gotten for him. The team didn't need work in communication or knowing what the other needed, they knew each other...what they needed was to learn how the emotional aspect of that was new and until the new became just as routine as Jason's hot sauce choice they would not be cleared to go into the field.

* * *

Back on base after dinner Clay and Sonny found themselves sitting in their cages because that was what Jason was doing. The two knew it was an excuse not to go home and they were not going to let him get away with that. At eight Sonny finally got up and walked into Jason's cage, sitting down on a crate and staring at Jason, Clay two seconds behind.

"Don't need a babysitter." Jason said as he continued to stare at the screen on his laptop, Sonny leaned over to see what he had been watching and Sonny immediately grabbed the laptop from Jason's hands and threw it across the man's cage.

"Don't need a babysitter my ass. What the fuck are you watching that shit for?" Sonny yelled at him.

"Thirteen times." Jason mumbled.

"Thirteen times what?" Clay asked.

"Thirteen times a bullet came within inches of me. Thirteen times I should have been dead...thirteen fucking times if you wouldn't have been dragging my ass the next shot would have gotten me...fuck...do you know how many bullets whizzed passed you in order for you to save me?"

"Twenty-seven." Clay answered without hesitation and Sonny could see the Kid's emotions instantly coming to the surface.

"How in the Hell do you know that?" Jason asked. "You only watched the video twice."

"I was there." Clay told him as the tears spilled from his eyes. "I was fucking there and I was counting...when they are that close you can hear them...you can hear them and the sound...I was counting."

Jason stood up and sat down next to Clay, pulling the Kid into him and holding him. "You never said you counted." Sonny said, his voice cracking and Jason could hear in his voice the fear and sadness in his number three.

"Just another thing I don't want to remember." Clay said as Sonny made his way over to join his brothers on the crate. "The worst was watching Medders get shot...the bullets bouncing him side to side as he went down." Clay said, his head still in Jason's shoulder, "But then you were still talking to him like he was talking to you and for a minute I didn't know which one of us was seeing things."

"Fuck." Sonny said as he punched the cage wall. "Being split up...that is when the bad stuff happens."

"If we would have all been on that helo we wouldn't all be here now." Jason said.

"It just keeps replaying in my head..." Clay mumbled, "Won't stop."

"Let's get you home Kid." Jason said, the three standing up together, this time Sonny getting in the driver seat as Jason helped Clay into the passenger seat with himself climbing in behind, keeping his arm around Clay the entire time.

"Hey Stella." Sonny said as the three walked in, Jason practically carrying Clay in, tear stains covering his face as Jason led him into his bedroom, helping him kick off his shoes.

Stella walked up next to Sonny and whispered, "Is this what it is always going to be like?"

"No." Sonny said firmly, damn it all if he couldn't take their pain away soon...he might break.

"What happened?" She asked in awe as Jason crawled into bed holding her boyfriend as he cried into his chest.

"We almost didn't make it home...some of our Brothers didn't...I can't go into details but you saw the footage of what was left after the crash...when we have to go over the after action reports...the drone footage with heat signatures...it is scary shit."

"Jason is treating him like he is his kid or something." She said, putting her arm on Sonny's, "I get it with you...brothers watching out or whatever but Jason is..."

"Jason is Bravo One...and Clay saved him that day...two of them...even before that happened had a weird connection."

As Jason held Clay's head to his chest he leaned his head down and pressed his lips onto the top of the Kids head and closed his eyes as he allowed his own tears to fall. "You deserve more Kid." Jason whispered, only loud enough for Clay to hear, "Ash isn't your family...Bravo is your family." Which of course made Clay cling even tighter as he cried out in emotional pain.

"I always saw Navy guys as unbreakable...cocky assholes mostly...you guys are different though...kind of throwing everything I thought out the window." Stella told Sonny, "What did he just say to him?"

"Bravo is his family." Sonny answered, knowing it was more than that, but that was all she needed to hear from him.

"Are you guys going to be staying here with him?"

"Don't think Jace is going to let Clay out of his sight tonight." Sonny shrugged.

"And you?" She asked, Sonny shrugged and she went on, "I am going to go my apartment, I have an early class tomorrow...if he needs something though...call me." Sonny nodded and watched her as she gathered her things up and left, leaving the three of them alone.

When Sonny walked into the bedroom he kicked off his shoes and sat down on the bed, sitting on the other side of Clay. His eyes were closed but his breathing was still ragged as the tears dried on his cheek. "We've got you Little Buddy." Sonny said as he reached his hand over, first putting it on Clay's shoulder before dropping it down to squeeze Jason's arm.

Jason still had his lips against Clay's head and only slightly turned to face Sonny, "Told him he deserved more...that we are his family."

"I know."

"But you told Stella..."

"I know." Sonny said, "Wasn't sure how much he has shared about Ash..."

"She's met him..." Clay mumbled without opening his eyes or moving from how Jason was holding him.

"I mean it Kid. We are your family."

"You should be home with your family." Clay said, "With Emma and Mikey."

"I am right where I need to be." Jason said quickly reaching into his pocket and handing his phone to Sonny.

Sonny looked between Clay and Jason before texting Alana, 'Rough day at the office. With Sonny and Spencer.' Not ten seconds later came the reply, 'Thanks Sonny, Rough day for the Kid or J?' "How does she know it wasn't you?" Sonny asked before responding, 'both.'

"Guessing you used his name instead of calling him Kid."

"Why doesn't my dad care?" Clay asked with a shaky breath as a new wave of tears flowed from his eyes, "When they were doing the training...the simulated torture...in the water it was him pulling me down...he was my worst...but he is my dad...why doesn't he care?"

"I've got you now." Jason said, hugging him tighter into him and Clay curled himself around so he was all but sitting on Jason's lap. "I care...always, Clay...I promise you that."

Sonny scooted himself and moved Clay's legs so they went over top of his own as he sat shoulder to shoulder to Jason, the two leaning into each other, "We've got you Little Buddy."

Clay opened his eyes and looked at Sonny, "Keep hearing your scream on comms as we went down...at first I thought you crashed too but then there was no smoke..."

Another revelation to both Jason and Sonny and Jason buried his face into the mop of blonde curls as he held the youngest member of Bravo, "I've got you...you are safe...we are all safe." Jason said barely above a whisper as he ran his fingers through Clay's hair. He was only a few years older than Emma and it killed him that he had to grow up without feeling the love of a Father and he made a note to track down whoever did raise him because they did a damn good job at it. It didn't take long for Clay to start to relax into him and before he knew it he felt the weight of his head on his arm as his body relaxed down.

Sonny watched as Clay spread out in sleep, surprised at how much Jason kept a hold on him, choosing to hold him rather than lay him down on the bed. "He is only eleven years older than Emma."

"Yup." Sonny said, quickly understanding why Jason was still holding onto his brother.

"I don't want Emma to ever know..."

"She sees us as human just like he does. She knows what it means to have a Dad that loves her though." Sonny said, slouching down and leaning his head against Jason's shoulder.

"Kid's heart...Sonny I don't want him to ever lose that."

"Play Boy still snuggles in his sleep...don't think we have to worry about him losing that." Sonny said with a yawn as his head leaned heavier into Jason's shoulder.

"I've got you too, Cowboy." Jason said with a yawn as he closed his eyes.

* * *

When Clay woke up he felt the sun streaming in on his face and slowly opening his eyes. A split second later he realized that his face was inches from Sonny's sleeping form and wrapped tight in Jason's arms. Flashing back to the night before, Jason had all but said that he was his dad. "Meant what I said Kid." Jason mumbled, running his hand through Clay's messy hair.

"Never seen him this relaxed." Clay said about Sonny as his head slid forward, resting on his chest.

"I have." Jason said, moving a hand down and resting it on Sonny's shoulder.

Having a mental debate with himself on whether or not he should continue to snuggle against his unit leader, "I've served with guys before...but it was never like this...not like things are with Bravo."

"Kid I've been doing this longer than you have been alive and I have never been...its a good different though."

"How does he sleep through us talking?" Clay asked, bringing his hand up and running his hand through Sonny's hair, something he would have never thought to do to another man...like ever, but Sonny was his Brother and this was all very different.

"Blackburn wants us to report in an hour." Sonny mumbled, "And I'm not sleeping."

"We have to find a way to make this work...where we can focus but still work...without..." Jason started.

"Family at home, Brothers in the field?" Clay asked.

"Yeah Kid...something like that."

"All of this mushy crap is going to make me crazy." Sonny mumbled without moving from where he was snuggled into Clay and Jason.

"You ready to get up then Cowboy?" Clay asked, squeezing Sonny's shoulder.

"Just need another minute." Sonny said, eyes still closed.

"Got you." Jason said, reaching his hand to cup Sonny's face in his hand. "Both of you...always, anytime."

Not thirty seconds later Jason's phone rang and out of reflex Sonny answered it, as it was sitting next to his leg after he had sent Alana the text the night before. "Sonny." He said.

"Where's Jason?" Blackburn asked. "Everything okay?"

"We are fine Erik." Jason said, taking his phone from Sonny.

"What does he want?" Clay asked.

"Where are you?" Erik asked, now extremely confused.

"Kid's apartment."

"All of you?"

"Three of us."

"Where are the rest of you?"

"My guess is home...just waking up like we are. What do you need?"

"If you are just waking up...what are you doing at Spencer's?"

"We were sleeping."

"The three of you?" Erik asked, exasperated. If any of them ever denied Bravo changing since they called up the kid...

"What did you call for Erik?"

"Delta team is being spun up and we need you to help prep them...under normal circumstances..."

"We would be going."

"Yeah."

"Where to?" Clay asked.

"Jordan." Erik answered.

"Hostage?" Sonny asked.

"Journalist."

"You need all of us?"

"Called you Jace."

"We are a team." Jason answered.

"Cant fit read in all six of you."

"Ray is with Adam."

"Four and Five?"

"Have them help with Davis to get them geared up."

"Needed you ten minutes ago."

"On our way." Jason said, nudging the guys and Erik could hear the other two mumbling and shuffling around as they got up.

"You were in bed?" Erik asked.

"Told you we were sleeping."

"That you did." He said before Jason hung up the phone and the three burst out in a fit of laughter. "Think Erik is ready for the new Bravo?"

"We are in this together." Jason said. "Five minutes and we are out the door. Kid you have any food?"

"Protein mix is on the counter." Clay said and he shoved his feet in his boots, not bothering to tie them.

* * *

"You get ahold of Jason?" Davis asked Blackburn as she walked into the conference room.

"And Sonny and Spencer." Erik said with a weird look on his face.

"Thought you were just calling in Jason."

"So did I." He said, staring at his phone. "Sonny answered."

"They stay at Clay's?"

"Jason said they were sleeping."

"Clay's apartment has been home since we got back...don't think Sonny has stayed at his place yet."

"Do I want to know?" Erik asked.

"Danny...the video...Jason and Ray being in the hospital...you can't tell me you actually thought Sonny and Clay have spent more than a couple hours away from each other since we landed."

"Honestly...hadn't thought about it."

"Jason is Dad. Sonny and Clay may as well be actual brothers... the three of them...cant really explain it but in all the time I have known Sonny I have never known him to let anyone in and..."

"Sonny has always let you in." Erik smirked.

"Guys you come up with and the one above and below you." Lisa recited.

"Can they still do their jobs?"

"Once they figure this out...they will be even better than before."

"Where does that leave Ray?"

"Once Jason is done proving his point he will be back at two."

"So what will happen with the Kid?"

"Go back to six."

"And that won't..."

"Bravo is a family. Numbers don't mean anything to any of them other than a call sign on the damn radio."

"Hope you are right." Erik said, nodding his head as he saw the three drop their phones in the holder outside the door.

"Let's do this." Jason said, sitting down between Sonny and Clay.

"Let's do this." Erik repeated as he flipped on the screen.


	7. Chapter 7

"You are going to spend time with your kids tonight." Clay said as the three walked out of the conference room.

"Since when are you the Boss?" Jason asked the kid.

"You have barely seen them since we got back." Sonny reminded him.

"Then we are having a barbecue." Jason said, pulling out his phone and shooting a text to Ray, Trent, Brock, Lisa and Alana.

"Don't you want time with your family?" Clay asked him as they walked out to the parking lot.

"Bravo is my family."

"Sure Alana wants us all at her house?" Sonny asked.

Getting a ping from Alana saying she is picking up stuff at the store, Jason smiled and waved his phone at Sonny. "Yup."

* * *

When they had all finished dinner Clay found himself in the kitchen with Emma and Alana helping with the dishes, "Thanks for letting us take over your house."

"No problem." Alana said, Clay knew that her and Jason's relationship was different, that the two had been together since they were in high school and despite the fact that they were not living as husband and wife they were still best friends. "Bravo's always welcome here."

After being very quiet Emma set down her towel and walked over to Clay giving him a timid hug, "Thank you keeping my Dad alive..."

Looking over to Alana, she nodded and Clay pulled her in for a hug, "Just doing my job." He said, not sure what else to say.

"You did more than your job...you saved him...dragged him to safety..."

"I'm always going to do everything I can to get all of us home safe." Clay told her as he pulled tighter and brushing her hair back over her shoulder wondering how she knew as much as she did. Clay felt her nod into his chest as she started to shake, knowing she was crying he put his arms around and full on held her, "We will all be okay."

"Emma..." Alana started, but Clay shook his head as he continued to hold Emma in his arms, leaning his head down on hers the same way that Jason had held him the night before. Clay knew what it was like to worry...as crappy as his relationship with his father may be, Ash was still his dad and growing up he remembered that fear anytime he saw something on the news, saw the dark cars drive by slowly...he knew what it was like to have a dad who was a Team Guy.

"You saved him." Emma mumbled, "Thank you for making sure my Daddy came home."

"He made sure I got home too." Clay said, barely above a whisper because his voice cracked with emotion.

* * *

"Where'd the Kid go?" Sonny asked Jason as he set down his beer.

"Took the dishes in." Jason told him.

"Like twenty minutes ago." Brock said, leaning forward, his hands on his knees.

"Alana probably made him do the dishes." Trent laughed.

"Nah...Kid would have volunteered if he saw her doing them." Ray said, "Either way he should have been out by now. Loading the dishwasher doesn't take that long when we used paper plates."

"Think he is doing better?" Trent asked.

"We are fine." Jason said as he stood up, walking towards his house.

"When did Spencer become a we?" Naima asked.

"Sure you are." Ray said at the same time.

"Will be." Sonny said after him, "Two of them...what you guys went through...what we went through..."

"We'll get there Brother." Ray told Sonny as Jason closed the door to the house.

* * *

When Jason walked into the kitchen he expected to see Clay doing dishes or talking to Alana, what he saw instead was the youngest member of his team holding his daughter in his arms as she cried, clinging to him like he was her lifeline. "I promise you...I will do everything I can...always..." Clay told her as he pressed his lips into her head the same way that he had done to the Kid.

"What?...What?" Jason asked as he looked over to where Alana stood, silently crying, his heart breaking as his daughter continued to cling to Clay, him with tears in his own eyes. "Emma..." Jason said, trying to get her to let go of Clay but it was like he wasn't even there.

When Emma's knees gave out from her legs Clay lifted her up, "I've got you." Seeing Emma wrap her arms around him the same way she had done to him a thousand times as a little girl as Clay carried her to the couch in the living room he felt his heart breaking. Emma was hurting because of him. When Clay set her down next to him but keeping his arm around her he whispered, "Talk to me." looking up at Jason who had followed them into the living room. Clay knew Jason tried to keep as much of his job away from his kids as he could, wanted to protect them as much as he could and he was nervous about the closeness to his daughter but in that moment she felt like family and he had to protect her.

"I heard...I heard them talking...that he would be dead if it wasn't for you...I know the job is hard and dangerous but his head...he didn't come home the same." Emma sobbed, looking up at Clay.

"None of us did...none of us." Clay said lifting Emma's chin so she was looking at him, "But we came home and the doctors said we will all be okay." As he took a deep breath he looked over to where Jason was leaning into the door frame, "Your Dad...Emma he does the best that he can do and he is damn good at his job and he loves you so much...We are different this time but it is going to be a good different."

"My Dad has never cried...at least not where I have seen him but...at the Taco Place...one of my friends saw him and he...and then when he was in the hospital face timing...he tried to hide it but..." Emma said sitting up taller and wiping the tears from her face.

"What do you think about that?" Clay asked, again looking to Jason.

"I think that if he was like this before my parents would still be together." She answered, not at all what Clay was expecting and when he looked up at Jason and the pain was written all over his face.

"Emma...do you know one of the hardest parts of our job?"

"Hmm?"

"The things that we see...the people we meet...knowing we can't save them all...some of them stick with us...they change us and over time in order to not let those feelings take over it is easier to try to compartmentalize than bring it home...but what people don't realize is that-that is just as bad as to come home closed off." Clay told her.

Emma faced Clay again and studied him before saying, "You are what is different...you get them to talk...same as what you are doing with me now." Leaning into Clay's side and pulling his arm around her, Jason saw Clay relax and lean into her, tightening his hold on her. It was strange to see his daughter seeking comfort in one of HIS guys, Emma and Mikey had been raised with the knowledge that if you need anything you can call 'Aunt or Uncle' so and so who was on his team...the majority of their childhood the Aunt and Uncles being Nate, Ray, Adam and their wives...to have her reach out to Clay this way though...it was new on many different levels and made his world shift on its axis.

"So I keep hearing." Clay mumbled, leaning his head against the top of hers. Clay still didn't get it...he still saw himself as the weakness rather than the strength.

"I am glad that Dad put you on Bravo." Emma whispered, putting her hand over where Clay had his on her arm.

"Me too, Kiddo." Jason said sitting down on the couch next to his daughter.

"I'm sorry." She said, reaching her hand out to her father.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." Jason said, pulling his daughter into his side, Emma immediately reaching out to touch Clay's arm, maintaining physical contact with the kid and it did not go unnoticed. "Nothing...you hear me?"

"We should have told you it was okay not to always be okay." Emma told him.

"When did you get so smart?" Jason laughed as his daughter wiped a tear from his cheek.

"Learned from Mom." Emma smirked, tear tracks still present on her cheeks.

"I love you. You know that right?" Jason said, first hugging his daughter, then reaching over and squeezing Clay's shoulder, looking up and nodding slightly when Clay nodded his head.

"I heard you say that you wouldn't have made it home if it wasn't for Clay."

"I wouldn't have." He said sadly, looking right at Clay, "I am here because of Clay, but what we do...it takes all of us and at some point or another I have kept them alive and they have kept me alive."

"But you couldn't save Nate?" She asked and Jason's world froze, he forgot how to breathe and was instantly thrown back into that boat, blood on the floor and his best friend dead right next to him.

"I was sitting right next to him...Nate was..."

"You didn't cry...not even at his funeral." Emma said, looking up to see Sonny standing in the doorway with his arm around her mom. She knew pushing her Dad was probably not the smartest move but with Clay and Sonny both there...and her mom...she was old enough to know he needed pushing and she would be damned if her Dad found a way to shut everyone out again.

"I had to be strong for Molly and Landon...for you, Mikey and your Mom...I had to be strong." Jason said, his voice breaking.

"You didn't have to, not really." Emma told him as she squeezed Clay's arm, she was nervous pushing her Dad like this...she had seen his temper...knew the kinds of things he did for a job, but she was more scared of what would happen if he didn't find a way to talk about the things in his head.

"I did." Jason whispered.

"No...no you didn't...none of us did." Sonny said walking into the living room and sitting down on the armrest of the couch with tears in his eyes, he figured something was up when Jason didn't come back out...he just did not expect it to be centered around Emma and certainly didn't expect Clay to be holding Jason's daughter.

"I had to." Jason said shaking his head back and forth, "Had to."

"Jace." Clay and Sonny said at the same time.

"Had to...had to..." Jason mumbled over and over as he put his head in his hands.

"Dad?" Emma asked, putting her hand on her dad's arm, taking it away from Clay for the first time since he had carried her into the room.

Clay picked up Emma and moved her to his other side as he scooted so he was next to Jason and pulled him over, the older man easily falling to the side putting his head in Clay's lap basically melting into him, Emma leaned into Clay's side and started running her fingers through her father's hair. "Had to..." Jason kept his mantra.

"Emma maybe you should go upstairs." Alana said, walking into the living room, her kids had never been that close with any of the men on Jason's team despite being surrounded by them her entire life and she certainly had never seen Jason like this.

"I think she is fine." Sonny said, looking up to Alana who studied Sonny's face. "Alana...she is fine."

"Emma?" Alana questioned.

"Mom I am not a kid anymore." She told her and Alana raised her arms in defeat.

"Sonny so help me..." She threatened with tears in her eyes, "If you need me I will be outside."

"Emma you don't have..." Clay started.

"You are like ten minutes older than me and he is my Dad." Alana heard her daughter snap at Clay and shook her head, Sonny had been right and their baby girl was not a little girl anymore.

Sonny smirked, "Definitely Jason's kid."

"Can we focus here please boys? Clearly not okay right now." Emma said gesturing to her father.

"Jace?" Sonny asked, moving down so he was sitting face to face with Jason. "Look at me Brother."

"Sonny I had to." He said again.

"Jace why did you have to?" Clay asked.

"Nate was my Brother...I can't lose...I couldn't..."

"Daddy?" Emma said leaning down so she was hugging her Dad's head, "Did you have to for us or for you?"

When Jason looked up as his daughter he reached for her face, "I am sorry."

"Dad did you have to for us or for you?" Emma asked again.

Jason shook his head and moved to sit up, "I did what I had to."

"Jace, answer her question." Clay urged.

"I didn't have a choice." Jason said, running his hand through his hair, starting to look like a caged lion.

"You had a team, a family to look out for...but now, now you have us looking out for you." Sonny said, "What Erik was talking about...this new...shit...this is what we have to get through to move forward so for fucks sake just talk to us." He begged, looking up at Emma, "Sorry. Language."

Emma reached out and put her hand on Sonny's shoulder, when he looked into her eyes he calmed down almost instantly. "If you think I haven't heard the word fuck before...Sonny I am going to college next year...anyway, you lost Nate too, almost lost my Dad and Clay...you guys don't have to be strong right now, let me be strong for you."

"I never wanted you to have to be the strong one." Jason said, quickly wiping his eyes as he stood up, pacing two steps side to side.

"You raised me to be strong...you and Mom raised me to be strong." Emma pushed him.

"I did what I had to do." Jason said breaking forward and punching the door frame, Sonny instantly up and holding him from behind. "Dammit Sonny!" He yelled, "I did what I had to do."

"Jason." Sonny said, still holding his friend from behind as he fought against him, eventually turning around so he was facing Sonny in a bear hug.

"I miss him." Jason choked out, "God I miss him."

Clay reached his arm around Emma and she moved to sit on his lap as Sonny led her dad to sit back down on the couch. "We never talk about him anymore." Sonny said. "He was our Brother and we never talk about him."

"It hurts." Jason moaned, eyes closed and hugging himself as Sonny pushed him down.

Clay kept his hold on Emma as she silently cried watching her Father's internal struggle, watching as Clay leaned so that his shoulder was touching Jason's, "He feels you." Emma whispered when her Dad leaned into him and she reached out and put her hands on her Dad's cheeks. Jason kept his eyes closed as the tears continued to fall, leaning more and more into Clay as he felt himself fade into oblivion.

Emma and Clay's touch eased him to sleep and once Clay felt his breathing even out he took a deep breath and relaxed into the couch, Emma still sitting on his lap cupping her Dad's cheek with one hand and her other arm hooked around Clay's neck.

"He sleeping?" Emma asked as her Dad's head slid back so it was cradled between the couch and Clay's shoulder. Clay nodded, not wanting to move too much and wake him up. "Sonny?" She asked, attention turning to the other SEAL in the room, seeing him fidgeting his hands when he looked up she saw the fear he usually tried to hide and waved him over to the couch where he sat down next to them. "We will get through this." Emma told him as she spun around on Clay's lap and putting her arm around Sonny, pulling him into her and Clay. "I've got you."

"Now you with the I've got you's." Sonny mumbled, "When did you grow up?"

"Shut up Sonny." She said as she ran her fingers through his hair, relaxing him almost as quickly as Clay had relaxed her father.

When Sonny let out a soft snore Emma giggled, "You guys can feel each others movements...but they feel your emotion...when you are calm they calm down...they feel you differently than they feel each other.

"We've been through a lot together." Clay reminded her.

"And you lost your friend Brian...the training accident...I heard Adam and Dad talking about it..."

"Yeah.

* * *

"What's going on in there?" Ray asked when Alana walked out to the patio, sitting down between him and Brock.

"Jason's freaking out because Emma was crying and clinging on to the Kid." She said and Ray, Trent and Brock all jumped up to run inside, "Sit back down." Alana said quietly, but with authority.

"That isn't the kind of freaking out you meant?" Ray asked.

"He was crying Ray...my husband...the one who claims to have his shit together..." Alana said, tears back in her eyes, "He saw Emma clinging to Clay and he started crying...and don't even get me started on how Clay was holding her the same way Jason holds the kids..."

"Why was Emma crying?" Naima asked, quickly getting to where it started and taking the focus off the guys.

"Clay was doing the dishes and thanked me for letting them take over the house...then Emma ran up to him and thanked him for saving her Dad."

"Jason has kept..." Ray started.

"He has kept work and home separate and Emma is old enough now that she gets it...probably better than I do...and after losing Nate..."

"Nate?" Trent and Brock said at the same time.

"His name came up and I came out here...Sonny...Sonny told him that he didn't have to be strong and then told me it was fine for Emma to stay...when did Sonny become...?"

"Those three..." Ray started. "Jace asked Sonny to look out for the Kid...and for once Sonny listened and the Kid and him have been basically inseperable...then with the crash...Trent went in the helo with Jace and Clay and...anyway...when they were shot down...I thought Sonny was going to jump out of our damn helo to get to them..."

"That doesn't explain to me why my husband is now squishy when he is around the Kid."

"Kid kept him alive...the brain injury...Clay just kept telling him 'I've got you' over and over and it got through...nothing else did but Clay...when Clay said anything Jason listened...his voice broke through to wherever Jason was." Trent said.

"That was why...in the kitchen...Clay said that to Emma."

"And you came out here?" Naima asked gently.

"Jason is already uncomfortable with all of this...and our relationship...I don't know how to help him...but the Kid...you guys...the kids...that is Jason's world."

"You think they are okay in there?" Ray asked.

"Okay? No. Will they live?" Alana shrugged and Naima put her arm around her friend.

"He brings a whole new level to this." Naima said.

"A good level." Brock and Trent said at the same time.

"Jace was going to snap if he kept going how he was...Kid got through." Alana shrugged. "I just don't know how to help him."

"It okay if I go check on..." Ray asked.

"Go..." Alana said with a small nod. "Kids should be getting to bed soon." She said nodding to where Mikey was sitting with Ray's two kids, the baby in his lap asleep as they watched a movie on his tablet.

* * *

The scene that Ray saw when he walked into the living room was not one he had expected. Emma looked up at him and gave a sad smile as she continued to run her fingers through Sonny's hair as he leaned against her asleep, she was sitting on Clay's lap, and his head resting on her shoulder also asleep and her Dad was asleep leaning against Clay. "Uncle Ray can you take a pic of this?" She asked and he pulled out his phone.

Ray gave her a weird look before pulling out his phone, first taking a photo as she held her fingers to her lips to shhh the world, then one as she held her hands to make a heart, then she leaned back and closed her own eyes pretending to be asleep. "They may kill you if they ever see these pictures." Ray smirked.

"These three? Seriously? Tough guys through and through." She rolled her eyes.

"Clearly wrapped around your little finger." Ray smiled as he sent her the photos.

"They going to be okay?" She asked him, going back to running her fingers through Sonny's hair. "Sonny always has a hard time when they are home but Dad...and I don't know Clay that well but..."

"'Ve got you." Clay mumbled as he tucked his arm around Emma's waist, making Ray smile, even when the kid was asleep he was looking out.

"What do you think Emma?"

"They'll be okay."

"What about you?"

"I'm okay...just has been a long...its been hard...and then I finally had the nerve to tell him thank you...and when I saw him cry it made me cry more and then to see Dad...and then Sonny...its not normal...and hard to see but I think I am okay."

"You want me to take these two chuckleheads?"

"No."

"You sure?"

"Yeah...can you make sure that they don't wake up my guys when they leave?"

"Sure thing." Ray smiled, "You are growing up too fast."

* * *

"Everything okay Brother?" Trent asked when Ray walked back out.

Instead of saying anything he just pulled up the first photo he took and showing it to Alana, "All the years he tried to keep things separate..." she smiled, "You tell me the Kid is good for the team he better be good for our family too."

"What's the picture?" Naima and Stella asked, both smiling when Ray showed them.

"Assume Clay is staying here tonight then?" Stella asked.

"Share the Love Brother, what's in the photo?" Brock asked.

When Ray passed the phone to his brothers the looked at it and passed it back, not saying anything. "Emma was running her fingers through Sonny's hair." Ray told them.

"Clay was holding her?" Trent asked.

"Emma wanted to make sure you didn't wake up 'her guys' when you left."

"When you guys get rolled back up...Emma is old enough now...friends of hers have already enlisted..." Alana said.

"She is stronger than all of us Alana." Ray told her.

"She shouldn't have to be."

"This life...a dad who is a Tier One Operator...whose entire social circle is made up of Team Guys...we aren't normal and we sure as hell aren't raising normal kids." Naima told Alana. "Now come on Baby, lets get our babies and head home." She said turning to Ray.

"Clay drove us here and his keys are probably in his pocket." Stella said, "Should I wake him up or..."

"I can drop you off." Lisa told her, standing up.

"Sonny and Clay still haven't spent a night apart since they got back." Stella told the group."

"They have been together every night?" Ray asked, surprised.

"They drive in separate everyday." Trent said.

"Jason was with them last night too." Alana said.

"They aren't going to be able to do this forever." Ray said, "what then?"

"With how stubborn you idiots are they will figure it out." Alana shrugged. "I am just glad you will all be home for a while."

* * *

Clay woke up as the first ray of light shone through the blinds and when he tried to move to adjust his position he felt the weight of Emma asleep on top of him, Jason on his left and Sonny on his right. Smiling and shaking his head gently he leaned back and rested his head against Jason's and closed his eyes, quickly falling back to sleep.

Sonny woke up shortly after when Alana walked into the kitchen turning on the coffee. Sonny stealthily got up from the couch and went in to join her, "Haven't seen you that relaxed in a long time." Alana told him as she handed him a mug.

"Sorry if I over stepped last night, I just..."

"You were looking out for your boys...who I hear are actually Emma's boys and Ray has a very adorable photo to.."

"What?"

"Ray came in not too long after I went outside and Emma asked for a photo shoot of her with her guys." Alana smiled as she pulled her phone out, showing him the photo that Ray had sent her. "She isn't a kid anymore...told Ray not to let anyone wake up 'her guys'."

"Her guys huh?" Sonny said, running his hands up and down his face. "I'm sorry Alana."

"Sonny Quinn, never in the time that I have known you have you ever apologized for anything."

"I..."

"They bring out the human part of you." Alana smiled sadly, "That isn't a bad thing...its good actually, just scares me that she is old enough to see the things that she does."

"She went to Clay last night...he start that or did she?"

"Emma went to him."

"Really?"

"Don't think the Kid knew how to react...looked to me before he hugged her back and then she clung to him...she has never cried about...growing up with Jason...she would be pissed if he missed things but she never cried...not like that...then Jason...fuck Sonny...my family has never been emotional and now..."

"Now things are different."

"Yeah."

"You want me to wake them up?" Sonny asked her.

"Only if you guys have to go in today."

"Its Saturday."

"Then I assume everyone will make their way back here at some point."

"We don't have to take over your house."

"I want you here." Alana said leaning into Sonny's shoulder. "Not to mention I do not think my daughter would appreciate 'her guys' leaving anytime soon."

As the two looked at Jason, Clay and Emma asleep on the couch they saw Jason open up his eyes and when he realized it was morning and he was on his couch, leaning into Clay, who was holding his daughter his eyes shot wide open and Alana and Sonny both snickered. "New normal...ready or not." Sonny smirked.

As Jason moved Clay grumbled but his head settled against Emma's, the two still asleep. "Coffee. I need coffee." He said stalking into the kitchen.

"Good morning to you too." Alana smirked as she handed him her cup. "You want to talk about it?"

"No." Jason grumbled.

"You don't want to talk. Fine. Look." She said shoving her phone in his face with the photo that Ray had taken the night before.

"What the hell is this?" Jason mumbled.

"Your daughter wanted a photo shoot with her guys."

"You take this?"

"Ray." Alana said. "She is in this now, Jason."

"Hmm." Jason acknowledged.

"She is attached Jason...to your guys..."

"I can see that."

"It doesn't bother you?"

"The Kid?" Jason asked like she was insane.

"The Kid and your daughter."

"We are family." Jason shrugged.

"Not the reaction I was anticipating."

"What do you want me to say?"

"Why it is okay for our daughter to be sleeping on his lap on our couch?"

"He makes her feel safe."

"Makes her feel safe or you?"

"Both. What difference does it make?"

"This photo isn't enough of a difference? Christ Jason the last time Emma fell asleep being held by one of your guys she was four."

"Uh guys...not sure if this is the conversation they should wake up to...Kid is already questioning his role and..."

"You. Outside. Now." Alana said to Jason before turning to Sonny, "You. Go get Mikey up and make him breakfast."

"Yes Ma'am." Sonny said, heading up the stairs.

* * *

"You awake?" Emma mumbled after the others stopped staring at them, her head still on Clay's shoulder.

"No." Clay mumbled, still half asleep.

"Do you guys sleep when you are deployed? Whenever Dad comes home he usually is at work or asleep for a week after coming home...but this time with everything that has happened..."

"Safe here." Clay said, snuggling against Emma before he woke up enough to realize what he was doing then froze.

"Relax, you are fine, Mikey does that all the time." Emma said as she put her arms around his neck and whispering in his ear, "You're my Brother Clay, and family sticks together." Emma felt Clay nod and hug her tighter before she sat up, "You want to help me make breakfast before Sonny and Mikey destroy the kitchen?"

Clay nodded and stood up, lifting Emma and setting her down next to him, "Pancakes...or uh...pancakes?" He asked.

"Chocolate chip pancakes." Emma smiled, "They are Dad's favorite."

* * *

When Jason and Alana walked back into the kitchen they found Sonny and Mikey setting the table as Clay and Emma danced around in the kitchen making a stack of pancakes big enough to feed their whole team. Chocolate sauce and syrup already on the table and the kitchen near spotless despite who was cooking and 90's boy bands playing from Emma's phone.

Jason smiled and leaned against the doorway, "I love my family." He told Alana as he put his arm around her neck.

"Your family loves you too. Chocolate chip pancakes are not for me." Alana smiled back at him.

"Your pancakes are over here Mom!" Emma smiled as her parents walked in as Sonny and Clay belted out the chorus for Bye, Bye, _Bye_ , Mikey on the air guitar standing on one of the kitchen chairs.

"What's everyone's plan today?" Alana asked as she turned down the music as everyone took their places around the table. Jason, Emma, Clay, Sonny and Sonny.

"Dad, can we go to paintball?" Mikey asked, "We can have two teams." He said looking around, "Me, you and Mom and Emma, Sonny and Clay."

"What do you think boys?" Alana asked, "Think you can compete with me and Mikey?"


	8. Chapter 8

As Jason drove home from their day of paintball and pizza Alana looked into the backseat and smiled, "Jace, I think we are pretty damn lucky." She said quietly, not wanting to wake Mikey who was sleeping against her, but also not wanting to wake Sonny, Emma and Clay who were all asleep in the backseat. Clay in the middle and the pillow for the other two, his arm around Emma as his head rested on top of Sonny's.

"You really think so?" Jason asked, looking at his family in the rear-view mirror.

"When you first told me you were going to be a SEAL I was terrified... and that fear has not gone away...but now, knowing you have these guys who you can and actually do talk to...this is the first time in our entire married life that I feel like I can breathe again."

"Alana..."

"Hear me out..." She pleaded. Jason nodded, "When something happens I know that the kids will have people who will help them make it through."

"I'm not going to die." Jason told her, feeling the sting in his eyes.

"All I am saying is I don't have to worry about the kids anymore." She said as she reached her hand up to squeeze Jason's shoulder. "I will never stop worrying about you."

"I'm taking a detour." Jason said, staying on the highway instead of taking the exit to their house.

"For us or for your boys?" Alana asked.

"For me." Jason answered, looking over at Alana.

"Where?" She asked him, seeing the tears in his eyes.

"Cemetery." He managed.

"You sure?" She asked him, rubbing her thumb on his arm.

"No."

"Okay." She said, leaning back and taking a deep breath. They hadn't been to the cemetery since Nate was buried and she knew that despite what her husband had said, losing Nate was the worst thing he had been through in his entire life...she also knew his personality was all or nothing and if he was going for the emotional break and recovery he had to break all the way. After a couple of minutes she asked him, "You want to give your boys a heads up?"

"Sonny has been there with the guys a few times and Clay didn't know him." Jason said.

"Been where?" Sonny asked, opening his eyes but not lifting his head from Clay's shoulder.

"Cemetery." Alana answered for him.

"Nate?" Sonny asked.

"Yes." Jason told him, eyes connecting through the mirror.

"Got you Jace." Clay mumbled as he opened his eyes, feeling both Emma and Sonny tense up next to him he put his arm against Sonny's leg and tapped his fist gently on his knee a couple times until he felt Sonny nod in his shoulder, Clay wordlessly telling his Brother that he had his back too as he hugged his arm a little tighter around Emma.

Jason could feel the eyes on him as he turned into the cemetery, pulling to a stop a few feet from where Nate was laid to rest. He saw Clay shrug his shoulder making Emma lift her head and as she looked out the window her eyes filled with tears, "Are we here because of what I said yesterday?"

"I should have done this a long time ago." Jason answered, turning off his truck and opening his door. Alana undid her seat belt and opened the door so that Sonny, Clay and Emma could get out and follow her husband.

As the Jason walked down the small hill to where Nate was buried the other three hung back a few steps. They watched as he stood over the gravestone, saying something but not loud enough for anyone to hear. "Mom what are they doing?" Mikey asked, breaking Alana from her thoughts as she watched the three watch Jason.

"Your Dad is talking to Uncle Nate."

"Is he talking to him like he did at the funeral or how they used to talk when they were working on Dad's car?"

"Baby you know that Uncle Nate is.."

"He died...I know that, Geez Mom."

"When did my Babies grow up?"

"Is Dad okay?"

"I think he will be."

"Because of Clay and Sonny?"

"Your Dad has been brave for a really long time and..."

"He has been different since he got back this time."

"Do you want to go out there with them?"

"Not yet." Mikey told his mom, "If I am there Dad will try and protect me and he needs this I think."

"Why do you think that Baby?"

"I saw him crying on the couch...when I went in to get my tablet. Emma and Clay were talking to him and..." He answered, seeing the look on her face, "Sonny was holding him after he punched the wall."

* * *

"I need you...Dammit Nate...I was right next to you and I couldn't do anything..." Jason yelled at the headstone before sinking to his knees.

Clay was behind him in an instant, putting his hands on Jason's shoulders, holding him steady, "Dad?" Emma asked, coming around in front of her father, "Nate loved you."

"I should have saved him." Jason said as he rocked back into Clay's legs.

"We couldn't Jace...none of us...we couldn't do anything...Nate was gone as soon as he was hit." Sonny said getting into Jason's face before Emma put her arm around his waist to calm him down.

"I miss him." Jason said, looking up at Sonny with tears in his eyes, "I miss my Brother."

"What do you think Nate would say to you right now?" Emma asked, crouching down and putting her knees over her Dads and holding each of his arms with her hands.

"He would...uh...he..."

"He would have been in your face a long time ago." Emma told him, "Would have made you talk about it...at least with him. You talked to Uncle Nate about everything...that is what you miss. When Nate died you lost your best friend and as much as you want to stay strong our be tough or man up or whatever closed off crap you have been doing it isn't working and you don't have to protect us...you make us strong and you also made us stubborn."

"I think you get that from your Mom." Jason smiled, looking up at his not so little girl.

"I get it from both of you so deal with it. You miss Nate. Say it."

"I miss him." Jason mumbled, shifting his gaze from Emma to Sonny.

"Who do you miss Jace?" Clay urged as he squeezed the man's shoulders.

"I miss Nate. Fucking pain in my ass and I...I can't fucking breathe since he left." He said, his voice cracking as Clay pulled him backwards into a hug.

"Lean into the hurt. Don't fight it." Emma told him, coming around to his side as he leaned into Clay as Sonny sat down on the other side.

As she watched her father stare up to the sky before closing his eyes she saw Clay nod and a few seconds later tears were falling from his eyes. Clay held Jason's back into his chest in almost a choke hold and leaned his head against Jason's. "Got you Jace. We will keep you safe." Clay whispered.

Not even a minute later Jason let out a gutteral moan as he allowed his grief to take over, his weight completely reliant on Clay holding him steady. Sonny silently wiping his eyes as he gripped a hand on Jason's calf.

* * *

"Dad is crying again." Mikey said, "And so is Sonny."

"I know Buddy."

"He lets Clay hold him and Clay holds him how Dad holds us...and Dad didn't freak out when he saw Clay holding Emma."

"I think your Dad showed Clay how he held you guys." Alana told him.

"After he got out of the hospital when he didn't come home?"

"Yeah Buddy, him and Sonny stayed with Clay."

"Dad has never done that for any of his guys before."

"He used to with Nate before he met Molly...but that was a long time ago."

"Emma trusts Clay."

"She does."

"More than Sonny or Uncle Ray or Brock or Trent."

"Why do you say that?"

"Emma doesn't cry in front of people usually and she ummm...when you guys were doing the dishes she..."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"I was going to go hug her but then Clay did and he hugged her like Dad and I dunno...she had Clay so she didn't need her little brother and then I saw Dad coming in so I went upstairs." He shrugged.

"When you saw them in the living room...how come you didn't say anything then?"

"Clay was there so I knew they would be okay."

"Sounds like you trust Clay too." Alana said, looking out the window watching her husband melt into the young man as Sonny and Emma took up the flank.

"Are Clay and Sonny going to spend the night again?"

"Do you want them to?"

"Yes."

"Do you want to go over there with them?" Alana asked, wanting to go over there and hold her husband herself.

"Soon, Dad isn't ready yet."

* * *

As the moans turned to whimpers Clay did not relax his hold on Jason and he felt Emma holding him, rubbing his back as he held her Dad. Sonny was facing him, still gripping Jason's outstretched leg, tears threatening to pour from his eyes at any second as he watched the strongest man he had ever met break.

"Hey Cowboy." Alana said as she walked over, sitting down next to Sonny and leaning into him as she took Jason's hand.

Mikey climbing around and sitting on Jason's lap, "I miss Uncle Nate but I think he is protecting us all from Heaven."

As Jason weakly pulled his son into his chest he let out a moan as a fresh wave of tears fell from his closed eyes. With Clay now holding both Jason and Mikey, Emma moved so that she was helping to hold Clay, sitting behind him. "Got you." Emma mumbled into Clay's ear as she laid her head on the back of his shoulder.

When the sun started to dip behind the hills Alana spoke up, "Think we should get you all home."

"Come here Little Buddy, I got you." Sonny said as he picked up Mikey, more for his sake than Mikey but the young one snuggled into him the same way he had when he was younger and the two often gravitated towards each other when they were together.

Clay stood up, lifting Jason in the process and holding him steady for a few seconds before Jason nodded. Seeing him waiver on his feet Clay tucked his arm around the man's waist and led him back to the truck. Emma crawling in the front to sit between her parents, from the backseat Clay helped wrap the seat belt around her Dad with her taking the buckle and hooking it all without releasing his touch on Jason.

With Clay's arm wrapped around her husband and her daughter holding his hand and leaning into his side Alana started the short drive home, Jason was asleep before they were even out the cemetery gates. When she pulled into the driveway Emma unbuckled her dad's seat belt and Alana came around and opened the door as Clay made sure he didn't slide out before once again hooking the man's waist and leading him into the house. Alana was amazed at the trust level Jason had in Clay and smiled, it reminded her so much of how Jason and Nate were when they were fresh out of BUD/S. When Clay started leading him to the couch she stopped him, "Put him in bed please."

"You sure?" Sonny asked, coming in behind and carrying Mikey up the stairs towards his bedroom.

"Yeah. I will sleep in Emma's room." She said pointing down the hall.

* * *

"Sonny what happened that Dad is like this?" Mikey asked when Sonny set him down on his bed.

"A lot Bud...when you are a little older I will tell you more, but for now...Nate was right next to us when he died and we couldn't save him...and when Steve and Echo Team was killed we were here and they were there so we couldn't save them...and when we were there your Dad, Clay and Trent were in a helecopter crash and they were very lucky to be able to come home."

"Something happened with the crash that made Dad and Clay closer...cuz he isn't the same with Trent and they have known each other forever."

"Clay saved your Dad...Trent and a couple other guys too...but you are right, he is different with Clay."

"You are too. You act like Clay is your little brother or something...kinda like how you take care of me."

"Cuz we are a family." Sonny said, feeling the tears in his eyes.

"Sonny, how come that makes you sad?" Mikey said as he leaned into Sonny's shoulder.

"I'm not sad Buddy...I am happy."

"Do you want to play a game with me or should you go downstairs with Dad?"

"I think I'm going to go down...but if it isn't too late I will come back up here for a round before you go to bed."

"Can you tell Clay thank you?"

"For what?" Sonny asked, looking up to see Alana in the doorway.

"For loving us."

"Sure thing Buddy." Sonny said leaning over and kissing Mikey on the top of the head.

"I love you too...we don't usually say it but since...I just wanted to make sure you know." Mikey smiled.

"Love you too Little Buddy." Sonny said, hugging the boy before standing up and walking out the door.

Alana put her hand on his arm and squeezed, "He's right. We don't usually say it."

"Don't need to." Sonny said, pulling her into a hug.

"This is new to me." She said into Sonny's chest.

"Us too." Sonny mumbled.

"Go. Make sure Emma sleeps at some point tonight."

* * *

When Sonny walked into the bedroom he saw Clay holding Jason the same way that Jason had held Clay at his apartment and he froze in the doorway when he noticed that Emma was once again curled up on Clay, "Comin in or what Sonny?" Jason mumbled.

"Wouldn't have taken you for a snuggler Boss." Sonny smiled as he sat down on the bed.

"Only with my family Brother." Jason said, reaching his arm out and Sonny laid back sideways on the bed, head on Jason's chest.

"How you doing Sonny?" He heard Clay ask, "Know going there was hard on you too Brother."

When Sonny felt Emma's hand on his cheek he crumbled and the tears began to fall from his eyes, Emma's touch on his cheek, its sweeping motion kept him calm as the tears fell he was relaxed, but emotionally spent. "We all miss Nate...well except Clay but that is only because Clay never got to know him." She said, "And I really think that Clay was a gift from Nate...someone who could step in and keep you all safe and not just physically safe but your hearts safe too."

"What do you know about keeping our hearts safe?" Jason asked his daughter.

"I know how much time you and Nate spent not working on that stupid car of yours...I know you told him about you and Mom before anyone else...I know that he knew things about me that only you could have told him." Emma smiled sadly, "Nate kept your heart safe...and now Clay does the same thing." Wrapping her arm around Clay and leaning her head against his shoulder she continued, "Clay always thinks that you think he is a replacement for Nate...but that isn't how it is. Clay is another part of our family. You guys have Bravo and that is a family but that isn't the family I am talking about...Clay is more like a big brother for us than a brother for you so that is why you are different with him...you treat him like you do me and Mikey."

"You think so?" Jason asked.

"I know so. And before you go trying to tell me I am wrong just look at how Clay is holding you...Mom said you held him like that and that is why he knew to hold me like that last night and you wouldn't do that with anyone else...even with Sonny his head is on your chest...it is different."

"She's right Jace." Sonny said, "Both of us...I wouldn't let anyone else sleep in my bed but I didn't even question it when he needed..."

"Guys I am right here." Clay said, fighting the tears in his eyes torn between the idea of finally having a loving family and questioning his role on Bravo.

"You think we don't know that Pretty Boy?" Sonny said, "You are my pain in the ass little Brother and Emma is right...and what Mikey said upstairs is right...'

"What did Mikey say?" Jason asked.

"Said I take care of you like I do him...and he told me to tell you thank you."

"Thank me for what?" Clay asked.

"For loving us...his exact words." Sonny said, turning his head so he could see Clay. "Kid you and I are alike...no real family to speak of...and Mikey is right when he says we don't say the words often but I think that is because we didn't hear them when we were coming up...had to look out for ourselves."

"You gonna say the words Cowboy or just talk about saying them?" Emma giggled as she hugged Clay a little tighter. "I for one love all of you weirdos."

* * *

"Mom you can come in here you don't have to stand in the doorway waiting for permission." Mikey rolled his eyes as he played his video game.

"You are growing up."

"That is kinda how it works Mom...it would suck if I stayed a baby forever."

"I don't know about that." Alana smiled as she walked in, "I think I got more snuggle time when you were a baby."

"And more crying and dirty diapers." Mikey said with a face, "Uncle Ray's baby pukes all over too."

"Baby, if something were to happen to me or your Dad who would you talk to?"

"Sonny." Mikey said, "Why?"

"It is a Momma's job to make sure her family is taken care of."

"I would talk to Emma too I guess." He said pausing his game. "If something happened to you I don't think Dad could handle it."

"Nothing is going to happen to me."

"If something happened to Dad would we move away like Molly and Landon did?"

"No. This is our home. Me and your Dad both grew up around here. Molly moved to be close to where she grew up."

"Are you worried that Emma is too close to Clay? Cuz she looks at him like she looks at me...not like she does with the boys that her and Hannah are always giggling about."

"How does she look at you?"

"Like she loves me and thinks I am gross at the same time...same as how I look at her."

* * *

"You should go up to your bed and get some sleep tonight." Clay whispered to Emma a few minutes after Jason fell asleep, "He is going to be fine."

"Not going anywhere." She said, wiggling around so she was laying down on the bed wedged between Sonny and Clay with her head laying against Clay's hip.

"Kid is right." Sonny said rolling over to face Emma.

"If you and Clay go home then I will sleep in my room. Until Dad is okay and I know he is okay and I know you two are okay I am not freaking going anywhere so don't ask again."

"Not sure which parent you got your attitude from." Sonny laughed quietly, "You aren't the sassy little girl who used to run around with that goofy purple bear anymore."

"You got me that Bear." Emma smiled, "And I still have her."

"Doubt she will go to college with you next year." Sonny told her with a smirk.

"She will." She promised.

"Is that so?" Sonny challenged back.

"I'm scared." Emma whispered, and Clay felt her tighten her hold around his waist.

"Of what?" Sonny asked her.

"Losing him." Emma said as she wiped a tear from her eye.

"We will do everything we can to make sure nothing happens to him." Clay promised, putting his arm around her shoulder and holding her arm.

"I don't just mean dying...I mean this...all of it...if he gets hurt or something and has to...not have you guys anymore...you are his family."

"Emma..." Clay said, his voice breaking, he knew that fear...he saw it when his own father left the teams. He knew exactly what she was talking about and hated that it was so real.

"That isn't..." Sonny started before Clay interrupted.

"It is." When Emma looked up at him and saw the tear sliding down her cheek she moved around so that she was holding Clay.

"That how you lost your Dad?" Emma asked, "I mean...I know he is alive but..."

Clay nodded and pulled his arm out from where he was holding Jason and Sonny slipped his arm in so that Jason would stay asleep, "Got this." Sonny said nodding at the two before Emma pulled Clay up and they walked out of the bedroom.

"Take him upstairs and make him sleep." Sonny heard Alana tell Emma before she made her way into the bedroom. "How you doing Sonny?" Sonny took a deep breath and shrugged. "You move wakes up, right?" Sonny nodded. "Then you just listen to me. Can you do that?"

"Yes Ma'am." Sonny answered, looking up at Alana as she sat down next to him on the bed.

"Jason is my best friend, my world. My rock. But I have had a feeling in the pit of my stomach for a while now that something is going to happen...and I am scared..."

"Alana..."

"Please...just listen." Sonny nodded, "The thing is...the thing is...I don't know if it is going to be something happening to him...or to me." When Sonny went to say something she held up her hand. "When something happens...I need you to promise me that you will make sure the kids are okay."

"You know I will be here for Emma and Mikey." Sonny told her.

"Promise me Sonny."

"I promise." Sonny told her.

"Ray and Jason have whatever going on but I know Ray will have Jason's back...but I need to know my kids are good."

"I would tell you not to worry but..." Sonny said with a sad smile, "I have known Jason since I was in green team and he is my family. Two of you...and your kids... you are my family."

"Try and get some sleep." Alana said, standing up and flipping a blanket over Sonny before walking around and putting one over Jason.

"I can take the couch." Sonny told her, moving to sit up.

"No. I'm going to stay up with Mikey."

"Clay and Emma?"

"She has him."

"And you aren't...?"

"Mikey said she looks at him like she loves him and is gross at the same time." Alana smirked, "Kid may as well be one of ours."

* * *

As Emma pushed Clay up the stairs she noticed his hesitation, "You trust me, right?" She asked him and he looked up at her with tears in his eyes and nodded, "So do _our_ parents. Come on."

Emma flipped the comforter back on her bed before pushing him down on her bed. "What was your Dad like when you were little?" She asked as she walked over to her desk where she picked up a purple teddy bear.

"I don't know what memories are real and what I want them to be."

"When he was around...did he love you?"

"I worshiped him. Followed him around...he liked to show me off. But I only really saw him for a couple weeks every summer and around the holidays...my mom...her and my dad weren't together..."

Emma tossed the purple bear to Clay, "Sonny got me this...from the hospital gift shop...Dad got injured...stabbed or shot or something...I don't know but Sonny took me down to the gift shop when me and Mom got to the hospital so she could go in there...Sonny got it and told me that anytime I got scared just to hug the bear and I would know everything was going to be okay...Sonny he uh...he took care of me when Dad was in the hospital the first few days...they wouldn't let me see him and even though the rest of the guys were in with my mom and Dad...Sonny would take me to watch cartoons in the family room."

"Why are you telling me this?" Clay asked, holding the bear in both hands as it sat on his chest.

"Because that was when Sonny became part of our family. He was always different from the rest of the guys...Ray, Adam and Steve were my Uncles but they stuck together...Sonny was their little brother...it was different. And you...Dad sees you like he see's me and Mikey..."

"I'm not..."

"Shut up and listen." Emma said sitting down on her bed next to Clay, "Whatever your bio fam is...that isn't the family that matters. The family that matters is the family that you can turn to when you are scared...who will tell you that everything is going to be okay even if it isn't because no matter what they will be there...Okay?" Emma asked, "Clay...whatever happens...we are family...when you lost Brian..."

"Fuck." Clay mumbled as he squeezed his eyes with his thumb and pointer finger.

"No." Emma said, pulling his hand down away from his face. "I've got you." She said quietly, "You hear me Clay? Look at me." When his eyes met hers she went on, "I've got you." When Clay nodded Emma pulled him into her arms, "I'll always have your back, you hear me?"

"Got you too." He mumbled into her shoulder.

"Always." Emma smiled into his ear.

"Obviously." Clay smiled back with a sniffle before the two started laughing.

"Which one is your favorite?" Emma asked.

"Prisoner of Azkaban." He told her.

"Good. Mine too." She said, reaching over to grab her remote, turning on the tv and starting that exact movie. "Watch with me?" Laying shoulder to shoulder with the well loved purple bear between them the two fell asleep before Harry even had a chance to blow up his Aunt Marge.

* * *

"Where is everyone else?" Jason asked, waking up and looking around and only seeing Sonny.

"Alana said she was bunking with Mikey and she told Emma to make Spencer get some sleep."

"My wife told my daughter to go to bed with the Kid?" Jason asked standing up and looking at Sonny like he was crazy.

As Sonny followed Jason up the stairs he held back a laugh, when the two walked into Emma's room they found them asleep, shoulder to shoulder, each with a hand holding the old purple bear as a Harry Potter movie played on her tv. "Come on Brother, let the kids sleep." Sonny smirked. Jason glared before walking out into the hall and Sonny pulled the door closed behind them.

"What are you worried about?" Sonny smirked.

"Kids were with us."

"Kids?"

"Since when do I have to repeat myself?"

"You see that purple bear?"

"Yeah. What about it?"

"When you almost died...when Alana came to the hospital after our flight back...I took Emma down to the gift shop and she picked out that stupid thing and I told her that if she got scared she could hug it and it would make everything better..."

"She used to drag that thing everywhere with her...would freak out when she couldn't find it before going to bed...I can thank you for that?" Jason smiled.

"For her to share that with Clay..."

"There is almost the same age difference between the Kid and her and there is between her and Mikey."

"We are a family Jace...You, me, Sonny and Clay, Emma and Mikey. We are a family." Alana said walking out of Mikey's room. "You made us family." She told him, "And our kids are asleep so can we go downstairs and have some coffee?"

"You told Emma to bring Clay upstairs to her room?"

"Where they fell asleep watching Harry Potter. Yes."

"You would have never done that with any of my..."

"Before Clay none of them were young enough to be our kids." Alana smiled sadly, "It has been a while since Bravo had any new guys."

"He isn't that much younger."

"Jason you were twenty-five when Clay was born."

"How the Hell do you know that?"

"Drink your coffee." Alana said as she handed Jason a mug with a smirk on her face, "You never were a morning person."


	9. Chapter 9

"Why do you care if me and Sonny are okay?" Clay asked as he turned onto his side to face Emma, "You don't have to be a part of this but you are choosing..."

"Dad being okay is dependent on you and Sonny...and the rest of Bravo but mostly you two...Ray looks out for Dad but it isn't the same."

"How can I make sure you are okay?" He asked as he picked up the purple bear.

"Talk to me. Text. Insta. Snap. Just check in. Come over and hang out." She said reaching over and putting her hand on his arm.

"But why do you care?" Clay asked her, allowing himself once again to be vulnerable.

"No idea." Emma smirked, but seeing the insecurity in Clay she moved up on the bed and tugged his arm until he leaned into her, "You really don't see it...everyone else around you does...but still you don't...Clay, you see people's heart...you don't see age or rank or race or whatever...you see their heart. In the kitchen...when you hugged me it was the same way Dad does...and that is only something you would know if he held you like that...and if he held you like that it meant that you were like me and Mikey to him...so basically my big brother and I know your family was different but for me...family protects one another...and I know that as my big brother you are going to do everything you can to protect me...and since I can't like go around beating people up who are mean to you or whatever I can help protect your heart so that that part of you won't ever change."

"If something happens to one of us I don't want you to worry or blame yourself." Clay said quietly.

"If you think I haven't been worrying since the day I met your cocky ass you are crazy."

"You hardly knew me before we got back from this deployment."

"Once you are Bravo you are Bravo for life and your Team is your family... didn't anyone tell you that?"

"May have heard that once or twice."

"Should start listening." Emma smirked. "What is your insta handle? Or snap?" She said reaching over and grabbing her phone from her side table.

* * *

"Where are Emma and Clay?" Mikey asked, walking into the kitchen interrupting whatever conversation his parents and Sonny were having.

"Bed." Alana answered.

"What are we doing today?"

"Something you want to do?" Jason asked, handing his son a plate with an omelet on it.

"Work on the car?" Mikey asked.

"Definitely!" Jason grinned. "You in Sonny?"

"MmmmHmmm" Sonny nodded, his mouth full of food.

"Can you make sure they eat?" Jason asked, "Don't care what they do today but the Kid needs to eat."

"You are more concerned about Clay than Emma?" Alana asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes. We've had eighteen years with her and she has your attitude." Jason smirked. "I've barely had the Kid a year."

"That so?" Alana smirked back.

"Emma for sure has an attitude." Mikey said before taking a bite.

"Before you go work on the car can you put on an old shirt at least? You just got that one a week ago." Alana asked as she tried not to laugh.

"Its just grease Mom."

"Change your shirt or you can go grocery shopping with me."

"Hmph." Mikey mumbled as he put his empty plate in the kitchen sink.

"Tell them breakfast is ready when you are up there." Jason yelled as he walked over to the stairs.

* * *

When Mikey got upstairs he stood outside of his sisters door, watching through the crack, "Why did you decide to become a SEAL? I mean the hours are awful and the pay isn't that great compared to...I dunno...something businessy." his sister asked Clay.

"That is what my Dad always told me what I was going to do so it was just..."

"You speak a bunch of languages."

"Yeah...when Dad would tell me where he was I would look up how to say different things...started when I was like six or seven..."

"Does he speak them too?"

"No. I mean...enough of the phrases to do his job but that's it...I wanted to be able to talk to people...help them."

"How old were you when you stopped seeing him as your Hero and started seeing him as human?"

"Around the same age Mikey is now."

"What changed?"

"Spin up went sideways...lost half his team. He came back different. Saw us as a burden instead of a family...which is how it was until I made the teams...now all of a sudden he cares again...but he doesn't really...not like a dad is suppose to...he cares enough to help promote himself."

"Where is your Mom now?"

"Not sure...after Ash left...things got fucked up real fast and my mom sent me to live with my grandparents...they are in California now."

"Did you get to see them when you went with Adam to tell Brian's family he died?"

"How do you know about that?"

"Hannah is my best friend...between the two of us we can usually put together where you guys go."

"Jace know that?"

"Never mentions it if he does." Emma said, putting her hand on Clay's shoulder and squeezing it, "Was it hard for you to find out that Brian's family wasn't who he said they were...and the two of you were more similar that you thought?" Clay shrugged and took a deep shaky breath. "They don't ever talk about Brian do they?" Clay shook his head and closed his eyes. "Have you cried for him?"

Clay rolled onto his back and looked up at her with tears in his eyes, "Other than my freak out after the crash..." Emma cocked an eyebrow at him, "No." He admitted, blinking his eyes and allowing two tears to slide down.

Emma caught one with her thumb, "Got you Clay. You are safe here." She told promised him and the damn broke and she pulled him up and held him the same way that he had held her and Jason had held him...the way family does. When Emma looked up she saw Mikey stick his head in her room and he made a sign that food was downstairs and Emma waved him off before turning her attention back to Clay. "I've got you."

* * *

"Who is Brian?" Mikey asked walking back in the kitchen with a shirt that was covered in grass stains.

Seeing Sonny and Jason look to each other at lightning speed Alana asked, "Training accident?"

Jason nodded, "Why?" he asked his son.

"Emma was asking him about his family and after he said his grandparents lived in California she asked about Brian."

"How the Hell does she know about...?" Sonny started to ask.

"That is what Clay asked before he started crying. Emma said that her and Hannah hear things from you and Adam and can..."

"Got it." Jason said sliding his plate across the table, being caught only by Sonny's quick reflexes.

"I think he is fine. Emma waved me away." Mikey said with a shrug, "Can we go work on the car now?"

"Yes. You can go work on the car." Alana answered. When Jason went to argue she crossed her arms and tipped her head to the garage door. As Jason walked out with Mikey he tipped his head to Sonny giving him the silent order to check on Clay himself and Alana rolled her eyes.

"If the Kid is actually talking to her do not interrupt." Alana told Sonny.

"What?" Sonny asked.

"You forget I have known Jason since he was sixteen." Alana told him. "If Clay is talking to Emma about Brian I am assuming he has not talked to any of you about him...so whatever she said..."

"She's got him." Sonny finished. "You okay with that?"

"You are asking now? You were the one who said she was fine to stay."

"Did you know about her and Hannah?"

"Did I know they spent their time tracking your movements...no...and no I don't like it but clearly nothing I do can protect them from this..."

* * *

"Clay?" Emma asked as his head rest on her thigh.

"Yeah?" He asked, barely loud enough to make a sound.

"When was the last time you were held?"

"The night before I went to Illinois."

"Who held you?"

"My Grandma."

"And you were my age?"

"Yeah." He said, of course a Navy Brat would know where boot camp was and she connected the dots before he even finished his sentence, "Was the last time she remembered who I was."

* * *

When Alana finally let Sonny go upstairs, it was her who led the way but she quickly held him back when she heard her daughter talking, "Let me get this straight then" Emma said, "Your Dad was a dick who only cares about himself...your Mom struggled after her dick of a husband abandoned her, making her a single mom...then she sent you to her parents where she knew you would be loved and taken care of until you went to boot camp and when you came home from the hardest eight weeks of your life instead of coming home to the grandparents you left you came home to your Grandma not knowing who you were then you had to leave for your first deployment then leaving again for BUD/S then I am guessing another deployment and then Green Team...and until you met Stella you never had a girlfriend for more than a night and even though you care about her you are scared to let her in because you haven't had anyone since you were eighteen...I get all that right?"

"Pretty much." Clay mumbled.

"Why didn't your Grandma remember you?"

"Car accident. Grandpa was driving. She remembers _Clay_ is her grandson but when she sees me..."

"She doesn't recognize you." Emma finished, "When did it happen?"

"Night before I flew home." Clay told her.

"Have you told anyone?" Emma asked and Alana turned to look at Sonny before pushing him into Mikey's room.

"You know any of that?" She asked Sonny.

"No." He said, his voice thick with emotion.

"Your story and his..."

"I heard it Alana." He said as he quickly wiped his eyes.

"Jason should know."

"Peter Pan should be the one to tell him...not me."

"When you go down to work on the car you think he isn't going to notice your eyes are bloodshot and your mood has entirely shifted? Just tell him Emma got him to talk and his history has a lot of the same things as yours...you don't have to go into detail." Alana said pulling Sonny into a hug.

"I'm sorry I told her she was fine to stay...wasn't my place."

"Go down with the boys. These two are fine...though I don't know how they aren't sick of Harry Potter yet, it has been playing non-stop since last night."

"You aren't worried about her taking this on?"

"My daughter got a Tier One Operator to spill his guts and continues to ask him very personal questions...if it was too much for her she wouldn't keep pushing." Alana smiled.

"She is just a kid."

"She is going to be college in a year. You guys were in boot camp when you were her age...as much as I want her to be, she isn't my baby anymore."

"But she still has that purple bear." Sonny said with a sad smile.

"You noticed that too? Her and Clay fell asleep holding it last night."

* * *

"Kid okay?" Jason asked as soon as Sonny entered the garage, not looking up until he didn't get an answer from Sonny. Pulling his head out from the engine he looked at Sonny and was back to protective mode in under a second.

"He's fine Boss Man." Sonny said, "Think Emma has found her calling as a shrink. Kid's story...might as well be mine."

"Was raised by his grandparents after Ash left?" Jason questioned.

"All was good until he went to boot camp...doubt the rest is in his file." Sonny said, "Still fighting with the carburetor?"

"Still has a rough start and chunky idle." Jason said. "Would just buy a new one but they are hard to find."

* * *

Before Alana left for the store she gathered up some snacks to bring up to Emma and Clay. Not knocking she just went into her daughters room and set the stuff down on the end up the bed. "You didn't have to do this...I should probably..." Clay started.

"You are good." Alana smiled, "Like it when my family spends time together. And talks."

Clay sat back and nodded, "Mom can you get stuff to make Ketchup Tacos for dinner?"

With a smile and a nod she told them, "Boys are working on that stupid car again. Mikey heard you guys talking earlier...I told them to leave you alone." She said walking over and kissing her daughter's forehead, "Proud of you." Looking over at Clay before leaning further over and doing the same thing to him, "Both of you." she said before walking out of the room and closing the door behind her.

"Now... favorite Harry Potter character and why?" Emma smiled.

"Book or movie?" Clay asked.

"Either."

"Lupin." Clay answered.

"Would it have made a difference for book or movie?"

"No."

"Why Lupin?" Emma asked, "I mean I get it...he is basically you but most people don't even think of him as a main character."

"Who is yours?"

"Molly."

* * *

As the time went by the team slowly started to find their new normal, new routine. Checking in with each other more than they did before the deployment but it became enough to just know who was there if they needed something. Bravo's first few simulations without Ray were rocky to say the least but they were slowly figuring it out. Clay also noticed a change in how he was with Stella...and that changed scared him.

They were always busy, never had time to themselves to just be. He never had time to just be...to relax...every moment was scheduled out. He knew it was because the crash scared her, but she knew he was a SEAL when they met so he wasn't sure what to do about it. As much as he had talked to Bravo...and Emma about what it was like, he couldn't talk like that with Stella without her freaking out.

Sitting in his cage waiting for their next simulation orders Clay pulled out his phone. "We always do her things..." Clay snapped with a photo of himself with puppy ears.

"So plan something for you." Emma responded with a halo and wings.

"I don't even know what I would want to do." He sent only text.

"Movie marathon?" he got with a lightning bolt emoji.

"She's not into that."

"Do you do anything with her other than sex or jogging?"

"Eat."

"Sirius-ly?"

"If I am not with Bravo I am usually in bed."

"You have a boring fucking life."

"Thanks." Clay typed before taking a photo of himself with harry potter glasses and devil horns.

"How is Sonny?" She asked.

"Went to the club again last night."

"By himself?"

"We had a game night."

"What are you doing tonight?"

"Simulation."

"That why Dad is bouncing all over the place earlier?"

"Blackburn has no reason to keep us grounded."

"Scares me."

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."

"How you are dating someone who doesn't like Harry Potter is beyond me."

"That is a quote from JFK."

"And from Lupin...which is a more likely source coming from you."

"Bite me."

"You sure you aren't Mikey's age?"

"Love you too."

"Obviously."

"Always."

* * *

"Who you talking to Pretty Boy?" Sonny asked Clay, "You have a shit eating grin on your face and it disgusts me."

"Who do you think I am talking to?" Clay snapped back, pocketing his phone. "When do we start this?"

"We are still missing our number two Pretty Boy, don't forget you are only keeping his seat warm until his shoulder is healed."

"Until his shoulder is healed or until Jason is done being mad at him?" Trent asked.

"Same difference. Seat warm."

"Not replacing anyone Cowboy, no need to get your panties in a twist." Clay smirked, he knew that Sonny cared about him, respected him...and Jason had warned him that the longer they were home the worse Sonny would ride him...but it still stung.

"Let's go Boys!" Jason said walking in with Blackburn. "Phones stay in the cages."

* * *

As the team sat on the plane Clay was between Sonny and Jason, "How is your head?" Clay asked Jason.

"Heads fine."

"Gonna keep asking...doc told me to." Clay told him, "This is the first jump since..."

"Know what it is Kid." Jason said, "Thanks for lookin out."

"Think you are the only one he hasn't snapped at for questioning him." Sonny mumbled.

"Heard that Sonny."

"And?"

"I'm worried too." Jason admitted, "But way more excited!" He said breaking into a giant grin.

"Jump in five. Gas up." Blackburn said, walking over to Jason.

"Kid already asked. Feel fine." Jason told him and Erik smiled at Clay before turning and walking back to his seat.

When the light flashed all of Bravo had shit eating grins on their faces as they stood up and got in line and one by one jumped from the plane. The rush was exhilarating and they fell in formation until one by one they began pulling their chutes. Clay waiting to pull his until he saw Jason pull his. Because he was the last to pull his he was the first to land in the shallow water, though only by moments.

"That worried Kid?" Jason asked him after he unhooked from his chute. Seeing Clay shrug, "Head feels tight but I am good." Jason told him, "Doc said to expect that."

"Was there." Clay reminded him.

"You good?"

"I'm good."

Seeing the others walk over Jason smiled at Clay, "You'll be taking us to Target."

"Roger that." Clay said, business mode.

"Don't get us lost Blondie." Sonny smiled as they set out.

* * *

Erik watched as Bravo checked every box off in the simulation, he had never seen a team run through as flawlessly as they were and as he stood at the line he struggled to keep a straight face. He was so proud of how far Jason and the boys have come in the last six months and he knew they were ready. He was hoping that Jason and Ray would have figured out whatever their thing was, but knew that would take time and the more time Ray spent working with Adam the closer Ray got to being able to have his own team.

"Every one of you pencil pushers better be checking off that perfect box." Jason yelled as they switched on the lights.

"Yeah, We'll debrief when we get back to the base." Erik told them, smile breaking through.

"Come on, Backburn. Come on, at least tell us how we did." Clay yelled out.

Erik looked around at the guys, a quick glance at the brass before walking towards Jason and the boys, "You crushed it!"

"We're back! So back!" Jason smiled as his team congratulated each other on their walk to the bus to head back to the base.

The team quickly quieted down as they took their seats on the bus, realizing that now that they were cleared they were going to getting spun up and what that would mean for their families. Even Sonny was quiet and everyone knew that he craved the missions.

When Jason felt Clay reach his arm around the seat to put his hand on his shoulder he put his hand over it and held it the short drive back to base. The move didn't go unnoticed by the team, or Blackburn and he quickly saw why Ray was still out. Jason still needed Clay and wasn't ready to be challenged quite yet.

The debrief went by quickly and Bravo was home not long after midnight.

* * *

'Dad is happy this morning.' Emma text Clay, as he got out of the shower.

'We're back.' Clay responded.

'He good?'

'Seemed to be.'

"You talking to the boys or Emma?" Stella asked Clay when he walked out of the bathroom holding his phone.

"Emma."

"Jason tell her you guys are back on?"

"Didn't have to."

"Are you guys really that excited?"

"To be done with paintball and be able to do our jobs again? Yeah." Clay told her as he pulled on a pair of briefs.

"How long until you get spun up again?"

"Could be anytime."

"Like today?"

"Anytime." Clay said, getting frustrated.

"So should I cancel our dinner with Polly and Chris?" Stella asked.

"Not going to argue about this."

"I am allowed to be frustrated."

"Obviously." Clay monotoned.

"Should I cancel?"

"I don't know. I am going to base." Clay said as he threw on a shirt and shoved on his boots without lacing them up.

* * *

"Get up." Lisa yelled at Sonny as she walked into the strip club to find Sonny passed out on the side of the stage. When she got the call she wasn't surprised that he was there. The owners are friends of his and it was his go to place, just hurt that instead of calling her or talking to Clay or Jason he went there. "Now."

"Davis." Sonny chuckled as he opened his eyes.

"You know you must be some kind of VIP if the strip club has your emergency contact info."

"Oh trust me. It ain't cheap."

"I thought the idea was that the strippers take of their clothes." Lisa smirked as Sonny slowly stood up.

"I'm what you call an innovator."

"Yeah? You keep up the partying you are going to be what we call unemployed."

"Oh yeah? All in all the time doesn't just apply to trigger pullin."

"Listen to me. I know the down time gets you stir crazy but you've been pushing the red harder than usual lately."

"And all without my right-hand woman." Sonny said looking at Lisa, "Still don't understand why you grounded yourself. Somethin' you want to tell me?"

"Yeah. That you are about one g-string shy of an intervention." She smirked as she picked up a dollar from the stage, "Let's go magic Mike."

When they were in the car Lisa looked over at Sonny and put her hand on his leg, "You know I am here right?"

"I know." Sonny said without looking at her.

"You are not Danny." Lisa said, looking over at him at a red light and seeing the tears in his eyes.

"Shouldn't be here Davis. You and I both know it."

"And yet you are so don't waste your life." She said, holding tight on his arm until they were parked on the base, "I mean it Sonny, I am here."

"It's been six months since the crash and Danny dying. Everyone else has found their normal and I am stuck spinning my tires." He said before quickly getting out of the car and rushing in, not daring to wait for her because he knew if he did he would break down.


	10. Chapter 10

"Sonny has landed. The War on Terror continues, boys." Sonny said as he walked into the cages.

"Dude, you reek." Trent commented as he walked past.

"That is the aroma of champions, okay? Two parts whiskey, one part Brittany's cheap perfume." Sonny said turning around and plastering a fake smile to his face.

"You ever take a night off, Sonny?" Clay asked, and Sonny hated to see the actual look of concern on the kids face and knowing that if he were to actually talk he would become a blubbering mess.

"Well, some of us like more action than Crock-Potting and Parcheesi with a Lady Professor."

"What was with last night? You running back to help Jason with that pilot?" Clay asked, pushing Sonny, he knew his brother and knew that as bad as he was hurting he would never just come out and say it.

"Jason's our team leader and he called it in."

"Look, that door was an open threat, man. You know, some mudsucker could've got the drop on us." Trent and Brock quickly saw that Clay was trying to push Sonny the same way Sonny had pushed him and stayed quiet.

"All right, listen, wonder boy, we're playing paintball, not hunting Talimonsters. And because you seem to have forgot that Jason got his bell rung not too far back, maybe I was a little reactive."

"Jason's squared away, okay? Not trusting that is gonna lead to mistakes."

"I do trust that. I don't take kindly, though, - to lectures before breakfast."

"Okay. Just trying to tell you, man. It just could've been, you know, a little cleaner, that's all."

"Oh, I agree. Bravo hasn't fired on all cylinders since we lost our number two." Sonny realizing what Clay was trying to do decided to hit below the belt, regretting it almost immediately.

"All right, who wants to get in the ring with me and throw hands?" Ray said walking in and looking between Sonny and Clay having overheard their conversation.

"You ready to turn those show muscles into go muscles?" Sonny asked walking over and wrapping Ray in a hug.

"Shoulder's 100% Man. Which I can't say for your breath, Sonny. Damn. Training cycle got you crawling the walls again?" Ray looked over towards Clay and nodded, a simple thanks. Ray knew that the kid was good, really good...and had taken on a lot of shit by taking his seat while he had been rehabbing. Knew that the number two spot was only temporary. Ray also knew that as much as Jason had pushed him to get the hours to lead his own team, he was training Clay to be his replacement.

"You know it. The whole world's on fire, and we're sitting around here playing capture the flag." Sonny answered.

"Hey, Ray, when you coming back?" Lisa asked, walking into Bravo's room.

"Ball's not in my court." Ray quickly told her.

"Hey, Ray." Jason said walking in to where his team was waiting.

"Jason."

"How are the wife and kids?" Jason asked, already knowing the answer.

"Um, little man took his first steps the other day." Ray answered, playing along with the charade, they had just had drinks the night before.

"That's great. Special time. You know what? Good that you're around."

"Yeah. Say, uh, look, Jace, I wanted to talk to you about, um" Ray started but was quickly interrupted by a series of dings and pings as Bravo was called up.

"Well, looky, looky. It is about damn time." Sonny sighed.

"All right, bro. Got to go. All right, let's go." Jason smiled to his team as he ushered them out. "Come on. Hey, Sonny. Stay there. Wash up. You smell." He said to Sonny while looking directly at Ray. Got it. Loud and clear. Help Sonny while the rest load up their gear.

"Roger that." Sonny said before being left alone with Ray. "You my babysitter?" Sonny asked as he grabbed his gear and was followed by Ray to the shower.

"You wouldn't talk to Davis. Wouldn't talk to the Kid. You need to talk to someone." Ray told him.

"How do you know about Davis?"

"Club called me. I was at the docs. Called her to get your ass then called Jason."

"Didn't want to go home last night is all."

"Jace said the simulation went perfectly."

"It did aside from the part that the Kid called me out on."

"You think Bravo is ready to be back in the field."

"Yes."

"You think Clay is ready at number two?"

"I don't like it."

"Is he ready?"

"Yes."

"Smart ass is just doing his job...questioning all of you to make sure you are all ready...he has always gotten under your skin...same for Jace... was hoping to be back for this but..."

"He wants to prove his point."

"Something like that."

"You were together last night."

"Got drinks, yeah."

"What was with the show?"

"Jason trying to assert control."

"That is stupid."

"Go into your debrief. I am headed over to Green Team." Ray said, agreeing it was stupid but understanding why he was doing what he was doing.

"Miss you Brother."

"You see me almost every day. Go." Ray said, pushing Sonny out the door.

* * *

After the debrief Sonny was the only one who didn't need to leave, who didn't have any loose ends to tie up and he just sat in his hammock waiting for everyone to get back. Which all did about ten minutes before they needed to board the plane. After take off they had a quick debrief before Blackburn told everyone to get some rest.

Already antsy with the new addition to Bravo...a step up from a strap but not quite a tier one guy. Sonny stood watch to see where he rested and when the man laid back on the straps he took a breath...that was until Clay walked up to him, "Hey, Sonny, what you, uh what you said about the team not firing on all cylinders, you really think that Bravo runs better with Ray as number two?"

Why all the insecurity still? The Kid was damn good at what he did and they have told him so enough it should have gotten through by now. "Listen, Clay," He said using his actual name, "I'd kick a hornets' nest with you any day, any time. But don't you forget you are just keeping Ray's seat warm until he gets back. You understand?" Sonny told him, it was nothing Clay didn't know...they have all said it a thousand times.

"Sure." Clay mumbled.

"Dammit Kid." Sonny said as Clay started to walk off, quickly nodding to where they set up their hammocks up on their last flight home. Clay grabbed his and silently followed him over, hooking his hammock next to Sonny's.

"You going to talk to me now or just be a dick?" Clay asked as he sat down on his hammock, "I know you aren't okay."

"I should be dead." Sonny said, surprising them both.

"Excuse me?"

"I shouldn't be here." Sonny repeated. "Been six months since we lost Danny...since we almost lost you guys."

"Need you Sonny." Clay said. "Told you I've got you."

"Didn't want to interupt Stella's schedule." Sonny snapped and when Clay glared at him he sat down on his hammock and looked at the man who had become a brother to him, "Need you too Kid...just miss Ray is all."

"And Danny and Nate..." Clay said.

"Something like that."

"Family sticks together, right?"

"Just with Jason and Ray it just...it itches."

"Emma said that they have gotten together every night this week, fight like brothers love like brothers."

"Emma said that?"

"Talked to her this morning." Clay said, "She is worried about us."

"Why?"

"We have been home longer than Jason has ever been home as long as she has been alive."

"She think we are ready?" Sonny asked, surprised at himself that the opinion of a high school student mattered as much to him as it did.

"Wants us to check in everyday."

"This is just a quick spin up."

"If she had her way she would put trackers on all of us." Clay smirked.

"You talk to her that much?"

"Check in."

"Jason know?"

"Yeah. Emma talks to him about us."

"All of us?"

"Know she has talked about you and Ray. Jason has said things that I said to her and the only way he would know was if..."

"She said them to him." Sonny finished.

"Need you guys to rest up." Jason said walking over and setting a crate on the floor between the two hammocks and sitting down. "You tell Emma you were leaving?"

"Yes." Clay answered, "Why?"

"Instead of my be safe text I got a talk to Clay text."

"Not me you should be worried about." Clay said looking over at Sonny.

"I've known Sonny long enough to know he will be fine once we have a job to do." Jason said, "And he has you to watch out for him."

"I am fine. Just ready for normal again." Clay told Jason. "You going to rest at all?"

"Someone's gotta keep watch." Jason answered.

"Yeah...the pilot." Clay smirked. "Go get your hammock."

After having a face off with Clay, Jason went and did a loop around the plane checking on everyone else before grabbing his hammock and hooking it up on the other side of Clay's. "Happy now?" Jason mumbled as he leaned back, head mere inches from Clay and Sonny's, all of their hammocks latched on the same hook.

* * *

"You see them?" Lisa asked Erik as he sat down next to her on the straps.

"I do."

"Clay told him to get his hammock and Jace actually listened."

"We make the right call giving them this mission?"

"Yeah. Just more anxious than normal."

"You should rest up."

"So should you."

"You really think they are ready for this?"

"Only one way to find out. Lay down and get some rest. Got a long flight."

"You going to take your own advice?"

"Want to do some reading...then yes." Lisa smiled at the Commander, "Get some rest, I've got first watch."

* * *

Once they were on the boats headed for the oil rig Jason had Clay go with the new guy, Summer, and he kept close to Sonny. It was easy to see that Clay was right, that he wasn't the one to worry about and Sonny was. Scared of sharks, anxious not having Ray...Jason had never seen Sonny as antsy as he was and he was worried about how this mission was going to go. None of them could stand losing another member of their team, not to death or to injury. Failure was not an option.

When they got word that the storm had changed and they were now chasing daylight they all felt the air get a little thinner. When Summer told them the explosives were all individually wired it thinned even further. No ISR and broad daylight they were sitting ducks. When Summer gave word that they had control and he saw the hostage shut down the platform Jason breathed for what felt like the first time all morning. Until he heard Davis tell them they could no longer see the platform.

As they were rushing the group of hostages down to the exfil point through a stream of bullets it felt like they were fighting a losing battle. When Jason heard Clay's screams to move as the RPG's flew in his direction Jason felt like he was going to be sick. "Bravo two? How copy?" Jason asked, terrified of the silence and feeling Sonny at his side radiating anxious energy did not help.

"Bravo One, Bravo Two, Good copy." Clay said, and the team was able to breathe. Until Clay looked around and saw that he had no way down without going through the fire. "Bravo One, This is Bravo Two...I gotta problem up here. Stairways cutoff...yeah, I uhhh...I'm gonna have to meet you at the bottom." He said and Jason and Sonny's eyes darted up trying to get a view of Clay.

As Clay tried not to panic he ran up to the crane hoping that he could drop the line and slide down but seeing the bolt on the door he went to the edge instead. Jumping was the only option and he did not hesitate. "What the hell is he doing?" Sonny mumbled as he saw Clay climb the rail. Top of the Oil Platform... into the ocean. Leaning over and watching as he fell, breaking the water and watching as the bubbles rose the team held their breath waiting for Clay to emerge. They couldn't lose him. Not like that.

Seeing his head break the waters surface with a giant grin Jason called down, "Bravo Two, you good?"

"Texas judge scores you a six point three." Sonny yelled.

"Interesting form." Jason smiled watching as the boat pulled up and they pulled him from the water. "Lets go home." Jason said to Sonny as they led everyone down to the boats.

Seeing the frozen smile on Clay's face Jason was worried, "Look him over." He ordered Trent.

"Nothings broke." Clay told them.

"Want you X-Rayed when we get back." Trent said after poking and prodding him all over and shrugging that nothing seemed to be out of place.

"Will do." Clay said. Once they were away from the oil platform the team visibly relaxed. For Clay that meant his body coming down from the adrenaline and as hard as he fought it the more tired he became.

Seeing the change in demeanor Sonny looked at Jason who nodded and Sonny moved behind Clay pulling the kid back into him. "Did good today Pretty Boy." Sonny said as he held Clay's head into his shoulder and the hot wind dried him off.

"Didn't have another way out." Clay mumbled.

"I know Blondie, I know." Sonny assured him as he felt Clay relax into him as he quickly fell asleep.

"He good?" Jason asked Trent as the two watched Sonny hold the now sleeping SEAL.

"He will be sore from the jump but I don't think anything is broken."

* * *

As the boats pulled into the port an hour later Sonny pushed Clay forward, "Need you to wake up enough to get off the boat Sleeping Beauty."

"Just full of the nicknames today aren't you Sonny." Clay mumbled, groaning as he leaned forward.

"Something hurt?" Trent asked, seeing the face he was making.

"If I say everything are you going to freak out?" Clay asked as he climbed off the boat.

Trent stayed back with the rest of Bravo to help sort the hostages and appease Blackburn with the AAR as Jason and Sonny climbed onto the cart with Clay to take him to the med tent. A half hour later Clay had been x-rayed head to toe and cleared by the Doc and they took him back to the plane for the long flight home.

By the time the rest of the team made it back to the plane Jason was standing in the opening, "Do not wake him up." He ordered as he nodded towards where Clay was asleep laying down on the straps, Sonny sitting next to him.

"Not sleeping." Clay mumbled.

"You should be." Sonny mumbled back.

"I am fine." Clay said sitting up.

As the team took their spots around the cargo hold Jason passed around beers from the cooler and Sonny stuck close by Clay. "Great job of keeping our asses out of the fire, boss." Sonny told Jason after the man handed him his beer.

"Game on for a minute." Jason acknowledged.

"Yep."

"Yeah, but we handled it, didn't we?" Sonny and Clay didn't know who he was trying to convince, them or himself.

"Mm-hmm."

"Same as we always do."

"Yeah, it's just been a while since we operated with bullets flying, and without Ray is all." Sonny said, as much as he loved Clay he needed Ray back with them. Everything just felt wrong when they were separated.

"You got some concerns there, Sonny?"

"Well, with pinup girl here as number two, who wouldn't?" Sonny smirked at Clay.

"That's right, pinup girl number two." Jason said hitting Clay in the arm and smiling...something was definitely off with Jason.

"I'd follow you anywhere. And I'm happy we're back."

"Right, we're back."

"We're back."

"Watch it." Jason said as he took a pretend jab at Sonny before walking over towards Summer. Jason knew what Sonny wanted to say and he didn't want to hear it.

"Someone want to tell me what the hell that was all about?" Erik asked walking over towards Sonny and Clay just leaned his head back and stared up at the ceiling, letting Sonny take over the line of questioning.

"We almost lost Blondie and he is freaking out." Sonny told their Commander.

"And Cowboy here thinks we need Ray back and keeps bringing it up." Clay said, taking the last swig of beer from his bottle.

"Got a long flight home Boys. Why don't you get settled in." Erik said, cocking an eyebrow at Sonny before walking over to corner Jason.

"Why are your panties in a twist?" Sonny asked moving over to stand in front of Clay.

"Gee I don't know Sonny...maybe because you keep bringing up Ray every five seconds." Clay snapped back before putting his head in his hands.

"If Ray would have been here you would have been with me instead of on top of that damn oilplat." Sonny told him sitting down next to him. "Much as I miss Ray...I can't lose you."

"And you say you aren't emotional." Clay laughed, looking over with tears in his eyes.

"Come here Pretty Boy." Sonny said leaning around and reaching his arm out, Clay quickly leaning into him and closing his eyes. "Can't lose you Blondie." Sonny mumbled as he pulled his hat down over his eyes and draping an arm loosely over his Brother as the two quickly fell asleep.

"They are sleeping. They are safe. Now you can either sit down right here and talk to me or I will give you something to make you sleep." Erik said, poking Jason in the chest and pushing him down on the straps across from there the two were sleeping.

Jason glared at him before looking around and seeing the two of them were the last with their eyes open and relented. "Almost lost him today. Can't lose him. Really can't lose him." He said, sounding manic.

"You all made it back. Doc said he is going to be sore but didn't get hurt. One hell of a jump from what I heard."

"Just be glad you didn't have to watch it." Jason said, yawning as he sat down next to Erik.

"How long have you known me Jason."

"Why?"

"Do you trust me."

"You know I do."

"Then trust me enough to relax."

"You using Mandy's words now?" Jason smirked.

"May have asked her how she puts up with you."

"I am fine Erik."

"About as fine as the Sonny and The Kid." Erik deadpanned.

"Just cant lose anyone else." Jason told Erik as he laid down across the straps, head nearly touching his commanders leg.

"Get some sleep." Erik told him, smirking when Jason did what he told him to before closing his own eyes only to wake up a short while later with Lisa draping a blanket over him.

"Go back to sleep. Just a little cold is all." She said.

"You get in you go."

"Will mean saying goodbye to these guys."

"Will make sure you end up with the teams."

"You know you can't promise that."

"I know that you are already read in on who is on the teams. There are very few people in this country who have that kind of access. You get in. You go."

"Go back to sleep." Lisa said with a sad smile. "Will wake y'all up a couple hours before we land for debrief."

* * *

Clay, Sonny and Lisa all left together. Lisa promising to take them home, not to the bar, and despite some protests that is what they did. Jason satisfied watching the GPS tracker for each of his men before walking into his house. Finding Alana asleep on the couch he loudly dropped his keys on the table. "Didn't mean to wake you up. It's just, this is kind of my bed now, the couch." He said as she looked up at him.

"Oh, Hey." She said, sitting up and stretching.

"Hey." Jason echoed.

"How'd everything go?"

"Great. Everyone's safe. Everyone's good."

"Good. How do you feel?"

"Good, you know? I'm back in the field. Exactly where I belong." Jason tried to convince her.

"Yeah... Chasing a high somewhere else in the world."

"Mm-hmm." Jason said, not sure how to respond and not wanting to fight.

"I..I got to go to bed."

Sighing, "You know, Alana, I think I found a place. My own place. It's close, so it's not like I'm not gonna be around when you need me, or if you need me for the kids. I'm always here for the kids."

"You're operating again, so it's not like you're around anyway." Alana snapped.

"What do you want from me? Look, I'm I'm trying to do everything here."

"What I want...what I want you can't give. I'm okay with that now. I am...I guess what I really want is for you not to die. 'Cause we have kids and they love you." She told him, fighting the tears in her eyes.

"I'm not gonna die." Jason said, feeling the tears in his own.

"I don't believe you." She said as she quickly turned and walked down the hall towards the bedroom.

"Alana..." Jason called after her.

"I love you but I can't do this right now." She quietly told him before shutting the bedroom door behind her.

Feeling the vibration in his pocket he pulled out his phone, 'How you doing Brother?' Ray asked him.

'Alana just...I'm not gonna die.'

'Want me to come over?'

'Nah. Going to get some sleep. Just...fuck.'

'Glad you guys made it home safe.'

'Almost lost the Kid. Double the tower jump.'

'Kid is good.'

'Cant lose him.'

'How is Sonny?'

'Pissed that you aren't 2. Davis brought him and the Kid home.'

'They attached again?'

'Trent said it was a good idea just in case.'

'Need anything, just call.'

'Thanks Brother.' Jason typed before checking the locations one more time for Bravo before setting his phone down on the table and laying down on the couch.

* * *

"You still think Jace is okay?" Sonny asked as him, Lisa and Clay lay down on Clay's bed.

"No." Lisa and Clay answered at the same time.

"He was more freaked out than I was." Clay said, closing his eyes and he felt Sonny's arm move so it was against his.

"You guys all made it back and that is all that matters." Lisa tried to tell them.

"Yeah and back to having slumber parties in the Kids bed because we are too scared to be alone." Sonny mumbled.

"Right here Sonny." Clay said as he moved, pulling Sonny's arm so it was now his pillow as his back was against his hip.

"Watching the damn bubbles and ripples in the ocean waiting for you to come up..."

"Kinda glad we didn't have the drone overhead for that." Lisa said as she rolled into Sonny's side.

"I am sore and tired but I am fine." Clay said, feeling the tears fall from his eyes as he tried to push back the fear that he did almost die only a few hours before.

Sonny feeling a tear drip down onto his arm he held Clay just a little bit tighter, "Got you Little Buddy." Sonny mumbled, voice thick with emotion.

When Clay didn't respond Lisa had a feeling she knew why and reached her arm over Sonny and held onto Clay's shoulder. "You are safe now." She said, "Both of you."


	11. Chapter 11

"I am going to go into work this morning. You can take Emma to the college tour." Alana said, waking Jason up before promptly turning on her heals and going back into the bedroom to get ready for the day.

Pulling out his phone he checked the location of all the members of his team, Clay and Sonny were still at Clay's, Ray and Lisa were at the base, Trent and Brock still at home. Shooting a quick text to Ray, 'Taking Emma on a college tour. Make the Kid take it easy today.'

'Kid and Sonny were still in bed according to Davis.'

'She stay all night?'

'Sounds like it.'

'You with her now?'

'She went for a run.'

'Call me if they need anything.' He said before turning to google to figure out how to make the stupid coffee maker work.

"Look at that fresh coffee, huh? Got the machine to work and all." Jason said twenty minutes later when Alana walked into the kitchen.

"Congratulations, you can take it to your new place."

"Someone's mad at me." Jason dared.

"No." Alana said, wanting to say more but stopping when she saw their daughter of all of their arguments over the years they had never argued in front of their kids.

"Morning. We've gotta get moving, Mom." Emma said bouncing into the kitchen.

"Uh, honey, a broker's open and something came up. Your Dad's taking you." Alana told their daughter who got an instant look of classic teenage horror.

"Wow. Last time I saw you that excited was when we got you a singing bear for Christmas." Jason smirked, he wasn't looking forward to a college tour anymore than Emma wanted him there but at least he would get to spend time with his little girl.

"That was Elmo, not a bear."

"If it's not a bear, what is it?"

"Dad, the tour starts at 8:00, and I won't allow your desire to suddenly understand Elmo's genus make me late for my first college tour."

"Huh." Jason smirked, recognizing his wife in his daughter.

"Can you pour me one, too?"

"Look at you, high octane, when did you start drinking coffee?"

"Since I had to leave for a college tour at the butt crack of dawn...Coffee."

"What about please? Please pour me a cup of coffee. Does that not work in your vocabulary anymore?" Jason asked before turning back to the coffee maker, "Coffee, coming up."

Once the two had their coffees in hand they left for the twenty minute drive to the school. Jason followed Emma around, amazed at how much she was like her mother, talking to everyone and looking totally at home surrounded by a bunch of strangers. Hell, he was on a college campus and every movement his head would swivel. "Dad would you just relax?" Emma asked him, walking up and hooking her arm in his like she had done a million times when she was younger.

"When did you grow up?" He asked her.

"I love you too." Emma smiled at him before kissing his cheek and bouncing off again.

As Jason counted the stairs, closets and emergency exits in each building his daughter never stopped smiling. 'Beat anyone up yet?' Clay text him, breaking him from his thoughts.

'She hasn't stopped smiling. Take it easy today.'

'I'm fine.'

'Sonny and Davis stayed with you last night.'

'Family sticks together...right?'

'Sure does Kid.'

'Emma likes having you there.'

'How do you know that?'

'She told me.' Clay said, making Jason grin. 'Sonny and I are hitting the gym. Don't worry I am just doing the bike today.'

'Thanks Kid.'

"You talking to Clay?" Emma asked, coming back over, "We need to take a picture for my story."

"Yes and what story?" Jason asked, stopping to smile at her camera as she took at least fifteen different shots.

"Instagram." Emma smiled, "And Clay said he was still pretty sore from the jump but that he is fine and he was going to do the bike today while Sonny and Ray lifted."

"How is it that you know more about what happens with my men than I do?"

"What do you mean?" Emma asked, "And I didn't see your chute bag..."

"Not that kind of jump...and you know we aren't suppose to talk about what we do when we..."

"Clay just told me he had a hard jump but was okay...I made him promise to check in...and the way he was talking I knew something happened..."

"Not in trouble. Just surprised is all. You never used to care about the guys."

"That isn't true...Hannah and I always would listen around a corner or pick up another phone or something...since we were little...and every time you guys would go...we would...but then when he got hurt and had to stay here...she still asked questions and would tell me what she heard..."

"Why didn't you ever say anything?"

"It was all you and mom ever got in fights about...I just didn't want...I wanted our time together to be happy."

* * *

"Is that Davis?" Sonny asked Ray and Clay, "Davis! Hey, Davis! Davis!"

"Headphones, bro." Ray smirked, looking over at Clay who was trying not to laugh.

"Oh, yeah. It's just so strange, you know. She's not really a morning person." Sonny said as he got up from the weight bench. "So what you get your FRAN time down to? 5:40?"

"Shoulder's strong as hell. 5:45..." Ray told Sonny, "Say what you're trying to say, Sonny, save us the time." Seeing Clay roll his eyes he knew exactly what Sonny was getting on about.

"Well you know, I was in Jason's ear. Bravo machine, it's missing a gear."

"I appreciate it, brother, but with Jason, it's about more than the shoulder."

"Come on, Ray, we've all played hurt, all right? You remember that, uh, convoy take down outside Kabul? Well, the night before, I sprained my wrist punching a tree."

"Okay, Sonny, why'd you punch a tree?" Ray asked, trying not to laugh.

"I got twisted up on that green raisin moonshine that the locals make, you know, and I swear, there was this tree that was kind of looking at me strange. You know, so we got into it, and I knocked that sucker right out of his roots. My point being, is that I didn't tell a damn soul that I hurt my wrist."

"Well, man or tree, no one's gonna eyeball you, Sonny." Ray told him...before switching gears, "Look, man, I...Thanks for having my back, but all of you start going at Jason, taking my side, he'll just double down."

"It's not about sides, Ray. It's about getting the wolf pack back together."

"Brother, you know you're gonna have to wrap your head around something. I may not be back. Give 'em hell, yeah?" He said before walking off, ending the conversation.

"What the fuck is that about?" Clay asked, "Why wouldn't he be back?"

"Bullshit. Fucking bullshit. Jason isn't actually even mad at him...the two talk all the damn time."

"So then what is he talking about?"

"Maybe Adam is trying to get him to stay?"

"Doubt it. Adam wants to go back out." Clay told Sonny before he started pedaling again.

"You hanging around here all day?"

"Going to meet Stella for lunch."

"Sure you are up for it?"

"Haven't exactly spent any time with her since we got back."

"Jason know that you wont be here."

"I don't tell him every detail of my day." Clay rolled his eyes.

"You've just been on your phone a lot today is all and I know the lady professor has morning classes soooo..."

"Emma and Jason are on a college tour."

"How's that going?" Sonny asked and Clay held out his phone so he could see one of the photos Emma had sent him. "He doing okay today?"

"She says his head is on a swivel and wants to know what the hell happened when we were gone."

* * *

"I kind of love it here." Emma bounced back over, seeing her Dad try to brush off another dad.

"Is this a safety school for you? Safety? I should know what that is, right?" Jason asked his smiling daughter, he loved that the school was close to home and that he would still be able to see her when he wasn't deployed.

"It means it's a lock that I'll get in here."

"Okay. All right, yeah."

"It's nice. I like it."

"You know what, hey, I support any choice you make. All right? Just, you know, you end up at a frat party, I may have to gather up the boys and crack some skulls, you understand?" When Emma started laughing Jason went on, "I'm not joking."

"Never thought you were. Clay said the same thing." As Jason's phone rang Emma and Jason both felt their hearts drop. "Work?"

"Yup, work."

"Remind me not to pick a career that can turn my life upside down at any moment and screw up my kid's day." Emma teased.

"Right." Jason said feeling horrible.

Seeing the change in her Dad she quickly told him, "It's fine. I'll come back with Mom to see the rest of the school."

"Okay."

"I mean it Dad...its fine." Emma said putting her hand into her fathers and squeezing it. "Doesn't mean I have to like you leaving again though."

"You know I love you...right?" Jason asked once they were back in his truck.

"Yes Daddy." Emma smiled, "Can we at least grab some tacos before you drop me off?"

* * *

"Davis, saw you working out early. It's a little out of the ordinary."

"What's out of the ordinary is that you weren't tied up with a bunch of strippers when we got paged."

"Strippers." Jason smirked, he loved that Davis had the guts to stand up to the boys.

"Ooh!" The team collectively laughed.

"Hey, don't be judgy, Davis." Sonny laughed, "Okay, nothing wrong with bunches of strippers."

"Okay, the swarm seems best." Clay chimed in.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, excuse me there, Mr. GQ, no, no, no, you do not get to comment, okay? Stella pulled you out of that pool, buddy." Jason smirked.

"Really not loving the new nickname there." Clay smiled.

"You're not feeling it? Tell you what, why don't you pick your own, then?" Jason dared him.

"No, it's bad luck to pick your own nickname. I learned that from my good buddy - Footlong." Sonny laughed, "God rest his exaggerating soul."

"Footlong." Jason laughed.

"Bus is waiting Boys." Erik yelled over the laughing and the team quickly shuffled out of their cages, climbing onto the bus...then the plane silently, a stark contrast to the laughter that was coming from them only a short while before. "All right, listen up. Hope you packed your Ambiens, gonna be a long flight." Erik told the team.

"Where we headed?" Jason asked.

"Saudi Arabia." Erik answered. "Three hours ago, Shia extremists took hold of the Qanat of Shaqra. Qanats are ancient tunnel systems that access underground water sources. This particular qanat is at the heart of the largest water source in Saudi Arabia. They intend to release anthrax into the water if their demands are not met within 24 hours."

"What are their demands?"

"Does it matter? They're not getting met. So, the Saudis have asked for our help on this. Anthrax is a self-replicating bacterium. Released into that aquifer, no water there ever again. God knows how many it would just plain kill. Nothing can go wrong here." He said looking around at Bravo. He had no doubt that Bravo was the best, most qualified team when their heads were in the game, but they were still getting their bearings and he knew this would be a rough mission.

As the team gathered around the makeshift table Erik continued, "Our counterparts in Saudi intelligence believe that the extremists are camped out here, the mother well it's the main source of the water."

"How many extremists?"

"Could be up to 20. Not really sure."

"What are we clear on?"

"What we do know is that this modern access tunnel leads directly to their encampment, but the extremists have collapsed the entrance right behind them."

"Well, why don't we help them on their way, blow the damn thing up, call it early and hit a happy hour?" Sonny asked, knowing full well that was not a real option.

"That's great, but the loss of infrastructure would cripple the region for decades."

"There's no way we could clear the rubble?"

"No, not without alerting them to our presence."

"Can't risk it."

"That's way too risky."

"Tell you what, why don't we come at 'em from a different direction, right? There's a vertical access shaft here on the other side of the mother well. I say we rappel in and we roll in quiet. Hit 'em here. That shaft has not been active in 200 years, so it's unlikely these guys even know about it. And there's gonna be anthrax canisters they're gonna be holding onto down there, too. We don't want to be hitting those." Jason and Clay spoke, finishing each others sentences and talking as if they were one person.

"So, based on some ancient maps, we're gonna be jumping into an old hole filled with bad guys, booby traps, and poisonous bacteria." Clay reiterated as Jason looked at him, proud that the Kid had echoed his own thoughts and overall plan.

"And spiders. 100% there'll be spiders there. Them freaky desert kind that haven't seen people since Jesus's time."

"Okay?"

"What the hell is this, Goonies?"

"Yeah, yeah, it's Goonies." Erik smiled.

"This is all solid rock?"

"Yeah. Hundreds of meters, every direction."

"All right, well, comms aren't gonna work then."

"Oh, okay, so what's the solution there?" Jason asked Clay.

"Line-of-sight relays. You know, we just position some men at intervals and that way we can ensure the execution-checklist items are communicated back to Havoc." Clay answered, knowing that Erik and Davis and had already thought of that.

"Yeah, we're good?" Jason asked.

"We're good." Erik answered. "All right, let's get some shut-eye. Riyadh in six hours."

Once Clay was comfortable Jason walked over and sat down by him, "Good catch with the comms, kid."

"Uh, just doing my best."

"How's Stella?"

"She good?"

"Yeah? Supposed to, uh, supposed to meet her parents this weekend."

"Oh-ho, meet the parents. I bet you're hoping this spin up lasts longer than expected."

"Yeah, man. Dude, Stella's freaking stressed out. Starting to think that her parents maybe aren't real happy with her choice, a team guy."

"Yeah? Tell you what, Stella's opinion is the only one that matters. Okay?" Jason told him, "My advice to you is, uh, just-just be you. Keep it simple. That's it. It'll be enough." Even as he said it he knew it may not be enough...but if it wasn't enough it was better to find out sooner than later.

"Thanks." Clay said sarcastically.

"Get some sleep, will you?" Jason told him, knowing he was going to rely heavily on him for this mission and worried about where his head was.

"You need to sleep too Jace."

"You going to get my brain to shut off?"

"Emma really did have fun with you today." Clay told him.

"Yeah?" Jason asked, leaning his head back and looking up at the ceiling.

"Yeah, she said she doesn't get much alone time with you and that she was jealous we get to spend so much time together."

Jason told him, "Like that you look out for her but I don't know why she is jealous."

"I am jealous of her." Clay told him, turning his head to see what Jason's reaction would be.

Without skipping a beat and reaching over to squeeze Clay's shoulder he said, "You are family."

"Having a family is nice." Clay told him, letting the vulnerability ring loud.

Jason left his hand to linger longer than he would with anyone else as Clay pulled his hat down over his eyes and relaxed back. Once he knew the Kid was relaxed he squeezed his shoulder three times before letting go and walking over towards Erik who had watched the whole interaction.

* * *

"What's up, Davis? Dodged my question earlier. What was with the early workout routine?"

"What's with you creeping on my workout schedule?"

"I wasn't creeping. All right? You jogged into my line of sight. I've just never known you as a morning person." Sonny said as he arranged his things to make his nest. Picking up his boot his eyes went wide, "What in the hell?" Knowing exactly who was behind the small stones in his boot he went over and yelled, "Kairos. Kairos!" to the newest tag-along to Bravo.

"Hmm?" Summer asked, lifting his hat off his eyes and trying not to laugh.

"You try to put some sort of bewitchment in my boot?"

"I wouldn't do that, man. That type of crystal forms in natural charcoal layers. It's an odor eater. Your boots are a little odorous."

"It's true, man." Clay laughed, "The freaking smell of those things make me want to suck start a pistol."

"I will push you down the stairs and blame it on the dog. You understand me? Keep your hippie bullshit to yourself." Sonny said as he dumped the pebbles onto Summer's chest.

"Don't get Cerberus mixed up in this now...the dog is innocent." Brock smirked as Cerb let out a quick bark in agreement.

* * *

As the team walked through the cave they all thought it was kind of cool, being in a place very few alive had ever been...that was until Cerberus sat down and started to whine. "Hold up. Kairos, what's he got?" Jason asked. As Summer looked at the wiring, then relaying the information to Havoc Jason decided to keep moving. "Leaving EOD here. Moving forward." They knew from where they were to the exit was safe and guarded so there was no reason not to keep going.

Hearing whispering it wasn't long before there was a firefight and as Bravo Team took up defensive positions the team was split into two...and then the wall between caved in and Clay could see one of the Saudi soldiers dead, half under the pile of rubble and his mind went to the worst with both Jason and Sonny on the other side.

"Bravo 1, this is Havoc. Radio check, over." Clay heard over the radio.

After getting no response from Jason, Clay responded, "Havoc, this is Bravo 2."

"Read you loud and clear, 2. Give me a sitrep."

"We're down one Saudi counterpart. Bravo 1, Bravo 3, and Bravo 5 are on the other side of a tunnel collapse. Their status is unknown. We got zero comms with the rest of the team." Clay told him as he struggled to remain focused as they started to dig out the tunnel...silently praying that the other half of their team was alive and able to finish the mission.

A couple minutes later Clay heard Erik over the coms, "Bravo 2, our Saudi counterparts are requesting that you exfil immediately."

"Havoc Base, Havoc Base, say again your last?" Clay asked, not believing that Erik would ever ask them to leave half of their team.

"Saudi command is unwilling to risk the poisoning of the aquifer. Need a status report, immediately. They're gonna bomb it."

"Thermobaric, for sure. Bomb like that will turn every bit of oxygen down here into heat as hot as the sun. It'll boil the water, vaporize everything, including us." Summer told Clay as they were working to dig out the collapse.

"Keep working." Clay told his guys before speaking into the coms, "Yeah. Havoc, this is Bravo 2. Myself, the rest of Bravo, we're gonna sit tight. Go ahead and Charlie Mike. Any chance you can send us down some shovels and pickaxes?"

"Bravo 2, you got five minutes - till your final comm window." Clay heard before choosing to ignore whatever they had to say as he crawled his way, throwing rocks out behind him as he tried to tunnel through.

"Damn. I thought you guys could use some help." Jason's counterpart from Alpha Team said as he reached them with the tools.

"Well, you thought right."

"Havoc this is Bravo 2. I need at least three more mikes. We're making some headway here."

"Negative, Bravo 2. You don't have any more time."

"Oh. Hey. Hey! Hey, you guys, shut off your lights." Clay yelled as he saw the water start to glow.

Digging with more urgency Clay spoke once again into the comms. "Havoc, this is Bravo 2. They are alive, they're sending us a signal over here with some chem lights underneath this cave-in. We're gonna proceed with the dig."

"Copy that, Bravo 2." Erik said, taking the time to breathe...until he heard the planes were in the air. "Bravo 2, give me a sitrep."

"Give me a minute, Blackburn, all right? We're trying to hurry."

"Bravo 2, you got a minute left. You're taking this down to the wire."

"Got a big piece here. I got this." Clay said as he pulled a rock out and immediately heard Cerberus on the other side barking like crazy. "Jace!" Clay called out again.

"Bravo 2. Bravo 2. Jackpot. We're good." Clay heard Jason say through the rocks as the man pushed the dog out of the way so he could put his own eyes on the kid.

"Jackpot, jackpot, jackpot. Havoc, this is 1. I pass jackpot. I say again, pass jackpot. Mission complete."

"Copy that, Bravo 1. Head to exfil." Erik said, relief evident in his voice.

Cerberus was the first through the rocks before the men started passing their gear and the anthrax canisters through before squeezing themselves through one by one. Jason being the last one through and pulling Clay into a hug as Clay helped pull him through. "Lets go home Kid." Jason told Clay as he kept his hand on his shoulder as they hiked back through the cave. Sonny and Cerberus sticking close by Clay as well.

As they stepped off the bus Lisa greeted them, going to Sonny first before making her way around all of Bravo, "Blackburn did quite the impression of you today...saved your asses down there."

"What are you talking about?" Clay asked.

"They were going to bomb it...Erik made a comms window for you...bought you more time."

"Made a comms window?" Sonny asked.

"You heard me Cowboy, you guys aren't the only ones who don't always play by the rules." Davis smiled.

* * *

"So I'm hearing that, uh, you can do a pretty good imitation of me, Blackburn." Jason smiled at the Commander on the plane once they had taken off.

"Oh, what? I've just been practicing in the mirror." Erik smiled back, he would do anything for his men, even risking court marshal.

"Is that right?" Jason laughed, thankful for his team and support staff.

"Yeah."

"Go ahead, let me see it." He dared.

"I'm Jason Hayes." Erik said mimicking Jason's tone perfectly.

"I'm Jason Hayes? I don't say that. First of all, I don't say I'm Jason Hayes." Jason laughed.

"Whatever. It worked. That is all that matters." Erik told him.

"Thank you." Jason told him.

Not too long after Davis walked up to Jason handing him a phone saying it was Harrington and he quickly disappeared further into the cargo area.

* * *

"Aw, nappy-poo time, huh? Get some beauty sleep before you deeply disappoint your future in-laws?" Sonny teased Clay.

"You know, I could've left you in that hole, Sonny." Clay said, knowing full well he never could have left him down there.

"Yeah. Well, you know, you may be a dead ringer for Peter Pan, and Kairos here is liable to worship Beelzebub, but I got to say, uh, you both got big cojones for staying down there like that."

"Vaya con Dios, bro."

"Easy, Kairos."

"Love you too Brother." Clay told him once Sonny came over and set up his hammock next to him.

"I am not sure what is worse...sharks or spiders." Sonny said seriously.

"What about those sharks that grow legs so they can get you in or out of the water." Clay smirked.

"Is that a thing?" Sonny asked, "Davis?! Is that a thing?"

"Is what a thing?" Lisa asked as she walked over to her two boys.

"Sharks that grow them legs and can getcha anywhere?" Sonny asked.

"Oh for Gods sake Clay why did you?..." Lisa asked, reaching over and smacking Clay in the chest as he started laughing hysterically.

"You little Shit." Sonny growled and Clay stopped laughing.

"Just payback for scaring me earlier Cowboy." Clay told him.

"Well both of you scared me today so knock that shit off and go to sleep." She said handing them both an Ambien.

"You stay close?" Sonny and Clay asked her at the same time.

"You know for Navy SEALS you two..." Lisa shook her head and smiled, Bravo was more than family and if she did get in to OCS it would mean saying goodbye to them.

"You make sure we make it home." Clay told her, "You are safe."

"Look at you going all soft." Lisa smiled as she ran her fingers through Clay's hair, "Go to sleep Pretty Boy."

"That mean you leavin?" Sonny asked.

"You know where I will be. Not like I can go far when we are stuck on this plane." She said brushing her fingers down Sonny's arm as she walked away from them.

"She likes you, you know?" Clay asked.

"What? No." Sonny said, instantly defensive.

"You like her too."

"Don't know what you are talking about." Sonny said as he pulled his hat down over his eyes.

"Spend enough time with the two of you...think I wouldn't notice?"

* * *

"Oh, there they go." Ray smiled as he saw Bravo Team walking towards the building.

"What's up?"

"Congrats, guys. I heard it got a little sticky down there." Ray said as he hugged, high fived and fist bumped his brothers.

"It was good."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, you know what, to be honest, Ray, we were a little shorthanded." Jason barked at Ray causing the entire team to freeze in their tracks.

"Saying you needed a little help?" Ray pushed.

"I don't know. Anyone from Green Team worth a damn?" Jason spit out.

"You ever hear the saying "quit while you're ahead," Jason?"

"Quit? That's really funny coming from a guy like you 'cause what I'm hearing is that you're window-shopping other teams." He yelled at Ray.

"You know what?"

"What?"

"I'm done shopping." Ray told him, they both knew no matter how pissed off one of them may be the option to join another team was never an option.

"Uh huh." Jason said, bringing his voice back down to a normal volume.

"Ball is in your court." Ray said, glaring at Jason, "Always has been."

"Then what the Hell was that call I got from Harrington?" Jason said, still pissed that Ray would get others involved...especially Harrington.

"Got your attention didn't it?" Ray said, crossing his arms, "Once you pull your head out of your ass why don't you give me a call."

"Pull my head out of my ass?" Jason dared Ray to come at him.

"You heard me Jason. My shoulder has been cleared for weeks."

Jason turned to look at Sonny and Clay and they led the rest of Bravo into the building, giving Jason and Ray the space to talk. "You lied to me Ray."

"I lied to myself too. I didn't know the shoulder was that bad."

"How many hours do you have in with Adam?"

"More than enough."

"I am not having this conversation now. Not like this."

"Just wanted to get your attention was all. I am dying here."

"I am still pissed."

"Get over it."

"You are an ass." Jason said as he got into his truck, not even bothering to say goodbye to the rest of his team.


	12. Chapter 12

Jason was still stewing over his argument with Ray when Alana came into the kitchen, she took him in and saw by the way he was standing that something was not okay. Quickly asking him, "Hey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing in the fridge." He snapped, even more mad at himself for taking out his frustration on her.

"Okay, well, that's easy to fix. What's wrong?" She pushed, knowing him since he was younger than their daughter she could read him like a book but Jason refused tell her...to him it was too stupid.

"I could use a beer."

"I guess I got too used to the consistency."

"I'm fine."

"You're clearly not. Didn't you see what being home did for you? You were happy. You were there for Emma and Mikey. Emma came home from Shawboro beaming, told me she loved having you there." Alana told him, trying to get through, to get her Jason back.

"She said that?" Jason asked, his kids always came through for him even when he was at his darkest points.

"But now, two spin-ups, and we're back to, "Which Jason is coming home?" Conquering hero? Or the angry, turbulent soul who saw something go sideways?"

"The mission went fine." Jason lied and she knew it. Technically all of Bravo made it home and uninjured, but it was far from fine and they lost one of their Saudi counterparts.

"What is it then? We might not be together, but I know you better than anyone. We're still friends right?" She asked him.

"Of course, but right now, I don't want to talk about it. I just want my mind off it." Jason said, no longer angry but not quite right.

"Okay. Look, I'm gonna go grab HEB's finest bottle of $12 red, a rotisserie chicken, and beer. When you move into your place, you might want to have a plan for keeping your kitchen stocked." She said before grabbing her keys and walking out the door with a smile on her face. As much as she hated the turbulence she could not imagine her life without him in it. He was her best friend and if they couldn't be the married couple they once were they could still be friends and friends are there for each other no matter what...for a hug...to talk...or to get beer and dinner.

Jason leaned over to the counter and put his head in his hands, trying to suck back the emotion boiling inside. Once he felt like he could breathe again checked the location of his boys on his smartphone, texting Clay and Sonny to see how they were doing before pocketing his phone and going to attempt to turn the television on to watch the news.

* * *

'I'm late. Just parked. Wish me luck.' Clay responded to Jason before running into the restaurant, quickly being led to the table. "I'm really sorry for being late." He said to Stella's parents.

"Coming from overseas and only seven minutes late, uh, you're good." Stella smiled, she was just thankful that he made it at all.

"Where overseas?" Her father asked.

"I'm not really allowed to talk about it."

"Well, wherever it was, it looks like they had you playing in the dirt." Her mom said, pointing to his fingernails.

"Mom." Stella snapped.

"Uh No. Uh, yeah, they did, in a sense, yeah." Clay answered before asking, "Uh, some wine for anyone?"

"Yeah. White. French." Her mom answered.

As Clay quickly ordered, french wine...in french, he smiled. It was habit, he wasn't doing it to show off, more for practice.

"You speak French, Clay." Her parents pointed out, surprised.

"Clay speaks six languages." Stella bragged.

"So how does it work between you two, with the amount of time that Clay is gone, fighting? Do you have any control with your schedule, Clay?" Her father asked, clearly not a fan of him from the beginning and not being afraid to let that show.

"Um, no, no, not at all. My-my team and I are called and we go." Clay told him, knowing that whatever he said the man would not like his answer.

"You just go. Follow the order?" Brett asked.

"It is the military, sir."

"Doesn't sound like that would make for a very stable home life. Seems unfair to ask that of a woman, all that worrying, fear of losing you while you're out following orders in the field, doing whatever craven politicians tell you to do."

"Okay, Dad, I think I told you..."

"Yeah. No, I mean, I...I do follow orders. And it's true there are some really terrible people in our government. But I do this so the people I love...like Stella, never have to see the things that I've seen overseas here on American soil. I don't...I don't plan on doing this until I'm dead. You know, I want to have a...a stable future with your daughter, I want to have kids. I want to try and maybe run for office one day. You know, see if I see if I can try and unseat one of those bad eggs you're talking about and maybe make this country a little bit better. Y'all can see me as just a pawn. That's fine, but I'm still gonna love Stella, and that's not gonna change." Clay said, anxious...Stella and him have never actually talked about having kids or him running for office before but the grin on her face he couldn't help but smile.

"All well and good, Clay, until you come home in a box. What about Stella then?"

"Dad!" Stella snapped, thankfully the waiter brought the wine to the table and interrupted any further line of questioning.

They ordered. They ate. Stella made sure the rest of the conversation revolved around her and Clay said very little, just wanting to make it through without punching her father. When they were done Stella decided to go back to the hotel to spend a little more time with her parents...she secretly wanted to yell at them...and told him to go meet up with the boys.

When Clay got into his car he pulled out his phone and text Sonny and Jason that he was headed to the bar and quickly got a response from Sonny that he was already there with some of the rest of the team.

* * *

Arguing with himself outloud, Jason mumbled, "I don't understand. You just have one remote for the TV...Can't just have one, right?" Hearing a knock on the front door he went on, "You got to be kidding, she's knocking." A little louder he called, "Alana, why are you knocking? What're you knocking for? You forget your keys?" Dropping the remote and walking to the door he mumbled, "Technology, I don't understand. Why can't there just be..."

As Jason opened the door to find a patrolman he lost his train of thought. "Are you Jason Hayes?" The officer asked him.

"What can I help you with?" Jason managed to ask.

"I'm sorry to have to tell you this. It's your wife. There's been an accident. She's being transported to Ramston Medical Center."

"Alana?" Jason asked, feeling like his knees were going to fall out underneath him.

"Yes Sir. If you want, I can drive you there." The officer said and Jason nodded, leaving the house without locking it.

Pulling out his phone and texting Ray, 'Accident. Alana. Ramston.' Was all Jason said and he quickly got a reply, 'On my way.'

* * *

As Ray jumped into his car he called Erik, "Alana has been in an accident. Heading now to meet Jason at Ramston."

"Is she okay?" Erik asked.

"I just told you all that I know."

"Should we let the rest of Bravo know?"

"Not yet. Could be nothing." Ray said, not believing it. If it was nothing Jason wouldn't have sent that text and they both knew it.

"Keep me informed."

"Yes Sir." Ray said as he threw his phone onto the passenger seat and put his foot on the gas. He drove past where the accident happened on his way to the hospital and seeing Alana's car he knew that she was not going to be fine...he just hoped that she was still breathing.

* * *

Jason jumped out of the patrol car before the officer was fully stopped, running into the emergency department in a near panic. "Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. There's been an accident...My wife. Hayes."

"Name?" The intake person asked.

"H-A-Y-E-S. Alana Hayes." Jason answered.

"She's in surgery. It's down the hallway to the right." She told him and Jason took off running.

He had a near identical conversation with the nurse at the desk outside the double doors. Her finally telling him that she was still in surgery and pointing to the waiting area where he went towards, choosing the hallway over the uncomfortable hospital chairs.

Less than fifteen minutes went by before a surgeon appeared from behind the doors, meeting Jason's eyes the doctor quickly said, "I'm sorry."

As Ray rounded the hallway he saw Jason fall into the wall and he knew his worst fear was confirmed. Alana didn't make it. Knowing Jason as well as he did when he reached him he didn't touch him...as much as he wanted to pull him into a hug...and he knew that would happen later...but at the hospital...Ray leaned against the wall next to his best friend.

"Alana, she she's I can't, Ray...She's..."

"I know." Ray told him.

Seeing Jason struggle to breathe, "She..."

"If you want to see her, I can take you back." The forgotten surgeon said and both Jason and Ray nodded, following him through the double doors. Stopping outside of a surgery suite the man gave a sad smile, "Take all the time you need. The police were able to get all of her information from the base hospital and she had a designated mortuary so we do not need any paperwork from you." He said, mostly to Ray, "Feel free to go when you are ready."

"Thank you." Ray told him as he followed Jason into the room. Alana was laying on the table, only her head and right arm showing from under a sheet. Evident that the nurses did what they could to quickly clean up from the rushed surgery that was unsuccessful in saving her life.

"Baby...no..." Jason whimpered as he went over and leaned against her, the doctor once again appearing out of no where shoving a chair underneath him before he collapsed onto the floor.

Ray stood back and as the tears slid from his eyes he pulled out his phone, texting Erik. 'Alana's gone. Tell Sonny and Clay to go to their house to meet the kids. Boys are at the bar.'

'Do you know how?' Erik asked.

"Doc do you know what happened?"

"Impaired driver ran the light is what the medics told us." He told them.

"Can I leave my information with you and just have whatever officers contact me for whatever they need?" When the doctor nodded Ray gave him his phone number and then the two were left alone in the room.

'Drunk driver ran a light.' Ray told him, 'I passed it on my way here. It was bad.'

'Take care of him. I will go tell the boys now. Meet you at their house.' Erik said before Ray pocketed his phone.

"Make sure it is Clay and Sonny who tell...who tell the kids." Jason mumbled.

"Erik is going to get them now and will go straight to your house." Ray told him.

"They will be home around eight...what time is it now?"

"Little before seven."

"I should be there...it should be me to tell them...right?" Jason asked, looking over at Ray with tears streaming down his face before turning back to his wife, "Alana...why?" He sobbed into her arm. "I can't tell them...I can't..." Ray silently walked over and put his hand on Jason's shoulder as his own tears continued to fall.

* * *

"Listen here, Tinker Bell, okay? There is no way in hell that people of your kind are better at throwing sharp objects than my people, okay?" Sonny said as he threw a dart, completely missing the board.

"Ooh, nice."

"Oh, there you go. No look, too." Sonny laughed.

Watching the dart bounce off the wall, "That was nice. That was nice."

Throwing another dart he said, "Here you go."

"So close...I'd probably look next time." Laughing, Clay smiled and taunted, "Listen here, sunshine, all right? My people, the Vikings, we throw rocks, okay? All right, we don't need the sharp objects. That's for the old ladies and the children."

"You see, I am a "Raspatutin" in boots. A Rasputin with a love of rodeo."

"Mm-hmm."

"I'm in your head right now, aren't I?" Sonny asked.

As Clay threw the dart without looking, hitting the bulls-eye the boys yelled out a cheer. "Boom!" Clay laughed.

"That was a good shot there, Cover Girl. Not gonna lie. I'd like to drink a little." Sonny laughed.

Seeing Erik walk in with a look of horror on his face, Clay quickly asked, "Who?"

"It's Jason. Alana, actually."

"Oh no." Sonny said, staggering back a couple feet as his stomach hit the floor.

"How?"

"Car accident. Drunk driver ran a light."

"Who is with..." Clay started to ask.

"Ray is with Jason. They want you two to be there when Emma and Mikey get home."

"I will close out your tabs and gather the rest of the guys and we will meet you at the house." Erik told them.

"Well what the hell are we waiting here for then?" Sonny said as he started walking to the door.

"Take my car." Clay said as he pulled out his keys, "They are used to seeing it there."

"Good thinking Blondie." Sonny said as he climbed into the passenger seat.

* * *

"You wanted to see me, sir?" Lisa asked as she walked into Harrington's office.

"Davis. There's been an accident. Alana Hayes. She was killed earlier...I don't have all the details. May have been a drunk driver. I know everyone is gonna take this hard, so I'll keep you posted when more information comes, all right?"

"The rest of Bravo knows?"

"Far as I can tell. Erik has been feeding me information he is getting from Ray."

"Where are they?"

"Clay and Sonny were headed to meet Jason's kids. Jason and Ray are still at the hospital."

"Can you take Bravo off rotation?"

"Already done."

"Is it okay with you if I go..."

"Why I called you in here. Ray asked if you could let Miss Ellis know, he said the two of you talk."

"Yes Sir. I will." She said before running out of the office and jumping into her car and driving straight over to Jason's house.

* * *

Sonny and Clay reached Jason's home in record time and let themselves into the unlocked front door and both sitting down on the couch. "This is fucked up...Alana cant...fuck..." Sonny said, fighting the tears he knew would eventually fall.

"Are we suppose to tell Emma and Clay or just be here when they get home?" Clay asked.

"I can't...no..."

"I am calling Jason." Clay said, pulling out his phone.

Jason picked up on the first ring, "Are they home?" He asked, his voice evident that he had been crying.

"Not yet."

"I don't know how to do this Kid."

"Do you want us to tell them?"

"What do you think?" Jason asked.

"I think this sucks." Clay told Jason.

"They trust you...I am trusting you." Jason told him as he started to sob again and Clay knew the phone was no longer anywhere near Jason's ear.

"Hey Kid." Ray said into the phone.

"Do we tell them Ray?"

"Think so. We may be here for a while. I just called Alana's parents and they are coming to the hospital. You can give Emma the option to come with you but Jason does not want Mikey to see her like this."

"What happened?"

"Impaired driver ran the light. I passed the car...it was her door that was hit."

"What can we do?"

"You make sure Emma and Mikey are safe." Ray told him, "They aren't going to be okay...but make sure they are safe."

"When will they be here?"

"Soon. Jason said before eight."

"The rest of the team?"

"Going to be heading to the house."

"No." Clay said, "They do not need a crowd. Send them to your house until Jace has time to be alone with his family."

"That is why he has had you as two Kid. Good point. I will call and redirect the boys."

"Davis is fine to come here." Clay said. "Sure she knows by now too."

"On it. Thanks Kid." He said before hanging up the phone.

"How are we suppose to tell Emma and Mikey that Alana is gone?" Sonny asked, "She has been the heart of Bravo as long as I have been..." Sonny froze as the front door opened and Emma and Mikey bounced in, Emma laughing at Mikey about something that happened as hockey practice.

"What's going on?" Emma asked, seeing Clay and Sonny but not their dad sitting on the couch.

"Can you guys come sit down?" Clay asked quietly, looking at Emma only. Knowing that Mikey would follow his sisters lead.

As Emma went over and sat down between Clay and Sonny on the couch, Sonny pulled Mikey onto his lap, "Come here Buddy." He mumbled.

"What happened to Dad?" Emma asked, tears already in her eyes as she looked at Clay.

"Your Mom." Clay told her.

"The accident we passed on our way home from...?"

"Yeah."

"Is she...is she okay?" Emma asked as the first tear slipped from her eye.

"She died." Clay told her and Emma quickly fell into his side sobbing and he pulled her over so he was holding her.

"Mom is dead?" Mikey asked Sonny.

"Yeah Buddy..." Sonny said as he felt the tears fall from his eyes as he pulled Mikey into him as he cried.

"If you are here who is with my Dad?" Emma asked without lifting her head from Clay's chest.

"Ray is with him and your grandparents are on their way to the hospital to meet him." Clay told her.

"No. We need to go. They are going to blame him. I need to be with my Dad." Emma said, quickly sitting up and wiping her face.

"Emma..." Clay started, knowing it was useless to argue with her.

"No. Not up for discussion. He can stay here with Sonny and we can go meet Dad." Emma said, quickly jumping up and pulling Clay's hand.

Davis chose that moment to run into the house, slowing down only when she saw Sonny holding Mikey as he cried into his shoulder. "Clay. Now."

"Take care of them." Clay said as he blinked the tears from his eyes as he walked past Lisa, following Emma out the door. "We will be back with Jason."

"Will you drive?" Emma asked, "I...I don't think I should right now."

"Yes." Clay nodded as he led her to his car, "I don't know how to prepare you for what you will see because I haven't been there."

"They will have my mom under a sheet with her head and an arm out. My dad will be a mess and my grandparents will be blaming him as soon as they get there...he doesn't need that."

"How do you know...?"

"Volunteer at the VA Hospital remember...and I know my family." Emma said, reaching her hand out and putting her hand over Clay's, she was terrified.

"I need you to trust me if I say we need to leave..." Clay told her as he squeezed her hand. "Whatever happens...I will be here...okay?"

"You going to be in family mode or my dad's number two?"

"Your Dad has Ray right now."

"So you are my family and not my dad's number two...so when he needs you...you act like family...not like...not like you are on a mission...that is how my dad works...but with you he can be different and with this...he is going to need you to be different or he wont survive."

"Emma you shouldn't have to worry about this stuff."

"Except I do...it was always my mom's job...but now she is gone and someone has to worry for my Dad and take care of Mikey." She said, "What is going to happen when you guys get called up again?"

"I am sure Blackburn has us off rotation."

"That won't last forever."

"We will see when we get there...we will always have Jace's back."

"If he stays home he will be sick worrying about you guys but if he goes we will be alone."

"I don't have answers for you Emma...this just happened. Focus on now. The next few hours...few days...let us take care of you."

"You sound like him you know...like Dad...that is something he would say."

"Well we do spend a lot of time together."

"Only you and Hannah."

"Only me and Hannah what?"

"Only the two of you can take care of me." Emma said, "I don't want anyone else coming up to me and hugging me or asking if I am okay...because I am not...but I know you and Hannah won't make it a big deal." She told Clay as they pulled up outside of the hospital.

Clay pulled out his phone and called Ray, "Emma and I are here. Where do we go?"

"Second floor. Tell the front desk who you are here to see. Just told the nurse you were on your way. Davis texted."

"Are her parents there yet?"

"Not yet."

"See you in a minute." Clay said as he hung up his phone.

"They live a couple hours away. If they got the call around the same time you told us they will be here in about twenty minutes."

"You sure you want to do this?"

"I don't think anyone wants to walk into a room to see their dead mom on a table covered in a sheet and and see their dad crying." Emma rolled her eyes at Clay. "I need to do this...and yes I am ready." She said, tears in her eyes as she stepped out of the Nova.

"I've got you." Clay said as he put his arm around her shoulder.

"I know." She said, wiping her eyes, "And I will need you later. Right now we need to be strong for my Dad." She said pulling her self out from his arm but quickly taking his hand in her own.

* * *

"Mikey, do you want something for dinner?" Lisa asked him.

"No." He mumbled, "I'm not hungry."

"Buddy you need to eat."

"I will eat when Emma and Dad get home."

"What kind of food do you want to have here when they get home?"

"Chicken. Dad will want chicken and we need beer."

"Beer huh?" Sonny smirked.

"For my Dad."

"What about you?"

"Root beer."

"Root beer, beer and chicken." Lisa smiled, "That sounds like a Jason kind of dinner."

"Can we have ice cream too?" Mikey asked, "When Emma gets upset she likes cookie dough ice cream."

"You bet Buddy." Lisa said, texting Erik a quick shopping list that also had pizza on it.

"Sonny can we go play video games?" Mikey asked after a couple minutes.

"Sure thing." Sonny said, following Mikey up the stairs leaving Lisa alone downstairs where she quickly went to work taking stock of what was in the pantry and fridge and starting laundry.

* * *

"Dad." Emma whispered as her and Clay walked into the surgical suite so find Jason with his head down on her moms arm.

"Emma?" Jason asked looking up to see her holding Clay's hand and walking towards him and he quickly wiped his eyes.

"Mom is gone." Emma said as she sank into Jason's lap with her head on his shoulder as she reached out and touched her mothers hand.

"Yeah Baby...she is gone." Jason said, barely above a whisper as a fresh round of tears fell from his eyes as he reached out to grab Clay's arm.

"I've got you." Clay said, walking forward and putting both hands on Jason's shoulders and squeezing tight three times before Jason dropped his head forward as he cried onto his daughters shoulder.

Emma looked up at Clay and with her eyes she told Clay to move around to the other side of the chair where she made it so Jason was being held both by her, but also by Clay, Jason's shoulder now leaning into Clay as his arm wrapped around and his thumb stroked Jason's shoulder. As hard as it was for Clay to stand there, he knew it was tenfold for Emma and Jason...and for Ray who had known Alana and Jason nearly as long as he had been alive.

Even when Jason stopped crying he still leaned into Clay's side. No one saying anything and Ray still standing guard in the doorway.

"Oh my Baby!" Alana's Mother cried out when she walked into the room, at first not even seeing Jason, Emma, Clay and Ray as she ran towards her daughters body, leaning forward and kissing her forehead.

"Sir." Ray mumbled a greeting to her father as he walked in.

"It shouldn't be this way." Her father growled back, "It should be him."

Clay saw Emma tense at the words and they held Jason tighter into them until Jason pushed them away as he stood up, "I need to go." He said. Quickly leaning over and kissing Alana's forehead and brushing her hair back one more time before walking out.

"You stay with them. When they take her then you come to our house." Emma barked the order to Ray who nodded and Ray silently transferred the order to look out for Emma and Jason, no one bothering to even say hello to Alana's parents.

Emma quickly took Clay's hand in hers again as they followed Jason out into the parking lot. "Car is this way." Clay said to Jason, leading Emma around him towards his Nova.

The ride home was silent until Clay pulled into the driveway, behind Jason's truck, leaving the spot for Alana's car empty. "Emma can you give us a minute?" Jason asked after the three got out of the car. Emma quickly looked at Clay and he gave a sad smile and nodded, a move not missed by Jason, "My kids questioning my authority...why is that not a surprise." Jason shook his head before walking into the garage, "We will be in in five minutes."

As soon as Emma was out of sight Jason sank down onto the ground in front of his project car and put his head in his hands. "Jace?"

"This is my fault." Jason started, looking up at Clay with tears in his eyes, "I was pissed about Ray and she went to get chicken and beer...and now...and now..." Jason said crying too hard to talk.

Clay sank down next to him and pulled him into his side, holding him, "This isn't your fault." He told him.

"Her Dad was right...it should have been me..." Jason choked out, "I don't know how to do this...Alana...Alana...oh God Baby...Alana has told me what to do since we were sixteen."

"What can I do?" Clay asked Jason, once the man regained control and sat back up.

"I need you to promise me you will make sure Emma is okay...she is going to try and take care of me...I need you to take care of her."

"I can do that." Clay promised. "But I need to know you are being taken care of too..."

"My Mom flies in tomorrow. Ray already arranged for Davis to pick her up from the airport."

"Your Mom?"

"You heard me."

"Do you want me to stay here or stay at my place?"

"Tonight...Here." Jason said, "How is Sonny? Him and Alana...fuck...You and Naima are going to be the only ones who will be able to help him with this..."

"Davis has Sonny covered."

"Not with this." Jason told him, "Sonny and Alana...they were a lot like you and Emma are."

"Naima?"

"She is the only other person who has the same kind of relationship with him."

"Jason...?"

"Yeah Kid?"

"I am only going to say this once...I am sorry...I know you don't want to hear it...or anyone asking how you are doing or anything like that...so I will only say it now...but you need to hear it...I've got you the best I can and I know I can't even come close to Alana and I know it is totally different but...you..."

"Thanks Kid." Jason said with a sad smile as the tears dried on his face, "Now I need to get in the house before my daughter comes and hunts us down." He said as he used Clay's shoulder to help him stand up.

"Hey Jace." Lisa said as the two walked in from the garage. "You want the boys here tonight or not?"

"Family would be nice." Jason said, "Where's Mikey?"

"Video games with Sonny." Lisa told them.

"Emma?"

"Said she would be in her room...wanted Clay to go in there when he could." Lisa said nervously, a little surprised that she would even ask Clay to come to her.

She was even more surprised though when Jason turned around to Clay, "You take care of my Baby Girl."

"On it." Clay said, squeezing Jason's shoulder as he walked past.

"Him and Emma?"

"Are close." Jason said as if that explained everything. "How is he doing?" He asked, wondering about Sonny, not Mikey.

"Right after I got here Mikey asked if they could play a game and they went upstairs."

"Thank you for being here Davis." Jason said, "Call the boys and tell them they can come on over...did you talk to Mandy?"

"She is working on getting back here." Lisa told him. "Anything else I can do?"

"Alana would have the answers." Jason said, his eyes filling with tears. "I don't."

Lisa walked over to him and put her arms around him and for a second he leaned into her before straightening up, "We will get you through this."

"If Sonny pushes you away...Naima or Clay will be the only ones who can get through...remember that." Jason said before walking up the stairs to see his son.


	13. Chapter 13

Clay went two steps at a time up the stairs and let himself into Emma's room, leaving the door cracked open behind him. The light was off but the room was dimly lit by her TV screen playing Harry Potter and seeing her curled up on her bed he kicked off his shoes laid down next to her as she quickly snuggled into his side, neither saying a word as they watched the movie they had both seen hundreds of times.

They could hear what was going on in the rest of the house and knew the rest of Bravo had arrived, that Jason went into the room across the hall with Mikey and Sonny before the three went downstairs, but Clay sat there, still holding Emma as the final credits rolled. "I don't know how to do this." She told him, "I am scared."

Rather than saying anything he just held her. There was no word in any of the languages he knew that could bring Alana back or make anyone feel any better so he just held her as she cried into his chest.

"Did you tell Stella?" She finally asked him.

"No."

"You should."

"Have you told Hannah?"

"No."

"You should."

"Together?" She asked.

"You need to call Hannah. I can text Stella."

"Will you stay with me?"

"Yes." Clay said as he brushed Emma's hair over her shoulder so it lay across her back, "Call her now."

"Facetime or just call?"

"You face time you will need to turn on a light." Clay said and Emma reached around him and flipped a switch turning on white holiday lights that illuminated the room. "You can do this." Clay told her as he pulled out his own phone and texting Stella.

'Alana died. Car accident. Staying at Jason's tonight.' He sent.

When Emma saw him drop his phone down she grabbed it from him and looked at what he sent. "Fuck Clay...do you not talk to her at all?"

"What am I suppose to say?" He asked, fighting the tears in his eyes, wanting to be strong for Emma and Jason but also devastated from the loss of Alana. "The people that I consider my family are hurting right now because Alana was killed in a car accident and I feel totally helpless and just want to be close to them in case there is anything I can do to make this not so impossibly hard?"

"That is a hell of a lot better than what you said." Emma told him as tears spilled form her eyes, "And you are family...and you are helping."

"I don't know how to do this." Clay told her, "When it is one of us...the Navy tells us how to do it...but your mom..."

"I don't know how to tell Hannah."

"Helps to dial her number." Clay said reaching for Emma's phone and going into the contacts telling the phone to facetime her best friend.

"Hey! You were suppose to call me when you got home." Hannah said, quickly realizing it was mostly Clay's face she could see and that both him and Emma had been crying, "What happened?"

"That car accident...that was my mom..." Emma said as tears continued to roll down her cheeks.

"The one that we got stuck in traffic to go around?" Hannah said as her eyes welled with tears.

"Yes." Clay answered for Emma when all she could do was nod.

"Is she okay?"

"No."

"But you aren't at the hospital."

"She died Hannah." Emma told her.

"Oh my God...what? I don't...what can I do?" Hannah asked as tears fell from her eyes as she walked through her house going to where her parents were.

"Tonight...nothing." Clay answered.

"Alana died in a car accident tonight." Hannah told her parents and her dad quickly took the phone.

"Spencer?" He asked, surprised it was him on the other end before seeing that Emma and her mop of blond curls was all you could really see of her as she cried into his shoulder.

"Impaired driver ran the light. Hit the driver door." He told Adam.

"Jason?"

"Bravo is all here. His mom flies in tomorrow morning." Clay told the man who had trained him in green team.

"We will bring breakfast over in the morning." Adam said before handing the phone back to his daughter.

"Clay...is Emma...her candy stash is in the bottom drawer of her side table and make sure that you watch POA."

"We just finished it." Clay smiled as he felt Emma laugh in his chest.

"Emma I will have my ringer on all night if you need anything..."

"I love you." Emma told her as she lifted her head to look at the phone again.

"Love you too Wifey." She told her best friend. "Clay you take care of her."

"I will."

"Emma do you want people to know?"

"They will find out I am sure...can you make sure they hear what I told you?"

"Tag you on social?"

"Just login to mine and post for me. Driver ran the light. Mom didn't make it. Please give us time to process...or something like that."

"On it. Love you." Hannah told her. "Phone will be on."

When Hannah hit the end button on the phone Emma sat up and wiped her face, "We should check on Dad and Mikey."

"Is there any point in me telling you that you don't have to do everything?"

"No."

"Okay...then...take five minutes to just be, then we can go see how everyone else is."

"Five minutes?"

"Then we can go."

"Okay." She said, laying her head back on Clay's shoulder where he held her until his phone buzzed.

'Are you joking?' Stella sent a text.

"Clay just call her." Emma said as she tapped on the text to open it and then hit the call button.

"Clay?" She answered.

"Emma is here too." Clay told her.

"It's true then?"

"Driver ran the light."

"What can I do to help?"

"I will have Naima give you a call...she will know."

"Okay." Stella said quietly, "Emma?"

"Yeah?" Emma answered timidly.

"Take care of each other and call if you need anything."

"Family sticks together." Emma told her.

"And Bravo is family." Stella said, "Here if you need anything." before hanging up.

"I don't know what to think about her...you guys are so different but she is..."

"Can we not talk about that right now?"

"If we can go check on..."

"Fine."

"Fine."

* * *

"Hey." Jason said as he walked into Mikey's room. Sonny immediately hitting the pause button and looking up at Jason.

"Did they take mom to the funeral home?"

"Your grandparents were there with her but yes they are going to take her."

"Did she look normal?"

"She looked like she was asleep." Jason told his son. He didn't mention that under the sheet that he lifted her entire midsection was crushed and cut open from surgery...he didn't need to know that.

"But she won't ever wake up."

"No Buddy." Jason said as he sat down on the bottom bunk of Mikey's bed.

"Does that mean I don't have a Mom anymore?"

"Your mom will always be your mom."

"Is it okay to talk about her?"

"It will always be okay to talk about her." Jason said, "She was one of the most amazing Mom's on the planet and you and Emma were lucky to have her."

"What will happen to us when you have to leave again?"

"We don't have to worry about that right now." Jason told him.

"Am I suppose to be sad all the time?"

"You can be whatever you feel whenever you feel it." Jason gave a sad smile.

"I don't believe it yet...but I am mostly scared." Mikey told his dad.

"What makes you scared Bud?" Sonny asked.

"Mostly what the kids will say when they find out...and that people will act weird around me."

"They probably will act weird...but that is because they don't know what it is like to lose their mom."

"What if I cry?" He asked, looking over at Sonny, knowing that he cried when he found out but his Dad didn't know that.

"Then you cry. I cried."

"You did?"

"Yeah Bud...and I will again, we probably all will cry a whole bunch and that is normal."

"But having your mom die is not normal."

"No...no it definitely isn't."

"It sucks."

"Yeah it does...but you know what?" Jason smiled at his son, "We have each other...you, me, Emma...your Grandma Linda will be here in the morning...your other grandparents will probably stop by too."

"And Sonny is here." Mikey said, "And Clay."

"All of Bravo will be here...a lot...but if you ever need time with just me or with just Emma I just need you to tell me okay?"

"Okay." He said reaching over and turning off the game, "Can we have dinner now?"

* * *

"How are they doing?" Erik asked as himself, Trent and Brock walked into the house depositing the piles of food on the counter.

"Jason sent Clay up with Emma and then he went up to check on Mikey and Sonny." Lisa told them.

"What can we do?" Brock asked as Cerberus followed him in.

"Take your lead from Jason...don't ask how he is doing though...and Emma is Hell bent on protecting him from what Sonny said." Lisa said, "Why don't you guys just relax and eat."

"Hey Boys." Jason said a few minutes later as he walked into the kitchen as they were all starting to grab food. Brock passed Jason a beer as Trent handed Mikey a root beer and they all stood around the kitchen island picking apart the chicken and demolishing the pizza.

Once Mikey was finished he went off with Cerberus in tow back up to his bedroom, being old enough to know when his Dad needed time with his guys and when it was okay for him to be around. As he walked by the front door Ray let himself in and Mikey ran over to him and wrapped him in a hug. "Hey Bud." Ray said, his voice scratchy.

"Were you crying?" Mikey asked him.

"Yeah Bud, I was." Ray told him.

"They took my Mom to the funeral place?"

"Yeah."

"Did my Dad get to say goodbye when she was still alive?"

"We didn't get to see her until after she was already gone."

"So she died alone?"

"Mikey, why are you asking?"

"Well...like when something happens to one of you...like when Nate died...you were all together...but my Mom..."

"Before you left for school today what did you tell your Mom?" Ray asked.

"That I loved her...then she said she loved me."

"And Emma had the same conversation...right?"

"Yeah...well...Emma asked her if they could go shopping this weekend and Mom told her to ask Dad."

"Mikey do you think your Mom knew how much you and Emma and your Dad loved her?"

"Yes."

"Then do you think she felt alone?"

"I guess not." Mikey told him, "But I think Dad feels alone...he talked to Clay for a little bit out in the garage before he came in."

"Do you know what they talked about?"

"No but Emma was mumbling about him crying before she shut herself into her room and then Clay practically ran into her room and then Dad came into my room and then we went down to eat but now Dad needs time with you guys so I am just going to play the game with Cerberus."

"How are you doing?" Ray asked him, pulling the child in for a hug again.

"I am scared...and sad...but it kinda feels like a bad dream."

"You want someone to go up there with you?"

"No." He said, his fathers look of defiance clearly written on his face. "I need you guys to take care of Dad and Emma. If they are okay then I will be...besides, Brock told Cerberus to keep me company."

"When did you get so grown up?"

"Since my Mom died." Mikey said quickly before heading up the stairs, leaving Ray with his jaw on the floor and tears filling his eyes.

* * *

"Jace?" Ray said, walking up behind his best friend and putting his hand on his shoulder.

Jason turned around and seeing the tears in his eyes he pulled him into a hug, "Any problems?"

"I just asked Mikey when he got so grown up..." Ray said, "Do you know what his answer was? He said, 'Since my Mom died'."

"Fuck." Sonny mumbled. "Fuck!" He growled a little louder before walking out onto the back patio, leaving the door open behind him.

"I can't do this Ray...I can't." Jason said, barely above a whisper as he bent himself over, leaning onto the counter and putting his head between his arms, "It should be me."

"Daddy." Emma said, walking into the kitchen with Clay following behind.

"Baby..." Jason said turning around and opening up his arms that his daughter quickly filled.

"It shouldn't be you. I don't want you to say that again." Emma told him as she pushed down her own emotion to try and help her dad to be strong. "We called and told Hannah...and her parents."

"Adam knows?" Jason asked, his voice cracking.

"They are bringing breakfast over in the morning." Clay spoke up. "Hey Ray." He said, putting his hand on Ray's shoulder. "Mikey is explaining to Cerb how to play hockey on his game and how it is different than in real life." Clay told Jason, "Kid sounds a lot like you when he is teachin'."

Jason smiled, "Never noticed before but I think you're right."

"Daddy have you talked to Sonny at all?" Emma asked when she noticed he wasn't in the room, "Him and Mom were..."

"I don't know how." Jason told her as he looked outside to see where Sonny had gone.

"Okay." Emma said, leaning up to kiss her Dad on the cheek. "Come on." She said reaching over and grabbing Clay's hand and pulling him outside with her.

"How long have they been this close?" Ray asked as they watched Clay and Emma sit down on the pavement on either side of Sonny, Clay pulling Sonny into him.

"A while." Jason answered, staring out the window. "She is so much like Alana."

"And Clay is a whole hell of a lot like you." Erik pointed out.

Jason mumbled as he watched Sonny crumble into Clay, "I don't fucking know how to breathe and the Kid was able to tell my my kids...my kids...that Alana is dead...he brought Emma to the hospital and brought us both back home and has said...in the garage...knew exactly what to say since the fucking crash...the Kid...and now he is outside...holding his brother and making sure that my daughter isn't trying to take care of everyone on her own..."

"Like I said...hell of a lot like you." Erik smiled sadly.

"How does he know what to do?" Jason asked out loud, a question directed at no one.

"What can we do Jace?" Ray asked.

"Deal with the insurance company for me...I don't know how to plan a funeral...I don't know how to be a dad...I don't know how to work the fucking coffee making without Alana..." Jason said raking his fingers through his hair trying to calm his shaking hands.

"Jason do you have a list of people who need to be notified?" Lisa asked.

"Uhh...I told her parents...I..."

"We have a list of people to notify if something were to happen to you." Erik said.

"In your Will...Jace...Alana had all of that in the Will...Naima is already taking care of it." Ray said. "What can we do for you?"

"I..." Jason started, eyes still on Sonny, Clay and Emma, "I need to be out there." He said as he saw Emma crying, Clay quickly pulling her over into his lap, now holding both of them.

* * *

"Sonny?" Emma said as she sat down next to the man as the tears started to fall from her eyes, she could feel the pain radiating off of him.

"Got you." Clay said as he sat down and as soon as Sonny felt Clay's arm on him he leaned into him wishing the tears would fall from his eyes but he was frozen in unbelief.

"Why?" Sonny asked, looking at Emma, "I am sorry...I should be the one...I am sorry."

"Don't be sorry...you loved my Mom...and it is okay to not be okay." Emma told him through her tears.

"How can she be gone?" Sonny asked as he melted into Clay, voicing the question that was running through everyone's head.

"It isn't fair." Emma said as she started to sob, "It isn't fair." She struggled to breathe and Clay reached over Sonny and pulled her onto his lap and she wrapped herself around him, burying her face in his neck, her arm holding tight to both Clay and Sonny.

As Clay ran his hand through her hair he purposefully slowed his breathing so that she would emulate his and when she was back to breathing normal she yelled into Clay's shoulder, "I just want my mom...I don't know how to...I need my Mom...a girl needs her Mom!"

"Baby?" Jason said as he lowered himself down onto the pavement sitting next to Clay and reaching his arm around to pull Emma into him but she only held tighter to Clay.

Clay looked over at Jason, "I've got her." He told the man and Jason nodded as a tear slipped from his eye, his little girl was devastated but even then she didn't want to put her pain onto him and in that moment he knew he would be eternally grateful that she had Clay to help her carry that burden.

"Sonny?" Jason asked, as he fought back his own tears.

"I hate this." Sonny mumbled, "They spent millions on us and we still cant..."

"Bring someone back from the dead?" Emma mumbled as she wiped the tears from her face, looking at her Dad she smiled.

"Or work a coffee maker." Jason laughed.

"I don't know what tomorrow is going to look like Jace...but Alana...you guys...you are my family." Sonny told them.

"Sonny...Bravo is a family...no matter what...and Bravo is for life." Emma told him as she untangled herself from Clay, "If you guys weren't hurting too I would be mad...I am already mad...but knowing I'm not the only one to miss her...that is the ONLY thing that is going to get us through."

Reaching her hands out, Sonny and Jason each took a hand and squeezed it, "Promise me that when you think about her or miss her you will tell me. I don't want to forget her."

"Emma there ain't no such thing as forgetting your Mom." Sonny told her.

"Looking at you...all I see if your Mom. Especially your attitude." Jason smiled at her.

"You can feel their eyes on you...cant you?" She asked.

"Yes."

"They just want to help."

"Then why does it make me angry?" Jason asked.

"Because your best friend is dead and for the first time you can't get payback." Emma told him.

"Think she gets that from you." Clay laughed when Jason for the first time was rendered speechless.

"That look she is making is all Alana." Sonny laughed, "I have seen it a few times back in the day."

"Back in the day?" Clay laughed.

"Why does it feel better when we laugh?" Emma asked.

"Because your Mom was almost smiling." Jason said, "Even when she was pissed she would still find a way to smile."

"Dad, do you think we should send them home for the night?" Emma asked, "Mikey needs to go to bed and..."

"I...I don't know..." Jason said, looking to Clay, a move that did not go unnoticed by Emma or Sonny.

"Why don't you go help Mikey get tucked into bed." Clay told Jason, "Sonny, Emma and I can figure out a plan for tomorrow."

"Yeah...yeah...okay." He said standing up slowly and walking inside, ignoring the eyes on him as he walked through the kitchen.

"I am scared he isn't going to make it through this." Emma said, leaning her head back on Clay's shoulder.

"We will get him through." Sonny promised.

"We should probably go in there and talk with them all..." Emma pointed out with a yawn.

Sonny stood up, followed by Clay who lifted Emma in the process, holding her steady as she wavered on her feet. Together the three went inside. "We will be back in the morning." Erik said, standing up with Trent and Brock as Cerberus trotted back into the room, "If you need anything..."

"We will call." Emma smiled sadly. "Thank you for dropping everything to come...and thanks to whoever cleaned up." She said as she looked around the spotless kitchen.

"Night Boys." Sonny said as the three let themselves out.

"Ray what do we need to do?" Emma asked.

"Naima is working out a plan, I think all you guys will need to do though is pick a dress for her to be buried in and just show up to the funeral." Ray told her.

"Mom really did have everything planned out didn't she?" Emma asked as she sat down on Clay's lap, once again putting her head on his shoulder and he wrapped his arm around her out of reflex, leaning his cheek against the top of her head.

"Holding her like Jace always did." Ray smiled at Clay as he started gently rocking Emma in his arms.

"In their own world." Lisa said quietly, "It's been a long day and she should be in bed."

"Huh?" Clay asked, not realizing that Ray had been talking to him.

"Nothin' Kid." Ray smiled as he watched Clay holding his best friends daughter, evident that the two had a deep trust and closeness...and knowing Emma since she was a baby he knew that for her to trust Clay it had been well earned or she would be at an arms distance like she was with most of the rest of the team guys.

"I am going to go check on Jace." Sonny said, getting up after a few minutes of silence.

* * *

"You don't have to stand outside the door Sonny." Mikey said, seeing his shadow pacing in the hallway. When Sonny walked in he found the boy sitting in his chair playing the hockey game as Jason lay asleep half on the top bunk, his legs dangling over the edge. "Think he came to get me ready for bed but...I told him to let me finish the game and the next time I looked over he was like that."

"Game almost over?" Sonny asked.

"It is." Mikey said, "I've just been doing the practice since right after he came in here."

"Why don't you go brush your teeth and get ready for bed then." Sonny said and Mikey quickly complied.

"Clay is still with Emma right?"

"Yeah Bud, that okay?"

"She needs him."

"Don't think he is going anywhere anytime soon." Mikey nodded and quietly grabbed his pajamas and went across the hall into the bathroom. "Last time I put you to bed was after a bad night moon shining." Sonny mumbled as he pulled off Jason's shoes, grabbed the phone from his pocket and pushed the man over so he was in the middle of the bed.

"Won't be the last." Jason mumbled in his sleep, "I can't live without her."

"You can Brother. We are going to find a way...promise you that." Sonny said as he squeezed his friends shoulder as he rolled over in his sleep. Sonny silenced Jason's phone and his own before setting them down on the chair and waited for Mikey to come back.

"Sonny?" Mikey called from the door.

"Yeah Bud?"

"I am worried about my Dad."

"I know Bud, but I promise you I wont let anything happen to him."

Mikey came over and crawled onto his bed and lay as close to the wall as he could, "Will you stay just in case?"

Sonny walked over and turned off the light to the room, sat down on the edge of the bed and kicked off his shoes before laying down next to Mikey. "I've got first watch Bud." He said as the boy curled up into his side.

* * *

"You think Sonny is going to stay here or should I give him a ride home?" Lisa asked after a few minutes of silence, his bike is still at the bar.

"Its been quiet up there for a few minutes." Ray said, standing up, "I'll go check on them."

"Clay, you and Emma should get some sleep, I can stop by your apartment on my way back tomorrow and pick up some things for you." She told him while Ray was checking on the boys.

"I've got stuff here." He said surprising her and he explained, "Since the crash I have a change of clothes just in case.

"Sonny's staying." Ray said as he walked back into the kitchen. "Jason passed out on the top bunk and Mikey is laying on Sonny on the bottom."

"Ray can you have Naima get a hold of Stella...she said she will help with whatever."

"Sure thing Kid...why don't you get Emma to bed, sleeping at the kitchen table isn't exactly the most comfortable."

"Not asleep." Emma mumbled without opening her eyes as she dropped her arm to her lap from its spot around his neck.

"What time will you be back in the morning?" Clay asked as Emma's head slid down on his arm as he adjusted how he was holding her now that she was clearly asleep.

"Will talk to Adam and let everyone know." He said, "Davis you are picking up Linda at eight."

"I am." She said, "How else can I help?"

"Tomorrow will be for family...so Bravo and Linda...Alana's parents will probably stop by to check in on the kids. If they come be nice to them...her mom is fine but do not let her Dad and Jason be alone together." Ray told them. "And get her into bed."

"Said not sleeping." Emma slurred, as she jerked her head up, resting her face in Clay's neck, "Need Mom home first." she said, then realizing what she said in sleep and immediately bursting into tears.

"We'll go." Ray said as he stood up, Lisa trailing behind. "Call if you need anything. I am five minutes away."

"I'm going to carry you up." Clay told her before standing, but she was crying to hard to even notice and just clung to his neck. As they reached the top of the stairs she quieted but as soon as they were in her room she let out a cry of pain, "I've got you." Clay whispered to her, laying down on the bed with her still attached.

"It hurts." She sobbed. Clay couldn't hide his emotion as he cried with her, it hurt him to have her so upset...to not be able to fix it. As he sat, with her on top of him he rocked her and held her close. "I need you." She whispered to him.

"Right here." He told her.

"I will always need you."

"I am not going anywhere."

"You are the only thing that makes me feel safe."

"In a house filled with SEAL's and I am the only thing that makes you safe?" Clay smiled, he knew that she meant with her heart.

"Don't ever leave...okay?"

"Emma..."

"I mean it Clay...you make me safe and I need you."

"Look at me." Clay said, tears still wet on his face and when Emma looked up at him he put his hands on her cheeks and wiped her tears with his thumbs, "I've got you."


	14. Chapter 14

Jason woke up and looked around to find that he was on the top bunk of his son's bed. When he sat up he saw Sonny's shoes on the floor and quickly remembered the horror of the last twenty four hours. Finding Sonny laying in the bottom bunk with his son he fought the tears in his eyes he dropped down from the bed. Sonny opened an eye and looked at him but Jason quickly shook his head and pointed at Mikey and Sonny nodded and closed his eye.

Walking across the hall he went into his daughters room where he found Emma and Clay asleep in the double bed, arms side by side. Jason gently sat down beside Clay and rest his hand on Clay's shoulder before brushing the shaggy hair back from the younger man's forehead.

When Clay opened his eyes Jason gave a sad smile, "She sleep all night?"

Clay shook his head, "Woke up a couple times."

"When you weren't touching her?" Jason asked when he saw that Clay looked down at their arms. Clay nodded, "She has been that way her entire life." Jason said reaching over and brushing the hair out of her face. "I'm going to need you today...maybe tonight...but she can't get used to this."

"Okay." Clay said, rolling over so he could look up at Jason. "How are Mikey and Sonny?"

"Still asleep." Jason said and before Clay even had a chance to respond Emma started to whimper and call for Alana in her sleep. "How do we do this?" Jason asked, tears in his eyes, "How can we go on without her?"

"Daddy?" Emma said, now awake and crying, "It wasn't just a bad dream was it?"

"Adam will be over here soon with breakfast." Jason told her, quickly standing up and throwing his mask on the only way he knew how. "Why don't you get up and get ready."

Clay and Emma looked at each other before looking at Jason, "That how this is going to be?" Emma asked.

"Emma I..." Jason started.

"No. It's fine. But promise me...promise me that after everyone goes home and it is just us that you wont push us away." Emma told him, knowing that her fathers way to get through was one second at a time, with a mission...the current mission being-make it through the day.

"Jace?" Clay asked. "Walk with me." He said, getting out of bed and walking downstairs to the garage...knowing that Jason would follow him anywhere.

"Go Dad. I am going to go take a shower." Clay heard Emma said, "Go with Clay."

"Yeah...yeah...okay." When Jason made it down to the garage he found Clay leaning against his old car, "Whatever you are going to say just don't." When Clay just stood there looking at Jason it wasn't what he expected, "Alana...dammit Kid...I need her to tell me what to do." he said sinking down against the car next to Clay. "Tell me what to do?"

"You promise me that if you need a break today you come out here...don't run...just come out here and either me or Ray will..."

"I don't want a babysitter."

"Well I don't want you to lose your shit."

"I'm fine." Jason said, standing up and squaring himself off with Clay who still held his position leaning against the old green car.

"Right." He challenged.

"Fuck you." Jason said pushing Clay's shoulders.

"Seriously?" Clay questioned, this time catching Jason as he went to push him and wrapped him in a hug. A hug that was initially fought but quickly realized to be exactly what he needed. "I've got you." Clay told him as he held the older man as he cried into his shoulder.

* * *

"You guys going to sleep all day?" Emma said, walking into her brothers room after she was dressed and ready for the day.

"Jace?" Sonny asked.

"With Clay down in the garage."

"Hannah said they would be here soon." Emma said, waving her phone. "Dad is going to put on a show today."

"Think so?"

"He won't let anyone outside of you and Clay see him..."

"Are you talking about Dad crying?"

"Yes."

"Why would he say it is okay for me to cry but then..."

"Because Dad is stubborn. It is okay for you to cry if you want to. We lost Mom." Emma said walking over and sitting down on her brother's bed next to where the two lay. Reaching over Sonny she squeezed her brothers shoulder.

"She isn't lost. She died." Mikey said as tears formed in his eyes.

"And it is okay to be sad and to miss her...and cry if you need to." Emma told her brother.

"I am scared." Mikey told her.

"Me too Bud but we will find a way...we always do." Emma smiled, "Now. Both of you...go shower. You stink."

* * *

Emma greeted Hannah and her parents at the door when they arrived with breakfast and then stuck her head in the garage, only to find her Dad crying into Clay's shoulder. "Adam's here." She said quietly and she saw both her dad and Clay nod and she went back inside and quickly snuck away with Hannah back up to her room as Adam and Victoria set out the food for the guys they knew would start trickling in.

"Hey Adam." Clay said as he walked in a few minutes later, a spot on his shoulder clearly wet from tears but no questioning from the Master Chief.

"Hey Spencer." Adam smiled, "Have you met Victoria?"

As Clay went through the pleasantries his watch was on the door to the garage waiting on Jason's entrance. "Thanks for bringing breakfast." Jason said when he walked in, eyes bloodshot but tear tracks dried.

"Least we could do." Victoria said, walking over and wrapping Jason in a hug. "I am so sorry about Alana." She said before letting go of the Bravo Team Leader.

"Yeah...uh...she..." Jason stumbled over his words and quickly looked to Clay.

"Hey Jace, why don't you let Mikey know the food is here...I think I hear that race game again." Clay said, feeling Jason's eyes on him.

"Yeah...uh...yeah...thanks Kid." Jason said before slowly walking out of the room and up the stairs.

"Davis should be picking up your Mom right about now." Clay told him before he was out of earshot.

"What was that all about?" Adam asked.

"He's been with Alana since they were younger than Emma and Hannah." Clay reminded him.

"He looks to you. Haven't seen him do that with anyone...not even Ray."

"Haven't seen what?" Emma asked, walking into the kitchen with Hannah.

"Hasn't seen him look to anyone for what to do." Clay told her.

"Clay and Dad kinda share a brain." Emma said with a smile towards Clay.

"Erik mentioned the two of you spent a lot of time together...but Bravo has always been a family."

"Hell yeah we have." Sonny said walking in with Mikey on his back.

"Hi Mr Seaver." Mikey smiled, as Sonny set him down. "Thanks for bringing food." He smiled to Victoria.

"Good to see you." Sonny said giving a quick side hug to Adam.

"Good to see you too Brother."

"Adam was on Bravo when I started." Sonny told him.

"Made the transition to Green Team a few months later." Adam told him as Jason walked back into the kitchen.

"Eat." Emma said as she handed her dad a plate of food...that he quickly set down on the counter as he sat in the stool next to Clay.

"Eat." Clay said to Jason as Emma handed him a plate of his own. Once Clay took a bite Jason picked up his fork and also took one. Bite for bite doing the same thing Clay was until their plates were empty, both ignoring the conversations going on around them as members from Bravo started to arrive. Clay took both his plate and Jason's over to the kitchen sink and set them in, feeling everyone's eyes on him he felt for Jason because he knew that was why. "I am going to go shower, you want to show me where you stashed my bag?" Clay asked, giving the man an out if he wanted it.

"Uh...yeah..." Jason mumbled as he stood up, walking out of the kitchen and up the stairs with Clay following behind.

"How is he doing?" Ray asked Emma and Sonny as the three watched as the two disappeared out of sight.

"He slept last night." Sonny said.

"Had a meltdown with Clay in the garage already this morning...guessing another one will be happening before the two of them both shower." Emma shrugged.

"Did you sleep?" Victoria asked Emma as she walked over and pulled her into a Mom hug.

"Clay stayed with me last night."

"He stayed with you?" Adam asked, looking between Sonny and Ray.

"Yes...and don't be weird. He is family...and he is the same age difference with me as Mikey and I are." Emma said, rolling her eyes at her best friends Dad.

"He keeps a bag here?" Adam asked.

"After the crash...he would...he would stay with Mr. Hayes...he can calm him down in like half a second...its kinda crazy." Hannah told her Dad.

"Kid can also push his button's like that was his sole purpose in life." Sonny smirked. "He can read Jace like a book and will say what he is thinking before he has time to say it himself."

"He also reminds him how to be human." Erik smiled sadly, "When Jason was in the hospital he would allow Clay to comfort him."

"Don't have to justify to me...I trained the Kid and took him with me to California after Brian was killed...I know how he can get to you." Adam reminded them.

"Davis just said she was headed this way with Linda." Sonny announced.

"Alright Boys...time for us to head out. We will be back with dinner." Erik told everyone as the parade of Bravo rifled Mikey's hair and squeezed Emma's shoulder as they walked to the door.

"We will head out too. Call us if you need anything." Adam said.

"I am working with Naima on the arrangements." Victoria told Emma before hugging her again.

Once it was only her, Mikey, Sonny and Ray left in the kitchen she put her head down on the counter. "Do you think Dad will let Gramma in?"

"I don't know Kiddo, but even if he doesn't he has us." Ray told her as he started to load the dishwasher.

* * *

"Mrs. Hayes?" Lisa asked as Jason's mom exited the airport.

"You must be my ride." She smiled, easy to see she the relation.

"Yes. Petty Officer Davis. It's a pleasure to meet you, although I wish it were under better circumstances."

"I'm a civilian, Petty Officer Davis. Do you mind if I call you by your first name?"

"Not at all. It's Lisa."

"And my name is Linda, not ma'am."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Lisa how's my son?" She asked

"He's not great. But we've got him. All of us. We're here for him."

"What does that look like exactly?" She asked, knowing her son's moods well enough, her and Alana spoke near daily.

"He is leaning on Clay and Sonny...two are watching out for him and the kids."

"And Ray?"

"He met him at the hospital. Had Clay and Sonny tell Emma and Mikey."

"Did they go to the hospital?"

"Clay brought Emma."

"Clay is the one my son refers to as The Kid?" She asked.

"Yes Ma'am." Lisa answered.

"What happened that made him get under Jason's skin?"

"Well, you can judge for yourself...but between you and me...they share the same personality."

"That so?"

"Yes Ma'am. Never seen anything like it, in all the time that I have known Jason he has never let anyone in like he has Clay."

"Lisa how close are my grandchildren to my son's team."

"Bravo is family." Lisa told her, "Clay and Emma are especially close."

"How old is Clay?"

"Ten years older than Emma."

"Alana said he was a part of their family...since the crash...said that when he was around Jason acted how he did when they were younger."

"I didn't know Jason then...but he does act different. Like I said, Bravo is family so they are naturally very close but he is different with Clay."

"I expect Clay and the others are protective of my son as well?"

"Yes Ma'am."

"Know when to push and when to let things slide?"

"Yes."

"Do they all know I am coming?"

"Yes. I think only Sonny and Clay will be there when we arrive. The others came for breakfast but I think Commander Blackburn was going to put them to work."

"How are my grandchildren?"

"Mikey is scared...has been sticking pretty close to Sonny and wants to make sure Jason and Emma are okay...told Ray that he grew up when his Mom died...and Emma has been pretty upset, from what I have been told this morning she didn't sleep very well last night and every time Clay tried to leave she would wake up crying."

"That was how she was as a baby. Wouldn't sleep in her own bed until she was over a year old." Linda told Lisa, "I am thankful that they have you all, but Bravo won't be around forever and they need to get used to not having them around."

"Yes Ma'am. I will make sure the boys go home tonight."

"If my son or granddaughter needs them they are fine to stay."

"Okay?"

"This is going to be the hardest thing Jason has ever and will ever go through and my son is stubborn and only knows his way and his way will not work here...he cannot fix this...he cannot bring back Alana." Linda said as tears formed in her eyes.

"We are here for you too." Lisa said as she pulled into the driveway.

"I appreciate that." Linda said as she got out of the car and walked toward the house.

* * *

As she entered she saw Emma and Mikey sitting with Sonny in the kitchen, Ray putting away the dishes. "Gramma!" Mikey ran over and nearly plowed her over as he crashed into her with a giant hug.

Emma was slower to get up and put her hand on Sonny's arm as she walked over towards her grandmother before hugging her gently and taking her spot right back next to Sonny, where he put his arm around her. "Good to see you Linda." Sonny smiled as she walked into the kitchen, Mikey still attached to her side.

"Sonny." She smiled before looking over at Ray, "How are you holding up Ray?" She asked.

"I am holding in." Ray said walking over and hugging his best friends mother.

"How about you Sonny?" She asked, his shrug all the answer she needed. "Where are Jason and Clay?"

"Upstairs." The four answered in unison.

"There something I should know?"

"Jace needed an out. Clay gave it to him. Said they were going to shower but haven't heard the water turn on yet." Sonny said, looking at Emma and seeing her eyes fill with tears he squeezed her tighter into his side.

"This is hard for Clay too...just like it is for Sonny and Ray...they loved our Mom." Emma told Linda.

"I know Honey." She said coming over and pulling her granddaughter into her, the same way that Jason held her...the same way that Clay had held her and Sonny laughed.

"What's so funny?" Emma asked as she cocked an eyebrow at the older man.

"The way that she is holding you...Jason...Clay..." Sonny said as his laughter turned to tears. "She is holding you the same way..."

"I think Sonny might have lost his damn mind." Lisa shook her head, walking towards him, but Ray holding her back.

Linda kissed the top of Emma's head before moving over and wrapping Sonny into her told and leaning her lips onto his forehead, "Its the same way my parents held me and their parents held them."

"Makes you feel safe." Sonny mumbled.

"We are going to get through this. I promise you that. But I need you to promise me something too."

"Anything." Sonny and Ray said at the same time.

"Promise me you will push my son. Make him lean into this. He cannot run or skip to another mission. Promise me you will push him."

"Yes Ma'am."

"That means pushing yourselves too. When you get called up again...and you will...I need you to promise me you will look out for each other."

"Dad can't get called back up." Mikey said. "We don't have Mom to stay with us anymore."

"I am old enough that I can stay with you." Emma said, looking around at the people in the room, "Dad is going to get called up...and he will go...it will be his escape."

"I will be staying here for a while Mikey." Linda said, "But Emma is right, she is an adult."

"She isn't a grown up...she is still in high school." Mikey argued.

"Next year she will be going to college...and some of her friends will be going to college and some will be joining the military." Linda told him.

"So next year I am going to be all alone?" Mikey asked, horriffied. "Dad will be gone with Bravo and Emma will be at college and I will be here by myself?" He said as tears streamed down his cheeks.

"One day at a time Buddy. But no we won't let you be alone. Aunt Naima will be here and your Grandma Linda..." Ray said.

"We will come up with a plan. Okay Mikey? We won't just leave you." Emma promised her little brother as she saw her college future fade from her vision.

"But you will be at college."

"I can go to one close to here."

"This isn't a conversation that has to happen now." Linda said putting a stop to the conversation. "Why don't the five of you run to the florist and pick out flowers for the funeral and get them ordered."

"Yes Ma'am." Sonny, Ray and Lisa said together.

"Go. And stop calling me Ma'am." Linda smiled at them.

"What are you going to do?" Emma asked.

"I am going to talk to my son." She told them.

* * *

"I can't do this." Jason said, dropping down onto the floor in the hallway outside of the bathroom. Clay sat down next to him but didn't say anything. He didn't have anything to say that would help him find a way forward...because he didn't see a way either...he knew one would come but he couldn't see it. "I can't do this Clay...I can't...I can't do this..." Jason said as he started to hyperventilate.

"You've gotta breathe Jace. If you don't do anything else...right now just breathe." Clay said as he saw the tears pouring from Jason's eyes.

"I...I...can't...breathe..."

Clay pulled Jason into him and held him as he cried. Clay's only measure of time was hearing people leave...and then hearing Lisa and Linda arrive. He just held the man he saw as his father figure, someone to look up to, the one person who showed him what love and a family were. He held him as the man cried, feeling useless to take the pain away and doing what he could to help absorb some of the darkness.

The sight that Linda found as she climbed the stairs in her son's home was not one that she expected. Holes punched and kicked into the walls, picture frames smashed...that was what she had pictured in her mind...the anger. Seeing her son crying into another man's arms on the floor of the hallway was not an image she ever thought she would see.

She stood their watching as Clay held her son's head into his chest, smiling to see what Sonny had been talking about...clear that her son had comforted him from whatever horrors they had been through in the last year. Alana was always the one who called and gave updates to her, Jason staying on the line only long enough to say that he loved and missed her. Always rushing off to the next thing. Jason had always been that way though, even as a child. This...this...crying on the floor in a younger man's arms...was new and she saw in that first few minutes why Emma trusted him so deeply, why Alana had accepted him as a part of their family.

"Hi Baby." Linda said, sitting down next to the two and putting a hand on each of their shoulders before kissing them both on the cheek. Surprised again to find not only her son's cheek wet from tears but to also find Clay's. Alana had told her that Clay brought out the vulnerable side of her husband, that he allowed him to grieve the loss of Nate, but this was so much deeper.

"Ma...mmmoomm" Jason sobbed, trying to regulate his breathing. "Alana...she's gone."

"I know Baby." Linda said.

"It hurts." Jason cried, looking up to her.

Linda looked to Clay and allowed her own tears to fall along side theirs, "It does hurt." She told him, her heart breaking as he started to sob, gripping to Clay's shirt as he buried his face into the younger man's chest. Clay holding Jason tighter to him and resting his lips in his messy hair that was now damp from the tears from his own eyes.

As Jason calmed down he fell asleep into Clay's chest, and when his head slid down into his arm Clay finally looked up to Linda who had been holding him, stroking his neck as he held her son. "I've got him." Clay told her.

"I can see that." She said, with a sad smile. "Have the kids seen him like this?"

"Emma saw him at the hospital." Clay told her, "Other than that...mask on."

"What about Mikey?"

"No."

"He act like this with the rest of Bravo?"

"No." Clay told her.

"Can you get him into a bed without waking him?"

"Yes Ma'am."

"Okay then." Linda said, standing up. She watched in amazement as Clay whispered something in Jason's ear before standing up with the man before leading him into Emma's room and laying him down on the bed. Clay sitting down next to him and Jason instantly reaching for him when he no longer felt his touch. "Do you have to stay with him for him to sleep?"

"Depends." Clay told her.

"On what?"

Clay looked down at Jason for a minute before looking back at Linda, "After the crash...my voice was the only one that got through...part of that was him seeing me in himself...with the concussion...when it triggered his PTSD..." Clay stopped and looked back at Jason, wondering how much would be okay to tell.

"Alana and I spoke everyday, Son, I know what it was like from her perspective." She said, impressed with the fact that he was trying to protect her son enough to share with her what she needed to know but not betray his trust. "I know you and Sonny stayed here a few nights...or he stayed with the two of you at your apartment...and that he pushed Ray as far away as he could because that man has always been able to read him like a book."

"If he knows he is safe he will sleep...if he doesn't feel safe he wont." Clay finally answered.

"So right now?"

"Until the others get back and he knows it is you and I here he will sleep."

"Then come with me." She said, walking back out into the hallway, stepping just out of view.

"I will be close. You are safe. I've got you." Clay told him as he draped a blanket over his shoulders.

"Lana's gone." Jason mumbled as Clay stood up.

"I know." Clay told him, "We've got you."

"Scared." Jason said, once again reaching for Clay.

"I know." He said, sitting back down, "I am going to go talk to Linda while you rest."

"Kids?"

"They are with Ray, Sonny and Davis." Clay told him and with a slight nod Clay felt Jason's arm relax against him as he quickly fell asleep. "I've got you Jace...Promise you that." He said before standing up and walking out into the hallway where Linda wrapped him in a tight hug, holding him until he felt his own tears begin to fall again.

"I've got you Clay." She said to him as she guided them both back to the floor where she held him, the same way that he had just been holding Jason. "You are family." She told Clay when he calmed down and that short sentence was enough to make the tears fall even harder as he held onto her. "Alana told me about your parents." She said, "The day that Jason decided you were his family the rest of us saw the change too."

"Why did it have to be her?" Clay asked, "She had Jason...and Emma and Mikey...why did it have to be her?"

"It was just her time." Linda said, "She knew that if anything happened to her or Jason that the kids would be safe with you and Sonny."

"I can't take away their pain."

"You don't need to Baby, you help them lean into it. They know their hearts are safe with you...and yours with theirs."

"I'm sorry for falling apart." Clay said as he sat up a few minutes later.

Linda reached over and grabbed both of his hands, "Clay you listen to me, and you listen good. You are so loved. Do you hear me? So loved." She told him, "My son...and my granddaughter...they do not let people in. Never have. And yet they let you in and it is so clear to me why it was so easy for them. It was different for Alana and Mikey...those two love the world and anyone who is close to anyone they are close to...they will let in. Jason and Emma though...fighting spirits in them. Jason sees you as his son. Emma sees you as a brother...closer than a brother really. With everything that will happen in the next few weeks...I need you to remember that you are loved and you are very much a part of this family."

"Yes Ma'am."

"Gramma. Not Ma'am." Linda told him.

"While he is sleeping why don't you go and shower, I assume you know where your things are and that was just an excuse to give Jason an out."

"That obvious?"

"To Emma it was."

"How long are you going to be here?"

"I will eventually be moving back out here. My son doesn't know how to quit and he will choose his kids...but if I know Emma...and I do...she will not let him leave the teams. Someone will need to be here for Mikey."

"You haven't talked to them about that?"

"Alana and I did. Ray and Naima are aware...after Nate was killed she updated their living will." She told him, "Now, go shower before everyone gets back. Naima will be coming over along with the rest of Bravo to discuss the funeral."

* * *

When Clay came out of the shower he could hear talking downstairs and went into Emma's room to check on Jason. Finding him awake, laying on his back staring up at the ceiling Clay laid down next to him. "I can't do this...I can't bury her." Jason told Clay.

"Bravo can take over." Clay told him.

"It should be me."

"World doesn't revolve around you."

"Alana was my world." Jason said, "And I screwed it up...I did it all wrong...things with Alana...with Ray..."

"Bravo is going to be back soon and we are going to go over the plans. Do you want to get out of here for a little while?"

"Can we?"

"Yes."

"Then yes." Jason said sitting up.

Clay led the way downstairs and seeing Linda on the phone he whispered, "We are going for a drive. Let us know when the planning is over and Stella and I can help with whatever." Linda gave the two a look before nodding and they disappeared out the door.

Once they were in the truck, Clay in the driver seat he looked over to Jason. "Head to DC. Lincoln Memorial." Jason told him.

"That is like four hours away." Clay said, "Kinda meant lets go grab lunch...maybe a drink..."

"Please...I can't bury her and everyone coming over...I just can't do it."

"Okay." Clay said finally, but not before texting Emma where they were going.

* * *

"Clay is taking Dad to DC." Emma mumbled as she looked at her phone.

"What the Hell for?" Sonny asked.

"Lincoln Memorial." Ray answered.

"How do you know that?" Emma asked.

"Know your Dad." Ray said, "He needs to watch the sunset."

"That is where you guys disappeared to after Grandpa?" Emma asked.

"Yes." Ray answered.

"Gramma wants us all to meet back at the house to plan the funeral."

"That what prompted their little excursion?" Lisa asked.

"My guess." Sonny said, leaning his head against the window.

"Aunt Naima and Gramma have been talking haven't they?"

"Yes...which is why we just picked out the flowers."

"Why do I have to do this stuff?" Mikey asked.

"Because it is for Mom." Emma glared.

"I don't want to do this." He said, his voice wavering. Sometimes it was easy to forget he wasn't even ten yet.

"When we get home why don't you and Sonny play a couple rounds of that new racing game you got while the rest of us do the planning?"

"Peachy." Sonny said, closing his eyes and trying to push down the emotion that felt so heavy on his chest.

* * *

Jason and Clay arrived in DC around dinner time and Jason directed him to his favorite diner, not too far from the FBI Building. Once they were parked the two filled up on burgers and fries before walking down the National Mall to the Lincoln Memorial as the sun was beginning to set. "You going to explain to me why we are here and not in Virginia Beach?"

"Last time I was here was with Ray." Jason said, his voice cracking, "After my Dad."

"It help then?" Clay asked as the two sat down at the top of the steps, looking out over the pond.

"Yes."

"It helping now?"

"No."

"What would help?"

"I don't know."

"You know your Mom told me to call her Gramma?" Clay said, leaning into Jason's shoulder. "Said I was loved and told me to call her Gramma and not Ma'am."

"She sees it too." Jason smiled, turning his head to look at Clay.

"Jace...I..."

"You can say it." Jason told him with tears in his eyes.

"I am sorry." Clay said as he felt a tear slide from his own eye.

Thankful that the monument was near deserted Jason leaned back against the wall and put his arm around Clay, pulling him in, "When you say it I know it is real...you feel it...other people say it because they don't know what else to say...but you...fuck...you told Emma and Mikey that their Mom was dead so they didn't have to hear it from anyone else...you brought Emma to say goodbye...you have...you have been my rock since...since the fucking crash and I don't know where I would be if it weren't for you..." As Jason went on Clay leaned into him, neither man sure who was comforting who.

The two sat as light turned to dark and dark began turning back to light. "We need to get back." Jason finally said and the two stood up, walking back towards Hoover going by the MLK Monument, seeing the quote, 'Out of the mountain of despair, a stone of hope.'

"We will find it Jace." Clay told the man as he bent forward, putting his hands on his knees.

Standing back up Jason looked at him, "How are you so sure?"

"We are a family. We will find a way."

"How many times have you messaged Emma since we got here?"

"She was checking in every hour or so until around two. Was going to let her know when we get back on the road."

"Since the crash...the two of you have been very close." Jason said as he climbed into the driver seat of his truck.

"We have."

"She tells you things before she tells me or Alana."

"Sometimes."

"Promise me that whatever happens...Emma needs you."

"I'm not going anywhere Jace."

"Whatever happens with you and Stella..."

"Jason. I am not going anywhere. You guys are my family."

"Good." Jason smiled, "Just wanted to hear you say it."

"You sure you are good to drive?"

"Been up a hell of a lot longer than this Kid. I am good."

"You sure? Because I can drive if you need." Clay said with a yawn.

"I'm sure. You sleep." Jason said as he reached over and put his hand on Clay's shoulder as he merged onto the freeway. Clay's head bobbing before they even reached the next exit.

Not even ten minutes later Jason got a call from Ray, "Need something?" Jason answered.

"You better be on your way back."

"Just got on the freeway."

"Kid sleepin?"

"Yeah."

"Stayed til sunrise this time?"

"Didn't help."

"Did you really think it would or were you just runnin?"

"Kid asked if I wanted to go for a drive."

"Doubt DC was what he had in mind."

"I don't know how to do this Ray."

"Running won't change that."

"Knew the kids were safe and I wasn't alone."

"Your kids need you Jace."

"The Kids need to know I am okay and I'm not." Jason said, his voice cracking and he immediately felt Clay's hand on his that was still holding his shoulder.

"Hey Ray." Clay said, "We will be back soon. There anything I can have Stella do?"

"Naima already called her, she has a list of people she is calling to help get stuff covered for the wake tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Jason asked.

"Funeral is the day after tomorrow Brother."

"I need to...I can't...fuck!" Jason mumbled.

"Ray we will see you when you get back." Clay said before reaching over and hitting the end button on the steering wheel.

"Clay?"

"Right here with you Jace. Focus on the road... right now focus on breathing and the road."

"I can't bury her."

"Why don't you pull off here." Clay said pointing to the rest stop and Jason did.

Five minutes later the two were on the road again, this time with him driving and before they were even on the freeway Jason was fast asleep.

As they reached Little Creek Clay turned to look at Jason, who was asleep, and he drove to his apartment. Leaving Jason in the truck he took the key inside with him to find Stella.

"Dawn? Hi. Uh, my name is Stella. I'm Clay's girlfriend. Naima asked me to call for Jason and his family." She said as she looked up at him as he walked into the small apartment. "Well, actually, they'll need, uh, meals and groceries. If Oh, if you could, that would be great. Yeah, I'm actually gonna send a schedule out, if that's all right. Oh, okay, good. Thank you. Thank you, Dawn. All right. Okay, bye." When she hung up she looked to Clay again, "Only 14 more to go."

"Hey. I'm sorry you had to do this. I just I didn't want to say no."

"It's okay. It's just a little weird. Hi. I'm Stella. We've never actually met, but, um, Alana died. Can you bring a casserole?"

"Just make sure someone brings that one with the green beans and the little onions, Campbell's soup."

"Okay."

"And, uh, and beer. Lots of beer."

"Okay, so the exact casserole everyone's grandma made." Stella smiled at her boyfriend, "And beer."

"But none...none of that none of that fancy microbrew crap, okay?"

"None of the fancy microbrew crap. Got it. How do you how do you do this?"

"Hmm?" Clay said as he absentmindedly looked around in his kitchen.

"Just how do you deal with death all the time? I mean, I get that Team guys are supposed to run towards the bullets and all that, but still."

"Yeah, I've never dealt with this when it had to do with someone's wife...We don't do this. I can't even imagine."

"Where were you last night?"

"In DC." Clay answered. "Jason needed to get out...he is uh...he is sleeping down in the truck..."

"God Clay!" She said, "Why did you leave him down there?" She asked.

"I didn't want to wake him up."

"What were you doing in.." She asked, stopping mid sentence as a haggard looking Jason let himself into the apartment where he wandered into the bedroom and laid down on a diagonal across the bed. "Uhhh..."

"We were watching the sunset...then the sunrise..." Clay told her. "Lincoln Memorial."

"Why there? Wait...nevermind...it doesn't matter...have you slept?"

"Few minutes." Clay answered.

"Go lay down. I can let them know you are back in town and will be over after you sleep." She said leaning up to kiss Clay.

"Thank you...for doing this..." Clay mumbled, "I will call Emma though."

Walking into the bedroom he face timed Emma, "You are at your apartment." She said. "Where is...?" Clay flipped the camera around to show Jason passed out on his bed. "Sonny stayed with Mikey again last night. We are going to...pretty much everyone from Bravo is back here again."

"We will head over when he wakes up."

"Will you sleep too?"

"Yeah. You okay?" He asked as he laid down on the bed, throwing an arm out over Jason's back.

"No...but better knowing you are back."

"Want me to come now?" Clay asked her.

"No. Get some sleep. You look horrendous."

"You try staying awake all night sitting on marble steps."

"We are lucky to have you." Emma smiled sadly, "Get some sleep." She said quietly as her view of Clay's face slid down and she knew he was asleep. "Love you."

Stella walked into the room and pulled his phone from his hand, "We will see you soon. Call my phone if you need anything."

"Hey Stella?" Emma asked, "Can you...can you tuck them in for me?"

"Sure thing." Stella smiled, showing her the two now snuggled in the blankets.


	15. Chapter 15

Jason and Clay slept most of the day away, Clay waking up around two, surprised that Jason was still out. He got up and finding his phone missing he looked out to the kitchen where he saw Stella waving it at him. Slowly crawling out of bed he walked over to her and wrapped her in a hug before taking the phone. "Emma has been checking in every hour."

Clay smiled as he took his phone from Stella and sent Emma a text saying he was going to shower and Jason was still sleeping. "That isn't weird to you?"

He just shrugged, "I am going to shower then we will go back to the house."

"Do you want me to go help or..."

"Yes." Clay smiled at her, "But I may be..."

"You take care of Jason and Emma...I know." Stella smiled.

"Go shower before he wakes up."

"You can ride with us in the truck. Can drive my car back here...I won't need it until after the wake."

"Moving in?"

"Stella..."

"I was going to pack your bag...nice clothes for the wake...suit for the funeral...I'm guessing you won't be coming home until after all of that is done..."

"Thank you." Clay said, expecting the conversation to go an entirely different direction.

"I know they are your family." She said, "Now seriously...go shower. I will get your stuff together."

* * *

"Where the Hell is your father?" Linda asked Emma as the two finished putting away the dishes from lunch.

"Dad is still asleep. Clay is getting in the shower, then the three of them will be coming over here." Emma smirked, it wasn't often she saw her Gramma this antsy. "He is okay with Clay."

"It is Clay that I want to make sure is okay." She mumbled back.

"Oh." Emma smiled, "He will be fine."

"You have a lot of faith in him."

"I guess." Emma said with a smirk as she looked over at Lisa and Erik and saw them looking right back at her, "Clay is the strongest person I have ever met...stronger than Dad."

"Stronger than your Dad?" Linda asked.

"Dad sees it too. That is why goes to him." Emma said loud enough for everyone to hear. "He knows that Clay can handle whatever gets thrown at him...and when things get too much he knows that Clay will go to either him or Sonny...he doesn't shut off."

"Has shown the other guys that it is okay not to shut off." Erik smiled to Linda.

"If Ray or Sonny were worried we wouldn't have let them go to DC last night." Lisa said.

"He needs to face this." Linda said with tears in her eyes.

"He will. Clay will get him there...no other soul on earth can get through to him like Clay does...not even Mom." Emma said. "And I am worried about them too...but he is checking in just like he promised."

* * *

"Sonny why did Dad and Clay leave last night?"

"Because he is scared."

"Why did Clay let him go?"

"Because sometimes it is okay to push and sometimes you need to step back to breathe before you can move forward."

"Like when you are climbing a mountain?"

"Exactly like climbing a mountain."

"So when they come back Dad will be ready?"

"I don't know that ready is the right word...Alana...your Mom was Jason's...your Dad's best friend since they were only a few years older than you are now."

"So Dad is really sad?"

"Sad...scared...lonely...angry..."

"Pretty much all the bad emotions."

"Pretty much."

"Sonny?"

"Yeah Bud?"

"Thank you for not talking to me like a little kid."

* * *

When Clay and Stella walked in the house sans Jason they could see the panic in everyone's eyes, "Chill guys...he is just checking the mail." Clay told them, "And don't fucking push him."

"Clay! Language." Emma said, hitting him on the chest before wrapping him in the tightest hug she could and burying her face into his chest...it wasn't like him to talk like that.

Clay picked up Emma and she wrapped her legs around his waist and buried her head in his neck as he walked the rest of the way into the kitchen, Lisa pulling out a chair for him to sit down in. Breathing him in Emma felt like she could relax for the first time since they had left and Clay felt that same relief being close to her. Somehow in the last year they had become each other's safety net, something that the team saw but weren't sure if Clay and Emma quite realized it.

"Mikey!" Jason yelled up the stairs, "Sonny! Come help me put the oil pan back in the car."

"Your car Jason?" Linda asked, walking over to her son and pulling him into a hug.

"Yes. My car. Me and Mikey's project. Unless there is something here I need to do...I want to be doing something." He said, looking over to Clay who nodded.

As soon as Sonny and Mikey were downstairs the three disappeared into the garage. "His brain works the same was as his fathers." Linda shook her head.

"We have everything covered...until the wake tomorrow morning there really isn't anything Jason needs to be doing." Ray reminded her.

When Linda noticed her granddaughters arm slide down Clay's she walked over to him, and pulled her hair away from her face, not surprised to find her fast asleep wrapped in Clay's strong arms. "I took her phone...thought it might help her sleep last night...but she pulled out her laptop instead...turned on that wizard movie around two and relaxed but she didn't sleep I don't think."

"Sonny said she came in and tucked them in around four." Lisa told him, "They fell asleep playing the game."

"She didn't sleep at all then...because she was up and in the shower at half past five." Linda sighed.

"She looks relaxed now." Stella smiled at her boyfriend as he held Emma into him, thinking that someday he would make an amazing father.

"What does Jason need to do before...?" Clay asked, his focus on Emma broken.

"We need to pick a dress for Alana and he needs to figure out what he is going to say at the funeral."

"That's it?"

"That's it."

"Okay." Clay said lifting Emma as he stood and carrying her up the stairs without another word.

"Blackburn how long is Bravo out of the game?" Ray asked.

"Officially? Tomorrow." Erik answered.

"The funeral isn't for three more days." Lisa said.

"I know. Harrington is working on that. With what is going on in Mumbai..." He stopped himself as he looked over at Linda.

"My Son has been a SEAL his entire adult life. His father before him. You do not need to watch what you say around me." Linda shrugged. "Grace and Robert on the other hand...they haven't even had the decency to check in on their grandchildren."

* * *

"What is it like to die?" Mikey asked as he was underneath the car.

"What?" Jason asked.

"What is it like to die?" He asked again, scooting himself out from under and sitting up.

"I don't know...I haven't died." Jason snapped.

"But you came close...last year in the crash...what was it like?"

"Like a movie." Jason said, "It was like a movie. Okay?"

"What do you think it is like?" Sonny asked.

"I think it is like in Hook when they are imagining the food and he finally remembers what imagining feels like and then he can just fly...and be free and not hurt anymore."

"Your Mom wasn't hurting."

"I think she was. She was scared that you were going to die and she was sad that you didn't talk to her after Nate died and she wanted you to talk to her...she was less sad when she saw you talking to Clay after the crash though...but she was hurting." Mikey told him.

Sonny was watching Jason's reaction and before the man punched something he interjected, "Hey Jace why don't you go get showered...Mikey and I can finish with this here oil pan."

Jason looked up at Sonny before turning on his heals and slamming his way out of the garage and into the house. "Did I say something bad?" Mikey asked as he started crying.

"No Buddy. He is just really sad right now and what you said he knows was right and it just reminded him he misses your Momma."

* * *

"Fuck." Jason yelled as soon as he was out of the garage. Kicking a laundry basket he yelled it again before looking up to see multiple eyes on him. "Fuck!" He yelled again.

"Clay and Emma are upstairs Brother, why don't you shower and find them." Ray said with pursed lips, the only one who dared to say anything. Jason squeezed the mans shoulder as he walked past and as soon as he was out of the kitchen Ray went out to the garage to check on Sonny and Mikey. He knew that Jason's blow up would have scared his son and that was part of why the man was so angry. Ray couldn't help but think of how lucky they all were that Clay had joined Bravo because he knew that the man was safe with him and would seek him out on his own.

* * *

Rather than going to the bathroom to shower Jason went, greasy hands and all right into Emma's room where he paced back and forth at the end of the bed. "Mikey knew...he knew why Alana and I separated...he said she was in pain...that now that she is dead the pain is gone." Jason mumbled, running his dirty hands through his hair and waking up Emma with his anxious rambling.

Looking down at Emma, Clay saw that her eyes were open, "Jace you fucking need a shower Man."

"Alana was in pain...it was my fault...all of this is my fault...It should have been me..."

"Help him. I will stay here." Emma mumbled to Clay.

He got up and led Jason into the bathroom where he told Jason step by step what to do to get him into the shower. As soon as the water hit his back he crumpled to the floor of the tub sobbing. Pulling the shower curtain back and grabbing the shower head hose down he kept the warm water on him but out of his face, "Gotta breathe Jace."

When Jason began rocking back and forth Clay grabbed the bottle of shampoo and began washing the mans hair.

Hearing the commotion Linda went upstairs and stuck her head in the bathroom asking, "Jason are you..." What she saw made her freeze in her tracks. Clay bent over the edge of the tub rubbing shampoo onto her sons head, holding his cheek with one hand and massaging his hair with the other as Jason gripped his arm as if it were his lifeline.

Clay looked over his shoulder to see Linda and as a tear fell from her eye she smiled sadly to him before shutting the door and leaving the two alone in the bathroom. As Clay rinsed the soap from the older man's head he started to calm down. "So help me Jason...there is no one else on the planet I would do this for."

"Sonny." Jason told him when he opened his eyes, looking at the younger man. "You would for Sonny."

"Okay...maybe Sonny...but there would be liquor involved if it were with him." Clay smiled.

Jason smiled. Clay laughed. Jason laughed. "I am a mess."

"Just finish your shower would you." Clay said as he stood back up and moved over to the bathroom counter.

"How many times has your shower been your safe place to break down?" Jason asked as he shut off the water.

"Enough."

"You ever need someone to help you...uh..."

"Sonny had to walk me through how to do...but no."

"Why didn't you leave me?"

"Because you wouldn't have left me."

"Emma didn't sleep last night did she?"

"No."

"She was asleep until I went in there."

"Yes."

"When we get called up..."

"Jason you need to put in for leave...stay with Emma and Mikey...at least for a couple weeks."

"I can't leave Bravo."

"For a couple weeks, bring Ray back...have Adam step in...we can manage."

"If only you knew how much that scared me...you wouldn't be asking."

"Jason your kids need you more than we do."

"I need you."

"You are delusional." Clay said, squeezing Jason's shoulder as he passed him a fresh shirt that he was sure Linda set on the counter when they weren't paying attention.

"Will you make sure Emma is okay?"

"You can go with me."

"All I do is screw up."

"Again...delusional." Clay said as he pushed him out the door once he was dressed.

"Daddy?" Emma whispered as they walked in.

"I am okay." Jason said as he walked in and sat on her bed.

"No you aren't. But it is cute that you are trying to protect me."

"I am going to go downstairs with..." Clay tried to tell them.

"No!" They both said, cutting him off.

"Clay...please no." Emma said as her eyes filled with tears.

"Stop crying...please..." Clay begged her as he sat down on the bed, her quickly pulling him into her, running her fingers through his messy blonde hair and holding him the same way he had held her in the last couple days, she knew he was at his limit and that was why he wanted to go.

"Helping Dad was your max." Emma whispered as she wiped a tear from her own eye as Clay gave a small nod. "I love you both...you can see that...right?" Emma said, looking between her dad and Clay. "Losing Mom sucks...but we have to figure out a way to make it through the next three days...we are going to have everyone's eyes on us...not just Bravos."

"I don't know how." Jason said and Clay reached his arm over and pulled Jason into him.

"That is why we are making a plan...that is what you do when you get sent on missions isn't it?" When she earned two nods, "Okay then...tomorrow. The wake. Dad your escape is the garage. You need a break you go there. Keys to all vehicles will be locked in here. No running away."

"Okay." Jason said.

"And you...you will be the buffer between the random well wishers and my Dad. Get the stupid part out of the way so all dad has to do is thank them for coming...when he is done either Ray or Sonny will come and take him to the next person you find."

"What about your brother?" Jason asked.

"He will stick with Gramma or Sonny."

"If something happens?" Clay asked.

"Then I will improvise." Emma smiled.

"The funeral?" Clay asked.

"Is in a church and scripted. I will sing. Grandparents will talk about her childhood. Naima and Victoria are going to share stories. The burial is when you will talk Dad."

"I don't know what to say."

"Well you have three days to think about it." Emma told him.

* * *

By the time the three emerged from Emma's bedroom there was an obscene amount of pizza piled on the kitchen island as Bravo gathered around. Everyone acted as normal, taking their lead from Jason who was doing his best to shut out his pain and just enjoy his time with his family and his brothers. Brock, Sonny, Mikey and Cerberus even taking the football outside and throwing it around in an impromptu game that had no actual rules.

Lisa took Sonny home, despite his protests...she knew the man needed to go home and shower at the very least. But also wanted Jason and his family to have time as a family...and they knew Linda and Clay had the home front covered.

As Clay and Emma finished putting away the final dishes as Linda made sure the rest of the house was clean Jason and Mikey were up in his room playing video games. "Clay are you going to stay here again tonight?" Emma asked him.

"Do you want me to?"

"Yeah...but it is selfish." Emma told him as she jumped up to sit on the counter.

"Talk to me." Clay said as he rest his elbows on the counter next to her.

"I am safe with you...but I know you aren't going to be able to be here all the time...what is happening in Mumbai...I have seen the news...heard you guys talking...you are going to get spun up and then you will be gone for who knows how long and I...it scares me."

"Scares you that your Dad might go?"

"Dad...you...Sonny...everyone."

"We have been sent out before and you haven't said anything."

"Not to you." Emma said, looking over at him with tears in her eyes. "It is hard for me to talk about this stuff...but I can talk to you...but then you will be gone...what will happen when...?"

"I will check in as often as I can. You need to talk to your Dad. I told him to put in for leave...at least for a few weeks."

"He won't pick us over the team."

"Maybe not before...but with your mom gone...the idea is planted."

"I need you to be okay too though." Emma said as she blinked a tear from her eye, it landing on Clay's arm and he looked up at her. "Clay I can't lose you."

"Hey." Clay said, standing up and moving over and pulling her into a hug. "One day at a time...right? We will find a way to get through."

"I am still scared."

"I know."

"I told you it was selfish."

"I need you too." Clay whispered into her ear and she hugged him tighter, "It isn't selfish."

"Clay, in the morning I need you to run to the funeral home and pick up some things for Jason." Linda said walking into the kitchen and putting her hand on his back.

"Okay." Clay told her. "I was going to go home for a few hours tomorrow after the wake to go over the final details with Stella and Naima as long as everything is okay here."

"You will come back though?" Mikey asked, walking in with Jason.

"Going somewhere?" Jason asked.

"Figuring out the plan for tomorrow." Clay answered.

"I want you here." Mikey told him. "With Emma and Dad...you have to be here."

"What you all need to do it get some sleep." Linda told them. "Jason why don't you sleep in your bed tonight."

"No. You stay in there. I can bunk with Mikey again." Jason smiled at his son.

"I can stay in with Mikey." Clay said, "Jace you need to sleep tonight."

"No. You are with Emma. I am with Mikey." Jason snapped and no one dared to argue.

"Fine then. No tv's. No phones. No movies. Bed. Sleep. Now." Linda said. As they started to walk away Linda stopped them, "Phones. Hand them to me." She said, holding out her hand.

"If we get a call..." Jason started.

"Erik said you are off through tomorrow. Phones now. Anything important comes through I can come get you."

This time no one argued with her and they all handed over their phones before walking upstairs.

* * *

"Clay..." Emma whispered once they were laying in the bed in the dark and they no longer heard Jason and Mikey talking across the hall.

"Yeah?" He answered back.

"Can I be selfish again?" She asked, scooting up behind Clay and putting her arm around his waist, her other hand reaching up to play with his hair. Emma felt him reach for her hand as he hugged it into his chest, closing his eyes and taking a deep shaky breath. "Tonight let me be the one to hold you?"

Clay didn't remember the last time he had someone hold him, care for him the way that Emma did, to be honest he didn't know if he ever did. His grandparents loved him, but they didn't hold him, coddle him...his dad certainly didn't...and other than hugs hello and goodbye he didn't remember his mother ever holding him either. As the thoughts ran through his mind he felt himself release the emotions that came along with them. "I think I am the selfish one." Clay whispered as he wiped his eyes before grabbing Emma's hand again and hugging her tighter.

"I've got you." She told him and when he felt her kiss his shoulder through his shirt he closed his eyes, just feeling, allowing her fingers in his hair to relax him to sleep.

Jason stood in the doorway watching their exchange as tears slid from his eyes. Alana had done the same for him when they were kids, him sixteen, her twelve. She was the one who pulled him from the water. Saved him. She was always the one to save him...and he saw so much of himself in Clay...and Alana in Emma...he knew neither saw the other in a romantic fashion...but even if they did...to have them both share that level of love and protection for each other he wouldn't care.

"You are suppose to be sleeping." Linda said, walking up behind her son and pulling him away from the door.

"Two of them are like Alana and me."

"A lot of similarities...yes." She agreed.

"When we had her...I said I never wanted her to marry a team guy...but Alana said that was exactly what she would do."

"You planning your daughters wedding now?" Linda asked, "With one of your guys...who happens to have a girlfriend?"

"No." Jason told her, "This is just the first time I have seen what Alana has seen all along."

"Your daughter is a lot like you. Strong. Protective. Stubborn." Linda smiled, "Now would you go in and go to bed before you wake the whole house up?"

"I was almost three years younger than Emma is now when I met Alana." Jason said. "I don't know how to live without her."

"You will learn."

"He told me to take a leave...to stay with the kids."

"You disagree?"

"They need me too."

"They need you or you need them?" Linda questioned. "Bed. Now." She said as she pushed Jason into Mikey's room, silently tucking him into the bottom bunk, stroking his face as he closed his eyes. She sat in there watching her son sleep, listening for any voices from the other room for nearly an hour before she went downstairs and put herself to bed.

* * *

Ray had breakfast ready at nine the next morning, Trent, Brock, Lisa and Erik all arriving shortly thereafter. Jason was the first to emerge, followed closely by Mikey. Emma and Clay made their way down around ten. By ten thirty when Sonny still hadn't arrived Ray snuck out to the garage to call Naima. He knew the moment was going to come eventually. He wanted to send Clay after him but with how close Emma was sticking to him he decided against it.

"Everything good?" Erik asked him when he came back in. Giving a nod he said, "Just checking in with Naima."

"Woman is a Saint for putting up with you Ray Perry." Jason smiled. Full on mission mask and everyone there saw right though it and Ray was not surprised to see Emma reach out to touch Clay for strength.

* * *

As Sonny lay on the couch with his bottle of whiskey, tears streaming down his face he heard knocking on his door. Softly at first but getting louder the longer he ignored it. "Sonny, it's Naima. Open the door. Open the door, Sonny, or I'm coming in." He finally heard before she let herself in. As he tried to sit up he nearly dropped the bottle before she grabbed it from his hand.

"Damn, Naima." He said, trying to sound angry but the anger was half-hearted.

"Don't start, Sonny...I-I know you're hurting. We all are. And we're all gonna have to deal with it. Right now is about Jason. Get in the shower and get it together." She said in what should have been a well rehearsed rant but was delivered in a weak and shaky voice as she fought tears of her own.

"Yes, ma'am." Sonny said as he stood up, afraid to look at her.

"I'll fix you something to eat to soak up all that booze." She said as a tear slid from her eye.

Sonny turned around and walked towards her and they pulled each other into a tight hug, both crying. "It hurts." Sonny told her and she gripped tighter to his shirt.

"I know." She cried, "Alana was..."

"Why?" Sonny asked.

"We have to get it together...find a way." Naima told him as she pulled back, cupping his cheeks in her hand. "Please go shower. Bravo is already at the house. You now get to go with me to pick out the casket."

"What?"

"We are meeting Clay and Lisa there in an hour."

* * *

After everyone left to run last minute errands and pick up the food Jason was left alone with Emma. He stood in solace on the back porch as she watched the news on the tv that she was so easily able to turn on without help. When he finally walked in he wanted to just cry. Scream. Break everything. "Do you want something to eat?' He asked instead. Emma instead reached forward and shut off the tv and started to cry. "Emma." He said, feeling the tears fall from his own eyes.

"I don't want to eat...I want to find a bat and break every window in the house." As she started to sob she yelled, "I want to break everything I see."

"So do I." Jason choked out as he walked towards her.

"I know."

"It's hard." He said as he sat down on the couch, reaching his arm around her shoulder.

"I miss her."

"Shh." He said, pulling her into him, "I know."

"I miss her."

"So do I." Jason said, holding her tight to his side as she cried, crying with her he tried to tell her, "It's all right."

* * *

By the time Bravo made it back to the house Jason was back to the garage and Emma was walking around checking on everyone else. Makeup and hair perfect.

"Did you hear from Mandy yet?" Emma heard Sonny ask Lisa.

"She's trying to catch a flight." Lisa answered. Mandy...the only one other than Clay that her Dad turned to. She often wondered if the two were more than just friends...but her Mom never questioned it so she didn't either.

"I'd like you to meet Alana's parents." She heard her Grandmother say, "Grace, Robert, this is Victoria, Adam's wife." Of course her grandmother would introduce her grandparents...they didn't know anyone...how could they? They were never around.

"I'm so sorry for your loss." She heard Victoria say as Hannah sat down across from her in the living room.

"Thank you. We're glad you could come." She heard her grandmother say. Right. Like she had a damned clue.

"Alana was like family. Uh, my husband Adam went through BUD/S with Jason. Our girls grew up together." Victoria had to explain...pathetic...having to introduce your parents to their best friends of over two decades...it wasn't right.

"I want out of here. Let's steal some beer, leave." Emma said to Hannah.

"No, I think we should stay here." Hannah told her.

"Here sucks so hard."

"Where is Clay?"

"With Mikey...Sonny had a meltdown so..."

"How is Clay doing?"

"No one is doing good...its impossible. Stella is...she has been amazing...helping with everything...but she isn't going to be around long term...she is too scared."

* * *

"You want to tell me what you're doing out here, when I know you changed that oil pan already?" Ray asked Jason as he pulled the man out from under his car.

"Thought I saw a leak, you know. It was worth a look." He said and Ray saw the tear in the corner of his eye.

"Uh-huh. You do realize everyone is inside, correct?"

"Yeah, yeah. I can I can hear 'em. I got ears. I can hear 'em. I don't want to hear 'em. I don't care about what they have to say. All the "I'm sorrys," you know, "How are you, Jason?" "How's it going?" "Can I get you something?" "Everything okay?" I hear em."

"Okay. You want them to leave?"

"No. They just are here to help, that's all...I don't I handled all this wrong, Ray, you know? Your shoulder, Green Team, I just I handled it all wrong."

"Maybe you didn't. Maybe you were right. Someone did die."

"Yeah. Someone died. It's war. Maybe I took it personally, I don't know." Jason said looking towards his best friend, "You know, the thing is, Ray, you know, I count on you more than anyone on this team. But Alana dying, I just I don't..."

"Hey. It's done. It's in the past." Ray told him...whatever anger he had ever held was long gone the moment he saw Jason in the hallway of the hospital.

"Ray I can't bury her. You know, when something like this happens to us, you know, the Navy, they just take care of it. Can't do it."

"It's fine, brother." Ray told him, "Hey. The team has this. We got this, Jason." Wanting to hug them man but knowing Jason needed his space he stayed back.

"If it had been Clay to come out here..."

"Today you have me. Tonight...we will get you through this."

* * *

"Thank God for the deli. Storm J-bad, no problem. Put me in the kitchen, and I'm useless." Erik said as he carried a box of sandwhiches into the kitchen.

"You catch the news? See what's going on in Mumbai?"

"Yeah. Looks like it's escalating."

"Yeah, we're probably gonna get spun up soon."

"'Fraid so." Erik said, seeing Emma walk quickly past with tears in her eyes. "You going after her?"

"Right now she has Hannah." Clay said, "Mission to get through the day."

"Maybe for you but I am going to make sure." Erik said before walking into the other room.

"You know, any woman that can teach literature, put up with you and sling casseroles at a funeral keep her." Lisa said, walking up and squeezing Clay's arm.

"That's what I was thinking." Clay smiled at Stella.

"Mm-hmm." Lisa smiled back, "How are Jace and Emma?"

"You know when Mandy is getting in?"

"At eight. Thought you could pick her up from the airport, bring her over here."

* * *

"Hang tough there, Mikey. You know, there ain't no real way through it. You just got to look right at it. Your Momma would be real proud of you. You know, ever, uh, since I joined Bravo Team, I've wanted to be just like your daddy." Sonny told the youngest Hayes. "I did. He's one tough Tier 1 badass. Best I've ever seen..." Sonny explained, "Hey, Mikey. Look at me..." He said, "I promise you I won't let anything happen to him. Okay?"

"I know you can't really promise me that." Mikey told him.

"If Dad couldn't save Nate...you guys cant promise that."

"How bout this... I promise you I will do everything I can to make it so he comes home safe...so that all of us make it home safe."

"That you can promise...but if something happens to Dad or anyone else I don't want you to blame yourself."

* * *

"Do you think this feels different for Dad? Different from all the people he's buried?" Emma asked Linda after Hannah left, Clay walking out with Adam.

"Other soldiers?"

"Other Team guys. I mean, Dad's known a lot of people who've died." Emma said as she started to cry, "So maybe this isn't as hard for him."

"Your parents may have had problems, but he loved your mom very much."

"Okay?"

"This is more than hard for your dad, honey. I think this is going to be the hardest thing for him ever." She said as she looked up and saw Jason walk in the door with tears on his face. He paused at the counter and stared straight at his daughter before making his way around. "Go on." Linda told Emma and she walked towards her Dad and buried her face in his chest as he wrapped her in his arms.

Slowly the crowd left but during that time Jason held Emma and Emma held Jason. "I am going to take Stella home and pick up Mandy." Clay finally said when they were the only ones left.

Mikey ran up to Clay and Clay lifted him up, "Hurry and come back?"

"I will be back before you go to bed." He promised as he hugged the child, holding him until he lifted his head back up. "I will be back." Clay told him as he put him down, Linda nodding at him before he left.

"We will see you soon Clay." She smiled, "Thank you for everything today Stella."

* * *

"I'm gonna call the florist before they close. We should really go there first thing in the morning." Stella said as soon as they walked into the apartment. "If you're okay with that." When Clay pulled her around she smiled, "What are you doing?"

"Davis said that any girl who can put up with me and sling casseroles at a wake is a keeper."

"Okay. Then keep me."

"Okay."

"I will say, though, that I-I never pictured myself a part of the Pink Squadron, you know? But there I was on kitchen duty. Casserole in one hand and fruit salad in the other."

"Not really the, uh the look of a true feminist?" Clay smirked.

"Maybe. Actually, I don't know. All I know is that I'm really glad I got to be a part of today. You know, everybody dropping everything, no questions asked. It's not usual."

"It's just the right thing to do." Clay shrugged.

"Mm, my world Mm, I don't know, the people wouldn't know how to do today."

"They might surprise you."

"Maybe. People that you work with, military in general, it's different. It's like like a community, you know, like like family." Stella smiled.

"You think you can handle the life?"

"I.."

"Thank you for being there today." Clay said, kissing her and pulling her into a tight hug. "I do have to go pick up Mandy though."


	16. Chapter 16

_Thank you to those of you who have taken the time to comment-I love hearing what you enjoy about my take on what is not shown on the episodes. The way I write will always follow the storyline...BUT I add in what I would have liked to see if only each episode allowed for it... for those of you who have commented or sent private messages telling me that my take on things is wrong or bad-this is fanfiction...if you don't like it don't read it. As always-I hope you enjoy this chapter! -AJ_

* * *

 _"_ I hate leftovers." Emma complained.

"How about I make us some soup, hmm?" Linda asked the family.

"I'll order pizza." Emma said.

"We had that last night." Mikey wined.

"All right, well, what do you feel like?" Linda asked.

"Tacos." Emma smiled.

"Ketchup tacos." Mikey smiled.

"Great idea." Emma smiled back at him.

"Ketchup tacos?" Linda questioned, the combination sounding foreign to her.

"They're better than they sound." Emma laughed.

"Mom, it's just tacos with ketchup in the mix, that's all." Jason tried to explain.

"But not too much ketchup."

"And Worcestershire."

"Should be, um Mom's recipe's got to be around here somewhere, right?" Jason asked.

"Mom always made them from memory." Emma grumbled, quickly coming to the realization that one more thing was taken from her when her mom was killed.

"Okay. Mikey, get the spatula. Clear some of this stuff off. Mom's not here, so Mom can't make it from memory. Right?" Jason said, his mood shifting.

"Geez. Here...Honey, I got it." Linda tried to help alleviate the situation before her son went full on nuclear.

"Okay, Mom, stop! Stop!" Jason yelled as a beer bottle broke. "I got it." He said, dropping another bottle, "I got it." When the beer seeped onto the counter he slammed the box down breaking all of the rest.

"Don't! Jason!" Linda yelled, seeing the pain and fear in his children's eyes and wishing she hadn't sent everyone out to run errands.

"Damn it! Damn it!" Jason yelled as he punched the garbage can, hurting his hand almost as much as he dented the tin can lid.

"Jason! Come on!" Linda yelled again. She couldn't get through though.

"Damn it!" Jason yelled punching the can a few more times.

"Daddy!" Mikey yelled as he started to cry.

"Dad...Dad..." Emma tried, knowing that there were only two people, maybe three who had any chance of getting through to her father.

"It's going to be all right. I promise." Linda said as her son sank down his back to the fridge with his head in his hands.

"Emma why don't you call one of the boys. We will go get dinner, we can get tacos from the restaurant down the street."

"I'm not leaving him." Emma said defiantly.

"Yes. You are." Linda said as she pushed them out of the kitchen.

"Clay get to the house now." Emma yelled into the phone when he answered. "Now." She said again. "Gramma is taking us to get dinner but Dad...he uhhh...we need a new garbage can..."

* * *

"I need you to pick up Mandy at eight." Clay said running through the apartment and out the door before he could even explain why, Emma was clearly crying. Even though Clay didn't take the time to say why he was running, she already knew...something had happened with Jason. She had heard the ringtone, knew it was Emma who had called.

Walking into Jason's less than ten minutes later Clay found the man in the same spot that Emma had told him he was on the kitchen floor. Frozen and seething. "You want to talk about it?" Jason slid the garbage can over so Clay could see it but didn't look up. "Hand okay?" He asked and Jason held up his hand, slightly bruised but no cuts and he went to work cleaning up the mess that Jason had left.

When Clay came back in from taking the garbage out and stomping the dent out of the can lid he almost panicked when he didn't find Jason in the same spot. Walking out to the garage he found him back under his car. "You help me with this?" Jason asked, sliding out. Tear stains wet on his face.

"Sure." He said.

There was no talking about anything other than about the old car and in that moment that was what Jason needed. When they were done and the car was back on the ground Jason looked at Clay, "Can we take it out?"

"We are not driving to DC."

"Around town."

"Where are the keys."

"Hook by the door." Jason said, the same place he hung his keys every time he came in.

"Okay." Clay said, smiling when he saw the grin on Jason's face as he walked back with the keys. Clay climbed into the passenger seat and the two sped off.

Two hours into their drive crisscrossing the city Clay got a text from Emma, 'So help me if you are in DC again...'

'Will be home around 8.' Clay sent back before turning to Jason, "They are pissed."

"Yeah." Jason agreed. "So am I."

"At some point you are going to need to talk to them."

"How?"

"With words."

"Smart ass."

"Learn from the best." Clay smirked. "Stella has Mandy and is headed to your house." Clay said a few minutes later when he looked at his phone again.

"Okay." He said, turning and heading back home. When he pulled back up to the house he pulled into Alana's spot and shut the car off, handing Clay the keys. "I need her." Jason said, looking up at Clay as he climbed out of the car.

"I know." He answered. "I will be inside."

* * *

"What the fuck is his problem?" Emma screamed as soon as Clay walked in the door.

"Really? With the language?" Clay asked her as he grabbed her shoulders and pushed her away from the front door and into the living room.

"Mikey is upstairs so pissed off he would only eat two bites of his dinner."

"Did you eat?"

"Yes I ate."

"Where is Gramma?" Clay asked.

"In the bedroom. We are suppose to pick a dress to bring to the funeral home."

"Why don't you go help her?"

"Because Dad should be doing it." Emma yelled at him.

"Why don't you go facetime Hannah until you chill out."

"How can he be fine and then freak out and then just be fine again?"

"He is far from fine."

"He is out there sitting in his stupid car with Mandy." She snapped. "Our mom just died and he is sitting out there with her."

"I am going to stop you before you go any further." Clay said, holding up a hand. "Your Dad loved your Mom...but they were not together."

"They have been..."

"Don't. Your parents loved each other and were best friends...but they have not lived as husband and wife as long as I have known them."

"So are Dad and Mandy...?"

"Mandy is the one your Dad could talk to when your Mom wasn't around...they are friends Emma."

"He talks to you."

"Do you talk to me about the same things you talk to Hannah about?" Clay asked.

"No...but..."

"Stop." Clay said, seeing the wheels turning in her head. "Stop being a brat and go call Hannah."

"Did you just call me a brat?"

"Go call her." Clay said reaching out and pulling her in for a quick hug, "He doesn't know how to react because he hasn't done this before. Losing someone in war...they train us for that...and it is still hard...this though...there is no training for losing your best friend."

* * *

"You are good with them." Linda said, walking into the living room once Emma was upstairs.

"You know more about my son's relations than you led on." Linda smiled to him, "He talked to Alana...and she talked to me...I know who the players are...and I know what my son's type is..."

"I really just don't want to talk about anyone's sex life." Clay shrugged.

"Is he going to run?"

"I have the keys." Clay told her.

"Why don't you relax and watch tv." She said nodding to the couch, "Thank you for cleaning up his mess."

* * *

"Came as soon as I heard." Mandy said, walking up to the small car.

"No more sympathy, all right? None. No more "How are you holding up, Jason?" questions. I don't want to talk about me, and I don't want to talk about Alana."

"Okay." She said, climbing into the passenger seat.

"Okay?" Jason asked.

"What do you want me to say Jason?"

"I don't...I don't know." He said, looking down at his bruised hand.

"Person or thing?" She asked.

"Fridge and garbage can."

"It hurt?" She asked, reaching over and taking his hand in hers and rubbing it gently.

"Not as much as..." His voice cracked.

"Your heart?" She asked. He nodded. "She was your best friend."

"I miss her." He said, looking up to her as she continued to massage his hand. "I miss her so much it hurts."

"I know."

"It is stupid...I have been away from her before...for a year...a few times it was even longer...it hasn't even been a week and it feels..."

"Being deployed is different than her dying Jason."

"I don't know how I am suppose to bury her."

"She is gone. Killed by a drunk...who will be spending at least the better part of a decade in jail on outstanding warrants and parole violations...guy was a piece of work."

Jason looked at her, surprised she knew what she did...he didn't even know the details,"Told Ray to handle that side of it."

"She was the first person to die there. City is looking at the intersection to see if they can do anything to improve the safety but..."

"I don't have a wife. My kids don't have a mom. No reason for it. I spend my life in a barrage of bullets and she dies less than a mile from home. No reason. She went to get me chicken and beer. I was mad at Ray and she went to do something for me and it got her killed."

"This isn't your fault." Mandy told him.

"I don't know how to do this without her." Jason said, looking down at their hands before looking back up at her, "If it wasn't for Clay...God...that Kid..."

"Him and Emma are close I hear."

"Have been since the crash."

"You okay with that?" She smirked.

"Why does everyone go there...she is eighteen...he is twenty-eight...they act like her and Mikey...siblings...friends...he was the one who told them...did you know that?" Jason asked, "I was still at the hospital and the Kid and Sonny...they...He told them about Alana."

"You are different with Clay than with the rest of the team guys."

"He is younger than everyone else."

"By almost a decade...I am aware of their ages Jason. It isn't just age."

"Kid remembers how to be human...reminds us how..."

* * *

When Jason finally went inside he found Clay asleep on the couch, his legs hanging over the arm rest, the news still running on the television. He sat down next to his head and put his hand on his shoulder, relaxing when Clay put his hand on his in his sleep. "I'm good." Jason whispered to him and he felt Clay squeeze his hand, knowing it was a lie but not going to push him.

"Emma and Mikey are sleeping, why don't you turn down the volume." Linda said quietly walking in right after Jason sat down and smiling when she saw their hands.

"I am sorry Mom." he said as he turned the volume down slightly.

"I know." She said walking over and sitting on the arm rest next to her son.

"I just..." Jason started.

"Do not make excuses for your behavior. Learn from it." His mom cut him off.

"Tomorrow I am going to go to the funeral home. Lisa said they need my signature on a couple things."

"You could bring the dress with you." She said, "Do you know which one she will be wearing?"

"No."

"Jason the funeral is the day after tomorrow. They need to get her ready."

"Mom. No." Jason growled, freezing when Clay stiffened on the couch.

Seeing the stress written on Clay's face as he feigned sleep she shook her head, "He should be sleeping in his own bed, not on the couch."

"He has slept on worse." Jason snapped.

"After the funeral he goes home and you figure out how to function as a family without Alana."

"We will be lucky if we don't get spun up before the funeral." Jason told her, Kid was his family and he will be damned if she thinks he is leaving before he...or the Navy tells him to.

"You will not miss Alana's funeral." Linda growled.

"What is going on in Mumbai..."

"Dammit Jason. You need to be here for your family."

"Bravo is my family too." Jason reminded her.

"I am well aware. I am also aware that you rely on Clay to keep your head on straight and you need to learn how to do that for yourself."

"I am fine Mom."

"No. Jason you aren't. But you will be." She said, leaning over and planting a kiss on his forehead before spreading a blanket over Clay and doing the same to him. "You both need to sleep tonight. Your keys are in his pocket so don't bother looking around for them."

A few minutes after his mother shut herself into the bedroom him and Alana once shared Clay sat up, curling his legs up onto the couch and leaning his back against Jason's side, "You aren't going anywhere tonight so you might as well go to bed."

"I cant turn my head off." Jason mumbled as he put his arm around Clay, holding him into him.

"Here." Clay said grabbing the remote and flipping the channel to Futurama, "This will turn your head off."

"Cartoons? Seriously?" Jason asked, leaning back into the couch.

"Yes. Seriously." He said as he closed his eyes, leaning against the older man, quickly feeling the weight of Jason's head against his as they both fell asleep.

* * *

"Give me my keys." Jason argued, shortly after waking up.

"I give them to you and you flip out again then what?" Clay asked as the two walked out the front door, "I can take you."

"You have to meet Stella at the florist. I can go to the funeral home and sign whatever needs signing and then I will come back."

"You need me, you call." Clay told him as he handed him the keys after a stare down.

"Tracking is turned on." Jason told him, "Just in case." Clay already knew it was, he had checked before they even walked out the door.

"Keep your phone on you then." Clay said as he climbed into his Nova.

As Jason drove across town to the funeral home he saw Clay in his rearview. As thankful as he was for everyone helping he was stuck. Why Alana? Why? Jason never wanted a divorce...settled for the legal separation to make her happy...not that it was something to be happy about...but what they had...it was working. In all the time he had known her she had been his lifesaver. Always able to bring him back from the edge...always knew what to do with Emma...and with Mikey, what to do when his dad passed...when they lost Nate. It was always Alana showing him the next mission even if he couldn't see five minutes in front of him.

He quickly signed what needed to be signed, no he did not want to see her body...no he didn't have the dress chosen yet...then he left, driving straight to the intersection where she was killed. And he sat, counting the cars that drove through...watching to see if anyone ran the light, did anything wrong.

Then he heard Ray's voice break through his thoughts, "Pretty sure the next Sprinter to Norfolk isn't till tomorrow."

"It's kind of creepy how you find me."

"You're Bravo 1. Got to always keep you in my sights, right?" Ray said as he sat down on the brick wall next to his friend.

"Funeral home gave me this. It's a...It's got Alana's jewelry inside." He said as he pulled the locket and ring out of the envelope before putting it back and tucking it in his hat. "This is where it happened. This is where her car was hit. Corner of Holland and Dam Neck."

"I know."

"I was counting the cars, Ray. 1,142 in two hours. Imagine that many in an hour, in a day, in a week, in a year? No one's ever died here until Alana. Makes no sense. Know what makes even less sense? When I was away operating, my wife was at home worrying about me being killed. I've trucked through some of the most dangerous places in the world. I mean I've been shot, I've been stabbed. Survived a helicopter crash. And I'm alive. I'm alive sitting here where she died. Just a mile from our house."

"You're gonna get through this, Jason. It's gonna take time, brother, but you're gonna get through it, I promise."

"I took her for granted, Ray...I took her for granted...I miss her, Ray."

"I know Brother." Ray told her, "We all do."

"I screwed up...last night...took it out on the garbage can...scared the kids...Emma...she uh...she has my temper and Clay got an ear full."

"Kids are resilient...just talk to them."

"I don't know what to say...Clay...he uh...he always has the words, but I...they get stuck."

"Get your ass in your damn truck and go home to be with your family. Talk to Mikey. Help Emma pick out a dress for Alana to be buried in. Write down a few things to say tomorrow."

"Ray..."

"Jason." Ray said as he crossed his arms across his chest.

"I can't."

"Get up and go. You need to be with your family." Ray told him before getting up and walking back to his car, waiting until he saw Jason stand up and start walking towards the truck before driving off.

* * *

"Mikey? Mikey, what are you doing?" Jason asked, walking into his sons room, "Right, okay." He said before he sniffled, "You don't want to talk to me, I get it. You have every right to be mad at me." Jason said, trying not to break down. "You know, I deserve it. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, Mikey."

"You shouldn't have hit the refrigerator. Mom wouldn't have liked it."

"You're right. Mom definitely wouldn't have liked me hitting that refrigerator. That was her favorite refrigerator." Jason said, so relieved that his son was talking to him.

"We shouldn't forget just because she's gone."

"No way. We're never gonna forget. Look at me. Hey. I promise you we're never gonna forget her. You understand?" Jason said walking over and picking up his son. "I could never forget your Mom." He said as Mikey clung to him.

"I miss her." Mikey whispered, barely loud enough for Jason to hear.

"Me too Bud."

"You are used to being away though. Why do you miss her?" He asked.

"When I go I know I have you guys to come back to...and now I don't have her to come back to so it is different."

* * *

"We're picking out a dress for Alana to wear." Linda said as Jason walked into the bedroom behind Mikey to find Emma sitting on the bed with dresses strewn about.

He walked over to the closet and pulled out a red dress and held it up to his face, inhaling deeply as he felt the tears stinging his eyes, "This one...This is the one." He said as he walked around to the other side of the bed, "Yeah, she wore this all the time." He said to Emma.

"Because you bought it for her."

"She, um She wore this to your Christmas recital. She sent me a picture of the the three of you, and she was wearing this dress." He said as he sat down in the chair holding the dress.

"Daddy..." Emma said to him and he looked up, "She loved you."

Clearing his throat he nodded and got up, "I am..uh...I am going to take this to the funeral home."

"Do you want me to go with you?" Emma asked.

"No. I...I need to do this." He said before taking it and walking out of the room.

"Dad wait!" Emma yelled after him as she grabbed her moms favorite black heals and a bottle of red nail polish. "These need to go with it." She told him as he climbed into his truck.

"Tell Clay to be here with dinner when I get back." Jason told her.

"Takeout?"

"Anything other than tacos."

* * *

"Jason what do you want me to do tonight...be here or let you have family time?" Clay asked, after the five of them finished off the Chinese takeout he brought over.

When Jason looked to his kids it was Mikey who spoke up, "I want you to stay."

"Okay." Jason said with a sigh of relief, he knew what he wanted but his mom was right...he was going to need to figure out how to run his family without Alana to do it for him.

"I need you to stay." Emma said, moving her chair and leaning her forehead into the side of his arm and Clay put his arm around her.

"You guys are going to be okay." Clay told them.

"We need you." Mikey said as tears filled his eyes.

"Come here Buddy." Clay said, opening his arms and Mikey wrapped his arms around his neck. "I got you...okay?"

"I am scared that Dad isn't going to be okay." Mikey said into his chest.

Clay looked up at Jason and Linda before answering, "Your Dad is scared of that too...but you know what?" When Mikey lifted his head Clay went on, "It is okay to be scared sometimes and it takes someone really really brave to be able to face that fear and find a way to keep pushing forward."

Linda, seeing the look on her son's face got up and stood behind him, "One thing all of you have in you is fight. Everything will be okay."

"You all want to watch a movie or something? Clay asked, "I kinda feel like being lazy."

"Can we watch Fantastic Beasts?" Mikey asked, "I know it isn't Harry Potter but..."

"We can watch that." Emma smiled, knowing that Mikey was trying to do what she needed. "Why don't you go get the air mattress and blow it up in the living room and I will go get a bunch of pillows and blankets."

Jason smiled at his kids as they ran out of the kitchen to go get what they needed for the movie night and he looked over at Clay, "Thank you." He said, voice thick with emotion.

"Told you I've got you." Clay said as he stood up and started to clear the dishes from the table.

Once the air bed was set up and pushed up next to the couch with enough blankets and pillows to supply a store Linda looked at Clay and Jason, "Get in there. Watch the movie, I've got this, then I am going to go make a few phone calls."

Clay nodded and went into the living room, plopping down in the center of the air bed where Emma and Mikey laid down on either side of him. Jason was a little slower to come in and sat down on the couch, legs draped across the head of the air mattress and Clay traded his pillow for Jason's knee and the edge of the couch. "We going to start the movie?" Jason asked with a small smile.

As the movie went on Emma and Clay pointed out every connection to the Harry Potter series they saw, Linda made a few trips out with snacks before she retreated to the bedroom for the night. After the first movie Emma put in the second one and Jason laid down across the couch with an arm hooked around Clay's neck. Mikey fell asleep not even a half hour into the movie and Jason fell asleep shortly thereafter.

"He is having bad dreams." Emma said as her dad moaned slightly. Clay squeezed the man's wrist and he went right back to being calm, by the forth time he did that Emma pointed it out. "You calm him. He is going to be a mess without you...you know that right?"

"I need him as much as he needs me." Clay told her.

"You guys are going to get spun up after the funeral...I just know it." Emma said as she scooted sideways on the air mattress and put her head on Clay's stomach.

"Probably." Clay said, "You have seen the news...not much we can do about it, I am surprised we haven't been called up already."

"He can't leave."

"He needs you to tell him or he won't listen."

"That isn't how it works...we can't just call in sick like a normal job."

"I know but there has to be something about losing a wife and your kids not having anyone to take care of them." Emma wined.

"You are old enough that..."

"Don't say that. I am not his mom."

"Gramma is here too." Clay reminded her.

"If he goes I will hate him forever."

"No matter what he does he will have to leave his family." Clay said, feeling Jason squeeze his arm, knowing that Jason was awake, but wanting his daughter to keep talking he kept quiet.

"He cant die Clay...he cant...and if he goes..."

"There is always that chance...but your mom...she died less than a mile from here. When it is our time...that isn't really something we can control."

"You guys can stop going where you are getting shot at all the time."

"SEALs Emma...that is kind of who we are."

"Well I don't like it."

"Clearly." Clay smirked, "You are acting like a brat."

"No...I am acting like someone who just lost her mom and is pissed off that her dad is going to abandon her."

"Are you serious right now?" Clay asked, seeing the tears in her eyes from the glow from the television.

"I can't lose him...or you." Emma said as she sniffled.

"One day at a time." Clay said, "Okay?"

"You sound like her you know...usually talking to you is like talking to him...but that...you sound like my Mom."

"It is okay to not be okay...but remember that he lost her too."

"Clay will you...uh...will you hold me?" Emma asked as she fought back the sobs, trying not to wake up her brother or her dad.

Pulling her into him he scooted up so he was sitting against the couch and she curled into his lap, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, "I got you."

Once she cried herself to sleep and her head slid down onto his chest Clay felt Jason pull him back against him, "You got my Baby Girl, I've got you."

"Jace when we get called up...you can't leave them...not this soon...give them a chance to get their feet under them."

"I can't just not go." Jason sighed.

"Talk to Harrington. Skip one spin up. Then figure out what you are going to do long term."

"I don't want to talk about this."

"You don't have her to keep your world revolving anymore. Something is going to have to change."

"Emma is old enough to take care of Mikey."

"Emma is going to go to college next year."

"It is too much."

"Jace if you go...where is your head going to be?"

"I..."

"I know you can't choose...and I am not asking you to...I am saying skip Mumbai. Bring Ray back and we can do one spin up while you get things sorted here."

"It isn't that easy."

"Talk to Harrington. One spin up. They need you more than we do."

"That isn't the problem..." Jason said, "I need you guys."

"One spin up Jace."

"I will think about it." Jason said, "If I do that you can't do anything stupid."

"Adam trained me. Ray is your Two. Sonny, Brock and Trent...we can do one spin."

"I do not understand why you and Emma like these stupid movies. A girl that turns into a snake?" Jason said...clearly ending the conversation. Clay leaned his head back against Jason's chest and he ran his fingers through his hair relaxing him. When Jason thought Clay was sleeping he mumbled, "I love you Kid...hope you can see that."

* * *

"I cant find my shoes." Emma yelled as she tore apart her room. They were suppose to leave ten minutes ago for the church.

"These shoes?" Linda asked, walking in with a pair that she had set out two days before.

"Can you tie my tie?" Mikey asked Clay and he quickly did, earning a smile from Jason.

"How the hell do you do that so fast?" Jason asked him.

"Church every Sunday...My grandpa taught me when he got sick of me asking."

"We need to leave." Linda said, pushing everyone towards the door.

Clay drove everyone in Jason's truck and parked in front of the church right behind the hearse. The five walked in together, Mikey holding Clay's hand as they made their way to the front pew ignoring those that they walked past. When Jason looked up and saw the casket with Alana he started to bounce his food as a way to control his anxiety.

Mandy who was sitting in the pew behind with the rest of Bravo Team reached forward and put her hand on his shoulder and he took a shakey breath in. The Priest came over and spoke to Jason, but Jason wasn't hearing the words he was saying and it was Emma who answered for him, she was going to sing-Victoria and Naima were going to speak, her grandparents were going to speak. Then they were going to go to the burial.

Midway through the Mass, when Emma was called up to sing her voice rang through and echoed off the rafters of the old church and Clay felt Sonny's hand on his shoulder as the tears slid from his eyes. Clay tried to focus on the rest of the Mass but his mind kept drifting and as soon as they were cleared for the reception he followed Jason as the man made a near run for the front door.

"Slow down Man." Clay told him as he spun him around and pushed his back against the wall outside of the church. "Breathe."

"You've got this Jace." Ray said, coming up next to them.

"Yeah Brother, We got you." Sonny finished out the circle.

"You need to get your ass back in there. Do a lap around the room, then we can start getting people to head to the burial." Clay told him.

"Do a lap?" Jason looked directly at Clay.

"Do a lap." Clay confirmed.

"Okay." Jason said, taking a deep breath and walking back into the church.

"Damn Kid, Haven't seen him take orders from anyone like that since Swanny back in the day." Adam said.

"Hey Brother." Clay said, pulling Adam in for a hug, "How are you guys doing?"

"Time makes it easier...right?"

"What I keep telling myself." Clay said with a sad smile.

"Can see why he pulled you to two while Ray was out."

"I got Mikey." Sonny said before heading towards the young boy who was walking in circles around the casket.

"Hannah said Emma was flipping out because you called her a brat." Adam smiled.

"Yeah...Jace is going to have his hands full with her...she is a lot like him but has Alana's attitude." Clay smiled.

"Hey Clay...I want to thank you for taking such good care of my grandchildren this past week." Alana's mother said as she walked up to him, pulling him away from Adam.

"Yeah...uh...no problem." He said, not really sure what to say, "I am sorry about Alana, she was amazing. Her and Jason...they showed me what family should look like."

"Alana talked about you. After the crash. We never thought it would be her funeral we would be attending." She said.

"Oh. Uh... yeah..."

"I just mean...he is the one who has the dangerous job. As much as my husband has battled with her about Jason...he has always done his best to give her the life she wanted."

"Emma is a lot like her mom."

"She is...but so are you. The way you talk to Jason and the kids...I didn't understand it before, but I do now. How Bravo has come together for the family..."

"We will always take care of them." Clay said and she pulled him into a hug. When Clay looked up he saw Emma smiling at him.

"I didn't see why Alana always said she had a family when we hardly saw her...but I see it now." She sniffled before walking off leaving Clay feeling off kilter.

"You really do get under everyone's skin." Emma walked over with a smirk. "I am pretty sure my mom is laughing right about now...people finally listening to her now that she is gone."

"People listened before." Clay said.

"Not like now...my Dad...Gramma...it is different." She said with tears in her eyes.

"We will get through this."

"I am not so sure about that."

"Promise me that in the next year no matter how pissed you get at your dad...you check in with me...message everyday...at least to say you are alive and safe."

"Pretty sure that is the promise I made you promise me." Emma said, pulling him into a hug. "Need you to be okay."

* * *

'You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil. My cup runneth over. Surely, goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Amen' The Priest prayed over the casket.

"Amen." Everyone repeated, funny how even if SEALS were not Catholic they all seemed to know the words to the prayers...having been to so many funerals.

Clay looked at Jason as he stood up in front of everyone and nodded silently and Jason started talking, "I'm not really good at this...I wrote some things down." Looking between him, Ray and the caskey he struggled to keep his compsure, "It's, uh, ironic that I'm a SEAL and, uh, Alana she's the one who pulled me out of the water when we were kids and saved me. That's how we met...It's always been Alana and me and then the kids...A family...I thought that Alana revolved around me. Like she and the kids were frozen in time right when I left until I came home. But now I understand." As Jason looked down as his voice broke, Clay wanted to reach forward and put his hands on Emma's shoulders to help steady her as she quietly sobbed, "I understand. It was because of Alana that I could be who I was a Team guy. She held everything together and made it work. She didn't revolve around me. I revolved around her. Our family did." Jason finished, setting things on the casket he spoke to Alana, "I really hope that our family can survive without you, baby."

Before he even had time to walk back Bravos phones began to buzz and they all knew what that meant. They were going to Mumbai. Jason looked to Ray...and to Clay before pulling his phone out and before he had a chance to look at it Emma was in his face yelling, "I hate you! All right." As Jason stood there in shock, torn between his two families his daughter continued to yell, "I hate you. I hate you."

"Stop. Stop." Was all Jason managed to say as he watched his Brothers all head back to their cars, the only one left behind being Ray who looked to him for what he was going to do.

"You can't go. You can't go. You can't go." Emma cried into her Dad, knowing that if he went they would be left all alone. Needing her Dad to choose her and Mikey, her fear and anger grew.

* * *

"I'm sorry. I know the timing couldn't be worse, but we have a situation..." Erik told the team once they were all settled in the conference room. All of them were struggling to focus, the focus even harder when Jason walked in, still in his suit from the funeral.

"So we've got an American FSO trapped inside a hotel that's been taken over by one of many "I hate Hindus and Westerner" groups that kill and don't negotiate." Sonny spit out when no one else did.

"That's a fair assessment. And if we don't get in there in time, then we can count on Dave Nelson being amongst those who die." Erik told them before they were dismissed, everyone getting up except for Jason.

"Them jackasses in Mumbai want some attention, bring some eyes to their cause, you make a sex tape with a celebrity." Sonny said when they were back in the cages.

"Got to be an A-lister." Trent said.

"No, come on, man. They're a dime a dozen these days. I bet you one of them, uh them Kardashian sisters would be available."

"Yeah. Wouldn't have to have all this bloodshed and kidnapping."

"Hey, why are we ignoring this?" Clay asked, angry that Jason had shown up.

"Come on, man."

"Jason didn't hear a word of that warning order. Guy's not up for this. Why am I the only one saying it?" Clay asked, he couldn't be Jason's two if Jason couldn't hold it together himself.

"Cause you're the youngest, son. You may be 2IC, but you need to refrain. All right? It ain't our decision to make." Sonny told him...even though he felt the same way...they all did.

"I am going to go make a call." Clay said, grabbing his phone and walking out of the cages. When he saw the Team load out he would fall in line.

"He left...Clay he left." Emma sobbed into the phone.

"I know."

"He can't go. He needs to be here."

"I know." Clay said, fighting his own tears and wanting to hold Emma and tell her that everything would be okay.

"Can't you do anything?"

"You already know the answer to that...has to come from him or Harrington."

"Promise me you will do everything you can to keep him alive."

"Emma you know..."

"Promise me Clay."

"I promise." Clay told her before hanging up the phone and sinking down to the floor outside of the conference room. He didn't know Jason was still in there, listening to every word of that conversation. Once Clay felt like he could breathe again he got up and went back into the cages where Sonny pulled him into a hug.

"Hope Emma is doing better than you Kid." He mumbled into Clay's ear.

"Just want to punch something." Clay mumbled.

"Me too Kid...me too." Sonny said and Brock and Trent came over and the four held each other until Davis walked in and told them it was time to load out.

"Where is Jace?" Sonny asked.

"Harrington said Blackburn and Jason would meet you at the plane." She said with a shrug of her shoulders.

* * *

When Adam and Ray walked onto the plane with Erik a half hour later Clay breathed a sigh of relief and not two seconds later he felt a buzz in his pocket. Pulling out his phone he saw a text from Jason, 'You promise me Kid. You come home.' Texting back, 'You made the right choice.' Getting one back, 'Doesn't feel like it.'

"Jace?" Sonny asked, seeing Clay's face as he looked at his phone.

"Yeah. Everything feels all wrong." He said as he text Jason back, 'Will call when I can. Take care of each other.' Jason quickly replied, 'Was going to tell you the same thing.'

"Hey Spencer." Adam said sitting down on the other side of him as Ray sat down next to Sonny.

"How's he doing?" Ray asked, knowing it was Jason the kid had been texting.

"All this...feels wrong." Clay said as he leaned forward putting his head in his hands. The last time Adam had seen him do that was when they were in California trying to notify Brian's family of his death and he put his arm on his back and pulled him over against him. Sonny was surprised that Clay leaned into him, temporarily forgetting how much time the kid had spent with their temporary Bravo One.

"He made the right choice." Sonny mumbled.

"I know. I told him to stay." Clay said into his hands.

"Told you it was the kid who got through to him." Ray said to Adam.

"This is going to kill him." Clay said. "No matter what choice he made he had to leave family."

* * *

'Landed and going out in ten.' Clay sent Jason when they were off the plane and Jason sat down in front of his television. "After days of threats following Indian troop movements in the disputed territory of Kashmir, Pakistani radicals, the Hizbul Mujahideen, have launched what appear to be multiple coordinated attacks across the city of Mumbai. We're waiting for confirmation, but the latest reports suggest four separate locations of the attacks, the Braman National Theatre, Tamerlane Gallery, Khorana University, and the Sopara Grand Hotel, with multiple casualties at each location. Brihanmumbai Police have shut down the city, allowing only authorized personnel in or out until the situation is resolved." His tv told him and he sat back with a sigh. He knew his men were going to the hotel. He knew why. He knew what they were going to have to do and he knew at that moment he needed to be there.

"Are they going to the school or hotel?" Emma asked, walking in and sitting next to her father.

"Hotel." Jason answered before realizing who he was talking to.

"You talk to them?"

"Kid said they were landed and headed out."

"That all he say?"

"Yup."

"They going to be okay?"

"Better be." Jason said.

"I am going over to Hannah's. She is kinda freaking out...been a long time since her Dad has been deployed."

"Want me to drive you?"

"No. Gramma is going to take me."

"Let me know when you get there."

"Dad I am not one of your guys...and I am just going across town nothing is going to happen..." Emma said.

"Your Mom died less than a mile from here. Tell me when you get there." Jason said throwing the remote onto the couch and storming out to the garage.

"Dad!" Emma yelled after him. "Shit." She mumbled. "Dad!"

"Just let me know when you get there." Jason yelled before slamming the garage door behind him.


	17. Chapter 17

When Emma was dropped off at Hannah's she text here dad a photo of her and Hannah in the bedroom. 'Thanks. Be home before dark.' He sent back.

"He really freaking not being there?" Hannah asked her.

"Yeah. It's messed up...every tv in the house is on the news and every phone call he looks like he is going to kill someone. Pretty sure it would have been easier to have him just go but then I would be worrying about losing him..."

"It is just a little spin up. They will be home soon."

"I hope so. How is your mom doing?"

"She is okay I guess. Been going kinda crazy cleaning the whole house to keep busy."

"I feel better that your Dad is there with Clay."

"When he called to tell us he was going...he was so excited to be working in the field again. I forgot that he used to be on the team with Ray...always saw Ray as one of your Dad's guys but he worked with my Dad too."

"I don't really get it...it is like they need bullets flying at them to feel alive or something."

"I dunno...I think it is more about the people they are saving...those college kids...that is almost us...can you imagine? Just being at school and then have people coming at you with guns?"

"My Dad got really upset over this kid who died in his arms...serin or something...I heard him talking to the guys about it...said he was the same age as Mikey and after the crash he kept seeing him."

"When you like get married are you going to marry a team guy?"

"Haven't thought about it much...but as long as they worship the ground I walk on I will be happy." Emma laughed, "Clay says I am ridiculous and instead of finding someone to worship me he says I need to find someone who will push me."

"You talk to him before he left?"

"Yeah...but it was when we both thought my Dad was going...he did tell Dad that they were landed there and headed out."

"Confirmed it was Mumbai?"

"No but where else would it be?"

* * *

"Chaos continues to fill the streets of Mumbai as terror strikes India's largest city. The death toll is rising at four known locations targeted by the Hizbul Mujahideen. And while exact numbers are not yet known, - early estimates of reported fatalities are in the dozens, with the numbers of wounded well exceeding that. Evacuations have been ordered in a two-kilometer radius around each location. Mumbai itself is under mandatory curfew. How long that curfew will last is not yet known. India's prime minister is expected to make a public address within the hour, and we'll bring that to you live."

"Oh, you're up early." Linda said, walking into the kitchen to find her son with enough food to feed the Navy.

"I was up all night."

"You didn't sleep?"

"I made breakfast."

"For the whole neighborhood? How are you right now?"

"What do you want me to say, Mom? My life's been turned upside down, then shoved right through a shredder, okay?"

"Well, you'll get through it. That's what you do. You get people through things."

"This is different...This is different...This is different."

"Is it?"

"Yes, it's different, Mom. Different."

"So, um What are your plans?"

"10:00 a. m. Emma. College counselor, right? 2:00. Mikey. Basketball game. Boom."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about what my plans are, Mom."

"For the future. For Emma and Mikey's future. They just lost their mother. What does today matter?"

"Today is everything, okay? Tomorrow is tomorrow. I'll worry about tomorrow tomorrow. But today is today."

"Jason..."

"No Mom...I can't...we will stick to Alana's schedule. That is the plan." Jason said storming up the stairs. "Hey. What are you doing?" He asked Emma, sticking his head into her room.

"I'm waiting for Mom. For her to come in here, riding me about oversleeping."

"Okay, right well, right now, you have a-a college counselor meeting this morning. So you got to get up."

"So?"

"So, I'm here to take you. All right? So, let's go. Get out of bed. I don't want you sitting around here, doing nothing."

"I'm not doing nothing. I'm missing Mom."

"Look, Emma, for me, dealing with a loss, how I deal with that is I push through. You have to push through."

"I won't ignore my feelings and soldier on, which is what you're asking. Even if I feel awful, I'm going to feel, Dad. I'm not stone. I'm not you." She said, hitting him deep where she knew he would leave rather than stay with her...she had to push him away...she couldn't tell him that she was terrified for Clay...for Hannah's Dad...for the rest of Bravo...she knew he was already worried enough for the both of them and so she cut deep.

"I'm not stone." Jason said, his eyes filling with tears before he turned and walked out of her room. When she heard the tv turn on downstairs she allowed her tears to fall.

"Pakistani radicals from the group Hizbul Mujahideen have taken control of several targets throughout the city, including the National Theatre, the Gallery, the Sopara Grand Hotel, leaving in their wake dozens of victims. It's been reported that a guest at the Sopara Grand Hotel, American Foreign Service Officer, David Nelson, is still unaccounted for." The tv droned.

"Horrible, isn't it? People wake up, go to work, and that happens to them. I'll never understand." Linda said to her son, she knew that his other family was there, hoped he would talk to her about it but knew that was not likely to happen.

"Till you see it. Then you just know that some people are evil, Mom." He said pulling out his keys.

"You going?" She asked and Jason sighed, "Without Emma?"

"Emma doesn't want to go."

"She doesn't need to. Their mother just died."

"I know! I know what happened! Stop! Someone needs to get stuff done around here, instead of wallowing. That's what I'm doing getting things done. Stop reminding me." He said before slamming his way out of the house.

"Mr. Hayes, it would be perfectly okay to reschedule, given the circumstances." The school counselor told him when he walked in without Emma.

"I know. I'm-I'm a guy that likes to get things done, so, let's get 'em done." He said feeling extremely uncomfortable.

"This is Emma's future we're talking about. Seems she should be here."

"Right. Well, I'm Emma's eyes and ears today. What do we got?"

"Well, Emma, as you know, has done extremely well. Her grades are exemplary, even with a heavy AP load. And she has great extracurriculars, and not of the hoop-jumping, expected sort. Yearbook, debate. And volunteering homeless shelters and the V. A."

"V. A.? Wait, I didn't know that she did that." No wonder she knew so much about his recovery process after the crash.

"Must be hard to keep track, considering your line of work. The 12 schools Emma applied to..."

"12 schools? No, she wants to stay local."

"Harvard."

"Emma applied to Harvard?"

"She didn't want to. She didn't want to burden the family with the tuition."

"Does she have a shot?"

"Yes. She does. I made her apply. Whether she can afford to go or not, I want her to know what she's capable of."

"I didn't even know a school like Harvard was even a possibility."

"Mr. Hayes?"

"Mm-hmm."

"How are things at home?"

"Under control."

"Given that Emma's not here, I want to make sure everything's okay." The counselor said, knowing full well that Emma was far from okay and having met Jason on multiple occasions in the past, albeit quick passes, she knew that he often was sent out of town for work.

"Like I said, everything's under control, so, we're done here."

"I'll leave these here with you. This is the number of a family therapist."

"Emma's fine."

"How do you know? This therapist is professional, confidential, excellent. I think sitting down with him would benefit Emma."

"Look, I know what's best for Emma." He said...knowing full well he had no idea what to do...but Alana would have.

"Well, congratulations then. You're the first parent to ever walk in here with an understanding of what their teenager wants."

"Thanks. Harvard. I really know what's best for Emma, but I appreciate it. Appreciate it, thank you." Jason said before walking out. Harvard...his baby girl could go to Harvard? Harvard wasn't local...most of the schools she applied to were not local...why did she tell me she wanted to stay local?

The first thing he did when he got to his truck was try to call Clay...only to have his phone go straight to voicemail. "Dammit Kid...she applied to Harvard...you better be safe out there. Check in when you can." He said before hanging up and throwing his phone onto the passenger seat...the next two people on his call list were with Clay so he was alone...and his chest ached.

"Looking for the calendar?" Linda asked him when he was going through Alana's desk a short while later.

"Yep, looking for the calendar, Mom, where is it?"

"It's gone." She told him, not actually gone of course, but she had put it where she knew he wouldn't find it.

"I need it, Mom."

"Nothing in it matters."

"Everything in the calendar matters. I need to plan things; life goes on, do you understand?"

"Mikey and Emma need a dad, not a team leader. They've been in their room this whole time while you're checking meaningless things off a list."

"It's not meaningless nonsense, Mom, do you understand me? I am trying to show them that staying busy helps them forget the pain."

"Stop it!...Just stop it! They don't need to forget about the pain. They need to talk to the one parent who is still alive."

"Alana would have been prepared for all this. Do you understand me? Alana would have prepared for all this, Mom. Not me. It was supposed to be me. They should have been burying me. I'm the one who was supposed to die, Mom." Jason told her before abruptly heading into the garage.

* * *

"Nice work up today there, Master Chief, huh?" Clay smiled to Adam.

"Didn't do too badly, yourself. You must've had a fine Green Team instructor." He smiled back.

"You know it."

"Hey, was that already last summer?" Adam asked.

"Time flies." Clay said, thinking about everything that had happened in the last year.

"Been a good year for you, though. Making Bravo Team. Stella not dumping your ass. That's not a bad 12 months."

"Yep. You know, I, uh, might've met Stella's parents the other day. Thinking about making a little trip overseas."

"Mm. You love her?"

"I do."

"Good. Love is good." Adam smiled, before looking around at the rest of the team. Clay and him going silent seeing Sonny and Ray talking a few yards away.

"Something going on with you and young Spenser?"

"No. We're good."

"Yeah, my BS detector goes off when two team guys aren't on the same page."

"It's not a thing, Sonny."

"Don't pee on me and tell me it's raining." Sonny drawled and Clay couldn't help but smirk.

"Clay questioned my ability, all right? And this is me letting it go. He's Bravo 2 now, and Bravo 2's job is to look out for Bravo 1, whose job is to look out for the team. He's doing his job. Can't fault him for that." At that Clay smiled, at least Ray recognized the question for what it was, he knew the man had been Jason's 2IC for a reason and if Jason trusted him than so did he...he just needed to hear it.

"Yeah. I guess we just are all overcompensating with Jason gone, you know? Guy just always made the right decision kinda took it for granted. Hope he's doing okay."

"You talk to him at all?" Adam asked Clay finally drawing him back in.

"Told him we were here. That he made the right choice."

"You really think that?"

"Think he had an impossible choice...choosing between his family...I don't know."

"You wish he were here?"

"Wish I knew he was okay."

"You know what he told me?"

"What?"

"Told me to take care of you...that he needs your ass home safe."

"Why me?"

"Do I really need to answer that question?"

"I am not anymore important than the rest of Bravo."

"You are. Hannah told me that you were the one to tell Emma and Mikey that Alana was killed." He said grabbing his shoulder, "Jason doesn't trust just anyone with his kids."

* * *

"According to sources, the death toll across Mumbai has reached sixty victims, and though mandatory evacuations continue throughout the city, that number is expected to rise in the wake of today's terror attacks. While hospitals are at capacity and triage centers are being established to tend to those wounded in today's attacks, government officials have not commented on any progress that has been..." Jason listened to the tv as he pulled out the box that Alana had shipped to her, seeing the photo album and flipping the pages he knew what he needed to do and ran up the stairs.

"Hey. Five minutes, both of you." He said, sticking his head into each of his children's rooms.

"What?" Emma questioned before sending Hannah a message back, 'Think Dad has lost his mind...said to be in the truck in 5.'

"In the truck, let's go."

"What's going on? It's night." Mikey asked, confused.

"It's fine. We're out of here. Five minutes."

"Cool." Mikey smiled.

"I'm not going anywhere." Emma argued as she got a message back from Hannah, 'Go...you don't get much time with him.'

"Five minutes." Jason said, smiling when he saw his daughter stand up and put on her shoes.

* * *

"Havoc, this is Bravo 1. We are at RTB." Adam said into the radio.

"Roger that, Bravo 1. What's the medical situation with the FSO?" Erik asked.

"He needs immediate care."

"Copy that, 1. Secure the FSO onto the bearcat and send him to us."

"Havoc, say again your last. We're not escorting him?"

"That's correct. You're being re-tasked to assist with enemy combatants at the Khorana University. It's a hostage rescue."

"Roger that. Frag-O to a hostage rescue at Khorana University."

"Bravo 1, there are American students trapped there. We're getting reports of active shooters targeting students and faculty."

"How do we know they're still alive?"

"One student, Valerie Wyatt, contacted her family in a live feed through social media to say good-bye. And likely broadcasting their position to the enemy at the same time."

"Please tell me they're not 33 floors up." Sonny mumbled.

"Bravo 1, the target is approximately 1,000 meters to the east of your current location. You'll have ISR support, but our partner forces are spread thin. You're gonna have to patrol to the university on your own." Davis told them.

"Roger that, Havoc. Sending a goodie bag your way with the FSO." He said into the radio before turning to Bravo, "Mag check, boys. Clay, find me a route."

"I'm on it." He said, getting a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, they were exhausted and tensions were high as it was without Jason in the lead.

* * *

"Where are we going?" Mikey asked after they had been in the truck on a winding road for about twenty minutes.

"Don't worry about it." Jason answered, keeping his eyes on the road until he finally found it, parked and climbed out of the truck.

"Where are we, Dad?" Mikey and Emma asked.

"I need to figure something out. I'll know when I see it." He said as he wandered around in the dark.

"This is so dumb." Emma mumbled.

"One day your mom and I went for a drive. Pulled over, decided to go for a hike, had a bottle of wine. We came across it." Jason tried to explain.

"If you're gonna show us where one of us was conceived, I swear I will puke." Emma said sarcastically.

"Okay, this is for you in case we get lost." He told Mikey as he hung a glow stick to his neck.

"All right." Mikey mumbled.

"Why not buy a couple of those kid leashes? Ooh, or maybe chip us?" Emma asked.

"You gonna follow me or what? Let's go."

"Can you please tell us where we're going?"

"I'll let you know when I find it."

"Stupid."

"Keep up. There it is. That's it." Jason smiled as he jumped up onto a rock, "This is your mom's favorite place. She used to tell me that from here, she could see all the way to tomorrow. All the way...that wasn't the case with me. I could just see what was in front of me. That's all. Wasn't always like that, though...seventeen years ago, I was...I was in Utah, training. I was on this 800-foot rock face. Halfway up, I froze. Couldn't move. The instructor saw that I was in trouble, so he came up to me, and he said, "You know what your problem is? You're thinking too much. "You're thinking about what's what's ahead of you "instead of where you are. Right now in this moment, where are you?" He said that you need to focus on the now. Control what you can see, the three feet around you. Control that. And then the next three, then the next, then the next." He smiled as he took a deep breath, "I made it to the top. Ever since that moment, I that's how I've always lived my life. Just like that, being in the now. But, you know, with your mom gone now, it it made me realize that I can't operate my family that way. Your mom's not here anymore to see tomorrow, so I have to be more like her. I don't know if I'm gonna be able to do this. But I'm gonna try. I have to try to see the world like your mom."

Emma looked at him with tears in her eyes, this side of her dad was new to her, one that was admitting he didn't have control and didn't see how things were going to work out. "One more thing I want you to see...Right here...It's on here somewhere...Here it is...That's it. Right there. That's your mom." Jason said as he bounced between trees finally coming to a stop and pointing for her and Mikey to look. "Go ahead."

"What?"

"One last thing, okay? We are gonna finish this, okay?" Jason asked, getting out his knife and carving in Emma and Mikey's names. Emma took her Dad's phone and took a few photos since she had left hers at home.

"Dad do you think that Mom is watching us?" Mikey asked after they had taken a photo of the three of them with the tree.

"Yeah Bud...I think so."

"Do you think she is proud of us?"

"I have no doubt your Mom is proud of you and your sister." Jason answered.

"She would be proud of you too." Emma smiled at him, through the tears in her eyes, she didn't know how he could be so insecure.

As they drove home Mikey quickly fell asleep and Emma kept staring at her father, as they got back into town he finally asked, "Do I have something on my face?"

"Mom would be proud of you." Emma told him and seeing the tears form in her dads eyes she leaned over and put her head on his shoulder, "I am worried about them too."

Jason put his arm around his daughters shoulder and nodded, "I am trying."

"I know." She said as she snuggled into his side.

When they walked into the house Jason smiled at his kids, "All right, buddy, let's go. Off to bed, all right?"

"Right. Night, Dad. Night, Emma." Mikey said as he walked up the stairs.

"Send it to me." Emma smiled as she grabbed her phone from the coffee table.

"Send what?"

"The picture, Dad."

"Right." He smiled, "Get it?"

"Mm. Thanks, Dad."

"Yeah."

"I love you."

"Love you." He couldn't help the smile that found its way to his face, it wasn't often that she initiated saying that she loved him, even though he knew that she did...it was nice to hear and that feeling stayed in his chest as he sat down on the couch and once again flipped on the news.

* * *

First thing the next morning Jason drove to base and walked into Harrington's office. He needed to step away from Bravo. He needed to be a full time Dad. He needed to feel what he felt last night with Emma for as long as he could. "There is nothing I can say Jason. Kim is beside herself. We all are. A bit of advice? Only answer is time." his commanding officer told him.

"Time. Yes, sir. It's why I'm here, sir. I've been in Teams for nearly 20 years, and leading Bravo for about half that...And what I realize now with Alana gone is that, uh, I've been able to do that, sir, because she's had the home front covered. My team, they've become family to me. Blood. Those are my brothers. Some are still with us, some have been torn apart, but my brothers have always been there for me. And me for them. Bravo is in good hands with Adam. My team, they'll be good without me but my son, my daughter, they won't be good without me. My family needs me, sir, and I need to be there with them. That's why I need to take a step back. Need to stop operating. I have to leave Bravo Team."

"You have time to take leave. Use it. Think about that decision. You have time to think about it." Harrington told him.

"I have thought about it Sir. I need to be here for my kids."

"Okay." He told Jason, "I am not starting the paperwork until you use up your leave. If something changes in that time you let me know."

"Thank you Sir." Jason told him before excusing himself to clean out his cage. His mind was made up.

* * *

"We need to get an angle on the sniper."

"Tan building, southwest corner."

"If I get up to that white truck up there, I'll get a clean shot." Clay said.

"Roger that, Bravo 2. Take 6. Get this guy." Adam instructed Clay and Ray.

As they were shooting Clay took a direct round to the chest and slumped over. "Clay? Clay! Man down!" Ray yelled as he dragged Clay's lifeless body to cover before taking the shot he needed to. "Clay? Clay!"

With the sniper gone Bravo dragged him into a building, "Come on. Come on. Get him into cover." The team yelling as they set him down, Ray being the first to take a look.

"Bravo 1, this is Havoc. Sitrep. Your advancement to the university seems to have stopped." Erik said into the radio.

"Havoc, this is Bravo 1. Man down. How copy?" Adam said as he took slow even breathes trying to calm himself down. The kid had to be okay...he had to.

"Copy, Bravo 1. Standing by." Erik said as the breath was sucked from his lungs.

"He took a round directly to his chest plate. No entry or exit wound. Didn't penetrate. Got a pulse, but he's not breathing." Ray yelled to Trent.

"All right, impact must have paralyzed his respiratory system." Trent said as he shot him full of adrenalin and Clay's eyes shot open as he sucked in a breath. "All right, let's get him up. Let's get him up." He said as they moved him to a sitting position.

"At least we know his body armor wasn't made in China." Sonny said as he took a breath in. If Clay wouldn't have been alright...no one would have been.

"All right, yes or no questions only." Trent said as he got into Clay's face, "Are you in Virginia Beach?" Trent asked. Clay shook his head. "Are you in India?" Clay nodded. "Am I better-looking than Sonny?" Clay grinned. "He's fine." Trent smiled.

"Goldilocks is obviously concussed." Sonny smiled as the others helped Clay up and he grasped at his chest.

"Bravo 1, this is Havoc. Give me a sitrep. The students aren't gonna be able to hide forever."

"We're all up, Havoc. Bravo 2 took a round to body armor. He's ambulatory. We are Charlie Mike. Any new information on the students' location?" Adam said into the radio.

Clay walked in a small circle as he tried to catch his breath, rubbing his chest hoping that it would stop hurting as he realized just how close he came to not making it home. Hearing Adam talking in the radio he knew he would be walking soon and as hard as it was to stand he knew he had to suck it up.

"Havoc Base, this is Bravo 1. We lost a little time here. Can you help us out with a faster route to the university?"

"Bravo 1, resume your previous course. 50 meters up, turn east. 800 meters on, you're gonna run into the back gate of the university."

"Roger that. Bravo out." Adam said into the radio. "Clay, stay close to me. Ray, you're on point. The rest of you, fall into patrol order." Adam hung back with Clay, "How you feeling?"

"Uh, like the weakest link. Like I slowed us down."

"I'd rather lose a little time than my 2IC. Shake it off."

"Not so easy." Clay said, it hurt to breathe, to move...to turn his head, to hold his gun.

"Not so hard. Shake it off." Adam said, tough love. There was no other way. They had to keep going to rescue those kids.

"Roger that." Clay said as he started walking. The Kids are barely older than Emma...the kids are barely older than Emma...he kept telling himself as he walked, going as fast as he could.

* * *

"On the heels of Indian troop movements in the Kashmir region, a Pakistani radical group, Hizbul Mujahideen, have launched coordinated attacks in Mumbai. We can confirm one American, State Department official David Nelson, was rescued earlier by Indian security forces. Indian government officials are calling the violence cowardly, reprehensible attacks on India's sovereign rights, and promised a thorough vetting of security procedures to protect against...' The television in the cage told Jason as he packed up twenty years worth of his things into two tubs.

"Need some help?" Harrington asked, walking into Jason's cage.

"Yeah. Thanks." Jason said as the two grabbed the tubs and walked out.

Sitting on the tailgate of his truck Jason sighed, "You have been an amazing leader." Harrington told him.

"Thank you, sir. My brothers, they're gonna be out there fighting, and, um, I'm gonna be home sleeping in my bed. How long till you get used to that?"

"Well, I'd like to say weeks, but I'd be lying. Months, years. Helps to know your team will understand why you left. It's true what you're thinking, though." Harrington told him, knowing that before he even made it out of the gate he was questioning his decision to leave.

"Everything just goes on, right?"

"Without you, yes. Put your foot in a bucket of water, take it out. There's no hole, water fills it in. SEAL teams are like that. Doesn't feel good. If it did, there would be no value to what we do, right? Standing down isn't giving something up. It's tearing something out of you. It can't feel good."

"My kids need me."

"Time Jason. Like I said, I am not going to start the paperwork until you use all of your leave."

"Yes Sir." Jason nodded.

* * *

"Bravo 1, you have multiple unknowns approaching your position." They heard Davis say over comms and Clay felt his stomach drop.

"Roger that." Adam answered. "Dual point. Dual point." Adam yelled as the team scattered to their positions. "S-vest!" Adam yelled before running at a college age male who was running towards their position and tackling him to the ground in a fiery explosion.

"Adam!" Clay yelled in shock as all the shooting stopped with the explosion.

"Bravo 1, this is Havoc. What did we just see?" The team heard over comms.

"What happened?!" Ray asked, running up to Clay, thankful that it was not the kid who had tackled the man only to realize it had been Adam.

"Adam, Adam, he, uh he just.." Clay struggled to talk.

"Give me a sitrep. Over." Erik said into the radio.

"Adam's gone." Ray said, struggling to breathe.

"Bravo 1, respond."

"Clay, answer him." Sonny told him as he fought the tears in his eyes.

"Radio check. Over."

"Will someone please answer him?" Sonny begged.

"Bravo 1, answer. All stations, this is Havoc Base. What the hell is going on out there?"

"Havoc, this is Bravo 6. We read you Lima Charlie. I pass fallen eagle." Ray finally said into the radio.

"Bravo 6, say again your last." Erik asked.

"Six to base, I say again, fallen eagle. We lost Bravo 1." Ray said with a shakey voice.

"Bravo 6, tell me what you need. Do you want to extract? Or do you want to continue the mission after the CASEVAC?" Erik asked.

"Havoc, can you relay the latest sitrep at the university?" Ray asked.

"The Mumbai police have set up a perimeter. There's a Lieutenant Arya that's in charge there. They have reported execution of hostages. It's 20 minutes to get to them."

"Bravo 6, CASEVAC and extract are both 20 mikes out. It's your call." Lisa told them.

"Roger that. How far are we from the university, Havoc?"

"About three mikes."

"I copy three mikes to the university and 20 to CASEVAC or extract. Stand by."

"Extract? No discussion. We ain't turning tail. You understand? This job ain't done." Sonny growled.

"I don't t like a CASEVAC any more than I like an extract. Takes us time that the kids don't have." Ray agreed.

"Okay, then we hump the rest of the way in." Trent said.

"We're not leaving Adam here." Clay cried out.

"Adam's not here." Ray said, getting into his face.

"Then I'm staying here! You understand?!" Clay yelled back.

"Whoa, whoa. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey." Sonny tried to get between Clay and Ray.

"We're not leaving Adam behind!" Clay yelled.

"Sonny! I got it." Ray said, "Hey. Clay. You staying here is not an option, okay? It's either we all stay or not. Now, let me tell you something. As hard as this decision is, Adam would have made the same damn one. Because he knows those kids need us more than he does. Hey. We will be back. Look at me. We will be back." He hated having to yell at Clay but knew there was no other way...kid was a stubborn as Jason and in his heart he knew what he had to do and Ray knew damn well that he would do whatever it took to get the job done.

"Okay." Clay said quietly.

"Havoc, this is Bravo 6. That's a negative on the CASEVAC. We are Charlie Mike to the university." Ray said as they moved Adam's body and covered it in a tarp.

"Roger that, 6. I copy, Charlie Mike."

"Trent on point. Sonny, take rear security. Let's move out." Ray said.

"Hey, now ain't the time to mourn. Time for payback, all right? Let's go." Sonny told Clay. Resisting the urge to pull the kid into him and hold him as he fell apart...because that is what he was on the verge of himself.

* * *

As Jason walked into the house the phone rang and he took it and sat down at the dining room table, "Hello." He moved cards from one pile to another before answering, "Right, yeah, I understand. Thank you. Really, I-I really, I appreciate it." Looking up to see Emma in the doorway he quickly spoke into the phone, "Oh, I need to go. Uh, Emma's here."

"Who was that?" Emma asked her Dad.

"Friend offering sympathies." Jason snapped.

"Why does it bother you so much?"

"Why does it bother me? Because all they do is they say the same thing; what else is there to say? "Deepest sympathies. " Every time I hear that ring, it just reminds me of your mom. Want to do something? Bring her back. You know, sometimes what you need from somebody is just nothing at all. Where's your brother?" Jason ranted.

"He wanted garlic knots. Grandma took him Pungo's. First time he's had a real appetite." Emma told him as her dad sat down on the couch in front of the tv.

"Total number of locations in Mumbai attacked to six. Indian security forces and police remain on high alert..." The reported told them.

"That's where they are, right? Where you'd be now if you'd gone?" Emma asked before walking over to the shelf, "It's fine...I know you can't say...when I was little, when you were gone and I missed you, I'd take this picture, put it in my room." She said as she picked up a frame.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I used to ask Mom how you got the cut on your face...she'd say it was a story for when I'm older." Sitting down next to her dad she smiled, "I'm older now, so how'd you get it?"

"Let me see that. I didn't notice anything but your mother in this picture." He smiled.

"Mm-hmm."

"That cut, uh buds." He told her with a chuckle.

"Quite the storytelling, Dad. Can't wait for your memoir."

"No, my memoirs are gonna be mostly about my brothers and all the fun times I had with them."

"Mm."

"We bring you now disturbing video from an American student caught up in the terrorist attack. They came shooting and-and stopping and starting again, and I don't want...Mom..." Jason looked over at Emma and turned the tv off.

"It scares me. And more than ever that you would be there."

"All right, you know, I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying here. I told you that, I'm not going."

"I'm still scared." Emma told him, "It isn't just you I worry about you know."

"They will be fine."

"You keep saying that...if you really believed it you wouldn't be checking the news every five seconds." Emma snapped at him.

"They are my brothers."

"And I was raised with them as uncles...and you expect me not to worry about them too?"

"I tried to keep you out of that world."

"Out of the world where Dad was gone fighting and mom was watching the news every night trying to make sure you were safe...that your guys were safe...there was never a day where we weren't in it with you." Emma told him, kissing his forehead. "Bravo is our family too."

"I will be in the garage." Jason said, standing up quickly and walking past his daughter.

Emma stood in the kitchen watching as her dad leaned over his car before kicking the front tire and walking towards his truck where he pulled out one of the tubs of his gear to bring into the garage. As he tried to force it onto the shelf he knocked down a box of holiday decorations and slammed things around and mumbled, "stupid." before looking up and seeing his daughter. "Hi."

"You okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Are you? You're angry that you're not there."

"I'm just worried about the boys, that's all."

"Phone keeps ringing."

"Don't pick it up. Just ignore it, okay? I'll be inside in a second." Jason said and Emma shrugged and went into the house and up into her room.

After going inside he cleaned up the kitchen and ignored the phone ringing on four different times before he finally answered it. "What?"

"Oh, that's a hell of a greeting, Master Chief."

"Sorry, sir, we've, uh, had some issues here. How can I help you?" Jason asked as he looked out at Mikey playing in the yard.

"It's Adam." The Captain said.

"What about Adam?" Jason asked.

"We lost him, Jason."

"We lost Adam?"

"Yeah. He's dead."

"No."

"Jason that isn't all."

"What?"

"Mr. Spencer took a round to the vest."

"What?"

"Trent gave him adrenaline and he started breathing again...they are currently trying to get the hostages...but I need you to inform Victoria before Adam's death is on the news."

"Anything Sir."

"Jason?"

"Yes Sir?"

"I will call you once they have Adam's body and are back to the plane safe."

"Thank you Sir." Jason said before hanging up his phone and going into his bedroom where he pulled out his uniform.

"What's going on? You only wear that uniform for two reasons. An award or a funeral." Emma asked, sticking her head into the room as she walked by.

"Making a casualty assistance call."

"Who?" She asked, on the verge of tears.

"Emma, it's It's Adam Seaver."

"Hannah's dad? He's dead? What what are you gonna say to them?"

"I'm gonna say I'm sorry...and if I had gone instead of Adam."

"Then you'd be dead, and Mikey and I would have lost both of our parents!" Emma yelled.

"Not true. We both would have been alive."

"You don't know that! You don't know!"

"We both would have been alive."

"You don't know that. You don't."

"I do." Jason told her, something he was sure of.

"I'm coming with you."

"Not allowed." Jason said whilst wondering if he should tell her about Clay.

"Neither is telling me before you inform the family...Dad I know how Hannah's about to feel. I know." Emma told her father and he silently nodded. "Just give me five minutes and I will go change."

* * *

"Havoc Base, this is Bravo 6. The students are en route to your position along with local partner force. Where's our ride to Bravo 1?"

"Trying to get you one, Bravo 6. Could take a beat." Davis said over the radio.

"Whoa. What is that supposed to mean?" Clay asked.

"Hey, Clay. I got this." Ray said.

"Yeah, resources are stretched thin. The city's still in chaos. Working on it." Erik said.

"Roger that." Ray confirmed.

"Roger that? That's handling it? What about, "How long is this gonna take?" You know, how long are we just gonna leave Adam laying there, exposed, waiting for somebody to come pick up a souvenir?" Clay yelled at Ray.

"Davis is monitoring him on ISR right now, brother."

"That's good enough for you? That's not good enough for me. You guys want to wait here, wait. That's fine."

"Clay."

"Go ahead. I'm gonna go get Adam." Clay yelled as he walked towards the closest truck, thanking God that the keys were in the ignition.

"Let's go, boys." Ray said as the team all climbed in the back of the truck and quickly drove to where they had left their team leader.

"Load him in." Clay said after checking his body to make sure that he was still in one piece.

Sonny and Ray rolled him and thread the tarp under his body before the team lifted him up, Clay groaning in pain as he lifted his handle and they carried Adam to the truck before he climbed into the back and held Adam into him. Sonny taking the wheel as the rest of the team climbed in around them.

* * *

When Victoria opened the door to see Jason in uniform and Emma behind him her tears began to fall, "Okay. Okay." She said letting them into the house.

"Who is it Mom?" Hannah asked, walking into the room and dropping to her knees when she saw Jason and Emma in the entryway.

When Emma took Hannah over to the couch Jason led Victoria to the table, setting a folder full of official paperwork on the table in front of her. "He went there to help people." Victoria cried.

"I know."

"They were killing kids in the street just men with guns, just shooting anything that moved. Because why? It was Mumbai. Right? It was Mumbai, right?"

"You know I can't say anything, not now, Victoria. I can't say anything." Jason said as he fought the tears in his eyes, he had known them for over two decades.

"Do I want media coverage? Do I want the country to know what happened? I am asking you, Jason. Do I?" Victoria asked as tears fell from her eyes.

"It's up to you."

"Is it? How am I supposed to make a decision like this if I don't even know what happened? Oh, God, this is hell. This is gonna be hell. Why don't I have a husband anymore, Jason? Why doesn't Hannah have a father?"

"The short answer: he was killed in action. The long answer is he gave his life, the ultimate sacrifice to save his brothers. He died a hero. He saved lives. He saved many, many lives today. Adam was dedicated to a life. He was dedicated to something that was bigger than himself. Much bigger. It's why he stepped in for me when my family needed me. Which is why your family's paying the price now. You're paying the ultimate price. If I was there, Adam would still be here, and I'm sorry. I am truly sorry for your loss, and it is your loss." Jason told her, looking into the living room at their daughters.

"Should the country know?"

"Yeah. The world should know. The world. Because if they know, then he lives on forever."

"Okay."

"Okay."

"What about the rest of Bravo?" Victoria asked after they had finished the paperwork.

"Clay took a round to his chest...didn't penetrate. He probably has some bruised ribs and will be sore for a while." Jason answered, looking over at Emma.

"Clay what?!" She yelled, running over.

"He will be fine." Jason told her.

"No he won't be and you know it. Him and Adam were close...was Ray 2IC or was Clay?"

"I don't know."

"If it was Clay then he was the closest to Adam when he was killed...after Brian...and you...he won't be okay."

"How the hell do you know..." Jason started to ask, "You know what...nevermind...and I do not know. Harrington said he would call once they got back to plane and headed back.

"When will that be?" Victoria asked, "I assumed they were back if you were here."

"Mission is ongoing." Jason said as he looked at his phone for the hundredth time in the last hour.

"That is why you keep looking..." Victoria said. "God Jason...they had to keep going after losing Adam?"

"I cannot officially say anything and you know that." Jason said, looking at Emma.

"Dad did Clay have to keep going after getting shot?"

"He wasn't shot."

"You just said he took a round to the chest."

"Body armor...you know what...just stop. We are here for Adam."

"Christ Jason." Victoria said pulling him into a hug.

When his phone rang Jason jumped back and excused himself to go outside before answering. "Jason..." He heard Clay mumble into the phone.

"Clay?" Jason asked.

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry...Adam...he..."

"I know Kid...I am with Victoria, Hannah and Emma."

"Tell them I am sorry..." Clay said into the phone.

"Not your fault Kid." Jason said, it was his fault...if he would have gone they would have all been alive and unhurt.

"We lost Adam." Ray said, taking the phone from Clay.

"Harrington called me. I am at his house now."

"You did the notification?"

"How is the Kid?" Jason said, not feeling the need to answer.

"Figured it out."

"I meant..."

"Thought he was dead Jace."

"Knocked him out?"

"Paralyzed his respiratory system. Trent had to pump him to get him to wake up."

"Lucky shot?"

"Square to his vest."

"You flying home tonight?"

"Headed in to meet with Blackburn now." Ray told him as Victoria sat down next to him, leaning into his shoulder.

"How are Sonny and the kid?"

"Adam is dead. How do you think?"

"I am sorry." Jason said into the phone as tears slipped from his eyes.

"Got to go Jace. Will let you know when we get on the plane just wanted you to hear it from us."

"Thanks Ray."

"Give Victoria our love." He said before hanging up the phone.

"Fuck." Jason mumbled.

"Tell me that it was worth it." Victoria said.

"He saved Bravo. Bravo saved them."

"And Clay?"

"Is a fighter." Jason said.

"He is okay?" Emma asked, walking outside with Hannah."

"He will be."

"What about you?" Victoria asked Jason, he may have been there to tell her her husband died, but he had just lost his wife and Adam was one of his oldest friends...losing him was something she had prepared herself for from the day she met him. She knew it was going to be horrible but she would have the full support of the Navy and as a family they had planned for this. Jason losing Alana...her best friend...that was not something that was ever even thought about.

* * *

"I want to commend you all. Losing Adam and going on saved lives..." Erik told Bravo. "We're wheels up in four hours. Hit the showers, anything else that needs doing. Thank you. For being the absolute best. Even on the worst day."

The team slowly made their way into the showers, not shying away from the tears they were shedding. As the men of Bravo stripped their bloody and dirty clothing Clay felt the pain more and more, in his body and in his heart and as he watched the blood...Adam's blood...swirl down the drain he felt the air stripped from his lungs. Hearing his cries Sonny, beer in hand, punched the wall as the grime washed off his body. They had lost their leader, but he had almost lost his best friend.

The team was all aboard the plane long before wheels up and Clay was getting stiffer and stiffer as the adrenaline wore off. "Need something for the pain?" Trent finally asked him after they were in the air.

"I need to be here for Adam." Clay said, looking in front of him to the flag draped casket.

"Okay." Trent said handing him a couple pills and a bottle of water.

"Okay." Clay said as he swallowed them and leaned his head back against the straps and closing his eyes.

"It starts hurting worse or gets hard to breathe you tell me." Trent said, sitting down a few feet away.

"It has been hard to breathe."

"Hard or hurts?"

"Is there a difference?"

"Do you feel like you are getting enough oxygen?"

"Yeah."

"Can you take a deep breath?"

"Yeah."

"If either of those two things change you let me know."

"Okay." Clay said, closing his eyes again...he didn't want to look at the casket but at the same time could not leave Adam behind again.

* * *

"You've been staring at me ever since we left." Jason said to Emma as he turned on to their street.

"I know." Emma mumbled.

"What, did I say something wrong?"

"No. It's just, I get it."

"You get it? Okay. What do you get?"

"Your job. I used to think you couldn't give it up because it was all about you. Like you needed to be some kind of superhero. But it's not about you, is it? It's about everyone else. You do it to help other people." Emma said, her Mom never understood that...if she had then she wouldn't have been so angry at him.

"I do it to serve, Emma. I do it to serve." Jason said, not wanting to have this conversation...not now...not ever.

"I'm sorry Mom never understood that."

"Your mom understood. She understood in her own way." Jason told her, and she did...she just didn't like it.

"You can't give it up, Dad. I know you did. Why else would you have brought all that stuff home?"

"I have to do what's best for my family."

"Bravo's your family, too."

"Decision's been made, Emma."

"And the fact that you made it is all I ever needed." Emma sighed as they pulled up to their house, "To know you'd leave, for us. And you did." She knew nothing in the military ever happened fast and even if he did decide he could undecide.

"We're not talking about this." Jason said as he walked toward the house...toward the garage...his safe place.

"We are. I am." She said pushing her way into her Dad's face.

"I can be killed. I go back, I can be killed. Then what? What happens to you? What happens to Mikey?" He yelled, throwing her greatest fear into her face.

"Dad, it's better for me and Mikey to have all of you part of the time than part of you all of the time. You leave the team, you'll rot. You'll just fade away, and we'll have to sit here and watch it happen. You'll never be you again. And I love you the way you are." She yelled right back and Jason knew what she was saying was more final and more decided than any decision he could ever make on his own.

"I love you, too. I love you, too." He said, pulling his daughter into him.

"Whatever that means Dad...You call Harrington back and you tell him you are on Bravo...that we will be fine."

"Emma if I do that I cannot change my mind again." Jason told her.

"I don't want you to. Gramma and Aunt Naima can help with Mikey when I leave for college and I can do everything until then."

"Emma you could get into Harvard."

"I never wanted to go to Harvard."

"Okay."

"I need to know you have all of your family...not just part. I do not want to be the reason you had to choose."

* * *

"Can I help you find something?"

"A priest."

"Why is that?"

"Well, we're losing people left and right. It's a curse. No other way about it."

"No such thing as a curse."

"Says the curse himself. You know, since you've been here, Jason's gone home, Clay's been shot, and Adam's in a box."

"Would you feel better if you took a swing at me?"

"No, hippie. I'm a peacekeeper. Got my own way of coping." Sonny said grabbing his bottle of Maker's Mark and finding somewhere to sit down and cope.

"Thanks for stepping up, man." Clay told Ray when the man walked over to him.

"Never easy to push through when a friend goes down. You recovered."

"Too little, too late." Clay mumbled and Sonny looked over at the two, everyone did. Of course the Kid blamed himself...Jason probably did too.

"You stepped up when I was almost willing to take no for an answer. You're the reason Adam's coming home with us."

"I'm the reason he's in a box. We were close to that S-vest because I slowed us down."

"This isn't about you, Clay. You want to order the chaos. You can't. Here's the truth: it was Adam's time. We all have a time."

"You know the thing that really gets me is that he ripped me a new one for diving on a grenade in a Green Team drill. Now he goes and he does a thing like this." Clay said, angry...they didn't get it...it was his fault. He was shot. He slowed them down.

"Don't. Don't you dare. You know, long before he was your Green Team instructor, Adam drafted me to Bravo. He was my first team leader at DEVGRU. And he died saving our lives, so if you give a damn about honoring his memory, don't second-guess him. Or yourself. Just remember what he taught us." Ray told Clay as they looked over at the flag draped casket.

"My nation expects me to be physically harder and mentally stronger than my enemies. If I get knocked down, I will get back up, every time. I will draw on every remaining ounce of strength to protect my teammates and to accomplish our mission. I'm never out of the fight. We demand discipline. Discipline." Sonny started, holding a bottle in one hand and a shot in the other.

Ray joined in, "We expect innovation. The lives of my teammates and the success of our mission depends on me."

And then the entire team, "Our training is never complete. We train for war, we fight to win. I stand ready to bring the full spectrum of combat power to bear in order to achieve my mission and the goals established by my country. The execution of my duties will be swift and violent when required, yet guided by the principles I serve to defend. Brave men have fought and died building the proud tradition and feared reputation I am bound to uphold. In the worst of conditions, the legacy of my teammates steadies my resolve and silently guides my every deed. I will not fail. Through these fields of destruction Baptisms of fire I've witnessed your suffering as the battle raged higher and though they did hurt me so bad in the fear and alarm you did not desert me My brothers in arms.

When they finished they noticed Clay was the only one not standing and Sonny and Ray went back over and sat down on either side of him. "Long flight Goldilocks, why don't you get some sleep?" Sonny asked.

"Hurts." Clay told him.

"I know." Sonny said, scooting over on the straps, "Lay down." Clay looked at him and around at his team, his family and when he saw a sea of nods he did just that, resting his head on Sonny's thigh he laid down and closed his eyes. As he closed his eyes Sonny started to run his fingers through his messy blonde curls, smiling slightly when Clay's lips parted in sleep.

"What happened wasn't his fault." Ray said. "He was shot."

"Did you see the massive bruising on his chest?" Sonny asked. "When I walked into the shower I saw it and it covered his whole fucking chest."

"If I would have known how badly he was injured I would have waited for the casevac and sent him with Adam."

"You and I both know he is too stubborn to have gone." Sonny said shaking his head. "Losing Adam...Clay getting hit...Jason is blaming himself."

"No doubt."

"Harrington just said that Jason will be bringing Victoria, Hannah and Emma to the field when we land." Erik walked over and told them, "Also said he had been thinking about standing down permanently before he knew Adam was gone."

"Emma wont let him." Clay mumbled. "Too stubborn."

"Think you are right Golden Boy." Sonny smiled at the youngest member of Bravo.

"All of you should get some rest. Will wake you up when we are coming in." Erik said before walking back over near Mandy and Lisa.

* * *

"If Hannah is going then so am I." Emma screamed at her father as he pulled on his camo shirt.

"You do not need to see that."

"Adam was my best friends Dad...and I freaking grew up with him. I am going." She yelled.

Jason had already told Harrington that the four of them would be there, but he still hoped to talk her out of it. "You should stay here with Mikey."

"Shut up and lets go before we are late." Emma argued as she walked out the front door and climbed into the passenger side of the truck. Jason shaking his head as he climbed in. "Don't. You don't get to pick and choose what parts I am allowed to or not to see. If you are doing this than we are all in."

"I am your Dad and I want to protect you."

"I don't need protecting." Emma argued, this time with a softer voice.

Once Victoria and Hannah were in the truck the drive to the base was in silence. Once they were parked on the airfield Jason turned to look at them, "All you have to do is stand there...and you do not have to be there at all." Jason explained what it was going to look like and when he looked at his daughter all he saw was her mother...in her face...and in her attitude.

"Can we say hi to the guys?" Hannah asked.

"Once the casket is loaded into the truck then yes."

"Will we go with the casket?" Victoria asked.

"No, but if you want time before they take him you can. You will also be able to see him once he is prepared if you want to."

"I don't want to see him." Hannah said and Emma reached over and took her hand. "I want to remember him how he was before he left."

"Dad are you going to help carry him off the plane?" Emma asked.

"I am."

"Thank you." Victoria said as they walked over towards the flags as they heard the plane coming in for a landing.

Hannah and Emma stood on either side of Victoria as Jason walked towards the ramp onto the plane, disappearing into the shadows from their view and Jason took his spot at the lead, Ray and Clay stepping back and Kairos stepping to the side. As the team crouched and lifted the casket they could all hear the cry of pain from Clay as they stood up and it broke them all to hear him in so much pain and yet needing to shoulder the burden.

They walked the casket down and set it on the awaiting cart before turning and saluting the casket before the bases team took him to the truck to be loaded. Jason then turned and saluted Victoria and Hannah and the rest of Bravo followed doing the same. Finally after the truck with Adam's body left Jason pulled Victoria into him and held her as she cried. Emma running over to Clay and pausing before plowing into him he pulled her into his chest and held tight to her, crying into her hair. "It wasn't your fault." She whispered to him.

Ray walked over to Hannah and pulled her into a hug and held her, the man had known her since she was a toddler and as strong as she was trying to be she was still just a little girl who lost her Dad.

Sonny walked quickly over to Emma seeing Clay lean heavily into her for support and trying to lead them back to Jason's truck before Clay collapsed on the asphalt. "Sonny why is he breathing weird?" Emma asked him when he put one of Clay's arms around his shoulder.

"Because it hurts for him to take a deep breath." Sonny told her with a grimace.

"Ray can take us home. You take the kid to the hospital would you?" Victoria said, looking over and seeing Emma and Sonny practically carrying him towards his truck.

"Doesn't need a hospital unless he can't take a deep breath in. No bones were broken but his sternum and four ribs are cracked." Trent told Jason. "Body armor did it's job."

"All of you are welcome to come back to our place." Jason said, looking between Ray and Victoria, "Wives, kids...everyone."

"Jason you don't have to do that." Victoria told him.

"You and Adam...you guys are family. Emma and Hannah... everyone will come to the house." Jason said, pulling her in for one more hug before jogging off after Emma, Sonny and Clay.

"Can you climb up?" Jason asked Clay as he opened the passenger door.

Clay nodded but didn't speak, his face showing the obvious pain he was in. "Emma climb in and I will put the seat back...make him take deep breaths." Sonny told her as she climbed in the back before Sonny and Jason helped Clay climb in.

"How in the Hell did he finish the mission if he is in this much pain?" Jason asked once everyone was in the truck.

"Damn kid is more stubborn than you...we didn't know how bruised he was until after we met with Blackburn and you have seen how he comes down from adrenaline..."

"I had to." Clay choked out.

"Had to my ass. You get hurt your tell your..."

"I couldn't." Clay said as he turned his head to look at Jason. "I was Bravo 2."


	18. Chapter 18

"I couldn't." Clay said as he turned his head to look at Jason. "I was Bravo 2."

At that comment it was like all of the air was sucked out of the truck. Emma knew it was her fault because she was the one who kept her Dad home. Sonny knew it was his fault because he didn't have Clay's back the way he should have. Clay knew it was his fault because he was the one who gave Adam the idea to dive bomb the s-vest when he was in green team. But worst of all Jason knew it was his fault, he was the team leader, if he wouldn't have been pissed at Ray then Alana wouldn't have gone to get him beer...if Alana wouldn't have gone then she wouldn't have died in that car accident...if she hadn't died then he would have never missed the spin up...what happened was on him and he couldn't keep the tears from falling from his eyes as he drove his truck full of his family back to his house.

Emma reached around the headrest of the seat squeezing Clay's shoulder as they turned onto their street trying to get him to relax. She could see as the last of the adrenaline wore off and he was going downhill fast. "You start over now. No one's fault...just find a way to move forward." She said, looking between her dad, Clay and Sonny. "You guys can't keep doing this...you need to get your heads back in the game."

"Not so easy." Sonny said.

"Not so hard." Emma told him.

"That was word for word one of the last conversations I had with Adam." Clay mumbled as Jason put the truck in park.

"Get in the house, Clay you need to go lay down." Emma instructed.

"I don't need to lay down."

"Correct me if I am wrong, but when someone has blunt force trauma to their chest a doctors instruction typically is to get your ass in bed and stay there." Emma barked and Jason snorted.

"Your daughter." Sonny smirked as he climbed out of the truck behind his team leader, letting Emma out after him and watching as she ran around the truck to opened the door for Clay.

"Blame her Mother for that." Jason smiled.

"Deep breath before you turn." Emma told him.

"I'm fine."

"Sure you are."

The look Clay gave to Emma was intense and when he nodded his head at her it showed exactly how much trust he had her...and how much pain he was actually in to be that vulnerable with Jason and Sonny watching. Jason held Sonny back when he went to try and help. "They are fine." Jason mumbled, he wanted to see his daughter in action after hearing what all she did at the VA and knowing her relationship with his guys, especially Clay.

"Ready?" Emma asked Clay as she reached out her hand.

"Told you I'm fine." Clay mumbled, wanting to get in the house under his own power despite how much pain he was in. Suck it up was what Adam had told him, and that was what he was going to try and do.

"Whatever you say." Emma smirked, keeping her hand where it was and as soon as Clay stood up he sucked in a breath of air and grabbed ahold of her hand as if it were his lifeline. "Breathe before you pass out." She told him and put her other arm around his waist. After a beat she looked up at Clay, "Ready?" When he nodded she smiled, "Let's go." Jason and Sonny watched as she slowed down his pace and led him into the house.

"716?" Jason asked, getting into Sonny's face, "Kid said he was fine...that is not fine."

"Don't know how it didn't break his ribs...it was black and about the size of a soccer ball pre-flight." Sonny told him as they followed the younger two into the house. "Kid wasn't fucking breathing Jace...it wasn't right."

"Emma could see it...you know she has been volunteering and working at the VA Hospital since she was in middle school?" Jason asked Sonny.

"Didn't know it was a regular thing." Sonny told him.

"Take him upstairs." Jason told his daughter as he entered the house, easily catching up to them.

"Not sure if stairs are the best idea right now Dad."

"Fine. Bed. Now." He said pointing to his room.

"Mm fine Jace." Clay said, standing up a little straighter.

"Really? You think so?" Jason said getting into his face and roughly lifting up his t-shirt to see the bruising for himself, shocked at how black the bruising was. "Bed. Now." He growled.

"Come on." Emma rolled her eyes, leading Clay into her parents bedroom where he sat down on the bed. "For real...how bad does it hurt?"

"I'll be fine." He said, looking up to see who else was in there with him, seeing that Jason and Sonny hadn't come in yet he looked down at his hands.

"I know you will be fine...right now...on a scale of papercut to dead how bad is it?"

"I took a round to the chest...it hurts." Clay said, not looking up.

"Hey." She said as she sat down next to him, "Don't shut me out."

"They were barely older than you and Hannah...we couldn't stop..." Clay said, looking at Emma with tears in his eyes.

"You are home now." Emma kicked off her shoes and watched as Clay struggled to untie and kick off his boots. "You have anything to give him for pain?" Emma asked her Dad who was standing in the doorway watching.

"Sonny?" Jason asked.

"Trent gave him some on the plane and he was fine. Refused to take anymore because he wanted to help carry Adam off."

"Kit in the kitchen...Call Trent and grab whatever he says to give."

"He needs more than a Tylenol." Emma told him.

"Ask Trent." Jason barked to Sonny who was already halfway to the kitchen. "You. Lay down." Jason said, walking over closer to Clay and Emma.

Clay curled himself up on the bed and Emma covered him with a blanket before scooting behind him and putting her hand on his arm. When Sonny came back with water and medicine he handed it to Clay who quickly chugged it and dropped his head back on the pillow, rolling back so he was laying against Emma's leg with his eyes pinched shut. "Adam...I couldn't...I couldn't save him." He said, terrified that Jason would be angry at him...he was the one who told him to stay home...that they would be fine.

"Not your fault." Jason, Emma and Sonny said at the same time and Clay choked on a sob before clutching his chest because it hurt.

"Dammit Kid..." Sonny mumbled, he hated that Clay blamed himself, hated that he was hurting...hated that there really wasn't anything he could do to help him.

"Got you." Emma said as she squeezed Clay's shoulder and he rolled towards her and buried his face in her leg, "Can you guys uh...don't think he needs an audience right now and I know everyone is headed this way..."

"You have your phone?" Jason asked his daughter and she pulled it out and waved it at him. "You need me you call. Do not leave him."

"I've got him." Emma promised.

"Counselor told me you, uh, that you volunteer at the VA...why didn't you tell me that before?" Jason asked with a sad smile.

"Because you would have told me you didn't want me to see the..." Emma started to answer.

"Something changes. You call me." Jason said before gripping Sonny's shoulder and walking out, of course he had called around to see what it was that she did at the VA and he now knew she there was no point in hiding anything that he did from her because she had seen the worst of it, he also knew that as much as he and Sonny wanted to be in there to physically see that Clay was still alive and breathing they were not of any practical use and Clay would be more likely to relax if they weren't in the room.

"He didn't know you worked there?" Clay asked.

"No. Mom said he would flip out if he knew and since he is always at work when I am there it wasn't exactly hard to hide."

"I am sorry." He said, looking up at her with tears in his eyes.

"What you guys do...I know it is dangerous...but it is who you are...fighting through this..." She said setting her hand against his chest, "...to get Adam home to Hannah and her mom...God Clay...when I heard Adam was killed...I knew...I knew you were right next to him when it happened..."

"It didn't hurt like this there."

"The power of adrenaline...natural and I am guessing injected...Dad said it paralyzed your respiratory system...and then the blast from the vest not that long after...Did you sleep on the plane at least?"

"Little...Trent gave me something...Sonny...pillow..." Clay said through a yawn as the medicine started to kick in.

"Okay." She said as Clay snuggled into her, putting his head on her leg she started to run her fingers through his hair.

"Stella's gonna freak out." Clay mumbled.

"You tell her you were home?"

"No."

"Clay...when she sees Adam on the news..."

"You call her?" He asked as he closed his eyes.

"Gimme your phone." She said and he reached into his pocket and pulled it out, his arm too heavy to hand it to her it sat on his stomach as she felt the full weight of his head slump on her leg. "Passcode." She said, leaning forward to grab it.

"Hmm?" He mumbled.

"Passcode." She repeated, moving her leg so he would wake up enough to give it to her.

"Your house and birthday." Clay mumbled and Emma rolled her eyes when she typed it in.

"When did you change it?"

"After the funeral." Clay said, reaching for his chest under his shirt, the bottom edge of the bruise showing as he rubbed his hand back and forth.

"Leave it alone." Emma mumbled as she scooted down on the bed.

"Hurts." Clay mumbled as he wrapped his arm around her waist, his face now in her stomach.

"I know..." She said as she ran her fingers up and down his back.

"Safe now." Clay mumbled as his hold on her relaxed.

"What did Sonny give you?" She asked as she brushed her hand over his scruffy cheek. Entering her house and her birthday into his phone and went to the contacts to call Stella, surprised that there were very few other contacts even in his phone. Dialing her number she took a deep breath.

"Are you back?" She answered.

"This is Emma." She answered.

"Did he leave his phone?"

"No...he is here." She said nervously, "They got back a little bit ago but..."

"Is everyone okay?"

"Adam was killed and Clay...Clay took a round to the chest...body armor did its job and it didn't penetrate but he is pretty sore..."

"Is he in the hospital?"

"No...our house...if you want to come by..."

"Yeah, uh, I will head over there after my next class finishes. Should I bring him anything?"

"He doesn't really need anything...he can use Dad's stuff."

"Okay. I will see you in a couple hours...thanks Emma."

"Stella?"

"Yeah?"

"He is going to be okay...just really sore and a wicked bruise."

"Really?"

"Yeah. We will see you soon." Emma said before hanging up the phone. Feeling Clay tense up she frowned, "I got you...you get that? No matter what." Emma told him knowing that he was worried about Stella freaking out and he quickly relaxed into her.

A short while later Hannah stuck her head in with Sonny and Victoria, "How's Peter Pan?" Sonny asked.

"You guys can come in." Emma said as she held her hand on his back his arm hung limply around her waist, passed out from the medicine.

"Didn't know if you wanted to watch a movie." Hannah smiled as she pulled the box set of Harry Potter out from her back.

"Always." Emma smiled, "Sonny you want to watch with us for a bit?" She knew why Sonny came with Hannah when she knew the house as well as her own.

"Uh...yeah...guess so." He said as he walked a little closer to the bed as Hannah popped in the first dvd, plopping onto the bed and snuggling up next to Emma.

"Sonny lay down and make yourself comfortable would you...we don't bite." Emma told him.

"I don't want to...uh...I don't want to hurt him." Sonny said looking at Clay.

"He is out...and you aren't going to hurt him just by sitting on the bed." Emma laughed and Sonny finally came over and laid down across the foot of the bed.

"Why don't you lay where you can see the movie?" Hannah asked as she set a pillow down between her and Emma.

"Sonny just wants to be close to Clay...doesn't care about the movie." Emma said moving her leg and kicking Sonny's back. "He is going to be fine you know." Emma told him, cocking her head to the side when Sonny looked up at her. Seeing the fear in his eyes she reached her arm down and wiggled the pillow so it was next to her hip, "Lay down."

Sonny moved up and laid his head on the pillow, laying on his side so he could watch Clay breathing, Emma and Hannah both giggling when he fell asleep pretty much as soon as his head hit the pillow. "I don't know how they do it." Hannah said finally, "Everyday they risk their lives...see their friends lose their lives...giving up their own lives...for strangers...but I guess you can just as easily die at home...it just doesn't make sense."

"The last year has been hard for them...like really hard...they are having to learn how to deal with stuff and that isn't something you learn in the Navy."

"I guess." Hannah said. "Losing your mom...and now my dad...I really don't know which one is going to be harder for me."

"It all just sucks." Emma told her, reaching out and holding her hand.

"Hey!" Jason said, sticking his head in the room and freezing in his tracks seeing both Sonny and Clay asleep on his bed, "How long has he been in here?"

"Sonny showed me where your room was." Hannah answered with a shrug and an eye roll.

"He out?" Jason asked, nodding towards Clay.

"Yeah. I called Stella for him...she is going to come by later...scared her when I told her he got hurt."

"You called?" Jason asked wondering why he didn't call himself.

"Drugs were kicking in...he said he hadn't talked to her yet...with the news coming out...figured she should know that he was okay."

"Oh...uh...yeah...thanks." Jason mumbled.

"Everyone here?"

"Yeah. Grandma and Mikey are going to the store to pick up stuff for dinner. She flies back tomorrow...we don't have an exact date for her to come back."

"I forgot about that...with everything..." Emma said, "Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"With this are you guys going to be home for a while?"

"Month or two probably."

"Mr Hayes?"

"Yeah?"

"When is my Dad's funeral going to be?"

"Next friday."

"So in a week?"

"Yeah."

"And a wake?"

"Our house is open...Victoria...uh your Mom wants to keep that stuff out of your house."

"Why is losing my Dad easier than losing Alana?" Hannah asked with tears in her eyes. "Even for me..."

"It's not...but working...doing what we do...we know the risk...so when it is our time...it isn't as shocking." Jason said, walking over and sitting down next to Hannah and pulling her into him, "Hannah your Dad...he died saving Bravo...and because of that they were able to go and rescue all of those college students...your Dad died a hero...doesn't make it easier or harder...it is just different."

"It isn't fair." Hannah cried quietly, "Losing Alana...then Dad...it isn't fair."

"No...Kiddo it's not." He said as he kissed her head as he held her into his chest knowing that if the situation was reversed Adam would be right there for his kids. Once Hannah had calmed down again Jason moved to get up, "I'm just gonna..uh, check on the guys."

"Whatever you say." Emma gave her dad a look that clearly said she knew better, "When Stella gets here will you just text me...I will send Hannah out to bring her in here."

"Yeah...uh...he needs to rest too." Jason said, nodding to Sonny before walking out.

"He really blames himself for everything doesn't he?"

"Yup." Emma said sadly, "Didn't see before...he doesn't do this for himself...he does it to keep them safe...and when they aren't...he thinks it is his fault."

"How old were we when Sonny and Ray joined Bravo?" Hannah asked when Sonny rolled in his sleep and slung his arm over Emma, fingers now on Clay's arm.

"Around the same age as Ray's daughter." Emma smiled, "Never saw this side of them until Clay joined though."

"Dad was always talking about him when he was in green team...kept saying he was your Dad's cloan...cocky and too good at everything."

"I don't think he is cocky...he just knows he is good at what he is doing and speaks up about it...biggest thing I have seen is that when he is around everyone else acts human and less cocky." As Hannah switched the dvd from the first movie to the second Emma's phone buzzed, "Can you go get Stella?" Emma asked her.

"Yeah...uh should you wake them up?" Hannah asked.

"No...if she wakes them up then fine but if us talking hasn't woken them up so..."

"Okay. I will be right back." Hannah said walking out of the room.

"Hey, Stella is here." Emma told Clay as she ran her fingers through his hair. He nodded slightly but didn't open his eyes.

"Scared..." Clay mumbled as he nuzzled into her side, trying to push up a little but too sore and drugged to move on his own.

"You uncomfortable?" Emma asked and when he nodded she folded her knee up and scooted so she was sitting up a little higher, "Take a deep breath for me." She said before lifting him up and moving her leg around so she was now holding him. Seeing Sonny's eyes pop open at the movement she smiled, "That better?" Clay curled his legs up and leaned his head into her neck, flopping an arm around her neck and she propped up her knee to better support his back and he mumbled an affirmative, his head dipping back as his lips parted and she knew he was out. "Stella's here." Emma told Sonny.

"Want me to go?" Sonny asked her, now sitting on the bed.

Emma grabbed the pillow and put it on her hip by Clay's knees, "No, I want you to lay back down and get some rest, if being closer to him makes you feel better then that is where you should be."

Sonny scooted up and laid his head down on the pillow, putting his hand back on Clay's knee, "Alana held me like that after I got shot...was the only way I could sleep...my mom and sisters...they all flew in but it was Alana...she got me through."

"I remember." Emma said, putting her hand on Sonny's shoulder, she had been around Mikey's age, always the peace keeper she forgot how close him and her mom were and never once thought to see how he was the whole time he had been comforting Mikey over the last couple weeks. Hearing Sonny's breathing change and knowing he was crying she squeezed his shoulder, "She loved you...we love you and she would be doing the same thing with Clay if she could...but since she isn't here and you guys took care of me...I am going to do the same for you guys." Emma whispered to him and she saw him nod. "We will get through this Sonny...promise you...okay?" He moved so that his face was hidden in his arm and the side of her leg and she held his shoulder tighter as the bedroom door swung open.

"How did you get put on babysitting duty?" Stella smiled as she walked in.

"Naima wasn't here yet." Emma smiled, "And I've got all these guys wrapped around my finger."

"He on something?" Stella asked as she sat down next to Emma and ran her fingers through Clay's hair, his arm sliding down and head dipping back as he let out a soft snore.

Emma smiled, "Sonny gave him some pain meds." Keeping her hand on Sonny.

"Hey Sonny." Stella said, reaching over and squeezing his arm, she had spent enough time around him to know he wasn't okay.

Hannah seeing Sonny struggle to maintain composure covered him with a blanket and scooted close, putting her hand on his shoulder next to Emma's and squeezing it. As much as the guys wanted to act tough the girls knew it was a character they portrayed...that they all did what they did to protect the ones they loved the only way they knew how.

Stella, surprised that Clay didn't move when she touched him, or spoke, turned her attention back to Emma, "Is he really okay?"

"He was hit in the chest...it didn't penetrate, but the blunt force did crack his sternum and ribs and the bruising..." Emma told her.

"Can I see?" She asked.

"Clay...gonna lift up your shirt." Emma whispered to him and when he didn't move Stella gently lifted the shirt to show the spidery bruise that covered his entire chest.

"Oh my God." Stella gasped, sound barely coming out but Sonny choked on a sob.

"He will be okay...it will take a couple months probably before the bruise is gone but the cracks in the bones should be healed within the next couple weeks. He was lucky." Emma told them.

"Does it hurt as much as it looks...?" Stella asked, turning her eyes to Sonny.

"He is in a lot of pain...kind of like when a person has the airbag go off in a car accident...He is on heavy duty pain meds so he will sleep through most of it." Sonny said, lifting his head and showing his bloodshot eyes and tear stained face.

"Clay?" Stella said reaching her hand out and stroking his cheek, "Glad you guys are home safe." She told him.

Clay pulled his arm up and tucked it in his chest as he let out a snore as his head dipped back farther, Emma lifted her arm and his head flopped forward onto her chest, "Sonny what kind of meds did you give him?"

"Trent had me put morphine in the water and two vicodin."

"Seriously?"

"Wanted the kid to sleep."

"That will do it." Emma rolled her eyes.

"He needs to sleep...you sure he is going to be okay?" Stella asked.

"Yeah...until he was drugged he walked in here on his own...helped carry Adam's casket off the plane..."

"Hannah...I am so sorry...hearing Clay was...I didn't even ask about..." Stella said, looking at Hannah.

"It is okay." Hannah smiled sadly and Sonny reached his hand up and put it over hers. "Teams are family, we will be okay."

"Family...right..." Stella gave a sad smile.

"I know it means a lot to him that you came." Emma told her, as much as she liked Stella she didn't think that she was strong enough to handle being married to a team guy and knew that when she figured that out it would destroy Clay.

"Yeah, uh...I should probably go so he can rest...if he needs anything...let me know and I can bring it over."

"My guess is Dad will make him stay here for a few days...until he is up to argue...then he will let him go home but you can come over anytime."

"When will he have to go back to..."

"Monday. Blackburn said everyone reports in on Monday." Sonny told her.

"He won't be better by then will he?" Stella asked as she squeezed Clay's arm.

"We've all worked hurt." Sonny answered. "Won't deploy for a few weeks."

"Right...well, uh, if anything changes or he wants me to come back..." Stella said standing up.

"Hey Stella?" Emma said.

"Yeah?"

"He loves you...you know that, right?"

"I know." She said, looking down at her hands.

"Clay is family." Emma said, "You need to decide if you want to be a part of the family."

"I know." She said with a sad smile, "This...this scares me...I don't know if I am strong enough."

"Kinda the point of family...so we don't have to be strong all the time." Emma reminded her and she walked back in and leaned over Clay and wrapped Emma in a quick hug.

"You should stay and watch the movie with us." Hannah told her.

"Clay is lucky to have such an amazing family...I have a lot of papers to grade...I will come by in the morning with some of his clothes." She said before quickly walking out.

Clay moved his head over and pulled her arm around him like a security blanket as soon as she was out of the room and the move did not go unnoticed by Hannah or Sonny but no one said anything as Emma held his head into her, her chin on his head and shortly after he fell back asleep so did Sonny.

As the second movie was finishing Jason walked in, "You want me to bring food in here or do you want to go out there to eat?"

"When they wake up I will go." Emma said.

"Hannah?"

"I am with Emma."

"Two of you are awfully protective of my guys." Jason smiled.

"What?" Emma smirked, "It isn't normal for high school seniors to be laying in bed with Navy SEALs?"

"You have issues." Jason rolled his eyes at his daughter.

"That is what happens growing up with a team guy for a Dad." Emma stuck her tongue out. "Your fault."

"You should spend time with your Gramma before she leaves." Jason told her.

"Not like she isn't going to be back." Emma answered, not like she was going to leave Clay and he knew it.

"Emma."

"Dad."

"How are they seriously sleeping through the two of you." Hannah asked, trying not to laugh.

"They are used to it." Emma and Jason snapped at the same time.

Clay rolled back and then jerked forward with a moan, "Ehhuhhhhaahhh..."

Sonny popped up and stared at him, "Relax Sunshine. Kid just tried to roll over is all." Jason smiled, "Go back to sleep."

"Wasn't sleepin." Sunny yawned.

"Hurts." Clay choked out.

"You were sleeping, and no shit it hurts...you took a round to your chest." Emma said, rolling her eyes. "Clay when was the last time you ate something?"

"In Mumbai...had...uhhh a weird burrito thing..." Clay said.

"Kati Roll." Sonny told them.

"Go eat something." Jason told him.

"Not hungry." Clay mumbled.

"Not arguing." Jason told him.

Sonny, Hannah and him got up quickly before turning around to see Clay had not yet moved. "We will meet you out there, why don't you make us plates and have a chair ready for him. Emma looked at Clay, "Come on tough guy. Eat something then you can lay back down."

"Skin hurts." Clay said as he slowly sat up.

"Skin?" Emma asked as she crawled around and stood in front of Clay as he pulled his shirt off. Tracing the edges of the angry bruise with her fingertips she looked at Clay, "After you eat we can put some of the numbing cream on it and see if that helps...and we can ice it. It is the same size as when Stella was here and you are breathing fine..."

"My body armor is toast." Clay told her.

"It did its job." Emma said, "Now get up and let's go eat."

"I'm not hungry."

"Eat anyway." She said, tugging on his hand until he slowly stood up. When he started walking at a snail's pace Emma waved his shirt at him, "You putting this back on?"

"Hurts. No." He said.

"Okay Iron Man."

"Shut up..."

"It does kinda spider out." Emma smirked.

"Shit Spencer." Ray said when he saw the bruise on Clay's chest as he walked into the kitchen.

"Ignore him, have a plate for you at the table." Naima said as she pulled out a chair.

"You saw the bruise there...looks the same." Clay said as he sat down.

"No...it is significantly darker than it was...and bigger." Trent said, walking over and looking at it. "You still able to breathe okay?"

"It hurts." Clay mumbled, not liking the attention that was on him.

"When he is asleep he is breathing deep, no wheezing or whistling and the movement is smooth and steady, not jerky or shakey." Emma told Trent. "Pulse and respirations are normal, speed up when he moves but not enough to be worried."

"Does it hurt anywhere else?" Trent asked.

"Shoulders and my back I guess." Clay told him.

"You want to move so he can eat?" Emma smirked and Jason and Sonny started to laugh.

"Clay?" Victoria asked, "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"I should be asking you." Clay mumbled as he moved the food around on his plate.

"Hannah and I will be okay. The guys told me what you did...thank you."

"I'm not hungry." Clay mumbled, and Emma could see the change in his demeanor talking to Victoria.

"Hey." Emma said, sitting down in the chair next to him and grabbing a carrot off his plate. "Focus on me." She told him, "I take a bite, you take one."

"Okay." Clay said after searching her face and seeing only compassion he picked up and took a bite of a carrot.

Jason brought her a plate with everything on it that Clay had and squeezed her shoulders. Bite for bite the team watched in awe as Clay mirrored Emma's actions. When they finished Clay looked up at Emma, "Why don't you take some more pain medicine and use the bathroom before you lay down that way you don't have to get up for a while."

Trent was immediately there handing him two Vicodin, "Getting worse." Clay told him.

"Will probably be the worst tomorrow night." Trent told him. "They can give you more morphine if you can't sleep."

"Okay." Clay mumbled before swallowing the pills and slowly standing up and looking to Emma for permission.

"Thanks." Emma smiled at Trent, "You heard him, you need to sleep."

When Sonny got up to help Jason shook his head and froze him in his steps, "What the hell?" Sonny mumbled.

"Emma works in ambulatory inpatient at the VA...she knows what to do." Trent smiled.

"How do you...?" Emma heard her Dad ask as she followed Clay out of the room.

"I wrote her reference letter four years ago when she started." Trent told Jason.

"Four years ago?" Jason balked, "Alana knew and you..."

"Bathroom." Emma pointed to the doorway, "I will grab you shorts." Emma told him as she walked towards her dads dresser.

"What the Hell?" Clay asked when she walked in.

"You left the door open...and I could hear you weren't peeing so..."

"I can go to the bathroom by myself."

"I would hope so." Emma smirked. "I brought you the shorts I told you I was going to grab you."

"Oh." Clay said, leaning heavily into the counter.

"Take a shower." Emma said, walking past him and turning the water on for him and setting a towel on the hook.

"I don't..."

"Shower. I will be outside the door. You need anything I can help or I can call Dad." She said before walking out of the bathroom and sitting on the floor next to the still open door. A few minutes later she heard Clay mumble about her being a pain in the ass before he climbed in the shower. When she heard him get out of the shower she breathed a sigh of relief and moved over to the bed to give him slightly more privacy. No sooner she sat down did she hear her name and she jumped up, "Me or Dad?" She asked.

"You are fine." He mumbled and she walked in to find him with the towel wrapped around him and sitting on the toilet.

"Whatcha need?"

"Shorts?" He asked, not looking at her.

"It is okay to need help you know." Emma told him as she handed him boxer briefs and gym shorts.

"Not something I am used to." He said, looking up to her as he unfolded the boxers and struggled to put his feet through. Emma knelt down and took them from him and held them where it was easier then let him slide them up to his knees before doing the same with the shorts.

"Think you can manage the rest of the way?" She asked. He nodded and she turned her back to him but didn't leave. When he stood up and she heard the towel drop to the floor he put his hand on her shoulder and together they walked back into the bedroom. "Lay down." She instructed when he sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Emma?"

"Yeah?"

"I've never had someone take care of me...not since I was little..."

"I got you." Emma smiled at him, "That is what family is for, right?"

"The family I grew up with...my mom and dad...they weren't exactly the touchy feely kinda parents...and my grandparents...they did what they could but it wasn't..."

"Lay down would you." Emma smiled, putting her arm on his back, "I got you, just lean back, I won't let you go." She said as she helped guide him down.

"Will you stay?" Clay asked, so quietly that Emma barely heard him as she flipped the blanket over his legs.

"Yeah...let me go change and then I will lay down with you." She said, looking at the door as Sonny stuck his head in. "Sonny will sit in here with you until I get back."

"He okay?" Sunny asked her.

"Right here Sunny."

"Trent trusts her." He said as he crossed his arms and looking between Clay and Emma as if that were all the explanation needed...and it was.

"I am going to go change and then lay down with him."

"Doesn't sound fine." He mumbled, for Clay to need comforting...he wasn't fine. "You need her as much as she needed you." Sonny said sitting on the edge of the bed after Emma walked out.

"Fuck you Sonny." Clay said, closing his eyes.

"Didn't say it was a bad thing." Sonny said, reaching over and putting his hand on Clay's shoulder, "Makes you feel safe."

* * *

Emma quickly went upstairs and changed into leggings and one of her dad's Navy shirts that he never wore and came back down to find everyone from Bravo staring at her. "What?" She asked, ready to bolt into the bedroom after Clay.

"Everyone was surprised to find out you work at the VA." Jason said before looking at Trent, "Most everyone."

"Dad I have been volunteering there since middle school." Emma rolled her eyes and Hannah giggled. "Pretty sure the only one surprised was you."

"Alana raised her right." Victoria smiled at Emma.

"She has spent more time taking care of others than anyone I know...she keeps turning down job offers to work there because she chooses to do the same thing in a volunteer capacity." Naima told him and Emma looked at her surprised, she didn't know the job offers were public knowledge and she had only told Hannah.

"Are we really doing this right now?" Emma asked.

"You have somewhere better to be?" Ray asked, knowing already what she was going to say...damn that girl looked like her Momma when she was ready to fight.

"Laying down and watching Harry Potter so he will relax and rest."

"Watch his breathing and if the bruising moves to his abdomen he needs to go to the hospital." Trent said as he handed Jason two pill bottles and a water bottle. "Make sure he stays hydrated."

"What is wrong with Clay?" Mikey asked walking into the living room to find a crowd.

"He got hit really hard in the chest...but he will be okay, just needs to rest." Emma said, grabbing the water bottle from her dad. "You want to lay down and watch a movie with me and Clay?"

"Nah, it is still light out...I was going to go back out to play...just came in cuz I had to pee."

"Think you can take Sonny with you." Emma smiled, grabbing Mikey's hand as she led him into their parents bedroom.

"Hey Bud." Clay said, from the bed.

"What happened to you?" Mikey asked him, seeing the bruise.

Clay looked at Emma and when she nodded he looked at him, "I got shot."

"Your body armor stopped it?"

"It did."

"But you still got hurt?"

"Yeah...but I will be good as new in a couple days."

"Really?"

"Yeah Mikey...Clay's tough." Emma smiled, sitting down between Sonny and Clay.

"He knows he has you to make him better." Mikey smiled, "Sonny will you play hockey with me?"

"Uhhh...?" Sonny stammered, not wanting to leave Clay.

"I am fine Sunshine." Clay said.

"You need anything..." Sonny said, looking between Clay and Emma.

"We will be fine." Emma smiled, "Won't we tough guy."

"Fine..yeah." Clay nodded, he was exhausted and it hurt to think.

"Okay Boys...why don't you turn off the light one your way out." Emma said and Sonny got up and picked up Mikey over his shoulder.

In a fit of giggles Mikey flipped the lightswitch upside down yelling, "I like when family is home!" as Sonny pulled the door closed.

"Which one?" Emma asked.

"Huh?"

"Movie?"

"Third one."

"What is wrong with you?" Emma asked him as she switched dvd's.

"Numbing stuff?" Clay said quietly and Emma walked into the bathroom and grabbed the cream from the medicine cabinet before sitting down on the bed, the room dimly lit by the movie.

"Relax." Emma told him and he took a deep breath, but not without a grimace. "Where does it hurt?"

"Chest...obviously...but also my back, shoulders" He said looking at Emma, "and heart."

Emma nodded and crawled around the bed so she was sitting next to him and put some of the cream into her hand. Clay cringed when Emma touched his chest and she slowly started rubbing circles over the bruise until he grabbed her hand. "Okay." Emma said, setting the tube down and laying down next to him.

"They are scared." Clay said, "And Trent must trust you a hell of alot to leave me alone."

"Trent and Naima have known what I do at the VA since I started...they are the ones who have helped me go from saying hi and talking to people to getting to help taking care of people." Emma shrugged, "And it's not like Dad won't be in here to check on you."

"Should I be in the hospital right now?" Clay asked her.

"Probably...you did stop breathing...but since it has been practically two days since you were shot...seems kinda pointless now."

"How long was I out?"

"Didn't ask."

"Why?"

"Because you are here and I don't want to think about what could have happened." Emma told him.

"Did you tell Stella I stopped breathing?"

"No...she came when you were passed out earlier..."

"She freak out?"

"It scares her Clay...nothing wrong with that...scares me and I grew up with it."

"Losing Adam..."

"You were right by him."

"He pushed me back and then ran at the guy."

"S Vest?" Clay nodded. "Can't get the image out of your head?" Clay shook his head. "What can I do?"

"Take my mind off it?"

"So...this guy at school..." Emma smiled as she pushed play on the dvd.

"Am I going to have to beat this guys ass or..."

"We are friends." Emma rolled her eyes, "Anyway...he is already enlisted...even though he is my age...dead set on being a team guy...anyway, his best friend is like obsessed with Hannah and she totally is crushing on him and they want us to go to the spring formal together but I don't know...what do you think?"

"Do you like the guy?"

"I mean...I guess...we have been friends for years and he is nice but..."

"But you aren't sure you want to be in a relationship with someone who wants to be a team guy?" Clay asked, thinking about Stella.

"No...I mean...that is way past what I am thinking...sorta...my parents were younger than we are when they got together...so if I go to the dance with him should I be thinking about those things?"

"Clearly you have been thinking about it."

"I guess. I just...I never really thought about getting married or what my future would look like...but now it almost feels like I have to."

"You could always just go as friends." Clay said, "With your Dad...it'd probably be safer."

"Seriously?"

"Do you think he could make the teams?"

"No doubt."

"You that sure?"

"He is going to go to the Naval Academy. He is on the swim team and has broken records for our school. Lettered for track and wrestling. Straight A's and taking both spanish and japanese. His dad and grandpa were SEALs..."

"His Dad still on the teams?"

"Injured...died by suicide when he was six."

"You like him?"

"Told you we have been friends for years."

"Then I say go. Have fun."

"Can it really be that easy?"

"Yes."

"It doesn't seem like it."

"You know what you would be getting into...just have fun and if you end up spending your lives together then great...if not...you went to the dance with a friend." Clay said before yawning.

"Clay?"

"Yeah?"

"I am glad you are home."

"We weren't gone that long."

"Clay..." Emma said reaching out and putting her hand on his chest, "I am glad that you are home."

"Come here?" Clay asked reaching his arm out to the side.

"I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't." He said and Emma laid down and put her head on his chest.

"You sure?" Emma asked.

"I'm sure." He said, looking at the tv screen, "Thank you."

"Your welcome?"

"You uh, I haven't had family looking out for me since my grandparents...it's nice to have someone lookin' out."

"Are you high right now?"

"I'm serious...I've been on the teams...but I didn't have family..."

"Well I like having a big brother too." Emma said with a smile. "Now shut up and watch the movie, Dad will be in in a hour or so to give you more meds"

"That cream stuff worked."

"Pretty sure it was the Vicodin that worked."

"No...my skin before felt tight."

"If you want me to move I can." Emma said, rolling so that her back was against his side and her head was on his arm.

"Stay." Clay said, leaning his head down and Emma could feel his breath in her hair.

Once his breathing evened out and Emma knew he was asleep she hugged his arm to her, "I hope you know how loved you are."

"Love you too." Clay breathed as he rolled so she was wrapped in his arms, his arm limply laying over her as she closed her eyes.

* * *

"I want to check on him one more time before I head home for the night." Trent told Jason.

"You worried about him?" Jason asked.

"The breathing...no...just want to make sure he is actually sleeping."

Jason led him into his bedroom and opened the door, seeing the tv screen on Harry Potter he rolled his eyes, "Those two are obsessed with those dumb movies." He said looking over at the bed and seeing Clay wrapped around his daughter, both fast asleep. "Still worried about him sleeping?" Jason asked as he covered them with a blanket. "They are safe with each other..." He said reaching down to brush his daughters hair out of Clay's face but it only made him snuggle into her more and he couldn't help but smile.

"Not often I have seen that look on your face." Trent said, squeezing Jason's shoulder, "Your kids are safe." He said before turning around and walking out.

"My Kids are safe." Jason repeated before following Trent out of his bedroom.

* * *

"They okay?" Sonny asked as the two emerged from the bedroom.

"They are sleeping." Trent said, "Do not wake them up."

"Emma hasn't really slept since you guys left." Hannah said as her mom wrapped her arm around her. "We both had a feeling that something...that something was going to happen."

"We will get through this together." Jason told Hannah and she clung to him, "Anytime you want to be here...you are both welcome...whether I am here or not..."

"We should, uh, we should probably get home." Victoria said, fighting back tears.

"Okay, I will walk you out." Jason said before leaving with the two of them.

"He really sleeping?" Sonny asked when Jason was out of earshot.

"Go look for yourself, just don't wake them up." Trent shook his head, "I am going to head home, Brock?"

Brock whistled for Cerebus and as soon as he came running the three of them went out.

"Sonny for heaven's sake just go in there if you are that anxious." Naima told Sonny.

"I am not anxious." Sonny denied before walking very quickly into the room.

"You guys aren't exactly quiet." Emma mumbled when she saw the light from the hallway flood the bedroom.

"Is he?"

"Fifteen breaths per minute. Pulse 65." Emma mumbled. "You want to restart the movie for me?"

Sonny walked around the bed and picked up the remote and started the movie again, "So he is...?"

"He is fine. Sleeping." She told him, "You can lay down in here if it makes you feel better. I am sure Dad will be back in once everyone leaves."

"He really okay?" Sonny asked again as he laid down on the bed next to Emma as the movie restarted.

"Mmmm fine." Clay mumbled, tightening his arm around Emma.

* * *

"Where did Sonny go?" Jason asked when he walked back in a short while later to find Mikey, Naima, Ray and his mom around the table playing Clue.

"Went to check on the Kid and never came back out."

"None of you went to check on him?"

"If there was something wrong Emma would have called us in...and you know as well as I do that Sonny has an attachment to him." Ray said, giving Jason a look knowing that he was going to go right into that bedroom himself.

"You good Bud?" Jason said walking over and tousling Mikey's hair.

"I'm fine Dad...go in with them." Mikey rolled his eyes.

"Mom?"

"Go Jason. I will take Emma's room tonight."

"If you need anything..."

"Go. We are fine here." Naima smiled, "Take the pills with you though, and put the morphine in the water like Sonny did so the Kid will sleep through the night."

Jason went over to the cupboard and put a couple drops in before adding water and walking into his bedroom. "Dad can you get his medicine? He is starting to moan a little in his sleep." Emma said as soon as his shadow went into the doorway.

"I've got it." He said and watched as his daughter rolled around and went from Clay holding her to her holding him and sitting up slightly.

"Medicine." Emma whispered to him and he opened his eyes and looked at her, "You are okay, Dad just brought in your pain medicine." She told him and he nodded. "Need you to open your mouth." She said and reached out her hand grabbing the two pills and putting them on his tongue before putting the glass to his lips, "Drink it." She said and he brought his hand up and put it over hers as she poured the morphine infused water into his mouth. "You want the numbing stuff on again?" He nodded his head but didn't move. "Dad can you hand me the tube on the side table?" Sonny rolled over and handed it to her and watched as she one handedly opened it and put some in her palm before reaching her hand down and holding it to his chest, when he nodded she kept eye contact with him and spread it around.

"What is that stuff?" Jason asked.

"Calamine lotion." Emma told her dad, "He said it made his skin feel less tight earlier but won't interact with the medicine." She said as Clay put his hand on hers and she stopped moving, "Trick I learned a few weeks ago working with someone who was thrown in a blast."

"Is he okay?" Sonny asked, wondering why he was so quiet.

"Are you Sonny?" Emma asked, "He was shot in the chest, then watched Adam get killed right in front of him...it's not just his physical wounds that are hurt."

"She is holding him the same damn way that Alana held me after I was shot." Sonny said to Jason, "How the fuck does she know to hold him like that?" He asked, his voice breaking.

"Right here, right now we are all safe. Clay knows I've got him and that doesn't just mean physically."

"Mmmm safe." Clay mumbled as his head slid back on her arm and he moaned but didn't move.

"How much morphine did you put in the water?"

"The amount that Trent said would knock him out for the night." Jason answered. "He will need woken up for Vicodin at one and five. Morphine again five."

"Why don't you guys talk about what you need to talk about...not like he is waking up anytime soon and you two need to get it off your damn chest."

"Can't talk about it with..."

"I know it was an S Vest." Emma said, "He pushed Clay back into a truck and ran at the guy...I've been around long enough to turn bruises into what happened." Emma snapped as she leaned forward with Clay and moved her legs around so she was holding him more comfortably, his head on her shoulder. "Sonny I know Mom held you like this because it allows for the most contact and he can feel and hear my heart beat and when I breathe and it helps him to regulate his breathing...you do the same thing with little kids when they are upset...it isn't a special way of holding...it is just how you hold someone who needs to feel that they are safe."

"Emmmm safe..." Clay mumbled as he nuzzled his head into her neck.

"You shouldn't know this shit." Sonny said, laying back on the bed, his head laying next to her knee.

"Yeah well I do so deal with it." Emma said, tightening her hold on Clay, "You two...and Ray have known Adam my entire life basically...so if you won't talk then I will."

"What do you want me to say?" Jason asked his daughter.

"You lost Nate. You lost Mom. You lost Adam...and you came really fucking close to losing Clay. I can see that it affects you...but it doesn't feel the same to me... your brother, your wife...another brother...and your son." Emma said, pushing her limits, "Sonny is clearly affected by what happened...he hasn't been able to stay away from Clay...so lean into the pain...talk through it...figure out some way to talk to each other..."

"Jace?" Sonny questioned, his voice shaky.

"Don't ask him for permission to be human." Emma snapped. "It is okay to not be okay. You guys lost your brother...it is okay to be upset about it...and I am not talking about getting even...because I know that taking someone's life is a lot harder than you make it seem."

At that Sonny's breath hitched and Emma looked up to see the tears in his eyes and Emma reached her hand over and Sonny scooted into her and covered his face with his arm. "Dad...don't you get it?" She asked, "When you decided to stay...you were too scared to turn off the news...to answer the phone...to go to sleep...when you had to tell Victoria about Adam...I saw you cry as you told her...you guys are like the biggest badass fighters I have ever seen but you are still human so fucking start acting like it."

"She smart." Clay mumbled, trying to lift his head up and look at Jason, "safe here."

"Dammit Kid." Jason mumbled as a tear spilled from his eye.

* * *

After Naima put Mikey to bed she sent Ray to check on the guys before leaving and when he came back out he had tears on his face, "What's wrong?" She asked him.

"Go in and look." Ray mumbled as he sunk to his knees against the wall.

Naima and Linda walked quietly into the bedroom where they saw Jason's head leaning against his daughters shoulder, Sonny's head on Jason's chest and Clay practically on top of Emma and all had tear tracks down their cheeks. When Linda walked in further Emma looked up at her, "Can you restart the movie and hand me the remote?" She whispered, seemingly unaffected by the three men surrounding her.

As she walked around to get the remote Linda put blankets over her son and Sonny, "You got them to talk?"

"I did what I could." Emma said with a sad smile.

"They are scared but they trust you. For your father and Trent to leave you with Clay...they don't see you as a little girl anymore."

"I told Clay about the guy I was telling you about." Emma told Linda.

"What did he say?"

"Said worst case I go to the dance with a friend."

"You aren't your parents...but you have parts of each of them. Do what feels right and trust your gut...hell...you understand your father more than Alana ever did and she was his soulmate."

"I didn't see it until he lost Adam...Gramma he blames himself but it isn't his fault."

"All of the things they have seen...that they have had to do...none of it is their fault but it is a part of them now." She said, handing over the remote. "I assume you are sleeping in here tonight?" She smiled.

"Yeah. I can't leave them..."

"Just remember what they are going through is not on you."

* * *

Emma set an alert on her phone for one o'clock and when it went off she untangled herself from her dad and Clay and got up and went into the bathroom to get more water and the pain pills. When she went back into the room she found Clay staring at her and as he started to sit up she rushed back over to him and he held his fingers to his mouth and pointed to the door. Emma followed him out into the living room where he sat down on the couch, "Just needed to move." He finally said.

"Think you can go back to sleep?" She asked him as she sat down next to him on the couch.

"Morphine may knock you out but it doesn't take away the bad stuff in your head."

"Who?"

"Adam...Brian..." He said, the names catching in his throat and Emma leaned into him and he put his arm around her.

"I wish I could take that out of your head."

"Don't you see it? You do...when I am with you it is literally the only time I can forget about everything..."

"Except when you can't." When Clay leaned forward and put his elbows on his knees Emma leaned against his back, "You really should be laying down and resting your body."

"I don't want morphine anymore."

"Okay." Emma said.

"Really?"

"If you promise me you will rest and heal then yeah."

"They will give it to me still."

"No. I won't let them."

"Really?"

"Clay if you don't want it..."

"It does hurt."

"You can take the Vicodin."

"Now?"

"Yeah, if you want it." Clay nodded. "You ready to lay down again?" Clay nodded again and Emma stood up in front of him, kissing him on the forehead she went to get the medicine as he walked back into the bedroom. She handed him the pills and the water before walking over and switching to the fourth movie and starting it. Crawling back into her Dad's bed she laid her head on his chest next to Sonny and Clay laid down next to her.

"You good?" Jason asked, reaching his arm around and pulling Clay and Emma into him without waking Sonny.

"No more morphine." Emma told him.

"Okay." Jason said as he sleepily ran his thumb along Clay's jaw.

"We got you Clay." Emma said as she put her hand on Clay's chest and he leaned his head against hers.


	19. Chapter 19

_Thank you to those of you who have not only taken the time to read my story but to comment. For those of you whose comments have been supportive I send an extra big thank you. My focus on characters will shift as they line up with different episodes and I do not stay stuck on one thing long... the main point of this story is to show the softer side of the shows characters-the side that is almost completely OOC... but I will always keep my story in line with what the writers write because without those writers we would not have the characters we all love enough to seek out fanfiction to begin with. Having known military families, and families who have had similar losses I tie my writing in with that...a daughter trying to fill her mother's shoes, a husband who is having to learn how to be both parents, friends who have lost a friend. All of those things change a dynamic and that dynamic is a continuous evolution based on emotional response. I hope you enjoy this next chapter as it is all AU since the show skipped six weeks! Much love-AJ_

* * *

Linda walked into her son's bedroom early the next morning to find the four still asleep on the bed all curled around Jason. Squeezing his knee she whispered, "Need to leave in fifteen to the airport." As he blinked over his eyes she was impressed with his ability to untangle himself and climb out of the bed without waking the other three. Jason followed her out of the bedroom and into the living room. "I can call a cab so you can stay with them." Linda told him.

The glare that Jason gave she threw up her hands, "You aren't taking a cab Mom." He said, "They will be fine."

"Emma got you and Sonny to talk."

"She did." Jason told his mother, knowing exactly where the conversation was headed before it even started.

"She is still your child."

"Legally she is an adult." Jason said as the two walked out of the house, he wanted more than anyone for his children to never know the horrors of the things he had seen, his daughter was as strong willed as he was and she had found her way into his world despite every effort to keep her away from it.

"You are still my child." Linda said, putting her arm around her son.

"Love you Mom." Jason said as he pulled her into him, "I couldn't do this without you."

"You still have a long way to go...and when you go on your next mission..."

"We will figure it out."

"Emma still needs her Dad."

"We have a lot of people looking out."

"That is one thing you do have." She said, "But you need to remember that Emma and Michael are still young and need you."

* * *

Sonny jerked awake and Emma reached over and squeezed his arm without moving the rest of her body, Clay's back curled against her side. "Jace?"

"Guessing he took Grandma to the airport." Emma answered and Sonny nodded.

"Okay." Sonny said, relaxing back down onto the bed.

"Dream?" Sonny nodded, squeezing his arm again. "Safe here." She told him with a yawn.

"Coming home..." Sonny started, not wanting to go on anymore than he had to, especially after everything she had heard only a few hours before.

"I know it is harder for you than the rest of the guys...you know you can always be here...right?"

"Or Ray's or Davis's...I know..."

"Or mine." Clay mumbled without moving.

"Hurting Pretty Boy?" Sonny asked.

"No more morphine." Emma reminded.

"Okay." Sonny said as he stood up and went into the bathroom to get water and he quickly brought the glass over to Clay with the pain medicine. When Clay grimaced as he tried and failed to sit Emma moved around and expertly lifted him into a sitting position leaning against her. "How do you do that?" Sonny asked.

"Practice." Emma said as she massaged Clay's shoulders.

"What exactly do you do at the VA?" Sonny asked.

"I get the pain in the ass patients who refuse to do what they should be doing to do what they need to do." She smirked at Clay.

"I do what I am suppose to." Clay mumbled.

"I usually work with long term patients who are there to heal but also to do rehab...usually just hanging out with them and side tracking them while I get them to do what they need to do."

"Like how you got him to eat last night?" Sonny asked. Emma smiled.

"That was..." Clay mumbled.

"She was able to sit you up like you..."

"Practice." Emma smiled. "Not a party trick." She said, squeezing Clay's arm. "Now take the pain pills so we can get up and do something for breakfast."

* * *

The next two days were spent with Emma watching Clay like a hawk, basically being a shadow anytime he wanted to do something that he hadn't done since he had been shot. Jason tried to focus his time with his son playing hockey or tinkering with his car. Dinners each night were with the whole family, Sonny, Lisa and Stella joining. Monday morning as Emma got ready for school she managed to make breakfast for her dad, brother, Sonny and Clay and once everyone was in the kitchen she started her speech that she had been rehearsing in her head all weekend, "You need me to pick you up or do anything..."

"You are going to school." Clay and Jason both told her, stopping her in her tracks.

Scowling, Emma looked to her dad, "He should not be working yet."

"We are going to go over the AAR." Clay mumbled, no one had mentioned it but everyone in Bravo knew it was coming.

"Is Blackburn really going to make you watch the video of Adam getting blown up?" She asked.

"Emma." Jason said, walking over and putting his arms around his daughter. He didn't want to see it anymore than she wanted them to.

"You guys..."

"We will be okay." Clay smiled sadly, he knew that it was going to be hard and prayed that they only had to watch it once.

"No...you won't...none of you will...it isn't normal to watch your friend get blown up." Emma said as she fought the tears in her eyes.

"We will be okay." Jason said, looking between Sonny and Clay who walked over and put their arms around each other surrounding Emma.

"No...stop this...I swear if you come home tonight and pretend like you are fine I will kill you all." Emma said, pushing her way out of the three SEALs.

"Emma wait." Clay yelled after her as he chased her out the front door, Jason wanted to call her back but he knew he wasn't the one that she needed reassurance from.

She stopped and turned around and he almost slammed into her. "You are not suppose to..." She was going to yell at him for chasing her but he beat her to the yelling.

"Dammit Emma stop." Clay told her as he grabbed her shoulders. "We are going to be okay because at the end of the day we will all be back here together." he said fighting the tears in his eyes, he had to be strong...had to. It was not a choice. He had to watch the footage from their overwatch, he had to tell the brass what he witnessed. He had to.

"Promise me..." Emma said, wiping the tears from her eyes and leaning into Clay.

"I need to know that you are going to be okay so that I know I will be okay." Clay whispered to her as he relaxed his arms around her back. When she nodded he nodded, "Okay."

"Can you check in at least?"

"We won't have our phones when we are in there but I will make sure someone checks in when we can."

"I want to be there with you."

"You know that isn't..."

"But if you need..."

"Emma you already know and have heard more than you should."

"Bravo is my family."

"I know. And family sticks together...but you are in high school, you aren't a SEAL."

"It is bullshit."

"And you are going to be late for school if you don't hurry up and go." Clay smirked.

"Sometimes you really suck." Emma smiled at Clay.

"And you can be a pain in the ass." He smiled back.

"I am still going to worry."

"I know."

"If anything changes..."

"Emma I am fine. Can barely feel it anymore." Clay lied.

"You are full of shit."

"I want a burger for dinner."

"What are you Iron Man now?"

"Always."

* * *

Three different messages from her Dad, Clay and Sonny all saying they were leaving home, that they got to the base and they were going into the skif...then radio silence. When she finally got a text from Trent at noon she felt like she could breathe again. 'They are doing okay. Done around five.'

'Tell everyone to come over. I will pick up stuff for a bbq.' She sent back.

After school she picked up Mikey and the two of them did the grocery shopping and at five she fired up the grill. "Dad is the only one who is suppose to use that." Mikey told her.

"It is fine."

"Dad is going to be mad at you."

"He won't."

"Is he going to be grumpy when he comes home?"

"I think they will be sad when they come home."

"Sad?"

"Somedays work is harder than others so tonight the team is coming for dinner."

"Sonny and Cerberus are coming?"

"Yup."

"Do you want to help me with the burgers?" Emma asked with a smile. "Gramma said you were a pro at making them the perfect size."

"Yeah...and we should put some of the beer into the cooler...after work Dad likes to have a beer."

"Good thinking Mikey." Emma smiled, "You think you can do that?"

"It's not like it is rocket science." He rolled his eyes at his sister.

* * *

A quarter after five the team quietly walked through the front door and made their way out to the back patio where they found Emma and Mikey sitting by the grill and Emma smiled as she handed over the flipper to her Dad. "Don't know what we would do without you." He mumbled into her head as he pulled her into him.

"Love you too." She smiled, looking around to see that everyone looked like they had aged a decade in one day.

"Good choice with the burgers." Sonny tried to smile as he grabbed the flipper from Jason's hand and went over and parked himself in front of the grill.

"Go okay?" Emma asked.

"Was hard." He told her, "Really hard."

"Beer is in the cooler." Mikey smiled before he ran off with Cerberus.

"Emma?" Clay called quietly and Emma flipped her head around to look at him.

"Go Kiddo." Jason told her, pushing her towards the youngest member of his team.

Emma pulled up a chair next to him and sat down. "What did you tell him?" Clay asked.

"Huh?"

"Your friend...the guy...what did you tell him?"

"Oh...I said I would go."

"Really?" Clay grinned, somehow her being willing to go to the dance with someone who wanted to be a team guy gave him hope for him and Stella.

"Yeah." Emma smiled. "You hurting?"

"Tylenol this afternoon but I am okay."

"You talk to Stella at all today?"

"Text on our way here, was thinking about going home tonight." He shrugged.

"Dad know?" Emma asked.

"Yes."

"He is only going to let you if you don't go alone."

"He isn't going to get rid of me that easy." Sonny said, coming up behind Emma and squeezing her shoulders.

"When you are with Stella do not get frustrated when she is scared or sad...we almost lost you and it shows...nice and black on your chest."

"Are you okay?" Clay asked her and she leaned back into Sonny.

"I am okay if you guys are okay." Emma shrugged, she hated the idea of them leaving and just wanted to curl herself up in his lap and listen to his heart beating so she knew that he was really okay.

"Always." Clay smirked at her.

"Two of you are nerds." Sonny told them. "I googled that word...and it said that Snappy..."

"Snape." Clay and Emma both laughed, "Obviously."

"You guys spend too much time watching those movies."

"They were books first Sunshine." Clay laughed.

"Whatever." Sonny rolled his eyes, "Emma are you okay with me taking the Kid home?"

Clay looked at Emma and she shrugged, "Why are you asking me?"

"Asking you what?" Jason asked as he walked over.

"If I am okay with Sonny taking Clay home." Emma said.

"Doc looked at him today, said he was out of the woods." Jason shrugged. "Anything though...and I mean anything..."

"We'll call." Clay and Sonny said, looking to Emma even though it was Jason who said it.

"Okay." Emma said before quickly getting up and practically running into the kitchen.

It was clear that she was far from okay and they all knew she wouldn't be. "I got this." Sonny said as he got up and followed her in, standing with his elbows on the counter as he watched her dance around the kitchen getting out the fixings for the burgers that were on the grill trying to think about anything other than her guys leaving. "You are a hellova lot like your Momma." Sonny told her. The three had talked about Clay going home and knew it would be hardest on Emma and Jason and Clay both didn't know how to talk to her so Sonny said he would handle it, he just didn't think that she would look so damn similar to her mom...the woman who took him into her family when he was fresh off green team. The woman who held him when he was sent back to the hospital alone after being shot while the rest of his team still on a mission. Emma's mom...but also his family.

"What are you talking about?" Emma snappened.

"This..." Sonny said, waving his arm around, "refusing to sit still...wanting to take care of everyone...being damn good at taking care of everyone..." He said, his eyes welling up. When Emma looked up at him to find tears in his eyes she dropped everything that had been in her arms and leaned her head into her hands on the edge of the counter, "Miss her." Sonny mumbled.

Looking up at Sonny with tears on her face she said, "Mom would know what to say to you guys...to make this not suck so much and that makes it even worse because not only do I worry about you guys I have to do it without her to have my back."

As he walked over he held his arm out and she immediately hugged herself into him he told her, "Everytime I look at you I see your Momma...it is hard sometimes though...you are still a kid Emma...I know you aren't like other kids...but you are still a damn kid...and yes I can say that until you graduate...you shouldn't have to deal with any of this."

Emma mumbled, "Just promise me you won't act like I am just going to break or something."

"When I was your age I was getting screamed at for shooting out street lights with a bb gun...sneaking beer from the neighbors garage...making out with girls..."

"Sonny when you were my age you were getting ready for Great Lakes."

"Was talking about the night before I left." Sonny laughed.

"Seriously Sonny?" Emma laughed, "The night before you left?"

"I was leaving Texas and my Momma and sisters weren't the most supportive...knew I probly wouldn't be back..."

"Lost your home and freaked out before you even left?"

"You know it."

"Home is here...got it?"

"There you are being Little Momma again." Sonny smiled, pulling her back into him.

"Can't help it...you are family." She said, kinda liking the nickname.

"You are more protective of me and Blondie than you are the rest of Bravo."

"Ray has Naima...and Dad needs you and Clay to be..."

"I get it...was just pointing it out."

"Pointing what out?" Clay asked walking in, "Burgers are about done."

"That we are Emma's favorite." Sonny smirked.

"Really?" Emma rolled her eyes. "Take this stuff out there with you." She said handing him a plate of tomatoes and lettuce.

"I am pretty sure I am the favorite." Clay smirked as he grabbed the ketchup and mustard from the counter.

"Whatever you say Golden Boy." Sonny laughed, "Don't know what I would do without either of you."

* * *

"You keep checking your phone." Jason said, sitting down on the couch next to his daughter.

"Just want to know..."

"They are three blocks from his apartment." Jason smiled.

"Am I crazy?"

"I feel like this is a test." He smirked at his daughter.

"He is right."

"Who is?"

"Clay...Sonny...I don't know...they said that I am like Mom and Sonny even called me Little Momma but then in the same breath they tell me I am still a kid. I just...I don't...I need to know they are okay and I feel like I need to be the one to make sure they are and they let me but then once they are okay again you guys act like I am too young to know anything..."

"Just want to protect you." Jason shrugged, "Come here." He said as he put his arm around the back of the couch Emma leaned into him.

"I miss Mom." Emma mumbled.

"Me too Kiddo."

"If she was here I don't think it would be the same."

"Nothing would be."

"Do you think she would be proud of me?"

"Is that really even a question?" Jason asked, turning to Emma. "Of course she would be proud of you, we both are."

"I am scared about what is going to happen...Mom was helping me with all the college stuff and now she is gone and I don't know how to do any of it and if I leave for college then no one will be here to take care of Mikey."

"That isn't for you to worry about." Jason told her, he didn't know either but it wasn't his daughters job to raise her brother, he didn't want her to know that he had been looking at boarding schools for him to go to...it would be just as easy for him to travel to see his kids than it would be to try and figure something else out with how often he was deployed.

"Nothing is going to happen to me so it doesn't matter."

"Sure Dad." Emma said, leaning into his shoulder as she checked her phone right as a snapchat came through with Clay and Sonny looking like dogs and licking the screen.

"What the hell is that?" Jason laughed.

"Clay being dumb to make me smile." Emma smiled and Jason nodded. "Will you take one with me so I can send one back?" Emma asked, not waiting for an answer before finding a filter that gave them rainbow hair and as soon as Jason was looking at the phone she snapped the photo.

"This is really how you guys talk to each other?"

"Not always." Emma answered. "Do you think they are really okay?"

"Clay's chest is healing. Sonny hates being home. It shouldn't be something you worry about."

"Dad I have always worried about them...when a mission goes sideways...the dad that comes home...he is different...so we don't just worry about you...we worry about your guys, the type of things you have to do or see...we watch the news, movies, tv shows...do you come home all dusty or covered in bug bites...tan or sunburn or pale...not hard to put together what you are doing most of the time."

"I get it." Jason said, "I get it but I don't have to like it."

"Mom always hated watching the news...it scared her more but I got less scared if I didn't see something bad or someone was killed...like...you have been lucky that until Nate was killed you guys haven't really lost anyone...people retired or whatever but you didn't lose anyone."

"And in the last two years we have lost Nate, your Mom and Adam."

"Yeah...and almost lost Clay."

"Clay is fine."

"Dad he stopped breathing and I am not just talking about physical stuff...him and Adam were close...after Brian died...Adam was there."

"You don't think I know that?"

"So you know that they aren't okay but because you don't know how to fix it we just pretend everything is fine?" Emma rolled her eyes, "As if that has ever worked."

"What do you want me to say Emma?"

"That everything sucks. That you are pissed off. Scared. I don't know... just don't keep telling me everything is all sunshine and roses. I fucking hate roses."

* * *

"I've got the couch." Sonny said, laying down when Stella finally got to the apartment a little before midnight.

"You sure?" Clay asked.

"No offence Blondie but I have had enough emotions to last me a lifetime. Go, sleep...just yell if you need me." He said.

"Goodnight Sonny." Stella smiled as she handed him a blanket before heading into the bedroom, swinging the door but not hard enough for it to close. She knew that despite what either man said they didn't want to be too far from each other.

As Clay stripped his shirt off he looked up at Stella who looked like she was going to cry, "I am fine." Clay mumbled. "Barely even hurts anymore."

"I think the bruise is still getting worse." She said, "I uh...I got this stuff that is suppose to make it heal faster."

"What stuff?" Clay asked as he walked over to the bed.

"This." She said holding up a tube, "Can I put it on you?"

Clay looked at her and wanted to tell her she was crazy but then he thought about Emma's words...that bruise was a reminder that he could have come home in a box and even though he may be okay it is okay for her to be scared. "I guess." He mumbled as he laid down on his back. She crawled over and straddled his hips and he put his hands on her hips and smiled, "You have to kiss me first."

"Kiss fine...but we aren't going to have sex with him on the couch." Stella smirked, leaning over and kissing him.

"Thank the Lord for that." Sonny laughed.

"I've got some ear plugs he can use." Clay smirked as Stella opened the tube and squirted some of the slime into her hands. As she started to rub it on he about gagged, "That stuff smells like old lady in a tube."

"Guess I don't need those ear plugs after all." Sonny laughed as he shut off the lamp.

"Goodnight Sonny." Clay laughed back, "Where did you get this stuff?"

"Naima said it might help." Stella shrugged.

"I will have to remember to thank her the next time we see her." Clay said sarcastically.

"Are you really okay?" Stella asked as she set the bottle down on the side table and shut off the light before laying down.

"I am fine." Clay said as he stared up at the ceiling.

"Can I...uh...will it hurt if I put my head on you?" Stella asked.

"The smell might." Clay said as he reached out his arm and pulled her into him, "Stella I am fine. I promise."

* * *

Sonny was quick to fall asleep once they turned the light off in the bedroom but he was also quick to wake up when Clay came out and sat on the couch at his feet a couple hours later. He swung his legs over and put them on the coffee table and held out his arm and Clay leaned into him, curling up on the couch and closing his eyes. The two never speaking a word.

When he woke up the next time Stella was squeezing his shoulder, "He said Adam's name when he woke up." Sonny looked down at Clay's face, relaxed in sleep as he leaned into him, "I don't know if I can do this." She whispered with tears in her eyes, "I want to...I just...I don't know if I am strong enough." Sonny looked up at her and nodded, "I have an early class today. Have him call me when he can." Sonny nodded again and she left.

"Dammit Goldilocks...don't screw this up...she is a good one...really cares aboutcha." Sonny mumbled before laying his head back, there was still a half hour until they had to get up and it was too early to make this a thing.

* * *

"How you doing Brother?" Trent asked Brock as they walked into the cages after their workout.

"Okay I guess. Think we all had Adam for an instructor for something...just never thought...and what happened...it's a lot."

"Cerb seems to be taking it in stride." Trent smiled.

"Think he might be the only one."

"Jason's kids are sure growing up fast...Emma...I don't know what he would do without her."

"Didn't know you hooked her up with the job at the VA."

"Naima helped her get started there, I just saw her in there and saw how quick she picked up on stuff so when she was old enough to get trained I put her name on the list. Figured at some point one of us would need a little extra support and between the crash last year and the Kid..."

"They spend a lot of time together." Brock said, "You ever worry about her being attached?"

"Quite a few of her classmates are ROTC this year...she is in this whether she wants to be or not...not to the team level, but we were her age when we went through boot camp."

"Are we really that old?"

"Kid isn't even a decade older than her...I think it would be weird if they didn't connect at least a little. We have been spending a lot more time around the families since he joined Bravo I guess."

"We have always done barbeques...hell Jace and Nate..."

"Yeah but they came up together... not often Bravo would all be together multiple nights a week."

"How you doin boys?" Jason asked, walking in with a big grin on his face.

"What's up?" Brock and Trent asked at the same time.

"Next Monday we are back on rotation. Kid is cleared." Jason smiled. "Just talked to the Doc."

"You tell Emma yet?"

"Why would I tell Emma?" Jason asked...realizing why after about two seconds of thinking about it.

"Your Mom flying back?" Brock asked.

"Oh...uh...I haven't gotten that far yet." Jason shrugged, how did his team know this much about his personal stuff...they had never questioned things before. "We will figure it out."

"Things are different now Jace...just want to make sure..." Trent shrugged.

* * *

The night before Adam's funeral Clay and Sonny stayed over at Jason's, with the air mattress on the floor the five of them fell asleep to Goonies. No one spoke in the morning when their alarms all went off at the same time, they just did what they needed to in order to get ready. In the truck Emma leaned against Clay's shoulder and when they got there they took their place right behind Victoria and Hannah.

From the church to the cemetery and the cemetery back to their house it was quiet. Jason offered for Victoria and Hannah to join them back at the house but she declined...the two of them heading for the beach. By that evening the small chatter turned into alcohol induced debauchery and it wasn't long before Emma and Lisa were driving all of Bravo team to the golf course with several bottles of Maker's Mark, fireworks that they drummed up out of nowhere and all dressed in ridiculous outfits they had found in her Dad's box of Halloween costumes.

"When you are ready to go home call us." Emma laughed as they piled out of the truck at the golf course.

"Why are they playing golf at night?" Mikey asked as Lisa climbed up into the truck, the three of them pulled out of the parking lot.

"This is their version of the funeral, Adam was here all the time." Lisa answered.

"Oh."

"What do you want to do?" Emma asked.

"Movie?"

"Sure thing Bud." Emma said, taking him to the theater. When the movie was over she checked her phone and seeing several drunken texts from various members of the team with what hole they were on or random photos that were mostly too blury to see what was even going on. Rolling her eyes she turned to her brother, "Mikey I think their golf game is going to run late...what do you think about staying at Aunt Naima's tonight?"

"I guess that is fine." Mikey said and Emma called Naima. She quickly agreed, knowing that Ray would be staying at their house in a trade for a quieter Mikey. After dropping him off at their place Lisa and Emma went to the grocery store and picked up all sorts of snack food, bacon, pancake mix and a couple cases of Gatorade.

Not wanting to sit around the empty house the two of them drove back to the golf course where they got out and laid down in the grass. They could see the bottle rockets and hear the laughter from the team and smiled. "How the hell did they had manage to get permission to do whatever it is they are doing?" Emma asked Lisa.

"Mandy pulled a few strings." Lisa smiled. "You talk to Hannah?"

"No but we can facetime her Emma smiled as she called her best friend. "What is all that noise?" Hannah asked as soon as her face showed up on the screen.

"Bravo celebrating your dad." Emma told her.

"Hi Lisa." Hannah smiled. "Wish I was there with you."

"How is the beach?" Lisa asked.

"Mom went out with her sister...I am here alone...this sucks so hard."

"When will you be back?" Emma asked.

"Sunday I think...Mom was talking about selling the house and moving but I totally lost it on her and said I would move in with you and I wasn't switching schools."

"She wants to move?"

"I dunno...I think without Dad she just doesn't know what to do."

"I think Dad is thinking the same thing...but not until after I graduate...He was looking at boarding schools on the computer...it sucks...nothing is ever going to be the same."

"Where are they that they are making that much noise? It sounds like a movie or something."

"Golf course." Emma and Lisa laughed.

"Oh my God! Seriously?"

"Pretty sure the last picture I got was them using cherry bombs as golf balls." Lisa smiled as she held up her phone to the camera so she would see.

"That is kinda cool."

"Yeah...the hangovers they will have won't be tomorrow."

"Will you tell them all thank you for me?"

"For what?"

"For bringing Dad home...Mom said something about Clay stealing a truck to go get him."

"I didn't hear that part." Emma said, looking over at Lisa.

"Yeah...uh...he did." She smirked, "He is stubborn."

"Mom got a copy of the official report from Captain Harrington."

"Did you see it?" Lisa asked.

"Mom told me it was a S Vest...that Dad pushed Clay out of the way and then tackled the person...said a piece of shrapnel severed his carotid...and blew off his arm."

"You knew about Clay didn't you...that he was right there." Lisa asked Emma.

"Yeah...and not even a half hour after getting shot." Emma nodded.

"Did he get burned from the blast at all?" Hannah asked.

"No...Your Dad made sure of that." Lisa told them.

"Dad knew what Clay meant to your Dad..."

"Some people really suck...I mean...who the hell just gets up and thinks-hey I am going to strap bombs to myself and go kill people-I mean what the actual fuck."

"Yeah...but like really...it doesn't how or even where he died...just that he died...same for your Mom...not even a mile from home...it just...it really really sucks."

"Watching it...Hannah I have known your Dad ever since I was attached to Bravo...when we saw it...none of us wanted to believe it." Lisa said and Emma scooted so her head was on the older woman's shoulder, she had always focused on the guys on her Dad's team but Lisa and Mandy...they were there for all of it too.

"I really wish I was there with you guys." Hannah said, wiping a tear from her face.

"You will be home soon enough."

"Yeah...but it won't be home for long...after we graduate...where is home going to be then?"

"Wherever we are together." Lisa smiled, "Whether it is for one day or long term...Bravo is family."

* * *

"Now, as a proctor of the Adam Seaver Memorial Open...I'm just saying, Blackburn..." Sonny slurred.

"Yeah." Erik smiled, he knew Sonny was going to give him a hard time for not drinking as much as the rest of the guys.

"Your blood-alcohol level is way below tournament requirements."

"That's right!" Jason laughed.

"Roger that!"

"Drink up!"

As the team laughed their way around the course...Jason even crawling on his belly to use the end of the golf club as a pool stick to sink the shot, they mourned in their own way. "So this was Adam's refuge, huh?" Erik asked, of all the members of Dev Gru he had spent the least amount of time with Adam but had still known the man for over a decade.

"Every chance he got. I wish I, uh, had joined him more. Playing golf. I just didn't..." Clay said sadly.

"Yeah, I rain-checked him a dozen times." Ray said.

"That's the rub, huh? Always think there's gonna be another chance." Erik said.

"Blackburn that is a two-beer penalty for killing my buzz!" Jason yelled before the guys ran off again.

"It's crazy! Yah-haw!" Sonny yelled as he sung rope around to try and wrangle the runaway golf cart.

"You'd better run, Sonny!"

"Whoo!" They all yelled as they teed off, using cherry bombs instead of golf balls as Sonny chased the cart several yards down the green.

They all took their turn to let the tears fall as they thought about Adam and the guys took turns doing the comforting but the sadness never lasted long before someone would tell a story that would have them all laughing again.

* * *

When the golf course became quiet Emma and Lisa got off the phone, knowing it wouldn't belong before the guys made their way to them, not a single one even telling them they were ready to be picked up.

When the team saw them laying in the grass they ran over and tackled them. "Whatcha doin out here?" Jason asked scrambling to a sitting position next to his daughter as Clay rolled over and put his head on his lap as he rubbed his chest.

"Waiting for you idiots to be done so we can take you home before you get arrested." Lisa smirked, looking between Sonny whose head was on her shoulder and Blackburn who was standing at her feet.

"Won't get arrested. Mandy got us the okay to have a simulation here tonight." Jason laughed.

"Simulation, huh?" Emma smiled as she sat up, "You hurting?" She asked Clay as he rubbed his chest again.

"Mmmm fine." Clay told her. She didn't believe him.

"Was a mighty fine simulation there Bravo One." Lisa laughed, "How many strings did she have to pull for this one?"

"She said it was worth it for Adam." He said, turning to look at Lisa.

"Where is she anyhow?" Erik asked.

"Work." Jason shrugged.

"You guys ready to go?" Lisa asked and after a chorus of nods the team piled into the two vehicles. Sonny stood in the bed of the truck and tapped on the roof when they were ready, Jason in the front seat, Clay and Blackburn in the back of the truck as the rest of the team climbed into Lisa's car.

Emma was thankful that it was less than a mile from home and as she pulled into the driveway the guys tumbled out she shook her head and laughed. "You guys know it is after eleven...right?"

"Shhh." Clay hushed Sonny as he put his arm around Emma, zigzagging their way through the front door.

"Lil Momma is worried we will wake the neighbors." Sonny laughed watching the two youngest go into the house.

"How did I end up the babysitter?" She laughed as the rest of the guys made their way in.

"Go eat something to soak up some of that liquor." Lisa smirked, as much as Emma complained they both knew they would never give up a second of this.

"Sonny can you get something for Blondie here?" Emma asked as Clay started spinning himself in circles.

"Yes Ma'am." Sonny said, saluting her as he walked into the kitchen.

Erik plopped down on the couch and flipped on the news, "You drink?" Emma asked, looking at him, "These other fools..."

"No." He said, "Once they are all in for the night I will head home."

"You on the clock?"

"Technically we all are." He said.

"No clocks here." Clay said, spinning in a circle, "Time turner would be nice."

"Way nicer than those pants." Emma laughed, "How much did you have to drink?"

"Hey now, nothing wrong with these here patriotic pants."

"They were part of Dad's halloween costume from like a decade ago."

Jason and Ray walked in quietly after everyone else and nodded to Clay, "Think you can handle him?"

"Handle me?" Clay slurred, still spinning in a circle and almost falling onto the floor, "I don't need handlin'."

Emma stood back and laughed, "So help me if I have to clean up puke you guys are buying me a Jeep for graduation."

"Should be good. Didn't have too much." Ray told her.

Jason shrugged, "Kid just has been doped up since we got back."

"Hey Pretty Boy. You ready to go to bed?" Lisa asked him from where she stood in the doorway.

"Nope. No bed. Bed means sleep. Sleep means dreams. Dreams mean...nope. No bed." Clay said spinning around until he was sitting on the floor in front of the shelf and Emma walked over and sat down on his lap. "Whatcha doin'?" Clay asked, wrapping his arms around her.

"Keeping you still." Emma said, leaning her head back against his shoulder.

"Whya doin' that?" Clay asked her, putting his head onto her shoulder.

"Because still is better than spinning." Emma told him.

"Mmm Mmm. You want me to go to bed." Clay said shaking his head into her shoulder but not lifting it up.

"You think you are going to sleep on the floor in the living room?" Lisa asked, looking over to Blackburn seeing him with a curious smirk on his face.

"No. Beds better." Clay answered. "Don't want bed though. Bed means sleep. Sleep means dream...nope...don't want that."

"Dream about what?" Emma asked, still holding Clay.

"Adam. Dad. Brian." He said lifting his head to look at Emma, "Take your pick."

"Can I keep you safe tonight?" Emma asked him, whatever was going on was more than just whiskey induced and she guessed that he probably popped a pain pill at some point during their craziness.

"Dunno."

"Do you trust me?"

"Duh." Clay said, leaning his head on her shoulder as Sonny walked into the living room with a plate full of food but freezing in his tracks seeing Emma sitting on Clay's lap.

"Can I keep you safe tonight?" Emma asked again and glaring at Sonny over his shoulder for not telling her he had been having nightmares.

"You aren't mad at me?" Clay asked.

"Why would I be mad at you?" Emma asked him as turned sideways, wrapping her arm around his shoulders.

"Didn't tell you. Tried to fix myself. Sonny didn't know. Don't be mad at Sonny." Clay said, stiffening up.

"Look at me." Emma said, lifting Clay's face to look at her, "Does it look like I am mad at you?" Clay shook his head.

"We can't help you if you don't let us Tinkerbell." Sonny said walking over and handing Emma the plate of food that she took a chip from and Clay copied her.

"You are my little...I should take care of you...not you take care of me." He said as he chewed.

"I am going to say this once...so you damn well better listen and listen good. We are family and family helps each other. Some days you will take care of me and some days I will take care of you...but you have to say when you aren't okay. Okay?"

"Tell you." Clay repeated her, nodding his head as he ate a few more bites of food.

"Tell us too." Lisa told him as she walked over and put her hand on Sonny's shoulder, she knew he felt guilty for not seeing that his brother was hurting.

"You ready to go to bed Pretty Boy?" Sonny asked.

"I..." Clay stammered, looking up to see Sonny and Blackburn looking at him and he put his head back down on Emma's shoulder.

"Come on Kid." Sonny said, walking over and pulling Clay up as Emma stood up next to him.

"Where's Dad?" Clay asked as he looked around the room.

"Garage. Where else?" Emma shrugged.

"He would be so mad." Clay whispered.

"He wouldn't be mad...he just worries about you...every one here does." Lisa told him.

"Don't want people to worry." Clay said, leaning his head on top of Emma's and swaying a little.

"Clay did you take pain medicine?" Emma asked as Clay stumbled forward and she caught him.

"Two." He nodded.

"What color were they?"

"White."

"When did you take them?"

"Last shot."

"What did he take?" Erik asked, walking over.

"Vicodin. He will be fine, just explains why he is...well...drugged." Emma laughed.

"Make him sleep." Erik said. "Kid trusts you."

"Alwayzzzzzz." Clay smiled and the room laughed.

"Think you can do stairs?" Emma smirked.

"Movie?" He asked as he started walking towards the stairs.

"I will get it." Emma said, rolling her eyes.

"What movie?" Erik asked.

"Prisoner of Azkaban." Sonny answered. "Think I have seen it enough to know the words."

"Take it you don't want to watch it again?" Lisa asked.

"Change of scenery?" Sonny asked her and she smiled.

"Sonny will you make sure he goes to the bathroom and then lay down?" Emma asked. "I will do a lot for you guys but..." Emma said.

"Sure thing Lil Momma." Sonny said, "Come on Pretty Boy." He said as he pulled his brother up the stairs.

"Didn't know he was still taking meds." Brock said.

"He has just had a couple Tylenols." Trent shrugged. "Golfing with cracked ribs though...glad he took them when he was hurting."

"You boys ready to head out?" Erik asked, "I think the kid is good here and I can drop the two of you on my way home."

"Works for me." Brock said and Trent nodded.

"You got Sonny?" Erik asked Lisa and she nodded. "Alright then. Will see you guys later." He said as the three walked out.

"You know he likes you?" Emma asked Lisa once they were alone in the living room.

"We've known each other a long time."

"He is different with you. Knows he is safe and he doesn't...he hasn't been hitting it as hard lately."

"You think?" Lisa asked.

"Definitely." Emma smiled, "Thanks for hanging out with me tonight."

* * *

"What do you say we have another one, huh?" Jason asked once he didn't hear any chatter coming from the living room.

"Ah, you don't have to ask me twice." Ray said, following him into the kitchen.

"One more." He laughed, "You know, if things went crazy in here, then I would always end up out there."

"Your happy place."

"Yeah. This is my happy place."

"How's it going with the kids?"

"I'm just trying to stay flexible, you know? I just want to pick my battles."

"Must be hard alone."

"Some days it, uh, kind of works."

"What about our next deployment? Thought about that?"

"What? About me not being here for three months, the kids alone without Alana? Of course I've thought about it, Ray."

"Any conclusions?"

"I think conclusions is that I don't want to think about it, okay?"

"Well, love you, brother." Ray told him, "You just got a lot on your plate."

"What do you say we go outside and talk the carburetor into working? You think you can do that?"

"Let's get the carburetor working."

"He took Vicodin...that is why he..."

"You got him?" Jason asked, he wasn't ready to come back to reality yet.

"Yeah...but for him to take it on his own..." Emma said, Clay didn't voluntarily take a Tylenol under normal circumstances so she had a feeling there was more going on than just his ribs hurting after their escapades at the golf course.

"I will talk to him." Jason said.

"Love you." Emma said walking over and hugging him before turning to Ray and doing the same thing. "You need me we will be upstairs."

"Where is your brother?"

"At his house." Emma said pointing at Ray.

"Made a trade?" Ray asked.

"Something like that."

"Thanks Emma." Ray smiled before turning back to Jason, "Now...that carburetor..."

* * *

Lisa drove Sonny to the bar that was walking distance to her apartment where they sat going shot for shot and just talking. "Well, it's last call." Lisa tested the waters.

"Mm-hmm."

"Shouldn't you be finding a pair of boots to knock up against?"

"Mm. Well tonight's recon yielded no actual targets there, Davis."

"I see plenty. Based on your high standard of living, what do you need? Female, breathing, right?"

"Ooh. Wow, look at that. That was a low blow right there. I happen to have standards, okay? And they're real ones." Sonny smiled, knowing full well she was teasing him.

"Such as?" She asked, scooting a little closer.

"Well, uh, I like 'em to get my motor running, that's for sure." Sonny smiled, no doubt she did exactly that for him.

"That's obvious. What else?"

"Well, they got to be able to keep up with me." He said, leaning in slightly.

"Sonny, I could keep up with you."

"That right there, Davis, that's what makes you a rare woman."

"Right?" She laughed, "What else?"

"Heart. Gots to have heart."

"Mm-hmm."

"Pride. And loyalty...You know, I like a little a little fight in a woman, too. She..."

"Are you looking for a woman, or are you looking for a racehorse?"

"You see I'll have you know I was raised by a mama and two sisters that kick the balls off a bull in Sunday heels."

"Okay?"

"And maybe, I don't know, maybe that spoiled me a little bit."

"It might have, because that is a lot to ask for at last call."

"That just depends on what kind of bar we're in, I suppose." He said, tipping up his hat.

"All right, so let's say that you find said woman, right?"

"Mm-hmm."

"A rare and elusive specimen, I assure you."

"Elusive. I like that."

"Yes. Who's to say that you could even handle her?"

"No one. You see, that's the fun of it."

"Yeah." Lisa leaned in, "Or the trouble of it."

"Well it ain't fun if it ain't trouble." Sonny smiled, leaning in hoping he would feel her lips on his.

"You two done?" The bartender interrupted and the two jumped apart.

"Yes. We're done." They said in unison.

"I got this." Sonny said taking the check and looking at it, "Actually, that's way too much money." He said pushing it to her, "You get it."

"I'm not getting that." Lisa laughed, Sonny already pulling out his wallet.

* * *

"This is why I don't take meds." Clay said as Emma turned off her tv and turned on spotify.

"Because you have no filter?"

"I have a filter." Clay said, "I just...I am safe with everyone that was there."

"Then why did no one know you haven't been sleeping?"

"I have been sleeping...I've just been waking up a lot more than normal."

"What has Stella said?"

"She usually puts her head on my shoulder and I dunno..."

"Clay you have to let her in."

"She is already scared."

"You love her, right?"

"Yeah."

"Then don't be stupid."

"Helpful." Clay laughed.

"I am just super frustrated."

"Why?"

"Because none of us know what we are doing but somehow the world is still going on like nothing happened."

"That is kinda how things work."

"Yeah well it sucks."

"You guys doing okay in here?" Jason asked, sticking his head into his daughters room.

"What kind of okay are we asking Dad...the kind you want to talk or the kind you want to pretend..."

"I'm trying here." Jason said, walking in and sitting down on her bed.

"Clay hasn't been sleeping because he has nightmares about you, Brian and now Adam." Emma said looking at her Dad. "Dad has been hiding in the garage and been pretending that everything is fine even though he is looking up boarding schools and looking to sell the house."

"We really going there tonight?" Clay asked.

"Seriously?" Jason shook his head.

"You are the one who asked if we were doing okay. I know I am not. Victoria is talking about selling their house and Hannah threatened to move in here...except you were looking that stuff up so I don't even know if here is like, even an option and I am suppose to go to college next year and I don't know how to do any of the financial aid crap and Mom was supposed to help me but now she is dead so no one to help...but yeah we can just keep pretending like everything is fine." Emma said, getting pissed as the tears fell from her eyes.

"What do you want me to say?" Jason asked his daughter.

"You are my Dad...I want you to fix this."

"I can't." Jason said, leaning forward to pull Emma into him but she just curled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them.

"Maybe I should..." Clay started to sit up.

"No." Jason and Emma said at the same time.

"I sleep when I am with you or Sonny...but I should when I am with Stella...I can't let her in because she is already scared and I don't want to lose her." Clay said, looking at Jason.

"Alana knew how to do this...I don't...and everytime I try to do something I screw it up."

"What is this?" Emma asked, "We aren't at AA and I am not going to ramble off why life sucks."

"You lost your Mom. Your best friend lost her Dad. You don't have a place that feels like home anymore and everything is changing." Clay told her.

"Your life is in chaos because we couldn't protect you." Jason told her, "And I can't fix it."

"Then stop pretending like everything is fine." Emma mumbled.

Clay scooted over and put his arm around her and she leaned into him, "I am glad I have a pain in the ass sister to call me out...and to make me feel safe."

"Don't give up on us." Jason said, tears in his eyes as his daughter looked up at him.


	20. Chapter 20

"Hmph." Emma mumbled when she heard Clay's voice as he walked into the house with Sonny.

"Hi." Clay smiled when he walked into Jason's house and seeing Emma sitting on the couch watching tv.

"Should have listened." Sonny smirked when he saw the look Emma gave to the Kid.

"Oh so you can talk?" Emma looked up from her seat on the couch.

"Didn't they tell you I was going to the beach?" Clay shrugged, he knew he should have just sent her a text.

"They did."

"But you are still mad." Clay said, knowing full well he broke his promise to Emma. He had told Jason he was leaving, that he wouldn't have his phone and to call the hotel if they got spun up and he was the one who told him not to say anything, he saw the texts she had sent, the missed calls...telling him he wasn't alone, that he was safe, to remember to breathe...she had called three times since he had left friday afternoon...the voicemails were quotes from Harry Potter.

"Not at all." Emma snarked, she could see that Clay had puffy eyes and looked exhausted and knew he did not sleep, or at least did not sleep well and was upset that he had done this to himself to try and help Stella.

Sonny shook his head as he pushed past, "I'll be outside."

"Why didn't you tell me you were going?"

"I couldn't." He said quietly, "If I did I wouldn't have gone...and Stella...she needed to go."

"She decide what she wants to do yet?" Emma asked him as he sat down on the couch next to her.

"No. Everytime she sees..." He said absentmindedly rubbing his chest.

"You need someone who can deal with this."

"Why do you care so much?"

"Because you are my family." Emma answered.

"Not used to that." Clay mumbled as he slouched down, his head flopping onto the back of the couch.

"You didn't sleep while you were gone." Emma commented, turning on the couch to face him. "Sonny drove you here."

"I told him we were back and he came over."

"Where's Stella?"

"Laundry and shower then she is coming over." He said as he slouched on the couch, leaning towards her.

"You need to sleep before..." Emma started to lecture him but stopped when Clay leaned against her shoulder yawning.

Clay mumbled, "Don't be mad."

"I was worried you idiot." She told him, feeling the weight of Clay's head on her shoulder as he already was relaxed enough to sleep after two seconds.

"Not worth the worry." Clay mumbled.

"You are an idiot, you know that right?" Emma mumbled as she leaned forward and grabbed the remote for the tv and scooted over so she was on the side of the couch, "Lay down at least."

When Sonny walked back into the living room a couple minutes later Clay was on his back, head on Emma's hip and an arm and leg hanging off the couch. "What you say to him?"

"Told him he's an idiot."

"Stella was upset that she couldn't get him to relax." Sonny told her, he had always been a cheerleader for their relationship and for him to think that Emma wanted to try to be a cheerleader too.

"He just has to feel safe."

"What are you really upset about?"

"Didn't check in."

"Jace told him not to. Said it wasn't for you to worry about." Sonny told her, "and he's right."

"If he thinks I am not going to worry about you guys because you don't check in he has lost his mind."

"What Ray told him." Sonny smirked.

"Why didn't you say something?"

"Not my place."

"Make it your place. He is a fucking mess..." Emma said, looking down at Clay and knowing the he that she mentioned could be about Clay or her Dad...resting her hand on his chest and moving his thumb back and forth over where she knew his bruise was, "Dad was going through Mom's office and lost it the yesterday...hasn't even been able to look at the room since." She told him, "When I went in there after he went into the garage...he was looking at a letter that she had written him...a what to do if something happens to me letter..."

"Figured she had one of those around somewhere." Sonny shrugged. "He didn't say anything."

"Of course he didn't...he thinks he can handle everything..."

"He is stubborn."

"Why don't you do anything?"

"Can't." Sonny told her, "There is an order to things." Sonny knew it was a cop out as he said it but he also knew that even if he did push it would be pushing into a brick wall.

"Sonny?...would it be weird if I taught Stella how to get him to relax?" Emma asked knowing that helping Clay would ultimately help her Dad.

"You want to help Stella?" Sonny asked.

"I want him to be happy." Emma said as she looked down at Clay's face as his lips parted in sleep and his hand lazily came up and rest over her hand.

"And just how Lil Momma do you plan to do that?" She was right that the kid was easy, he knows he is safe and he will conk out just about anywhere.

"He didn't sleep the whole time they were away...she is trying but..."

"Think she would listen to you." Sonny said as the rest of the team walked in through the front door. Trent and Brock gave a knowing look to each other after seeing Clay asleep on the couch. Ray paused, looking like he wanted to say something but Naima kept pushing him and he eventually followed the rest of the team outside.

"Dad outside or in the garage?" Emma asked.

"By the grill." Sonny told her.

"Who are you more worried about?"

"I can do something with him." Sonny shrugged, nodding to Clay.

"Order of things?"

"Something like that."

"Go out and have fun with the boys." Emma said.

"Sure?"

"I'm sure." She smiled as she turned on a rerun of The Challenge on MTV.

* * *

"They coming out?" Jason asked when Sonny walked back out the door.

"Kid's asleep." Sonny answered.

"So much for a relaxing weekend at the beach." Jason mumbled.

"Lil Momma wants to teach Stella how to get him to relax." Sonny told him, crossing his arms, surprised that no one said anything about Clay before he walked out.

"She wants to do what?" Jason asked.

"Teach Stella how to..."

"I heard what you said, didn't know that was a thing." He said as he pulled his own hair, that girl...too much like her Mother.

"Alana's daughter." Brock said as Cerberus sat down at Jason's feet, hoping for some of the steak to mysteriously fall from the grill.

"You think?" Jason asked. "Just how is she suppose to do that?" Jason asked.

"Kid relaxes when he is with people he knows he is safe with." Ray answered.

"And how is Emma suppose to teach...?" Jason barked.

Naima walked over beside Jason and put her hand on his shoulder and he instantly calmed down. Smirking at Jason she said, "Like I just did to you."

"Did what to me?"

"Calmed you down." Naima smiled.

"I was calm before."

"Sure you were." Ray laughed as she squeezed his shoulder again before letting go.

"My shoulder?" Jason asked.

"Worked didn't it?" Sonny said.

"Once the Kid knows he is safe he relaxes." Sonny nodded to Ray.

"We all do it...just never think about it." Brock said. "Impressive that she noticed that."

"She has grown up around you and I am sure working with the guys at the VA that has come in handy on more than one occasion." Naima smiled, "Jason her wanting to teach Stella..."

"I know...she is too attached." Jason rolled his eyes, he was sick of hearing it from his mother and just assumed that was what she was going to say.

"No." Naima shook her head, "She cares about her family and is protective like Alana was, she is trying to step into her shoes."

"Mom thinks she needs to be less involved." Jason said, crossing his arms and knowing he looked like a petulant child.

"Like that's gonna happen Boss Man." Sonny smirked, "Lil Momma in there is about as in this as she can get and she has a stubborn streak about ten miles wide..."

"Her and the Kid...Jace you can't stop that." Ray said, "Not worth the fight."

"Everything is a fight with her." Jason mumbled.

"Well she is your kid." Ray smirked.

"Shut up." Jason said, tossing an empty beer can at his friend.

* * *

"Hey." Emma said as Stella walked into the house.

"Hey." She said walking in, "He crash as soon as he got here?" Emma nodded. "Sorry he didn't text you."

"I just worry is all." Emma said, looking at Stella who sat down on the chair next to the couch.

"Why cant he relax like that with me?"

"He is scared." Emma told her.

"Scared of what?" Stella asked, looking down at her hands.

"Clay has been on his own for a while...his grandparents...they were awesome but...he hasn't had a family like our families...parents who check in and like really care."

"Until he joined Bravo."

"He had Brian before he was on green team."

"Until he didn't." Stella said.

"Brian was his brother...his only real family...Adam saw that in him...pushed him but always made sure he had his back...especially after Brian died."

"He went with Adam to California."

"Yeah...and Adam became a part of his family."

"Adam pushed for him to be on Bravo."

"Because he saw after that first deployment how him and Dad were together."

"I still don't understand why he can't feel safe with me."

"He knows you are scared."

"So because I am scared he can't relax."

Emma nodded, "Stella...uh, have you noticed that if you put your hand on his shoulder he relaxes?"

"Your hand isn't on his shoulder." Stella pointed out, it was sitting on his chest.

"I know...but if I take my hand off of him..." Emma said and as soon as she moved her hand he started to fidget and she put it back, this time her arm hooking around his head with her fingers on his shoulder and he leaned into her touch.

"How does he know it is you?"

"I don't know that he does...he just knows he is safe...I have seen him do the same thing with Dad and Sonny."

"But his shoulder...that always a thing?" Stella asked, sitting down on the coffee table across from them.

"Team guys...when they are on a mission and cant talk they will tap on the shoulder of the guy in front of them...do it enough times and it becomes an instinctual sign of being safe I guess...I just...I thought it would be worth you trying it."

"He is different with you than he is with Sonny." Stella smiled, she certainly didn't understand Clay's attachment to her but after the weekend they had she was thankful for it.

"He thinks I am a pain in the ass most of the time." Emma shrugged.

"You clearly haven't seen him talk about his family then." Stella smiled, "All weekend...walking around in different shops or along the beach...everytime he smiled it was because of you, Mikey or one of the guys...and something reminding him of you all."

Emma looked down at Clay and ran her thumb along his jaw line, she was scared for Clay but knew that if he wanted Stella then she wanted to at least try and help him to relax with her. Looking up at the dark haired woman she smiled, "You want to try it?"

"I don't want to wake him up." Stella told her as her mind was screaming 'what?'

"Come over here." Emma smiled, "I am going to get up and you are going to sit here."

"I am scared." Stella told her and Emma smiled, thankful that they were allowing each other total trust about the man they both clearly cared about.

"Family sticks together and Clay deserves someone that is all in." Emma said, "He needs to be able to sleep".

"Yeah...okay." She said standing up and walking closer to Emma.

"I will keep my hand on his shoulder and you just make sure not to sit on his head." Emma grinned.

"Okay."

"You ready?" Stella nodded and Emma slid out of the way and she perfectly slid into her spot. "Now put your hand on his shoulder. Squeeze it a little when you first put your hand there." Emma instructed and both smiled when Clay relaxed into her and stayed asleep. "Ha! I knew it would work." Emma smiled. "These team guys...so freaking predictable sometimes...if the Navy does one thing right it is consistency."

"This really works all the time?" She asked as she ran her fingers through his hair.

"Everytime I've tried it...saw Dad and Sonny doing it after the crash...all of them...don't think they even realize it." Emma told her as she moved to the other end of the couch, sitting over Clay's leg. "Once he is relaxed you can move your hand around but keep touching him somewhere...it is when the touch breaks he will wake up."

Stella nodded and stared at her boyfriends peaceful face, the first time in a while she has seen him so relaxed, "Seems like Clay gets hit harder than the rest of the team...and gets hurt more..."

"Don't know about that...all of them have gotten hurt...Ray had to have his shoulder surgery...Dad had the TBI from the crash...pretty much all of them have been shot and stabbed...that is what body armour is for..."

"What about ptsd?"

"All of them." Emma answered without hesitation.

"Doesn't seem like it."

"Sonny hates the silence...can't be alone...Dad is constantly rubbing his hand on his pant leg like it has blood or something all over it and was seeing dead people after the crash...Brock has Cerb for emotional support...Trent and Ray both struggle and have their own weird little ticks. Clay just can't hide it."

"Since I met him he has lost two friends and that entire team."

"Yeah?"

"I've barely known him a year."

"Yeah...this year has sucked."

"So it isn't always like this?"

"My whole life Dad has lost a handful. Two of those have been in the last two years." Emma said, "They come home banged up but..."

"Not in a box." Stella said.

"That phrase...your Dad said it." Emma said and Stella looked at her questioningly but didn't say anything, "Were you that scared before he met your parents?"

"No." She answered, surprised, but not, that Clay had shared that bit of information with her.

"Brian died right after you met him."

"How do you do it?"

"I have never known any different." Emma shrugged. "It still sucks."

"Are you as close to the rest of Bravo as you are with Clay?"

"It is different."

"How?"

"You guys are barely older than me." Emma shrugged, "The way Dad acts with him he is just a pain in the ass big brother...he looks out and I look out for him."

"What about the rest?"

"They have basically always been around. Dad and Nate...the one who died and opened up the space for Clay...they were best friends...two of them and Adam came up together...met at BUD/S. Adam was brought to green team a year before Dad and Nate. Adam lost two guys and brought them up...when I was in kinder they lost someone else and Ray joined Bravo. Nick was killed then Swanny was medically retired and Sonny and Trent joined...then they decided to bring a dog onto the team and they got Brock. When Adam stepped down they didn't add someone new...just a strap when they needed something, either a translator or eod or whatever. When alpha team was blown up...whole team taken out...that stuff isn't normal. Everyone at Dev Gru knows each other and do trainings and stuff together and act like they are rivals but they are all brothers. If you aren't on teams no one else gets it and they cant talk about the stuff they need to talk about...when they do talk that is."

"Why did Clay attach himself to Jason?"

"Was the other way around."

"After the crash?"

"Eh...Clay was their strap and got under his skin...Mom knew from the first time Dad complained about him that he was going to be on Bravo."

"How can he sleep through us talking when he couldn't sleep all weekend when it was just the two of us at the beach?"

"He knows he is safe." Emma smiled.

"It really that simple?"

Emma looked at her phone and saw he had been sleeping over an hour and smiled, "Take your hand off his shoulder."

"What is he wakes up?"

"Oh he definitely will wake up but food should be about ready." Emma shrugged. "He can get up and eat then you can take him home." Stella took her hand off his shoulder and pulled her hair back and Clay opened his eyes and saw Emma sitting on his leg and he shot up, instinctually moving closer to her, closer to safety before turning to see that he had been asleep on Stella's lap. "Feel better Sleeping Beauty?" She laughed.

"I...uhhh..." Clay mumbled, embarrassed that he jerked away from his girlfriend.

"I showed Stella how to make you relax." Emma smirked.

"What are you talking about?" He asked, running his fingers through his hair and Stella leaned over next to him and squeezed his shoulder and he relaxed and leaned back against the couch, eyeing Emma when she didn't move off his leg.

"Didn't notice us switch places." Stella smiled at Emma, "She can read you like a book, it is quite impressive."

"Can she now?" Clay asked, smiling at Emma. Something about her he just felt safe when she was around and she was his person, the fact that she was nearly a decade younger didn't make a difference, it was safe.

"Obviously." Emma smiled, "You ready to eat?"

"You give us a minute?" Stella asked.

"Sure thing." She said, "Remember what I said though."

"Thanks Emma." Stella smiled as Emma squeezed Clay's knee in the one spot she knew he was ticklish before she got up.

* * *

"Where's Blondie?" Sonny asked when Emma walked out the door solo.

"With Stella." She smiled, "Be out in a minute."

"It work?" Ray asked.

"Do you doubt my skills?" Emma smiled, of course the guys would have been talking about Clay, and what she had told Sonny she wanted to do.

"Proud of you." Naima smiled, "Your Mom would be too."

Emma walked over to Naima and she was enveloped in her arms, "Thank you." Emma mumbled, trying to fight the tears in her eyes and somehow Naima knew that she needed to be held just a little bit longer and didn't let go until Jason walked over and Emma moved into his arms.

"Don't know what I would do without you." Jason said, he hated that she was a part of his world but at the same time he would be even more lost if it weren't for her. She could handle his men better than he could, at least when they were home it seemed to him.

"I just want you guys to be okay." Emma said as her Dad pulled back a little.

"When did you notice the shoulder thing?" Trent asked.

"When I was like two...Dad would come home grumpy Mom would tell me to to go give him a hug and when I would put my head one one side he wouldn't give me a real hug but if I did the other side he would put his head against me."

"You noticed that when you were two?" Brock asked.

"I dunno...somewhere around there...Mom always used to call me her secret weapon to get Daddy home." She said looking up at her Dad who had tears in his eyes.

"She was right." Jason mumbled before wiping his eyes and walking back over to the grill.

"Baby do our kids do that?" Ray asked Naima.

"Haven't really paid attention...know you always carry them on your right side though." She smiled, never thought anything of it before.

"Steaks are about ready." Jason mumbled before walking into the kitchen.

"Sonny go help him." Naima bossed and Sonny jumped up, when Brock and Trent went to move she quickly smiled, "You stay."

"Clay?" Emma asked and Naima nodded. "Mom always knew exactly what to say...today with Stella...that was the first time I felt like I was doing something right."

"You are blind then." Ray smirked, "Kid would be a mess without you...and don't even get me started on your old man."

* * *

After Clay, Stella, Ray and Naima left, the rest of the guys were sitting around the empty fire pit in the back and Emma stood in the doorway watching them. Each taking turns telling stories about Nate...or Adam...or another Brother they had lost over the years. Sonny was the only one who wasn't sharing and he kept rubbing the back of his neck. She could see the pain radiating off of him and when she finally decided to come out she sat down on the armrest of Sonny's chair. "Mikey is in bed." She announced.

"Telling us to keep it down?" Brock asked.

"He comes down you get to put him back into bed. He was not happy that Cerb didn't stay up there with him." Emma smiled, reaching down to pet the dogs head where it rest on Sonny's knee.

"He thinks he is needed elsewhere tonight." Brock said, nodding to Cerberus who was quite content with Sonny petting his head as he sat at his feet.

"I see that." Emma smiled as she leaned into Sonny's shoulder, surprised when he leaned back and Emma looked over at her Dad.

"We were talking about Adam, you want to share a story of him since you knew him as well as the rest of us?" He asked her.

"I don't...uh, I have only talked to Hannah about him."

"Got you." Sonny mumbled, wrapping his arm around her hip.

"He was my other Dad." Emma shrugged, looking over at her Dad. "When you were gone...he, uh, he was the one who made sure I stayed out of trouble. Threatened to send drones overhead to dances...demanded to meet all the guys we were going to spend any amount of time with...he was never serious though...always had a twinkle in his eye when he was torturing them...and always had ice cream and strawberry soda for us when we would go over to the house after a dance or game or whatever. The best thing though..." She said as she wiped a tear from her eye, "When he knew you guys were gone...he would check in...at least once a day I would talk to him...he would ask about school and about Mom and Mikey..."

"I didn't know he did that." Jason said with a sad smile. "He always knew what you guys were up to and I just figured it was him talking to Hannah."

"Nope. He was...a...a second Dad...knew that if you were here you would be doing it but since you weren't..."

"Checking in...got that from him...that why you got mad at Clay when he left his phone?" Jason asked his daughter and she nodded, "Not just for him is it?" Emma shook her head as she sniffled and Sonny pulled her down onto his leg and she laid her head on his shoulder, just like Clay felt like her person...Sonny had always been her crazy uncle...her Dad's little brother...the one you would go to when you wanted to do something your parents didn't want you to, the one who would get down and play Barbies or dress up or let her paint his nails.

"When I chose this life...I didn't...I tried to keep it seperate." Jason told her.

"That is just it though...you cannot separate who you are. None of you can." Emma said when Sonny tightened his arms around her and held her into him. "You guys are fucking badasses but you are human...you can't keep..."

"Emm..." Sonny barely mumbled as he leaned his head down against her. When she looked around at her Dad, Brock and Trent she saw that she was getting to them too and she didn't want them to stop talking...of all the things they should do it was talk...to be real with each other.

"The stuff that you guys have seen...that you have had to do...losing your brothers...I will never know what you have been through but I have been watching the news since I had my own tv and shows and movies...and growing up with you idiots..." She put her arm around Sonny and looked up at her Dad. "You guys are all hurting and I have seen every single one of you cry over the years but it is always when you get so...wired...or sleep deprived...or hurt...and you try to stop feeling as soon as you feel it...it is...guys it is okay to not be okay and to talk about it." She turned and put her head so she was looking into Sonny's eyes, "You are scared to be alone." She whispered and he nodded, "You don't have to be alone though." She whispered. "None of you have to be alone with it."

Brock reached over and put his hand on Trent's shoulder and Trent leaned against him. "Too much this year." Trent mumbled.

"Will you do one thing for me?" Emma asked.

"Anything, you know that." Jason said.

"Not just you...all of you..." After the three nodded she laid her head on Sonny's shoulder, "When you guys feel lost or alone...just say something...I don't even care if you talk about what it getting to you...but say something so you aren't doing it alone."

"Emma it isn't your job to take care of all of us." Jason told his daughter.

"I didn't say you had to tell me...talk to each other...I am here if you want but...you guys know what it is like..."

"Thanks Kiddo." Sonny mumbled as he leaned his head against hers and Emma tipped her head up and kissed his cheek.

"You guys are my family...and Mom always said family is there for each other...we can't forget that now that she is gone." When Sonny didn't loosen his hold on her she gave in and relaxed against him, focusing on his breathing, the smell of whiskey and his cologne, the same kind her Dad used...the same kind that Adam had used.

* * *

Emma fell asleep on Sonny's lap as the guys were all talking and at some point Sonny had absentmindedly started running his fingers through her hair. "Been a long time since she fell asleep on your lap." Jason smiled after Brock and Trent left and it was just the two of them.

"Yeah, uh, I guess it has." Sonny smiled.

"Her head is on your right." Jason observed.

"Jace...after I was shot..." Sonny started.

"What about it?"

"You never questioned it when Alana climbed into the hospital bed with me." Sonny looked at Jason, "Why?"

"We all wanted to take away your pain and she was the only one who had been able to." Jason shrugged.

"Two weeks she held me...pretty much around the clock..."

"Emma makes you feel safe too?" Sonny nodded, "She was telling the truth when she said Alana called her her secret weapon."

"The way Alana and I were...she is that way with young Spencer."

"Protective of each other." Jason said, standing up, "Starting to get cool out here, should wake her up."

"I can bring her in." Sonny said, reaching his arm under her knees and she tightened her arms around Sonny as he lifted her up carrying her weight like it was nothing and following Jason into the living room.

"You leave tonight she is going to get mad at you." Jason said sitting down on the couch, knowing that Sonny didn't want to be alone, allowing his daughter be his excuse.

Sonny sat down next to him, not bothering to put Emma down, "I don't like feeling this way."

"Not the only one who doesn't want to be alone Sunshine." Jason said as he turned on the tv and laughing as Harry Potter started playing.

"Of course this is what is on." Sonny mumbled.

* * *

Emma woke up a few hours later when Sonny's phone buzzed in his pocket, his arm loosely hanging around her waist the buzzing didn't faze him and she grabbed the phone from where it was sticking out of his pocket and smiled when she saw it was Davis. With her dad asleep on the other end of the couch she pulled out her phone and took a series of selfies of her making faces with the two of them passed out and sent them from her phone to Lisa.

'They good?' She text back a few seconds later.

'Think so...neither one wants to be alone.'

'Take care of our boys.' She said and Emma smiled.

Slowly she crawled out of Sonny's lap and he lazily opened his eyes to watch her. "Go back to sleep." Emma smiled as she covered him with a blanket before draping one over her dad. Sonny nodded and closed his eyes and Emma stood at the base of the stairs for a minute to make sure they stayed asleep before she went up to her room.

* * *

"Why are you sleeping on the couch?" Mikey asked as he bounced into the living room with the sun.

"Fell asleep watching a movie Bud." Jason answered as he leaned forward and ran his hand over his face.

"Sonny stayed?" He asked, Sonny managing to sleep through the boy.

"Yeah. You want to help me make breakfast?"

"Where's Emma?" Mikey asked, "She promised me she would take me to go get smoothies this morning."

"Right here." She said coming down the stairs and waving the keys to the truck. "Want us to bring you guys anything?"

"Sure." Jason said as he looked to Sonny, seeing him still asleep made him worry. Sonny was usually a light sleeper.

"He is fine Dad, feels safe here." Emma smiled before walking out the front door, Mikey running behind her and slamming the door behind him and Sonny jumped to his feet.

"Kids are going to get smoothies." Jason said, walking back into the living room as Sonny sank back down. "How'd you sleep?"

"I slept through them coming down?" Sonny asked, Jason nodded. "Emma...she uh..."

"Went upstairs around two." Jason answered, "Your phone buzzing woke her up. Based on the look she had when she looked at your phone my guess is the call was from Davis." Sonny leaned forward and picked up his phone off the table and saw a missed call and text from Lisa and smiled.

"Just checking in."

"Checking in huh?" Jason said. "Seems to be a thing...checking in."

"Want to go for a run before they get back?"

"They aren't going to be gone that long."

"Fifteen, twenty minutes." Sonny shrugged.

"Guess so." Jason said as he sent a text to his kids before the two went out the door.

* * *

"We need to finish going through the office." Emma told her Dad when she caught him staring at the open office door.

"Emma...I..." Jason struggled.

"I can do it." Emma told him, "Her clothes and this stuff...I can do it."

"No." Jason mumbled before turning and walking out to the garage.

Emma shook her head and sent a text to Ray, 'You able to stop by and talk to Dad? He was just staring at moms office again and when I said something he went out to the garage.'

Before she was even up the stairs she got a message back saying that he was on his way over and she went the rest of the way upstairs and crawled into her bed and cried. She hated missing her mom. She hated to see her Dad hurting. She hated that Mikey was stuck going from one camp to another that summer because they needed to make sure he would be taken care of and her Dad didn't want her to be the one doing it. She hated that her Grandma couldn't just move in and keep everything the same. She hated everything. She had a little more than two weeks before she knew Bravo would be called up again and she was scared of losing anyone else. Her senior year had barely started and her entire world was upside down and she didn't know how to fix it.

When she was done crying she rolled over and flipped open her laptop and as soon as it was on she was getting a video call from Hannah. Seeing the dried tear tracks on her best friends eyes that mirrored her own Emma felt a little less alone. "Why does this suck so much?" They both asked at the same time.

"Mom is buying a house five blocks away...apparently that is her compromise."

"So you don't have to leave school?"

"No...but it is dumb...I don't know how she thinks this will make anything better or make Dad any less dead."

"Dad was staring at the office again and when I said something he just went out to the stupid garage...he can't look at anything of Mom's so it wouldn't surprise me if he sold the house after I move out."

"What about Mikey?"

"He is going to a boarding school summer camp...wouldn't be surprised if he stayed there to go to school next year."

"Boarding school?"

"He doesn't want me to be responsible for him."

"This year though you have to take care of him don't you?"

"Grandma is going back and forth and Naima is here...not like I am on my own with him."

"Still sucks you get stuck with him."

"When I am gone next year...he won't have any family...not fair to him."

"Boarding school isn't that far from your Grandma though is it?"

"Not the same as having parents around."

* * *

"Carburetor again?" Ray asked as he walked up to where Jason was tinkering with his car.

"Isn't running as smoothly as I would like." He shrugged.

"Where are the kids?"

"Mikey is at a hockey clinic. Emma is in the house somewhere."

"Hockey his thing or yours?"

"Think he is more into it than I am." Jason smiled.

"Didn't know that was possible." Ray smiled, happy to see his friend actually happy for once.

"Don't want Emma to be stuck raising her little brother."

"She still working?"

"If she wants."

"Not worried?"

"She is more worried about me."

"That why you are hiding out here?"

"I don't need this house once she moves out."

"Need to live somewhere."

"Mikey is going to at boarding school. Emma will be at college. I can get an apartment or live on base."

"Boarding school?"

"Haven't told them for sure but if he likes the camp this summer that is my plan...at least that way I know he will be taken care of."

"Not worried about Emma being alone?"

"If she does anything it is with Hannah and they have yet to get in trouble." Jason shrugged. "Naima and Harrington said they would keep an eye out."

"Harrington huh?"

"He has been checking in."

"Have you been talking to him?"

"Do I talk to anyone?" Jason mumbled.

"You know you can, right?"

"I know."

"What is stopping you?"

"I can hardly put one foot in front of the other...I can't...I just...Ray I don't know how to do this without her."

"Harrington suggest talking to someone?"

"Don't start with me Perry."

"You try to adjust the timing?" Ray asked as he leaned over the engine.

* * *

"Why are we running drills?" Sonny complained after they ran the obstacle course for the fourth time that week.

"You want to go again?" Jason yelled at Sonny.

"I want to stop playing paintball and get to work." Sonny yelled back.

"Go take a damn shower." Jason yelled as he threw his bag into his cage.

Brock and Trent followed behind silently as Clay and Ray both hung back in the cages seeing Jason punch the cage wall once Sonny was out of sight. "We playin games because they haven't fully released me yet?" Clay asked.

"No." Jason snapped. "You were cleared last week."

"Then why...?" Clay started to ask.

"We will get spun up soon enough." Jason snapped. "What is the rush?"

"Just been home a lot this year is all." Clay shrugged.

"Yeah...Do I need to remind you why?" Jason mumbled, sitting down on a crate.

"You going to spend the night in the garage again?" Ray asked his friend.

"Not doing this." Jason mumbled.

"Can't keep going like this." Ray told him.

"Can't snap my fingers and change anything."

"No but you don't have to carry the load alone Jace." Clay said.

"I am fine." Jason said, looking up at the kid and knowing it was far from true.

"Sure you are." Clay told him.

"Why don't you focus on your own stuff." Jason mumbled.

"Whatever." Clay mumbled back as he walked out and headed for the showers.

* * *

"Are you in town?" Jason asked into the phone later that night.

"Little further south." Mandy answered.

"I don't know how to do this."

"Do what?"

"Be a single parent and..."

"And be Bravo One?"

"Something like that."

"Yeah?"

"When I put this package together...Jason I need your head right."

"Can't just snap my fingers."

"You know I am here."

"Except you are in gone."

"You sleeping Jace?"

"Trying."

"How are the guys?"

"Antsy."

"Shouldn't be too much longer."

"Package will be ready?"

"Stuff is pretty messed up down here...hasn't been easy."

"Don't seem very confident."

"And your head isn't in the game."

"How long?"

"Don't know."

"What do you know?"

"I know that you need to figure out a way to get your head back into the game."

"Get us a solid package."

"Miss you too." Mandy told him, wishing she was there with him. He had never been good at talking but having someone just sit with him...that was what helped him get through.

"Yeah." Jason sniffled. "Soon?" He was surprised at just how much he missed her and how much better he felt just hearing her voice.

"Hope so." Mandy said. "Be nice to the boys, they are just worried about you."

"Be safe."

"You know me."

"Don't like you there without us."

"Soon Jace."

"Not soon enough." Jason said quietly. Hearing her breathing but not hearing her he sighed and looked up at the stars.

"You need to go to bed." Mandy told him after nearly an hour of silence.

"How do you know I am not in bed."

"I know you."


	21. Chapter 21

_Sorry this has taken so long to post...I couldn't get it where it felt right to me and had several rewrites...I am still not fully happy with it...a big part of why I struggle is when I do not like particular parts of the shows storyline that I try and stay at least somewhat close to. Hope you enjoy. -AJ_

* * *

"Ooh, please tell me that's coffee." Stella called out when Clay walked back into the apartment.

"I, uh I stopped by the frame store. We're gonna put it up at the bar on the wall with the, um..." He always hated bringing that up with her because he knew it still scared her despite how hard she was trying.

"The others?"

"Yeah."

"Nice." She cringed.

"Yeah." He said as he shoved the frame back into the plastic bag and pulled his shirt off over his head exposing the still massive bruise. Looking up when Stella groaned he sighed, "It's getting better."

"Doesn't look like it's getting better."

"Well, it was a 7.62 round I mean, it's you know, it leaves a little bit of a mark...It'll heal." He couldn't even count how many times they had repeated this same conversation.

"When?"

"It's been six weeks. Stella, it'll heal."

"Don't move. Please." Stella begged as she crawled across the bed to reach into her side table.

"I'm not putting that stuff on. That stuff smells like an old lady in a tube...It's terrible." As much as he complained he always agreed to it...he didn't want to fight.

"This stuff makes that go away. Just let me do it."

"Mm." He mumbled as she stood in front of him with the tube.

"Don't move, please." She said as she aggressively rubbed the slime on.

"Well, you know, it's it's not ink, so it's not gonna wipe off." He said with a smirk.

"Shut up."

"Is everything okay with you?" He asked, seeing her eyes glaze and her face change.

"Yeah. Fine. See? It's already looking better." She tried to smile.

"Mm." He said as he pulled her into him, "I am fine. I promise."

"Okay." Stella mumbled as she clung to him. She hated being clingy but the only time she felt safe was when she could hear his heartbeat.

"At least we have been home for a while." Clay shrugged, "Are you going to be okay when we do roll out?"

"I'm a big girl, I will be fine." Stella snapped before quickly pulling away and walking into the bathroom to shut the door behind her. He knew that she was in there crying but didn't know what to say to make her feel any better.

Pulling out her phone he sent identical texts to Naima and Emma, 'She is crying again.'

'She is trying. Be patient.' He got back from Naima...and he knew she was right. It did not mean he had to like it.

'Why?' Emma text him before he even had time to put his phone in his pocket.

'I took my shirt off.' Clay sent back before flopping down on the bed.

'Sorry I just shot soda out my nose...then I remembered you almost died. She is scared and you guys are getting ready to deploy again.'

'What do I say to her?' Clay asked as he smirked, of course she would find humor in the situation.

'I don't know.'

'Come over tonight?'

'You are working.'

'After.'

'I will see if she wants to go shopping with me.'

'Thanks Em.'

* * *

"You have to go shopping tonight?" Jason rolled his eyes, she was always needing something.

"Yes, I do. Winter formal is next month." This shopping trip is not just for a dress if it is a month away.

"Okay, listen, you have tons of dresses in your closet. You got a bunch of them."

"You've got more dresses than I have socks." Mikey laughed.

"That's true." Jason smirked.

"Seriously? I live with cavemen!" Emma yelled, throwing up her arms.

"Aw, ooga-booga." Mikey teased.

"And I have plans. It's Saturday." Emma groaned.

"I don't care if it's Saturday." Jason told her, he didn't want to leave Mikey alone all day.

"You know I cannot bail on Hannah and Stella to watch Caveboy."

"Grandma is out of town. She's not here."

"I'm not taking him to the mall! That's social suicide!" Emma yelled.

"I'm not going!" Mikey yelled over her, he didn't want to go shopping anymore than she wanted to take him.

"And stop!" Jason yelled, "This is all new to us right now. This new situation has been presented to us. We're gonna work through this, you understand me? Emma, you're gonna take Mikey to the movies, so you're not seen with him. I'll leave work early to get him, so you have your night with your friends."

"Okay. All right, Mikey's with me." Emma mumbled.

"Give me a hug. All right?" After Emma walked out he looked to his son, "Come here. Hey. It's gonna be alright, Buddy." Kissing him on the head he pulled him tight, "Okay, we got this. One shift at a time. You understand? Okay?" When Mikey nodded Jason smiled.

"Emma is meeting Stella at the mall...she freaked out on Clay again...she doesn't care about the dress...she wants to help Clay." Mikey told him.

"How do you know that?"

"Heard her talking to Hannah."

"You hear why?"

"Clay's bruise again. He is okay isn't he?" Mikey asked.

"Yeah Bud, Clay is fine."

"Then why is she freaking out?"

"Because girls are weird." Jason frowned as he tossed his sons hair, "You want to go practice for a bit until I have to leave?" He made a mental note to check in on the kid when he saw him that afternoon.

* * *

"We got more eyes in here than usual."

As the team watched Eric move to the front of the room they knew they were getting spun up...and sooner than later. "Good morning, everyone. Bravo Team is about to prosecute a highly sensitive target package that's taken months to put together. Final approval came from the White House, so we need everyone to be squared away on this one. There's no margin for error. Understood?" That is a hell of a way to start.

Coming out of the shadow Mandy stepped forward, "Andres Doza. He's the head of the most lethal cartel in Mexico, and one of the most slippery fugitives alive today. We've only confirmed four sightings of him in the last decade. His top lieutenants are equally elusive. Doza was born in 1978 in Huaquechula. His parents were farmers. He's exported more dope to the States than anyone in history, amassing a fortune unimaginable."

"All right, look, we know who this guy is. What's the mission?" This is what Mandy calls a package now? This was a name and a country...this is not a package.

"You're gonna hunt him down."

"Hunt him down? We're-we're cleared to operate down in Mexico?"

From the side of the room Captain Harrington spoke up, "Yes. Partnering with Mexican Marines. Might take a while to locate him. Maybe weeks, months. But you're in Mexico for as long as it takes." As long as it takes? Great...just great... Jason thought as he looked over at Clay who had a grimace on his face.

"Excellent. A little R and R south of the border. That sounds good to me." Sonny shook his head, none of this sounded right.

"It's not a booty run to Cabo, Sonny. Doza's cartel has thousands of soldiers, a $20 billion war chest, and the most sophisticated weaponry money can buy. If El Chapo was Saddam Hussein, then Doza is ISIS. He's sadistic, vicious and indifferent to innocent life." Mandy said, crossing her arms.

"Well, that's great. He's been that for a decade. Why are we engaging now?"

"He crossed a line." Mandy sighed, "He executed an American DEA agent." As a video started playing Mandy watched Jason and the rest of Bravos reactions before the video clicked off. "The video goes on for 30 minutes." She knew they weren't sold, and to be fair she knew the package she had put together was slim at best but it was all she had been able to get on her own and truth be told she needed her guys with her to get any more.

"Wheels up at 0700 tomorrow. I suggest you spend the rest of the day getting your affairs in order. Captain Harrington has the final word." Eric said.

"Nobody does us like that. You go to Mexico, you find Doza, you don't come home till he's in cuffs or a coffin. Is that understood?" Harrington said.

"All right, we're done here." As the team made their way out of the skif and into the cages they were quiet. Of all of the packages they had ever been given this was the flimsiest. No real location. No real assistance. Mexican Marines. Them. A game of cat and mouse with no real exit strategy. They didn't like it and didn't understand why it got the greenlight.

* * *

"Master Chief." Harrington called after Jason as he was walking out of the building a few minutes later.

"Yeah?" Jason paused.

"A word before you shove off."

"Pep talk?" Jason knew what was coming.

"More like a watch-your-ass talk." He told him. Jason had become like a son to him over the years and he knew how devastated he was when Alana was killed and could only imagine how much worse it was for him. "Listen, I don't need a bunch of SEALs making bad headlines in our own backyard, right?

"Sir, you have concerns?" Jason said, forcing Harrington to stay professional because he didn't want to actually talk.

"Just want to make sure everyone's focused."

"Oh, okay. Everyone. You mean me when you say everyone." Jason said, annoyed.

"Look, given everything that Bravo's been through the last months, some people may think that, you know, this should have gone to Alpha or Charlie."

"Some? Everything that Bravo's been through has only made us stronger. So the only person that should be concerned is Andres Doza. That's who should be concerned, sir."

"Music to my ears, Hayes." Harrington said, he knew the conversation would be futile, Jason was as stubborn as he was...but he wanted to give the warning that there would be extra eyes this time around.

By the time Jason made it to the parking lot his team was gone and he had lost his chance to talk to the Kid. Climbing into his truck he pulled out his phone and checked the location of the guys and his kids. He saw that everyone was heading to their respective homes and he sighed. If they had gone to the bar he could have cornered the kid there but no such luck.

* * *

"You are home early." Emma said when Jason walked in the front door before she had even left for the movies with her little brother.

"I am."

"You are leaving again aren't you?"

"0700."

"Okay." Emma said, turning off the tv and looking up at her Dad. "Dad we will be fine." She said as he sank down onto the couch.

"Between sports and afterschool care..."

"Dad I said we would be fine."

"I don't know how long I will be gone."

"Where are you going?"

"Mexico."

"What part?"

"Does it matter?"

"Will be nice for Bravo to be back to normal." Emma said with a sad smile. "We will be fine." She said as she leaned into her dad. "Think we could make a trip down to visit you?"

"Not that part of Mexico."

"Oh." Emma sighed, she figured as much but it was worth the ask. "How can I help?"

"You talk to Clay since this morning?"

"No. Why?" She answered.

"Stella?"

"She is suppose to meet me and Hannah at the mall which we now need to reschedule..." She said sending a quick text to both Stella and Hannah.

"Mikey said Stella freaked out again."

"What's new?"

"We are leaving tomorrow."

"The bruise still bothers her and she is scared."

"Still hung up on a bruise?" Jason rolled his eyes.

"Dad he was shot...the bruise is a glaring reminder that he almost came home in a box."

"You aren't bothered by bruises." Jason mumbled.

"Seriously?" Emma said as she fought the tears forming in her eyes.

"You are?"

"Dad I...you know how you were obsessed with the news when Adam went instead of you?" Emma asked, "Everytime you leave it is like that...I grew up with it so I know how to deal and who I can talk to but Stella...she has only been around like a year."

"Kid really likes her."

"He is going to have a hard time leaving her without her being okay...this mission is going to be rough...make sure Sonny keeps an eye on him."

"Why Sonny?"

"You have Ray. Brock has Trent. Sonny has Clay." Emma pointed out, "And you know Sonny is all big brother to him already."

"I do not want you to take care of Stella. Check on the Kid...fine...but until he puts a ring on it..."

"You don't like her."

"She can't handle it and all it is going to do is stress him out and I do not want you to try and help her figure it out. She can suck it up or disappear."

"This mission...is it a who or a what."

"Not having that conversation with you."

"Mandy going on this mission?"

"Yes."

"Ray or her Dad...talk to someone."

"I will be calling to talk to you and your brother."

"Not the kind of talking I am talking about."

"Let's grab Mikey and go get some burgers." He said changing the subject.

* * *

"You don't have a time frame?" Naima asked as her and Ray laid in bed that night after making sure he tucked both his kids in.

"Weeks...months...we don't come home until we finish."

"Linda able to be here for the kids?"

"She flies back in a week."

"They are going to be alone?"

"He is going to give you his credit card tomorrow. They can order groceries and food online he has his account set up to pay all the bills. Should be fine."

"They will be." Naima smiled, "Will Jason?"

"I will keep an eye."

"Will you be able to call?"

"As far as I know we will have the computers. Not sure on phones...not sure on a lot actually."

"You have a bad feeling about this one."

"Trying not to."

"Won't be at a lack for churches down there." Naima teased with a kiss.

* * *

"Look, I hate to spring this trip on you, but you know how it goes." Jason said as his kids stood outside of his truck with him on the base the next morning.

"And you don't know when you're coming back?" Mikey asked again.

"No, buddy."

"Don't worry, Dad. Grandma Linda will be great." Emma said. She was scared, but had to be brave for her little brother. He was already anxious enough and the three of them slept in Jason's bed, her being the last to fall asleep, feigning until her Dad relaxed.

"What about hockey tryouts?"

"What about hockey tryouts? You're ready, huh? You're prepared. Where's your first shot go?"

"Straight in the goalie's face mask."

"Right. Why?"

"Cause you want to get in his head."

"Get in his head. Right?" Jason smiled to his son before turning back to his daughter, "Yeah. I'm gonna try and get back for winter formals."

"I know. But it will be easier to get a date without you around to interrogate him."

"Really?"

"Mm-hmm."

"I have drones. They will be overhead."

"Scary thing is I sort of believe you."

"You should." Jason smiled, "If you need anything, Aunt Naima, she's got my credit card."

"Mm-hmm." She already knew...they had gone over everything at least a dozen times and had watched him hand her a folder full of stuff when they arrived on base.

"All right? Get yourself a dress."

"Thanks, Dad."

"All right. Listen, hey. Make sure there's a lot of material to cover things."

"I will."

"Hey, look at me. You're gonna be okay." He said to his son as he kissed his head. "Okay?"

"Okay." Mikey said, leaning against his sister.

"Okay, you take care of him." Jason told her, he hated that she had to step into the role of caregiver for her younger brother.

"Yeah. I will."

"All right?

"Like you said, we're figuring things out, as a family." Emma smiled to her dad.

"Oh, wait. Um, we made you a calendar." Mikey smiled.

"I marked our schedules so you know what we're doing and the good times to Skype." Emma smiled.

"You made a calendar for me?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Wow." Jason smiled, wondering when Emma had managed to put together a calendar.

"Dad, just come home safe."

"That's what your mom used to say."

"I know." Emma said, fighting the tears that wanted to fall.

"All right, look, group hug. Come on. Group hug. I love you guys."

"Love you."

"Love you, too."

As Jason walked away from his kids they watched as he went over to bang on the roof of Clay's car before walking towards the plane, not turning around for one last wave. He never did, it was hard enough to walk away...even harder without Alana to take care of everything.

* * *

Stella had looked like she was on the verge of tears since he had told her the night before that they were leaving. Barely saying anything and not sleeping at all, he knew she was awake because he was too. "You sure everything's fine?" He finally asked her once the car was parked.

"Please be careful." Was all she managed to squeak out. She really didn't want to talk about it...she was trying to be all in...but the words her dad said...he will come home in a box...they were on repeat in her head.

"Look, I know I...I know what happened in Mumbai is really bothering you. I get it."

"We don't need to talk about that." She tried.

"What's going on?" Clay asked, feeling desperate and anxious.

"Everything is fine." She tried to lie.

"Stella, why are you saying everything is fine? Look, I-I can't I can't be dodging bullets if my mind is back here worrying about you. If there's a problem, I can fix it." Clay said knowing full well there was nothing he could do to fix the fear that she was feeling.

"I don't...just-just just get on the plane. Please." She really didn't want to have this conversations, especially not right before he was flying out.

"What? Stella, it's-it's me."

"Just go. Please, just go."

"Dude, talk to me here. Come on..." He said wanting to cry, he knew she was scared but he needed her.

"Just that...You're everything. All right? You're everything. I...I...I love you more than I thought that I could love someone, and..." She broke, tears falling she tried to explain.

"Then what is the problem? I don't understand." Stella just said she loved him but that was a problem...there was a but...she couldn't do it...she was too scared.

"Th-This. All of this. This is the problem. Is that the more that I love you, the harder it gets. Okay? When you leave, I don't sleep at night. I have this constant pit in my stomach. And-and I'm afraid. I'm afraid of every phone call. I'm afraid of every knock at the door."

"The knock is never gonna come. I'm not..."

"You got shot six weeks ago, Clay. You can't promise me that."

"I'm not gonna..." Clay begged, "Look, anybody could die at any time doing...doing anything."

"No. Don't bring up Alana's death. Her death was tragic luck. But Adam that...that was an eventuality. And I don't think I can I don't think I can live my life waiting for that to happen to you." She said as tried to hold back her tears.

"What are you saying?"

"I think that you deserve someone that will embrace your life, not resent it. Someone that's better than me. I love you. I do. I love you so much, but I don't I don't think that I can be with you anymore." Stella cried, she wanted him to be happy. She loved him enough to want what he deserved.

"Hey! We're wheels up, Romeo. Let's go. Come on." Jason said hitting the roof of Clay's car.

"I'm so I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Stella cried as she hugged Clay before he grabbed his pack and got out of the car, too frozen to even say anything.

As he walked away he turned and met Emma's eyes and quickly wiped a tear from his face before taking off for the plane.

"Stay here." Emma barked at Mikey as she jumped down off the tailgate.

"Where are you going?"

"Something happened with Stella." Emma said, "Just stay here."

"Yeah...whatever." Mikey said sitting in the bed of the truck.

Emma walked up to Clay's car where he had left the driver door open and she climbed in and sat down next to Stella who was sobbing. "You told him you couldn't do it?"

"Mmmm Hmmm." Stella cried, trying to look up at Emma.

"You weren't going to tell him were you?"

"He wouldn't stop asking." Stella said, "I told him that the more I loved him the harder it got and that I didn't know if I could do it."

"What did he say?" Stella shook her head, he hadn't said anything. "You need to decide if loving him and being scared is worse than not loving him at all...if I were you I would hold onto him as long as you can...he is one of the good ones."

"All of the team will hate me for this."

"They should know..." Emma said as she pulled out her phone.

"What are you going to tell them?"

"Telling Sonny to keep on an eye on him. Telling Clay I love him." Emma mumbled as she quickly typed...hoping they hadn't turned off their phones yet.

'You with her?' Clay sent back.

'Yes.'

'Are we done?'

'Call it a break.'

'A break?'

'I don't know.'

'She said she loved me.'

'I know.'

'Why am I not enough?' Clay asked her and she had to quickly wipe away a tear.

"I didn't want to even talk about it." Stella cried and Emma looked at her like she had grown two heads.

'Fuck Clay...YOU ARE!'

'I don't know how to do this.'

'I will have my phone on me all the time. I am here. I love you.' She quickly told him, knowing their time was short as the planes engines were on and they were taxiing further away from her.

'Taking off now. Will check in when I can. Love you.' Clay sent to Emma and she pocketed her phone, wanting to cry for him.

"I'm sorry Emma...I really am...I tried...I just..."

"You are scared."

"Aren't you?"

"My whole family other than Mikey and my Grandma are on that plane...what do you think?" Emma said getting out of the car. Leaning back in she said, "Take his car home. Get your stuff from his apartment and bring his keys to our house. IF you decide it is easier to walk away you will be done...otherwise you can come get the keys anytime." Emma said, furious that Clay was now headed out of the country and knew that he wouldn't talk to anyone about being hurt...she only hoped Sonny could break through.

* * *

"Care to tell me why I was told to keep an eye on you?" Sonny asked Clay once they were in the air.

"Don't want to talk about it Sonny." Clay snapped, anger...he could do anger...he wanted to lay down and cry but leaving for a mission...with no end date...in another country...alone...anger he could do.

"Lady problems?" Sonny asked.

"You don't know how to listen do you?"

"Whatever Romeo. Just want you to know I am here is all."

"This you being here?" Clay asked, looking up to him and fighting the tears in his eyes.

"This is me being real dumbass." Sonny said, quickly sitting down next to Clay as he watched his eyes glisten as he fought whatever emotions he was feeling.

"Think you can shut up long enough for me to sleep?" Clay asked, laying down with the top of his head touching Sonny's thigh.

"Sure thing Little Buddy." Sonny nodded as he put his hand on Clay's shoulder. They hadn't even reached cruising altitude and he already had a bad feeling about this mission...whatever was going on with Clay was big...to have him voluntarily seek out comfort...that was not normal behavior and if they weren't on a plane headed to Mexico he would be on the phone with either Emma or Naima asking what to say.

Sonny sat still knowing Clay could feel him and that was the only way he would relax. Looking across the plane he saw Jason watching them and when the Kid's head finally tilted to the side and he knew he was asleep he nodded to Jason who quickly went over and sat down on the other side of Sonny. "He good?"

"Your daughter told me to keep an eye on him."

"Any particular reason?"

"None that I have been privy to." Sonny mumbled. "How are you?"

"My kids are alone and I am going to another country with no real plan for how to complete our mission." Jason deadpanned. "I'm fabulous."

"At least it is Mexico." Sonny shrugged one shoulder.

"Yeah." Jason mumbled. "Five hour flight?"

"Sounds about right." Sonny said, "You talk to Miss Mandy?"

"I'm fine."

"I was asking about the package."

"Oh."

"No. She doesn't know anything otherwise she would have told us."

"Jace...the Kid...did Emma say anything to you?"

Jason pulled out his phone and shook his head, "Just that she loved me and they would be okay." Jason said, "They made me a calendar for the best times to Skype."

"She didn't say anything before about him?"

"She was going to meet Stella and Hannah at the mall last night to go dress shopping...Mikey had said he heard Emma saying Stella freaked out again about the bruise."

"When you told him to get out of the car?"

"Fuck Sonny I don't know. She hugged him after I banged on the roof." Jason said, even as he said it he had a feeling something had happened...for Clay to be asleep, his head against Sonny's leg...Emma telling Sonny to keep an eye on him...they were not ready for this mission.

* * *

"Everybody, this is Rita Alfaro, my counterpart in Mexican intelligence and the liaison for our operation here." Mandy said once they landed.

"Bienvenidos. On behalf of Mexican CISEN, welcome. We look forward to working with you in the spirit of cooperation." Rita smiled.

"Yeah, well, I'm more interested in the spirit of air-conditioning." Sonny grumbled.

"Why so many guns?" Jason asked.

"We don't want anything to happen to you on the way in. You'll want your weapons hot. Let's load up." Rita explained to Bravo.

"Broad daylight. Largest metropolitan city in the world. And they are seriously worried about a hit?" Ray asked. "I already got a bad feeling, brother."

"Join the club." Jason mumbled as they walked towards their rigs.

As the team made their way to an abandoned factory that had become their home base they kept their heads on a swivel. What the hell had Mandy gotten them involved in? Go to Mexico City and be stuck behind bars, mandate of no alcohol, no women, no real tv. No solidified mission.

"This place makes our hooches in J-Bad look like Graceland."

"I've slept in nicer prison cells." Trent joked.

"No booze. Was he serious?" Brock asked.

"I hope so. Without rules, there's only windows and noses to break. I'm assuming you brought the emergency cache?" Sonny said, walking over towards Trent.

"You know it." Trent smiled, pulling a bottle of booze from his pack. "Should last a night or two."

"Oh, yeah. That stuff's fire, man." Sonny laughed. Looking over at Clay who was staring at a picture frame of him and Stella, "Aw. Looky here, Ray. You ever seen a cuter couple?"

"Oh, like the couple in the picture frame when you buy it." Ray answered and Sonny laughed, "Saying good-bye never gets any easier, brother. You just remember what you got waiting for you when you get back home." Ray told the Kid and Sonny saw the look on his face as he put the frame back in his bag.

As the guys sat around turning their cages into what would be their home for who knows how long none of them bothered to turn on their phones. Clay did get out his computer to see if he had any messages...and he did, from Emma. He sent a message back saying they had made it...yes he slept on the plane...yes Sonny was babysitting...yes her Dad was fine. He wondered if she had sent as many messages to anyone else on the team but he doubted anyone had seen them if she did.

That night Jason and Martinez got into it trying to establish dominance and Jason of course got his way. By the time everyone had dinner, it was late so the guys split up to get showered and settled in. Clay was stuck in his head and got up to go sit on the roof only to be followed by Sonny. "Just answer me one question Peter Pan." Sonny asked as he sat down next to his friend on the roof.

"What is that?" Clay asked, looking over at Sonny and hating how well the man could read him now.

"Stella freaking out?" Sonny watched Clay's face and knew the answer without him having to say anything.

"Emma was talking to her when we left."

"And?"

"Something about Ross and Rachel." Clay told him, he really didn't want to say the words out loud.

"I don't know what that means." Sonny lied, hoping that Emma could talk some sense into Stella before a break turned into forever.

"And I don't want to talk about it." Clay said, pleading with his eyes for Sonny not to ask anymore questions.

"Does it ever cool off here?" Sonny asked.

"How does someone named Sonny hate the sun?"

"May I just point out that it is in fact dark out and I do not hate the sun. I hate being hot without sitting poolside with a drink in my hand."

"Sonny?" Clay said after yawning and looking down at his watch.

"Yeah?"

"I...uh...thanks." Clay said, looking over at his brother.

"I've got you." Sonny told him, "You ready to sleep?"

"No."

"You ready to go back inside anyway?"

"Why?"

"Have a feeling that Jason needs to be up here more than we do right now."

"Why you say that?"

"First deployment since Alana died. Kids are alone. Million eyes on him."

"Oh uh yeah...should he even be here?" Clay asked, realizing for the first time just how alone and scared Emma and Mikey were feeling too and he suddenly felt selfish that she was worried about him.

"Order to things my young padawan."

"Ray and Blackburns problem, not ours?"

"Something like that."

"You are worried though?"

"I've known Jason long enough to know that when he says he is fine he never is."

"But you won't talk to him."

"He knows I am here if he decides to talk. Until then I do my job. And my job is to make sure your head is in the game."

* * *

"Ray. Hold up." Mandy called out as Ray walked towards their cages.

"Uh-oh. This can't be good." Ray smirked.

"Thanks. Can't a girl just say hi?" Mandy rolled her eyes.

"Absolutely, but not this one." Ray stopped and turned to face her.

"Mmm."

"Let me guess. You want to talk about our friend?" Ray said, crossing his arms.

"It took months to convince SOCOM to greenlight this op, and with everything that's happened you're concerned about Jason's headspace." When Ray rolled his eyes she went on, "You mean you don't have concerns?"

"Come on, Mandy. The guy's got a lot to deal with."

"That's precisely why I'm concerned. We won't catch Doza if Jason's head is elsewhere."

"Tough to doubt a man that comes out on the right side as often as Jason does. But I'll keep an eye on him." Ray told her. "Have you sat down to talk to him yet?"

"Tough guy to pin down."

"Talk to him yourself. He finds out you were talking about him instead of to him he will be pissed."

"Just want to know he is okay."

"He isn't. But you already knew that."

"So what are we supposed to do?"

"Once we all hit the hay he will head up to the roof." Ray told her.

"Sonny and Spencer are up there." Mandy said.

"They will be down soon. Think something happened with Stella before we took off."

"You think?"

"Does it matter? Kid knows how to do his job."

"The Kid is as hot headed as Jason."

"Yeah and our mission is to capture or kill so what is the problem?"

"If things go sideways..."

"We will be fine Mandy."

"Better be."

"He will be on the roof." Ray told her again. He knew Jason and as soon as he thought his guys were good he would leave so that he didn't keep them up.

* * *

Clay watched as Jason stuck his head into everyone's cages to see that they were asleep, nodding only at Sonny before he turned into his cage and walked over so he could see his open computer.

Seeing the chat box open with Emma, Jason squeezed the young man's shoulder, "I'll be upstairs if you need me."

"Hey Jace?" Clay stopped him, "It is okay that I talk to Emma...right?"

"Yeah Kid, it's okay." Jason said with a sad smile. "I need my kids to be okay." When Clay looked up at him Jason put his hand on Clay's head and brushed his hair from his face with his thumb. "I need my kids to be okay."

Clay slowly nodded, eyes filling with tears knowing that Jason wasn't just talking about Emma and Mikey and he leaned into the touch as Jason ran his thumb along his brow, closing his eyes and focusing on breathing. When he thought Clay was asleep Jason took the laptop and sent a message to his daughter, 'Go to bed. Love you. He will talk to you tomorrow.'

"I could have said goodnight." Clay mumbled, not opening his eyes and Jason went back to running his thumb along his brow.

"Night Kid." Jason finally whispered when Clay's lips parted in sleep.

When he looked up he saw Sonny watching him and he gave a sad smile, "I will be on the roof."

"Want company?" Sonny asked.

"Keep an eye on the Kid." Jason told him and Sonny nodded.

* * *

"Boys all asleep?" Mandy asked when Jason finally made it up to the roof.

"Sonny and Ray are still up."

"They good?"

"We are fine Mandy." He answered without looking at her.

"You don't have to lie to me Jason."

"What do you want me to say?"

"The truth."

"Why don't you tell me what is really going on here then? You don't have anything. Why are we even here?"

"You guys are the only ones who will be able to find him."

"Personal vendetta?"

"Jace..." She had been the one to fight to get Bravo over Alpha and Charlie Teams. She trusted Bravo and knew how they worked, she knew how the other two teams worked too but Bravo is what she needed. Jason is who she needed.

"I don't want to talk about Alana."

"So don't. But don't lie to me."

"I just want to get this mission done and get back home."

"Not the Jason I know."

"Yeah well the Jason you knew had someone at home to take care of things."

"Your Mom is helping out...and Naima...and Emma is..."

"It shouldn't be my daughters job to raise her younger brother."

"Or take care of the youngest member of your team?" Mandy questioned.

"Nothing wrong with her being close to the boys." Jason snappened. He didn't like what she was insinuating.

"Didn't say there was...she isn't a little girl anymore though and a part of you is still acting like she is."

"I am worried is all."

"There has been a lot of talk about you leading Bravo."

"I can do my job."

"As well as you could before the crash?"

"Everything is different now." Jason said, looking down at his hands, it wasn't just losing Alana that had changed, the whole team dynamic was different and a part of him knew that if the Navy knew just how close they all were they would separate them. Families do not serve in the same units for a reason.

"You can talk to me."

"I don't want to talk."

"So what do you want?"

"I don't know." Jason said leaning back against the brick wall of the factory roof.

"Come here." Mandy said, barely above a whisper as she scooted a little bit closer and Jason leaned his head against her shoulder as she put her hand over his, "Whether you want to talk or not...I am here. Okay?"

"We have extra eyes on us this time." He said, knowing they needed to get back to the cages before anyone had a chance to question them.

"Jason?" Mandy asked, feeling him lean into her more.

"Yeah?" He mumbled.

"Whatever happens...you know how to find me...okay?" She asked, leaning her head against the top of his.

He gently laced his fingers with hers and squeezed her hand, "I need to get back down there."

"Five more minutes." She whispered and he leaned back with a nod as he closed his eyes, feeling relaxed for the first time in weeks.

Five minutes turned into thirty as he fell asleep on her shoulder. Thirty turned into an hour and Ray snuck up the stairs and made eye contact with Mandy who nodded slightly. Ray came back a short while later with a blanket, watching as Mandy moved Jason so his head was resting on her thigh without waking him and he laid the blanket down over his Master Chief.

"He should be down there before daybreak." Ray told her.

"I want his head right for this mission. He needs sleep."

"Martinez starts his day watching the sunrise." Ray told her, knowing she wouldn't let him go any earlier than she had to. Ray often questioned their relationship over the years knowing that Jason did not trust easily but always turning to her. "You need to sleep too."

"I will make sure he is down there in an hour. Mandy said with a small nod and Ray went back downstairs.

Mandy sat there and watched Jason as he slept, tracing his features and the worry lines that were evident on his face, him leaning into her touch as he slept. A quarter to four she bent her knee and pulled him back into a sitting position, still leaning into her, "Need to go downstairs?" Jason asked.

"According to Ray...yes." Mandy said.

"Maybe I am different...but my boys...they can do this."

"I need your head in the game too Jace...we can't lose you." She said, hugging him into her before the two stood up together.

"I don't like all the eyes." Jason said before they walked down the stairs.

"Get some sleep please." Mandy told him.

"I could say the same to you." Jason smiled.

* * *

"I feel like these Mexican uniforms are like the skinny jeans of military apparel." Sonny said, squirming trying to get comfortable.

"Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure our hosts don't want us flashing Old Glory across the city, right?" Ray smiled.

"It's just they're just so form fitting, you know? I swear on the Bible, my testosterone count is dropping as we speak." Sonny explained.

"Well, look on the bright side, Sonny, right? At least that uni helps highlight your enormous ass." Clay smirked.

"Well, I sense some jealousy there of my gluteus maximus. See, look at this: the bend and snap." Sonny smirked as he imitated the move from Legally Blonde...as much as the team laughed they all knew he had watched it with Emma, it was one of her favorite movies.

"Hey, wait, wait. Why's Sonny ass look so big in those pants, huh?" Jason said kicking the mans backside as he came down with Martinez. "You hear that?"

"All this talk about my backside is seriously making me reconsider my commitment to Bravo right now."

"Gentlemen, my men here will drive us to the target." Jason's counterpart interrupted the mood and Bravo quickly stepped inline and went to work. As they drove through the city different members of the team asked different questions, mostly related to Doza or how the city worked.

Trying to lighten the mood as they reached the compound they were headed Sonny asked, "What do you say in Spanish before you go on a mission?"

"Que la Fuerza te acompana."

"Okay. Que la Fuerza te acompana." Sonny repeated

"Let's do this." The team said as they parked, Clay smirking at what Sonny had just said, the only one who knew the translation.

* * *

"All stations, this is Bravo 3. I just saw the HVT squirt out of the east side of the target building."

"Bravo 3, we see one unknown exiting the east side of the target building, moving north of your position. I think that's Gonzalez."

"Good copy, Havoc. Break. Bravo 1, this is Bravo 3. I suggest we run down Gonzalez. Havoc can coordinate mobility platforms via ISR, and we cut him off."

"Negative, Bravo 3. Not without us. Stand by."

As Jason looked in on a room of tortured people he made the decision not to go after Gonzalez. He knew that Mandy and the team would be pissed but he knew that if he did not get the prisoners out he might as well kill them himself.

"Holy mother of God." Ray mumbled when he entered the room.

"Bravo 1, this is Havoc. We still have eyes on the HVT via ISR." No one from Bravo had told them what they had found and they didn't understand Jason's hesitation to go after the man they were chasing.

"Bravo 1, this is Bravo 3. If we don't move now, Gonzalez is gone." As Sonny punched a wall as he watched Gonzalez disappear from sight he yelled into comms, "Bravo 1, this is Bravo 3. We can still get Gonzalez if we move. Am I cleared hot to go after him?"

"3, hold what you got."

"Say again your last, Bravo 1."

"Negative, Bravo 3. Set security and hold what you've got. We've got civilians down here who are in bad shape. We got to get them out."

"I copy. Holding my position." Sonny said. First Clay. Now Jason. Their heads are not in the game. They are scared and now he is pissed...Mandy will be pissed...and Jason will get an obscene amount of feedback from the cake eaters and Gonzalez was gone.

When they were all back in their vehicles the looks on the rest of the teams faces, something had gone down...Clay looked pissed, Ray contemplating saying anything but staying quiet. When Sonny tried to crack a joke he was quickly shut down. The mission had not gone as planned.

* * *

"Know what? Whatever it is you want to say, just wait till morning." Jason yelled at Mandy once they were back at the compound.

"Your op just lit up every government line from JSOC to the Pentagon." She yelled back.

"Is that right? Hopefully praising us for saving six civilians from being tortured to death." Jason hated to have his decisions questioned. He knew those people would be dead if they had gone after Gonzalez.

"Well, the target was Gonzalez."

"Dividing my force was not an option. Are you questioning me right now, Mandy?" He asked, getting into her face.

"You know what, Jason? Given everything that's gone on in your life, I absolutely understand your hesitancy to drive deeper into danger." She took the cheap shot, knowing that if Jason refused to acknowledge his feelings he needed an outlet for them and if it took her being the bad guy she was willing to do it so he could get his head back in the game.

"Hesitancy? The only thing that went into my thought process was the safety of my men. Alpha and Charlie leaders would've made the same call."

"We don't stand a chance of getting Doza if your head is back home. I didn't come here to lose."

"Neither did I." He yelled before turning to Ray, "Ray? Give me the phones." When he handed him the bag he shoved it at Mandy, "Here you go. That's from Doza. Turn defeat into victory." Slamming his hand into the wall before heading up to their cages. Of course he had gathered all the phones during the raid, he always managed to come out ahead even when he was losing.

* * *

"You know what? May have come up short, but, you know, it was good having the team back." Sonny said when they were all together on the roof that night.

"Got that right." Jason smiled.

"Yeah. We're gonna get Gonzalez."

"That's not gonna happen." Clay snapped, between the mission going sideways and Stella still not answering his calls or messages he was in one hell of a mood.

"Why's that?"

"Gonzalez knows he's targeted. Guy's gonna stay underground as long as he has to...missed our chance." Clay finished as he shot back some whiskey.

"Oh, fun police." Ray said, looking over at Martinez, surprised that Clay had the balls to question Jason.

"Gentlemen, if you insist on breaking my rules, at least don't insult our nation by drinking that donkey water, okay?" He said as he produced a bottle of tequila.

"All right."

"There he goes."

"Today we saw our enemy for the first time. You earned a drink."

"Thank you, Colonel."

"Que la Fuerza te acompana, huh? Isn't that right, Lopez?"

"You know that means "May the Force be with you," right?" Clay asked laughing with the rest of the team.

"So you're a funny guy, is that it? Okay, I see you. It's a two-way street, man. Two ways." Sonny smirked, happy he had gotten everyone to laugh.

Stepping back from the group Jason looked over at Martinez, "Colonel, you and your men are great soldiers." He tried to even the playing grounds and knew that in order to get home to his kids they had to work together.

"Likewise. Now, let's just make a deal, okay?" Martinez said, "You lead your men, and I lead mine."

"Just needed to know what kind of partner force we were dealing with there."

"Mm-hmm."

"Including your boy Lopez there." Jason said nodding to the man. "Just upset that we didn't accomplish the op, that's all."

"Well, let's not forget you brought back six men from the dead today, okay? And because of you, there are six families who are celebrating, not mourning. That's a victory in my book."

"Yeah. You know, when you put it that way, it sounds much better."

"Good. Family is everything."

"Salud."

"Which reminds me, I got an appointment to keep." Jason said excusing himself to go and call his kids.

* * *

Once Ray saw Jason go back into the building he sighed and oved over next to Clay, "You're awful quiet over here, Spenser...Except when you're challenging Jason."

"Mm. I saw your face when he stood us down. You were just as confused by the call as I was." Clay responded, head in the clouds as he thought about Stella back home.

"Uh look, man, I am still sitting here under God's stars because Jason makes the right call more often than not. No need to start us questioning him now. Look, I know this is a tricky one. Right? Whole team back together kind of puts you into the "new guy" mode again when you've more than proven yourself. That what eating at you?" Ray knew he was basically talking to himself, the Kid only half listening to what he was saying.

"That's it. Thanks." Clay mumble as he stood up and Ray watched as he walked into the building before turning and giving a questioning look to Sonny who just shrugged his shoulders.

* * *

As Clay wandered through the factory, finally making his way into their cages he overheard Jason talking to Mikey and Emma and he felt a sharp pang of loneliness. "First of all, your top finger, it's got to be wrapped around it. Hold on. All right, try it again. Let's see it. Let 'er rip. That's not too bad. Just got to turn your wrist over a little faster next time."

"Mikey's getting good, Dad." He heard Emma's voice and knew she was smiling. He wished he could smile.

"Soon my shot's gonna be better than yours." Mikey told Jason.

"As we know, if it's a shot, it's got to be a goal, and if it's a goal, it's got to be Bardownski." Jason smiled as Clay went into his cage pulling out his laptop to call Stella. "According to the, uh, calendar you guys made me, same time tomorrow?" Clay heard Jason say as his call went unanswered.

"I think I can make that work, Dad."

"Wow, I've been gone a day, and you're already in some kind of demand." Jason laughed but before he could say anything else both Jason and Clay froze when they heard a loud explosion.

"What was that?" Clay heard Emma yell as Jason slammed the laptop closed.

"Car bomb?" Clay asked as Jason moved out of his cage.

"When did you get in here?" Jason asked as the two of them made their way back up to the roof.

"Tried to call Stella." Clay mumbled.

"Not home?" Jason asked. Clay shrugged as Jason opened the door to the roof where the car alarm was even louder and another explosion rang out.

"Muerta. Marked for death. Gonzalez identified me. My family." Lopez said.

As Martinez barked orders for other members of his team to go and get the Lopez family Jason looked around at their men. "Hell of a first day." Mandy told Jason before walking away.

* * *

The mood on the rooftop was solemn as they waiting to know if Lopez's family was still alive and safe and after a half hour Clay went down to the cages and after being ignored again by Stella he called Emma who answered on the first ring. "Are you guys okay?" She asked.

"Yeah. Fine. Car fire is all...we aren't exactly staying at the Four Seasons." Clay told her.

"Stella dropped your keys off over here." Emma said, "I uh...I thought you should know."

"This is really happening then." Clay said looking up at the ceiling and away from the computer screen.

"Hey." Emma said, wanting more than anything to have her family home with them.

"Emma I...why am I not enough?"

"You are." Emma told him and after a minute he finally glanced down at the screen, "Clay you are."

"This sucks."

"Look at me." Emma told him. "Dammit Clay look at me." She said louder and he finally looked at her. "I love you, you know that...right?" Clay ran his hand over his face and took a shaky breath in before nodding. "You are loved." She repeated.

"Okay." Clay mumbled.

"Clay."

"I will talk to you tomorrow." He said before quickly closing his computer and laying down in his hammock.

'Love you asshole.' Emma sent in a text and he smiled.

'You might be the only one.' He sent back.

'Always have my phone.'

'Love you. Go to bed.' Clay said before muting his phone and dropping it on his chest, pulling his hat down over his eyes.


	22. Chapter 22

"Where's Jace?" Clay asked after he woke up, finding his team leader missing from his hammock.

"My guess is the roof." Sonny shrugged.

"No one is up there with him?" Clay asked.

"Blackburn has been checking on him." Ray mumbled, still laying in his hammock.

"But not talking to him?" Clay argued.

"You know as well as I do that if we try to talk to him he would jump down our throats like he did to Mandy." Ray scolded.

"He needs us." Clay said, crossing his arms.

"Yeah...he does...but while we are on mission..." Sonny tried to calm Clay down.

"Will you at least try?" Clay practically begged Ray who just silently nodded and left the cages.

"You that worried about him?" Brock asked Clay.

"Aren't you?" He asked as he pulled out his phone, annoyed that no one else seems to care...feeling like shit that Jason was alone...that he was alone...and because of what their job was they couldn't do anything about it.

'You still there?', 'I mean it when I say I am here.', 'Dammit Clay-you don't have to do this alone.' Were the three messages Emma had sent since he silenced his phone the night before and he couldn't help but smile.

'Hope you got more sleep than your old man.' Clay sent her.

'Everything okay there?'

'He isn't okay whether we are here or home.' Clay told her, wondering if he was crossing a line talking to Emma about him but not really caring.

'Being there makes it worse?'

'It doesn't make it better.'

'I mean it when I said that you aren't in this alone.'

'I know.'

'You sleep okay?'

'I slept.'

'Be safe today...okay?'

'Have a good day at school.' Clay said before pocketing his phone and jumping up as their phones all pinged that it was time to get to work.

* * *

Ray saw Jason standing on the ledge of the roof when he walked out, and dragging his feet so he didn't startle the man he walked towards him.

"Morning." Jason said, not needing to turn around, he knew Ray or Blackburn would be up there to talk to him sooner than later.

"Hey. You, uh you sleep last night?" Ray asked as he walked up to him already knowing the answer.

"Did I sleep last night? Whoa Ah, just worked on my Cirque Du Soleil routine all night. Next time I'll bring my wires." Jason said, spinning around and sitting on the ledge.

"Yeah. Now that's the Jason Hayes I know. Always turning to a synthesis of circus dance styles to ease your mind. Thinking about Mike and Emma?"

"Yeah." Jason knew this line of questioning was going to come eventually. He also knew that Ray wouldn't push and that he probably came up because Clay had asked him to. That kid...he could read him like a book but at least was learning to listen to the rest of the guys and leaving him alone...if it were him that asked he wouldn't be able to keep it together.

"You got a lot going on, brother. Doesn't leave a lot of time for yourself, you know, for you to process all you've been through. Got to have a clear head for this mission."

"What's that mean? I'm clear. I'm crystal clear." Kill Doza, go home. Mission clear. Head clear...or at least that was what he wanted.

"I know. But you blaming yourself for Lopez's situation does not help." That...what did he expect him to do? He challenged Lopez and he had manned up and now his family was paying the price.

"See, I challenged Lopez and he took the bait. And now the man's family is marked for death." Jason said, as if that explained everything...and it did, to Ray anyway. The two could read each other like they were one person when they were working together and despite them being apart for months while he healed they had still spent time together away from work.

"That's just war, brother. Bad things happen to good people. Lord knows we've seen plenty of that, right? But you get yourself personally involved in trying to change that reality, there's no way we can get the job done."

"Yeah." Jason mumbled as their phones pinged, "Oh, work calls."

"We aren't done here." Ray said as the two walked back into the building.

"I'm trying Ray." Jason told him.

"I know Brother. I've got your back though...remember that."

* * *

As the team quickly geared up and loaded into the van Jason and Clay locked eyes and nodded at each other. Neither were okay but they could do their jobs. "Right, Bravo 1, this is Havoc Base. Continue moving straight ahead north. Approximately 400 meters." Blackburn said over the radio.

"Copy, Havoc. We'll update you once we have eyes on. Until then, we're flying blind."

"While Doza is popping bottles, living like a royal, we're cooped up in this van looking for a burner phone." Clay complained.

"Looks like all the numbers we got off the phones in the Gonzalez raid were dead within an hour except this one. Whoever owns this cell, they're connected to Andres Doza. It's a good lead." Ray said.

"I still got a bad feeling." Sonny mumbled.

"You and your bad feelings." The guys teased Sonny.

"All right, 100 meters. From your 12 o'clock, you'll hit a market square. Phone's pinging from that location. You follow the guy who has that phone, he'll lead us right to Doza." Eric said over the radio. "Bravo 1, be advised. HVT is likely on foot. You see anything?"

"Yeah, I see a lot of things. How are we supposed to know who this guy is?" Clay grumbled.

"Havoc, we got nothing out here. Anything else you can give us?" Jason asked.

"Bravo 1, we read his location as 70 meters north of your pos. 60 meters. 30 meters." Eric counted down the distance.

"All right, boys. We're here." Jason said.

"Here?" Clay questioned.

"Right here." Jason said giving Clay a look. "Havoc, this is 1, we're pursuing on foot."

"Bravo 1, this is Havoc. HVT appears to be 15 meters north of your position; you should see him."

As the team wandered around, multiple people on phones, everyone just milling around the market they were at a loss for who they were actually looking for. Clay taking photos of things and people that could be important later but know one being able to distinguish the person they were looking for. "Havoc, this is 1. Dial his phone to positively I. D. him when he picks up." Jason said after he had circled with Clay for the third time.

"All we have is a phone number. If we dial it, we might spook him." Mandy said into the radio.

"Doesn't matter. If you don't dial him, we're gonna lose him. Dial it. There's too many people out here." Jason argued.

"All right, Bravo 1, stand by. We're making the call." Eric told them.

"All stations, Havoc Base is gonna dial the possible HVT. Key in on anyone who picks up their phone and acts in an erratic way." Jason ordered.

"Got him. Guy in a blue Armani suit." Clay took as many photos as he could as they made their way back to the van. "In the white Mercedes."

"Havoc, this is 1. We're following a white Mercedes. Possible HVT." Jason said as Trent drove the van, "Sending a photo in for I. D. Put every FRS resource on it now."

"Bravo 1, maintain eyes on."

"A-firm, Havoc. We still have him. HVT is in a white Mercedes." Jason said before turning to Trent, "Trent, watch your distance."

"Check. Backing off." Trent said as he slowed down.

"Havoc, this is 1. Target is still moving east."

"J. On our three." Ray pointed out the car next to them.

"What's our rules of engagement?" Sonny asked.

"Don't fire unless fired upon." Jason told them.

"Mad-dogging us kind of feels like engagement to me." Clay said as Trent sped off as soon as the light changed.

"Bravo 1, stay on target until CISEN can get surveillance team in place."

"Roger that. Bravo out." Jason said as they continued to follow the white Mercedes into the next town. "Havoc, this is 1. HVT is parked. Heading into a club at our 11 o'clock."

"Gentlemen's establishment." They heard over the radio.

"It's a strip club. Finally something I can be happy about." Sonny smiled.

"We need somebody on the inside to keep eyes on him." Jason said.

"It's safer to wait for him to come out, right, boss?"

"Guy's got to leave the strip club eventually."

"That's debatable." Sonny smirked.

"Know what, it could be a ditch point, a back way out, a tunnel it's-it's too risky. Clay, Sonny, you're tourists on a bender. Get inside. Go." Jason said.

"Sending Sonny into a strip club. Is that profiling, boss?" Clay smirked.

"My natural habitat there, Clay. No offense taken." Sonny laughed as he climbed out of the van.

"What do you say, Sonny?" Clay chuckled as they walked into the strip club.

"I say welcome to the promised land." Sonny smiled, hands on Clay's shoulders leading him in.

"American, yes?" A stripper asked.

"Yeah." Clay answered.

"Mmm. You want a dance?" She asked him.

"Oh, he's got a girlfriend." Sonny answered for him.

"Yeah. Oh, so do I." She teased.

"Oh, you do?"

"Yeah."

"Well, where is she?" Sonny laughed as she walked up to the stage. "This is why I love strip clubs."

"Bravo 6, what's your status?" The two heard over comms.

"Uh, we got eyes on him." Clay said, quickly spotting the man at a booth with girls all around him.

"Check. What's he doing?"

"Yup, he's, uh, enjoying the scenery. He didn't come in here to lose a tail." Sonny said.

"Permanent surveillance team is 30 minutes out. He moves, you let us know." Jason told them.

"Copy." Sonny answered before turning to Clay, "Captain America, we need to focus on the target, not on the ladies, okay?"

"Come on, just playing the part, Buddy." Clay smirked, finally taking his eyes off the woman who had been talking to them and looking at his friend.

As gunshots rang out Sonny quickly said into the radio, "Bravo 1, three fighting-age males just engaged our HVT."

"Hold fast, we're coming to you." Jason said.

"That's a negative. We're solid. The shooters just went out the back door. Our HVT was ambushed. He's down hard. Stone cold, boss." Sonny told them before the two of them made their way outside to the van.

After they made their way back to the factory with another dead end Sonny laughed, "You know, if God was trying to cure me of, you know, strip clubs, today was a good start. You know, what's that, uh, psychological term that they use?"

"Negative association?" Trent asked.

"Yeah, that's the one. Yeah, maybe I'll take up Sunday brunch instead. Cafe in Spanish means coffee."

"You're just a regular Rosetta Stone, aren't you there, Sonny?" Clay laughed.

"Look at that, Bam Bam perking up. Coming out of his funk.

"Middle-of-the-day hit. This place is more Wild West than Texas." Ray said as Sonny climbed the fire escape up to their cages.

"Hey, there's nothing more wild and West than Texas. Don't get on my list, Ray." Sonny laughed.

"What the hell happened out there?" Jason yelled.

"What? Vega didn't turn his phone off. That's a capital offense in the Doza Cartel. Jay, 20,000 soldiers, and in 24 hours they managed to weed out the one dude that didn't get with the program. Those guys are smart and they don't play soft."

"Yeah, but Mandy should've seen that coming. She should have seen that coming, Ray."

"It's hard to see a public execution coming, boss. You can't fault her for not being able to see the future."

"I can't fault her? She could've blown our cover. Doza killed a DEA agent."

"I hear you. Look, we all want to get Doza, brother." Ray said, trying to calm down Jason as the rest of the team wandered off in different directions.

* * *

"Hey." Lisa smiled when Clay walked into the supply room.

"Hey." Clay said.

"Need some help?" She said walking over to him.

"Yeah, sure." He said as he pulled out the camera from his bag.

"What you got?"

"SD, batteries." He shrugged.

"Got it." She said as she took the equipment from his hands.

"Thanks." Clay said before looking up at Davis. "Hey, you know, I, um, I never asked you about Danny, if you were okay."

"Well, that's sweet of you to ask, but why are you asking now?" Lisa asked, she could tell something was up with him but didn't know if he was asking for himself or for Jason.

"Just wondering." He shrugged and she knew it was for him.

"Eight months later?" She asked again, she knew him well enough to know that he wouldn't open up anymore than Jason would and she had to tread lightly.

"Yeah, you know, the way that you, uh, the way you dealt with it, never complaining, I mean, even though, I'm sure, something like that really hurt." He rambled.

"Yeah, well, it hurt like hell, but time helps. Look, I know it's cliche, but it does, and friends really make a difference." She said reaching out and touching his arm. "Everything okay with you and Stella?"

"Perfect." He lied, seeing Sonny walking in.

"Eh. What are you two chuckleheads talking about?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing."

"Oh, it don't sound like nothing."

"Sonny, you just creeping on people, or do you need something?" Lisa smirked, giving Clay time to get his emotions in check.

"Just came to get my hat." Sonny said, grabbing his Longhorns hat from his bag, "That's right. Hook 'em, baby!" Sonny said, smacking Clay's ass as he walked past.

"What, is it always sunny in Doucheville?" Clay laughed, "Why you got your glasses on indoors, Buddy."

"Clay what's really going on?" Davis asked once Sonny had left the room.

"Stella." Clay shrugged.

"She still freaking?" She asked, walking over and leaning against the window in front of Clay.

"Between Alana, Adam and me getting hit..." He said without looking up.

Watching him and knowing him well enough to know that he was really struggling and it went deeper than Stella leaving him. "Talk to the guys?"

"Emma." He said, looking up at her.

"She talk to Stella?"

"Yeah."

"That was why you turned around...and then she went to your car...she was trying to..." Lisa stumbled, surprised that Emma had picked up that something was wrong just by the look on Clay's face when he had turned around for a brief second.

"Yeah...anyway...uh...it just sucks and I know it isn't the same as you losing Danny or Jason losing Alana but..."

"It sucks."

"Twenty minutes we need that video. Davis you got it?" Eric asked as he walked into the room.

"Yes Sir. Do you need anything else?" Lisa asked their commander.

"That's all for now." He said walking out just as quickly as he walked in and when Lisa looked up from the computer Clay was gone.

* * *

After the team watched the video Eric looked to Jason, "Only thing they took was Vega's phone. Left his bag of cash. Definitely Doza's men who killed him."

"Yeah, well, seems to me that somebody should've seen that one coming." He said as he glared at Mandy and the rest of Bravo knew that a show was coming.

"CISEN recovered the Mercedes. GPS tells a story. Backlog of addresses. Multiple visits to local businesses likely under Doza's control: bars, nightclubs, construction companies." Rita commented.

"A-Any private residences?" Sonny asked.

"No. But one business stands out: uh, the Reyes Talent Agency." Rita answered.

"Yes, it's legit and owned by a very successful businesswoman, Carla Reyes." Mandy finished.

"So why's a cartel bagman stopping by a business like that?"

"Don't know, but there will be a Doza connection. We just have to figure it out."

"Yeah, figure it out. We'll just figure it out right before you send us into another setup, Mandy. Average work. Average." Jason said before standing up and storming out only to be followed by Mandy.

"You know damn well that wasn't a setup. What the hell was that?" She yelled at him once they were in a private room.

"Really? That was me publicly questioning you. Why? I'm sorry, do you not like that?"

"You don't do that. Not to me."

"Oh, not to you? Okay. You can just go to Harrington. You can ask him questions and doubt my mission readiness here. That's fine, right?"

"Different."

"Different? How's that different?"

"That was me doing due diligence. This was you reacting."

"You doubted my mission readiness. You doubted that. Why?" Jason asked, trying not to punch a wall and wanting to rip his hair out...he knew why...he just didn't know why she of all people didn't just talk to him herself since she knew him better than anyone alive.

"Why? Because you're not made of steel, Jason." Her voice cracking she listed off her reasons, "You lost Alana. You waved off Mumbai. You've been away from Ray for six months. Why wouldn't I have doubts about where your head is at for an op like this?"

"Next time you have doubts, just come to me. Right? Talk to me, talk to me." He yelled at her.

"Oh, right, because Team guys are famous for talking about their feelings." She said, wanting nothing more than to pull him into a hug but knowing that would never happen...not there...not like that.

"I'm sorry, feelings? What do feelings have to do with this?"

"You lost your wife, Jason. Your children have one parent now. That feels like something, right?" She hated that she was the one crying, he hated that she was crying for him...because she cared about him...but he couldn't break, "I don't know how those feelings might change decisions you make in the field. Look, with D. C. and SOCOM micromanaging this operation, everything had to be squared away, including you. I was doing my job."

"Just doing your job." Jason mumbled.

"Just let it go. You're here, right?" She didn't know what to say to him...and she knew there was nothing that she could say that would make him feel any better. He needed someone to be angry with because he couldn't be mad at himself and get the job done. She knew he was more mad at the situation than her and it killed her that she couldn't say what she wanted to say.

"Right, I'm here, Mandy. I'm here with a knife in my back." He said, sitting down and putting his head in his hands.

"You know that is not true." Mandy said, walking over and standing in front of him. "You know I will ALWAYS have your back."

"Just go." He mumbled, his voice shaking.

"Jace..." Mandy softly said his name.

"I just...leave me alone." He said, looking up at her with tears in his eyes.

"When you decide to stop with your pitty party you know where to find me." Mandy said, squeezing his shoulder before walking out of the room.

He looked up at the doorway after she left him alone and he took a few deep breaths before getting up and walking out to the courtyard. "As the Americans say, huh, another swing and a miss?" Martinez asked, coming up to his side.

"It's not the first time an op's gone sideways on us, all right? We'll find a way." He snapped before looking up and seeing Lopez helping unload suitcases from a car.

"Juan and Abril have been together for a very long time. They're childhood sweethearts. They're gonna be safe from Doza here." Martinez said with a sad smile.

"I shouldn't have pushed him to go on the Gonzalez raid." Jason told him, his counterpart shrugged, "What's your story, Colonel? You married?"

"Si. A wife and a son."

"You're not worried about 'em?"

"Ah, not anymore. I sent them to Spain two years ago, outside of Doza's reach."

"That's good. Must be nice to know that, uh, they're safe."

"Ah, safe only because they're 6,000 miles away from everything that they know and they love...from me."

"Meanwhile, Doza is still here."

"Yeah. His daughters, they go to school maybe six miles from this very spot. You have children?"

"Yeah, I got two." Jason said thinking of Emma and Mikey at home...alone...his mom hopefully arriving that day.

"Their mother, if she's like my wife, she's a saint for putting up with all of this, right?"

When Martinez said it his breath held in his throat and he looked down at his shoes, "She is a saint." He said looking back up, "Too good for me."

"They're all too good for us, Jason."

"We'll find him. We'll find him." He said. They had to. It was the only way for him to get home to his kids.

* * *

"Hey, buddy, what are you doing?"

"Oh, you know, just trying to get a little Skinemax."

"We should get out of here, man. Let's go, let's go back downtown and go hit another club or something, you know?"

Sonny laughed at Clay's eagerness, "I don't know if that's such a good idea there, Fabio."

"Come on. You're always hounding me how I need to get after it. Let's go. Let's get after it, buddy." Sonny just looked up and shook his head, Come on, let's go." Clay egged.

"Listen, I hate the fact you're forcing me to be the voice of reason right here, but a man was gunned down right in front of us, and you now want to go outside the wire to go to another club?" Sonny said before turning back to the television set. "Yup. It's not happening."

"You're losing your edge there, Sonny."

"I suggest you go into your cage. Call Stella. She'll keep you from climbing the walls. All right? I'm gonna sit here with an ice-cold beer."

Clay sighed, he wished he could call Stella...and he had tried about a thousand times but she had yet to answer, "Disappointed, buddy. Yep. You have fun sitting on your little ice-cold beer there."

"I will." Sonny said, shaking his head at Clay. The kid was definitely fighting something, between his urgency with checking on Jason and his wanting to go outside the wire...no photos up in his hooch...something was up.

* * *

"Carla Reyes. Self-made, built her own talent agency. No records, no criminal history. A pillar of the community and very well-respected."

"Why do I have the feeling you're about to take some of the shine off that respect?"

"That's for sure."

"Two of her clients models were found murdered last year. Tortured and hanged."

"So how does this connect Doza to them?"

"We believe Carla Reyes has been providing "models" to the upper level of Doza's cartel."

"Hooking them?"

"Yes."

"So, have the local PD bring in Ms. Carla Reyes and make her squeal."

"Not that easy. High chance of leaks with the Mexican police."

MANDY: "Doza would find out we're working her and the lead would go cold. We need names from Carla."

"So we got to bring her in without anybody knowing we have her. Raid her house."

"She lives in an upscale high-rise. Tons of security."

"Her office?"

RITA: "Carla has hundreds of people working for her. Cameras all over the place."

"How does she get to work?"

"Drives herself."

JASON: "Drives herself? There you go. V. I. Vehicle interdiction. It's a two-car job. Isolate her, the lead car boxes her in. The follow car pulls alongside, makes the snatch, we take her car with us."

"ISR?"

"No. A drone over the city would just stand out."

"Let's just put a helo up. Lot of choppers in the sky. No one's gonna even blink."

"I'm coming, too. I need to help."

MARTINEZ: "No, no, no. You're out of the action. You stay with your family."

"Colonel..."

"I can't have your focus in two different places at the same time."

"That's it. That's the plan. Go back, do whatever it is you need to do. Sonny, take care of business. Right? We'll meet back here at 1500." Jason said, looking only at Sonny, he knew that the man would put together the vehicles and have them ready for action, his head actually in the game unlike his own or Clay's and not wanting to meet eyes with Ray...the one man who had his back unconditionally but could also read him and knew where to push and right now he didn't want to be pushed.

* * *

After Sonny and Ray finished getting the cars ready they walked out into the courtyard to fine Lopez's boys sitting on a curb talking in spanish and looking as glum as he felt Bravo was. Being holed up in a factory was no fun for anyone and especially no fun for young boys. "See this right here?" Sonny talked to them about football, whether they could understand or not the kids at least seemed entertained, "These boys, they play in a terrible land called Alabama. It's full of bugs, it's all swampy. They like to run their mouths a lot, and they wear these big old red shirts. Now, the thing is, they ain't ever played against Vince Young. He's a he's like a Greek god, and instead of throwing lightning bolts, he throws a football." The boys smiled, no idea what Sonny was talking about but the tough American soldier was fun, "You with me? Now, he's a real American hero."

"You know they can't understand you?" Lopez asked as he and Ray stood to the side watching.

"Yes, they can. It's all mental." He smiled before taking their soccer ball, "Give me the ball. Here you are. See? Huh? Now, look, this right here, this ain't no American football. But when in Mexico, carpe diem." He said running off, the boys tailing after to play soccer. "Check this out. Goal! You like that? That was good, right?"

"Seems like the kids are holding up pretty good. Tough like their dad."

"I'd rather they be happy than tough. They should be in school, not hiding behind walls. The worse part? Doza's after my family, and I can't even take up the fight against him."

"Hey. We're taking up the fight for you."

"A few years back, a soldier I knew was marked for death. He went underground. When the cartel couldn't find him, they slit his wife and daughter's throats. They marked his mother, his father, sister and her children. And the only way he could save them, to stop Doza's men from slaughtering everyone he knew and loved, was to give himself up to the cartel. They hung him from a bridge across the street from his sister's home."

"It's not a happy ending, Lopez."

"The rest of his family lived. His death secured their lives."

"Animals."

"No. Devils."

"Quit your yapping and come play." Sonny yelled to Lopez and Ray and the two went over and joined Sonny and the boys in their game of soccer, the others joining in as they came down until Jason and Martinez emerged ready to leave.

* * *

"Havoc Base, this is Bravo 6. Got eyes on Reyes' vehicle. She's about to come around a corner." Clay said from his seat in the helicopter.

"Got visual confirmation. Target on the move. Bravo 3, you in position?" Jason said into the radio.

"This is Bravo 3. We're in position at the interdiction point." Sonny said from where he sat in the car with Brock.

"Bravo 1, be advised, target is still maintaining a course towards the interdiction point." Eric said into the radio.

"Check. Good copy, Havoc." Jason acknowleged.

"Getting close to go time, boss." Ray said.

"Bravo 3, stand by. HVT is heading your way."

"Bravo 3 is ready to dance." Sonny answered.

"Bravo 6, how's your view?"

"No walkers or joggers in the street. Nearest car is three blocks behind. Our window's opening. HVT is one minute out."

"Only got one shot at this, boys."

"No pressure."

"Bravo 3, we're turning the last corner."

"This is Bravo 3. I have eyes on target. All elements, on my mark."

"Hey, h-hold up, hold up. We got a train coming. We got a train coming." Clay said, wanting to punch something as he looked down to see the crossing gates close right in front of Reyes car.

"You got to be kidding me. Come on, come on, come on, come on The hell is she doing?" Jason growled. "Havoc Base, this is 1. I've got a major problem. HVT is veering off course. I say again, she is veering off course." Jason said into the radio.

"Yeah, we're seeing it, Bravo 1. We're canked. Go ahead and RTB. Window won't be there." Eric instructed.

"Damn it." Jason yelled, before turning and looking at the boys. "Negative. Find another window." He said into the radio.

"Hey, we can do it another day." Ray said from the backseat.

"No! We're not waiting. We're doing this tonight. She goes down tonight." He growled. "Havoc, this is 1. We're not taking a loss on this. We need a new place to interdict."

"Hey, Bravo 1, she's about 120 meters ahead of you." Clay said into the radio.

"Bravo 1, this is Havoc. There is a vacant lot 500 meters ahead of you. If you can funnel her in there, you'll have a chance."

"Copy that. We'll take her there. Bravo 3, how copy?"

"Havoc, this is Bravo 3. I read you Lima Charlie. We're two minutes out."

"All stations be advised, I've got an MCPD cruiser patrolling towards the new snatch point. There's a chance that he makes us."

"Can't risk them seeing us."

"We got to distract those cops."

"Sonny could handle the distraction, but we need both the cars for the V. I."

"We got Clay."

"Not while he's in the air."

"You know what? So we call an audible. Right? We do a helo V. I."

"Helo V. I."

"Bravo 6, we maneuver Reyes into the lot, I want you and the pilot to do a V. I."

"Yeah, affirmative, Bravo 1. We can make that happen. The lot's coming up in 400 meters."

"Copy that. Bravo 3, once we engage, distract the police unit."

"Roger that. Bravo 6, stand by."

"Initiate. Three, two, one. Go, go, go, go." As the team wrangled Reyes into their car, one of Martinez's men taking her car they made it happen. Once Clay was in the air again he looked to see how Brock and Sonny were doing just a few blocks over. "Havoc, this is 1. We're passing Rick James. Say again, we're passing Rick James. We're RTB." Jason said into the coms with a smile, finally something was going their way.

* * *

"You know what, I'm not gonna lie, brother."

"Yeah?"

"There was a moment that I didn't think we were gonna pull it off."

"You know what? Maybe our luck's about to change." Jason smiled as they walked up the stairs to the roof, "So I'm a ask you a question: is it, is it unpatriotic of me to think that bad Mexican beer is better than bad American beer?"

"It's not unpatriotic if it's true."

"Take those two, I'll take these two."

"Two and two, let's do it." Ray said as he looked out over the sunset. "Oh, yeah, that's beautiful."

Both jerked around when Abril ran towards them yelling in spanish. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Shh. Okay, okay, relax."

"He's gone."

"What about Juan? What happened?"

"Juan! He went to go give himself over to Doza's men to save us." She cried and Jason took off with Ray tailing after him, jumping in front of the car making Jason slam on his breaks.

"Ray!" Jason yelled as he almost hit his friend who in turn slammed his fists on the hood of the truck.

"Hey! Jason, this is crazy. We cannot just roll into cartel territory."

"What are we gonna do, huh? They kill him I'm the one who made this mess. I got to clean it up. Get in. Come on!"

"Damn it." Ray relented and climbed in next to his best friend as they took off like a bat out of hell after Lopez.

As they raced down the street looking for the man Jason started to panic, what if they were too late. When he saw him he slammed the truck in park and jumped out running towards him. "Hey, Hey, hey."

Lopez fighting him with tears in his eyes yelled back, "No! I have to do this!"

"Come on, hey. Listen to me. Get over here. Get out of the street. Get in the car now."

"No."

"Get in the car. Shut up."

"No! My family's not safe."

"Get in the car. We're leaving. Get in the car, we're leaving. Listen to me. You're gonna be killed. You're gonna die. And this will hang over your family for the rest of your life."

"There's no rest of their lives if I don't do this."

"Looking at you, dead. Is that what you want? Huh? Is that what you want?"

"J, J, we got to go. We got to go. We got to get out of here. Lopez, get your ass in the car or I'm gonna shoot you myself." Ray urged.

"Get in the car. Listen. You got my word: we're gonna get Doza, we're gonna get your family back. But right now, we got to go. We got to get in that car, we got to go. Get in the car. Okay? Let's go. Get in the car." Jason yelled, pushing Lopez in as the bangers on the street started to stand, their attention now wholly focused on the three men arguing in the street.

"What the Hell are you thinking right now?" Ray asked once they were out of danger and headed back to the factory.

"I need to protect my family." Lopez said, tears streaming down his face.

"We will do this the right way." Ray said, "So you can be there for your family."

* * *

"You two go back, Bam Bam and I are going to run a couple errands then we will be back." Sonny told Brock and Trent after the two of them went to rescue Brock and Sonny.

"Jason is going to kill you." Trent shook his head as they took off in the truck back towards the factory.

"We won't be out too long." Sonny smiled, he knew there would be hell to pay but young Spencer was climbing the walls and he was liable to go off by himself if he didn't take him out himself.

"Doubt he will even notice." Clay mumbled.

"We are starting with dinner." Sonny said as he climbed into the driver seat.

Clay climbed in next to him and smiled, "What are we having?"

"Mexican food you idiot." He said as he drove to a street market they had passed several times in the touristy part of town. They parked a couple blocks away and walked towards a burrito shop, both ordering the same thing and a few beers, eating quickly before making their way to a bar a couple shops down. Between the beer and the tequila Sonny knew it would be easier to get the kid to talk.

"What do we got here?" Sonny smiled as he walked into another little street bar. "We're going to this place after."

"It's time to shine. It's time to shine." Clay smiled, ordering two shots.

"Let's go."

"I'm glad you finally decided to come out."

"Oh, man." Sonny said, taking a shot.

"All right."

"This is good."

"Well, you were getting so damn antsy, and you had that look you were gonna go out anyway, and I am not one to let anybody drink alone."

"That's awfully kind of you, Sonny."

"Oh, yeah."

"Two tequila shots."

"Yeah, look at that."

"Come on, don't you think?"

"And yes." Clay smiled, "Okay, buddy."

"Cheers, buddy." Sonny smiled as they tossed another shot back, "Send that down."

"Here we go. I'll meet you outside. He's getting the drinks."

"All right."

"See you."

"I don't have any more pesos left."

"See you. See you. See you."

"All right, two more, please." Sonny said, watching his brother walk out the door quickly swallowing back the other shot he walked out with. "I am 100% gonna puke up that bean burrito I ate earlier. 'Cause this ground is moving on me." He told him as he walked up to the younger man, "Here you go. So, uh, you gonna tell me what's up?"

"What do you mean? Nothing's up, man."

"That's a tall tale there, son. Come on. Something's off. Look at you. You're off."

"What, are we gonna sit here and talk about our feelings, Sonny, - or are we gonna drink? What is this? Just down the shot."

"You know, look, I-I just noticed that there are precisely zero photos of Stella in our hooch anymore. You haven't Skyped with her lately. And your face is droopier than a Redtick Hound on pot brownies since we got here. So what's going on?"

"You know, you're actually fairly perceptive for a little simpleminded Southern boy."

"Texas is not the South. And wagging your jaw like that pisses off Texans and Southerners."

"It won't happen again."

"All right. So what's going on?"

"Stella and I, uh, we broke up."

"I'm sorry, man."

"Thousand lifetimes I meet Stella, we work out in 999 of them. Not this one."

"It gets better."

"Piece of advice for you, brother."

"Mm-hmm?"

"Don't ever fall in love."

"Roger that." Sonny said, "You ready to go?"

"One more?" Clay asked, and Sonny nodded but didn't say anything. Once Clay was in the bar Sonny pulled out his phone and text Emma, 'Stella broke up with him?'

'He finally tell you?' Emma sent back not even thirty seconds later.

'How long ago?'

'Day you guys left.' She answered before trying to call. When Sonny silenced his phone he shook his head when Clay pulled out his, answering right away. As Sonny walked towards Clay he shook his head, "Whatcha doing Bam Bam?" Sonny asked, making Clay turn around and look at him.

He just shrugged, "How was the dance?" He asked into the phone, of course the kid knew when her school dance was. Hell, he was surprised that Jason didn't say anything about it...he had hardly talked about his kids though the entire time they had been in Mexico. Sonny once again paid the tab and led Clay out to the road. "Did you have fun?" He asked, "You going to send us pictures?" Seeing Sonny shaking his head and rolling his eyes Clay started walking, "Did Hannah have fun too?"

Finally Sonny took the phone, "Hey Emma." He said into the phone, smirking as Clay crossed his arms and scowled.

"Is he okay? I have hardly gotten him to say anything but he seems off. Are you guys drunk right now? Where are you? Dad said you were stuck in a factory but it sounds like..."

"We went out for dinner." Sonny answered, cutting her off. "We are doing okay here, could be better...and air conditioning would be nice."

"Sonny how is he for real?"

"It is muggy enough to start raining." He answered.

"Please give him a hug for me."

"I want to see those dance pictures too."

"I will send them to Dad tonight." Emma said, "Take care of them."

"Roger that." He said, hanging up the phone.

"Talking about the weather?" Clay asked, "You could have just told her I am climbing the walls and don't know what to do with myself...she already knows...which is why she called me after I am sure you text her that I finally told you."

"I asked you on the plane."

"And I told you about Ross and Rachel."

"I still don't know what that means."

"A break." Clay said, throwing his arms into the air. "She brought my fucking keys over to Emma the day we left."

"Come on Bam Bam lets head back to the truck and we can grab another drink on the way." Sonny said, putting his arm around Clay. "Who did Emma end up going to the dance with anyway?"

"Kid in ROTC whose Dad was on the teams." Clay shrugged.

"You meet him?"

"No but he is going to the Naval Academy."

"J meet him?"

"Adam has. Him and his buddy have been hanging around the girls as long as I have been around at least."

"They a thing?"

"What the hell is this twenty questions?" Clay asked. "Where did Sonny go? Mr Responsible here." Clay said spinning around and almost falling. "I need my road beer." He said walking off towards the last bar in sight of their truck.

* * *

"You know what?" Ray asked Jason.

"What?"

"I wouldn't be a good teammate or friend if I didn't say something."

"What's that, Ray? What do you want to say?"

"You're doing the shark thing. You haven't stopped moving, avoiding all the stuff that's going on inside you."

"Please, spare me the armchair analysis, will you?"

"You're looking after everybody but yourself. You got Emma, Mikey, Bravo, a-and now Lopez?"

"No, look, I helped Lopez 'cause it was the right thing to do."

"Okay?"

"That's why I helped him."

"No."

"No. That's why I did it, Ray."

"No, it's not. No."

"No, it's not? What is it?"

"You did it because you blame yourself for the position he's in. You do. And it's not your fault, J. It's just damn bad luck."

"Maybe."

"You're latching on."

"Latching onto what, Ray?"

"Any problem that needs fixing. An injustice that needs justice, a family that needs to be kept together because yours was torn apart."

"Is that what you think?"

"Yeah, that's what I think."

"That's what Ray Perry thinks. Well, I'll tell you what, Ray. You want to know what I think?"

"What?"

"Here's what I think. I think you should get off my back. That's what I think. Everybody should just get off my back. I am fine. Got it? Real simple. I'm gonna have those beers, if you're coming."

"You know what? The beers sound like a good idea. I'm coming.""Let's go get those beers on the roof, okay?" Jason asked Ray as they walked away from Abril and Lopez.

"Ain't got to ask me twice." Ray said as he followed Jason up the stairs.

Finding Brock and Trent up on the roof the two took their beers to the corner and watched as the two younger men got up to go down to bed. "Wish my kids would call me back." Jason finally mumbled.

"You try calling them again today?"

"Yeah. Mikey text back saying he was at hockey. Nothing from Emma." He said as he pulled out his phone. "Oh wait. She sent pictures." Jason said, eyes lighting up, "Dance must have been tonight." He said flashing the first photo to Ray.

"Sure looks a lot like her Mom."

"Acts like her too... Kid is in a damn uniform." He said holding out a photo of who appeared to be her date."

"Kids got his head on straight if he is doing ROTC."

"I don't want her to have this life."

"Don't think the choice is yours Brother."

* * *

"You are the worst wingman I was about to close. She was very nice." Clay slurred as Sonny dragged him through the halls up to their room.

"Yeah. Listen, driftwood starts to look that good after that many shots."

"Okay?"

"Hey, where you going? You're all turned what are you doing? Come here. Let's go. On the couch. On the there you go." Sonny said leading him to the couch as he fell over, eyes already closed but managing to not spill his beer. "Oh, man. Here we go. Feet up, head down. There is no choking on your puke, okay?"

"All right?"

"Nobody's burying you in Paris like Morrison."

"You're a dick. Morrison O. D. ed, you idiot."

"Go to sleep Blondie." Sonny said, shaking his head as he walked out of the room.

"Hey. Are you nuts?" Davis asked as Sonny emerged.

"Well, hello there, Miss Blind Side."

"Seriously? Come on, you're gonna take him outside the wire to go drinking?"

"Hey, look, a field trip wasn't necessarily the best idea, but, boy, oh, boy, did he need it. And I'll have you know, I did not do most of the drinking."

"Oh, yeah. Give me a break, Sonny."

"What? I wouldn't lie to friends."

"Wow. Okay, so what? This is responsible Sonny?"

"Yeah. That sounded wrong, doesn't it?" Sonny laughed.

"That's terrible."

"In that case, I'm gonna go get myself some beer and drink the night away. You're welcome to join me."

"Oh, no, I'm-I'm gonna go to bed."

"All right. Good night, Davis." Sonny said as he walked up towards the courtyard. He needed air.

"Good night." Lisa said, lingering until he was out of sight before walking into the room to check no Clay.

"Not puking. Mmm fine." Clay slurred, thinking it was Sonny walking into the room.

"You are clearly not fine and you better not puke." Lisa shook her head as she took the almost full beer bottle from his hand.

"Hey! I was drinking that."

"Think you've had enough."

"Not enough to forget." Clay said looking up at her.

"That what you are trying to do here?" She asked, sitting down next to his head on the couch and he quickly scooted so his head was in her lap. "Clay we can't forget people we love...we just have to be thankful for the time that we had their love in return."

"Mmma said the same thing." Clay said, closing his eyes, "Didn't help."

Lisa ran her fingers through his hair, "You have a pure heart...don't ever let that change." Lisa said, turning around to see Brock and Trent in the doorway, the two quickly going into their respective hooches.

"Why am I not enough for anyone?"

"For anyone?" Lisa asked, rubbing her thumb through his stubble.

"Stella. Ash." Clay yawned, "No one stays...something wrong with me?"

"There isn't anything wrong with you." She told him as she pushed him up so he was sitting with his head against her shoulder and she wrapped her arms around him from behind.

"Clay your Dad leaving...that wasn't about you...that was about him."

"Just want him to be proud of me."

"Did you know that I lost my family when I was young too? Not the same as you but not all that different."

"How? You are perfect."

"My Mom was out...drinking...hooking...I dunno...and there was a fire and...my two sisters...I could only get to one of them...they blamed me...my mom hated me...my sister hated me...I haven't talked to them since I joined the Navy." Lisa told him, saying it outloud for the first time.

"That wasn't your fault." Clay told her, "You are a really good sister."

"So if it isn't my fault how I grew up how is your relationship with Ash any different?"

"Just hurts." Clay shrugged as his head slid down on her shoulder, catching in her elbow.

"I know." Lisa whispered, "I know." As Clay fell asleep in her arms she leaned her head against his and allowed her tears to fall until she felt a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Why didn't you tell me about your family?" Sonny asked, quietly so he didn't wake up Clay, Brock or Trent.

"People don't usually talk about the worst parts of themselves." She mumbled back.

"My Buddy there was right, you are a good sister."

"Sonny..." Lisa started, "When you walked in on us talking the other day he was asking about Danny...how I was doing."

"Two of you talked a lot on our deployment with the long distance thing."

"We did."

"Why would he compare Danny to Stella?"

"Heartache is heartache...except Danny died...Stella chose to not love him anymore. Which is worse?"

"You want help to get him into his hammock?" Sonny asked. "If Martinez finds out you are hiding out in here..."

"Shut up Sonny." She said with a smile, he always knew what to say to break her from her funk...changing the subject not because he didn't want to talk about it but because he wanted to see her happy.

"Come on Goldie Locks, you are sleeping in your own bed tonight." Sonny said, pulling him up and leading him into his hooch, Lisa holding the hammock steady as he swung his legs up and wrapped the sides around him.

"You going to keep an eye on him, make sure he doesn't puke?"

"Why don't you tuck me in Sunny?" Trent called out, earning a snicker from Brock.

"Two of you tuck each other in every night, I don't need to." Sonny shot right back.

"Goodnight Boys." Lisa rolled her eyes. "Get some sleep would you."

"Night Davis." Sonny, Brock and Trent said in unison as she walked out.

As Sonny climbed into his hammock he quietly said, "So help me if anything she said gets talked about without her permission."

"Was between her and the Kid. We didn't hear anything." Brock said.

"Martinez knows y'all went out and my guess is that will make its way to the top."

"Jason and Ray say anything?"

"They weren't up there until right before we came down here. Heard whispers that Lopez went to hand himself over to the cartel."

"Should be an interesting morning." Sonny said, "Night Boys."


	23. Chapter 23

"How are your sons?" Jason asked Lopez as he walked through the courtyard.

"They're bored."

"Yeah." Who isn't bored...with no mission and stuck inside concrete walls of a factory.

"They miss their friends."

"Mm-hmm." Jason struggled to focus on the conversation, wanting nothing more than to be back home with his kids.

"They don't understand why they're here."

"Danger isn't real for them. It's our job to protect them. Isn't that right, Lopez?"

"You sound like a good father."

"Jury's still out on that one. I'm trying to be a good father. Day to day, right?"

"That's all you can do. Day to day."

"You know, what you did for me last night, coming after me, that took courage. I thought I was doing what was best for my family. I wasn't. Thank you."

"Getting Doza is what's best for your family right now. We do that, and we get your boys back to their friends, okay?"

"God willing. Nobody's gotten close to Doza yet."

"Let's hope snagging Carla Reyes leads us somewhere. 'Cause she's all we got right now. Right?" Jason asked before walking away, seeing Many he yelled, "You got anything yet?"

"Not yet, but we will." She said confidently.

"Getting tired of waiting on you." Jason snapped before walking back up to the roof to try and call his kids again, he knew he was being hard on her but he hated this mission. He needed purpose, a plan...or at least a real problem that they could solve and create a plan. He was bored.

* * *

"Hiyah! Wake up, Sleeping Beauty." Sonny said hitting Clay's legs earning only a groan. "Rise and shine."

"Nope."

"You see, I think I found a cure for this emotional pain that ails you." Sonny started, as he teasingly slapped Clay around in his hammock. He knew Clay would give him a hard time but Little Momma back home was adamant that he talk to Clay and shared the wonderful wisdom with him as to what precisely to say.

"What the hell are you talking about, man?" Clay asked, looking at Sonny like he had lost his mind.

"Oh, you fighting your way through the battlefield of despair. Look at that."

"What? A battlefield of despair? What are you talking about?"

"Right. See, you need a plan." Sonny said, sitting down on a crate next to Clay and handed him a water bottle.

"How 'bout I stop drinking bad tequila? Is that a good plan?"

"Not enough of one. You see, a plan is waging war and taking out the enemy. And tequila, my friend, is not your enemy. Heartbreak is. You understand?"

"Oh, all right, Sonny. You know what, I would honestly rather right now you wrapped your little skivvies around my face than hear what you're about to tell me."

"Okay. One might ask how you wage war against heartbreak. I will tell you. Step one: you need to minimize it in all forms. Which means you need to block Stella on all social media platforms. No late-night perusing of her pictures, and no checking on her updated relationship status."

"Is this seriously happening right now?" Clay asked, he had woken up when Ray and Jason came into the room to go to bed and had overheard them talking, he had woken up several other times with Sonny and Lisa checking on him, surprised that Lisa snuck into the room knowing the entire team was in there but she had never said a word, just ran her fingers through his hair and held her hand to his cheek until he nodded and then she would squeeze his shoulder and leave. It made him wonder how much she checked on all of them without them even realizing it.

"Uh-huh. Step two: you need to create a heartbreak-free environment. That means purging your living space of all gifts."

"Yeah uh"

"Anything associated with the person of your affection."

"Hold on a second. Did you just say "person of affection"?"

"Yes."

"Where did you, where did you get this?"

"Uh, well..."

"Sonny? Did you google how to get over a breakup?"

"No. Maybe. Okay, look, I got it from Cosmo." He said laughing, knowing that it was clear that he had talked to Emma.

"You boys having fun?" Ray asked, walking into Clay's hooch and interrupting their conversation.

"We're healing, Ray."

"What, from last night?"

"Yes."

"What the hell is it I hear about you two going outside the wire?"

"Who told you that?" Clay asked.

"The moron police. Are you two insane. You witness some dude get schwacked at a strip club, and you decide to hit the town?"

"Okay, look, Mr. Buzzkill, it was my idea to take the young buck out."

"No, come on, Sonny. It was my idea to go to the club." Even with how much he was hurting he was still going to protect Sonny over himself and it didn't go unnoticed by Ray.

"What do you think Jason would say if he found out?" Ray asked as Clay stood up.

"What could he say? Jason went outside the wire, too." Clay said and Ray quickly realized he was awake when the two came down from the roof.

"Yeah, to help Lopez. Him and his entire family has been marked for death."

"Ray, you know the White House sent us down here because Andres Doza murdered an American DEA agent? Graham Kowit. Remember him? Yeah, well, he's the reason we're here. Not the, uh, not the Lopez family."

"It is not your place to question number one, Spencer. Or me. Now, you go outside the wire again, I'll drop the hammer." Ray said, getting into his face.

"Drop the hammer Ray?" Sonny questioned as Ray turned around to walk out.

"Why don't you talk to Jason if you are so concerned. He talk to Emma? The winter formal was last night. Mikey's hockey games start next week...he know how nervous he is for it?" Clay listed.

"You are talking to his kids?" Ray asked surprised, though the more he thought about it the less surprising it was.

"They call me Ray...me...they should be calling Jason but they know he is already having a hard time and they don't want to add to it."

"She sent a photo to him lasts night." Ray acknowledged.

"Just her or her friends too?"

"A boy." Ray said before looking up at Clay and softening up, "Not often Davis comes in here when Jason is in here to check on you boys." Ray said.

"You talk to her?" Sonny asked.

"Don't need to." Ray said as he crossed his arms.

"I know if she has concern I have concern."

"For me or for the team?" Clay asked.

"One in the same. No more field trips." He said before walking out.

"Are we done here Sonny? I am going to shower." Clay mumbled.

"Clay..." Sonny called after him.

"I know." Clay smiled at his friend. He didn't need Sonny to tell him things would be okay or that he was there if he wanted to talk. Pretty sure talking to Emma about a Cosmo article summed up just how far Sonny Quinn would go for his brother.

* * *

"Every time Lazo comes to Mexico City, he calls her, for a woman." Mandy said as the guys discussed her next mission.

"How often is he in town?" Clay asked.

"Last trip was eight weeks ago." Mandy told them.

"So we just wait around till he gets horny." Sonny said as he spun a chair around, taking a seat front and center.

"No. This is what we do. We lure him to Mexico City." Jason said, finally a problem that he can solve.

"What's your proposal on that?" Ray challenged, questioning if Jason was truly ready to help coordinate and plan a mission.

"This guy's Doza's number two, right? What's the number two guy do? He takes care of all of the major problems. What do we do? Create a major problem. Hit one of his assets."

"This. This is a pottery factory. It's right outside the city. This is a front for Doza's biggest meth lab. We take it out." Martinez said as he pointed to a map.

"Perfect."

"Doza's a businessman. Right? I'm sure he's got losses built in to the whole system. So we just take out this one lab, it might not even elicit a response." Clay said, always skeptical...but to Jason that was one of his greatest strengths, pointing out their weaknesses so they can make themselves stronger.

"Unless the lab was taken out by a rival cartel." Jason smiled.

"Doza would never ignore that." Martinez said, impressed with Jason's quick thinking.

"Mm-hmm."

"You want to start our own cartel?" Ray asked.

"Damn straight."

"Los Badasses. That's got a nice ring to it, doesn't it?" Sonny laughed

"All right, so we hit the lab, right? We hope that Lazo takes the bait, comes back to town?" Clay smiled, finally some real action.

"We hit it hard, man. Let's go hunting, boys." Jason smiled.

"Yeah, we need to blend in for this op. Wear civilian clothes, cover our faces, minimal comms, ND vehicles and, most importantly, the attack itself needs to look like a cartel hit." Eric instructed.

"Rough and messy, right?" Jason asked.

"Rough and messy." Eric answered.

"We can do a simultaneous breach on two sides of the building. Clear towards the middle. Set charges, break out." Ray said pointing at an aerial photo of the building.

"How many hostiles you expect we're gonna encounter here?" Jason asked Lopez.

"Doza will have armed men there. Understand: many who work in the factory don't want to be there. They made bad choices, they're not bad people." Lopez said.

"All right, we're not out to hurt anybody, right? So we let them go, hope they spread the word back to Doza." Clay said, feeling like he was finally back in familiar territory.

"Rules of engagement?" Sonny asked.

"If they're armed, we engage." Eric answered and the guys quickly got their things ready and started the drive towards the factory as soon as the sunset.

* * *

The raid was quick and dirty and when they returned to the factory the team was all in good spirits, or at least better than they had been. Going up to where Sonny had set up the tv the team found a telenovela and had turned it into a drinking game. Clay was quiet but was in there with them. "Here it is right here. Uh!"

"Oh!" Everyone groaned in unison as the actor was slapped.

"Another slap, another drink."

"Ah, man, he is getting beat up."

"Hey, you guys mind turning this down a little bit? Some of us have better things to do than listen to this crap. Ain't that right, Spencer?" Ray said, walking in and sitting down with a book and seeing Clay sitting in the back not paying attention to the show.

"What are you talking about, Ray Perry? This is the best damn show on TV. Little Senorita right there, well, she could slap me any day of the week, 'cause she is half-crazy, half-fire. That is the perfect Sonny Quinn mix right there." Sonny smirked.

"Mm, I'm just a little surprised that her name doesn't end in a Y, Sonny." Lisa challenged.

"Meaning?"

"Uh, Tammy, Brandy, Tiffany, Charity. See a theme here?"

"Ha, ha, Well, let's talk about your track record there, Davis."

"Let's not. Let's not."

"Okay Todd."

"Okay."

"Then there was Keith."

"Stop."

"And then the winner, winner, chicken dinner: Dakota.

"Okay." Lisa said, raising her arms in defeat as Sonny laughed.

"Here it goes again. Here she comes."

"Oh!"

"Oh, he's got welts. Look at him. Look at him. He needs some ice."

Feeling Ray's eyes on him Clay walked out and went to lay down in his hammock, pulling out his phone. First trying Stella, then facetiming Emma, who as usual answered on the first ring. "Did Dad show you the picture?"

"No. Showed Ray though."

"Oh...uh...here." She said quickly texting it to him.

"You guys have fun?" He asked as he clicked his phone over to see the photo.

"I guess...I mean like most of the fun was getting ready then going to dinner and hanging out after but we do stuff all the time so it wasn't like anything special. Do you guys know when you come home yet?"

"Nah. Still in limbo."

"Did you and Sonny get in trouble for last night?"

"Ray's half assed attempt at a lecture fell short of Sonny's rendition of Cosmo's version of how to get over a breakup." Clay gave a small smiled.

"He actually read that to you?" Emma smiled.

"Read it? No... he recited it from memory."

"I really miss you guys being around." Emma said, her smile quickly fading, "And I am suppose to be applying to colleges and like with Mom gone now...is it bad if I still apply to the schools that I wanted to go to or should I just apply to the ones that are close?"

"You should apply to wherever you want and then once you get in you can decide where you actually want to go."

"I think Dad is going to sell the house to pay for my school."

"It's just a house Emm."

"I know but it was Mom's house and now she is gone and everything is changing and it totally sucks."

"It is changing but change doesn't always have to be a bad thing."

"I think Sonny has a crush on Davis." Emma blurted out, completely changing the subject.

"What? Why?"

"He just always talks about her is all...he said she...that last night she..."

"Held me." Clay said surprised that Sonny would have told her that but of all people she would be glad to hear it.

"I was gonna say she had a good chat with you...what do you mean she held you?"

"Yeah, uh...I...apparently bad tequila is not the way to uh...handle things." Clearly Sonny hadn't shared that much.

"Clay...is my Dad...is he doing okay?" Emma asked, wondering why Clay never mentioned him.

"Why don't you talk to him?"

"I've tried but when he freaking calls it is always when we are doing something and we can't actually talk or else I ask him something and he gets frustrated and we end up fighting I sent him our updated calendar since the one we gave him was only through the month but he clearly hasn't looked at it."

"His head isn't in it." Clay finally said, "But mine isn't either so I am probably not the best judge."

"Has he taken the time to talk to you...see if you were okay?"

"No."

"Then his head is definitely not in the game."

"We just want to go home." Clay shrugged, thinking about home for the first time since they had left...the home that had Stella written all over it...the home that would be empty when he got home.

"You want me to go over to your place and get it cleaned up for you?" Emma asked, she really did not want his first trip there post breakup to be to a smelly messy apartment with her stuff all over."

"You don't have to do that."

"Your fridge is bound to be gross...with Stella not there...do you care if I go?"

"You've got the key." He shrugged, he hadn't thought of that.

"I can also grab your mail."

"Uh yeah...okay." Clay said, thankful all of his bills were already set to autopay as the heaviness started to sink in.

"I will go grocery shopping for you when you are coming home." Emma said, trying to help, "I just...I know it is hard to readjust to being home from a mission and with Stella...I just want to help. Is that okay?"

"Yeah...I just..." Clay sighed, not having the words for what he was thinking...what he was feeling despite the fact that it showed through very clearly on his face and with his body language.

"You didn't think about that stuff before." Emma told him, hating that he was even having to think about any of that, "We will get through this as a family, promise me."

"I haven't had anyone actually care for a really long time. Then Stella..." Clay told her, feeling his anxiety rising.

"Promise me that you will find a way to get through this."

"Emma..." Clay said, his voice breaking. "I don't know how."

"Clay. Promise me you will find a way." She said, fighting the tears she knew would come as soon as they got off the phone.

"Love you. You know that, right?" Clay told her as he fought the tears in his eyes, she was the only one he knew had his back because she wanted to and not because they were obligated to. "I should go." He said, knowing that he wasn't going to do anything to intentionally harm himself.

"Dammit Clay! Promise me!" She yelled at him, scared for him that he was alone in a foreign country feeling so dark and so stuck.

"Promise." He said, as the tears he fought so hard to keep at bay finally spilled over.

"I love you too you idiot." Emma said before Clay had the chance to hang up. As soon as she told him she loved him he felt like his heart was torn in two and he quickly threw his arm over his face as he let his phone fall to the ground. He hadn't had anyone tell him they loved him where he knew, with zero doubt that they were telling the truth since his grandparents said goodbye to him before he left for training nearly a decade before.

If Clay would have looked up he would have seen Ray standing in the entryway to his hooch staring at him, having listened to most of the conversation, at least from the part about her talking about college applications. Instead of saying anything he just stood there until Clay relaxed into a restless sleep then he took the few steps into his own hooch pulling out his own phone to call his wife and kids.

* * *

"Hi, Em, it's Dad. I'm calling you again 'cause according to the schedule that we have, I was supposed to talk to you today. So just do me a favor, can you call me back and tell me that you're getting these messages. I'd like to hear from my kids, okay? I love you. Bye." Jason said into his phone, not knowing that right above him his daughter was talking to Clay.

"Hey. All good at home?" Lisa asked Jason as she paused in the hallway seeing him on the phone.

"Yeah, all is great at home, just, you know, the kids, they're MIA, Davis. I can't..."

"They're probably just out having fun."

"Well, if they're out having fun, it'd be nice if they would call to confirm that. Talk to me, leave me a voicemail. I've called, like, 19,000 times. They're not picking up. I don't know. Maybe I can get some sleep when they do."

"I think that every kid feels a certain responsibility to drive his parents crazy."

"Well, then I guess my kids are overachievers, Davis." He said as they walked down the corridor.

"Hey, how're you doing? How're you holding up?"

"How am I doing? How am I doing?" He repeated pacing back the other way before leaning against the wall. "I don't know how to answer that. I really don't. Good. Okay. I guess it depends on the time of day, right? Got to get Lazo here. I got to get him here. I got to lure this guy here 'cause I got to do something. Man, I'm..."

"I get it."

"Yeah?"

"Hey. What you did for Lopez, that was...it's good to give men hope."

"Hope. Not a lot of hope these days here. You've seen the stats, right? You read about them? 30,000 people were killed last year in this war in Mexico. That is 80 families a day torn apart."

"I know. I get it. It's hard to wrap your head around."

"Yeah." Jason said sighing, "Yeah, it is. But, hey, thank God for the tequila, right?"

"Jason...?" Lisa knew she was pushing her limits but she had to say something as they walked down the hall, "You know you can talk to me right?"

"I know you've been checking on us."

"That a bad thing?" Lisa asked him.

"No...just...I don't know if we can take a loss on this and make it through to the other side."

"So then we don't take a loss." Lisa said as she walked over, putting her hand on Jason's arm, "Also I am pretty sure Clay is talking to Emma right now."

"The Kid?" Jason asked and Lisa shrugged.

"He is upstairs and I doubt he is talking to Stella."

"Why wouldn't he be talking to Stella?"

"She broke up with him."

"Damn."

"My guess is he is homesick and he wanted to know how the dance went last night."

"How do you know when the dance was?"

"Your daughter has been checking in since we left."

"Really?"

"She is worried about you...and Clay...and her world has been flipped upside down. She doesn't have Alana now...Hannah's mom, Naima and..."

"And you." Jason said, "Thank you."

"Just...lets finish this mission and get home safe." Lisa smiled.

"Yeah. Safe." Jason mumbled, "Thanks Davis."

* * *

Hearing the squeal of Ray's mini me woke Clay up a short while later and instead of smiling that his friend was happy it made him angry. He wanted that life but he wasn't lucky, never had been, so he went up to the roof and started punching the bag like his life depended on in. He punched it until his hands bled and then punched some more.

Seeing Ray walk up to him as the sun set he backed off, "Bag's all yours." He said, not wanting to have an actual conversation and knowing that one was coming.

"I'm not here for that. I'm here to find out why you've been hitting that bag like you've been watching Rocky on a loop." Ray said, trying to get through to the kid.

"Nothing's wrong." Clay told him, trying to shut out everything in his head that was screaming at him.

"The hell it's not. Something is wrong. Clay Spenser I know doesn't question his leaders or disobey team rules. You're off. And I'm not going away till you tell me why." Ray said and Clay knew he meant it, he also had a feeling now that person he felt in his hooch when he was falling asleep was Ray and not Sonny or Davis like he had thought.

"It's, uh Stella. She left me."

"I'm sorry to hear that, brother. I thought everything was solid between you two." Ray asked, walking toward Clay and sitting down.

"Yeah, it was. Yeah, and then, uh, then it wasn't. Adam's death really hit her hard. Then me taking a round terrified her." He said as he sat down on the other side of the fire from Ray, "The thing is, I-I I thought that I could have it all. I did. Thought I could have the team, the family, you know, as long as I just, as long as I just tried, as long as I did it better than my old man, better than Jason. I was wrong, Ray. Reality is, it's a choice. It's one or the other."

"Me and Naima make it work."

"Yeah, well, you two are a miracle. Miracles don't happen for most people."

"Look, just because this isn't the life for Stella does not mean you cannot have them both. Just...maybe not with her."

"That's not what I want to hear." Clay said standing up.

Copying his movement Ray stood up in the younger mans face, "Clay. The pain is real. But you are off. And you got to get yourself squared away for the good of the team." Ray could see Clay closing off and hated that, he was the one person on the team who you could always see his heart and to have him try and separate from that hurt.

"You sure I'm the only one you should be giving this speech to? It seems to me the only one who's worried about the good of the team, Ray, is you. It's not Bravo 1."

"You really think you are the only one I have had this conversation with?" Ray asked him as he started to walk away.

"Seems that way." Clay stopped.

"I have been up here with Jason every damn night since we got here."

"Doesn't seem like he cares."

"Man just has a lot on his plate right now Brother."

"Yeah." Clay mumbled, hating that the selfishness in him was wanting Jason to be the one to talk to him, help him get through the breakup...be the father figure that he had started to become before Alana died...before everything changed.

"You know you can always come to any of us." Ray said reading his mind, "Jason isn't the only one who cares."

"Yeah. Yeah I know. Can I...are we done?" Sniffling as he ran his hand over his face.

"Sure Brother. You know where to find me." Ray said, watching Clay walk away and shaking his head.

* * *

"Four hours ago, Lazo called Carla to set up an escort for tonight."

"Okay. Who's the lucky lady?" Ray asked.

"Sofia Nunaz. She's an aspiring actress, one-time Mexicana Universal contestant. Sofia is meeting Lazo at a nightclub called La Social."

"So we gonna pick him up en route or wait till he gets to his shag pad?" Sonny asked Mandy.

"Picking him up's gonna do us no good. The minute that Lazo goes off the grid, Doza's gonna know something is up." Martinez told the teams.

"All right, so what's the plan?" Clay sighed

"After Lazo meets Sofia at the club, we track her cell to wherever he takes her."

"CISEN will then step in to establish surveillance on El Lazo going forward." Rita said.

"That's great and all, but a guy like Lazo isn't just gonna walk in the front door. So what we need to do is we need to verify he's inside with Sofia." Jason decided.

"You want to put eyes in the club?" Ray smirked, he knew that was coming before it came out of Jason's mouth.

"Mm-hmm."

"Not sure we're gonna blend in."

"Uh, well, La Social is a hot spot for Europeans and Americans."

"And the Cartel."

"Okay, so who's going in?"

"Couples attract less attention." Mandy smiled at Jason, she knew he would suggest getting eyes in and knew this could be her way to force him to talk to her.

"Meaning?" Jason snapped.

"Meaning you've got a date tonight. Should our cover be that we're celebrating an anniversary or on our honeymoon?"

"I'd say the honeymoon's over." Jason grumbled. "All right, let's get some rest. Gonna be a long night."

"A lot of moving pieces in this one, brother. Never thought I'd miss the simplicity of kicking down doors."

"What, a low-vis op, bunch of Cartel killers in a club. What can go wrong? Besides that. La Social is the most popular club in the city with two levels and an estimated nightly attendance of about 2,000 people. Between service doors and VIP entrances, the club has more than a dozen entry and exit points. We're gonna need low-vis vehicles watching from every side of this building."

"La Social is Cartel-friendly. That means that Lazo's men will be strapped." Rita told Bravo Team.

"But the metal detectors means Mandy and Jason won't be."

"No armor, no comms either."

"That's risky."

"Reyes instructed Sofia to arrive at 10:30. The club is at its busiest between 10:00 and 2:00. It's gonna be difficult to keep track of El Lazo in that crowd."

"All we need to do is confirm that Sofia leaves with him. Then we can track her phone to his next location." Eric said, wishing it was that simple.

"You thinking a follow op? Two cars, one front, one behind?"

"Given the nature of this city its narrow streets, sharp turns, and heavy traffic I suggest you follow from a distance." Davis piped in.

"Standard CTR." Jason said.

"Agreed." Eric said.

"I'm assuming ISR's still out?"

"Drone use over the city would require approval from multiple government agencies. We might as well tell Doza that we're tailing his boy."

"Not a lot of options." Eric said.

"Well, if we want Doza, we go with what we got." Jason said. "Now if I need to go out I am done here. Sonny, Clay handle it." Jason said before walking out.

"You sure he is up for this?" Clay asked once he was out of the room.

"You really questioning Jason?" Eric asked.

When Clay just shrugged Sonny looked up, "He knows how to do his job. Regardless of what is going on. He's ready Blackburn."

"Ray?"

"Bravo is good."

"Okay then. Do what you need to do." He said before walking out, hoping to find Jason to talk to him himself.

"What the fuck was that about?" Sonny growled at Clay.

"Everyone is thinking it. I am just the only one saying it."

"Only one dumb enough to say it." Sonny said, slapping Clay on the back of the head. "Get your shit together."

* * *

"Finally you pick up." Jason said when Emma answered on the first ring this time around.

"Sorry I was on facetime earlier." She shrugged.

"You been crying?" He asked, her voice sounding scratching.

"I am fine Dad."

"Not what I asked Emma."

"You know what. I was crying. I have been crying pretty much non-stop since you guys left and I don't know if it is PMS or missing Mom or missing you guys or worrying or what but I am freaking out. I am suppose to be applying for schools and hanging out with friends and having fun but now I don't know what ones to apply to because now someone has to be here to take care of Mikey and now that you are back on Bravo you aren't going to be here to do it and Grandma Linda is great but she has her own life too and can't just give it up. And Clay...Daddy he is hurting but trying to be strong but...but Dad, it is Clay and I know that Sonny and Davis have been watching out for him...especially last night but I just want you guys home so that I can see with my own eyes and feel that you are okay and when you aren't I can help try and fix it."

"Emma it is not your job to fix any of us, or raise your brother." Jason said, his fist squeezed tight against the wall as he tried to hold it together.

"I am sorry for dumping all of that on you I just..."

"I love you. You know that right?" Jason interrupted her.

"Yeah. I love you too."

"Did you have fun at the dance last night?"

"I guess. It was weird not having you or Mom or Adam there when we were doing pictures and getting ready though. Everything is just different and I don't know if things aren't as fun because I miss everyone or if I am just over it all."

"I am having a hard time too." Jason told her.

"I know." She said sniffling, "I have been checking in with..."

"Davis, Naima, Sonny, Clay...am I missing anyone?"

Emma laughed, "How long until you can come home?"

"Going out in a couple hours again. Hopefully soon."

"Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"Just be safe...okay?"

* * *

"Damn, look at that." Sonny said as they pulled up to the club.

"We definitely drew the short straw."

"Mm-mm. No way in hell. That music inside is like a sick calf bawling for mama. Bravo 2, this is Bravo 3. How's it look on your side?"

"We've got multiple fighting-age males entering the club. All armed. They're likely getting ready for Lazo's arrival. Jason and Mandy are in the lion's den now." He said into coms. Relying on Jason and Mandy and their cell phones for communication inside. This opp was sketchy at best and too dangerous to think about.

"You think they are going to actually talk while they are in there?" Clay asked Sonny.

"None of our business blondezilla. Just keep an eye."

"This feels kinda like a setup to me."

"You? The one who keeps giving me shit for having a bad feeling...now you are the one with feelings?" Sonny smirked, trying to lighten the mood but he felt it too. Something was off.

"You can be a dick."

"And you still have a lot to learn."

* * *

"Lazo's date's arrived." Mandy pointed out to Jason who sent a quick text to Ray.

"I don't understand places like this. If you ask me, it's loud noise, it's crowded, there's $1000 bottles of Ukrainian vodka. Not the spot I would take you on our first date. You seem more like a, uh, dive bar and tequila gal."

"That means I dragged you here?"

"Hmm."

"We're a couple for ten minutes, we're already a cliche, Jeff." Mandy told Jason before leaning into him, "I shouldn't have doubted you. I don't want to be at each other's throats forever. I want to put it to bed. Bury it."

"Want to bury it? Yeah, you're pretty good at burying things. Burying people, too."

"Was going to Harrington that wrong?"

"Like I said before, if you had any doubts, you should have come to me."

"It wasn't entirely about doubts. Maybe I was thinking that pulling you down here so soon after losing Alana wasn't the best thing for you and your kids. Maybe I was thinking about you, Jason."

"Well, you put it that way, makes it a lot easier to swallow. Then again, you make a living telling people what they want to hear. I don't believe you." Jason said, he did believe her, he just was still angry. "Lazo's here. Come on." He said after shooting a text to Ray again.

As they circled the club finding another place to sit where they could keep an eye on Lazo Jason finally asked, "Is he gonna chat all night or is he gonna close the deal?"

"Terrorizing a country is a stressful job. Even psychopaths need someone to talk to." Mandy snapped.

"Hey, he's taking a call." Jason said jumping up to follow Lazo and losing sight of their girl in the process. "Damn it." By the time he circled back to Mandy they had eyes on neither of them and he quickly called Ray, "Do you have a lock on Cinderella's cell? We lost her."

"Yeah, boss, she's still in the club. Northwest corner of the building."

"Copy."

"Check to see if she's in the bathroom. We lose her, we lose our track on Lazo. We lose Lazo, we lose Doza." Jason said, snapping at Mandy.

"What is it, boss?" Ray answered when Jason called.

"Got eyes on our HVT?"

"Negative. Watching all doors."

"Thinking he left without our Cinderella." He said before ducking out one of the side doors, leaving Mandy with Rita and running around the corner just in time to see Lazo jump into a waiting car. "Silver Mercedes, heading east." Jason panted as he ran towards Ray's vehicle.

"He's leaving his date?"

"Yup. To meet Doza. Drive."

"All elements, this is Bravo 2. We are following the HVT. Headed northbound on Paseo de la Reforma." Ray updated the team. "J, following Lazo without the girl's cell to track? There's too many unknowns. We don't know why he left his date or how many eyes are on him. Sitting on his bumper is not the smartest play."

"It's our only one, Ray. Sit on the bumper, Trent." Jason ordered.

"Bravo 2, this is Havoc. Is Cinderella with the HVT?" Eric asked over coms.

"Negative, Havoc. He's alone."

"All right, good copy, Bravo 2. Maintain your distance, keep your heads down."

"Roger that." Ray said.

"What?" Jason yelled into the phone when Mandy called him.

"Nobody's answering at Carla's. We're on our way to her apartment now." She told him.

"All right. Keep me posted." He said feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders.

"Jason, I have a bad feeling. I think we could be burned. Nothing about this feels right." Mandy said, sounding scared.

"We don't know that; keep me posted." Jason said before hanging up. "Hey. Where are we?"

"Ixtapaluca, it's the biggest slum in the city."

"Any idea why Lazo would be meeting Doza in a place like this?" Ray asked.

Martinez turned to look at Ray, "Yeah, Doza's smart. He would never set up a meeting at the Four Seasons. No one would ever think to look here."

Through coms from the other car Sonny called out, "Bravo 3 to Bravo 1. We're passing outside our 20 minute perimeter of our QRF. Is there any reason we don't wave this off?"

"Bravo 3, this is 1. Got you loud and clear. Charlie Mike." Jason said as they continued to drive further into the slum. "Bravo 3, this is 1. They split right, down two side streets. That's not good." Jason said, knowing they were in a trap.

"Havoc to all Bravo stations, we have vehicles rapidly approaching our position."

"We're pinned down from all sides." Sonny yelled into the radio.

"Havoc Base, this is Bravo 6. We have troops in contact." Clay yelled into the radio as he saw the first set of bullets start to fly.

"Copy, Bravo 6. Bravo 1, QRF is inbound."

"Go through them." Jason yelled to Trent as several cars started to surround them. As the team turned around they saw the flash of an RPG headed their way and Clay, Sonny and Brock dove from their van. Jason, Trent and Ray jumped from their van and Jason ran towards where he saw Sonny on the ground and pulled him to cover.

As Bravo Team and Martinez fought off Doza's men they struggled to find shelter, the entire town was run by the cartel so there was truly no safe place. As the team ran into the church carrying Lazo who was bleeding out the team was in utter chaos.

Jason knew the team had been betrayed, led into a trap. Ray knew that Jason was pissed and questioned the leak. Sonny, for the first time in knowing Jason questioned the leadership of his team. Clay was pissed, knowing that they had been betrayed, knowing that Jason was being reckless, knowing that they may not actually make it home, he was questioning anything and everything anyone said. Above all Blackburn and Davis knew that someone on the inside was behind the leak and decided to split up and Eric joined QRF to go and ensure that his boys made it home.

Knowing the only way to put an end to their disaster of a mission was to find Doza and Jason was desperate to do anything and everything to get information. Even putting Ray's faith on the line, refusing Lazo of his last rights after Martinez died unless he gave up Doza. Not to mention the guilt they felt from questioning Martinez to begin with when he had been nothing but loyal to capturing Doza.

Thinking back to Clay calling him out, saying that Martinez shouldn't have taken a bullet in the first place and questioning his motives with their mission. "No, it's driving me." Jason had told him. Did that drive take priority over the team? he had asked. "Never. Never." Was all Jason could think to say. The team was his family. "This one's different. Not personal. This guy Doza, he's pure evil. Rips families apart, tortures them, viciously kills them just because he can. That's what drives me. Failure's not an option. Every decision I've made has always been about mission success and what's best for the team. That's it. Don't ever doubt that. Never. Got it?" He had said, loud enough for the entire team to hear. He knew some of the doubt in his leadership was deserved...they had been betrayed after all, but it hurt to know that they questioned his loyalty to them.

As the team took their positions for their last stand Jason refused to allow the Father to do last rights on Lazo. Jason urged Ray to treat Lazo as he would knowing that Ray was the only one who would follow him into the dark. Between shooting Doza's men Ray begged Lazo to confess where Doza was so that he could allow the Father to perform last rights, Lazo finally giving in with his last breath but too late to receive his last rights. "All stations, this is Bravo 2. Be advised, I did a battlefield interrogation and have been told to check out the warehouse at the end of the Candela Line." Ray said over the radio between hails of gunfire.

Jason breathing for the first time since the ambush despite the fact that they were screwed if QRF did not arrive soon. "Havoc, this is 1. We're gonna get shot out of here." Jason said as they were blowing through the last of their ammunition still with no sign of QRF.

"Stand by, Bravo 1." Davis said into comms seeing Eric and the rest of the QRF coming up on the backside of Doza's gang.

Bravo hearing the familiar sounds of their gunfire and not having bullets flying in their direction they knew backup had finally arrived. "Bravo 1, this is Havoc Actual. You want to let me in?" Eric said through the door.

"Password." Jason said with a smile.

"Rosebud's the password." Eric said and they quickly unbarricaded the door. "Lazo?" He asked walking into the bullet riddled church.

"He's dead." As Eric looked over to find Martinez's dead body he looked to Jason shocked, "He sacrificed his life for his country."

"He was a hero." Lopez said, seeing his friend and team leader on the ground.

As soon as they were in the vehicles heading back to the factory Jason turned to Eric and asked, "Where is Mandy?"

"She didn't do this." Eric glared at him.

"I know she didn't do this. Where is she? She was heading to Carla's and thought we had been set up and I haven't heard from her since."

"Team is on their way to Reyes's apartment. Waiting to hear now." Eric told him.

* * *

"Hey." Jason said when he found Mandy.

"If you've come to point out the fact that I was riding you for not having your head in the game while I was sitting next to a turncoat, please don't." Mandy said.

"Look I'm really sorry about Rita, all right? No one saw that betrayal coming." He needed her to know he wasn't mad.

"Led us right into an ambush. I used to think that some people were incorruptible, but everyone's corruptible. Everyone has their breaking point."

"Not Martinez. He's a hero." Jason said, ready to break. "I got to gear up." He said quickly before Mandy had a chance to say anything.

"Jason. What I said in the club, I wasn't just trying to tell you what you wanted to hear. It was the truth."

"Yeah, I know."

"Are we good?"

"Yeah, we're good." When Mandy nodded, "It's time to end this, time to get Doza." Jason said before walking back down.

* * *

When the office building came up dry Jason called into the radio, "Havoc, this is 1. Passing San Juan. Target's not here. Found Doza's safe room. It's a dry hole."

"That's good copy, 1. We know. If there's a TV there, turn it on." Eric said back to him and Ray quickly turned on the television to see Andres Doza's face fill up the screen.

"You know what this is, right?" Sonny asked.

"Yeah, I know what this is. This is Doza's escape plan." Jason grumbled before kicking a chair across the room. The team drove back to the factory in silence, pissed and defeated and were led straight into the skif.

"Doza's lawyers released these shortly after his arrest. It's creating a public uproar."

"Look at those angles. Doza had men there taking pictures."

"American Special Forces engaging in combat on the streets of Mexico? It's not something the CIA or the Mexican SEDENA wants public."

"So say it. What does this mean?" Jason asked.

"What does this mean? It means we're done. Bravo Team has been ordered to leave the country within 24 hours."

"I thought we had a chance this time. I could see an end to the plague of this man. I should have known Doza would slip away. That's how it always ends." Lopez said defeated.

"The Mexican government sent us down here to get a job done."

"Yeah, well, the president, the president of this country, has ordered us out."

"Okay, so what-what are we gonna do? We just let this guy Doza run his cartel through some farce arrest? Or, better yet, continue to go after this guy and his family? Oh, and not to mention let them get away with murdering an American DEA agent? Is that what you're saying, Blackburn?" Jason growled, on a roll. They needed the win. "No. We finish this."

"What do you want to do, Jason? You want to go after Doza alone? No military assets, no recon, in his home country. He controls the police. He controls everything here."

"Yeah, I do. That's what I want to do. I want to..." Jason argued.

"No, it's not happening." Eric crossed his arms.

"Look, Mexican government knows where Doza is now, right? So why don't they just go in there and drop the hammer on him?" Clay asked.

"The Chiapas region is a political powder keg. Capital fears intervention with federal troops will cause civic unrest." Lopez told them.

"Doza cut our legs out from under us knowing that his government wouldn't come after him. Very clever." Davis added.

"Guys, the minute that we leave Mexican airspace, this guy, Doza, he's just gonna be right out of jail and he's gonna be terrorizing this country." Jason said.

"And Martinez died for nothing." Sonny shook his head.

"So that's it? There's nothing left we can do?" Clay asked.

"You know, there is. We got 24 hours." Jason said, putting together a plan in his mind already.

"Meaning?"

"Meaning, this guy Doza, he's a threat to the Mexican government. They want him just as bad as we do. If there's deniability, that's gonna give us another shot to go after him."

"That's not a bad idea. If SEDENA's fingerprints aren't on this, maybe I can persuade them."

"Good." Jason said before turning to his guys, "Okay, listen. Feels like we've been on three ops and had no sleep...So let's get some rest."

"Yeah, if you're hoping for a Hail Mary for the win, you've already lost. C-17's en route. Let's get to packing." Eric interrupted.

"Going home?" Clay asked, "With our tail between our legs? That is crap Blackburn and you know it."

"You are all tired. Pack and get some rest." Eric said, ignoring Clay's blatant disregard for rank.

"Get some rest Boys." Jason said, crossing his arms as his team slowly walked out of the room.

"Mandy do you really think you can get the green light?" Eric asked her once it was just the three of them in the room.

"I will see what I can do. If I get the greenlight will Bravo be good to go?"

"We need this Mandy." Jason said.

"You have a ticket home."

"We need the win." Jason said.

"See what you can do." Eric told Mandy before turning to Jason, "Do not make me regret this."

* * *

"Oh, wow. I thought I told everyone to get some sleep. What are you still doing up?" Jason asked, finding Clay very much still awake.

"Yeah, you know, a little sleep has been hard to come by."

"Yeah. That seems to be the thing going around these days."

"No sleep, huh? Hey, I, uh, I shouldn't be questioning your judgment in the field."

"Forget it, man. You know what? You're frustrated. That's all. Besides, you almost got mudsucked, you know? And that'll do that to people, trust me."

"We'll try and keep that for the AAR next time. Not when we're, uh, stuck in a church, you know? Bullets about to fly. Yeah, I've just, been a little on edge recently, you know?"

"Stella."

"Yeah. They told you, huh?"

"Yeah. Sucks, man. I've been there."

"Eh, it's nothing compared to what you're going through, though, man."

"Look, Clay, you just...come on, man...look, all we can do is we just learn from our losses, not let them defeat us. Alana for me, Stella for you. All we can do is be grateful that they were in our lives. Come on, Clay. Good?"

"Let's go."

"You got it."

"Yeah...no. Not hugging, buddy." Jason said, knowing if he went there he would be in Dad mode and they had one more mission in the works.

"Jason?" Mandy asked, walking in on Jason and Clay's conversation.

"Not hugging." Jason said, squeezing Clay's shoulder as he turned around to see Mandy. "Yeah?" Seeing her face he knew she had managed to get the green light. So much for sleep.

* * *

Planning the raid on Doza's mansion seemed like they were the old Bravo Team again, Clay and Jason finishing each others sentences, all teasing Sonny with his phobias. The team quickly packed up their hooches as Davis prepared everything for their opp. As soon as they were done with this mission they were headed home.

Their six hour hike quickly detoured to seven, hitting the mansion as the sun was setting. They quickly took the house and found him hiding in his bedroom. What they weren't planning on however was the Chiapas police shooting down their helo and surrounding the house. Now they were the bad guys.

When Eric ordered weapons down the team did so grudgingly, what Jason had not counted on was Lopez taking out Doza on his own. When the Chiapas Police officer came in Jason gave him two options for the outcome. Thankfully Jason got his way and Lopez was allowed to leave as a free man and they were allowed to leave under their own free will to head back to the United States given the time to properly say their goodbyes to Lopez and the other marines that they had been working with throughout their mission...the men who will continue to fight to stop the cartels.


	24. Chapter 24

Mentally and physically exhausted and with extremely mixed feelings leaving Lopez to continue to fight the cartels alone the team boarded the C-17. Clay pulling out his phone and letting Emma know they were on their way home. It wasn't often that they could give an exact time that they would be home but when they climb in the plane and take off immediately Clay only had time to inform and not to talk.

"Mr. Spencer." Sonny called as he walked over to Clay who was clearly lost in his own mind.

"Hmm?" Clay asked, staring at the wall and not paying attention to anything around him.

"Nice cold beer for you, Buddy."

"Thanks, Bud." Clay said as he sat up just a little bit straighter.

"Yep. So, I'll bet, uh, returning home without Stella there doesn't make you quite as eager for shore duty, huh?"

"Yeah, after sharing a hooch with you and your little night terrors, I'm actually looking forward to getting a place of my own." Clay tried to joke.

"Right. Yeah. I'd rather be surrounded by a dozen Jihad Jerrys when I'm Winchester than heading home to an empty apartment and that is why we're going from base to the bar, painting the town red. Body glitter, honeys, whiskey and wine, that's the good life right there." Sonny said, he didn't want to be home alone either.

"I appreciate you looking out for me, brother, I do." Clay gave a small smile.

"Yeah." Sonny said, knowing Clay was going to shoot him down.

"I'm all good." He lied again.

"All right. Whatever you say there, Blondzilla." Sonny said, walking away from Clay, knowing full well he was full of shit but also well aware that Emma was going to check in on him even if he didn't.

"You are a good friend, Sonny." Davis smiled at him when he walked away from Clay.

"Easy there, Davis. Don't you get all feely on me." He smiled as he walked up to the front of the plane to find a place to lay down.

* * *

"You did good work, Mandy. You did really good." Jason told her as he walked up to her on the plane when he saw her going over the AAR's.

"I failed with Rita."

"Hmm? No, no. No, you didn't. You didn't fail with Rita. Okay? Rita failed herself."

"I built the Doza target package, piece by piece. I should have seen it coming. I should be better than that. And if I stopped the ambush, Martinez would be alive."

"It's over. Game's over. Doza's dead. Don't beat yourself up."

"Victory came at a steep price." She said, not sure how to read Jason.

"Always comes at a steep price. You know that. I know that. We also know that this was supposed to be impossible. Look what you were working with. You had a shred of intel, right? You had a traitor constantly looking over your shoulder. You had a corrupt government that was in bed with Doza, and yet you still managed to get to Doza's den. And he's the one who ended up horizontal." He told her.

"It was worth it, right?"

"Yeah. We saved lives, and Martinez, he..he's at peace. Died a hero. No regrets."

"No regrets."

"None." Jason said hating that she was taking this as hard as she was. "You know what we do, there's always a cost, Mandy. Just want you to know you don't have to hurt alone. Tell you what, I'm not a big hugger, but I'll make an exception this time." He smiled at her, pulling her into him. "Come on, give me a hug. Get over here. Come on. There it is." Jason leaned his head against hers and mumbled into her ear, "You did good. Really good."

As he ran his thumb over her shoulder she buried her face into his and he held her as she cried, "You could have died." She said, barely above a whisper.

"We are all fine. You hear me? You did good." He reassured her. Pulling back with a small nod she looked up at Jason and he started stacking the papers back into the folder, "Come sit down."

"Sit down?" She asked when he sat down on the straps.

"Sit down." He smiled, patting the spot right next to him despite the entire section of the plane being empty.

"Okay." She smiled, sitting down next to him and putting her head on his shoulder.

* * *

"How'd it go?" Emma asked Mikey as he walked out of hockey practice.

"It went good. I'm getting a lot better. Why are you driving Dad's truck?" He asked.

"Cause Dad's out of town. Dad'll be psyched. First game's coming up."

"Oh, my gosh, I know. I cannot wait. It's gonna be so fun." He said as she put his gear into the bed of the truck.

Once the kids were in the truck Jason jumped up from the back seat yelling, "Taco time! Taco time!" and laughing as they both screamed.

"Oh, my!" Mikey yelled scared.

"What? You jerk!" Emma yelled, "What are you doing here? How did you know we were here?"

"Like I said, I have drones in the sky over you at all times." Jason smiled.

"Oh."

"I told you that, right?"

"Ha Ha!" Jason rolled his eyes as Emma feighed laughter.

"Wait, whoa, whoa, wait a second. I'm sorry why are you driving my truck?"

"That's what I said."

"Because you're supposed to be out of town. Did you really have to scare the living hell out of us?"

"I loved it. The look on your faces was priceless. I'll always remember that." Jason smiled, "Taco time!" They all laughed, "Stop! Wait. Time out." He shook his head.

"What?"

"What are you? Get out of the car. I'm driving. Let's go." He couldn't stop smiling, seeing their smiles he felt truly happy.

"Where is Clay?" Emma asked as they pulled out of the parking lot.

"Went home. Said he wanted to sleep." Jason said.

"We should bring him tacos." Emma smiled.

"He said you were going to get his apartment ready for him, you really think he needs tacos?" Jason asked her.

"We should have him come over and watch a movie." Mikey smiled from the backseat.

"You too?" Jason asked with a smile.

"Come on Dad."

"You want to tell him or just show up with food?" Jason asked his daughter.

"Just show up." Mikey answered. "A surprise."

"Yeah?" Jason asked, not sure where the kids head was at and wondering if that really was a good idea.

"Don't give him a chance to say no." Emma said with a sad smile and Jason nodded.

* * *

"Yo. Where's Clay?" Davis asked as she walked into the bar to find Sonny drinking alone.

"Whoa." He said, surprised that she was at the bar.

"Thought you guys were gonna paint the town."

"Uh, yeah, my little buddy bailed. Said something about sleep."

"Aw. Well, that means staring at the ceiling, thinking about Stella."

"Yeah, I feel for him." Sonny said, not wanting to be alone anymore than Clay did.

"How's he doing?"

"Uh, como ceviche, uh, "lower than a gopher hole"?" Sonny answered, leaning back he spinning a chair around, "There. Pull up a chair there, Norm." Sonny drawled.

"Hmm." Lisa smiled.

"Don't make me drink alone." Sonny smiled at her as she walked over. "Hey, Tommy, can I get two shots of whiskey? The cheap kind. I didn't bring any cash." He said to the bartender. "You got cash?" He asked Davis.

"Mm-hmm." She rolled her eyes, she had a feeling it was going to be one of those nights. Sonny never did do well with shore duty.

"The expensive kind." Sonny yelled to Tommy and he brought over a bottle of Makers with two glasses before leaving them alone.

"Had a feeling I might find you here."

"You checkin' in on me Davis?"

"Maybe you weren't the only one who didn't want to be alone tonight." She smiled.

* * *

Walking into his apartment Clay felt like the wind was sucked out of his chest. The apartment looked different. It felt different. Emma had clearly been there, the only thing of Stella's that was still out was a photo on the shelf under the window. He saw a box of her things tucked next to the couch and sat down pulling out his phone to text her. Even as he typed out a message it felt wrong. She had left him, basically ignored him their entire deployment and he still wanted to see her.

As he dropped his phone down, knowing that a text would just result in disappointment he got a text from Sonny, 'Davis and I are at the bar if you want to come down.'

'Told you I'm good. Just want to sleep.' He sent back before setting his phone down and walking into the bedroom and sitting down on the bed. Dropping back and laying his arm over his eyes.

"I will run in there and get him. He can come home with us tonight." Emma said as soon as they pulled into the parking lot of the apartment complex that Clay lived in.

"Emma I can..." Jason started, knowing that his argument was going on deaf ears since she was already halfway to the stairs.

Walking to the door she didn't bother to knock, she just tried the knob and let herself in. Looking in she saw him leaned back on the bed with his arm over his face and she walked in and sat down next to him, putting her hand on his shoulder. "What are you doing here." He mumbled, without moving his arm. He knew there was only one person who would just let herself in.

"Come on. You are going home with us. Tacos are getting cold." Emma smiled.

"What are you talking about?" He said, moving his arm and looking at her for the first time.

"Dad and Mikey are in the truck. Let's go." She said, seeing the tear tracks on his face and putting her hand over his, "You are going." Looking at her he just nodded and stood up. "I already have a bag with your stuff at the house." She said when he started walking towards the dresser and he turned back around and he pulled her into a hug, "Come one, tacos are going to get cold." She smiled as she took his hand and pulled him towards the door.

He climbed into the front seat as she climbed in behind him, Mikey instantly rambling about how hockey was going and only slowing down to ask what movie they were going to watch, Clay mumbling that he didn't care and Jason and Mikey both looked at Emma and said, "Which Harry Potter are we watching this time?"

* * *

"I am going to the cemetery." Jason told Emma after he had brought Mikey up to bed, "Think you can get him to sleep in a bed?"

"Which one?" She asked, rolling her eyes at her Dad as she leaned into Clay's side, his head resting on top of hers.

"Make him talk. Get his head back where it needs to be. He listens to you."

"His head needs to...Dad...Clay isn't the only one struggling...I see how you are looking around the house...how you look at me and Mikey..."

"You are just like her...you know that?" Jason smiled sadly at her, "Your smile, your laugh...how you are sitting right now...that is how she always sat with me."

"Daddy?" Emma said, "It is okay to miss her."

"I am fine." He told her, "Take care of him."

"I want to take care of you both." Emma told her Dad.

"Not your job to take care of me."

"Didn't say it was my job." Emma told him.

"Your attitude is definitely from your Mother." Jason shook his head. "I am going to the cemetery." He said before turning on his heels and walking towards the front door.

"I love you." Emma called after him.

"Love you too." Jason told her as he walked out the door.

When Emma sat up Clay's eyes shot open and she turned to face him, "He wants you to sleep in a bed."

"I am fine here."

"Don't be dumb."

"Where did he go?"

"Cemetery."

"He okay?"

"No." Emma told him, "But he wants me to take care of you and wants you to sleep in a bed so let's go. Your bag is up in my room anyway. Take a shower and then come into my room. I am going to call Mandy and have her take care of him."

"Don't need taking care of." Clay mumbled as he stood up.

"Bag is at the foot of my bed." She said ignoring him as she pulled out her phone.

"I will be up there in a couple minutes." Emma smiled at him.

"I am fine." He told her, wanting it to be the truth.

"I know." She told him, "But maybe I'm not." Clay nodded and went up the stairs and she let out a shaky breath before dialing Mandy's number.

"Hello?" Mandy answered.

"My dad is going to the cemetery...can you meet him there and...I don't know...get him to talk or hug him or something?"

"Emma?"

"Yeah."

"Leaving now."

"Thanks." She said before hanging up the phone and going around the house turning off the television and the lights in the kitchen and living room, only leaving on the hallway light in case her Dad came home. When she heard the shower turn on she made her way up to her bedroom, quickly changing into pajamas and laying down in bed with the tv turned onto reruns of friends.

When Clay walked back in he had on his gym shorts and no shirt on as he dropped his clothes in a pile at the end of her bed. "She going to get him?"

"She is going there. Doubt he will come home tonight...you saw how hard it is for him to be here."

"You hear from anyone else?"

"No." Emma answered as Clay climbed into the bed next to her. "You talk to Stella at all?"

"Mmmm mmmm." He mumbled as he laid his head down on the pillow.

"I forgot how funny this episode is." Emma smiled, directing Clay's attention to the tv set.

Clay rolled so that his head was leaning next to her shoulder, their arms touching, "You were the only one who checked in with me the whole deployment. You know that?"

"You are family." Emma said, putting her hand on his wrist and squeezing.

"Family..." Clay sighed, "My family didn't check in..."

"The guys did."

"You know what family I mean." Clay said, his voice shaky.

"I know. And it isn't fair and totally sucks."

"I missed you." Clay told her, looking up with tears in his eyes.

"Well Duh" Emma laughed and Clay pulled her into his side.

"I mean it...you...you were checking in before we even left...I...you don't have to care but you do."

"Of course I do." Emma said hugging him.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you care?"

"Why do I care or why doesn't your Dad?"

"See this is what I am talking about...you know what I am thinking before I even can think it." He said, reaching his hand up to wipe a tear from his cheek but she got it before he did with her thumb.

"Together." Emma told him, "We will get through this together."

Emma pulled Clay around so she was holding him and she ran her fingers up and down his back until he relaxed and he looked up at her, "Would be lost without you."

"Feel better?" Emma asked and he nodded. "You know that no matter where you are in the world...no matter what time it is...I am only a phone call away."

"Okay." He said, laying back down on the pillow, facing her.

"We do this together."

"This?"

"Life."

"Promise?"

"You are my family you idiot. Nothing is going to change that."

"Promise?" Clay smiled.

"I promise." Emma smiled.

* * *

"Oh, and there I was, butt naked, no passport, in Kuwait with my buddy JT."

"Oh, man."

"Here." Sonny said, pouring them another shot.

"Oh It's getting to be that hour."

"Call me crazy, but the last time we were here, didn't we, uh..."

"What?"

"I mean, not that we would ever..."

"That was a moment...That was a fleeting moment."

"Fleeting?"

"Fleeting."

"Right."

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

"Come here." As they gently kissed each other it felt as if the whole world was at peace.

"You ready to go?" Davis asked Sonny, reaching her hand for his and he nodded.

* * *

Jason saw next to Alana's gravestone and after a few minutes of trying to regulate his breathing he finally just started to talk to her, "Everybody's good. I mean, the team. I mean, we're all home safe. Everybody's alive. Mikey is crushing it in hockey. You'd be proud. Emma... Emma, well, you know, she's a teenager, So there's that, right? But, um she's just like you, Alana." He sighed, "Everything's different with you gone. I don't know how any of this works without you. You know, you know, I'm on the team. When I'm deployed, everything's good. When I'm back home, you know, I can convince everybody that I'm good, but, you know, deep down, I'm not." He admitted to the gravestone. He was too in his own head to realize that a car had pulled up and Mandy stood a few feet behind him as he spoke to his deceased wife, "I'm not... I'm scared. I'm alone. It mixes me up. I don't know what to do next here, Alana. What do I do? How do you unbreak the broke?" His voice cracking as he finished.

As Jason leaned forward to put his head in his arms hiding his face Mandy stepped forward and sat down next to him, leaning gently into his side, "Unbreak the broke?" She said, feeling the tears in her own eyes, "I got you...you know that, right?"

"I don't know how to do this without her." Jason mumbled as he struggled to breathe, tears long since cried out.

"You are a good Dad Jason, a really good Dad. Alana knew that. Emma and Mikey...they know that. You aren't alone. You don't have to do any of this alone."

"Not just talking about the kids." He said, looking up at her.

"Anything specific?"

"Life." Jason told Mandy. "Living. I don't know how to do this without her." He said, looking at the headstone.

"What can I do tonight...right now...to help you?" She asked him, only a few hours earlier it had been him holding her, telling her she had done a good job and reassuring her.

"Don't know."

"You want to go home?"

"I can't."

"Alana wouldn't want to see you doubting yourself Jason. She loved you, all of you...you know that right?"

"She said I stopped coming home...when we were talking she said at one point I stopped coming home...I have been trying to figure out when I stopped coming home...what she was talking about...I finally got it...it was after a mission went sideways...when Sonny was hurt...we didn't all make it home..."

"She knew why. She also knew you well enough to know that even though you said you wanted your own place it was because you were scared of hurting them...if something happened to you it would be easier for them if you had already taken yourself out of the family." Mandy told him and his head snapped up.

"How the Hell do you know that?" He asked, voice so quiet she barely heard. It had been a guess but she had hit the nail on the head.

"Because I know you."

"She was my best friend." He said, his voice cracking.

"I know." Mandy told him, "But she wasn't your only friend." Turning to Alana's headstone and away from Jason she started talking, if she couldn't get through to Jason that she was in his corner maybe he would hear it when she was talking to Alana. "You asked me to look out for him years ago...and I have done everything I could to make sure they come home safe...but their heads...I cannot take away the things that they have had to see or do to get home. Bravo is like family...and as much as I have tried to keep work separate it is impossible, just like you told me it would be...and now that you aren't here to be a sounding board for Jason and the rest of the guys they feel lost...though tonight is the first time I have heard him admit it. I don't know how to help them if they don't let me...if he doesn't let me."

"You talked to Alana?"

"Several times."

"Did she really ask you to look out for me?"

"For Bravo at first...but yes."

"After the crash...she didn't question me going to your apartment instead of Ray's...in the hospital I saw you together but didn't remember you talking."

"You were pretty out of it."

"When did she first talk to you?"

"Few years ago. She came onto base to bring you your passport before you were spun up. Saw me in the hallway talking to Harrington."

"Why didn't she ever say anything."

"She did Jace...you just didn't want to hear it. Always telling everyone you are fine when it is crystal clear that you are far from it to anyone who has spent more than five minutes with you."

"I should have listened to her."

"Yeah...you probably should have but we cannot change the past...we can only find a way to move forward."

"I am going to send Mikey to a summer camp at a boarding school...if he likes it I will have him go to school there next year."

"And Emma?"

"She needs to go to college."

"How are you going to pay for that?"

"Selling the house. I already talked to the company Alana worked for."

"Seems like you have it all figured out then."

"Doesn't feel like it."

"Haven't told them yet."

"You know it was Emma who told me where to find you."

"Figured it was her or the Kid."

"Mikey?"

"No. She is with Spencer."

"Your daughter is his lifeline."

"Like Alana was mine."

"Are they...?"

"No. Not sure it would be a bad thing if they were in a few years though."

"Pretty big age difference."

"Not much different than Alana and I were."

"You knew each other in high school."

"She was in high school."

"They still need their Dad Jason...as big of a circle that you build around them they still need their Dad."

"Hard to be Bravo One when all I can think about is missing her."

"She will always be a part of you...but you can't stop living just because she is gone."

"I am scared." He said, looking up to her.

"I know." She told him as she stood up, "But you aren't alone...and you need to get some sleep." When he slowly nodded Mandy reached out her hand, "Come on, I am taking you home. We can pick up your truck in the morning."

When they got back to the house Mandy opened the door and followed Jason around the house, first sticking his head into Mikey's room and finding him asleep he closed the door and walked across the hall where he went into Emma's room. Mandy stood in the doorway and watched as Jason pulled a blanket off the chair and draped it over both Emma and Clay, sitting down behind Clay he ran his fingers through his hair waking him gently.

"You okay?" Clay mumbled sleepily.

"Yeah Buddy, go back to sleep." Jason whispered back, running his fingers through his hair a few more times until he saw his lips part in sleep. He sat there watching the two sleep until Mandy moved and cast a shadow in the room and he slowly got up and walked out, closing the door behind him.

"You don't treat him the same way when you are working." Mandy pointed out. Jason shrugged and leaned against the wall in the hallway. "He is a lot like you."

"He is a good Kid."

"You need to sleep."

"Yeah." Jason agreed, walking back down the stairs and sitting down on the couch.

"Jason go sleep in your bed. You have been sleeping in hammocks and lawn chairs for weeks."

"I can't. Not tonight." He said, fear in his eyes and Mandy sat down next to him."

"You want me to stay until you fall asleep?"

"You have been awake as long as I have."

"Been a rough few days." She yawned, leaning her head on Jason's shoulder.

"Been a rough few months." Jason agreed, leaning back on the couch and resting his head against hers and quickly falling asleep.


	25. Chapter 25

_I felt like this show was missing a lot...so I added it. Enjoy the long chapter! -AJ_

* * *

When Mikey woke up the house was silent and out of habit he went to see where Emma was and found her and Clay still very much asleep. Making his way downstairs he was surprised to find his Dad asleep on the couch, head on Mandy's shoulder and she smiled at him as she watched the news with closed captioning on. "Dad?" Mikey asked quietly, his Dad was usually up and either at work or working out in the garage when he got up so he was surprised to find him still asleep.

"He's sleeping Bud." Mandy whispered.

"His truck isn't in the driveway." He noticed, looking out the window.

"It is at the cemetery." She told him.

"He went to see Mom?" He asked her and Mandy nodded, "What time did he get home?"

"Late." Mandy told him and Mikey sat down on the couch and leaned against his dad, flopping his Dad's arm over his body he hugged himself into his side.

"Mmmm...you okay Buddy?" Jason asked, waking up and hugging the boy into him, it wasn't often anymore his kids wanted to snuggle up to him. Mikey nodded but didn't say anything. "You want pancakes?" Jason asked as he tousled his hair.

"You went to see Mom without us." Mikey told him. "Why?"

"I wanted to talk to her like we used to after you and your sister went to bed." Jason told him and Mandy was surprised at how open Jason was with his son.

"Dad...do you miss her?"

"Very much Buddy."

"Is it okay for me to be sad still?"

"Yeah. I am still sad. And mad sometimes and even scared."

"You are?" Mikey asked, surprised.

"Your Mom and I were best friends. Did you know that? I was young and dumb and she saved me when she was even younger than your sister is now..."

"I've heard that story like a million times." Mikey said and you could hear in his voice that there was an eye roll included.

"I told her everything...when I had a crazy idea or wanted to do something I always went to her and she always had the answers...when we had your sister...and then you...I was scared. I had never been around kids and uh...well you guys smelled and cried and I didn't know what to do with you." Jason smiled.

"Da-a-a-d!" Mikey groaned.

"Your Mom always knew what to do. What your different cries meant...your faces...she knew it all. She always told me what to do...taught me how to be a dad." Jason said, his voice cracking.

"She did a good job then." Mikey smiled, "Because you are a really good Dad."

"You think so?"

"Mmmm Hmmm." Mikey smiled, sitting up but still holding onto Jason's arm.

"With my job it is hard. There are things that I have to do that I can't or don't want to talk about and your Mom didn't like that. Alana...she...uh, your Mom always made me feel safe when I was upset about something and even when I couldn't talk about she would help me find a way to still be a good dad to you guys."

"But now she is dead." Mikey said, looking down at his hands, "And you think you won't be a good Dad anymore?"

"I am scared that I am going to mess up." Jason told him and Mandy moved her arm and put her hand on his shoulder.

"But you know everything and now we are grown up so we can tell you what we need." Mikey told him. "Like pancakes. Right now I need pancakes." He said standing up and walking into the kitchen getting the stuff out to make pancakes.

"You are a good dad Jason. Don't ever doubt that." Mandy whispered to him before he stood up. There was an unspoken promise on the teams that if anything ever happened to one of them that they would help look in on the kids and the wives but this was the first time it had been one of the wives who was killed and everything felt foreign. He should have been the one killed, not her...and not a mile down the road. It wasn't the natural order to things and as much as the Navy prepared the guys for losing a friend, a brother, they did nothing for losing a spouse.

As Jason poured pancake batter onto the griddle he got a call, "Everything okay Sonny?" he answered. Only hearing one side of the conversation it wasn't hard to guess by Jason's next answer, "Kid is asleep. Brought him over here last night. Come over for pancakes if you want."

"Morning Sonny." Mandy said, loud enough for him to hear through Jason's phone.

"What? No. Just come over here if you want breakfast." Jason said before hanging up the phone and shaking his head at Mandy.

"Sonny is coming over?" Mikey asked with a huge grin.

"He didn't say." Jason told him.

"He will. Sonny loves pancakes." Mikey smiled as he got out more plates, not seeing his Dad and Mandy look at each other with sad smiles, knowing Sonny never did well after being deployed.

* * *

When Clay woke up he was facing Emma, who was still asleep, hair having fallen across her face he brushed it behind her ear, smiling when she reached her hand up and put it lazily on his wrist holding it there as she woke up. "Morning." Clay whispered.

"He come home last night?" Emma asked, opening her eyes slowly.

"Yeah."

"What time is it?"

"Eight." Clay said, looking over her shoulder to the clock on the wall.

"When Dad came home was he okay?"

"Doubt it. Put the blanket over us and sat in here for a while."

"He was running his fingers through your hair...wasn't he?" Emma said, sitting up on her bed, "Your hair is a mess but you didn't move around."

"Oh uh...yeah I guess." Clay shrugged, sitting up. He only vaguely remembered him coming in and remembered Jason rubbing his shoulder.

"He treats you different when you are here than when you are deployed." Emma said, reading his mind. "To protect the team...but he sees you different than the other guys."

"Think so?" Clay asked, standing up and throwing a shirt on.

"Everyone thinks so...even Harrington."

"Since when do you talk to Harrington?"

"Everyone who is connected to Bravo and not deployed has been checking in...all the wives knew Mom...know we are here alone...well...with Grandma when she was here but mostly alone...but yeah... Harrington came over a few times, asked about you guys."

"Oh."

"They are worried about Dad is all...and know you are one of the few who can get through to him...and aren't afraid to challenge him. They see the two of you together as a failsafe...when you add in Ray...basically you have three Bravo 1's." She said as she stood in the mirror and pulled her hair up into a messy ponytail. "Go. I will be down in a couple minutes." Emma smiled. "I assume Sonny will be over shortly if not the whole team...your phone is blowing up." Emma pointed at his phone.

* * *

As soon as Clay walked into the kitchen he saw Mandy and Mikey in an intense discussion about the Avengers and whether or not Bravo is as cool as they are. "I would love to take a ride in Iron Man's suit." Clay smirked.

"I dunno Blondie, I am pretty sure you are Captain America over here." Jason laughed.

"America's ass." Mikey laughed.

"Hey now, I think Clay would look great in a leotard." Mandy managed to say with a straight face before everyone started laughing.

As they were laughing Sonny stormed into the house and froze when he saw the scene in front of him, everyone safe and laughing and he went and sat down on the couch and put his head in his hands. "What's wrong with Sonny?" Mikey asked just as Emma bounced went over and wrapped her arm around his shoulder, pulling him into her.

"Sunshine likes to worry." Clay answered, looking over at Jason before walking into the living room, knowing the majority of Sonny's anxiety was because of him not answering his calls.

"They are okay Sonny. You are okay." Emma whispered as Clay walked over to them.

"He didn't answer." Sonny mumbled.

"I was sleeping Buddy. I'm fine." Clay told him, "Mikey was just telling me how I was America's Ass...I think I would make a better Iron Man though."

"Think Mikey's right." Sonny mumbled, lifting his head and trying to smile.

"Pancakes are ready." Jason smiled, "If the Avengers could assemble that would be great..."

"Dad that is not how they say it." Mikey groaned.

"Whatever. Your food is ready." Jason rolled his eyes.

Clay squeezed Sonny's shoulder and went into the kitchen, he had been too focused on himself to realize that Sonny was the one to struggle when they came home and even though it had been Sonny asking him to come out so he wasn't thinking about Stella it was also so that he didn't have to be alone. "What were you doing last night?" Emma asked Sonny as he stood up.

"Bar with Davis."

"She stay with you?" Jason asked.

"No. Said she had something this morning."

"We all do. Harrington wants us to go in and discuss what happened in Mexico." Jason said, clearly annoyed.

"How many times do we have to tell them what happened?" Clay asked.

"As many as it takes to appease government officials." Mandy said.

"So are you guys grounded?" Emma asked.

"No. We didn't do anything wrong." Jason answered. "Now eat...you too Sonny."

* * *

When the team got into the conference room they figured it was for another lecture on diplomacy or going rogue but Blackburn came in alone and sat down at the table with them. "What is it now?" Jason asked as he leaned back and crossed his arms. He knew that something had happened, that this wasn't them getting spun up or to be lectured.

"Have you guys watched the news the last few days?"

"What do you think?" Sonny asked him sarcastically.

"A couple days ago there was an accident at Coronado." Eric said looking at Clay. "Training mission went sideways. No survivors."

"What uh...what unit?" Clay asked, his breath hitched in his chest, he knew that for Eric to call them in to tell them it was somehow connected to them, Cairos and him were the only two that had spent any time out there and Eric was looking at him and not at Cairos.

"Yours." Eric told him. "I do not have the names of those in the unit but..." As Bravo team slowly looked towards Clay he laid his head down on the table and Jason slid his chair over and put his hand on his back. Instead of accepting the comfort he slammed out his chair and stormed out of the room. "Not exactly how I expected him to take the news." Eric said as he continued to explain what happened to the unit.

"Why's it always the Kid?" Sonny said, standing up to follow his friend out.

"Sonny stop." Jason said calmly, looking down at his phone as he read a text.

"What?" Sonny spun around, "No."

"Sonny stop." Jason said again.

"Jay?" Ray questioned, he had been the one who put a hand on the kid to comfort him and now he was telling Sonny not to go after him.

"He shouldn't be alone. Not right now." Sonny tried to tell Jason.

"Sonny I said stop." Jason said, holding up his phone.

"Emma?" Ray asked.

Jason just raised his eyebrows and the team knew that was the case. "Emma?" Eric asked, looking to Jason.

"Bravo is family." Brock answered, as Sonny sat back down, aparently the senior chief's daughters name was enough to calm down an entire SEAL Team.

"How close was he to his old unit?" Eric asked.

"They were his men." Jason snapped.

"Can fly two to the memorial." Eric said.

"Bravo still has to be mission ready?" Brock asked.

"Yes." Eric confirmed.

"Emma." Trent said, looking to Jason who nodded slowly.

"You want to send your daughter across the country with one of your..." Eric started to ask, knowing it was futile. Once Jason made up his mind there was no changing it.

"Emma is the ONLY person who can keep his head on straight right now." Jason said, "Since Sonny and I cannot go I trust her."

"You are sure about this?" Eric asked.

"Are you really questioning me right now?" Jason asked.

"As a friend or as your Commander?" Eric raised an eyebrow.

"Either." Jason said, "You have known Emma her entire life. She has grown up on the teams, been to too many funerals to count, including her own mothers, she knows Clay. He trusts her, Hell, he called her as soon as he walked out of this damn room. She is just like Alana, Eric, she is the one person on this planet that will be able to get through." Jason said before turning his attention back to his phone and texting Emma back, 'His unit was in a training accident. No survivors.' Not two seconds later Emma called him and he answered, "You are going to Coronado with him for the memorials." The guys hearing her talking but not well enough to understand what she was saying they just sat in silence as Jason let her talk. "Bring him home, I will send Sonny to pack his stuff up for him." Jason bend forward and ran his hand through his hair, "Yes Emma. We know it isn't fair." Leaning back and sighing, "I know he has family in California. I do not know the schedule. Just bring him home and we will be there when we can." Jason ran his hand through his hair again, "Emma I have to go. I love you too."

"She here?" Sonny asked.

"She said she could see him." Jason answered.

"Did he tell her?" Ray asked.

"Why is it always people I care about...that is what he said to her...she didn't know if something happened to one of us."

"As his commander I have to ask." Eric said.

"No." Jason glared, was it so wrong for his adult daughter to be friends with his team? Especially the team member that was young enough to be one of his own kids.

"They fly out tomorrow." Eric said, "All of you, go. I will bring dinner to your place tonight."

"Sonny, work with Davis to arrange their flight back here and hotel. Make it so he can see his family while he is there." Eric said.

"When you are done here go to his apartment...his spare keys are in his cage then both of you come over."

* * *

When Clay climbed in the car he was silent, face frozen and instead of asking him how he was she just drove them home. When she parked in the driveway they silently got out and he went into the house and sat down on the couch. Sitting down next to him she asked, "How many?"

"Four from when I was there. Two new. Plus the pilots."

"Plane crash?" Emma asked, but Clay didn't hear her, he was too stuck in his own head.

"I went through basic with them. Two new guys replaced me and Brian."

"Dad said we are going to Coronado." Emma said, breaking him from his focus.

"We?" Clay said, looking over at her and meeting her eyes for the first time.

"We." Emma told him.

"How?"

"Dad said I was going to Coronado with you for the memorials." Emma shrugged as Clay leaned back into the couch.

"I'm sorry we keep dragging you into this shit." Clay mumbled.

"Did you know that when my mom was my age she was pregnant with me?"

"What? No?"

"Okay so you keep apologizing or telling me that you don't want me in this because I am too young or whatever but when my mom was my age she was pregnant with me and getting ready to elope with my Dad. So stop apologizing. I am in this because I want to be in this. You are my family so just be you and no more I'm sorry's." She said, leaning next to him. "We are in this together."

* * *

"Bossman wants you to book a trip for Peter Pan and Emma to Coronado." Sonny said walking up to Davis's desk.

"Emma?" She asked surprised.

"Who else would go?"

"Point taken."

"He also said something about them seeing his family."

"Blackburn already had me book two tickets Norfolk to San Diego. Memorial is the day after tomorrow."

"Add an extra night and fly them back at night." Sonny said, standing behind her as she worked her magic. "Jace also said we are suppose to pack his bag and we are having a family dinner at his house."

"That so?"

"Yes Ma'am."

"How are you doing Sonny?" Lisa asked as she stood up, walking over to the printer where she grabbed the flight and hotel information as well as a rental car.

"Kid can't catch a break."

"Good thing he has family who has his back." Lisa said, raising her eyebrows and smiling at him, "Let's go get his stuff."

* * *

When Jason stormed into his house he found Emma with her finger to her lips and pointing at Clay who was asleep with his head on her lap. "Plan?"

"Davis and Sonny are making arrangements and packing his bag."

"Why aren't one of you going with him?"

"Can't."

"He went through basic with four of them...and the two he didn't are the ones that replaced him and Brian."

"Emma." Jason said, not knowing what to say.

"He is different."

"Different how?"

"He has been through too much."

"Think I don't know that?"

"Ash know?" Emma asked her dad.

"Not my concern."

"Who's idea was it for me to go?"

"Trent."

"Who told you?"

"Blackburn."

"What he say about me going?"

"He knows how old your Mother was when we got together."

"Clay and I aren't like that." Emma said.

"I know." Jason told her, "Team is coming over for dinner."

"Not like you guys are predictable." Emma rolled her eyes, anytime anything happened there was a dinner.

"You okay with going?" Jason asked her and she nodded, "You will be alone out there."

"Dad I am eighteen."

"You will be going to the memorial."

"I know." Emma said, wiping her eye as a tear slipped out, "It isn't going to be easy but...he needs us."

"You sound like your Mom."

"Dad do you think you would have still married her if she wasn't pregnant?"

"Why?"

"I dunno...I just...I can't even imagine being married and when she was my age she was knocked up."

"Knocked up? Are you serious right now? Emma, your mom was my best friend. Married or not your mom has been my best friend since the day she pulled me out of the water." Jason shook his head, "I will be in the garage."

"You always loved her?"

"Emma she is my best friend." Jason said, looking up to the ceiling, his back to his daughter.

"Love you." Emma said just loud enough for him to hear and he nodded before walking out to the garage.

* * *

As the team walked in they saw Clay asleep on the couch with Emma focused on her phone and kept walking out to the back where her Dad eventually joined them. Emma could see by the constant eyes looking in that they were talking about Clay and it bugged her. She knew that Clay hated when people worried about him, felt like he was a burden and that he wasn't worth the time or energy for people to focus on him when they had their own lives to think about.

"Everyone here now?" Clay mumbled, "Only want to be asked once."

"It is okay to not be okay right now." Emma told him.

"You really as old as your Mom was when she was pregnant with you?"

"Older technically. She was born in December. I was born in September."

"Jace is..."

"Older." Emma smiled, "I try not to think about that."

"You don't have to go with me out there."

"Shut up."

"I'm serious Emma...you don't have to go." Clay said as he sat up.

"I am going and you are being dumb." She said, smiling as she gripped some of his messy dirty blonde hair and pushed him over on the couch as she stood up. "I will be outside with the rest of our nosey family." Turning around to see him lean forward on the couch she knew he would be out soon and as she shut the door behind her she turned to the guys, "Do not ask him if he is okay. You already know the answer. Do not ask him about his team. Just let him be present."

"Flight out at noon. Norfolk to San Diego. Car is in his name. Staying in a hotel just off base. I also sent you a couple of my friends numbers who are stationed there if you need anything." Davis said, smiling at the young woman in front of her so proud of who she was becoming, definitely her mothers daughter.

"Thanks Lisa." Emma said, sitting down on the armrest of Ray's chair and feeling his hand on her back. "All of you have known me basically my entire life but I am not some innocent little girl anymore so please stop treating me like one."

"She is definitely Alana's." Eric laughed as he walked through the gate into the backyard with a stack of pizzas having just heard Emma.

"Yes I am." Emma smiled at her Dad's commander watching Clay walk out of the house out of the corner of her eye.

He walked over and took the empty chair next to Ray, "I will be fine." Clay said, looking down at his hands.

"Sure you will Little Buddy." Sonny said, handing Clay a beer.

* * *

Ray went home around two and Emma went inside to pack. Truth be told she was scared and she couldn't stand to listen to any more stories about dead guys. She hadn't been to a funeral since Adam's and after that she didn't ever want to go to another. Lisa came up to her room to check in on her a little while later and found her sitting on the floor with half of her closet sitting on the floor around her. "Want help?" She asked.

"I don't have anything to wear." Emma said, looking up.

"Start with the stuff you for sure have. Bras, underwear, socks, swimsuit, shoes..." Lisa smiled and Emma quickly grabbed those things and threw them into the bag. "Favorite jeans. Couple shirts." Emma tossed them in. "Cute sundress and a sweater." Emma grabbed a light blue one and threw it in.

"I don't have anything for the memorial."

"I have an idea."

"And?"

"Let's look in your Mom's closet."

"Really?"

"You have borrowing her clothes for years. Go pick a dress."

When Emma walked downstairs she found her Dad in the bedroom, looking in the closet and as she walked in the room he handed her a simple navy blue dress with white lacing down the back. "This one." He said, "She wore this to most of the memorials she had to go to."

"Dad..." Emma said as tears fell from her eyes as she ran to him, wrapping her arms tight around him and burying her face in his chest.

"Hey." He said, tipping her chin up, "You are just like your Mom...but you aren't your Mom. You have too much of me in you for that." He smiled. "I thought you would want her with you for this...because she should be here for this." Jason told her as a tear slid from his eye.

"I don't like seeing you guys hurting."

"I know." Jason told her, "I don't like to see any of my kids hurting."

"You should talk to him."

"He doesn't want to talk about it."

"He needs you to tell him it is not his fault."

"He won't believe me when I say it." Jason told her.

"Why?"

"Because when something happens to one of my guys I blame myself."

"Oh."

"Well then tell him it is okay to not be okay."

"Emma he already knows that. He doesn't need me to tell him."

"He needs to hear you tell him you love him." Emma said pulling back and sitting down on the bed.

"Emma he is..."

"Tell him." Emma said, "When you have him alone don't be his team leader...just be you and tell him. He sure isn't going to hear it from Ash."

"Emma..."

"Is everyone staying here tonight?"

"Don't think I could sleep now if I tried." Jason shrugged.

"Whatever happened in Mexico..."

"It is more complicated than that."

"I just want you to know that you are a good Dad." She said, standing back up and hugging him.

"Go pack the bag and come back down and sit with us." He said, hugging her back.

"Some of us require sleep." Emma rolled her eyes.

"Please."

"Yeah...okay. For a little bit." She said before taking the dress and leaving her Dad alone in the room. When she came back down she looked in her parents room only to find the light off and the door closed so she went outside. Instead of taking an empty chair she went over and sat on her Dad's lap and leaned her head on his shoulder, listening to Lisa talk about the first time she met each of the guys on Bravo.

The next thing she knew she was being woken up as a blanket was being wrapped around her and she felt the weight of her Dad's head against hers and felt a weight on her back as well and she gave a confused look, "Sonny." Lisa mouthed as she pulled up a photo on her phone, she was asleep on Jason with Sonny leaning against her back and Clay's legs kicked up and being held by Sonny, Clay's head on Brock's shoulder and Cerberus laying in front of Clay's chair.

"You can lay down in my bed if you want." She said looking behind Lisa to where Eric was laid back on the bench from the picnic table fast asleep, Trent asleep on the other bench..

"Not often all these guys are asleep at the same time." She smiled sadly, "Kinda want to just take it in."

"You got in...didn't you?" Emma asked and Lisa grinned, "Secret is safe with me."

"It is surreal." Lisa shrugged, "I can't even say it out loud."

"You tell him?" Emma asked, pointing at Sonny.

"He is the only one who knows." She said, pointing at Eric.

"You will always be family." Emma told her.

"Everyone always says you are Alana's mini but to me you are more like him." Lisa smiled.

"How long do we have until we have to leave for Norfolk?" Emma asked with a yawn.

"Couple hours."

"You wake me up in an hour?"

"Sure thing." Lisa smiled as she sat down next to Eric's head. Her family. Would they still be family if she got stationed somewhere else? The thought of losing any of her Bravo family scared her more than not knowing if she could even handle OCS.

* * *

Lisa quietly woke up Emma who went up and she woke up her Dad with a kiss on the cheek as Sonny opened his eyes, slouching down in the chair as she got up to go shower. When she came back down the only ones left were Davis, Sonny and Clay and they were standing around the kitchen island. "Who is taking us?" Emma asked.

"Davis." Her Dad answered.

"Spun up?" Emma asked.

"No. Paintball with Green Team." Sonny told her before walking over and pulling her in for a hug. "Don't let him turn it off." Sonny whispered to her and she nodded.

"Sonny I am right here." Clay told him.

"I see you Little Buddy." Sonny drawled.

"Right." Clay mumbled.

"Walk with me Kid." Jason said as he walked to the front door, grabbing Emma's bag as she went.

Clay grabbed the bag that Sonny had brought over and followed him out the front door. "We ready to go?" Davis asked.

"He needs a minute." Emma said, grabbing a bagel from the fridge. Once she finished it she smiled at the two, "Now we can go."

* * *

"Thank you." Clay said, once the two were settled in the air, two seats in the exit row, a nice old lady sitting in the aisle seat.

"Are you as tired as I am?" Emma asked him.

"Uh...anxious?" Clay said and Emma quickly pushed his arm out of the way and flipped up the armrest between them. "What are you doing?"

"Guessing you don't have any movies to watch...I do." She said leaning into his shoulder, putting one of her pink earbuds into his ear after she pulled out her tablet.

Looking down at how she was curled in her seat he laughed, "Comfortable?"

"I don't know how you guys fly all the time and not die of boredom."

"We sleep."

"Or sit there and stress over all of the horrific ways you may die on whatever mission you are going to complete."

"Right."

"Yeah. So shut up and watch." Emma smirked.

"Men In Black? Really?" Clay rolled his eyes as the movie started.

"Just short enough to watch on this leg of the flight." She shrugged, "Besides...Will Smith...plus aliens...how could you not love this movie?"

* * *

"You really think he will be okay?" Sonny asked for the tenth time since they got to the drill.

"For the tenth time Sonny they will be fine. Now can you get your head in the game? We are getting ready to start." Jason said as they got into position.

"Have you heard from them yet?" Ray asked.

"Should be in Charlotte." Jason told them. "They are fine."

"When is there next flight?" Trent asked.

"You too?" Jason shook his head.

"Don't like to be split up is all." Sonny shrugged. "And you know I am on all the time. It's go time Boss."

* * *

"I am going to go get food. You watch my stuff?" Emma said once they reached their gate for their second flight.

"I can go with you." Clay said as he sat down.

"I just need...will you just let me do this?" Emma asked, "I mean I know I can't bring them back and the entire reason we are going there is literally nothing I can do...but getting you food right now...making sure you eat lunch...when I don't think you even ate breakfast...will you just let me do this?"

"I am fine." Clay told her as he leaned forward putting his elbows on his knees, he knew she knew he was lying.

"Humor me." She deadpanned, "I am going to go get food then I will be back."

Clay smirked at her before questioning, "I am allowed to go to the bathroom aren't I?"

"You are an ass." Emma said as she started walking away, "Watch my stuff."

"Emm?" Clay called after her.

"Yeah?"

"Not a burger."

"Okay." She smiled. When she was out of what she thought was his line of sight she turned around and saw him rock back and put his head in his hands. She ran to the bathroom and then went to the closest Bojangles and ordered chicken and biscuits and some cheerwine.

"What's this?" He asked when she sat down next to him a few minutes later.

"Hannah said to try it while we are here." Emma shrugged.

"Tell Hannah thanks for the suggestion." Clay smiled when he was done. "How long until we board?"

"Five minutes...if they are on time."

"You want the window this time?" Emma asked as they walked down the aisle of the plane.

"As long as you let me take up your foot room again I don't care." He smiled at her.

As they were waiting for the rest of the plane to board Emma noticed he was getting antsy and once again she flipped up the armrest and hooked her arm through his. "Stop." Emma told him with a squeeze of his arm.

"I'm fine." Clay lied.

"You are full of shit."

"They were my family...and I left them..." Clay mumbled.

"They knew why you and Brian left."

"If I would have stayed..."

"Then you may be dead now too." Emma said, looking down at his arm and holding it with her other hand, "You can't what if."

When she looked up to him she saw the tears in his eyes and she squeezed his arm again, "We will get through this together. Okay?" She asked as someone her dad's age sat down next to Clay, quickly putting on headphones and pulling out a book. "You pick a movie this time." She said handing him the tablet.

The lack of sleep was getting to her and a half hour into the movie her head was resting on his shoulder and she was asleep. Clay only moved when the movie ended and he needed to start another one and as he sat there unmoving he tried to focus on the weight of her head on his shoulder. Somehow Emma had become one of his best friends despite their age difference. Knowing that his master chief trusted him to go cross country with his daughter, that the other members of Bravo were no doubt thinking about him, worrying about him, it brought him comfort. He had found a family. With that thought running through his head he no longer held focus on the movie and leaned his head back on the seat and closed his eyes. The weight of Emma's head his security blanket, as long as the weight was there he was safe.

* * *

"We made it to the hotel. Going to get dinner and then we are going to see his family." Emma told Jason as Clay stood inside checking them into the hotel.

"How was the flight?" Her dad asked.

"He is fine. We both got some sleep."

"Actually fine?"

"Dad how would you feel if everyone in Bravo was killed?"

"Not the same."

"Really? Because he went through basic with those guys."

"Make him have fun."

"We are going to In 'n Out. Then I told him I want to see the beach."

"You are basically on an island."

"Like a real beach... like drive up the 101 or something."

"You going to talk him into going to see the Hollywood sign too?"

"Is it close enough?"

"It is just as far to Laguna." Jason said, "You could look at a map you know."

"The person at the airport said..."

"Emma look at a map. Make sure he sees his family. Do not linger at the memorial. Make him have fun."

"We love you too Dad." Emma smiled when Clay walked out, holding up the card that was the room key. "I will check in tomorrow."

After throwing their bags into the room they got into the car and drove back into San Diego where they did a quick stop at the burger joint before going to the nursing home. Emma stayed quiet as Clay tried to visit, but his Grandmother's focus kept moving to her and she finally said hi. "The way he looks at you Deary...his eyes twinkle. He is cute too."

"You think so?" Emma smiled, trying not to laugh.

"Reminds me of my Darling. Looks just like him. Even the eyes...and no one has his eyes."

"If only he would get a haircut." Emma smiled. "Do you have any photos?"

"Sure thing Honey. Over there on the shelf." She said pointing to a small shelf in her room. "Not sure who the other books belong to but the white one...that one is mine." Emma grabbed the white one and brought it over next to her and the two flipped through and she told her all about the adventures of her youth while Clay looked through the others, smiling at some photos and frowning at others. By the time she made it through the book she asked if she could look at the others, "Go for it Honey, don't even know where those books came from."

"This you?" Emma asked, looking at a photo of a bare butt little boy crawling through the sand towards a football. Clay smiled. Emma pulled out her phone and took a photo of the photo.

"What are you going to do with that?" Clay asked. Emma shrugged.

There were several photos of baby Clay with his grandfather...who he did look exactly like that Emma also took photos of. The photos of him with his parents all looked staged, the ones with his grandparents were relaxed and even as a young child it was those photos where he looked happy. The last photo in the album was Clay with his grandparents as he left for basic training and Emma took a photo of that but stared at it a lot longer.

"You done?" Clay asked, he didn't want to see it anymore. It was just a reminder of what he used to have.

"Yeah." Emma said, seeing the change in him. "Can we stop at the beach on our way back?"

As Emma put the album back on the couch Clay said his goodbyes, something that she could see was painful for him to do...someone that he obviously adored who no longer knew who he was. When they got back in the car Emma opened the sunroof and rolled down the windows, leaning over Clay to roll his down as well, earning a curious look as she did it but he didn't say anything. As he pulled onto the highway she turned up the radio on an oldies station, let her arm slide out the window as she started singing along with the music. By the third song he was singing along with her with a smile on his face.

It was near ten by the time Clay pulled up to the gate at the Naval Base and drove them to Breakers Beach. "Why aren't we staying here?" Emma asked as he parked and he just shrugged. "I take it you have spent a lot of time here?"

"You wanted to see the beach." He said as he led her down a path to the beach. "I will take you to my favorite one tomorrow when it is daylight."

"Okay." She said, taking off her shoes as they hit the sand and standing there staring at him until he did the same. "We are going to touch the ocean. Then we can go back to the hotel."

"Yeah?" Clay asked with a yawn, even though it was only ten, to him it felt like one and that was a one after not getting much sleep the night before. Emma nodded before running off towards the ocean, Clay jogging to keep up as she dropped her things in the dry sand and walked right into the waters edge. He smiled seeing her smile and when she turned around to look at him he walked up to her and pulled her into a hug. "I can't lose anyone else." He mumbled into the wind.

"Take a picture with me?" Emma said as she pulled out her phone, he nodded and grabbed her phone from her, bending down to her height he made a ridiculous face and snapped the photograph as she looked at him laughing. "You ready to go weirdo?" She asked. He nodded and they made their way back to the hotel.

After Emma had changed into her pajamas she came out and climbed into the bed that was next to the window and he took his turn in the bathroom and she turned on the tv quickly finding Friends. When Clay came out he sat down on the other bed but did not lay down. "Think out loud?"

"Emma..."

Scooting over to the other side of the bed she patted the spot she just vacated. "Did you want to call Dad or Sonny?" She asked and Clay shook his head as he moved over, sitting on the edge of the bed Emma was in. "Clay?"

"Feels like I can't breathe." He finally told her.

"None of this is your fault." She said reaching over and putting her hand on his back and he turned to her. "It isn't."

"Why then?" Clay asked and Emma could see the fear in his eyes, the look on his face reminding her of how Mikey used to look when he would crawl into bed with her after a nightmare when he was little.

"Why is the ocean blue?" Emma asked with a small smile. "I told you we can't ask the what ifs."

"I can't lose anything else." Clay whispered.

"Look at me." Emma said, sitting up and leaning towards him. "You will lose people. With what you do...hell, with life, people die. You have to see that you have a family who will help you find a way through...like you did for me when my mom died...and Adam."

"Are you here because you think you owe me?" Clay asked her, focus only locking on to the end of what she said.

"Are you dumb?" Emma asked him and his eyes shot up, looking at her. "I am here because you are my best friend you idiot."

Clay stared at her through the end of the scene and the following commercials before laying down on the bed, Emma settling in next to him, facing him after shutting off the lights, the room only lit by the tv set. When she reached her hand over and put it over his heart he put his hand on hers and held it there and she could feel his breathing change as he allowed himself to be weak. Neither said anything that night, Emma laid there with her hand on his chest, head eventually finding its way to his arm as he relaxed into a peaceful sleep.

* * *

"Feels weird to run these drills without Spencer here." Ray said as they finished their early morning simulation.

"You have done them without me, we have done them without you...hell only one here who has done every combo of Bravo is Sunshine here." Jason said even though in his own mind during the entire drill he was missing the Kid.

"Because I am indestructible." Sonny laughed, throwing on his worn Longhorns hat.

"You are something alright." Jason said, pushing Sonny's shoulder as they walked.

"What time is it there?" Sonny asked.

"Three hour time difference. They are still sleeping." Jason said.

"Feel like we should be there for the kid." Trent said.

"He knows we are thinking about him." Ray said.

"Still feels wrong." Sonny grumbled. Cerberus barked. "He agrees."

"Morning." Davis smiled as they walked into the building. Earning nothing but nods from Bravo she pushed them all into their cages. "Memorial starts at 10...that's at one for us." She said looking at Sonny. "Emma knows for them to get there an hour before. Once the memorial is over there is a reception and then they are free to go. They fly back tomorrow night."

"We know what the schedule is. Doesn't help." Sonny mumbled. "We should be there with him."

"You are right where you are suppose to be." Blackburn said walking in. "We need your help. Alpha team is getting ready for something and needs to run some simulations."

* * *

Emma gave Clay space as he got ready in the morning, she had gotten up early and was ready before she even woke him up. When they got to the memorial she followed him around introducing herself and having small talk with all of the others who were there. She could feel Clay's eyes on her everytime she turned around, staying close she was holding her own and giving him space to really talk to the wives and families of his brothers who had perished.

Emma noticed that he stayed particularly close to one woman, to the point of taking the crying toddler from her and bouncing him on his shoulder until he fell asleep. As he held the sleeping baby he moved on to talk to someone else and Emma went over to say hi to the woman.

"You must be Emma." The woman smiled, "I'm Caitlyn. My husband and Clay grew up together. Kinder on up. I moved to the neighborhood when I was twelve or so. Only other person Spence will relax like that for was his Daddy." Emma smiled and nodded, "They went to college together, basic together...hell the two were both accepted to the teams at the same time but then I found out I was pregnant so he stayed back when Clay and Brian left."

"I am so sorry." Emma told her, "If there is anything we can do..." She felt weird even as she said it but she didn't know what to say.

"You keep his head on straight." Caitlyn told her. "But I don't think I need to worry about that with you, I've been watching you with him. It's clear you are close."

"He is one of my best friends." Emma acknowledged.

"Your Dad...Jace? Jason? He is Bravo's leader right?"

"Yeah."

"Clay said he really found a family with Bravo...said losing Brian...alpha, your Momma and Adam...Jesus that boy has been through hell and back...he said it was you guys that helped him get through. Never really said names until after the crash though and even then it was only Jace, Sonny, Emma or Stella...that woman by the way...if I ever get my hands on her...breaking his heart as he boards a damn plane. What was she thinking?"

"He told you about us?" Emma asked, surprised. She hardly saw Clay talk to anyone.

"Sure thing. He calls home every week to get updates on Spence...or trying to talk Andy into applying to the teams again. We look in on his family for him. His Gram is the sweetest thing. His Grandpa and the crash though...Ash hasn't even graced us with his presence...just writes a check every month to keep um where they are. But you...with all of the things that boy has been through...you can hear the smile in his voice when he talks about you."

"Will you tell me about Andy...and about Clay growing up?" Emma asked, looking over at Clay as he talked with an older couple, surprised that he didn't shy away when they touched his shoulder or pulled him in for a hug.

"Those are Andy's parents." Caitlyn smiled, "And what do you want to know about my boys?"

"What were they like?"

"From what I heard they were typical boys, playing soldier, reading comic books...but Clay...his Dad always brought back comic books from other countries...different languages...him and Andy used those goofy things to start learning the other languages...by the time I moved out here they were getting in trouble for talking in code...piecing together four or five different languages and able to carry on conversations just like it was english...it was the weirdest thing."

"Without Andy what will you guys do?"

"We aren't going anywhere. I am a nurse down here and Andy's parents babysit Spence for me now that they are retired. Going to miss that man like crazy though...especially when number two gets here." She smiled, patting her very flat stomach.

"Number two?"

"We just found out last week." Caitlyn shrugged. "Haven't told anyone yet except Clay...which is why he keeps taking the baby...he thinks me carrying him around is going to somehow hurt the pregnancy...Andy's last gift to me...don't even know if we are having an Andrew or an Andrea yet."

"I'm sorry...I am like going to ask a totally none of my business question but how are you not like a total mess?" Emma asked and Caitlyn started laughing.

"Oh Lordy Emma, I am a hot mess." She laughed, "I just don't have anymore tears left to cry right now."

"I still...with my Mom...this dress was hers and when I put it on this morning..."

Caitlyn pulled Emma into her for a hug and whispered into her ear, "Every moment we got with them was a gift." When she pulled back she kept hold of Emma's hand, "I knew from the moment I met those two that if I was going to end up with either one of them I was going to be a Navy wife...you a Navy brat...but I couldn't imagine my life trying to not love Andy...and really the two were kind of a package deal so I loved both of them."

"Is it hard?" Emma asked, "Loving them knowing that anytime you say goodbye it could be for the last time?"

"You grew up with your Daddy leaving...could you ever imagine not loving him?"

"No...but...I dunno...it seems different for a boyfriend or husband."

"Hold tight to what you love." Caitlyn shrugged.

"Stella was too stupid to do that." Emma mumbled.

"Clay told me what you did to try and help her...to help him...you think she will come to her senses?"

"Maybe...pretty sure he thought they were going to end up married. Even took her to meet Ash."

"But you have been the only one to meet his Gram." She smiled.

"How do you..."

"I am their contact...anytime they get a visitor I didn't arrange I get a call. The nurse said she didn't remember him but said she looked just like his Grandpa...said that he looked sad when you left...hard not to I suppose...just hate to see that heart of his hurting."

"Yeah..." Emma nodded, "I was serious...if you guys need anything...Bravo is family...we can help."

"I told you...you help keep his head on straight...don't let him lose who he is." She smiled, "Come on, I will introduce you to Andy's parents." She smiled.

When Emma walked over to Clay she smiled at the toddler who was just waking up, "Hey Spence." When he lazily reached an arm out to her Clay handed her the child and he quickly snuggled into her, falling back asleep.

"I should keep the two of you here...that boy never sleeps...never takes to strangers either." Caitlyn smiled.

"Little Spence just knows who the good ones are." Andy's mom smiled at her Grandson. "Emma, right?" She asked, looking at Clay who nodded. "Clay tells me you are applying to art schools. Which ones are you looking at?"

As Emma talked with Andy's family whilst holding his sleeping namesake Clay watched her in awe, it was times like these that he forgot how young she was and his mind went back to what she had said about Alana being pregnant with her when she had been her age. She was amazing and he felt lucky to be able to call her his friend. He knew that she had not chosen to come out to California, that her Dad and the team had made that decision for her but she never questioned it. Seeing she was busy he snuck outside and pulled out his phone calling Jason, who of course answered on the first ring.

"My best friend...basically my brother since we were five...he was one of the ones killed...and now Emma is holding his baby...Spencer...freaking kid is named after me and she is talking to Caitlyn and Andy's parents and I just...how the hell does she do it?" Clay rambled before Jason even had a chance to answer.

"Alana." Jason answered before quickly asking, "Why didn't you tell us about Andy?"

"Would it have made a difference?" Clay mumbled, feeling his lungs tighten in his chest as he said it.

"Why aren't you with Emma?" Jason asked and he could here him mumble something to someone else.

"Couldn't breathe. Caitlyn...she is pregnant Jace...they just found out...and now...it is my fault."

"You can't go there Kid...I know it is hard...really hard...but you can't blame yourself."

"Do you?"

"I try not to."

"It hurts." Clay said, sitting down on the cement wall outside of the event hall and putting his head in his hands.

Feeling someone's hand on his shoulder he looked up and handed his phone to Emma before dropping his head back down, a hand now on his other side as well. "I will call you back." Emma said into the phone.

"His best friend?" Jason asked.

"I love you too." Emma answered before hanging up and taking Clay's hand in hers and pulling it away form his face as a tear slid down his nose to the bricks below.

"Clay." Caitlyn said, tears slipping from her eyes as she leaned into her husbands best friend, one of her best friends. "What happened to Andy...I always knew it was a possibility and we planned for it. The crash...what happened to Brian...none of that is your fault."

"Andy joined the Navy because of me."

"Andy joined the Navy because it was who he was." She smiled sadly, "And he enlisted before you."

"Only because his birthday was before mine."

"Dammit Clay it is not your fault." She said pushing him from the side and he leaned into Emma, staying against her and she moved her arm and put it on his shoulder, her head now against his.

"I'm with her on this." Emma said quietly.

"Who has Spence?" Clay mumbled.

"Mom." Caitlin smiled at him, "When Sonny called Emma she passed him off and we came to find you."

"Sonny called?"

"Boys are still at the office." Emma smiled, "Something about paintball and Alpha Team."

"Katie...I'm sorry." Clay said looking over at her. "I should have protected him."

"You said it. Now I do not want to ever hear that out of your mouth again." She told him, "Also...what did I tell you about calling me Katie?"

"They will grow up without a Dad now."

"They will, but they have amazing people in their lives to teach them who their Dad was." She said looking at Emma, "My kids are extremely lucky. You hear me?" Clay nodded his head but kept it against Emma. "Now. Since this awful memorial is over how about we go up to Laguna and have fun."

* * *

'Headed to Laguna with Caitlyn.' Emma sent a group text to her Dad and Sonny once they were on the freeway.

'How is he?' Sonny asked.

'How is my dad right now?' Emma sent back.

'Don't worry about me.' Her Dad sent back.

"That...is how he is.' Emma sent back with the emoji sticking out its tongue.

"Dad?" Clay asked as he drove, looking at Emma in the rearview.

Emma nodded and Caitlyn was quick to point out, "You were never this close to any of your other units."

"Dad and Clay share a brain."

"That so?"

"Dad and Ray have been together for ages...same for Sonny, Brock and Trent...basically my entire life...his best friend...Nate was killed...Clay joined Bravo right after that but Dad was complaining about him for like three weeks before that because Clay pissed him off when he was a strap."

"You certainly know a lot about the team."

"Grew up with it...guys forget sometimes I am not on Bravo and when they are at home they just talk." Emma shrugged.

"Try to keep her out of it but..."

"I don't exactly listen all the time." She smiled and she saw the reflection of Clay's crooked grin in the rearview mirror.

"Don't think you ever listen." Clay smirked.

"Yeah well...when you joined the team my Dad started acting like my Dad again...brought the team together and made them whole...showed them it is okay to have a heart and still do their jobs..."

"So I am not the only one who thinks you have a heart?" Caitlyn nudged Clay with a smile, "He has been trying to convince the world he can handle anything thrown at him on his own but..."

"Okay can you two seriously talk about anything else?"

"How about we talk about how you secretly love Backstreet Boys?" Caitlyn laughed. "Or how when he drinks whisky he will pour his heart out but if he is drinking beer he kinda turns into a dick."

"Or that he is a snuggler."

"Hahaha yes!" Caitlyn smiled, "Or when you put your hand on his shoulder he will relax." When Caitlyn said that Clay looked at Emma in the backseat with a small smile.

"Or we could talk about how you never read books in english."

"Or you could talk about the beach or the weather or anything other than me." Clay groaned.

* * *

It was nearing midnight when the two returned to the hotel and Clay flopped down face first onto the bed as Emma went into the bathroom to get changed. When she came out she found Clay snoring softly and she shook her head, walking over to him she took off his shoes and socks and rolled him over on the bed and he curled into himself. When she stepped back he reached out for her and she went around to the other side and climbed into the bed next to him and he quickly snuggled into her side. "You were who I needed today." He whispered sleepily.

"Then it is a good thing I am here then." She smiled.

"Home tomorrow?"

"We have to be at the airport around 7."

"Time to go see them again?"

"Yup."

"Not sure what is harder." Clay said as he opened his eyes. "You are the only one I have told about them other than Katie and Andy."

"Why don't you talk about them?"

"And say what?" Clay asked, "My Pops is a vegetable and my Gram doesn't know who I am?"

"It is kind of a big thing."

"I told you...and that stupid purple bear."

"My bear isn't stupid."

"That was when you told me you would always have my back."

"I am glad I got to come with you." Emma said looking at him in the dimly lit room.

Turning to face her he asked, "You are glad you got to come to a memorial?

"Yeah. It may be cheesy or whatever but I think it is cool that I can say I met your Grandparents, your childhood best friends wife and gotten to hold their baby and know that she is pregnant when like no one else knows...that is a pretty cool secret to have."

"Hmmm." Clay yawned, "And you got to see the beach."

"I love the beach." Emma said, rolling onto her back and staring up at the ceiling. "Thank you for not shutting me out."

"Thank you for pushing." Clay said, reaching his hand over and putting it on hers.

* * *

When they boarded their flight home the next night they were glad to only have a short layover and no switching of the planes the fact that the plane was relatively empty so they had the row to themselves to sleep most of the way. Clay sat in the window seat and Emma curled herself across the remaining two and both were asleep before the plane had even reached cruising altitude. Clay woke up when they landed an hour later in Las Vegas for the layover and brushed the hair out of Emma's eyes before pulling out his phone.

She had sent him the photos she had taken before they boarded and as he looked at a photo of his hand holding his grandfather's he had to take a few deep breaths to catch his breath having forgotten to breath. "What picture?" Emma mumbled and Clay held his phone down so she could see it. "You see the one of you and your Gram yet?" She asked and he flipped a few photos through and saw what she was talking about. His grandmother had her hand on his cheek and they were both laughing.

"When did you take that?"

"When she was telling me all about her grandson spilling a pot of spaghetti all over when they were camping." Emma smiled, sitting up but keeping her head on Clay's arm. "She loves you so much."

"She doesn't remember me."

"She remembers her grandson."

"I wish you had met her like she was before." He told her.

"I kinda did...I mean...she told me all about the people in the photo albums...just because she doesn't remember you doesn't mean you don't remember her...and she remembers who she was so it is different obviously."

"Obviously."

"But she is still your Gramma." Emma finished.

"Never thought of it like that before."

"I am going to be so tired tomorrow." She said looking up at Clay who echoed her yawn.

"I am ready for things to get back to normal I guess."

"You are on Bravo...what is normal?" Clay rolled his eyes at her and she smiled. "You going to sleep?"

Clay shrugged, "You ever see Vegas before?" He asked, looking out the window as they took off.

"Nope." She said leaning over him and looking out the window, "It is so bright." She said in awe, "Looks way cooler than it looked on Real World."

"Real World?"

"The TV show."

"Seriously?" Clay asked with a chuckle.

"Other people's drama makes me thankful for what I have."

"You are crazy."

"You love me anyway." Emma smiled and she flipped his arm around her. "Now hold still so I can sleep."

Clay hugged her into his side and took a deep breath. "Forever."

"You are suppose to say always." Emma mumbled.

"No. I mean forever." He said leaning his head against hers and closing his eyes.

* * *

It was eight in the morning when they sleepily stood at the curb as Jason took their bags, pulling them both into hugs before they climbed into the truck. "How was the flight home?"

"Slept through it." Emma shrugged as she laid down across the backseat.

"You up for going straight in this morning?"

"Not even a day off?" Emma asked.

"Kid?" Jason asked.

"Normal would be nice." Clay told Jason.

"We've got you. You know that right?" Jason asked, reaching over and putting his hand on Clay's shoulder.

"I am not going to school today." Emma informed her Dad.

"Naima said you do need to go back to work today though." Jason shook his head, not wanting to put up a fight for one day of school when she had spent the weekend with one of his men attending a memorial for several of his friends.

* * *

Two weeks of working regular business hours gave Jason time to help Emma get financial aid things figured out and follow up on her college applications. He also had time to look at hockey camps with Mikey and play a few rounds of golf with the boys. Everything seemed to be back to normal to the outside world but Jason was struggling. He couldn't sleep in his bedroom, not without Alana. He couldn't sleep anywhere really, everytime he would fall asleep he would wake up to some horrible nightmare of someone he loved being killed.

That morning was no different, waking up on the couch with the images of his children lying dead stuck in his mind. To calm his thoughts he pulled out a handgun that he had gotten for Alana and started cleaning it. "What are you doing?" Emma asked, walking into the kitchen as she was getting ready for school.

"Cleaning this up for you." He said, barely looking up.

"Pass." Emma told him, she had been saying no to having a gun since she was a child, she wanted nothing to do with them.

"Huh. There is no "pass. " I'm taking you to the range 'cause you need to learn how to shoot."

"No, I don't."

"Yes, you do. You need to learn how to shoot. What's gonna happen when Grandma's not here or I'm not here? Who do you think's in charge? You would be the one who's in charge." Jason told her, picturing the bullet hole in her head as he spoke with her.

"I know how to dial 911." Emma told him, seeing the fear in his eyes, she really didn't want to argue.

"That's great. You know how to dial 911. All right, so what happens when you do dial 911? How long does it take for them to get here?"

"The world's not full of bad guys. You only see it that way because of your job."

"Not because of my job, all right? You're going to college soon. I'm not gonna be around to look after you, so you need to be prepared."

"For what? I'm going to college, not Yemen."

"It's not a joke, Emma."

"I know. You want to keep me safe. But guess what, I am safe. And so is Mikey. I don't need a gun. But if it makes you feel better, I'll take Krav Maga classes or something." She said kissing his temple. She was not going to get a gun but she was willing to compromise.

"Oh, that makes me feel a whole lot better." Jason said sarcastically as she walked out the door.

* * *

'Stella is coming over today to get her stuff.' Clay text Emma when he knew she was home from school.

'Want me to come over?'

'Don't know what I want.'

'I will bring dinner over in a couple hours.'

'Thanks.' Clay sent her, knowing she would be pissed at how much of a mess his apartment had become.

"Dad I am bringing dinner to Clay's."

"He can come over here."

"Stella is picking up her stuff."

"You don't have to take care of him."

"He is family." Emma said, crossing her arms. "Have to or not I am bringing him dinner."

"Tell Sonny and see if he will take him out tonight."

"Because getting drunk always helps a broken heart."

"Sonny can help keep an eye."

"Fine." Emma said walking out, "You tell Sonny to pick him up at nine, I am bringing him dinner."

* * *

"Hi." Clay said as he opened the door, knowing it was Stella.

"Hi." She echoed.

"I didn't die in Mexico." He said, knowing it would cut deep and regretting it at soon as it came out of his mouth. "Um, here's-here's your-your stuff." He said, handing her the box that Emma had packed up.

"Oh. Right." She said taking it from his hands, wanting to just pull him into a hug but still being too afraid of the what if's.

"This is everything that I could find."

"Okay."

"Yeah, I-I could have just brought this to you."

"It's all right. I have a thing in town tonight anyway, so this looks like it has everything."

"All right. I'll see you around."

"Oh, um, before I forget." She said, setting the box down and pulling out her keys and pulling off the key he had forgotten that he had given her. "I probably shouldn't have this."

"Uh...right. Okay." He said quietly. "Bye, Stella."

"Bye." She said as she turned on her heels away from Clay.

Watching Clay stare at the closed door Emma got up off the couch and walked over and wrapped him in a hug, "Come on Bud, if you are going out with Sonny tonight you need to eat."

After holding her into him for a minute he let go and with a sign he walked into the kitchen where he opened yet another pizza box, grabbing a slice and taking a bite. "You really didn't have to come over again."

"And someday your dumb ass will learn that I don't hang out with you because I have to." Emma smirked, grabbing herself a slice for herself.

"Sure have a way with words." Clay laughed.

"Don't be dumb and I won't call you a dumbass."

* * *

"Davis, I feel like Operation Change of Scenery is a failure, because the long-lost Jonas brother is miserable." Sonny smirked. "Look at those pouty lips."

"I don't know." Davis smiled, "Was the objective to cheer him up or just to get him out of that smelly apartment?"

"Well, if it was smell we were worried about, we shouldn't have come to a place with Natty Light and three decades of Drakkar Noir clinging to the walls."

"Drakkar Noir." Davis questioned before standing up and moving over and dancing in front of Clay, "Well, look, it is a proven fact that you cannot dance and be sad at the same time. So...?"

"No, not me."

"Let's go, Clay."

"Clay. Come on."

"I'm just...No. Clay, Clay's not a dancer. He's not a dancer. Just not gonna do it."

"You realize it is bad manners to decline a lady's invitation to dance." Sonny told his best friend.

"Thank you." Lisa smiled.

"Okay, well, then, why don't you be Mr. Chivalrous and take the lady dancing, Sonny?" Clay slurred, "Yeah. That's gonna be up to you there, cowboy. Come on. Put your spurs on. I'm gonna get us some more beer." Clay said as he stood up.

"Get me a whiskey." Sonny told him.

"I'll get you a cosmo." Clay snapped.

"Ooh. All right." Lisa laughed.

"You don't really want to dance, do you?" Sonny asked her as she sat back down.

"Oh, hell no."

"I'd rather be bull-kicked in the gut."

"Good."

"Sonny don't dance."

"No?"

"Mm. I saw what you were doing, though."

"Hmm? Doing what?"

"Oh, yeah. Trying to make me jealous, asking that big ol' stud Clay Spenser to dance."

"Sonny I was just trying to be a good friend to someone who needs one."

"Uh-huh."

"Yeah."

"Uh-huh."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Talk about what?"

"What happened when we got back from Mexico."

"Oh, you mean when you kissed me?"

"Uh, hold up, okay? When we kissed."

"Yeah."

"Mm-hmm."

"Yeah, you know, it was pretty good, too. Some might actually say it was great."

"What?"

"It wasn't great?"

"I would just say that it can't happen again."

"Did I have bad breath? 'Cause I was eating trail mix, and I probably hadn't brushed my teeth..."

"Sonny, you know, I really wish you'd take this seriously for just a second."

"Okay."

"Okay. We're in the same unit."

"Mm-hmm."

"And UCMJ says that that kiss was illegal. And fraternization is a really big violation, so was it worth jeopardizing our careers over?"

"I feel like this is a trick question, Davis." Sonny smiled, "Yeah, come on, man, you can't deny that this is fun."

"Yes, I can. I have to. We both do."

"Okay."

"Mm-hmm. And it was great."

"Yeah, see? I told you it was." Sonny smiled before seeing Clay out of the corner of his eye grab a poolstick before following a couple out the door and both him and Lisa jumped up to chase him out. "Hey. Clay! What are you doing, buddy?" He said grabbing Clay and holding him back, "Ah, here I thought you ran out without paying the tab. Just 'cause you win a pool game, doesn't mean you get to keep the pool cue." Sonny rambled. "Yeah, let's get you back inside. Let's go, Patrick Swayze."

"Brady, it's freezing in your truck." The girl, who looked freakishly like Stella called after the guy who Clay was chasing. "Who are they? What did they want with you?"

"Know what? He is all yours. You guys have a good evening." Davis smiled.

"Hey, have you lost your mind? What were you going to do?" Sonny asked, turning Clay around and leading him back into the bar.

"I...I thought that was..." Clay mumbled.

"What are you, like, Jackie Chan with this thing?" Sonny asked, taking the pool cue from him.

"Sonny...I..." Clay said, plopping down on the curb.

"I will go pay our tab." Lisa said, leaving her guys on the curb.

"I thought it was Stella..."

"Even if it was...Brother you can't do this."

"I just can't...fuck Sonny..." Clay said, tears in his eyes.

"You ready to go home Buddy?" Lisa asked, walking back out.

"To Jason's?" Clay asked.

"We can do that." Sonny said, reaching his arm out and pulling Clay up.

* * *

Emma was the one who opened the door ten minutes later when Sonny half carried Clay to the front door. "What the hell did you do to him?" She asked.

Seeing Jason walk into the room Sonny looked at him and earned a small nod. "Was a gal who looked like she could be Stella's sister."

"Put him on the couch." Emma told him and he was passed out before he even hit the cushions.

"How much did he have to drink Sonny?"

"Had a few pitchers between us." Sonny answered.

"So he turned into a dick instead of spilling his guts." Emma crossed her arms and stared at Sonny.

"What do you know of his choice of beverages?" Jason asked his daughter.

"Tequila makes him talk. Whiskey makes him emotional. Beer turns him into a dick." Emma scowled.

"How the hell..." Jason asked.

"Caitlyn and I talked." Emma answered.

"Caitlyn?" Sonny asked.

"Andy's wife." Emma reminded her Dad.

"Kindergarten Andy?" Sonny asked, "How would his wife know that?"

"Katie and Andy have been together since high school."

"And you were talking about his reactions to alcohol?" Jason asked.

"He told us to talk about something other than..."

"So you started talking about alcohol?"

"And Backstreet Boys... and his Grandparents...and about a million other things. We were with her most of the time we were there."

"Will you go grab a garbage can incase he needs to puke?"

"He won't puke." Emma told them.

"You sure about that?" Jason asked.

"I said he won't puke." Emma mumbled, taking off Clay's shoes and laying him down on the couch, covering him with a blanket.

"I thought it was her." He slurred, grabbing her arm.

Looking up at her Dad and Sonny she shook her head at them and turned her focus onto Clay. "Sonny told me." She said, pulling her arm until it was her hand that he held and she squeezed it.

"Guy looked like..." Clay said, opening his eyes and looking at her.

"Andy?"

"But he is dead. My fault." Clay mumbled.

"Not your fault you idiot." Emma said, sitting down, him lifting up his head just enough for her to sit down and he put his head on her lap.

"I miss something?" Sonny asked.

"No more trying to drink away feelings." Emma told Sonny and her Dad. "Now on you morons talk."

"You already know." Clay mumbled, rolling so his face was buried in her hip.

She brushed her fingers through his hair until he relaxed into her then looked up at her Dad and Sonny. "What is his fault?" Jason asked.

"Basically everything that has happened since he left for basic." Emma told them. When the two stood confused she started listing off the things he had mentioned, "Brian, Andy, his entire unit. His grandparents..." She said looking up.

"What about his grandparents?" Sonny asked.

"Vegetable." Clay mumbled into her leg.

"When he came back from basic he came back to his grandparents in the hospital...they had been in an accident and his grandpa is a vegetable and his Gram's doesn't recognize him anymore."

"Shit." Sonny mumbled.

"Why didn't he say anything?"

"He just wants to do his job." Emma shrugged, "Clay hasn't had a family since...other than Andy and Caitlyn...and they were in California."

"Boss?" Sonny said, looking at Jason unsure of what he should do.

"Have Davis bring you home. We are back to work in the morning."

"Nothing I can do?"

"Kid just needs to sleep it off." Jason shrugged, a frown on his face, "besides...I think she knows him better than both of us put together."

* * *

"Flight 916, belonging to Tunisama Fida Airlines, en route from Tunis to Barcelona, has been hijacked by armed members of the Brotherhood of Islamic Jihad." The tv in the cage said.

"Hey, boss, you seeing this?" Clay asked.

"Yeah."

"Think there are Americans on that flight?"

"International flight...Yeah."

"Airplane takedown. That is the unicorn of special ops." Sonny said.

"Unicorn, huh?" Jason smirked.

"Mm-hmm." Sonny smiled.

"Didn't you say that about the GOPLAT takedown?" Jason asked.

"Pow." Clay smirked as he threw a dart, hitting the target perfectly.

"No, that was the white whale." Sonny explained. "That was pretty good." He said acknowledging the dart that had flown past his head.

"No, two completely different animals." Sonny explained, " This one is much rarer."

"Right."

"Only four in history." Sonny said as a rubber band hit him in the chest, "Come on, you got a better shot than that."

"Too bad it'll be going to Delta Force."

"Oh. Normally, it would. But all the CAG teams that are typically available are currently forward deployed." Blackburn said walking in.

"That mean what I think it means?"

"Yeah, it means, wrap it up here. We're wheels up for Qatar in 30." Blackburn smiled.

"What do you say, Sonny, huh? Want to go hunting some unicorns?" Jason smiled.

* * *

"Hey. You talk to him about last night? Is he all right?" Davis asked Sonny on the plane.

"Oh, yeah. Last night was the result of trying to drink away a run-in with your ex. You know, a messy but necessary step in the relationship recovery cycle."

"What do you know about relationships?"

"Oh, easy, Davis. He just needs to rub some dirt on it, walk it off." Sonny said, alluding to her putting the brakes on the two of them.

"Unbelievable." Davis said, rolling her eyes.

"What'd I do?" Sonny mumbled, walking away from her.

* * *

"I didn't realize you were awake." Eric asked, walking up to Jason.

"What, do you think I sleep sitting up or something?"

"Hungry? Want some?"

"Not gonna eat that stuff. You got any updates on anything?"

"No assault yet. SAS standing by."

"All right. When we land, we'll give them a good push, huh? Get them going."

"It's a partner op, Jason. We're equals. I'm not in charge; I don't think we should be throwing our weight around on this one."

"I know how to play nice. What? You really think I'm gonna mess up a partner op?"

"Questions are being asked about what happened in Mexico."

"Mexico's done. It's finished. All right? Anyone who didn't have boots on that ground they can't judge."

"Brass is just doing their jobs. And that means that eyes will be on us. So..."

"You want me to play nice?"

"Hmm."

"Yeah, well I'll play nice."

"Thank you."

"Doesn't mean I like it, but I'm gonna play nice."

"Get some rest." Eric told him before walking back up to Mandy who after a minute walked back and sat down next to Jason.

"I am fine." Jason said before she was even sitting all the way down on the crate.

"Sure you are."

"I can play nice."

"Didn't say anything about that."

"He wants you to check up on me."

"No. He told me you had a stick up your ass and to stay away." Mandy smirked.

"Right." Jason said, leaning forward and wringy his hands.

"Talk or don't. I don't care. But I am here." She said, slouching down and leaning back on the crate and closing her eyes.

After a few minutes, just like he always did, he started talking. Eventually the two moving to the bed of one of their trucks and leaning back using the fender wells as a pillow and falling asleep.

* * *

On the ground for just over thirty hours and the team boarded their plane to go back home. As well as the team did, as well as he had done with the playing nice he knew something was off. Off with him, off with Clay, off with the team. When he got home he saw his daughter sitting at the kitchen island studying and instead of walking in the front door he snuck around to the back. "Just when you thought you were all alone, look who's back." He said, making her jump.

"You're back."

"I'm back, huh?" He smiled, flipping her text book closed, "I'm back."

"Yeah. Why don't you ever call and say you're back?"

"Yeah, well, you know, I love surprising you. The look on your face is priceless, anyhow. Where's your brother?"

"Mm, playing video games in his room."

"Of course he is."

"Like a mole person."

"What is this? Hasn't senioritis kicked in already?" He said, opening and closing her book again.

"I'm prepping for the APs."

"Prepping for the APs, huh?" She was so much like her mother it was unbelievable.

"If I do well on the exams, we won't have to pay tuition for classes that don't teach me anything new."

"Okay, well, I don't want you to worry about any of this."

"Right. You're the only one who gets to worry or figure out how to solve problems."

"That's right." He smiled, pulling out a pamphlet and holding it up.

"Ah. What is that, a concealed carry permit?"

"Look at that. Krav Maga. Right? At the Y."

"What's happening here?"

"I heard you. Come on, this is me compromising. Tell you what. You better take advantage of this before I change my mind."

"So you like my Krav Maga idea?"

"Yeah, of course, you know, I'm gonna have to vet the instructor, obviously, to make sure he's okay."

"I can work with that."

"All right. Sure you don't want a gun?"

"Yes."

"Positive?"

"Yes." Emma said, "How was Clay? He just said he was going to the bar and have Sonny meet him tonight." Emma said, glancing down at her phone.

"You worried about him?"

"He's only ever gone to the bar when it was a group of you all going but since him and Stella broke up if he isn't here he has been going and then texting later...drunk...most of the time it ends up just him there."

"His way of getting over Stella." Jason shrugged. "He will be fine."

"Until he isn't."

"What are you afraid of happening?"

"He isn't the random hookup kinda guy like Sonny is...he wants a family...he...I don't want him to lose who he is."

"He won't." Jason said, not believing himself even as he said it, "Kid will be fine."

* * *

"You saving this for someone?" A brown haired girl said walking towards Clay as he sat at the bar feeling sorry for himself.

"Uh, a buddy, but he's...he's late. So you yeah, help yourself." He said before waving the bartender over, "Can I get two more? Please?" When the drinks were set in front of him he smiled, "Thank you."

"What's your name?" She asked him.

"What's your name?"

"I'm Marcie."

"Hi, Marcie."

"Hi."

"Sorry." Clay said looking down at his phone and wanting to throw it as he read a text from Sonny saying he was going to stay in. "My buddy just blew me off. You'd be doing me a favor if you had that beer with me."

"Cheers."

"Cheers."

"So you're a SEAL? Risking your life to go after the worst of the worst, what's that like?"

"How many?"

"How many what?"

"How many team guys have you dated? My guess is zero, but you want to know what it's like. Can you live with uncertainty? Put half your life on hold for a spin-up? Act like you're cool about the job even though it terrifies you?"

"I'm sorry for whatever happened to you. But you should know, any woman who makes you choose between her and the team is a bitch."

"Is that so?" Clay asked, intrigued. He knew that she couldn't hack it as a Navy wife but he didn't want to be alone...and didn't want to have to rely on Emma or Jason or anyone else on Bravo who clearly had better things to do than sit around at a bar and get drunk with him.

* * *

Sonny felt bad for blowing off the Kid but he had to know...he had to give Lisa a chance...she was the first and only person he cared enough about to even think about a relationship. Relationships were not a Sonny thing...but with her, with her it was different. As he waited for her to answer his knock he had more butterflies than he ever had with any swim.

"Sonny." Lisa hissed as she opened the door.

"Yeah." He mumbled.

"I have neighbors. What are you doing? I thought you're supposed to be out hound-dogging with Clay, anyway."

"Well, you know. A beer with you sounded better." He told her, "And I lost my house keys."

"Oh, you don't know how to breach a door? Pick the lock."

"Well, I lost my car keys, too."

"Uber."

"I think I misplaced my cell phone."

"Sonny."

"Yeah?"

"These are lies."

"Okay. You're right, you got me."

"All right. Then tell me the truth."

"Already did. A beer with you sounded better." He smiled, looking up at her and she opened the door wider and stepped back so he could come in.

"You sure it is worth it?" Lisa asked after handing him a beer.

"I've gotta know." Sonny told her.

"You are one of my best friends." Lisa told him, leading him over to the couch.

"Really?" Sonny asked, surprised she felt that way.

"Who else do I hang out with Sonny?"

"Idea of this...its scarier than being shark bait."

* * *

Clay brought Marcie home. They had sex. Then he thought of Stella. Of Caitlyn. Of Emma sitting in the nursing home with his Grandma as she talked about the Grandson that she knew...and he was done. He couldn't do it and she felt the change in him. Tried to comfort him but at her touch he flinched and she knew there was nothing she could do. Hell, she still didn't even know his name. "See you around." Clay said after she had gathered her clothes and gotten dressed, without him even moving from his spot on the bed.

"Yeah. See you." She said with a sad smile. She knew she had gone after him because she was attracted to guys she thought she could fix...but him...she didn't know if there was a way to fix him. Before walking out the front door she paused, "Hey." She said, "I am, I am sorry. For whatever happened to you." When she saw Clay nod she opened the door and walked out.

He reached over to his side table and grabbed his phone and sent Emma a quick text, 'what the hell is wrong with me?'

Of course she facetimed him rather than texting him back, "You realize you aren't Sonny?" She asked and he choked on a sob. "I can be there in ten minutes." She told him.

"Just stay on the phone with me?" He asked.

"Yeah. Okay." She said as she climbed into her bed.

"Her name was Marcie." Clay told her. "I didn't even tell her my name."

"Why?"

"She thought she could fix me." Clay said, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

"And you don't think you are fixable." Emma said, cocking an eyebrow at him. "Clay we have had this conversation before."

"Why do you think I called you?"

"Why do you think you called me?" Emma asked him.

"I needed to."

"You feel better now?"

"Feel safe now."

"Safe but not better?" Emma asked and he shrugged. "Dad knows something is up with you...heard him talking to Ray on the phone a little bit ago."

"I don't want them to worry about me."

"Then you need to start seeing yourself how the rest of us see you."

"Not that easy."

"Not that hard if you open your eyes."

"You can be quite mean, you know that?"

"It isn't mean to tell you to love yourself."

"Emma?"

"Yeah?"

"Will you sing?"

"Sing what?"

"Anything."

"Why?"

"You were singing all the time in California."

"Along with radio."

"I know...but...it just..."

"You promise me you are okay? I can be over there..."

"You are over here."

"You know what I mean."

"I just...you make me get out of my head."

"That so?" She smiled before she started singing the new Skillet song Anchor. "When I get tired of fighting all the fears I've been hiding you give me a breath, and tell me to rest..." As she sang the song she knew by heart she watched as he closed his eyes, his head sinking to the pillow before his hand relaxed and the phone screen slid down the bed.

She kept singing as she went back to her homework, leaving the call connected, she knew eventually it would time out but until then she was going to be his lifeline. When Jason walked in he sat down next to her on the bed, "You hear from him?" She picked up her phone and waved it at him. "If he is asleep why are you still on it?" He asked her and she glared.

"He isn't Sonny." She said before starting another song, her dad laying back on her bed listening to her voice. By the time she was done with her homework her Dad had long since fallen asleep, Clay had woken once, moving the phone so he could see her face, and she could see his as his lips once again parted in sleep and she smiled. Her guys were far from okay but they were safe. They were home. And they were both sleeping.


	26. Chapter 26

"Not often you find Jeff Walker outside the Beltway. What's the occasion?" Mandy asked, walking into a dark conference room.

"Wanted to make sure we're on the same page before you push this mission to the assault force." Jeff told her.

"God, I don't like the sound of that." Mandy said, knowing that Jason and her boys were struggling and did not need another barely put together plan.

"Farid Dahir, sex trafficker with ties to Turkish organized crime, pops up on the grid every once in a while. Has a nice little business for himself selling women online."

"And?"

"And this." Jeff said before pushing play on a video, "My name is Jenna Robertson. I'm from the United States of America. I'm 22 years old. I left my country by my own choice. I weigh 52 kilograms..."

"Jihad Jenna. All-American Midwestern teenager, radicalized online, disappears from home two years ago, shows up in Syria an ISIS mujahideen bride." Mandy mumbled, even more annoyed than she was before if that was even possible.

"And became an instant fixture in their propaganda. That's her. Fighter she married, Abu Rakim. He's one of six battlefield commanders still operational."

"So how'd she end up for sale by a Turkish trafficker?"

"Unknown. What we do know is an account linked to Dahir posted a sizable incoming wire transfer yesterday. Dahir found a buyer."

"Who?"

"Probably her husband. If she escaped, ISIL can't have Jenna ending up in Western hands. The intel she has is bad enough, but it's the PR angle that'll really hurt: "Jihad Jenna disavows the caliphate." The handoff is set to go down in 24 hours." Jeff explained.

"You are not seriously considering a rescue op."

"Not considering it. Mission's already been authorized. Jenna spent the past two years in the highest levels of an unrecognized enemy nation state. She's a treasure trove of intel."

"So is her husband Rakim. Why not just go after him? I mean, Jenna's a woman. In that world, there's no way she would have access to the kind of intel you're after. This smells like politics." Jason hates politics. Everyone on Bravo hated politics.

"We're rescuing a young woman who made a terrible mistake and needs the help of her country."

"Oh, my..." Mandy huffed.

"Whatever intel or optics come along with that will be well-received."

"You don't believe that."

"I don't need to. And neither do you. Just prep your team. In the end, it's a kinetic op, just like any other." Jeff told her and she knew he was right. Go in, get the girl, go home. Seemed relatively simple and despite how insane it was to begin with it was an easy operation, one that Bravo had done hundreds of times.

* * *

Waking up on the couch to a knocking on his door Clay tripped over empty bottles as he got up to open the front door. "Ash?" He said as he opened it to find his father.

"Clay. So what happened to, uh, Stella?" Ash asked as he let himself into the apartment.

"What do you mean?"

"Who says anything happened?"

"Well, I don't know, just, the general lack of anything female in this place."

"We split up."

"Oh. That's too bad. I liked her. I suppose it's better it happened now, before some nasty divorce."

"Or Kids to cramp my style."

"That's not what I meant."

"So what are you doing here?" Clay asked as he picked up a pizza box and put it in the fridge.

"Just wanted to see you."

"Well, there's a first for everything, I guess, right?"

"Clay. Hey. You're my son. I'm proud of you. I keep tabs on everything you do."

"All right?"

"Don't think I don't know that it was you, okay. It was Bravo Team who handled that mess over at Saudi a couple months ago."

"Maybe."

"Maybe. BS." He said smiling at his son, "Listen, I got a meeting with my publisher in an hour. I was hoping we could get a beer later."

"Okay?"

"I need to run something by you."

"Get a beer later?"

"Yeah, let's, let's get a beer later, Dad. That'd be good. You know? Maybe we can toss the old pigskin around? It'd be fun. It'd be really fun." Clay said sarcastically, not believing a word out of his father's mouth.

"You're my son, okay? Now, I know that I wasn't the world's greatest dad, but I'd like us to be closer."

"Yeah, well, you know, it doesn't really happen that way."

"Yeah, I realize that, Clay! But I'm just looking for a chance to work it out." Ash yelled at Clay before letting himself out of the apartment.

Walking into his bedroom he stopped to stare at the Bravo flag hanging on his wall. Since that night he hadn't been able to sleep in his bed. It didn't feel right, didn't feel clean...didn't help that he hadn't had time to do laundry. He hated what his life was becoming outside of the team. He was forgetting who he was and was struggling to function outside of work.

* * *

"An oasis in the midst of rolling hills, Bennington is a refuge from the rigors of modern life." Emma read from a college brochure.

"Okay." Hannah smiled.

"That a college or a day spa?" Mikey asked.

"Shut up." The girls said in unison.

"Maybe it's a cult?"

"How do you know what a cult is?" Emma asked.

"The Internet."

"It is, um, bastion for the next generation of trailblazers." Emma smiled.

"Trailblazer? Yeah, not sure that's me." Hannah said.

"Eh, Adam Seaver's kid is gonna be whatever she wants to be, Hannah." Jason told her.

"Thanks, Mr. Hayes."

"You got it."

"Oh. Hi, Mom. Hey, let me grab my bag, okay?" Hannah said, running into the house.

"Hey, Victoria." Jason said, looking up at Hannah's mother.

"Hey. Did they study at all?"

"Um I have no idea. But, you know what? They were laughing, so..."

"Hmm."

"That's all that matters, right? They're lucky to have each other." Jason said, focus on how both of their girls lost one of their parents so close to each other.

"Yeah. Can you believe they're both gonna leave home soon?"

"Yeah, out in the real world, uh..."

"You don't think Emma's ready for it?" Victoria asked, Jason shrugged, "You know, I was meaning to call you. Um, I've been going to a support group. Maybe you should come to one."

"A support group?"

"Yeah."

"No, that's, uh really not my thing."

"I figured. But it might surprise you."

"Why is that?"

"Well, if anything else, it's right next to a diner, so, um, I get to grief eat."

"They got beer there?"

"They do."

"Beer, I like. You know? The whole grief counseling thing, I'm not, uh, it's not really me."

"Yeah. More of a, uh, a grin and I'll have another beer kind of a guy. Right?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah. Okay." She said, already knowing that Jason would never agree to the therapy but wanting him to see that he is not alone.

"You take care, Jason."

"Yeah. Yeah, see you."

"Did you get any work done, ladies?" Victoria asked when Hannah emerged from the house.

"Yeah, a little bit. A little bit." The girls told her with a smile.

"Dad why don't you go to a support group or something?" Emma asked once her friend was gone.

"Just said it wasn't my thing."

"Then why do you make us go to counseling?"

"Because you aren't a lost cause." Jason told her before getting up and disappearing into the garage.

"You aren't a lost cause." Emma mumbled before grabbing her things and going inside.

* * *

The team reacted to the opp just like Mandy had expected. They hated politics. They didn't care about Jenna. They thought it was a complete waste of time. But it was their job so they went over the plan and boarded the plane. Wash, rinse, repeat as Jason always said.

Once they were on the ground they found Jenna with no incidents and they all were feeling it, they had been led into a trap. "Havoc, it's 1. Pass Crockett." Jason said into the comms. "Cut her loose. Ray, take the gag out."

"Hold her down!" Kairos yelled. "Don't let her move." He yelled frantic.

"What do you got?" Jason asked as the guys held her in place.

"She's wired. Don't move her."

"Talk to me, Kairos. Kairos, talk to me."

"She moves, we die." He said calmly.

"Kairos, why didn't it detonate?"

"No idea. I got three 152-mil shells wired together. Kill radius is this room and half the building."

"Well, if that line's the trigger, let's cut it and get the hell out of Dodge."

"Not that simple. Current could be running through this wire. You cut the circuit, it detonates."

"How long to disarm it?"

"I can't say. This arduino and power source are linked to a blasting cap in the nose of each artillery round. If she moves, breaks the circuit, boom."

"All stations, this is 1. We got an EOD situation. Hostage is hooked up to multiple UXOs. We cannot move her without detonation. Target's not secure."

"Bravo 1, this is Havoc Base. I copy your EOD situation. Be advised, you don't have much time till daylight."

"Copy that."

"Fill us in as it progresses. Havoc out." A few minutes later the comms were hot again, "Havoc Base to Bravo 1, we're seeing an enemy technical with a heavy machine gun and at least six armed fighters two mikes out, approaching your location from the east."

"Good copy, Havoc. IED initiated ambush with follow-up assault. These guys know what they're doing."

"Bravo 6, you're gonna see 'em first."

"Good copy, Bravo 1. I'm on it."

"I'll take "Jihadi Honey Traps" for 800, Alex." Sonny grumbled.

"Kairos, talk to me." Jason said, pacing the room.

"Five, ten minutes maybe."

"Bravo 6 to Bravo 4, I got a vehicle moving toward us right here. It's an up-armored VBIED."

"Smoke it!"

"Trent, I can't get a bullet in there."

"After all these years, finally. Yeah, buddy. Uh, rocket out." Trent mumbled to himself as he aimed the rocket at the armored vehicle, firing quickly.

"What the hell just happened, Bravo 6?"

"Enemy just detonated a VBIED about 30 meters from our egress point."

"1, this is 4. Correction. I just detonated an enemy VBIED 30 meters from our egress point." Trent said.

"Okay. Check. Hold security, and, uh, we're almost done here."

"Negative. I can't see anything up here with all this smoke." Clay said into comms.

"All right. Check. Get back to the first deck. I'll meet you at the main entrance." Jason told him before turning to Kairos. "Okay, swami boy, let's go. Storm's coming."

"Working the problem."

"Work faster, hippie. Work it like a vegan burrito." Sonny yelled.

"Kairos?"

"Five minutes, at most."

"We're good here, J. Go." Ray told Jason.

"The minute it's safe to go, get her out fast, meet us at the main entrance. You got it?"

"Affirmative."

"Sonny, hold the room. Brock, Full Metal, collapse your position, meet me at the front entrance."

"Bravo 1, be advised, you have approximately ten enemy combatants converging on your position." Blackburn told them.

"Understood."

As Clay ran down he was jumped by a combatant in the hallway and he was forced to kill him in a hand to hand battle. Taking a few seconds to breathe as the adrenaline rushed his body, it had been a while since he had been that scared.

"Bravo 1, you need to move and move fast. QRF is inbound. You need to get your guys out of there."

"1, this is 4. It's getting too hot up here. I'm collapsing security to your position."

"Good copy, Bravo 4. Meet you at main entrance."

"Move it. Move! Spenser, you good?" Jason asked, seeing Clay's wild eyes as he ran out to his position.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm solid. Got contacted on my way down here. They're coming through the south entrance, must've been when we were shooting that VBIED." Clay explained.

"Yeah, they're coming through like rats." Sonny said.

"All right, look, we'll stronghold our position here until Kairos finishes nerfing those bombs, and then we'll go home."

"Bravo 1, how far out from exfil are you?"

"We're close."

"QRF? They're moving as fast as they can. Right now we're looking at five mikes out."

"If we're planning to shoot our way out of here, we're gonna need some more guns online, you know that." Clay yelled.

"Kairos, how long? I need all my shooters down here. Kairos, how long?"

"Patience is a virtue."

"Not a Texan one."

"Moment of truth." Kairos said before flipping a switch.

"That's it?" Sonny asked.

"That's it."

"Damn it, Hurt Locker, I could've flipped that switch myself. You kidding me?"

"Yup, cut her loose."

"All right, boys. Let's move. Come on."

"Bravo 1, be advised. You have two enemy technical vehicles outside the target building. We got to take out that Dishka!"

As Bravo fought their way out the team worked flawlessly together. They always did. Once they were all on the plane headed back home Mandy was on the phone yelling at someone at the CIA as Kairos walked up to Ray, "Hey."

"Hmm? What's that?" Ray asked, seeing the small piece of metal that Kairos was holding up.

"The reason we're alive."

"Thought the circuit board was part of the bomb."

"It was. This a second arduino. A fail-safe. A trap on a trap. But it's faulty. Look. One tiny wire. I've never seen anything quite like that. By any definition, a miracle, man."

"Maybe. Or maybe whoever built it got sloppy."

"Oh, come on now."

"Yeah, maybe maybe it got broke on instillation. Maybe maybe it's just dumb luck. Not everything is more than it seems, Kairos. Hey, but hey. Either way thanks."

"Yeah."

"Walking my team into a setup with a half-baked intel package just so you could put a notch on your belt? I don't give a damn about seniority, Jeff. Someone is gonna answer for this. Okay, well, I hope whoever that was deserved it. More than deserved." Mandy practically screamed into the phone, causing everyone on the plane to turn their attention to her and Jason got up and walked towards her. "Jason, I'm sorry. CIA, we...we missed something on this."

"Well, the intel wasn't totally wrong. I mean, Jenna was there, so..." Jason shrugged, they were done, it was finished and they were all headed home in one piece.

"Yeah, sitting on a bomb."

"Well, you can never really know what's around every corner, now, can you?"

"Well, look, I'm-I'm sorry."

"This isn't like you. I know that you were shaky before this whole mission started and all, but look got the job done, right? Everybody's alive. It was a good day. Easy day."

"I just..." Mandy said as her voice broke and her eyes filled with tears.

"We work together." Jason told her.

"If something would have happened..."

"We are all fine." Jason told her.

"Clay isn't fine." Mandy said, nodding towards where Clay was now laying, top of his head against Sonny's hip.

"Adrenalin crash. Not the first time." Jason shrugged, not surprised to see the kid passed out after seeing the crazed look in his eyes.

"Because he was ambushed and had to kill a man."

"We have to kill people all the time." Jason reminded her.

"Not that close."

"Kid will be fine. He's got his brother."

"Ray is not fine."

"Ray's fine."

"You're not fine."

"That has nothing to do with this opp." Jason reminded her.

"Okay well I am not fine." Mandy told him as she sat down, back against a crate and Jason sat down next to her.

"We will be." Jason said as she leaned against his shoulder.

"Doesn't feel like it."

"We will be." Jason told her again, leaning his head against hers despite feeling Blackburns eyes on him.

* * *

"So I hear they serve beer here." Jason said walking up to where Victoria sat at the diner. After their opp he knew he needed to talk to someone.

"Jason. Hey. Yeah. You missed the meeting." Victoria said with a smile.

"Oh, thank God. Last thing I want to do is sit there and..." A part of him wished he would have summoned the nerve to go into the support group instead of sitting in his truck in the parking lot or driving around the block for the last two hours.

"Thank you." Victoria said as the waiter handed her a drink.

"Can I get a beer?" Jason asked quickly before turning to her, "Well, unless you want to be alone, I can..."

"No. No, stay." Victoria quickly said, seeing he was far from okay and not wanting him to run off when he finally found the nerve to show up.

"Staying."

"Good. Good. Did you just get back from somewhere?"

"Right. Dirt under the fingernails, a little rough around the edges, huh?"

"Hmm. It's just a certain kind of tired in your eyes." Victoria smiled sadly.

"Right, you would know."

"What I hated most about, uh, when Adam would get spun up it wasn't that he was gone, it was that when he got back, he couldn't, uh he couldn't tell me about it."

"Thanks." Jason said as the waiter set down a beer. Jason looked at Victoria and started to ramble, "Let's just say, um someone made a mistake a few years ago. When she was really young. It was pretty big... Can I ask you a question?"

"Yeah." She knew where this was headed, the girls were older than Alana was when she had Emma.

"You trust your daughter...Hannah?"

"Trust her? Like with my car, or?"

"No, I mean trust her. Like, uh, with boys and drugs. In college, that whole thing?"

"They have to grow up sometime. And they have to make their own decisions and they have to make their own mistakes."

"Huh. Right."

"Emma does, too."

"Yeah, I know that. I just don't I don't know how to let her, uh I just don't know. You know?"

"I know. Yeah. I trust Hannah."

"Mm-hmm."

"I trust her because because she's still Adam's daughter. And Emma is still your daughter."

"Yeah, she is. That's what scares me."

"Why does that scare you Jason?"

"I just...with Alana...she gave up everything...because we..."

"Jason you know that Alana loved you...and never regretted any of her decisions."

"How can you be so sure?"

"We have talked to the girls about..."

"You talked to them together?"

"Alana was not shy with your love story Jason."

"I worry that Emma will give up her life like Alana had to give up hers."

"Alana didn't give up her life."

"She was..."

"Jason shut up and listen to me!" Victoria cut him off, "Alana never felt like she gave up anything."

"She is so much like her Mom."

"This about Emma and Clay or you and Alana?"

"What do you know about Emma and Clay?"

"I know that Emma loves him...and from the frequency of their conversations he feels the same way about her."

"Do you think..."

"From what I have overheard they are far from a couple."

"Should I keep them apart?"

"Do you think you should?"

"No. They have something...I just..."

"They are not you and Alana."

"When she does settle down a guy like Clay...all heart...that would be good for her...but I do not want her to be married to the teams."

"Why?"

"Too much already for her to worry now."

"She is an adult now. You can trust her."

"I am scared I will screw up."

"You won't."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I know you." She said, reaching her hand across the table and putting it on top of his.

* * *

"Hey, I didn't know you were still here." Lisa said, walking into the cages and finding Sonny.

"I figured I'd grab the last two pair of decent socks. You should order more before you leave us, Officer Lisa Davis. Not sure it's got a ring to it, one that I like anyway." Sonny snapped.

"How did?" Lisa asked shocked...and then she remembered his quick exit at her apartment, "I'm sorry. Look, I was trying to find a way to tell you."

"Telling the truth hard to figure?"

"Come on, it's not like I was lying."

"That's exactly what it was."

"No, actually, it wasn't. Look, Sonny, since we...Hey, we should talk about this." Lisa tried.

"No, we shouldn't. All right, you just got to do what you got to do, and that's leave. Truth is, you were right, it was a bad idea from the start. Okay, so, let's just keep it professional till you leave Bravo Team." Sonny said, hurt, mad, and wanting to run.

"Sonny stop!" Lisa said, fighting the tears that were filling her eyes.

"No. I am not doing this." He said, pushing past her and running out to his truck where his tears began to fall as he drove back to his empty apartment.

* * *

"You know, when I said we should have a beer, I meant a couple days ago." Ash said, surprised that Clay had called him at all.

"I got busy." Clay snapped, he already felt like it was a mistake to call the man and meet up with him.

"Hey, can we get a couple more?" Ash said to the bartender before turning to Clay, "Spin up? You all right?"

"Yeah, still breathing."

"Cheers to that." Ash said, "So my new book is about finished. We think it's gonna be bigger than the first one. I was kind of hoping maybe you would read the manuscript. You've always been good with words."

"Sure. Okay."

"I got to take this. It's my publisher." Ash said before walking away from Clay.

"Hey, can you, uh, can you turn this up?" Clay asked the bartender as he saw his father's face on the television screen.

"My next book focuses a great deal on that, and the missions. The operations that nobody knows about. You'd be surprised how often we hear of SEAL missions and we don't even know it. For example, just a couple of months ago, Shia extremists threatened to poison the water supply of Saudi Arabia, and it was the SEALs who solved that problem." He saw his Dad say.

"How do you know?" The reporter questioned.

"I have a firsthand account from a SEAL who was there." At that Clay's eyes darted to his father who smiled and pointed to the tv and Clay dropped his beer and stormed out of the bar.

"How could he?" Clay yelled into the phone, Emma barely having time to say hello. "How could he throw me under the bus like that?"

"What are you talking about?" Emma asked.

"Ash."

"What did he do?"

"His new book...interview...insinuated I told him things..."

"Classified?"

"He is supposed to be my Dad..."

"Where are you?"

"Emma how could he do that?"

"Clay where the fuck are you?"

"I don't...I am driving."

"Driving where?"

"I...fuck...I don't know." Clay mumbled and Emma put her phone on speaker and quickly tracked his phone.

Emma started to sing as she tried to figure out where he was and saw that he was only a few miles away from where her Dad was. "Clay can you take the next exit?"

"Uh...yeah, yeah I see it."

"Can you take it?"

"Mmm Hmm."

"Okay, turn right off the exit."

As Emma directed him to the diner her Dad was at she text her Dad. "Emma?"

"In the diner, pull into the diner you should see Dad." Emma told him.

"Yeah...yeah...I see his truck." Clay said, his voice breaking, "Does he know?"

"I just told him you were coming to him and he needs to bring you home."

"Ash...how could he do this to me?" Clay asked, his voice breaking.

"Baby...get out of your car...just go get in Dad's truck." Emma told him, wishing it was her picking him up, not realizing what she had called him until after it was out of her mouth.

"Kid?" Jason said, knocking on his window.

"Go with him." Emma urged.

"Uh...yeah...I..." Clay mumbled as he fumbled with the seatbelt and turning his car off.

When Clay got out of the car he could hear Emma singing to him through the phone and Jason put his hand on his shoulder and led him to the truck. Whatever happened he knew was more than just what happened on their opp. "Kid?" Jason asked and Clay looked over at him.

Emma could hear his breathing speed up and shook her head, "Baby he isn't going to be mad at you for something Ash did."

"I uh...I met Ash for a drink." Clay told Jason.

"What did he do now?" Jason asked, hating that the man held so much over Clay that the kid still felt the need to have anything to do with him.

"New book." Clay mumbled. Jason nodded and drove as quick as he could home where Emma ran out to the driveway and before the truck was even parked had opened the door and pulled Clay into her arms.

Watching Clay fall into his daughter's arms he could see the trust the two shared with each other, how his shoulders relaxed, how he held her, arms wrapped around her shoulders, head into her hair, he saw two best friends. "Take him inside." Jason told his daughter.

"Where are you going?" She asked him as she pulled back from Clay, taking his hand in hers and leading him inside.

"Calling Harrington."

"Clay, what happened on the opp?" Emma asked Clay once they were sitting on the couch.

"Nothing. It was fine."

"Don't lie to me."

"I was caught off guard. Had to...had to uh..."

"Too close?" Clay nodded and Emma asked, "Adrenalin crash?"

"Slept on the plane."

"Sonny had your back?" Emma smiled when he looked at her, "Why did you go meet Ash?"

"Didn't want to go home." Clay shrugged.

"You know you can always come here." Jason said walking into the living room after hearing Clay's answer.

"Shouldn't have to." Clay mumbled.

"Dammit Kid..." Jason mumbled, running his hand through his hair.

"Dad...he knows." Emma said, seeing Clay tense up. "He knows we have his back, but his Dad should too." Emma said as she put her arm around Clay and pulled at the hair on the back of his neck.

"I am going to go pick up Mikey." Jason said looking at his watch.

"Hannah is getting him." Emma told him.

"What?"

"I didn't know what was going on so I..."

"Don't know what we would do without you." Jason said, sitting down on the other side of Clay. "And you...you want to talk to your Dad...you call me."

* * *

 _Shorter than my usual but I wanted to get this one out before leaving on a trip! I assure you the next one will be MUCH longer! -AJ_


	27. Chapter 27

When they got spun up on their next opp Sonny was grumpier than ever-especially after he heard what their assignment was, Ray didn't seem like Ray, Jason was stuck between a rock and a hard place with Emma and her college applications and financial aid...and Clay was stuck in his own head. Add to it that the team was being split up and it would just be the four of them plus Blackburn...you could cut the tension with a knife.

There was no banter, no jokes as Sonny was forced to swim miles before voluntarily putting himself into a torpedo tube. There should have been, the jokes were endless since the mission was basically all his fears wrapped with a nice little bow. Yet none were said. The only mention of Sonny's phobias was Jason asking if he had his bracelet before they went in. The swim, silent, no way to communicate even if they wanted to. On shore...no talking, only hand signals and camera clicks before they had silently resubmerged into the dark water.

"Ah. Remind me to never do this again, huh?" Jason said as he emerged from the torpedo tube inside of the submarine.

"I'll let Captain Edwards know you don't approve of his damage lock-out chamber." Eric smirked. "I'm sure all the COs of nuclear submarines have complaint boxes posted outside their staterooms."

"Yeah. A lock-out chamber it's like a five-star hotel compared to being in that thing, that's for sure."

"Yeah. How'd it go out there?"

"It went swimmingly. Iranian cargo ship exactly where Mandy said it was supposed to be." Jason told him.

"Ah, a successful special reconnaissance in North Korea."

"Sir, tube four is depressurized and ready to unlock." The sailor told them.

"Very well, Petty Officer Takahashi. Let's get Senior Chief Perry the hell out of there."

"Aye, sir. Stand by."

"Roger that."

"Hi, Ray."

"That was unpleasant."

"I don't know about that. I mean, swimming against current? That was unpleasant." Jason said, "How you holding up?"

"I burned up my air consumption. Was down to 35 bar of O2 before I locked back in." Ray told the guys.

"Lucky for us, this sub's gonna give us a lift back to our exfil boat." Erik said.

"Can't be soon enough. Being in a sub's cramped quarters, too many dudes, it's like living in an underwater Y." Jason said, feeling slightly more upbeat after what was considered to be a successful mission.

"I'm gonna leave you in the capable hands of Petty Officer Takahashi here while I transfer these photos over to Havoc."

"How long till we get our last man out?" Jason asked.

"Five minutes, sir." The sailor told him.

"All right. Let's get Quinn and Spenser out." Erik said as he walked out.

* * *

"Let's go, Ponyboy. Get on out of there." Jason smiled as they swung open the door to where Clay was.

"Grab my rifle?" He said handing his stuff before pulling himself out.

"Yep."

"Thanks."

"Fins."

"Oh, boy. I feel like I just relived my own birth. That was really just awful." Clay said as he swung out, taking the towel that was handed to him and drying his shaggy hair.

"Yeah. I bet Sonny's miserable." Jason said.

"Oh, he's got to be losing his claustrophobic mind right about now." Ray smiled.

"Right?"

"How much longer until he comes out?" Clay asked.

"Uh, two minutes." Takahashi told them.

"Two minutes?"

"Give him a call, Clay. See how he's holding up." Jason told the youngest member of his team...of his family.

"Bravo 3, this is Bravo 6, uh, we're requesting an update of your current position." Clay smirked before setting the radio down, he figured he would get a sarcastic response right away but when he got nothing but silence Ray picked up the radio.

"Bravo 3, this is Bravo 2. Radio check. Over." Ray said into the radio, "You change locations?"

When Sonny still didn't answer Jason took the radio, "Hey, Sonny, this is Jason. I bet right about now you're regretting doing all those squats, huh? All, uh, snug as a bug in there?"

"Kiss my waterlogged Texas ass." Sonny finally answered.

"There it is." Ray smiled.

"Hey, at least there was no sharks in there, brother, right?" Clay told him.

"I'll tell you what, man, I'd rather take a swim with the man in the gray suit any day over sitting in here. I feel like I'm on the business end of a clogged toilet."

"Hey, maybe you should've let Trent take your place." Clay teased.

"This op wins the Sonny Quinn nightmare mission award. Swimming? Check. Freezing? Check. Climbing over sharp volcanic rock? That's a check. Didn't get shot at? Check. Now, last but not least, sitting in a tube that's tighter than Shamu's keister? Check." Once he got started he kept going and the guys smiled, knowing that despite being scared the man still had his sense of humor.

"You got to give it to him, man. He's a world-class complainer." Jason laughed.

"Nobody does it better." Ray smirked.

"Nuh-uh."

"Master Chief, we're ready here."

"We're ready? Hey, Sonny, we're ready. But, yeah, before we open you up, you sure you don't want to spend a little bit more time in there and do a little bit of self-reflecting?" Jason smirked, the opp had been a success and it felt good.

"I will self-reflect all over your damn face, you don't pull me out of this damn thing." Sonny yelled.

Not two seconds later it felt like an earthquake on board the sub as alarm bells started going off all around. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa." The guys all yelled as they braced themselves.

"Hey." Ray yelled.

"What's happening?" Jason asked.

"I don't know, Master Chief." Takahashi told him.

"What do you mean you don't know? Hey, I got a guy in here!" Jason yelled.

"The locking mechanism isn't working."

"What do you mean the locking mechanism isn't working? I got a guy stuck in there." Jason yelled, panicking for Sonny.

"What the hell's going on out there?" Sonny called over comms as he knocked on the tube.

"Hey, Sonny, I got some bad news. You're stuck." Jason told him.

"Right there, more..." They guys said as they tried to pull the torpedo door open.

"Come on, come on."

"The thing ain't moving, boss." Ray said after the three of them gave up yanking on the door.

"My grandninny taught me two things: never wear your dirty boots across her clean-ass floor, and never beat a joke to death. Let me out."

"Uh, it's no joke. Sonny, the submarine's powered down. The latch is stuck. Just need to sit tight."

"Yeah. Tight's about all I can do in here."

"Master Chief, something's wrong with the torpedo tube. Latch is stuck. It's not opening." Jason said when the master chief came down to where Sonny was trapped.

"Yeah, we've experienced a power surge from the reactor that somehow shorted the locking mech. Weapons is working with engineering right now." Wilke told Jason.

"Got a time frame?"

"I'm headed to control to speak with the captain and figure that out."

"You mind if I come? That's one of my men in there."

"Don't mind, but, Master Chief, we're working the problem, and getting this boat up and running takes priority over one sailor's discomfort."

"Right."

"Yeah, I'll tell you what. For once, Sonny has a right to complain. Being stuck in that tube is a whole new level of suck." Ray said after Jason left with the master chief.

"This mean we can't mess with him anymore?" Clay asked.

"Oh, hell no. Want to keep his mind occupied." Ray smiled.

As Sonny whistled the guys smiled to each other, Clay asking, "See what I mean? How do you keep that mind occupied?"

"Sonny, anything but that song, please." Ray rolled his eyes.

"Look, Dude I nearly pop that NK soldier just to keep my ears from bleeding, man?" Clay smiled.

"Only the Beatles have sold more albums than the legendary Garth Brooks. You're on the wrong side of history, boys."

"Yeah, happily so." Ray told him.

After a few minutes of silence Sonny's voice came on the radio, "Hey, fellas, it's, uh, getting a little tight in here. My skin's starting to crawl."

Clay looked at Ray before talking into the radio, "Hey, it's just like BUD/S, out there freezing in the surf, man. Focus on something else to keep your mind off it."

"Oh, yeah, I hated BUD/S." Sonny told him.

"You know, I used to make a bucket list. Things I want to do before I die." Ray suggested.

"Yeah, I, I had a bucket list." Sonny mumbled.

"Yeah? What'd you have on it?" Ray asked.

"I can't remember. I scrapped it once I found out about the SEAL Teams. Hoo-yah." Sonny told his brothers, he knew that whatever this was it wasn't good and despite what the boys all thought he very well could die. He needed Clay to know.

"Sometimes I can't tell if you are for real or just full of shit." Clay said into the radio knowing his comment was meant specifically for him.

"I wouldn't lie to you Peter Pan." Sonny's voice called through, always quick with the nicknames.

"Still think he is full of shit." Ray said to Clay.

"Hey uh...what if they can't get him out?" Clay asked.

"They will." Ray told him, seeing the fear in Clay's eyes, knowing his eyes reflected the same fears.

"How you doing Sonny?" Clay asked his brother.

"I am stuck in a tube. How the hell do you think I am?"

"What was your favorite mission you ever went on?" Clay asked him, sitting with Ray as the man rambled on. Thankful to have him distracted for the time being.

* * *

"Sir, we've run the bypass, but it's still frozen." The sailor told Bravo a few minutes later.

"Master Chief, I've run down the line of fixes for this. I'm gonna have to talk to the XO about a more aggressive solution."

"Let's just cut this thing open." Jason suggested.

"I could grind it out." Takahashi acknowledged.

"All right, I like this kid." Jason smiled.

"We need the skipper to sign off; he might want us to keep working for a solution." The master chief told him.

"Well, if we miss our exfil window, we might end up joining you for the rest of your deployment." Ray reminded him before Jason had the chance to fly off the handle.

"Grab a tool kit and a grinder and stand by for my word." He said.

"All right, Master Chief." Takahashi said, running out to grab one.

"Now we're moving, huh?"

"I'll talk to the captain about cutting your man out."

"Good, now we're getting somewhere." Jason said.

"Someone doesn't tell me what's going on out there, I'm gonna start singing." The guys heard Sonny say through the radio.

"Yeah, they're talking about doing a mechanical breach to get you out, Sonny." Clay quickly told him.

"Come on, let's go. Start cutting." Jason snapped a couple minutes later.

"I have to stand by until word comes down that I'm allowed to cut." Takahashi told him.

"You're kidding me. Rules and regulations here?" Jason groaned, he was so glad he wasn't in the regular Navy.

"Welcome back to the regular Navy." Erik rolled his eyes.

"The captain is concerned about damaging the tube and limiting our combat readiness." Master Chief Wilke told Jason as he walked back in.

"You got to be kidding me."

"It's Captain Edwards' boat. It's his call." Erik said.

"Fine, I'll just go talk to the captain myself."

"No, Master Chief, you will not. You will stay here and wait until the man that the United States Navy has given command of a billion-dollar boat to decides that he wants to talk to you, and if and when that ever happens, you will address him as a senior enlisted sailor as required to. Am I clear?" Erik ordered, using his authority over Jason, Jason knowing that he was only doing what he had to do but it pissed him off.

"Crystal." Jason mumbled.

"I will speak to Captain Edwards myself. All of you will stay here until I get back. Up ladder, make a hole." Erik told them before walking out.

"You boys there? I think I got a little bit of a problem." Sonny said.

"What is it, Sonny?" Ray asked.

"Okay, well, remember in Star Wars where Luke Skywalker and Chewie, Han Solo and Princess Leia, they jumped down that Death Star garbage chute? And th-they think it's pretty bad. Then, all of a sudden, uh, it gets worse?" Sonny explained into his radio.

"What are you getting at, Sonny?" Ray asked quickly.

With anxiety evident in his voice Sonny told them, "The tube's filling up with water. Fast."

"Shit." Jason said, quickly running after Erik.

"He has no air." Clay said, feeling the air around him heavy on his chest.

"Hopefully Blackburn can get the Captain to cut it open." Ray said, sitting down, his back against the wall.

"What did he say?" Ray asked Jason when he quickly reappeared in the room.

"To keep my ass in here."

"How much time does he have?" Clay asked.

"Depends on how fast it is filling up." Takahashi told them.

"Worst case scenario?" Ray asked.

"You said you had about 15 minutes of air left in your tank...so with the bleeds...my guess is about a half hour."

Humming a song to try and distract himself by the cold water filling the tube up around him, "Name that tune, Ken Doll."

"I'd rather drink a Yoo-hoo and ketchup smoothie than listen to that freaking noise, man." Clay told him, smiling when Sonny laughed. "How you doing in there, buddy?" He asked him, trying to hide the fear he was feeling.

As Clay looked between Jason and Clay they heard Sonny's voice over the radio, "Oh, little old me is just peachy. I've got a joke for you. Okay, you ready? How many Germans does it take to, uh screw in a light bulb? One. You know why?" Sonny asked his brothers before continuing with a German accent, "'Cause they are efficient and they don't have a sense of humor."

"That's good." Jason smiled, thankful that at this point Sonny was still laughing.

"No." Ray groaned.

"That's not very funny." Clay groaned.

"That's pretty damn funny, man." Sonny chuckled.

"At least he's still laughing." Ray shrugged, he hated having his brother trapped, not able to do a damn thing to help him.

When Master Chief Wilke walked in he smiled, "Captain Edwards has authorized the use of tools to extract Petty Officer Quinn."

"Here we go." Jason said, jumping up.

"All right. Let's cut this thing open."

"Sonny, we're cutting you out, brother." Clay quickly told Sonny, he didn't want the noise to startle him.

"Cut him out, let's go. Hurry up." Jason said, feeling as anxious as Sonny.

"Amen. Amen. I got friends in Low places..." Sonny hummed to try and keep his mind occupied.

Just as the cutting was underway the alarms started blaring again and Jason immediately started yelling when the cutting once again stopped, "Whoa, whoa, hey, hey. What'd you stop cutting for?"

"That can't be good." Ray said as Wilke was called back to the main deck.

"Oh, well, that's Hey, fellas, it's, uh, gotten awful quiet out there. Want to tell me what the hell's going on?" Sonny asked, finding it hard to breathe again.

"All right, you know what? I'm gonna find out." Jason said, jumping up and walking out.

"Blackburn warned you about stepping foot in control, brother." Ray reminded him, knowing it was futile...Jason would do anything to keep his men safe...and right now Sonny was far from safe.

"I'm sick and tired of being a passenger, Ray." Jason said before walking out of the room, Takahashi in tail, leaving Clay and Ray alone with Sonny in the tube.

* * *

"Getting quiet in there, brother. You good?" Ray asked after they hadn't heard Sonny in a few minutes, both him and Clay had sunk down to the floor as they waited for someone...anyone to come down and tell them they could cut Sonny out.

"No offense here, Perry, but I'd much rather hear the sound of the grinder than your voice."

"We're running quiet until a North Korean sub moves off." Ray told him, message straight from Takahashi, Jason did not return with him but the young man had said he wasn't far away.

"Oh, this is perfect. I survived the whole damn War on Terror, but snapping pics of some stupid boat is gonna do me in." Sonny said out loud what the rest had been thinking and it hurt to hear it.

"Stop that, brother. Can't let those thoughts creep in." Ray tried to tell him, doing all he could to keep his voice from cracking.

"Yeah. Maybe this is the Almighty getting back at me for all the bad things I've done."

"No, man, it's just it's just bad luck."

"Do your old buddy a favor there? Say a prayer for me? Help me get out of this mess?"

As Ray took a few deep breaths he finally answered Sonny when he felt Clay's eyes on him, "Yeah, sure thing, brother."

"Never did I think once, when we met, that'd I'd be asking you to pray for me. You know? I mean, nobody closed down more bars, crushed more skulls than Ray Perry back in the day."

"Yeah, well, howling at the moon is in my rearview. You know, Naima made damn sure of that." Ray smiled, remembering how he was when he had first met Sonny.

"Yeah, truth is, though, Ray, I...I always admired that. You know, the ability to balance operating, and a happy home life. Just don't see that in me." Sonny said, and as Ray looked over at Clay he could see the kid fighting back his emotion as Sonny's jokes turned serious.

"Sure you do, brother. You just haven't found that right person to help you realize it." Ray said, looking at Clay as he said it.

* * *

"Just got an update from Blackburn." Mandy told Lisa as she walked into the kitchen.

"Yeah?"

"There's a North Korean sub patrolling in the area."

"So they can't extract Sonny until the enemy sub is out of range."

"That's not all."

"What?"

"Water's now leaking into the tube from the outer hatch, which is also stuck. Sonny is gonna be in big trouble if they can't get to him soon."

"He'll be fine. Jason and the boys are gonna work the problem." Lisa said, sitting down and focusing on her breathing, trying not to give away just how close her and Sonny had become.

After Mandy walked out Lisa pulled out her phone and read through all of the texts between her and Sonny over the last couple of months...the texts that abruptly stopped after he had found her paperwork for OCS.

* * *

As Jason stood with Blackburn the sailors were updating the Captain on the enemy boat. "Master One Romeo submarine. Bearing three-four-zero. 14,000 yards and opening."

"Enemy boat's almost out of range, Captain. Permission to continue extracting our guest." Wilke requested from the Captain.

"They're changing course too often to take the chance. Silent running will remain in place until they're beyond the counter detection range."

"Captain's gonna get Sonny killed." Jason mumbled, loud enough for everyone to hear.

"Yeah, well, he's got bigger issues." Erik told him.

"We got to work the problem." Jason snapped, that was what he did...work the problem. He hated sitting around and doing nothing, especially when one of his guys was in trouble.

"There's nothing to work. This is not our place."

"Hell there isn't." Jason said before stepping toward the Captain, "Sir, one of my men may drown in your torpedo tube, and you're more concerned about doing things by the book than saving him?"

"You're out of line, Jason." Erik told him.

"Chief of the Boat feels the sub is far enough away so we can start cutting again."

"Master Chief Wilke, unless Master Chief Hayes leaves the control room immediately, I want him cuffed, forcibly removed, and detained until further notice."

"Aye, aye, Captain." Wilke said, not moving.

"You're no good to Sonny in confinement, Jason." Erik told his Master Chief, a man he trusted with his life, he knew what the Captain's orders meant for Sonny...for Bravo.

"I'll get out of your way, sir." Jason said before turning to walk out of the control room.

"So you know, I admire your dedication, but the chain of command exists for many reasons. One reason: the hardest decision an officer can make is to sacrifice a life to preserve the greater good. But when faced with such a choice, things must be done by the book to remove emotion from the equation. Because as you well know, emotion clouds judgment." The Captain told Jason.

"I understand, sir." Jason said, eyes glistening knowing that the Captain was willing to give up Sonny's life to save the sub...he knew it was the decision that would have to be made if it came down to it, but that didn't mean he had to like it.

* * *

"Fuck." Clay mumbled, it had been quiet for too long and he got up and started digging through Sonny's things.

"Whatcha doin' Brother?" Ray asked and Clay pulled out Sonny's old hat. "Hey, things are looking up, Sonny. Clay's got your lucky hat." Ray told him as Clay hung it up on the door to the torpedo tube.

"I'll wear an Oklahoma hat for the rest of my days, you get me out of here." Sonny told them and Clay and Ray both smiled, smiles quickly fading when they saw Jason come into the room, head down and running his hand through his hair.

"Any news?" Clay asked even though he already knew the answer just looking at his Master Chief.

"Nothing good." Jason told him, wanting nothing more than to be back at home, safe with his family.

"Hey. I think now would be a good time for Sonny to hear from his team leader." Ray said, walking towards Jason handing over the radio.

"You all right, Sonny?" Jason asked, Sonny knew him well enough to read his voice and he knew he was not going to be able to hide his fear.

"I'm feeling better now that Batman's shown up. You, uh you gonna save my ass like you always do, Jace?"

"Yeah. Gonna get you out of here real soon. And we're gonna be laughing about this over beers."

"Oh, yeah, sounds good. Some tequila, cervezas, chips, and guacamole. Maybe a little repeat performance of Vegas with that little spider monkey."

"Yeah, that's for sure, huh? I remember that night. Maxed out your government credit cards on lappers. Still don't know how you managed not to get kicked out of the Navy. You got nine lives, brother."

"Yeah. Yeah, I just I'm hoping they didn't run out."

"Hey, don't worry about it. We're gonna get you out soon."

"Hey, Jace?"

"Yeah, I'm here, Sonny." Jason said as he put his face in his arm, wanting to punch something.

"You got to hurry, buddy. Please, man, I'm...I'm scared."

"They are working the problem." Jason said before setting the radio down and walking out of the room. He couldn't breathe in there.

* * *

Jason was only out for a couple minutes before coming back in and standing behind Clay. "Look, how are we supposed to solve a problem they won't even let us fix?"

"It's against everything we do, man. Hurry up and wait." Ray said, leaning on the stack of torpedos on the side.

"A thousand ways to die in our line of work, and the only one I'm afraid of is drowning. It's gonna be a horrible way to go." Sonny said through the radio.

"Can't let him talk like that. Keep him upbeat. Talk to him." Jason told them, he couldn't do it...Sonny knew him too well.

"Drowning? Sonny, come on, man. Thought that, uh, thought sharks were at the top of that list."

"I'd love to see a shark right now. Means I'd be the hell out of here."

"Look, man, I think You know, we got some positive stuff to take away from this, right? I mean, maybe this is gonna, maybe this is gonna rid you of your fear of sharks and water and, you know, all that stuff."

"Sharks, yeah. Not water." Sonny said, moving around trying to get his head further out of the water. "The tube's the tube's about half full of water. I'm gonna have to go to my Draeger soon. I'm hunting for air right now."

"Hey, easy, easy, brother, okay? Just calm down, all right? Stay calm." Clay said, looking at Jason as he started to breathe quickly, panicking.

"Listen to me, boys, I need you I need you to get me out of here, Clay. Okay? I can't breathe. Get me out." Sonny said, panicking. "Get me Get me out of here! Get me out of here! Get me out of here! Aah!" Clay put his hand over his mouth as he blinked away the tears. Feeling Jason behind him as the man squeezed his shoulder to the point of it hurting.

"Like, how much air do you think he has in his rebreather?" Clay asked.

"I checked my gauge earlier. I had 30 bars, say, ten minutes." Ray told him.

"How much distance do we need between us and the NK sub until we can start cutting?" Clay asked.

"It's about eight nautical miles." Jason answered.

This boat goes 55 knots. Even if we had full power right now, it's gonna be at least 15 minutes before we get clear." Ray said. Not enough time. They all knew it.

"Hey, S-Sonny? I need I need you just to stay calm with me, okay? Hear me out here for a minute, brother. All right." Clay said, trying to keep the panic from his voice.

"I need you to tell me how much time you think you have until that tube fills up."

"I reckon I'm gonna go Scuba Steve in about five." Sonny told them.

"He's only got 15 minutes of oxygen left. He's not gonna make it." Clay said.

"I got to open this up." Jason said, losing all rational thinking and yanking at the torpedo door.

"Brother, that's not gonna work."

"Help me get him out!"

"That ain't gonna work."

"I know, I heard you." Jason yelled as he yanked on the stuck handle, "He-Help me open it up."

"Hey! Jason!"

"Help me get him out."

"It won't budge."

"I don't care."

"It's not gonna budge! Stop! Jace."

"Jace, we got, we got our weapons, man. Right?" Clay said standing up, he had to do something...anything to get Sonny out.

"We got our weapons. Yeah. You know what?"

"We got our weapons."

"Here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna get the grinder, barricade that door, we're gonna cut him out. That's what we're gonna do." Jason repeated.

"Better to ask forgiveness than permission?" Ray asked.

"Master Chief, what you're proposing is mutiny. A crime punishable by death, even for special operators. Now, I know you're willing to sacrifice your own lives, but you turn that grinder on, and you'll be endangering the lives of every man on this boat. Enemy sub is getting closer. We maintain silent running." Wilke said walking into the torpedo room.

"Master Chief, there has got to be something we can do." Ray said, walking towards Wilke.

"You can pray that that North Korean sub doesn't detect us. That's about all we can do."

"What's going on out there, folks?" Sonny asked.

"We're going quiet, Sonny. Need you to stay quiet in there, all right, man? Hold fast, brother." Clay said as he turned away from Jason leaning against the torpedo door, silently crying.

"Roger that. Roger that." Sonny said, he knew this was it. That he was going to die in that tube. Hearing the resignation in his voice, Clay couldn't help but allow his tears to fall.

Jason walked out into the hallway, he couldn't break in front of his boys, not now...not like this, not with a North Korean sub moving directly over them. As Ray sat praying silently Clay stayed as close to the tube as he could, he needed to be close to Sonny.

* * *

"Washington comms are down." Lisa said.

"The enemy sub must be right on top of 'em. They won't find the Washington." Harrington said.

"But Sonny's still stuck until the Korean sub's cleared them." Lisa reminded him.

"They'll get him out. I know they will." Mandy said, praying if she said it enough times it would be true.

* * *

"The enemy sub seems like it's moving away, but we're still rigged for ultra quiet." Takahashi told Ray walking back into the torpedo room.

"Still no cutting?" Clay asked and the sailor nodded.

"I'm gonna go find Jason." Ray said, knowing he needed to keep a level head, to be the gravity that was going to keep Jason and Clay from going into orbit. "This way, right? Show me." Ray said to the sailor, leaving Clay alone with Sonny. He knew of all of them he needed the time to talk to his best friend.

"You still there, Sonny?" Clay asked, picking up the radio.

"Yeah. I ain't pickled yet, but...but it's getting close. If this is the end of game for me I wouldn't change a damn thing, Clay. Joining the Teams was the best decision... was the best decision I ever made. Best best decision you ever made, too." He said, straining to keep his head above the water.

"Hasn't really felt that way recently, man." Clay told him, and Sonny knew that Clay was alone in the lockout chamber for him to be talking that way.

"I wouldn't trade one second one second of being on the Teams. This is the life I chose. It's the life you chose. It's who we are." Sonny said, his voice breaking, "And don't you ever doubt that, Clay."

"Sonny...I...Brother I..." Clay wanted to tell him he loved him...because he did...but saying it meant that he really was going to die and he just wasn't able to say it.

"Why do you have to go all mushy there on me Bam Bam?" Sonny asked, his voice breaking. "Damn Jason for telling me to look out for you."

"Not right Man." Clay said, putting his head down against his knees. "Not right."

"My number is up. Plain and simple." Sonny said, surrendering to the fact that he would never see the light of day again.

* * *

"Tube's almost filled up." Ray told Jason when he found him just around the corner, crouched down to the side.

"Ray, man. It's not making sense to me. None of this is. I...You know, I lost men in combat, I lost brothers. It's just can't wrap my head around this. Not making sense."

"It's the perfect storm of awful luck, brother."

"Sonny doesn't deserve this."

"No, he doesn't. And right now he needs us. Come on. Let's go." Ray said, reaching out and helping Jason up. He could see Jason struggling, the man had been through too much and he couldn't handle another loss...none of them could.

* * *

"Tube's almost full." Sonny said through the radio gasping for air as Jason, Ray and Erik walked into the room seeing Clay with tears in his eyes.

"How the hell are we supposed to say goodbye?" Clay asked them, wiping the tears from his eye as Jason took the radio from his hand.

As he leaned against a torpedo Jason spoke into the radio, "Hey, Sonny."

"Hey, Jason." Sonny said, knowing this was it, it was time to say his goodbyes. He had always pictured himself going out in a blaze of glory being blown to a million pieces or shot...never in a million years would he have pictured this.

"Look, Sonny, I Sonny, I'm real sorry I got you in this mess, man, I just..." He didn't know what to say, Sonny had been one of his brothers for half of his life.

"You're carrying a heavy load already, Jason. Don't saddle yourself with the guilt from this. My number was up, plain and simple."

"It's just..."

"Uh Listen to me, Jason." Sonny said and Jason leaned his head back against the torpedo, "I would've been dead years ago if it were not for you. Operating alongside you is the greatest honor of my life." Sonny said, crying and Jason held the radio up to his head before leaning his face into his arm as he tried not to break down.

"I'm gonna see you soon, Sonny, all right? I'm gonna see you real soon." He quickly told Sonny before handing the radio to Ray's awaiting hand as Erik leaned against the wall next to his men, all of them hating to hear Sonny's sobs.

"Hey, there, Sonny boy."

"Ray. Do me a favor and give, uh, give them beau-beautiful kids give 'em a big hug from me, tell...tell 'em their Uncle Sonny loves 'em."

"You're gonna do it yourself, brother." Ray said tears slipping down his cheeks, wiping his eye with his hand.

"You and, uh, Naima, you always treated me like family, and, uh you have no idea that that meant the world to me." As Sonny said goodbye Clay looked around at his family, seeing them with tears in their eyes, on their faces, when he saw Jason trying to hide his face he got angry and felt the tears falling from his eyes.

"Damn it, Sonny." Ray mumbled before saying into the radio, "You are family, brother. And, um I love you."

When Ray handed Clay the radio he leaned against the stuck door of the tube and took a few deep breaths, "Hey, I, uh, you know, I've been thinking, m-maybe you were right. You were right about my leg pouch back in J-Bad last year." It had been the first time Sonny had really tried to look out for the kid and Clay had tried to shut him down back then, thinking he had been right doing things his way...but it was Sonny...Sonny's way that had allowed him to grow.

"Look at that. It's about t-time that the Blond Jesus realizes he's not perfect." he said laughing and crying.

"Hey, Sonny, uh..." Clay cried, words not coming as he fought to hold back his tears, he couldn't bring himself to say it. It couldn't be real. None of this could be.

"Yeah, Clay. Same here, Little Buddy." Sonny said as Clay pulled the hair on the back of his head as he struggled to breathe. "Uh I need you guys to do me a favor and, uh t-tell tell Lisa I'm sorry. Just, just tell her I'm sorry." He cried. "That's it from me, boys. I love you. I love you, brothers. It's time to shine. Hoo-yah." He said before going silent and they knew he put the regulator back in his mouth and slipped beneath the water.

"He's got five minutes. You know? He's got five minutes." Jason said, choking on his words.

Jason took a deep breathe and began pacing back and forth like a caged animal trying to work the problem in his head, trying to come up with any possible scenario where Sonny didn't die.

"One minute down." Ray told the guys.

"There's got to be something we're not thinking about here, something we're missing." Jason said.

"Jason, I am all out of answers. I've never seen anything like this in my life." Erik said, fighting to hold it together for his men.

"No, no, no, no. Prioritize and execute. Prioritize and execute." Jason repeated.

"Jace, there's nothing to prioritize 'cause there's nothing inside here we can execute on." Ray said.

"There's nothing we have control over. Not the Washington, not the enemy sub, not the tube. We can't affect a damn thing." Erik said.

"You're right. There's nothing we can affect in here, but there's something we can affect outside the boat." Jason said as he walked out. "Follow me."

"Jace, where are you going?" Erik asked, already knowing the answer.

"Control room." Jason said.

"Spencer, stick with Sonny. Let him know you're with him." Ray said before following the two up to the control room.

"Brother hold on...Jace has a plan...he uh...We are going to get you out of there Brother. Jason will do it...he has to." Clay said.

* * *

"Master Chief, what are you doing?"

"Sir, what happens if the enemy sub bugs out?" Jason asked.

"COB, remove these men from control, confine them to quarters, and notify me if they refuse to comply."

"Captain Edwards, this is your command, we understand that, but Master Chief has a plan that could work." Erik said.

"Sir, our propulsion system reboot is two minutes. Once that happens, we can evade or engage the enemy, but until then we've got nothing to do but wait."

"You have a minute and a half, Master Chief. Go."

* * *

"You want us to do what?" Mandy asked when Eric spoke through the broken comms.

"I say again, request that the asset ship track the following coordinate at full speed: latitude 37. 559 degrees, longitude 124. 508 degrees. Has to happen now."

"Bravo Actual, that puts our asset into territorial waters. They're gonna pop up on North Korean radar." Mandy told Erik.

"That's affirmative, Havoc." Erik said.

"He's gonna use the Ang Paggising as a decoy, pull the enemy submarine away from the Washington." Lisa said.

"Can that even work?" Mandy asked.

"It may. North Korean radar is comprehensive. If a vessel penetrates that perimeter, it should elicit a response. If the enemy sub is the closest ship that's able to respond, which it more than likely is, just might work. Question is, can we make it happen?" Harrington asked.

"If we can get ahold of them in time, we can." Mandy said, too nervous to breathe.

"Tell them we're on it. Davis, send the coordinates to that vessel ASAP." Harrington said.

"On it, sir." Lisa said.

"Come on Quinn...just a little bit longer Buddy." Harrington mumbled as he watched the clock tick down.

As she watched the clock and the radar she felt herself losing the ability to breathe and when the clock ran out on Sonny she ran out into the hallway, collapsing onto the floor.

* * *

"What the hell now?" Clay asked as Takahashi came running back in with the grinder, the time was up.

"Master Chief Wilke just told us to stand by to cut."

"Hey, Sonny, I know we're cutting this thing close, man. We're gonna try and breach this thing and get you out, okay, brother? Stand by, all right? Just stay with me, okay? Stay with me." Clay begged Sonny through the radio.

* * *

"Sir, the propulsion system is back online."

"Maintain ultraquiet."

"Sonny's got less than a minute of air left." Jason said in the control room.

"Sir, Master One's bearing is changing. She's moving. It's working. In what direction, Chief?"

"Towards the trawler, sir."

"Secure from ultraquiet. Helm, make your heading three-one-seven. All-head flank. Let's get some distance between us and them. And cut that man out of my torpedo tube right the hell now." Captain Edwards said and Erik, Jason and Ray took off running back to the torpedo room.

* * *

"Almost there!" Takahashi yelled as he pushed the grinder into the stuck latch.

"Move! Cut it open! Come on, come on. Go, let's go." They guys all yelled until Takahashi had cut through the latch and the door popped open, water flooding the room as metal clattered to the ground and Sonny slid out.

"You got him?"

"I got him. I got him."

"Turn him, come on, turn around."

"Put him down."

"Come on, come on. Got to get his kit off."

"Sonny, come on."

"Help me get his kit off." Ray said, the group of men all finding something to do.

"Give me some room. Move."

"He's not breathing." Jason said. "Give him the Ambu-bag."

"No pulse."

"Grab the defibrillator."

"Come on, Sonny. Come on, Sonny."

"Give me the shears."

"Come on, Sonny. Come on, buddy." Jason begged.

"Shears."

"Come on, give me something, buddy. Come on."

"Cut him open. Cut him. Come on. Come on. Come on, buddy."

"Cut him open. Hurry."

"Let's go. Come on."

"All right. All right, everybody back off."

As the defibrillator went the men stood back silend, "Analyzing now. Stand clear." The machine said before shocking him, "No pulse. Clear."

"Damn it. Hit him again." Jason said, not breathing.

"No pulse."

"Hit him, all right, hit him."

"Clear. No pulse. Clear." The machine shocked him again and again until finally Sonny coughed and opened his eyes.

"All right."

"Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Easy. All right, we got him." Jason said when Sonny spit up water and gulped for air.

"Pulse. No shock advised." The machine said and the guys all took a deep breath in. Sonny was alive.

"All right, it's good. Let's get him on the spine board. Turn him. Turn."

"Down. Down, down. Down." Jason said.

"We need to get him to the wardroom."

"Help me lift him." A sailor said.

"We've got him. We got him. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. We got him. He's our guy." Jason told him and Wilke nodded, "On me, ready? Three, two, one." As Eric, Jason and Ray lifted him, Sonny gasping for air Clay dropped back, Takahashi watching as he grabbed Sonny's hat from the floor. As he stared into the empty tube he swung the door closed before dropping to his knees holding Sonny's hat tightly to his chest.

"You can go be with them in the ward room." Takahashi said, walking over to Clay and putting his hand on the SEAL's shoulder. "Go be with your brothers."

"Yeah...I uh...I just need..." Clay said, thankful that the petty officer didn't question his reaction. The first person he thought to call was Emma...then Stella...his best friend had just been brought back from the dead in front of his eyes. Jason had found a way. He had found a way to save his best friend. He did the impossible and found a way to save Sonny.

* * *

"Hey Kid." Jason said a couple minutes later, walking back into the torpedo room. When Clay looked up Jason smiled, "Sonny's asking for you."

"Me?" Clay asked.

"Bam Bam...where's Bam Bam?" Jason smiled, "His words."

"He's okay?" Clay asked Jason as he took the mans hand as he pulled him up.

"Yeah Kid...he's okay."

"He was dead." Clay said in disbelief.

"He was."

"You brought him back from the dead." Clay said, looking into Jason's eyes.

"Come on." Jason said as he pulled Clay into his side, "He isn't doing good, but he is alive." Jason told him as he pulled him over and kissed the top of his head. "Gonna need you to call her when we get off this damn thing."

"Who?"

"Don't tell me you weren't thinking about Emma." Jason smiled, tossling Clay's hair, still a little weird that his daughter and his man were best friends. "I saw you pulling your hair, she does that to relax you." He shrugged.

"Sonny's really going to be okay?" Clay asked, standing up straighter.

"Come on Bam Bam." Jason smiled, using Sonny's nickname.

* * *

Jason pushed Clay into the wardroom and Ray stepped back, allowing Clay to sit right next to Sonny who was still gasping for air and did not at all look okay...but he was alive. Turning to Clay he reached out his hand. "Bam...Bam..." He gasped.

"Love you Brother." Clay said as he took Sonny's hand in his, leaning his head forward as he held Sonny's hand to his forehead.

"Got...you." Sonny said.

"I got you Brother...shut up and breathe would you." Clay smiled. "When, uh, when can we exfil?"

"Twenty minutes. Petty Officer Takahashi is gathering our things and we will be to the troller shortly. Boat to international waters and then helo to Japan." Erik said, appearing from nowhere.

"Hospital or home?" Jason asked.

"He will go to the hospital at home." Erik told him.

"As long as he has oxygen for the flight he should be okay. Heart rate, pulse and bp are all normal." The subs medic told them.

"Nine lives Brother." Jason smiled. "Let's go home."

* * *

Clay did not leave Sonny's side as they were lifted to the boat, taken up in the helo and even stuck with him as they boarded the plane. "Call her." Jason said, handing the kid a sat phone as he sat down next to Sonny's head. "Have her talk to Davis." Jason knew that if he called to tell her he would break down and she would ask about the kid so it may have been a cop out on his end but she needed to know and if he could help Clay in the process then it was the way to go.

"Now?" Clay asked.

"Needs to come from us-Sonny is okay. Tell her. She'll believe you."

"Thought Blackburn updated Havoc?"

"He did. Emma is not Havoc. If you were there who would you need to hear it from?" Jason said, struggling to hold it together as his hand rest on Sonny's chest so he could feel the man breathing.

"I just...I don't want to leave..." Clay mumbled.

"Do it here then." Jason said, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath in.

"Don't you want to call her?" Clay asked.

"Please Clay." Jason said, meeting Clay's eyes for the first time.

"Sonny?" Clay asked and Sonny turned his head towards his voice but did not open his eyes or speak, he hadn't since he first saw him in the ward room.

"I will be right here." Jason told him. "Emma needs to know before she hears chatter."

* * *

Clay got up and moved a few feet away, far enough that he they wouldn't be able to hear the conversation, but close enough to still see Sonny. "Hello?" Emma answered her phone on the first ring. She recognized it as a sat phone number and knew if she was getting a call something went sideways.

"Emm?" Clay asked.

"Who?" Emma asked, immediately something was wrong.

"Everyone's alive." Clay quickly told her.

"What happened?"

"Sonny...he uh...he died...but now he is...Doc says he is going to be okay."

"What happened?"

"Drowned."

"Where?"

"Torpedo Tube."

"What?"

"I can't Emma..."

"When will you be home?"

"Fourteen hours."

"I will be there." She told him as she text Lisa, if anyone could get her on base it would be her.

"Hey uh..."

"What do you need?"

"Davis...she uh...Sonny wants her to know he is sorry."

"Okay." Emma told him. "What do you need?" She repeated. She could hear in his voice that he was far from okay but from the other side of the globe there wasn't much of anything she could do...they were alive...she had to focus on that. Far from okay, but alive.

"I...uh..." Clay stumbled for words, he already felt better hearing her voice.

" _Hands, put your empty hands in mine. And scars, show me all the scars you hide. And hey, if your wings are broken please take mine so yours can open too..._ " Emma started to sing Rachel Platten's song and Clay felt himself sink down on the floor of the plane as he listened, feeling nothing but peace in her voice. "Clay?" Emma whispered when she finished the song, looking at the text from Lisa telling her to call she wanted to make sure they were okay so she could talk to him.

"I'm here." He whispered back.

"I will call Lisa. You give my Dad and Sonny a hug for me...and hurry up and come home...and by home I mean here...you know what...I will just meet you on base, none of you should be driving." Emma said, "Fourteen hours."

"Trent is going to make him go to the hospital."

"I will be on base. Will take you to the hospital myself, I will also let Naima know y'all are going to be headed there. Sonny isn't good at being a patient."

"Emma?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you." He said before hanging up the phone and walking back towards Sonny and Jason. "She is going to talk to Davis and Naima." Clay said, sitting down on the straps next to Jason .

"Thanks Kid" Jason mumbled, seeing him look to Sonny he pulled him over so he was leaning into his side, there was no way that it was comfortable, but being close...that mattered more than comfort.

"She knew something happened." Clay told him.

"You called her from a SAT phone...of course she knew something happened."

"He died...like literally heart stopped, not breathing dead." Clay said, laying down on his side, not even hesitating as he put his head on Jason's lap as he stretched his arm over to sit on Sonny's chest and Sonny turned his head so his cheek was against his arm.

"We got him back." Jason said, running his hand through Clay's shaggy hair. "We got him back, Kid."

"You did." Clay said before closing his eyes and focusing on feeling the rise of Sonny's chest and he breathed.

* * *

Erik and Ray joined the three in the back of the plane after they had updated Havoc and sat down near Jason. "Hell of a day Boys." Erik said quietly with a sad smile. "Hell of a day."

"He asleep?" Ray asked, looking between Clay and Sonny.

"Kid yes. Sonny is in and out. Hasn't opened his eyes or tried to talk but when he put his arm over Sonny leaned against him." Jason affirmed.

"Those two...their connection is something else." Erik smiled. "Reminds me of the two of you."

"If we lost him today...really lost him...we would be done." Jason told Eric.

"Bravo is off rotation until Sonny is cleared for your deployment." Eric told Jason, expecting an argument.

"That isn't for a couple months." Ray said.

"I am aware." Eric told him. "You will be training the new green team. Start to finish. They arrive in three days."

"Okay." Jason said, looking down at Clay as he brushed his hair out of his face.

"Okay?" Eric asked.

"Jay?" Ray asked, looking at his best friend, not the response either was expecting from the Master Chief.

"You hate teaching." Erik said, surprised that he didn't have to convince Jason.

"What I hate...what I hate is losing people I love." Jason said, looking over at his commander before looking at his best friend. "Sonny died today...so teaching...not being split up while he is recovering...I can deal with that. Being close to my kids...to my daughter before she graduates...I can deal with that. Losing anyone else..." Jason said, shaking his head and leaning back and closing his eyes. "I just want to be home. Have Trent look at Sonny and tell me he is going to be okay. Hug my Kids. Hold them close. That is what I want to do." He said as he held Clay's shoulder so the kid was a little closer to him.

"The relationship you have cultivated with your men, with your CIA liaison, and with your support staff...Jason it is unlike anything anyone has ever seen. I do not know if you can teach it, but maybe if they see it...this...this level of trust...of openness...maybe we can change the environment."

"You want me to teach the guys how I love my family?" Jason asked, raising his eyebrow, looking at Eric like he had lost his mind.

"You consider Clay one of your kids." Eric pointed out.

Jason looked up at Ray and saw Ray give a little nod, they all knew he did. "He is the first one I have had young enough to actually be one of my kids."

"Harrington sees you the same way you see Clay." Eric told him. "Team back home was quite emotional...when we lost Echo team...Jason you have made Bravo team into something." Eric said, shaking his head, unable to even come up with a word to describe them.

"Harrington say how Davis is?"

"Asked how close they are."

"And?"

"I reminded him that they came up together and left it at that."

"Is he really going to be okay?" Jason asked looking at Sonny whose lips were still blue as he was trying to fight the tears in his eyes.

"Shock worked. Didn't have to break any ribs doing CPR, he can clear the pneumonia and should be able to come back without missing a step." Eric said, repeating what the sub's doctor had told them.

"He was dead for at least three minutes." Jason said. "What if...?"

"Jay he asked for Bam Bam...don't think we have to worry about any cognitive deficits." Ray said.

"Look at you with the big words." Jason smiled.

"One of us had to pay attention to what the doc was saying." Ray crossed his arms.

"That right there Ray Perry is why you are my number 2."

"Kid is going to lead his own team some day." Ray said, looking at Blackburn who nodded.

"You boys should get some sleep, been a long day." Eric said as he stood up.

Jason nodded and handed the sat phone to Eric, "Emma is meeting us on base and will take us to the hospital. Make sure Trent is standing by to ride with him."

After Eric took the phone and walked away Ray turned to Jasonas he quietly told him, "Emma is going to call Davis and Naima."

"What did you tell her?"

"Kid. Not me. Said Sonny drowned in a torpedo tube and we brought him back."

"That's it?"

"Pretty sure she was singing to get him to relax but I could only hear what he was saying." Jason shrugged, "I told him to tell her to talk to Davis...so she heard from us that Sonny was going to be okay. Emma said she was going to give Naima a heads up so she can be there when he comes in."

"So he crash out or...?" Ray asked, knowing how adrenalin affected Clay.

"Just sleeping. Aren't you tired?"

"I guess. Just want to be home. Can't get the image of him on the ground being shocked out of my head." Ray told Jason as he looked at Sonny's still form.

"Yeah...felt helpless in there."

"And you still found a way...rest of us gave up but you found a way."

"We couldn't lose Sonny. The Kid...not after losing his team...we couldn't lose Sonny."

"Bat...man." Sonny mumbled, opening his eyes and looking up at Jason. "Love."

"Love you too Brother." Jason said reaching forward and squeezing Sonny's shoulder.

* * *

When Eric came to the back of the plane to tell them they were coming in for a landing twelve hours later he found them asleep. "Jace." Eric said quietly as he sat down next to the man he saw Ray's eyes open and look towards him. "Landing in ten."

"Okay." Jason said quietly, looking over to see Ray looking back at him, Clay was still out, his arm stretched over Sonny's chest. "Hey Bud." Jason said, squeezing his shoulder, "Getting ready to land."

"I can stay with him, right?" Clay asked as he sat up.

"Trent is going to ride with him in the ambo. Emma will take us to the hospital." Jason told him.

"Harrington said that Davis has Emma and they were waiting for you just off the landing strip." Eric told them.

"They let her that far in?" Jason asked, he figured that she would be waiting for them at their usual pickup spot.

"Harrington authorized it." Eric shrugged. "Something about making sure you three didn't do anything stupid."

"But he...Sonny will be okay?" Clay asked anxiously as he wiped the sleep out of his eyes.

It was strange to see Sonny so still, and they hadn't given him anything to sedate him because they were scared it would slow down his already overworking lungs.

"I am going to go see my kids. Call me with any updates." Ray said, "Naima is already going to be pissed you four are crowding Sonny's room."

"I have to meet with Harrington. You will call me with updates every thirty minutes until I say otherwise." Erik told them before squeezing Sonny's arm. "Depending on what they find we may do the AAR at the hospital."

* * *

As soon as they landed the team of medics that Trent had put together rushed the plane and whisked Sonny away. The other four made their way slowly down the ramp where they quickly saw Emma and Davis holding each others hands, leaning against Jason's truck. Emma ran to her Dad as Davis ran to Clay. Clay quickly finding himself holding Lisa's weight as she cried into his chest. "He said to tell you he was sorry...before...he wanted to know he was sorry." Clay told her.

"Is he really okay?" They rushed him off so fast I couldn't even see him." Lisa asked him.

"I think so." Clay told her.

"Sonny asked for Bam Bam when he didn't see the Kid." Jason smiled, turning around to face the two.

"Let's get to the hospital then." Emma smiled, trading places with Davis and hugging herself tight to Clay. "Got you. You know that right?" She told him as she pulled him to the truck. As she climbed into the driver seat Clay climbed in behind her, Jason in the front and Davis behind him. "They coming too?"

"No. I will keep them updated." Jason said.

"Bam Bam?" Lisa asked with a smile.

"Depending on the connotation Sonny has several different names for Clay." Emma smirked, "Little Buddy I have heard the most...especially when he is being protective, Peter Pan, Tinkerbell, Blondie, Ken Doll, Goldie Locks..." Emma started listing.

"Romeo, Captain America, Chucklehead, Fabio..." Lisa laughed.

"Coppertone, Blondezilla..." Jason smiled, "Only uses nicknames for you."

"Called you Batman." Clay reminded the man.

"Called you Little Buddy when he..." Jason said, turning around to look at Clay.

"I know what he called me." Clay said quietly.

"He is going to be okay." Jason turned around to tell Clay again.

"What happened?" Emma asked.

"He drowned." Jason said.

"In a torpedo tube." Emma said, "What happened?"

"Latch wouldn't open." He told her.

"Clearly." Emma rolled her eyes. "Why couldn't you just cut him out?"

"Not my boat."

"Dad."

"What different does it make Emma?"

"To you guys...it makes a difference...and I love you and want to be here for you and I do not know how if I do not know what happened."

"Recon for Mandy. Sub was their transportation. Only way in and out without being noticed..." Lisa started, having heard Harrington already tell her everything except the where.

"Torpedo tube was the way on." Emma said, "But what happened?"

"His door got stuck. Then...then it started filling up."

"And you couldn't cut it open because an enemy boat was too close." Emma said, turning around to look at his daughter, surprised she knew as much as she did because she did not get that from Clay.

"We had to say bye." Clay said, barely above a whisper. "Then he died." When Clay pulled out Sonny's hat from his back pocket Davis looked at him.

"How did you get that?" Lisa asked.

"What?" Jason asked turning around and seeing the disgusting orange hat.

"It was in his bag." Clay said as he leaned forward, head resting against Emma's seat. Emma saw Lisa reach across and put her hand on Clay's back and took a deep breath before reaching over and taking her Dad's hand.

"Whatever happened on that sub...having to say goodbye...feeling helpless...total mindfuck...I love you guys and if you shut me out I may kill you all myself." Emma told them as she turned into the parking lot. "And Harrington approved me to go anywhere you go and for you to talk freely...Just so you know."

"That so?" Jason smiled at his daughter, "Harrington said that?"

"He did Boss. Was there with him." Lisa said, "Apparently getting a phone call from the daughter of a Master Chief telling me that a certain Petty Officer was going to be okay qualifies her."

* * *

Ten minutes later they were pushed, by Naima into a private waiting area just outside of the ED. "Why can't we go see him?" Jason yelled for the upteenth time.

"I told you Trent was taking him to run tests."

"Is he awake?"

"No."

"And you are just okay with that?" Jason yelled, the Sonny he knew was always on alert in a hospital.

"Jason sit down and shut up!" Naima yelled and Emma snickered. "Sonny died." She said, sitting down next to him. "I know you are scared and you are used to doing things your way...but this...bringing someone back from the dead...let the doctors work. Trent is with him and knows his medical history backwards and forwards."

"Can we just see him for a minute?" Jason asked, before looking at Clay whose leg was bouncing with anxiety. When Emma met eyes with her Dad she got out of her chair and sat down on Clay's lap, quickly wrapping her arm around his back as he put his head against her shoulder.

"When Trent says you can I will come and get you myself." Naima said, "Now keep your asses here or I will lock you in."

"Thanks Naima." Emma said before she walked out. "Can't you just call Trent?" She asked her Dad once they were alone in the room.

"Uh...yeah." Jason said before pulling out his phone and calling him on speaker phone.

"He is still out. MRI and CAT Scan are clear. Lungs are full of fluid other than that he seems fine." Trent said.

"When can we see him?" Clay asked.

"They are doing blood work now. Once he is in a room I will have Naima come get you."

"Blood work and not waking up?" Clay asked, lifting his head and looking to Jason.

"Vitals are stable. Dying does take a lot out of a person." Trent reminded them, "Right now sleeping is a good thing."

"Hey Trent, how long are you going to make him stay in the hospital?" Emma asked, knowing that the guys, regardless of how Sonny was doing in that moment would need to know.

"Hey Emm." Trent said, shaking his head, not surprised to hear her voice. "He has to be off oxygen and his level stay above eighty five for at least five hours."

"You going to knock him out when he starts to argue?" Emma asked and they could all hear Trent laugh.

"Between you and Naima I think we will be okay." He said before hanging up.

* * *

When Naima led them into the dimly lit room they found three chairs around the bed. Emma took a spot on the side of the bed, reaching out and taking Sonny's hand in hers. "Emma?" Sonny asked without opening his eyes.

"We are all here. Me, Dad, Clay, Trent and Lisa." She told him and she could see Sonny's heart rate speed up on the monitor.

"I'm not mad at you you idiot." Davis smiled, reaching her hand forward and putting it on his foot. Sonny's heart rate instantly slowed down.

"How you feeling Sonny?" Emma asked for her Dad and Clay who were sitting in the chairs looking lost and confused.

"Alive." He said opening his eye as he squeezed her hand.

"You scared us Sonny." Emma said, "You are Superman." When Sonny weakly pulled her towards him she looked over at Trent who nodded and Emma laid down at his side not caring what anyone thought. She knew he needed touch, to know he wasn't completely broken, "Love you Sonny." Emma snuggled into his side and folded his arm up across his chest as she held his arm to hers and she could feel what the others could see.

Sonny had started to cry. "You are safe now, we got you." Jason told him trying to calm the man down but it had the opposite effect. The harder he cried he started to wheeze, sucking in air and coughing and Emma put her hand on his face. When he opened his eyes to look at her she just nodded and made her breathing more obvious until he was copying her breaths, heart rate evening out and oxygen level going back up. When Sonny closed his eyes Emma snuggled back into his side, taking his rough hand in hers and tracing the lines in his fingers until she knew he was asleep.

When she looked up she saw her family all sitting with tears in their eyes facing her. "What?"

"Your Mom was the only one who could get Sonny to sleep the last time he was in the hospital." Trent said, looking over at Jason, "That..." He said waving his hand at her and Sonny, "Was exactly what she did."

"Dad you might as well call my school and tell them I am not going today." Emma said, seeing the clock on the wall change from seven to eight.

"Harrington already called." Lisa smiled, "Or he said he was going to."

"Dad you need to call and update them."

"And tell them what?" He asked, sounding defeated.

"That Sonny has severe pneumonia but is breathing on his own but with oxygen. That his heart is perfect. And that if anyone tries to make him go into a torpedo tube ever again I will murder them myself." Emma told him, while looking between Clay and Lisa.

"You are your Mother's child." Jason said, shaking his head with a small smile as he stood up.

"I am yours too." She smiled back to him without moving from her place at Sonny's side.

"That so?" Jason smiled before he walked out, Trent following, leaving the youngest members of their family in the room with Sonny.

"I need to get back to the office...they may be off rotation for a while but I am not." Lisa said after a few minutes of silence, "I just needed to see for myself he was alive."

"You can stay...he would want you here." Clay said.

"Tell Sonny that I will see him when he gets his ass back to work. Til then he doesn't get his hat back." Lisa said, grabbing the orange hat from Clay. When Clay started to argue Lisa glared at him, "Try me."

Clay stood up with her and pulled her into a hug and whispered only loud enough for her to hear, "I don't know what he did but he loves you."

"Dammit Clay." Lisa said, tears spilling over.

"Hey." Clay said pulling her tighter, "You are family. You know that right?" She nodded before pulling away and rushing out the door.

"Did you sleep on the plane?" Emma asked when he sat back down.

With a small nod he looked at her, "Guessing you didn't."

"You all made it home, that is all that is important." She said before yawning.

"It's okay if you want to sleep." Clay told her, moving a chair closer to her and he reached his hand to run his hand through her hair as she looked over at him.

"Clay..." She started, "You are SEALS. Nothing can ever change that and I love you guys for it. You are all Superman to me...I just...kryptonite is real...for all of you."

"Kryptonite huh?" Clay smiled.

"Yeah. For Sonny it is water...for you...it is thinking you have to prove you aren't Ash." Emma said, reaching up and holding Clay's hand as he moved it to her cheek.

"I'm not going anywhere."

"You are going to go home and sleep in a bed tonight."

"I need to stay with him." Clay argued.

"I need you to take my Dad home and make sure he sleeps." Emma told him, "Harrington said you are going to be teaching the new team in a couple weeks and you can't do it unless your head is in the game."

"He told you that?"

"You are going home with my Dad tonight."

"The way you say it...you are planning on staying here?"

"Don't think you would fit on this bed with him." Emma mumbled.

"Davis would."

"She can't." Emma reminded him. "As much as she wants to...she can't." As she closed her eyes Sonny started to whimper and she rolled over and draped her arm across his chest. When he tipped his head down he pulled off his oxygen mask but Emma was quicker than him and put it right back, holding it in place as his wild eyes darted around the room. "Sonny!" She said loud enough to get his attention and his eyes darted to her. "Chill."

"Can't...breathe..." He gasped.

"Hey Clay hand me the incentive spirometer." Emma said, pointing to the contraption that was sitting on the table at the edge of the room as she held the button to raise his head. When he handed it to her she took off the mask and hooked the oxygen line to the small aparatis, "Breathe through this."

As she put the mouthpiece to his lips Trent and Jason rushed in with a nurse who stopped and smiled when she saw what Emma was doing. As he took deep breaths in he started to cough and Emma reached over the head of the bed for the suction machine and expertly held it to the back of his throat sucking out a bunch of mucus. "Looks like Mr. Quinn here has his own personal nurse already."

"How the hell do you know how to do that?" Jason asked and Trent snickered.

"Dad I have been volunteering here since before I could drive." Emma rolled her eyes, turning her attention back as Sonny once again started to cough. After about fifteen minutes Emma switched his oxygen back over to the mask and he did not complain. The look in his eyes showing absolute trust. "The Cipro is going to make him anxious the longer he is on it. Can we get some Ativan for him as well? Starting with around ten milligrams?"

"Already paged the doc. Order should be in soon." The nurse said. "Should sleep for a couple hours, when he wakes up have him do that again?"

"Yes Sir." Emma smiled, looking over at Sonny and he gripped her arm, "I'm not going anywhere Superman." Sonny nodded and closed his eyes.

After the nurse walked out Emma moved around and reclined the bed slightly before snuggling back into Sonny's side. "Why don't you guys go home and shower and pick up some food? Then you can come back here when he is a little more awake."

"Probably a good idea Boss. You don't want to bring any new germs to him while he recovers." Trent said.

The nurse came in before they had a chance to answer, "Good call on the meds, exactly what the Doc ordered." He smiled at her. "He will be out for a while." The nurse smiled at the guys, "He is doing amazing."

"Don't...feel...like...it." Sonny said, only able to say one word with each breath.

"You died Sonny." Emma shook her head, "For a dead guy you are doing amazing."

"Emma!" Jason started to scold, but then he saw Sonny smile.

"Two of you are sick." Jason said, standing up and shaking his head. "Two hours. Call me if anything changes." He snapped. "Let's go Kid." He said before walking towards the door.

When Clay looked at Emma she smiled, "You stink. Go."

"Love you too." He smiled at her.

"He will be fine." Emma told them and they finally walked out.

"Emm?...Stay...me?" Sonny asked through the mask and she laid back down on the bed, snuggling into his side. Trent and the nurse watching as his heart rate quickly slowed as he fell asleep.

"Trent?" Emma whispered after the nurse quietly left.

"Yeah?"

"Will you stay? Just in case?" She asked. She knew what the numbers on the monitors meant. Knew that if he got any worse they would need to intubate him, knew that if she couldn't keep him calm them he could easily drown in his own lungs.

"Until they get him off high flow. Yes. You are helping him, more than anything I could do." He told her and she nodded.

"Love you Superman." She whispered, allowing her tears to silently fall as she hugged herself tighter into the man she had grown up with as her uncle.

* * *

When Jason and Clay were getting ready to go back to the hospital they both got a text from Trent, 'They are both still sleeping. Do NOT wake them up.'

"We can go by the base to fill out the AAR?" Clay suggested.

"Uh, yeah, okay." Jason agreed. "Do not like being separated."

"Emma is there. Sonny is okay with her." Clay said, pulling the hair at the back of his head.

"Sonny is or you are?" Jason asked.

"Both?" Clay answered. "I knew she makes me calm the fuck down but seeing her with Sonny today...shoving that thing down his throat and everything, not missing a beat...as long as he was looking at her he was calm. Kinda unbelievable."

"He was the same way with Alana...after he was shot. She climbed right in the damn bed with him and got him to sit still and not tear his stitches."

"How are you doing Jace?" Clay asked, as they climbed into the truck to head onto base.

"Assume you want something other than I don't know..." He answered.

"Would be lost without you." Clay told him, "I...uh...I know I didn't know Alana that long before she was killed but...you can talk about her if it would help."

"Feel like a lost cause Kid. But thanks. I don't do so well with talking...its...it is why Alana and I separated...I am trying though...you know that right?"

"We do." Clay smiled at him, "Emma is proud of you."

"She say that?" Jason asked and Clay nodded, "How much do you two talk?"

"You know we talk everyday." Clay rolled his eyes.

"Multiple times a day." Jason said, looking over at Clay. "Doesn't leave you with much time."

"You think I have something better I can be doing?" Clay asked him.

"Just want to see you happy Kid." Jason told him as they flashed their badges to get onto base.

"Emma is the first person I have been able to trust since I moved out here...Caitlyn...she uhh...Caitlyn thinks Emma keeps me grounded."

"Caitlyn, your buddies wife?"

"Yeah."

"How is she doing?"'

"She has a toddler and is pregnant and her husband is dead." Clay looked at him like he was crazy. "And her biggest worry is me."

* * *

When Sonny started to stir he quickly felt the weight of Emma in his side and moved his arm to hug her into him. "I got you Superman." Emma mumbled sleepily and Trent saw Sonny smile.

"I died." Sonny said and Trent watched as his small smiled faded and he saw tears slip from the man's eyes.

"I know." Emma said quietly.

"So scared." He said and Emma reached up to her shoulder to squeeze his hand. "Said goodbye." Sonny went on, "Jace...Ray...Clay."

"I know." Emma said, "You told them to tell Lisa that you were sorry." Emma said, looking up to see his face.

"Didn't have time..."

"Sonny, you know that they all love you, right?" Sonny nodded, "You know they did everything they could."

"Told Jace...not his fault."

"Harrington said everyone was crying when the clock ran out...then they heard Eric on the radio with Dad's crazy plan and...and then they got the call that you were alive."

"Told you that?"

"Clay called me from the plane and when I got to the base Lisa and Harrington brought me in. Wouldn't tell me everything but I got the gist."

"Stubborn. Like him." Sonny smiled.

"Does anything hurt Sonny?"

"Still scared." Sonny said, pulling off the oxygen mask.

"If your O2 drops you are going back on." Trent said, handing him the incentive spirometer as Emma sat up, the nurse popping his head in but standing back allowing Emma to help him, he knew that keeping the man calm was more important that who was actually doing the nursing...and he knew that Emma worked at the hospital, he had seen her before.

"Want to go home." He said before going into a coughing fit. Emma once again used the suction machine on him before putting the oxygen mask back on.

"I need you to relax."

"Stuck...don't like." Sonny said, and Emma knew it was hard for him to have something over his face.

"It is air. You are fine."

"Not fine."

"Shut up and breathe would you please." Emma said, sitting back and crossing her arms. "The more you do your breathing exercises the sooner you get get off the oxygen." She hated to see Sonny struggle, he was her Superman. The one who gave her a goofy bear and told her that everything would be okay when she was worried about her Dad, the one who was there for her when her Mom died, the man who had always been a safe person-a fun person who she could trust since before she could even talk.

"Promise?" Sonny asked her and she nodded. When he closed his eyes he reached out to hold her hand, "Okay."

* * *

The team worked out a schedule so Sonny was never alone. Emma staying at night and the guys rotated through during the day. He was released on the third day to stay with Jason...which was also where Clay had been staying. Instead of going home to rest though he went onto base with Jason and sat in the back as the rest of the team drilled the new group that was fresh to green team and by the end of the week he was out running drills with only a minor cough.

The three were basically inseparable. Brock and Trent popping in most evenings to have dinner with them. Ray however only spent time with them when they were on base. He told the team that he was just going home but at work Emma heard from Naima just how much he was working. "Dad are you sure Ray is doing okay?" Emma asked about a month into their green team training.

"Says he is." Jason shrugged. "Fine when he is at work."

"Naima said he has been working late every night." Emma said. "You guys have been off early most days."

"I will talk to him." Jason said before stalking out to the garage, he knew Ray was drinking again but thought he had it under control.

"You really think something is going on with him?" Clay asked her after Jason was gone.

"Just seemed weird that Naima said he was working so much." Emma shrugged as she brought Sonny his medicine.

"I can get this myself." Sonny said as he took his pills.

"I know." Emma smiled, sitting down between the two. "I am going to miss you guys when you go on your deployment."

"We still have a few weeks." Sonny smiled. "Thanks for taking care of me."

"Shut up Sonny." Emma rolled her eyes, it wasn't normal Sonny talking when he got like that and she wanted normal Sonny back.

"You talk to Davis yet or is she still avoiding you?" Clay smirked.

"Think I really did it this time." Sonny shook his head and laughed.

"Something else Brother." Clay laughed.

"Yeah...uh...I need to make it right." Sonny said, eyes glossing and Emma took both Sonny and Clay's hands.

"What is your plan...long term? You both have been living here...which is great and all but you both have apartments and I get needing to be close and all but not realistic for you to just move in here."

"They won't let me go home yet." Sonny reminded her.

"I heard Dad talking to Blackburn today. They said you were fine."

"I have been fine." Sonny smiled.

"Your appointment is in the morning. When you are officially fine...what is your plan?"

"To go to the bar." Sonny said and Clay started laughing.

"Oh my God. You are ridiculous." Emma laughed before turning to each of them and kissing their cheeks. "I am going to bed." She said, "Love you Idiots."

* * *

When Emma woke up it was near three in the morning and she felt her bed move as Clay crawled in beside her. It wasn't the first time he had done it, in fact he had done it most nights since they had gotten back from their spin up. He had even told her that he stayed in there when she was at the hospital with Sonny. Emma scooted over so her shoulder was touching his and reached down for his hand, lacing her fingers in his.

"Made it later tonight." Emma said, barely above a whisper. "Dream?"

"Didn't get him in time." Clay told her. The nightmares weren't always the same...but someone died in all of them.

"You okay now?" She asked.

"Mmmhmm." He mumbled, already half asleep.

When she woke up in the morning he was already gone, like usual. "Hey." She said, walking into the kitchen to find only her Dad.

"What time did he go in there?" He asked.

"Three." Emma said.

"Who this time?"

"Sonny."

"You care that he goes in there?"

"Nope." She told him. "Do you?"

"Wish he didn't need to."

"Where is Mikey?"

"Boys were dropping him at school on their way to the doc."

"You aren't taking him?"

"He is getting cleared. Just a formality. Sonny is fine."

"Dad it has only been two weeks."

"You think it's too soon?"

"Mentally or physically?"

"Boys are going to be fine."

"Are you?"

"Don't start with me."

"Someone has to."

"Emma I said don't start."

"I love you." She said, walking over and hugging her dad. "You need to make them go home."

"You said you didn't care."

"I don't but you guys need to get back to normal."

"I will tell them."

"Dinner. Then they go home."

"Kid isn't ready."

"Clay isn't or you aren't?"

"Both."

"You think Sonny is okay?"

"Don't think he will be alone." Jason smiled.

"Davis?"

"Am I wrong?"

"They aren't a couple yet." Emma smiled, "But they totally should be."

* * *

After dinner that night Jason told Davis to take Sonny home before turning to Clay. "Emma you take him home?" He asked.

Emma nodded, "Let's go Buddy."

"What?" Clay asked, like it was a foreign concept for him not to stay there.

"We need our heads right before we get deployed. First step is going home." Jason said, leaning against the kitchen counter.

"I can drop him off on our way." Lisa said.

"Emma can take him." Jason said, looking at Clay and knowing he wasn't ready to stay by himself yet.

"Yeah, okay. Call if you need anything." Lisa smiled at Emma before the four of them walked out the door together.

"Whose brilliant idea is this?" Sonny asked.

"You really think the Navy would be okay with you all living at your master chief's house because you are too scared to go home?" Emma smirked.

"Not scared." Sonny mumbled.

"Sure you aren't Superman." Emma teased and he pulled her into his side.

"You really think I am okay?" He asked her.

Emma shrugged, "Doctor cleared you. What do you think?"

"Trust you." Sonny said, stopping to stare at her.

"Sonny I am a senior in high school. I am not a doctor."

"I trust you." Sonny said again.

"You are fine." Emma smiled, "But if you get nervous just put this on your finger and make the numbers change." She said handing him her pulse oximeter.

"You sure?" He asked, putting it on and Emma could see that his heart rate was too high and his oxygen was a little low but that was because he wasn't breathing.

"Sonny." She said, putting her hands on his arms and shaking him. "Take a deep breath." He focused his eyes on her and took a deep inhale. "Good, now look at the numbers."

"100% and 70." Sonny smiled.

"Looks like Superman is fine." Clay smiled.

"Looks like it." Lisa smiled.

* * *

Jason had sent Emma six text messages and called twice to check on Clay between dinner and when she was getting ready for bed. "If he isn't ready we can go back to your house." Clay had told her over and over.

"Gramma Linda is there now and so is Mikey. Dad will be fine or else he will completely freak out and come over here." Emma had told him.

"And we need our heads in the game for our deployment." Clay said.

"This your test or Harrington's?" When Emma smiled at him Clay shook his head, "I knew it! You have been feeding him information."

"He is as worried about Dad as Dad is worried about you and Sonny." Emma said, "Eight." She said holding up her phone.

"Eight what?"

"Eight times he has checked on Sonny." Emma smirked.

"It is scary." Clay shrugged. "If you weren't here and Davis wasn't with Sonny I would be calling him constantly too."

"I know what happened was scary...but when you get deployed you absolutely cannot keep looking at Sonny like he is going to fall over and die." Emma said, crawling into Clay's bed.

"I don't know how you can be so calm." Clay said, pacing back and forth at the foot of his bed.

"Because I know Lisa will take care of Sonny. I am here with you. And Gramma is with Dad."

"And you aren't scared?"

"My scared is what you are going to do when you have bullets flying by you...where your focus will be...that is where my scared is."

"I can't even see past right now...and you are looking at..."

"That is what I am talking about." Emma said, cutting him off, "Now turn the light off and get in bed, I am tired."

"Who does Harrington think is staying with Sonny?"

"He knows Lisa is."

"Caitlyn is due to have the baby when we are scheduled to be deployed."

"About a month in...yeah."

"I am worried about her being alone."

"Her parents are with her...so are Andy's."

"But he isn't."

"You think that he isn't with them all the time?"

"I don't know." Clay said as he flipped off the light.

"When we went into the room with Sonny...I felt my Mom...she showed me what to do...I felt her with me...I always do when I am scared...it isn't the same as having her here but I can still feel her."

"I just feel haunted."

"Well that is just creepy." Emma smiled at him.

"I know I couldn't do anything but..."

"Start to feel for their heart...their spirit...not their ghost."

"How?"

"Remember what you loved most about the people you lost and focus on that."

"How are we going to get through the deployment without you?"

"The same way you weirdos always have."

"You are literally the only thing keeping us from losing our shit."

"You will be fine." Emma told him, scooting just a little closer, not quite believing her own words.

"We will be back for your graduation." Clay told her.

"I know. Harrington promised."

"Emma?"

"Yeah?"

"Whatever happens will you promise me that we will never not be friends?"

"That is a promise I can definitely keep!" Emma smiled as Clay rolled over and put his arm around her. "Your heart is always going to be safe with me." She said and she could feel his breath on her back as he snuggled into her back. "Goodnight Clay."

* * *

"Sonny get your ass in your bed." Lisa yelled at him a quarter to midnight when he was still lounging on the couch with cartoons on the tv.

"Can't lay flat." Sonny mumbled.

"Why?"

"Can't breathe."

"Where do you have the finger thing?" Lisa asked.

"Right here." He said handing it to her.

"Come on Sunshine." She smiled. "We are going to bed."

"Think I like that sound of that." Sonny said, following her into his bedroom.

"Laydown." He laid down. "Close your eyes." He closed his eyes. "Sleep." She smirked.

"Not that easy." He told her. "Haven't slept in my own bed my entire life."

"Oh my God. You are really going there." She said, throwing a pillow at him.

"How do they get you to sleep?"

"Lay with me."

"You have been bunking in Mikey's room. Jason has not crawled into the bunk with you."

"I am scared...okay?"

"What are you going to do when you boys get deployed?"

"Clay and I will be sharing a room." Sonny reminded her.

"You guys...I don't understand how you can be some of the scariest people on the planet but scared to sleep in your own beds."

"I know my Brothers will keep me safe." Sonny told her and Lisa shook her head and crawled into the bed with Sonny.

* * *

"Jason Hayes get your butt back here. They are fine. Go to bed." Linda barked from the couch in the dark living room.

"I need to make sure." Jason said, pacing back and forth by the front door.

"They are all sleeping. You should be too."

"I need to see with my own eyes."

"No. Jason you do not." She said getting up and walking between him and the front door. "Keys." She ordered, putting out her hand.

"Mom!" Jason yelled.

"Right now Jason." She said, and he handed them to her. "Go to bed." She said, taking him by the elbow and leading him into his bedroom, watching as he climbed into bed before she sat down on the edge of the bed next to him. "You will see them both in the morning."

"I am scared." Jason said, allowing his tears to fall in the dark.

"I know Baby." She said, running her hand along his cheek, he may be a grown man but he would always be her baby boy. "Just a few hours, you can do that right?"

"Will you stay until I fall asleep?" He asked and Linda nodded. "Love you Mom." He said before closing his eyes.

* * *

Emma dropped Clay off on base before going to school and somehow he wasn't the first one there. In fact, he was the last and he smiled, seeing his brothers smile when he arrived. A half hour before they were scheduled to report for the day.

"We survived." Clay smiled.

"Boys you are going to the Philippines." Eric said, walking into the cages.

"Gucci?" Sonny asked.

"Gucci." Eric smiled.

"Gucci!" Jason smiled.

"Do not have an exact date you are leaving yet, but it will be mid February to mid May."

"We will be back in time for Emma's graduation?" Clay asked and Eric nodded.

"What will we be doing there?" Brock asked.

"Will let Mandy fill you in on all of that in the next couple weeks. Just thought you all would like to know the location."

"That mean we are cleared for AD?"

"That's what it means."

"So we can be spun up again?" Ray asked.

"After Green Team is done. Yes." Eric told them before walking out.

"The Phillipines?" Clay asked, "Any of you ever been?" As he saw nods and smiles all around he smiled and relaxed. "Gucci."


	28. Chapter 28

"Okay, just because Grandma Linda is coming here doesn't mean I'm not gonna need your help. All right? There's practice with Mikey, there's picking him up, taking him to practice. You know, there's a lot of stuff that I need you to cover while I'm away in the Philippines...and you're not listening to me. You're on your phone again." Jason groaned, the last couple of weeks since the guys went home Emma had been impossible. Not wanting to help with her brother or with anything around the house, she had put all her focus into school and work or hanging out with Hannah.

"I am. Grandma and Phil somebody." Emma said, knowing exactly what he was talking about but wanted to get under his skin. When he was frustrated his head could focus, formulate and execute and she was less worried about him when he was pissy and yelling than when he was quiet and calm.

"Phil? No, Philippines. It's where I'm being deployed, Emma. Hello. Put that..."

"Oh, my God. I got in." Emma smiled, seeing an email from the one school she never thought she would be able to get into.

"Got in what?"

"Tisch."

"Where's Tisch?"

"New York. It's an art school." Emma smiled.

"Tisch is an art school? You applied to an art school?" Jason said, trying to think back all of the schools she had applied to and he barely remembered her even mentioning it.

"Yes. I told you." She said, the excitement fading when he didn't even remember she had applied when she had been talking about it for months.

"What, and they tell you that you got in through e-mail?"

"That's how they all do it, Dad." Emma rolled her eyes.

"What do you mean?"

"This is preliminary, to make sure I'm still interested. And I'm interested."

"Okay. Do they have history and math?" Jason asked her and Emma's mood instantly switched from worried to pissed, how could he not be excited for her?

"No."

"Then it's not a school."

"You don't want me to go." Emma said, fighting the tears in her eyes. She got into her dream school and he didn't want her to go.

"No, I don't. Do they have a football team? It's not a school."

"I can't believe you."

"Can't believe me? What? Art's not a job."

"It can be."

"I thought you said that you were gonna apply to a school around here, like a normal college." Jason said panicking. She couldn't leave...not that far away. He needed her...the team needed her. He couldn't lose his little girl.

"It's my decision." Emma told him, it was her life. Hers. This was her dream school.

"And what about Mikey?"

"He's here with you."

"I'm not here all the time."

"I'm not his mom." Emma snapped.

"Wow."

"Thanks for being proud of me, Dad." She said as she climbed out of the truck, slamming the door behind her. "Bye."

Mumbling to himself as he pulled away, "That went well. That went really well."

* * *

"You avoiding me, Davis?" Sonny asked, walking into the storage room and finding Lisa.

"No."

"No? I'll tell you what, the upside to almost dying in a torpedo tube is I got a lot time to dwell on my mistakes. And I realized that how I reacted to the OCS news probably wasn't one of my finest moments. Hell, I should've just been happy for you. So, I lived, and I wanted to tell you that, uh, I'm happy for you." Sonny rambled.

"Sonny." Lisa cut him off with a small smile.

"Yeah?"

"When it looked like you weren't gonna make it, none of that stuff even mattered. I was just thinking about you." Lisa told him, stopping what she was doing.

"Oh, yeah? I have that effect on people." Sonny smirked.

"We're playing with fire."

"I'd much rather play with fire than water at this point of my career." He told her, seeing her face though made him circle back, "Aw, come on, Davis. Eh, with the whole OCS thing, you know, um, our jobs really aren't..."

"Sonny, I'm not even talking about the rules. Neither of us have a good track record with making a relationship work." She told him sadly.

"That is true." Sonny agreed with her, "Who's to say we're not the exception, though?"

"You really believe that?"

"I don't know. I don't know." Sonny said honestly and he knew where this conversation was going.

"Neither do I, so losing our friendship isn't worth the risk." Lisa told him as she walked out of the room as soon as she knew he wasn't going to chase after her she ran into the closest bathroom and leaned back against the wall and allowed her tears to fall. Sonny was the person she was closest to, the one person who always made her feel safe...the one person who knew, really knew the hell she had come from and never judged her for it. She couldn't lose that...she would rather have him as a friend then as nothing and if they got together they would either be amazing and end up married or end up never being able to speak to each other again...with the two of them there was no in between.

* * *

"Hey." Stella said, nearly bumping into Clay as he walked out of the coffee shop.

"Hey." He said, surprised to see her, "What are you doing down here?"

"I have an interview at Old Dominion...I miss the raspberry scones. Figured I'd stop by." She told him, feeling the ache in her stomach seeing him. He looked tired. Older. Something had happened, you could see it on his face.

"Yeah, they always have your order ready for me every morning. I don't have the heart to tell 'em. Plus, the scones are actually really good. So..."

"They are."

"How have you been?" Clay asked her.

"I'm fine, I guess. Actually, I've been meaning to talk to you. I wanted to apologize for the way..." Stella started, and he really didn't want to go there.

"It's okay." He told her, trying to make her stop.

"No. It's not. At the airport, right before you left for deployment. I hate myself for doing that." Stella told him, wanting to hug him, to tell him that she had made a mistake, that she still loved him.

"You didn't want to, you know? I pulled it out of you. I've always had the power of persuasion over you." Clay smirked, he knew how to push her buttons and he could still feel their chemistry.

"Yes, that you did."

"Look, it it sucked, you know, it did, but I understand that this world isn't for you, okay? You didn't want to ask me to choose." He shrugged.

"No. I would never do that." She told him.

"Thank you." He said, "Because I may have chosen you." He knew he was messing with things he shouldn't but being around her...he couldn't help it.

"Really?"

"Then, yeah. But now You know, the last few weeks I've gained some perspective. We recently almost lost Sonny."

"What?" She asked, eyes going wide.

"He's fine." Clay quickly told her, forgetting how close the two were when they had been dating. "But, you know, he said something that really hit me. He said that the teams are the greatest thing in his life. And I knew then that the same was for me. You know, I'm never gonna leave this life. It's funny that you knew that before I did."

"Mm-hmm, yeah." She struggled to find words, "It's funny...How I knew you." As Clay's phone went off she smiled, "I know the drill. You should go."

"It was good seeing you." Clay said, pulling her in for a hug, breathing her in.

"It was good seeing you." She told him, before pulling back, "Clay be careful."

"You know me." He smiled. Proud of himself for making it through their interaction.

Immediately pulling out his phone to call Emma, trying to catch her before her classes started she answered in full blown rant mode, "He is unbelievable. I am not Mikey's Mom...I should be able to be happy right?"

"Wanna take it back a few steps and catch me up?" Clay asked.

"I got into Tisch. Dad freaked out."

"I just ran into Stella." Clay told her, "And you should be happy. That was your dream school."

"So I should be mad at Dad for how he reacted? Wait you saw Stella?"

"She has an interview at Old Dominion."

"Are you okay?" She asked him.

"Uh...I think so...and congratulations."

"If I go there I won't get to see you guys...like ever."

"It is only a couple hours away...and your dream school."

"You would come to see me?"

"And we have facetime." Clay said. "You should be proud of yourself Emm."

"Wish Dad was proud of me."

"He is just scared. Everything is changing again."

"I really want to go there."

"Then you have to go."

"I have to get to class. Will I see you later?"

"Pretty sure we are getting spun up. I will text you."

"Be safe Clay."

"Love you." Clay told her before hanging up, how could Jason not be excited for Emma even if he was scared. Tisch was his daughters dream and her voice was amazing, learning how to channel that into a job...he knew she could do it...Jason should too.

* * *

"Isn't that General What's-His-Name?" Jason asked.

"Uh, General Trask." Ray answered, "Four-star running AFRICOM."

"Africa, huh? Alright, I got 20 bucks that this is pirates." Sonny said as he walked in, taking a seat across from Clay.

"I'll take that action." Clay laughed.

"I'll bet you will." Sonny smirked, as Jason hit Clay in the back of the head as he walked past.

"All right, listen up. We have General Trask joining us from Camp Lemonnier in Djibouti. Let's try not to waste his time." Blackburn told the guys.

"Meet our target Ronan Benga, head of a rebel militia group in the Democratic Republic of the Congo God's Freedom Warriors." Mandy started.

"Boom." Clay laughed.

"Come on, man."

"Pay up." Jason said.

"Those warlords get me every time." Sonny groaned as he passed a twenty to Clay. "There it is. There you go."

Shaking her head at the guys Mandy continued, "Two days ago, Benga massacred a group of men hoping to build a cancer treatment center in the Congo Basin."

"Oh, so the leader of God's Warriors is pro-cancer, huh?" Ray shook his head.

"Damian Gilmore, one of the men who funded the hospital..." As Eric and Mandy went on about their mission Clay's focus went to Emma and Stella and he struggled to pay attention to the rest of what was involved in their mission. He loved Stella...really felt like he had something with her and he wanted to be able to talk to Emma about it and see what she thought...if she didn't think there was a chance he would try to stop focusing on it...if she thought it was worth trying...maybe it was worth the hurt.

When Jason walked closer to Ray he could smell the alcohol on him and he walked to the fridge as Mandy explained who they were going after, handing Ray a bottle of water as he leaned against Ray's chair he took a swig of his own. He asked all the right questions, showed that he was paying attention even though he couldn't stop thinking about Emma and Tisch and just as quick as they started they were done, a mission they had done thousands of times.

"We're wheels up in two hours." Blackburn told them as everyone stood up, already knowing the drill. "Let's go."

As soon as Clay was out of the room he sent a text to Emma telling them they were going. That it should be a short mission and congratulating her again on getting into Tisch. "Two hours Loverboy." Sonny said coming up behind him and jumping on his back, "Who are you texting?"

"You tell her we were leaving?" Jason asked and Clay gave a short nod. "She tell you she got into that art school?"

"Her dream school. Yeah, she told me." Clay said, giving Jason a look.

"Dream school?" Jason asked.

"What I said, Boss." Clay said, sometimes Jason was so lost in his own world he forgot to see what was right in front of him.

"Emma got accepted to Tisch?" Sonny asked.

"How do you know about Tisch?" Jason asked, throwing up his hands.

"She wouldn't shut up about it...she has heard back from just about everywhere she applied but she was waiting on that one. She didn't think she would get in." Sonny told him with a shrug.

"You know she could go to one of those stuffy Ivy Leagues she got in to...personally I think Tisch is a great choice for her." Clay said. "Only a couple hours away, doing what she loves...You know that is where Lady Gaga and Adam Sandler both went to school...right?"

"And the Midnight Shalalala guy who makes all those creepy mind fuck movies." Sonny told him, hitting Jason on the shoulder with his Texas hat before walking out the door.

"An art school?" Jason asked.

"Performing arts. Singing is kinda her thing." Brock said as he and Cerebus walked past him with the rest of the team.

"All of you knew about Tisch?" Jason asked.

"She hasn't shut up about it." Sonny shrugged. "Thought I might die again if she made me watch another one of those movies. Never thought I would see the day where Harry Potter would be an improvement."

"Whatever Sonny, just because they aren't westerns or war movies doesn't make them bad."

"Says the Ravenclaw himself."

"Just because you are a Slytherin..." Lisa smiled as she joined up with Bravo.

"Hey now Davis... you can come Slytherin to my bed anytime." Sonny mumbled as he walked past Davis.

"Oh My God Sonny!" She yelled, hitting him as he snuck past.

* * *

"Based on intelligence reports, General Trask has pinpointed Benga's location deep in the savanna near the Kouilou River." Mandy told Bravo once they were in the air.

"Is there any crazy wildlife in those parts?" Sonny asked.

"Yeah, they got jumping two-foot spider." Jason smirked.

"A what?" Sonny asked, eyes going wide.

"What's the name of it?" Jason asked Mandy with a smile.

"The Kouilou spider." Mandy said with a straight face.

"You're not serious right now, are you?" Sonny asked them.

"All right. So, what's the plan?" Clay interrupted, he was still in the protective little brother mode when it came to Sonny, "We hit his house?"

"No. Can't have anything too kinetic in a populated area." Blackburn told him, "He's more vulnerable on the move. Vehicle interdiction is the smart play here."

"I like it." Jason said, Bravo's specialty. "That's a great call. Get him out in the open, away from the eyes and the ears." As the team worked out their plan Jason's head was back at home. How had he missed what his daughters dream school was? If he missed that then what else was he missing? He could lead his team asleep, especially on a mission like this running basically on autopilot but dealing with the kids...he felt like he was drowning.

"Nine hours till we land. Y'all know what to do." Blackburn said, "Let's get some rest."

"Hey, Jace." Ray said, walking over to him.

"Yeah."

"Hey, hold up."

"Yeah, yeah."

"Hey, look, man, I'm sorry. I've been meaning to stop by. How are the how are the kids?" Ray was asking about his kids? The man who knew him best was asking how his family was? How had he missed that Ray had been MIA most of their time at home...even Emma had said something...but he had never asked about it himself.

"The kids. Uh, Emma got into Tisch." He told her.

"Wow. Really? I mean, that's great for her, right?"

"It's an art school, Ray."

"Yeah, I know."

"What are you gonna do in art school? Like, what, they don't There's no history, there's no math. I mean, come on, it's it's in New York City. Know how far that is away from us? I thought she was gonna be somewhere local. You know, she could stay at home, take care of Mikey. But that's not happening probably." When Ray gave him the same look that both Emma and Clay had back on the ground Jason crossed his arms, "I'm sorry, but am I am I being unreasonable?"

"Maybe."

"Maybe?"

"Yeah, maybe. You know what, what do I know? I'm concerned about diapers. You're concerned about Emma leaving. But what I do know, brother, is that she's gonna be good 'cause she's your daughter."

"That so?"

"That girl is going to run the world someday Jace...working in the hospital, how she is with the team...she isn't a little girl anymore...I just hope to hell I do half as good of a job with my kids as you and Alana have done with Emma and Mikey."

"Was all Alana...I am just trying not to screw it all up." Jason mumbled as he sat down.

"I hear that Brother." Ray said, sitting down next to him and leaning back into the straps closing his eyes.

After a few minutes Jason got antsy and decided to make rounds and check on his boys. Brock and Cerberus were asleep in the corner, Trent not too far from them. When he walked a little further to the back he found Clay and Sonny shoulder to shoulder asleep, Lisa reading on the bench directly across from them and Jason went over and sat down next to her. "Can I help you with something?" She asked him, as much as she was a part of Bravo, Jason had always kept his distance from her.

"You talk to Emma, right?"

"I do."

"She tell you she got into Tisch?"

"She did."

"How did I miss that was her dream school?" Jason asked, leaning forward and taking off his hat and staring into it.

"Got a lot on your plate." Lisa told him. "Thank you for finding a way to get him out." She said, looking across the plane and watching Sonny's head dip down onto Clay's shoulder.

"Didn't have a choice." Jason shrugged, "He's family...and why aren't they using their hammocks?"

"They were talking, took the sleeping pills I gave them." Lisa shrugged, how could she ever leave them? Erik and Sonny were the only two who knew this was her last mission with them and it killed her. When they got back she was going to have to tell everyone...she just needed one more day when she was just Davis. "You look at Clay like he is yours...but he looks to Sonny like a big brother..."

"There a question in there?" Jason smiled, relaxing back into the straps as he watched his boys sleep.

"Before Clay joined Bravo you and Ray could read each others minds. Sonny right there with you...but when he joined...Ray messed up his shoulder...the way you work with each other is different. Ray is different...he hasn't been the same since Mexico. Doesn't seem like anyone talks to him about that stuff...rest of you just do like it is natural but it doesn't come natural to him." Lisa said, thinking out loud. She was worried about them if she left...she knew them well enough to know what they needed before they had time to ask for it and she didn't know who would be replacing her.

"I haven't been focused." Jason said with a sigh. "Feels like I am barely keeping my head out of the water."

"They know that?" She asked him, leaning her shoulder into him like she had seen Mandy do a handful of times, "Because it seems like you have it all together."

"If I had it all together I would have known that Emma's dream school was Tisch." Sliding his hat on he rubbed his eyes, "Alana made everything seem easy...without her...I just..." Jason said, his voice cracking before he quickly cleared his throat and moved to stand up.

"Hey." Lisa grabbed his arm and held him down, "Anyone ever tell you that it is okay for you to feel?"

"I uh...I am not good at talking." Jason said, sitting back down and looking down at his hands.

"Didn't ask about talking, asked about feeling."

"I am scared." He said, looking at her, feeling the tears stinging the back of his eyes.

"It is okay to be scared." She told him, putting her hand on his arm.

"I feel lost." He said, his voice breaking.

"It is okay to feel lost." She told him, squeezing his arm. "Jace, you trust me right?" She asked him and he nodded quickly, "Then know that it is true when I say you are safe with me."

"Haven't been able to sleep...I just...it is all...just a lot." He told her.

Nodding slowly she looked at him, "Why don't you lay down right here." She suggested to him and although she knew he would do it with Mandy in a heartbeat she was still surprised when he laid down, her head only a few inches from her hip. "Whatever you are feeling...whenever you feel it...it is okay." She told him, "And I swear to you, you do not have to do this alone."

"Thanks Davis." He said as he slid his hat down over his face, resting his arm over his eyes. If anyone around saw him it would just look like he was sleeping, but sitting only inches away she could see his chest shaking, hear his shaking inhales and she scooted so his head was against her hip and put her hand on his shoulder.

"Not alone." She told him as she ever so slightly moved her thumb back and forth on his collarbone as he cried silently.

After a few minutes she looked up to see Eric and Mandy watching them and when Mandy mouthed, "Is he okay?" she shook her head, "You need me?" She asked and again she shook her head. She had Jason's back too and it was important that Jason know that he can trust his entire team, that he could trust her.

Daring to pull his hat away from his face he looked up at her, "Jace we've got your back. You know that right? Everyone on this plane..."

She had said it barely loud enough for him to hear but he had never felt more vulnerable and he turned so his back was to the edge of the straps and nodded so that only she could see as his face scrunched up as a fresh round of tears started to fall. Jason was surprised when Lisa put her hand on his face as she wiped the tears and ran her thumb over his scruffy cheek but her touch was gently and he felt safe, he knew that what she said was right, that Bravo was his family, but it was still hard...heavy.

Lisa could feel Mandy's eyes on her as she comforted her Master Chief and a part of her felt like she was cutting into Mandy's territory but when she looked up and saw the look on both Mandy and Eric's faces she knew what she was doing was the right thing to do. "You have a lot on your shoulders Jason...and we can help you find your way through." Lisa told him, "I do not know what losing Alana feels like for you, or being a Dad or team leader but I promise you I will do whatever you need to help you."

"Hate this feeling." Jason mumbled, "So tired, scared to sleep."

"Lift your head." She told him and he did, then she scooted over and he put his head on her hip and pulled his arm up and tucked it behind her back. "Close your eyes." She instructed and he did, "Deep breaths." As he calmed his breathing Lisa put her arm over his shoulder, and as he relaxed he curled into her until he eventually fell asleep.

When she set his hat down on her knee and grabbed her book while keeping her hand on his shoulder, Mandy came over and sat down next to her, "First time he has come to you?" She asked with a smile.

"He has had too much." Mandy sighed, "Hate to see him hurting...any of the guys but something about him..."

"He usually goes to you." Lisa said, "Trusts you."

"Clearly he trusts you too." She smiled.

"You were sitting with Blackburn." Lisa pointed out, "He is different with him."

"You worried it is because he is a cake eater?" Mandy asked with a knowing smile and Lisa gave a slight nod, "Eric pushes him...Jason is stubborn and thinks if he...acts like a human...he thinks he won't be able to push back as much...he used to talk to Harrington like Clay talks to him but now that Harrington is always in office and not in the field things have changed...and Bravo has changed. Has nothing to do with being a cake eater."

"Is bravo really that different from other teams?" Lisa asked.

"Yes." Mandy said. "With other teams I have basically no emotional connection...but these idiots..." She said waving between Jason, Clay and Sonny, "These idiots get under your skin."

* * *

As soon as they were on the ground Davis had them loaded into indig vehicles and on the road after Benga. "Bravo 1, be advised. Benga's in the lead vehicle, and they are coming in hot." Eric told Bravo.

"Let's go. Let's take 'em out before they know what hit 'em." Jason said, of course their plan was thrown out the window when the other cars started shooting at them but that was when Bravo did their best work, on the fly, out of instinct. They were the best at what they did.

"So much for plan A." Sonny said.

"Bravo 5, split left, take out the follow car." Jason ordered.

"Copy that." Trent said.

"Boss, they're bugging out. You want us to circle back?" Sonny said, not wanting to let anyone get away.

"Negative. Stay with Benga." Jason told him, not wanting to split up his team, and when Benga's car finally stopped and they got out Jason turned to Brock, "Brock, Cerberus."

"Hey, buddy, time to go to work." Brock told the dog, "Ready!"

"Send him." Jason ordered.

"Get him!"

"Get the dog, get the dog, get the Here, here!" Benga yelled as Cerberus attacked him.

"Jackpot." Jason smiled, he loved that stupid dog. "Havoc, this is 1. Passing Bear."

"Be nice if there was a new medical center around to stitch you up, huh? Oh, damn. That's right. You bombed it." Ray said as he bandaged up Benga.

"Those Americans had no idea what they were stepping into. The forces at play here. You soldiers are equally oblivious." Benga said.

"Bravo 1, this is Havoc Base. Nice work. Proceed to the drop-off at rally point 3."

"Havoc, this is 1. We got a slight medical situation. Need two minutes before we start to move." Jason said.

"I copy medical situation. Tango or Sierra?" Eric asked, anxiety evident in his voice.

"It's not one of ours." Jason assured him.

"Copy, 1." Eric said with a sigh of relief.

"Transfer site's 19 klicks down the road." Clay told Jason.

"Hey, you stay close. Don't want any surprises." Jason told Sonny, knowing they had to go back the way they came and may pass the car that they had let go.

"I'll ride behind you." Sonny told Jason.

"Yep." Jason nodded.

"You have no idea what I can give you." Benga interrupted.

"Shut him up." Jason yelled.

"Who I can give you." Benga said again.

"Shut him up, Ray." Jason told Ray.

"Gadiel Kande. He is alive." Benga repeated.

"He's not alive. We know where he is. He's in pieces." Ray said.

"I will tell you where to find him. Morning of July 1. Kiva Market. The security camera will show me and the man I met with. Kande. If you want Kande, you must hurry. He will soon hear of your presence and move from his hideout."

"Intel says Kande was vaporized in an air strike, boss. He's feeding us a big, steaming pile of bull." Ray shook his head.

"Oddly specific bull." Jason said, "Havoc, this is 1." Jason said into comms before relaying what Benga was telling them.

"Hey. You got two minutes to tell me everything you know about Kande." Jason said, "Go."

"And what do I get?"

"That's not my department."

"You understand, the man I'm handing you, he's the one that ordered those Americans killed. And the journalists last month. And the unpleasantness at that girls' school. As a dead man, Kande is more powerful than ever. Such a figure demands a high price."

"Why the hell is he wagging his jaw talking so much?" Sonny complained. He hated standing out there in the open.

"Yeah, it is a lot of talk, Sonny. It's a lot of talk. Until it leads us to where Kande is." Jason glared at Benga.

* * *

"That's the target address right there." Ray said, nodding to a dilapidated empty building they were driving up to in the dark cover of night.

"I wish he'd come out and fetch his copy of Warlord Monthly. Make it real quick for us." Sonny complained, everyone on Bravo knew his complaining wasn't actually a complaint...he loved missions like this.

"Building straight ahead's been confirmed vacant for our OP." Clay said.

"Copy that." Jason said, "Let's stash the truck and get set up inside." As the team walked towards the building Jason gave orders and the team split up in pairs to do what they needed to do to secure the building.

Once the team was huddled in the small room on the second level Jason nodded, "This will work."

"Wireless trail cams are all set up outside the perimeter in case anybody tries to creep up on us." Clay told them.

"And if Kande pokes his head out, we allowed to do more than just look?" Ray asked.

"Strictly observe and report." Jason said, "Watch the structure, document what we see."

"It's a high-risk babysitting job." Sonny said.

"Mm-hmm." Jason agreed with a small smile, nothing with them was ever just babysitting.

"Benga's men that got away are probably telling everybody that the Americans are in town. And we let 'em go." Sonny said, referring to the car that they chose to ignore when they went after Benga.

"Yes, we did. But who knew we'd be sticking around, huh?" Jason said with a shrug.

"If anybody tries to tip Kande off and he squirts off target, then what?" Clay asked.

"Somebody else's problem. Far as I'm concerned, we've accomplished our mission." Jason said before turning to the guys, "Sonny, you're first up. Ray, you're on scope. Clay, document everything they see. Relay it back to Havoc. Clear?"

"Yeah."

"Last time I took pictures, the mission went belly-up. Just saying." The ever superstitious Sonny reminded everyone.

"Good point. Ray? You're first up. Sonny, you're on scope." Jason said, "Havoc, this is 1. We've got eyes on."

"Copy, 1. Standing by for updates." Eric said.

"You. Sleep." Jason said, pointing to Clay as he laid back, head resting against Ray's hip.

* * *

"All right. What appears to be a window with newspapers covering it. What appears to be a can with burnt trash in it." Sonny listed all the obvious things for the tenth time as the sun came up and the village started to come to life.

"What appears to be a woman, 20 to 30, hanging laundry outside the east side of the property." Ray added.

"Any skivvies with what appears to be Kande's initials in them?" Sonny asked.

"That's a negative." Ray managed to say with a straight face.

"It's been a while. Anyone getting a vibe?" Jason asked as they were nearing the seventh hour of their observe and report.

"Burnt trash, newspaper on the windows. Bin Laden's Abbottabad hideout had all the same features. I think someone's inside." Clay said.

"Mm-hmm." Jason agreed.

"Says paper on the windows? Come on, brother, you know it gets a hundred degrees here most days. Maybe they're just trying to stay cool, yeah?" Ray pushed the kid.

"Yeah, or maybe they want to burn this trash so nobody searches it." Clay shrugged.

"That's possible." Jason said, he had no doubt the man was inside but he needed proof before they could do anything about it.

"But if it isn't Kande's hideout, they why did Benga send us here, you know?" Clay asked.

"Might have wanted his deal, and he tossed us a random address." Jason said.

"What appears to be the same damn jeep that's crawled by us twice, and the driver is eyeballing our pos." Sonny said.

"Could be just a random local." Ray told him.

"Or one of Kande's men." Sonny said, he had a feeling and his feelings were usually right.

"They're fighting age." Clay said, "If this is Kande's hideout, he's gonna have security, right?"

"I will Pale Rider this happy idiot. Just say the damn word." Sonny told Jason.

"We're here to watch. Keep watching." Jason told him.

"Another possibility is Benga told us to come to this dump so his men would know where we are, and they could avenge his capture." Sonny said.

"You're seeing shadows, Sonny." Ray rolled his eyes.

"Maybe. Are you sure you want to stick around and find out?" He drawled, going back to watching through the scope. Twenty minutes later the same Jeep circled around, "I'm telling you, this guy's a damn snitch. He had that snitchy glint in his eye."

"Relax, man. We're good, okay?" Clay asked Sonny.

"It's all too quiet, man. It's like a zombie movie just before they start to get their brains eaten out." Sonny said, spidey senses going overboard.

"Guys, we got something here." Clay said, as there was finally movement at the house.

"Ray." Jason said handing the scope over to his number two.

"Got 'em. Yeah, there it is." Ray said.

"Havoc, this is 1. Got two adult females leaving the target house. Sending pictures now." Jason said into the radio.

"Copy, 1. Receiving now. Stand by." Eric said.

"Havoc Base to Bravo 1. No matches to Kande affiliates. Havoc out." Davis answered.

* * *

"You know, boss, even if Kande's in there, I mean, those women could be hired help. They pull that trigger without knowing, and innocents could die." Ray told Jason.

"Guys like Kande kill people every day. You take him out, you save thousands. It's a hard choice on a hard reality." Sonny answered, always trigger happy.

"Yeah, but we don't have a positive I. D. on Kande. Which is less than what they had when they swung and missed." Ray pointed out.

"But we know how these guys operate. They hide behind civilians. They use them to save their own asses. They're a bunch of cowards." Clay said, saying exactly what Jason was thinking.

"So regardless of who's in there, you want to drop the house?" Ray asked.

"Hey, everyone knows who Kande is in this country. All right? What...what he does, what he stands for, that he kills. If he's in there, then those women are enablers, they're enemies." Clay defended his opinion.

"It's not that simple. Cultural difference going on here. Not sure the women here really have a choice." Jason pointed out. He didn't disagree with the kid, he just had done it enough times to have caught the fallout.

"Trail cam. We have more pressing issues, gentlemen. Told you this guy was creeping." Sonny pointed at the monitor.

"Sonny, Clay, check it out. Ray, you stay on scope." Jason said.

"Get your ass in here!" Clay growled as he pulled the man into the building, Sonny quickly closing the door behind him.

"Sonny, scope." Jason said jumping up and walking over to Clay, "This guy speak English?"

"Yeah." Clay answered, looking through the mans phone.

"Gadiel Kande he send you?" Jason growled.

"Kande's dead." The man told him.

"Who sent you?" Jason asked.

"No one." He told them.

"Okay. What were you doing here?"

"I'm I was scavenging."

"Scavenging what?"

"Copper wire."

"Copper wire." Jason repeated.

"I thought this was an empty building."

"Then why'd you circle it three times, chief?" Ray asked from the camera.

"What?"

"Kande is he in that house across the street?" Jason asked him.

"I-I don't know. I swear." The man answered, and Jason knew that the man was one of his men...Kande was suppose to be dead...and he didn't deny that he was alive."

"You got anything?" Jason asked Clay who was still going through the phone.

"It's all a local dialect. Kiswahili. I don't know it. But there's a contact in here named Benga."

"Benga's a common name in these parts. And Benga and Kande, they would've used code names, anyway." Ray said.

"These text messages, what do they say?" Clay asked.

"This is with my sister. Planning my mother's birthday! Please!"

"Hey, Ray, Ray, you got to get this." Sonny asked as a woman stepped out of the compound.

"She turned." Ray said, "We get it?"

"It's a blurred image." Jason said, "Havoc, this is 1. I've got a bad image of a fourth female entering the target building."

"Copy, Bravo 1." Davis said.

"Send me a picture of Kande's wife. Might have been her who went inside." Jason requested.

"Yeah, stand by, Bravo 1." Eric said.

"Jace, is it her?" Ray asked after they sent the photo through.

"Man. Could be her. I...I don't know. I don't know." Jason said, mad that he couldn't make the call.

"Tough call, brother, but you know what I'm gonna say." Ray said, he had been on the wrong side of the fallout before too and didn't want to do that again.

"What if it is her?" Jason asked.

"It is her, because Kande's here." Clay said.

"I agree with him, boss." Sonny said.

"You know, I could go on for hours listing air strikes that killed innocents. Strikes I called." Jason said with a sigh.

"Look, that's tough, boss, okay? Those victims, they chose to associate themselves with those targets, whether it's for religious beliefs, for social standing. They took themselves down with their kids." Clay told him.

"Did they?" Jason asked.

"I think so." Clay told him, now questioning himself.

"Hey. That door's starting to open up again." Sonny said.

"Ray." Jason said.

"Yep." Ray answered.

"Kids. At least four of them." Jason said, and in that instant he knew what call he would have to make.

"What do you want to do, J? Jet's inbound." Ray reminded him.

"I don't know." Jason said, hoping for more time.

"I found a text in here in his phone that has the address of this building in it." Clay said.

"To my wife. Saying where I was."

"Shut up." Jason snapped, the man was useless, even if he knew about Kande he wasn't in his inner circle.

"My ass you're updating your wife." Sonny shook his head.

"This could mean soldiers on the way. Man, we need to make a decision fast." Clay said.

"Bravo 1, this is Havoc Base. Be advised, ISR spotted two trucks carrying armed men towards your location. I'd suggest you exfil while you still can." Eric told them.

"How much time until the jets are overhead?" Jason asked.

"Twenty mics give or take." Ray answered.

* * *

"All Bravo elements, be advised, armed convoy is ten mics from your position." Eric told them.

"Copy that, Havoc. We're moving out." Jason said, "Havoc, this is 1. Permission to assault the house." Hail Mary...he knew he would get a no.

"Say again, 1?" Eric said, questioning the sanity of Jason.

"Still too many unknowns here. Getting eyes on the inside only way to confirm Kande's presence and reduce collateral damage. Everything else is just debatable." Jason told him.

"Master Chief Hayes, I'm ordering you to make the call on the wife, then leave the building immediately." General Trask answered.

"Copy that. Stand by." Jason said.

"Got no reason to think Kande's wife means anything, brother. Even if that is her. She ratted him out a year ago why would she still be with him?" Ray said.

"We've both been here before. I make this call and I'm wrong, we both know how this plays out." Jason said.

"Yes, we have, and yes, I do. But it's your call, J." Ray told him, thankful he was not Bravo Leader.

"Havoc, this is 1. We got eyes on the target in question. It's not Kande's wife. Say again, it's not Kande's wife. Call off the strikes." Jason said, he didn't have eyes, hell, he wasn't even looking outside...but those kids...they didn't deserve to die on a maybe.

"Copy, 1. Relaying." Eric said.

"Let's move out." Jason told Bravo.

* * *

The look Eric gave Jason when they got back was one of definite approval. He knew that call he had to make was impossible, and he was proud that Jason had the balls to say no and risk pissing off the General. When they got on the plane Eric handed Jason a pack of beer to share with the guys before he went up front to conference with Harrington.

Jason said down next to Ray who was quick to shake his head, "No, man. I'm good. I...I had too much the other night. I'm good."

"Come on." Jason said waging the pack in front of him, "You've been hitting it hard lately, huh? Almost getting blown up by Jenna that rattle you?" Jason asked.

"No, actually, the exact opposite. Standing next to that bomb, I didn't feel a damn thing. That's what's bugging me." Ray told him.

"You all right, man? What's going on with you? Hmm?" Jason asked, flashing back to what Emma had told him a few weeks ago.

"Trying to figure that out, brother. You know, what we do, we see so much evil." Ray told him with a shrug.

"Yeah, yeah, we see it, and put it to bed. That's what we do. It's our job." Jason said, knowing it was never that easy.

"Yeah, but it never goes away." Ray said, looking down at his hands.

"Another story, huh?" Jason asked.

"I mean, I always had faith that it would. You know, eventually, that it would go away. That good would conquer evil. But maybe maybe the reason evil blooms in certain places is, maybe then God's not maybe God's not there in those places. I mean, if he was, why doesn't he do something about it all?" Ray rambled, saying the words out loud for the first time.

"I don't know. Don't know." Jason said, knowing how hard that was for Ray to admit.

"Everything has a price, right, J?" Ray asked him.

"Mm-hmm, it does." Jason agreed, feeling the weight he carried everyday on his shoulders.

"Maybe that's what this job does. Cost of war isn't just paid on the battlefield. I mean, it comes home with us, right? Steals from us our lives, our marriages. Maybe even our faith." Ray said, looking to his Master Chief.

"Hey. You good?" Jason asked, the look in Ray's eyes scaring him.

"Yeah, I'm good." Ray lied.

"Yeah? Are you sure?" Jason asked, knowing the man was far from okay but now was not the right time to talk to him.

"Hey, I'm just talking, man." Ray smiled.

"All right, just take one." He said holding the beer in front of him, "Hold on to that one right there. Grab it."

* * *

"Hey." Davis said, kicking Sonny's hammock.

"Whoa. Hey, look at you. Bless your heart." Sonny said, lifting his hat and smiling when he saw Davis with a beer in her hand.

"So, another international incident averted?" Davis asked.

"Unless, uh, one of Kande's men blows up a mall tomorrow. Then we'll be asking the eternal question "What if?" for the rest of our days." Sonny drawled.

"Yeah, but it still wouldn't prove he was in that house." Davis shrugged.

"So I'm guessing, uh, you think we made the right call, being, uh, that you're so risk-averse and everything?" Sonny questioned, reminding her that he was still very much interested in more.

"Ha-ha. Okay, ha-ha. Right, I deserved that." Davis smiled.

"Uh-huh." Sonny said taking a swig of the beer.

"Look, I don't want to throw our friendship away on a whim. But I also don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering what if?" Lisa smiled at him.

"Oh, okay." Sonny said, sitting up a little bit, "Uh I'm not sure if, uh, it's the beer I'm drinking or the sleeping pill I took. I'm not quite tracking what you're saying. But, uh, are-are you saying what I think you're saying?"

"Yeah."

"Too good to resist." Sonny chuckled.

"Oh, God. See you on the ground." Lisa laughed before walking away.

* * *

"Stop reading there, numnuts." Jason said as he walked up and sat down next to Clay.

"Hey." He said as he closed his book.

"Come on." Jason said, handing him a beer.

"Don't know there's much to celebrate." Clay shrugged, still on the fence about not making the call.

"Look, if you were in charge, you wouldn't have argued against the strike?" Jason asked.

"I don't know, boss. You know? By my math, even with 80% certainty he was in that house, we'd likely save a lot of lives taking that shot." Clay told him.

"Right. Would have said the same thing if I was in your shoes, but if I drop that ball, and I'm wrong, ooh, there are bigger, long-term ramifications. I mean, making a call off of incomplete intelligence? Not worth it. Not worth it at all. Besides, Kande he's he's on the CIA list, and if I know Mandy, and I know Mandy, she's definitely gonna get him." Jason told him, the kid was smart but he didn't have the experience yet. Jason needed him to be taught how to do things well so that when he was ready to retire he could trust that Bravo was still in solid hands.

"Solid point."

"Yeah."

"Guess it's, uh it's easy for me to call the shots when it's theoretical." Clay said, thinking through Jason's explanation. Sometimes it was okay not to jump the gun.

"Yeah, well, one day, when you're running your own team, you'll think of it differently." Jason smiled at him.

"You think I can handle my own team?" Clay asked, and Jason hated how unsure of himself he still was at times.

"Yeah, you're good, but you're not that good yet. Got to earn it. You don't have the experience."

"Thanks, boss." Clay smiled.

"Yeah. One other thing. If you tell anybody I said that you're good, I'm gonna have to kill you." Jason smiled.

"You uh, you talk to Emma yet?"

"Going by the school when we land. Take her to dinner or something and see if I can get on her good side again."

"Where's Mikey?"

"Mom's in town."

"Hey Jace?"

"Yeah Kid?"

"You really think I could have my own team someday?"

"Don't think...I know." Jason smiled before walking up to his hammock to lay down.

* * *

Walking into the auditorium Jason saw Emma standing next to a piano singing into a microphone and he felt the goosebumps. Her voice was angelic and he saw instantly just how it could calm Clay as quickly as it did. He just felt peaceful, standing there, watching her. "Well done." The teacher told her as the bell rang.

"Okay, guys, see you tomorrow." Emma said to her classmates, looking up at her Dad before walking over to him.

"Been a while since I've seen you perform." He told her.

"Mm." She acknowledged.

"Wow. Amazing. Really, it's You sounded great." Jason told her nervously, "You know, I...I realized I never really understood what, uh college means to you, or what it is for you. I...It's singing, right? I mean, you...you, singing is your life? That's what you want to do with your life is sing?" He asked her, hoping she didn't take his question the wrong way.

"I don't know, but I don't have to have it all figured out yet." She told him, echoing what Clay had told her before, Jason had overheard that conversation...on multiple different occasions.

"Of course you don't." Jason agreed, he always thought she would go into nursing with how much time she spent at the VA Hospital.

"And if this is your way of saying I shouldn't go because I don't have everything plotted out, that's completely stupid." She said, defensive, and well deserved...he had missed the fact that she got into her dream school and he was lucky she was even talking to him.

"You should go. They'd be lucky to have you." He told her with a small smile.

"You're okay with this?" Emma asked, seeing the change in her Dad and wondering what had happened on their spinup.

"Um Emma, this is not about me, it's not about my life. It's about your life." He told her, wishing he could go back in time and be there more for her during her childhood.

"I know it'll make things harder on you and Mikey, you not having me to lean on. I could defer a year." She told him, trying instantly to take care of him.

"No, you're not gonna defer. We'll be okay here. This is your call now, your choice. You can do this, and I'm gonna be supporting you the whole way through. Always gonna be here for you like you were here for me...you know, when Mom died, you let me go. So I owe you one, okay?" He said, fighting the tears in his eyes as she nodded as she hugged herself against him. "Got it?" He asked and she just hugged him tighter. "I love you. Okay?"

"Love you too." She told him. "What changed your mind?"

"Walk and talk?" He asked and she nodded. When they got outside she took his hand in hers, "All of the guys knew what Tisch was...what it meant to you...I..."

"So the boys changed your mind?" She asked, defensive again, Bravo always came first.

"Yes...No...uh...for them all to know how much Tisch means to you...for Sonny to know who graduated from there...I've been stuck in my own head and...I am so scared I am going to screw up...I don't know how to do this." He said waving his hand around his head, "I don't know how to function without your Mom...and I have been..."

"A mess." Emma finished for him, "Yeah...we've all noticed." Taking the keys from her Dad's hand she walked to the truck, "Let's go visit Mom."

* * *

As soon as they landed the team split up and Clay went straight home where he did a load of laundry and cleaned out his fridge before packing a bag and driving straight back to the base. If he had any chance of having his own team he needed to focus. To focus he needed to live no other life than that of a SEAL.

After going an extra round at the gym he went back to the cages where he hooked up his hammock and settled in for the night. After sending Emma a text he got a call back, "Why are you at work?" She asked him and he could hear noise in the background so knew she likely was still with Jason.

"Don't want to be at home...need to focus on my future."

"Your future huh? By sleeping in a hammock instead of a bed?" Emma said, knowing how Clay's brain worked.

"What?" Clay could hear Jason ask in the background.

"I need to find myself." Clay said.

"And you are going to do that by living in your cage?"

"I don't know how to do it at the apartment."

"This about seeing Stella before you left?"

"I think I still love her."

"You tell her?"

"No. We left..."

"Are you going to tell her?"

"I don't...if I do and she doesn't..."

"You can come stay here again you know."

"What's wrong with him?" He heard Jason ask.

"Nothing Dad." Emma said, "Clay I don't think I like you staying there."

"I don't know how to focus another way." Clay said leaning his head back.

"Promise me you will call me before you make any crazy life changes?"

"You know I can't do anything without talking to you." Clay told her.

"Yeah...I mean I know you are kinda pathetic and all...needing to consult a high schooler before..." Emma said super sarcastically.

"Oh my God you are a brat." Clay laughed.

"Needed to hear you laugh." She said, evident that she was smiling.

"Don't know what I would do without you, Emm."

"Tell him it can't be obvious he is living there." Jason said, "And remind him his dumb ass can stay here."

"You hear that?" Emma laughed.

"I did." Clay smiled, "I am going to be okay."

"Will you call me in the morning?"

"Yeah."

"Love you Bud."

"Love you too." Clay said before hanging up and setting his phone down on his shelf and pulling out his book.

* * *

"Do you know that the guys used to call and talk to Mom too? She was like their shrink or something..." Emma told Jason once the two made it back home and were sitting out in the garage.

"Know Sonny did." Jason said from under his car.

"The whole team did...even Eric...when she died...it wasn't just us that lost her."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because." Emma said pulling on his foot so he slid out from under the car, "You do not have to deal with everything alone and you won't get that through your head."

"On the flight there I cried." Jason blurted out.

"Okay?"

"Sat down by Davis thinking..."

"Thinking she was neutral." Emma smiled, "Lisa is family too, Dad."

"When I tried to run she grabbed my arm." Jason said, looking down at her arm.

"Daddy, people need to be touched...to be hugged. Did you know that a human needs at least 8-10 meaningful touches a day?"

"What?"

"You only ever let Mom touch you...when she died...Dad you still need touch." Emma said sitting down on the creeper next to him, leaning against his side and taking his greasy hand in hers. "When people touch you your body naturally seeks affection.

"You telling me that her grabbing my arm is what..."

"Science Dad." Emma smiled.

"You sure you want to go to art school?" Jason asked with a smirk.

"You do know that Tisch is one of the schools that is part of NYU...right?"

"What?"

"You said there was not math and science."

"Or football."

"Tisch does not have math and science but the other schools at NYU do and when I am accepted to one I am accepted to all of them...but my main classes will be relating to singing and recording art."

"So you getting pissed at me..."

"Was because you don't listen."

"I am listening now."

"And talking." Emma smirked, "I am proud of you, you are learning."


	29. Chapter 29

"It's a big decision you got there." Victoria said, coming up behind Jason as he stared at the case of milk unable to decide what to get.

"Hey. Hi. Victoria. Didn't see you there." He said turning around and closing the cooler door.

"Mm-hmm. No, you were you were lost downrange. You were very mission-focused." She smiled.

"Well you know, way more decisive in the field. Tell you, when it comes to milk, it's a whole different story. Emma likes skim. Mikey likes whole. It's like I'm playing Russian roulette when I'm in the dairy section." It wasn't just the milk that made him feel that way, anything with his kids it seemed.

"I've been there." Victoria told him.

"Good to see you." Jason smiled.

"It is. You, too. Last month was great. You know, I keep, uh, hoping you're gonna swing by the cafe again." Victoria told him.

"Oh, you know, I've been busy. Work. You know, and, uh, kids."

"Be nice to catch up. Have you, um, tried the new place on Circle Drive?"

"Olivo's? Emma's been dying to try that place. She says her taste buds are way too sophisticated for the greasy spoons I'm taking her to."

"Um, what about Friday night?"

"Friday? No. Emma, pinning her down on the weekend, forget it."

"Well, that's okay, 'cause I was thinking, uh just the two of us."

"Yeah. Sure, okay." Jason said, looking at her in the eye for the first time. They had known each other for decades, both had lost their spouse...as much as they didn't make sense, they made sense.

"Okay, it's settled. Friday."

"Yeah, Olivo's."

Victoria smiled, "Um go for the one percent. It's a compromise, so..."

"Okay. One percent it is."

"One percent."

"That's a good idea."

"Everybody's happy."

"Yeah."

"I will see you Friday Jason." Victoria smiled before heading off the other direction, leaving him alone with the milk. Is it weird to go to dinner with Victoria? He couldn't get the question out of his head. Adam was dead. Alana was dead. In a way they made sense...but it was his brother's wife. He knew they would always be in each others lives...that it was his duty to take care of her and Hannah now that Adam was gone, and she knew Victoria felt the same way because of Alana even before Adam was killed but...it was weird.

* * *

"How's it going?" Clay said walking into the cages, finding Jason sitting in his, after his grocery run he dropped everything at home and then went onto base to go to the gym and try and clear his head only to find Clay's duffel sitting under his hammock balled up on the shelf so instead of working out he sat and waited for the kid to come back.

"Walk of shame, huh?" Jason asked him when he came in.

"That obvious?" Clay asked, trying to pull it off.

"Yeah." Jason said, wondering how far Clay would go to try and hide what he was doing. "What was her name?"

"Lisa. No, Lizzie." Clay stumbled.

"Well, it sounds serious. So what, you're staying here now? Bunking in the cages?" Jason asked, already knowing the answer and Clay sighed and gave in.

"Uh, yeah, you know, I just I don't know, figured I need a little change of scenery. Try and focus on the thing that matters most in my life, being a Navy SEAL." Clay said as he leaned against the door to his cage.

"That's the case, then you got to come out tonight, meet Swanny." He smiled at the Kid, going out with the boys would be good for him, the rest of the team already knew Brett was in town, hell, most of them knew before he did.

"Brett Swann?" Clay asked, he had heard a few of the guys talk about him and his Dad for sure had talked about him over the years but he had never met the man.

"Mm-hmm." Jason affirmed, wondering what all Clay had heard.

"Gee, that guy's a legend, man."

"He's a frogman's frogman. Hell-raiser back in the day. Hope he's not going as strong as he used to, because that's just gonna catch up to you. Burn you out. Know what I mean?" Jason said, knowing that Swanny was barely clinging to reality after his discharge from active duty. He needed Clay to see the difference in his father's life as a SEAL and Brett's because the two were very different and it was important to see how choices made now can turn into very different futures.

"Yeah. I hear you." Clay said sitting down.

"Gotta find a balance, Clay." Jason said.

"Did Emma tell you I ran into Stella before we got spun up?" He asked, sitting down in his hammock.

"Mentioned it."

"She tell you I think I still love her?" Jason nodded. "I need to find who I am...without her...and she is all over that apartment."

"So redecorate." Jason shook his head.

"I thought I was going to marry her."

"Have you called her since we have been back?"

"No...I..."

"Got a lot of learning left to do kid...and living in the cages...not a good way to go...trust me on that."

"You have stayed here?"

"When Alana and I separated...I stayed here until the boys figured it out...wasn't a good time."

"I don't want to have to rely on anyone."

"You will always have a home at my house. You need to know that."

"How is bunking up with Emma or Mikey any better than being here?" Clay asked, knowing his answer before he even finished asking the question. "Got it Jace." Clay said when Jason stood in front of him with his arms crossed. "So what is the plan tonight?"

* * *

Having the whole team out to the bar at the same time was a rare event it seemed, and Jason was taking advantage, spending his time checking in on his boys while giving Clay the most space. It was easy to do though because he had quickly attached himself to Brett. The two had very similar personalities and while it worried Jason he thought it may help Clay to get his head back a little closer to reality. The Swanny that he had come to know was always the center of attention, always had a story to tell, usually exaggerated but all with a basis of truth...the Brett Swann post active duty was one who had a serious struggle with the bottle and living in the past. Jason smiled as Brett told a story that was entirely true...he would know, he was there. "So, I'm tangled in a tree, hanging there. There's Taliban all over. I got to got to cut free or I'm dead. But there's a there's a dog below me, a puppy."

"A puppy?" Clay asked.

"Yeah. Yeah, staring right up at me with these big, brown eyes. And he won't move. If I if I cut away, I'll I'm gonna drop straight down and crush him."

"Is this for real?" A bar fly asked.

"Mm-hmm." Jason smiled,

"Yeah, the puppy was real."

"You risked your life for a puppy?" The other bar fly asked.

"Oh, of course. Well, what SEAL wouldn't? So, I start swinging. I, uh, get some momentum. I cut my line. I fall on a bunch of rocks, but I miss the dog, who...who slobbers all over my face. I broke an ankle, and I separated my shoulder, but that dog followed me around the rest of deployment." He twisted his ankle and had to be carried back to the LZ...he did separate his shoulder though, but not enough to warrant anything more than tape.

"He really did?" The girls asked about the puppy.

"Yeah." Brett laughed, "Yeah. Even better, we brought we brought him back with us. We got him adopted. And you can feel where I broke my shoulder. Feel it right there."

"Oh, my God, I can feel it."

"Yeah, told you."

"Ooh."

"You want a beer?" He asked the girls, "Beers?"

"Yeah." They nodded, who wouldn't want a free drink?

"Joe, get some beers for the ladies." Brett smiled at the bartender.

"So, what are you doing back in town, man?" Clay asked.

"Running away from the former Mrs. Brett Swann, as not to be confused with the first and second former Mrs. Brett Swann." Brett laughed.

"Swanns." Brock laughed.

"Just, uh, just reliving the old glory days, huh?" Clay asked him.

"Oh, yeah. Back to the last place I felt alive. Try to crush that one up." Brett answered him.

"And, look, there's so there's..." Brett went on, but Jason's focus turned to the table with Ray and Naima who were laughing about movie night with the kids.

"Stop. No, listen, there's this reindeer named Spin." Ray laughed, trying to explain his daughters favorite movie.

"Listen what? Reindeer?" Jason asked, laughing.

"Spin? Right, babe?"

"Sven." Naima corrected.

"Sven. Yes. That's why I got the antlers."

"You're telling me that you actually wear the antlers while you're watching Frozen?" Jason asked.

"Yes. Yes."

"Well, I'm sorry." Jason laughed as he pictured Ray in reindeer antlers.

"At least he looks good in them, Jason."

"I look good in them." Ray smirked, knowing just how ridiculous he sounded.

"Okay. Can he sing, too?"

"Yeah, he can."

"Oh, you know what, you can't ruin this for me, man." Ray laughed, he knew he was going over the top but he had finally talked Naima into going out with him and wanted her to have a good time.

"Uh, well, maybe Jason's just jealous."

"Of the antlers."

"Fishing for an invite to."

"You know, maybe, uh maybe I got plans, okay?" Jason said, thinking of Victoria.

"Oh, you got Friday night plans? What you getting into?"

"Don't worry about it."

"He ain't got no plans."

"Mm-mm." Jason said as he walked back over to the bar, leaving Ray with his wife, it was refreshing to see them out together and hoped that it meant Ray was doing better.

"Oh, hey, there." A long time bar fly smiled Jason's way. "Yeah. I, uh, I heard your reindeer story."

"You liked that?" Jason asked.

"It was funny. I liked it."

"Yeah."

"Um, you want to join me for a drink?"

"I would, but, um..." Jason really had no excuse, he just didn't want the guys to see him hook up with anyone just yet.

"Yeah." She smiled.

"I'll take a rain check on that." He told her before looking around, "Okay." Jason said, eying Sonny and Davis as they huddled together, trying to hear what they were saying but only really seeing their body language towards each other.

"So, you know, team's all here." Sonny said to Lisa as he leaned in, he could see Jason watching them but really didn't care.

"Yeah."

"No better time than now to tell everybody."

"What do you want me to tell them? You want me to tell them that we're having an illicit affair?" Lisa teased.

"Oh, illicit. I like the sound of that." Sonny laughed, "Illicit. That sounds real dirty, huh?"

Lisa laughed, "You're horrible."

"Mm. No, seriously, I'm talking about OCS. You know, you're leaving pretty soon, and you haven't said a word to anybody." Sonny said, he hated that she hadn't told anyone yet, hated having any secrets from his boys.

"Come on, Sonny. What, you want me to steal Swanny's spotlight?" She said, nodding to were a roar of laughter was coming as Brett told another story.

"Swanny's always a spotlight." Sonny told her, "Don't worry about him. You know, why not now?"

"They're gonna be disappointed, you know, me going off to be a cake-eater." She told him.

"No chance. You know that. They'll have your back. What's really stopping you?" Sonny asked, knowing her better than that.

"What if I don't cut it? You know, I don't think I could I couldn't handle coming up short."

"There's nothing in life that I've ever seen that you can't handle. Okay? Now, look, before I made Green Team, I was always worried about washing out. And then I saddled up, and I'm living my dream, okay? You've earned the right to live your dream. And you will. Okay?"

"Okay." She said nervously, she loved how supportive Sonny had been, and so patient with her.

"Okay?" He asked again.

"Okay." She finally smiled.

"Okay?"

"All right, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it." Lisa smiled, finally feeling ready to tell the guys only to have all their phones start ringing and buzzing.

"Oh, hesitation kills." Sonny said as Jason walked over, headed back towards Brett to say goodbye.

"Look at that." Lisa smiled nervously, "Last one with you guys."

"I'm guessing you'll keep yourself entertained, huh, while we're gone." Jason said, coming over and putting his hand on Brett's shoulder.

"Yeah, don't worry about me. I'll manage." Brett told him, smiling at the girls.

"Yeah."

"See you."

"See you, Swann." Jason said quickly.

"You know, I never realized how much I'd miss getting shot at till the bullets stopped coming my way." Brett said, causing Jason to hang back.

"Your luck's gonna change."

"Yeah."

"All right, man." Jason told him, he had to go...he wished he didn't, he knew Brett wasn't okay...but he didn't have a choice.

"Hey, Jace."

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry about Alana. That I, you know, didn't make the funeral." Brett told him, Jason knew that he had been drunk, that he had been in the VA, that really he had no money to travel because of his drinking. He had asked around after the funeral, Brett being the only one of his former teammates not to find a way to be there.

"Yeah. I get it. Good to see you, Swanny." Jason said, not even realizing how much it had hurt that the man he had looked up to did not make it back...but that was what PTSD and all the other shit that they were put through did to them. Took their humanity away, their purpose...they could only be on the teams for so long...then what? That was why family was so important to him, he only wished he had realized just how important it was before Alana was killed.

* * *

"Taimur Zaman. Hezbollah's biggest financier and mastermind." Mandy started briefing Bravo on their next target. "The 2012 bus bombing in Bulgaria, as well as a string of bombings in Lebanon and Israel."

"This guy Zaman's been an issue for years. Why we going after him now?" Jason asked.

"A series of IED attacks in Afghanistan linked to Zaman has killed a dozen American soldiers in the last two months. Two just yesterday." Eric told them.

"Zaman's survived this long by staying outside of Afghanistan. It's hard to imagine he's operating there in our backyard now." Ray said.

"He's not in Afghanistan. Zaman's taken up safe harbor in Iran." Mandy told them.

"Well, Iran's kryptonite for pencil pushers and cake-eaters, so there's no chance in hell they're gonna let us operate in there." Sonny said.

"Zero chance." Mandy agreed.

"Be a good way to start a war." Clay said.

"Would be. But we have verified intel that Zaman is traveling to a town called Hajiabad to meet some Hezbollah higher-ups. Hajiabad sits on the edge of the Iran-Afghanistan border." Mandy said.

"We're still gonna be sneaking and creeping into Iran to get him." Sonny said.

"We're not going into Iran. And this is not a capture mission. You've been authorized to eliminate Zaman. This is a special programs op." Eric told the guys.

"That why they didn't want to use a deployed team." Jason said.

"Yeah. No one can know about this one." Eric said turning to look at the guys.

"It's imperative that you take the shot outside of Iran on the Afghan side of the border." Mandy said, looking directly at Jason.

"No easy day." Jason said, focusing on the map that Mandy pointed at.

"Wheels up in two hours." Eric said. "Do what you need to do."

Jason went back to the cages and quickly called Emma and his Mom letting them know he was leaving and where to find Mikey's schedule. Two seconds after hanging up with Emma he saw Clay pick up his phone and call...it didn't take a rocket scientist to know who he was talking to. When it was time for them to head over to the landing strip he stuck his head in the cage and smiled, "Tell her I love her and we will be back before this weekend."

"I will call you when I can. Love you too." He said before hanging up the phone.

"Love you too huh?" Jason teased.

"Should I not...?"

"Come on Kid." Jason smiled, putting his arm around Clay's shoulders, "She just doesn't say it to very many people."

"Really?" Clay asked.

"Her Mom didn't either...the kids, me, Sonny, Seavers and Harrington's...in the twenty years I knew her that was it."

"Huh."

"How you know she actually cares, Kid." Jason said as they walked back into the skif for the final update preflight.

* * *

"Latest intel confirms this as the target house. Zaman and Hezbollah are set to meet in two days." Mandy told the guys.

"Okay, well, I'm looking at terrain. There's not many options." Jason said, this was going to be a hard shot, "I mean, look, there's a rocky outcropping here. We get an angle on the house. What do you think, Ray? .338 Lapua?"

"No other cover or concealment, we'd be hanging it out there. Especially if we get seen. There's no easy escape." Ray told him.

"What are you thinking? Longer shot from a hide?" Jason asked him.

"We can build one here. Looks like enough vegetation to get cozy." Ray shrugged.

"How long do you think that is?" Sonny asked."Is that 1,500 meters? That is a long shot."

"Yeah, well, don't confuse distance with difficulty, Sonny it's gonna be a hard shot no matter what." Ray told him.

"I've made harder." Clay said.

"Quickscoping on Call of Duty does not count, Spencer." Ray teased, he knew how good of a shot the kid was, just didn't want him getting too cocky.

"Right." Jason smirked. "Okay. So, what's the infil plan?"

"Dropping you in at a distance with the Osprey. You're looking at a 20-klick patrol to Hajiabad." Eric told them.

"Ooh. What if Zaman's men counterattack?" Clay asked. "Then our government might recognize borders, but Hezbollah doesn't."

"Our thinking is they'll hunker down after Zaman falls. During the chaos, you guys will patrol back to the LZ. Safe in, safe out." Eric answered.

"Safe in, safe out." Jason repeated.

* * *

"There's a lot of ways for this one to go south. Gonna take a hell of a shot." Jason said, sitting down next to Ray on the plane.

"Yeah. Good thing you're rolling with a hell of a shooter." Ray said, talking about Clay.

"Oh, yeah?" Jason asked, "It was good to see you out with Naima."

"Oh, yeah, man, I'm trying to win back points with her."

"Yeah. Everything good?"

"Yeah. Yeah."

"Yeah?"

"It's just, you know..." Ray said before quickly changing the subject, "Hey, I couldn't help but notice that blonde..."

"Yeah."

"At the, uh, bar giving you the business."

"Mm-hmm."

"Smoke-show, right?"

"Oh, yeah."

"Ready to start dating again?"

"Yeah, I'm thinking about dating. It's just, uh everything with the kids, you know? Mikey and Emma. I don't want to rock the boat at home right now." Jason shrugged, could he tell Ray about the dinner he had scheduled with Victoria?

"Oh, well, the past few months, you've been focused on everyone but yourself. Nobody'd think twice if you got back out there. Just no barflies, 'cause you got a lot on your plate."

"Okay."

"Might be nice to have someone to talk to."

"Why don't you get some shut-eye like this guy right here?" Jason said, throwing things at Brock who was zonked out on the floor of the plane.

"Yeah. You, too." Ray smiled, "He ain't even flinching."

"You sure you are doing okay?" Jason asked.

"Yeah, I am good. Not sure about the kid though...he's been staying in the cages." Ray told him, anything to get the subject off of himself.

"Yeah. Said he saw Stella before the last spin up...claims he wants to get his head in the game."

"You believe him?"

"He still loves her. That I believe."

"He talk to Sonny about it?"

"If he has talked to anyone other than Emma about it it would have been him. He didn't say though."

"How are you doing with Emma getting ready to go to New York?"

"If anything happens to her there I am going to kill him." Jason said, looking over at Clay as he slept in his hammock next to Sonny.

* * *

"That's Hajiabad. Border with Iran's about a klick and a half."

"Eric, this is 1. We pass Crystal."

"Good copy, Bravo 1. Passing Crystal. Havoc out."

"How's your line of sight? It's far, but it's in range."

"Target house?"

"Yeah, clear line of sight."

"Looks good."

"All right, boys, let's get to work. Ray, Sonny. Break out the hide. The rest of you pull security. Only a few hours to sunup. Let's get it built." "Havoc, this is 1. You have any updates before we get to work?"

"Yeah. Intel says your HVT is on the move. Minimum of five hours before he arrives on target. Havoc out."

"Hurry up and wait time." Clay mumbled into comms as he lay on his stomach while Sonny and Ray set up their cover.

"Quit bitching Goldilocks. Can't have bullets flying all the time." Sonny told him, looking over at Jason who was just shaking his head, laying ten feet away from the kid.

* * *

"How much longer?" Clay asked, waking up from a short nap.

"You're like a kid in the back of the station wagon." Ray shook his head.

"Last COMMs window had him two hours out." Jason said without opening his eyes.

"Well what do you say there, Ricky Schroder, we make ourselves a little wager till our friend shows up." Sonny smiled as he pulled out a pack of saltines.

"Sonny, the last time we wagered, you ended up in an American flag bikini running down Main Street." Clay laughed at the memory.

"That's right, and Old Glory never looked better. You know what this is?" Sonny said holding up the pack of crackers. "You got two minutes to eat these crackers."

"Mm-hmm." Clay smiled.

"Now, if you fail, which you will all right? You got to detail my motorcycle with a toothbrush, wearing a very sexy bikini. Okay? If you succeed, which you won't, I will wax your Nova butt-naked." Sonny challenged.

"Sonny, I'm a thoroughbred. You don't think I can do the old cracker challenge?" Clay boasted.

"Okay." Jason said, opening his eyes. In all his time in the navy he had never seen anyone pull off the cracker challenge.

"Okay, hey, no water, though. You take one sip, and it is wax on, wax off," Sonny said.

"Yeah." Clay smiled, taking the crackers.

"And some very sexy bikini lines." Sonny laughed.

"Never gonna get him, man." Jason said.

"I got this." Clay nodded.

"This is Go. You ain't got anything, man."

"Oh-ho. No big deal."

"You got it."

"Hey."

"And the ones on the ground, too. You got to eat those as well. That's the whole cracker, counting every crumb."

"Look at how slow that jaw's moving. It's dry like the desert. Dry like the Sahara." Sonny mocked as Clay started gagging on the crackers.

"Hey, you're done, buddy." Jason laughed.

"He's done." Ray laughed.

"Yeah, yeah." Clay said after chugging some water as the guys laughed at him.

"This never gets old." Jason smiled.

"We're at 25 seconds." Ray said quickly.

"Hold up, boys, we may have a problem."

"What do you got?"

"Not sure."

"That's our target house. What do you think they're up to?"

"I don't know, they're concerned about something."

"Think they're calling an audible?"

"They're pointing at another building. Looks like they're moving the meet."

"Considering what we're about to do, they're not wrong. What's the eye in the sky say?" Clay mumbled.

"Havoc, this is 1. I'm looking at what appears to be, uh, enemy soldiers leaving the target house. You got anything you can tell us about them?"

"Yeah, copy, 1. Let me see what we can find."

"We can't be burned already."

"They've definitely moved the meet."

"Yeah. Bravo 1, this is Havoc Base. It appears the meet is moving to a new location 75 meters southwest of the original target location. How copy?"

"Copy. Meet's moving 75 meters southwest. New location's out of our line of sight. We don't have the shot. I'm not seeing any acceptable spots for Bravo Team to build a new sniper hide. There's no clear line of sight to the new target house."

"No way we make that shot from here, boss." Ray said.

"Right." Jason acknowledged.

"Bravo 1, this is Havoc. We've found a possible new observation point. It's about 300 meters north of your pos. Do you see it?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I see it. It's nothing but flat green between us and FFP. Even if we do stalk all the way out there, we'll be hanging out like a dog's balls."

"What other options do we have? Wait here for nightfall and sneak out without ever taking a shot?"

"Havoc, this is 1. We see the position you're talking about."

"You think you can make a shot from there?"

"Yeah, we need confirmation that we got clean line of sight to that new target house."

"How long before you can get something up over that position?"

"Two mikes to confirm. Stand by."

"I can make that shot." Clay said.

"I know you can make the shot. So can Ray. I need you here with your rifle, covering us, to get to that O-P, got it?" Jason told Clay, he couldn't have the both of them go out even if he thought Clay had a better shot...if something happened to him Emma would need Clay.

"Okay." Clay said grabbing his rifle and moving so he had a better view.

"Ray."

"I'll grab my stuff."

"Bravo 1, this is Havoc. Line of sight from the new FFP is clean. How copy?"

"Copy that, Havoc. Bravo 1 out." Jason said, "Now all we got to do is get there."

"We're about halfway there. Out of all the situations we've been thrown into, brother, we never hung it out there like this." Ray said, feeling the anxiety.

"Hey, Ray?"

"Yeah?"

"Have a little faith."

"Yeah. Faith."

"Awful quiet there, McDreamy. Oh, let me guess: you think you should be the one taking the shot." Sonny said to Clay as the two kept watch on the boys.

"Yep."

"Thought so. You know, maybe you should be pulling the trigger, but there ain't no need for you to act like somebody peed in your cornflakes."

"Just want to pull my share. But I respect Jason's call."

"Now, easy there, little buddy. Don't get too respectful. I don't want to go back to being the biggest pain in the ass on the team."

"They're about a hundred yards from the new position. Looks like they're gonna make it." Clay said, looking through the binoculars.

"Shh. Don't jinx it. Ah, come on, man. Look what you done."

"Freeze." Clay said into the radio.

"Can't see from our position. What do you got?"

"Got a guy walking towards you. He's glassing." Clay said.

"You think you can take that shot?" Sonny asked.

"No. Jason and Ray took the . 338." Clay told him, "All right, he's walking back. You're clear."

"Good. We're moving." Jason said as they started crawling again. "Line of sight to the target building. We're in business. Havoc, this is 1. We got eyes on the new target building. This will be our new FFP."

"Good copy, Bravo 1. We just picked up HVT's vehicle on ISR. He's ten klicks out. ETA seven minutes."

"Hey, Ray, time to pay the bills. I'll call wind for you, old-school, huh?"

"I'm gonna need it out here."

"Yeah, that's right."

"Hey, boss, you got a problem. You got two kids, about 700 meters from your pos. They appear to be flying a kite." Clay said into comms.

"I'll be damned if we can't catch a break today, boss. If this thing goes south, ain't nobody better find out we got done in by two kids flying kites. 'Cause I'll tell you what, it's gonna give me a serious case of the red ass. There's no way we'll take those kids prisoners. We'll never get the shot." Sonny said.

"Boss. What do you want me to do?" Clay asked.

"They're 35 meters off you." Clay said as they watched the kids get closer and closer.

"Havoc, this is 1. O-P-2 has a soft compromise. Two kids." Jason said into the radio.

"Yeah, that's a solid copy, Bravo 1. We're just picking them up on ISR. I'd say you got about ten minutes before they make it back to town. Need you to exfil before they do."

"Check. How far out is HVT?"

"All stations be advised, HVT is arriving now."

"Copy that."

"Two Mercedes with technical vehicles coming in from the east."

"Your soft compromise is still a few minutes from town." Clay told them.

"Wind's kicking." Ray said.

"Yeah."

"Holding pretty steady at 15 to 20 mile-per-hour crosswind, but problem is it's coming from the valley."

"It keeps switching directions, brother."

"Come on, Ray. I've seen you make tougher shots than this."

"There he is."

"Yeah."

"Zaman. Call it."

"Wait. Whoa, whoa. Wait. Hold. Two Zamans."

"Perfect. Body double."

"We have to engage both."

"You take one, I'll take the other."

"Not with that rifle at this distance, brother. No, I can take both, but I need you to spot and call wind for me."

"Bravo 1, this is Bravo 6. Your soft compromise is about a minute from town. If you don't move back here now, you're gonna get stuck out there." Clay said to the comms as he held his breath.

"Negative, 6, stand by." Jason told him, "The real Zaman is the one who'll be giving orders. He's the one in charge, that's how we I. D. him."

"Copy that. J, they're both talking to the Hezbollah commander."

"I can't tell which one's which." Ray said.

"What are you seeing?" Sonny asked.

"Nothing good." Clay told him, hating that Jason and Ray were both just hanging out in the open. "Bravo 1, this is Bravo 6. Your soft compromise has disappeared into town. How copy?" Clay asked into the radio.

"Good copy. Stand by."

"Hey, blondie. Something's fixing to happen. I think you should carb-load up."

"Tell me when and I'll start the wind calls."

"There he is. Zaman. I got him. On the left. Call it."

"Seven left Nine left. Pull right."

"Pulled."

"Ten right. Hold."

"Damn it, J. This wind's killing us. Just got to ride it out."

"Bravo 1, this is Havoc Base. You have a hard compromise and an enemy moving on your position. Begin your exfil immediately. How copy?" Eric asked into the radio. "Bravo 1, did you copy my last?"

"He's getting real antsy, J."

"Stay in the scope, Ray, we're doing this."

"Wind's still shifting."

"Decision, Ray. Wind, ten right. On you."

"Taking it. High right. Hit." Ray said as he pulled the trigger.

"Bravo 1, you're about to get some serious contact." Clay yelled into the radio.

"They're moving on us. Here we go. Got to move!" Jason yelled at Ray as the bullets started flying.

"There's no way, not with that heavy gun on us!" Ray argued.

"We stay here, we're done!" Jason yelled. "Bravo 3. Cover our movement out of here!"

"Copy that. Stand by."

"Ray!"

"Yeah!"

"Throw some smoke so they can cover us."

"Copy."

"Ray!"

"Yeah!"

"Go!"

"I got to change this barrel out or I'm gonna melt this thing!" Sonny said as he let the bullets fly, not bothering to aim at anything only wanting to kill anything in its range.

"QRF should be here any minute. Just keep hammering!" Clay told him.

"I'm almost Winchester!" Sonny yelled.

"Havoc, how far out is the QRF?" Jason asked.

"Bravo 1, QRF is inbound. ETA: 60 seconds."

"Ray, lay out some more smoke."

"Copy. Bravo 3, get to the LZ."

"We're sunk here without them, Jace."

"Well we got to hold tight till they can extract us." Jason said as he heard the helo over head laying down heavy fire.

"Oorah! Go! Go! Go!" The team yelled as they got the hell out of dodge.

* * *

"Tell you, that was one hell of a shot, Ray. You can wear those reindeer antlers with pride tonight." Jason smiled to Ray as they sat on the plane.

"I will, brother."

"Just got word Zaman is still alive. Shot must've clipped him. I've been called in to talk to the brass as soon as we get back." Eric told the two.

"Damn it, I had him, J."

"No, don't put it on yourself, man. Things get wonky. It happens."

"Yeah."

"Hey, hey. We'll get him next time." Jason told him, he had never seen Ray so unsure of himself and it just felt wrong.

* * *

"Hey, who's going out drinking at the bar?" Sonny asked as the team was all gathered around in the cages getting ready to head home.

"Ah"

"You know what? I don't think I can handle this Frozen sing-along tonight." Ray said as the team was getting ready to head home.

"Uh, I'm in. Jace?" Clay said, looking to his team leader.

"No. No, I got plans." Jason shrugged.

"Hey, I got something to say." Lisa said, calling everyone's attention to her, "Um I got accepted to Officer Candidate School. This was my last mission with you." As her voice broke she looked around at her family and it felt like she was letting everyone down, "And, uh it kills me to leave Bravo, and I'm sorry that I couldn't tell you till now."

"Wow." Jason said.

"You're leaving for good?" Clay asked.

"For good. OCS is something I've been working toward, and hey, you know, maybe I don't make it through, but I I got to figure out if I have what it takes. If I've learned anything from working with you guys, it's being the best, you can't be afraid to fail." She told them.

"Well okay, you joking about this?" Jason asked, walking towards her as he picked up a beer.

"I am not. I am very serious." Lisa assured him nervously.

"Cake-eater." Jason said, stopping in front of her, now understanding what her and Sonny had been talking about at the bar before they left...what he wanted her to know he was sorry for when he thought he was dying...he had known all along. "All right, well, what makes you think you might not make it?" He asked her, opening a can of beer and giving her a small smile when she looked at him nervously, "You're gonna make it." When she smiled at him he handed her the open beer, "You know what? I'm not gonna salute you."

"As long as you will still talk to me." Lisa smiled.

"You think you can get rid of us that easily?" Jason asked her, "Guessing Blackburn and Mandy have already been working on ways to get you to stick with the teams, throwing protocol out the window since you are already read in on the teams."

"You think so?"

"Might not happen right away but we will put up a fight." Eric smiled walking in, glad she finally told everyone.

"Okay then...can we please go to the bar now?" Sonny asked, "Because I need a damned drink."

"Oh come on Sunshine, our girl wont be gone for long." Clay smiled, walking up and putting his arm around Lisa, "Congratulations."

"You aren't mad?" She asked him, holding his wrist.

"You really worried about that?" Clay asked. When she didn't say anything he looked down at her, "He is going to be impossible while you are gone." When she smiled at him he pulled her close and kissed her head, "I am going to miss you."

* * *

"You're quiet tonight."

"Yeah. I'm sorry."

"Adam never said much when he got back from a spin-up, either. You know, if something happened over there, I'm a good listener. I spent 18 years being Adam's personal AAR."

"I, uh Look I'm sorry, I, uh I just can't get past the fact that you're Adam's wife." Jason told her.

"On some level it makes sense that we're out." She said, feeling the same thing.

"I don't know, it-it's just a little too weird."

"Yeah, I know."

"Yeah."

"I thought maybe...Eh, it doesn't matter. I say we finish the wine."

"The wine. You know, I'm not much of a wine guy, but, uh, why don't we, uh, switch it up just a little bit." He said pulling out two small bottles of Makers.

"Maybe Hmm."

"What do you say?"

"Why not, right?"

"Whatever happens...Victoria, you can always come to me...for anything. You and Hannah are family." He told her as she finished her drink.

"It just sucks sometimes...you know? Especially at night...I mean I was used to him being gone and being worried about him but now...knowing he wont ever be coming home..." She said as a tear slid from her eye.

"You want to get out of here?" He asked quickly, feeling the tears in his own eyes. When she nodded he slapped some cash down on the table and led her out, putting his arm around her as they walked.

She saw the change in him and knew that if he was going to talk it had to be now, not later so when they reached his truck she climbed into the passenger seat and then turned to face him, "I just feel so alone...You know?"

"Yeah..." He said hearing his own voice break as he answered her and she reached out to him and pulled him into her and he quickly buried his face in her hip as he cried, knowing she was crying with him. He could feel her fingers lace their way through his hair and it calmed him, he knew she had seen Alana do it to him, knew that Adam hated to have anything touch his hair, she knew what to do to comfort him and that just made him cry harder.

* * *

"You want to leave at different times and rendezvous later?" Sonny asked Lisa as he was getting ready to head home from the bar.

"I think I'm gonna stay and hang out with Clay and Swanny a little bit." Lisa shrugged, she knew he would see Sonny again before she left, he was taking her to the airport...Clay though...she didn't know when the next time she would see him would be and as hard as it was to leave Sonny.

"Mm-hmm."

"Tomorrow?"

"Well, yeah, you know, it just hit me that you're really leaving, huh?" Sonny told her, sticking with the honesty kick he had been on.

"You hate that I'm gonna be a cake-eater, don't you?"

"Nah, I just just hate that you're leaving. Didn't I tell you there's so much more Giddyup, little darlin'."

"I will leave here in a half hour...go by my place and grab my bags and I will meet you at yours." She told him with a sly smile.

"Yes Ma'am." Sonny smiled before leaving.

* * *

"You really think things would've turned out different if if you'd have taken the shot?" Swanny asked Clay as they were sitting at the bar.

"Oh, man, don't I have to think that way if I want to be the best?" Clay asked.

"Cocky. Reminds me of Jason when he first joined Bravo."

"Look, I'm not saying that I'm better than Ray. I'm more dialed in than he is. But Bravo's my only focus now." Clay shrugged.

"I remember those days."

"Why'd you get out?"

"It was just my time, my time to go. You know, maybe you make that shot, maybe you don't. But never question the decisions and commitment of your brothers. Someday you'll realize they're all you have in this world." Brett said as Lisa walked up, "Ain't that right Officer Davis?"

"Sure thing Swanny." She smiled, hooking her arm around Clay's shoulder, "Don't know what I would do without this guy..."

"Sonny take off?" Clay asked.

"Yeah...he is pouting about me leaving tomorrow." Lisa shrugged.

"If he is pouting already the next few weeks are going to be torturous." Clay laughed.

"Should I not go?" Lisa asked him for the millionth time in the last few hours.

"You are going." Clay told her, "Can't change the world just sitting on your hands...and you Davis...you are going to change the world."

"And you are sucking up already. She doesn't even have her commission yet and you are already brown nosing." Brett teased.

"Not sucking up, Swanny, Davis here is going to change the world."

"Two of you hooking up?" Brett asked.

"Eew no." Clay and Lisa said at the same time and Brett started laughing.

"Brother and sister. Got it. Who is older?" Brett asked.

"We are the same age." Lisa said.

"Twins. Even better." Brett laughed, "Can we get some beers for the twins here?"

* * *

"What's your name?" The bar fly asked Jason as he walked in, not finding anyone from Bravo still there.

"No names." Jason told her.

"Okay." She said, leading him out of the bar.

Instead of going home he went to the cemetery where he sat down at Alana's grave. "I don't know how to do this." He said, talking to her, "I thought with Victoria...but...she will always be Adam's wife...I...Ray said no barflies and that was exactly what I did...dammit Alana...tell me what to do to make it stop hurting."

"Thought I might find you here." Mandy said, walking slowly up to Jason as he sat, head in his hands.

"Mandy?" He mumbled, without looking up, of course she was the one to find him.

"Emma said you weren't home...Clay told her you guys were back."

"I went to dinner with Victoria." He said, looking at Alana's headstone.

"I know."

"I need her." Jason said, looking up at Mandy with tears in his eyes.

"I know." She told him, sitting down next to him, "I am here though, you don't have to do this alone."

"Can you take me back to your..." Jason started to ask and she just took his hand and led him to his truck.

She drove him back to her apartment and led him inside where he went into the bedroom and laid down on the bed, "If you are going to sleep in my bed your shoes are at least coming off." He rolled over onto his back as she untied his shoes. "Where did you go after you had dinner?"

"Hooked up at the bar." Jason told her.

"With who?"

"Didn't ask her name."

"Okay." Mandy said, kicking off her own shoes and climbing onto her bed next to him. "Come here."

"Thank you." Jason said as he curled into her, falling asleep almost instantly.

Mandy pulled out her phone and told Emma that he was with her and would be home in the morning. 'How bad is he?' Emma asked.

'He has been worse.'

'Anything I can do?'

'Be patient with himi.'

'Tell him I love him.' Emma said, 'thank you again Mandy.'

"Don't know why you don't let them in Jace." Mandy whispered as she ran her fingers through his hair, making him snuggle closer to her.

"Don't leave me." Jason mumbled to her in his sleep.


	30. Chapter 30

_My stories are always going to mirror the episodes-the writers of SEAL Team are AMAZING, my writing is alterations of scenes or scenes that I felt were missing. I do not own SEAL Team, CBS does. I just borrow. Hope you enjoy. -AJ_

* * *

It was no surprise to anyone there when Clay arrived at the BBQ with Jason and Emma, Jason had been doing everything in his power to get him off base, even if that meant having him constantly at his place. "Why don't you go talk to Ray?" Emma suggested, "Naima said they would be here and she still thinks something is up with him...and really I don't disagree."

"Good idea, Goldilocks see if you can see where his head is cuz Heaven knows he isn't talking to me."

"You want me to spy?" Clay rolled his eyes before getting a glare from Jason, "Fine. Going."

"Is it hard for you to treat him the same as your other guys?" Emma asked Jason as she watched Clay go up and start talking to Ray and Mandy.

"Clay isn't like the other guys." Jason told her, sitting down on a picnic table, Emma sitting down next to him.

"Bravo is family...but Clay is young enough to actually be your kid...and you argue with him like you do me and Mikey."

"What's your point Emma?" Jason asked, looking across the lawn to see Lisa walk up to where Sonny was stationed at the grill.

"I think Lisa and Sonny are finally a thing." Emma shrugged, changing the subject.

"That can't be a thing." Jason shook his head, "Brass will split them up."

"She isn't officially part of Bravo." Emma said, crossing her arms, "Besides, I have never seen Sonny smile like that before."

"Once she is an officer she will be officially part of Bravo."

"I didn't think you could do that."

"Harrington is pulling some weight, it is easier to not have to read someone new in if they don't need to."

"So they really can't be a thing?"

"Emma I don't make the rules."

"Well I think it is dumb."

"And this started because you were talking about Spencer." Jason reminded her, not really wanting to talk about the Kid, but really not wanting to think about one of his guys sex lives.

"Oh yeah."

"Yeah." Jason grumbled, "And yes it is different with the Kid but you already know that so what is this actually about?"

"I just...he hasn't talked to Caitlyn really since the baby was born and if he isn't at our house he is at the bar or in his cage...he has basically erased his social life."

"Kid never had a social life here." Jason tried to argue, knowing it was far from true as the words came out of his mouth.

"He was always with Brian...and was dating Stella and hanging out with all of her friends after Brian died...they broke up...Adam died...Andy and his old team died...now he is isolating himself."

"He hangs out with Sonny." He tried, knowing that even that had changed. The Kid had pulled back since they had almost lost him despite Sonny's attempts to tease him.

"Not lately."

"What do you want me to do Emma?"

"I am just worried about you guys is all."

"Not your job to worry."

"I am your kid. Don't be ridiculous."

* * *

"Thank God. Sonny Quinn barbecue. It's to die for, you know." Ray laughed when Sonny and Lisa carried over the meat.

"Yeah, literally, he almost died for it." Clay laughed.

"Yeah. Never leave your dry rub recipe in a sniper hide." Sonny chuckled as the guys started grabbing their lunch.

"He's not serious, is he?" Emma asked, shocked at what she was hearing.

"Why?" Jason asked her.

"Serious as sin." Sonny smiled, "Yeah, when I had to go back and get it, I had two dozen Jihad Johnnys trying to light me up."

"You aren't gonna be getting shot at on this deployment, right?" Emma asked the team.

"Nah." Jason told her quickly.

"Unfortunately, probably not." Clay answered at nearly the same time.

"All right, Uncle Clay, have some mac and cheese. A little trigger happy right now, okay?" Jason glared, maybe Sonny and the Kid had been spending a little too much time together. "Everything's gonna be fine. All we're gonna be doing is training some Filipino SEALs."

"Yeah. Don't worry about it, sweetheart. Philippines is not Afghanistan, not even a little bit." Ray told her with a smile at Naima and his daughter who were standing across the table listening to the conversation.

"Dirt, dirt, Gucci. You've been in the dirt twice, now you get Gucci." Emma said, remembering her mom use the phrase several times throughout her childhood.

"And it's about damn time." Sonny laughed.

"I thought you liked getting shot at?" Emma smiled at Sonny.

"I also like me an all expenses paid R and R. Drinks poolside with unlimited food?" Sonny smiled.

"Not a vacation Sunshine." Eric laughed, "I have had to do more than enough paperwork for you this year already."

"Hey now, you can't blame me for a malfunctioning submarine." Sonny laughed, "I warned you about making me swim and go into those cramped places...nothing ever good comes from that."

"Kinda sounds like some of you could use a snickers." Emma said, seeing the change in Clay and Brock at the mention of the torpedo tube and Sonny's death and resurrection.

"When did you grow up?" Eric asked, coming over and pulling her into a hug as the team scattered, "Congratulations on graduating-and getting into Tisch by the way."

"Think I had the most obnoxious family at graduation this year...how did they sneak in those airhorns anyway?" Emma smiled.

"No one is going to mess with team guys." Eric shrugged, "And that was all Clay's doing."

When Emma looked over at Clay he just gave a small smile and shrugged, "Was worth it."

"Heard Hannah was going to NYU. You guys going to live together?" Mandy smiled, joining into the conversation.

"We are living on campus...we will be in the same dorm but not the same room. Something about wanting students to interact with new people or some crap like that." Emma shrugged. "Would be nice if Dad would stop freaking out."

"He will get over it." Brock smiled, "Besides, you are only going to be a couple hours away."

"I would say I am more worried about Mikey than Dad but based on how obsessed he is with this hockey program I think he will be fine."

"We will keep an eye on your Dad." Brock smiled, and Cerberus barked, "Blackburn usually keeps us pretty busy and with the deployment..."

"I still don't like the idea of you being in the big city alone." Clay mumbled.

"Who asked you." Emma rolled her eyes, "Besides, I already know a bunch of the people that I will be living with. The school gives us each others social media accounts so you basically know who everyone is before you actually meet them."

"Still. A big city and..."

"And what?" Emma smiled at Clay, "You aren't there to save me from the bad guys?"

"Something like that." Clay grumbled, earning a look from both Mandy and Eric.

"I keep telling you guys I will be fine. You and Dad both made me take those stupid Krav Maga classes."

"Your Dad decide what to do with the house yet?"

"He says he isn't but he is going to sell it. I have been slowly packing up all of Mom's stuff and it will go into storage...I wish he didn't have to but he is thinking about sending Mikey to boarding school and there is no point in the house sitting there completely empty two thirds of the year."

"Back to my original question...when did you grow up?" Eric smiled at her, nodding to where Jason had moved to get a better view of his team, "He says it all the time, but you really are a lot like your Mom."

* * *

Watching his family talk to his daughter, interacting with her like she is an adult...it still felt strange to him, but that is what she is...an adult. Older than her Mother was when she had her. It was only seeing Naima pack up to go a little while later that drew Jason's attention back into focus. Seeing Ray make excuses for his beverage choice and the way he acted with his wife reminded him of the man he had met when they were first put on Bravo.

"What is going on with him?" Naima asked, walking over to Jason on their way out.

"I don't know. You know, ever since Mexico, something's been up with him. I don't know what it is." Jason told her...he had seen the slow change but more so he had been getting an earful from Emma and Clay that something was off.

"I'm worried. He's, uh I don't know. Keep an eye on him out there, will you?" She said, not wanting to go into it even more with their kids there.

"Got his back, always. All right?" Jason smiled but she knew him better and knew the smile did not reach his eyes.

Putting her hand on Jason's shoulder she squeezed it, "All right. Be safe."

"You know us." Jason smiled, looking over to see Ray with Trent and Brock talking under a tree. Brock and Trent...the two members of Bravo that he felt like he never had to worry about. "I will keep trying to talk to him." He told her before she walked away.

"Hey, can I get next over there?" Jason heard Eric say through a microphone he procured from out of nowhere. "All right. Everybody, settle in. Listen up. Listen up!"

"Kill the music." Jason said walking over.

"Today, we say our goodbyes to Davis here. Something that's never easy to do." Eric started, as Lisa and Jason made their way up to the front.

"Well, speak for yourself." Jason teased, he had promised her to keep things from getting mushy.

"Whoa. Wow." Lisa and everyone that was there from the teams laughed.

"Yeah, man, that's harsh." Eric teased knowing exactly what Jason was doing for their girl.

"You know what, I don't know what I'm gonna miss more, your sarcastic asses or saving them." Lisa challenged.

"When's the last time you saved my ass?" Jason asked, knowing there were too many to count.

"When I saved your ass?" Lisa smiled at him.

"Yeah, my ass."

"Start with the time that I told you that your fly was down right before you met the president, and then let's just go from there." Lisa smirked, earning laughter from the crowd.

"That was on purpose." Jason laughed.

"I remember that." Sonny laughed.

"So while we are saddened to be losing her, this is a rebirth for Petty Officer Lisa Davis, an evolution, if you will, of a bright young sailor. Don't move." Eric said as he stepped back and pulled out a paddle he had made for her.

"Uh-oh." Jason ribbed knowing that the sentiment would overwhelm her.

"So Wow." Lisa said as she saw what he had.

"Whoa, what is that?" Jason asked, already knowing the answer.

"Right? Right? Just something to remember us by." Eric told her.

"What does that say there?" Jason asked.

"It says, Lisa Davis. Fair winds and following seas."

"Wow. Um Okay, what to say?" Lisa said, trying to keep her emotions in check and appreciating Jason's effort that was bordering on complete ridiculousness. "Uh You're my family, and I'm leaving. That's life. Everything comes to an end. Leaves fall. Close a book. You say goodbye. It still feels all kinds of wrong to be, you know, leaving the people that taught me so much." She said looking around, "Mandy Ellis. Commander Blackburn. You taught me how to hold focus when all is lost...Trent and Brock...you guys taught me how to keep a level head but still kick ass when needed." She told them, but when it was time to talk to her guys, she had to pause to take a breath. "Clay. You showed me what it is to have a dream, and to fight so hard for it that no one can take it from you." She managed to say and he just nodded with a small smile, "Sonny. You showed me what it is to know who you are and where you're from and to be proud of both. And I know that you really try to convince everybody that you're just a redneck but you're more than that. You're a redneck that can cook." Earning laugher from everyone she smiled and continued, "Ray Perry. You taught me what integrity is, and that faith is sometimes the best guide." Looking over at Jason she felt the tears stinging at the back of her eyes, "And Bravo 1. You showed me what real leaders do. They make the hard decisions and they live with them. To not doubt, only decide. And I don't know what I'm gonna do without you guys..." Her voice finally breaking, "but I'm gonna miss you every day.

Wondering when she had really become a member of his family, she had been around for years, practically since she enlisted, but it wasn't until the Kid was around that she started spending time with them off the clock, and then how she stepped in with Emma after Alana was killed...he felt the sting in his eyes as he looked at her, "Stop crying. Don't go there."

"You know what? I'm not gonna go." Lisa said quickly. She couldn't leave them. Hearing a chorus of no's she tried not to break down all together. "I'm not gonna go. I'm gonna stay."

Looking at Eric and then back to Lisa he smiled, "Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait. This is not a goodbye, okay?" Putting his hand on her shoulder, and looking only to her, he told her, "This is a good thing." Turning back to the team he raised his beer can, "Come on, glasses up. Here's to Lisa."

"To Lisa!" The crowd yelled and Emma watched as he Dad pulled Lisa into him, whispering something to only her before holding her close long enough for her to regain her composure.

"The next step is the right step, and you are taking the right step." Jason said before letting her go and the team took their turns passing her around.

* * *

"What did you say to her?" Emma asked as she walked over to where her Dad was sitting, watching his family.

"Told her I was proud of her." Jason answered as he watched as Clay held on to her just a little longer than the rest of the guys, keeping his arm around her shoulders even after their hug was done.

"They are like brother and sister." Emma smiled, "They look out for each other the same way Sonny looks after Clay."

"How do you know that?"

"They got close after Danny died...he stepped up so that Sonny could grieve for his brother...Clay barely knew him."

"How is it that you know the ins and outs of my team?"

"How is it that you don't?" Emma challenged.

"You are just like your mother."

"Don't change the subject."

"I'm not." Jason told her, "Alana always knew what was going on...the right things to say...I dunno Emm...I just..."

"I miss her too." Emma said leaning into her Dad as he put his head in his hands. "Graduation without her...that was way harder than I thought it was going to be."

"I am sorry you have had to step up to cover." Jason said, "which reminds me...we need to go over everything again before I leave."

"Garbage, mail, grocery shopping...I know what to do." Emma told him.

"The yard guy comes on Wednesday and the sprinklers..."

"Sprinklers fall under Mikey's watch."

"No, no, no. Oh, no. Until Mikey is back from hockey camp, they fall under your responsibility."

Knowing she was pushing her luck she turned to her dad, "So Mikey and I are gonna be parentless for three months, and you're worried about the lawn?"

"I'm worried about a lot of things." Jason told her as he leaned forward, his elbows on his knees.

Looking at her dad she sighed, "I know. It's just nice to hear you say it."

"I say it." Jason defended himself. He knew how much he stressed but she was right, he didn't really say it.

"Dad, we handled Mexico. Mikey and I will be okay while you're in the Philippines."

"We're gonna make up for lost time when I'm back, I promise." Jason told her, hating that he was leaving again.

"By the time you're back, I'll be heading off to school. This is one of the last nights we'll be under the same roof." Emma reminded him.

"No." Jason mumbled, feeling the tears sting at the back of his eyes.

"Dad...we will be fine. We will figure it out, we always do." Emma told him as she leaned against him and he put his arm around her. "How do you think the boys will do without Lisa?"

"It's only twelve weeks and we will have Mandy." Jason shrugged, "They will be fine."

* * *

"What's going on, man? You have one too many at the barbecue?" Clay asked Brett when he found him sleeping in his truck outside the bar the next morning when he went back to get his car.

"That's hard to say." Brett told him, disoriented.

"I think that says it all. This is a nice truck."

"Yeah. Makes a good bed, too. Crashing in it till I land an EMT gig in town." Brett told him.

"I thought, uh, thought you had some girl down here." Clay said, wondering how long he had been staying in the truck.

"Yeah, for a minute. She, uh well, she gave me the old heave-ho." Brett shrugged.

"How come?"

"I, uh I don't know. I don't really remember."

"Look, Swanny, why...why don't you stay at my place, man, my apartment while I'm gone. You know, we're gonna deploy." Clay told him.

"I don't want to put you out, man. I'll find something."

"No, seriously. I mean, it's no skin off my nose. You should stay there." He wasn't going to be there and if he could help his brother out...it was a no brainer to him. He had spent enough time with him at the bar over the last couple weeks to know he needed help...and really, he knew what it felt like to not have anyone to turn to.

"Are you sure?"

"We're team guys; we got to stick together, right?" Clay smiled.

"Uh, yeah...okay." Brett smiled.

* * *

"Hey. Did you get some rest last night?" Jason asked, walking into his daughters room.

"Mm-hmm."

"Good. Couple things I want to go over with you. First, I don't want any parties in the house, you understand? No kegs. And that boy Noah, he's not even allowed to sniff the grass in front there, you understand?" Jason started and Emma looked up at her father.

"Considering you decided to clean your gun the last time he came over, don't think you need to worry about Noah showing his face at our house again."

"I didn't know that he was gonna be coming over." Jason smirked, Clay had been the one to give him a heads up.

"Oh, that's a lie."

"Come on, Emma. Listen, number two: what about the loans, the schools? Where are we with all that?"

With a sigh Emma leaned back in her chair, "We're not eligible. You're over the income threshold." She knew the news would set him off, but it was what it was...she knew she would have to just suck it up and take a loan out.

"That's crazy. That doesn't make any sense to me."

"According to the federal government, you're flush."

"Okay, that's great. I make too much money to qualify for financial aid, but not enough to pay for your tuition at school?"

"Welcome to America."

"Well, okay, how about my G. I. Bill benefits?"

"Covers about a quarter of the total tuition."

"Got to be kidding me. Military subsidized loans?"

"It's too late to apply." Emma cringed. She had missed the deadline by one day...it wasn't her fault that she was juggling her responsibilities and her Mom's.

"It's too late to apply? That means you missed the deadline? You missed the deadline?" Jason groaned, "How could you miss the deadline?"

"I've got school, homework, student government, vocal lessons, my own life and our life I have to keep running when you're gone. I wish I could do it all perfectly. I could still apply for CommonBond, but they have an origination fee."

"Origination fee, great. How much does that cost?"

"Don't know. I don't know what any of it means. Mom would know."

"Yeah. Mom would've known." Jason sighed. "I will be in the garage."

"Of course you will." Emma mumbled as he walked out the door...she saw the tears in his eyes and immediately felt guilty but what she said was the truth, even if the truth sucked.

* * *

"Okay. Yeah, okay. Yeah, I'm gonna be down here for a bit. Ring me whenever. I got to go." Brett said into the phone as he followed Clay up to his apartment. " Yeah. My sister. She, uh she wasn't too hip on me moving back down here. Love the place. Thanks again." Brett told Clay as he helped him carry his bag into the apartment.

"Yeah, no, it's no biggie."

"No, this is..."

"This is it. It's not much, you know, and you can kind of see the whole place from right here. But help yourself to whatever you need. Um, plumbing's a little gunked up, so I I got a, uh, a snake. It's underneath the sink if you..." He explained before he noticed Brett sidetracked, "You all right?"

"I think I left my phone in the car."

"You were just on it."

"Right." He said, trying to play off his forgetfulness, "It's just my sister, she, uh, she calls a lot. The thing is, my, uh, my dad, he he died two months ago." Brett told Clay, it was around the same time that he noticed his memory getting worse...trying to deal with pain usually did that...made things worse.

"I'm sorry, man. I'm sure that's, I'm sure it's hard on her."

"It's harder for me. Women are better at loss. Men don't have a clue. Women process it. We just want to punch something." Brett feigned a smile. "She gets worried if I don't answer. She's...she's a good sister." Brett trailed off, looking around before looking back to Clay, "Gucci deployment. Huh? I'm jealous."

"Yeah, you know. I'm kind of in the mood to fight right now, if I'm being honest." Clay told him, it was nice to have someone who understood...even if there was over three decades in ages between them.

"I get it. Keeps the mind occupied. But trust me, a little bit of fun can do a world of good. A PACOM deployment is a terrible thing to waste." Brett told him, laughing at the familiarity in the young man and just how much he reminded him of Jason when he had joined Bravo.

* * *

"Hey. Ready to head to the airfield?" Jason asked, walking into Emma's room and finding her in the same place as he had left her a few hours before.

"I spoke to CommonBond. If we pay the origination fee, they'll process my loan."

"Okay, um, I have to pay this now?"

"2% of the total four-year loan. Well, we have three weeks." Emma told him, knowing he wasn't going to take that news very well.

"Emma, I, um, I have to move money and everything." He couldn't do it right then, he had to get to the airfield...and would then have to do it from another country.

"You don't want me to go, do you? You want everything to stay the same, like we're stuck in time. You don't want me to leave when you leave every two seconds." She snapped at him, trying not to cry, she had just gotten off the phone from talking to Clay and was not ready to say goodbye to them for the next three months.

"It's not that."

"Then what is it?"

"It's not...Look, it's the loans. I don't want you to spend the next 20 years drowning in debt and all you have to show for it is a is an art degree."

"Wow, Dad. I'll figure it out on my own. Have fun over there." She said, words seething from her mouth.

"You aren't going to take me to the airfield?" Jason asked, knowing exactly why she wasn't.

"I will have Hannah give me a ride there later to get the stupid truck."

"Fine."

"Fine." Emma yelled as her father walked out of her bedroom, waiting only until she heard the door slam to burst into tears.

* * *

As Jason and Ray sat on the plane, the only two awake, Jason finally turned to his friend, "You know, Ray, last time you showed up at the tarmac alone, you were single."

"Uh, it's it's Jameelah, she got the flu." Ray told him, knowing it was an obvious lie.

"Yeah. Yeah. Emma she must have the same bug."

"Yeah, must be going around."

"Yeah. Something's going around."

"Guess I should be excited for this one."

"Yeah...Gucci..."

"Last time we got a Gucci deployment Alana and Naima flew out for a few days of R and R." Ray reminded him.

"I remember."

"Feels like a lifetime ago."

"It was a lifetime ago." Jason said, sinking down into the straps and pulling his hat down over his eyes. He missed her more than he ever thought possible.

* * *

As the team arrived at the hotel they were full on in complaining mode, a long flight, hot weather, and so muggy that the guys couldn't hide the fact that they all had curly hair. "Man, it's hotter than a two-dollar pistol out here." Clay groaned as Eric walked up to them.

Sonny smirked at Clay, "It's way more balmy than Baghdad. There ain't enough talcum powder in the world to keep my boys from chafing."

"Beats the hell out of that dog kennel we were in in Mexico, though." Ray shrugged, he was happy to be away from the prying eyes of his wife and was quite possibly the only one on the team excited to be deployed.

"All right." Sonny agreed.

"Welcome to the Gucci, boys." Jason tried his best to put on a smile.

"All right. Two days till the first training exercise, so until then, your time is yours." Eric smiled at them, "Jace and Ray. Standard liberty rules apply. Trent, Brock. Behave yourselves, make sure I don't have to do any paperwork, got it?"

"Whoa, no, bad idea. He's gonna lose that." Clay said grabbing the room key from Eric as he tried to hand it to Sonny.

"That is a good call. More importantly, Blackburn, how many times a day can I go to the omelet bar? That's all I want to know." Sonny laughed.

"Oh, gosh. Come on. I'm out." Jason rolled his eyes, he just wanted to go and try and call his daughter, he knew his boys knew what to do.

"Be sure to look into that." Eric laughed.

Jason smiled, "Yeah."

"Figure that out later on." Sonny smiled, "I need a drink."

"Hey, any word from Mandy?" Jason asked Eric not seeing Mandy.

"Embassy." He told him...one word...that was never a good sign.

"Anything brewing?"

"Uh, nothing to talk about yet." Eric told Jason, there was...something big...but until she figured out more there was no point in causing Jason more anxiety.

"Mm-hmm." Jason said as Clay walked back over to them.

"Hey Boss, you uh...you want to hit the gym with me?"

"Need to call Emma. Will see how that goes." Jason told him with a sad smile.

"Yeah...okay...I will see you up there then." Clay said before walking off, leaving Jason alone in the lobby of the hotel.

* * *

"Hey, I'm gonna go crush the gym. You coming?" Clay said, finding Sonny in the bar with his feet kicked up.

"Man, you never slow down, do you?" He laughed.

"Why would I?"

"Well I'm thinking about, you know, heading into town and getting a little massage."

"Why don't you come? We've only been here 20 minutes and you already want an old-fashioned?"

"I'm talking about a real massage. See, I got this kink in my neck, so I called the concierge about them firm pillows 'cause of my slipped disk. Them big ol' pillows here, they're messing with my sciatica." Sonny rambled.

"Who are you and what have you done with Sonny Quinn?"

"Huh?"

"Sonny Quinn's happy place used to be kicking in doors."

"Yeah."

"Making canoes out of skulls, covered in stripper glitter, and getting drunk." Clay said before waving his arms, "And now it's this? It's...it's soft pillows and legit massages? Come on, dude. Hey, you are getting soft, buddy."

"There's a time and a place for everything, young Jedi. But you ain't ever been on a Gucci mission with Sonny Quinn. I am a man of leisure. Now, if you want to be ready to charge, you got to recharge the mind and the body. Look around, man. Why don't you go chase some tail?" Sonny teased right back.

"Doesn't appeal."

"Well, what does?"

"The job."

"All right."

"All right, well, you enjoy that nice little massage there, princess."

"I will."

"Maybe later we can hit Bed Bath & Beyond."

"What the hell's Bed Bath & Beyond?" Sonny laughed, throwing a slice of lime at his little brother.

"You need to find me I will be in the gym."

"Make sure you workout with your shirt off...give the ladies something to look at." Sonny yelled as Clay walked back into the building, passing Jason who looked extremely aggravated on the phone.

* * *

"Emma? You kidding me? Emma, you there? Emma, are you there?" Jason practically yelled into the phone, looking to see if they had been disconnected.

"I answered the phone, didn't I?"

"All right, look, Emma. Just do me a favor, will you? Just, um, let's breathe this out and be calm. I just want you to e-mail me all the loan applications so I can help you out with it, all right?"

"Whatever." Emma mumbled.

"Look, um, I'm sorry. Okay? I'm sorry the way we left things. And how we got into that whole argument. I didn't like it. You know, I love you, and I miss you. I..." Jason tried to apologize only to hear the beep from the line disconnecting, "And I wasn't talking to anybody and she didn't hear a word I said because it got disconnected."

"Hayes. How you doing?"

"No way. Zell, what's up?" Jason asked, recognizing the man who had called him out.

"How you doing, man?"

"Good to see you."

"Good to God, to be honest, I didn't even recognize you."

"Wow, look at that. Nice watch." Jason said noticing the bling on the mans wrist. He hated to see guys turn to private work...serving is not about the money.

"Ah, a little flashy for my taste, but it was a gift from a client. And he has nuclear capabilities, so..."

"You're working private security now, right?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

"Six international offices now and opening more every day. It's been quite a ride."

"Yeah, I bet." Jason laughed, if anyone who really knew him saw him he would know it wasn't sincere.

"Feels like a lifetime since we were, uh, eating sand in J-Bad, huh?'

"Uh, I think we were doing more than just eating sand."

"So you're still in? You're still grinding?"

"Yeah, yeah. Still in, still grinding. You know, pays the bills."

"Yeah, well, not as much as it should though, am I right?"

"Yeah."

"Hey, look, I, uh, I'm gonna be around for a few days; you..you want to grab a beer?"

"Sure. Yeah, I don't think they can handle us, but yeah."

As his phone rang Zell looked at Jason, "Look, I got to, uh, I got to take this. But I'll reach out."

"Okay, yeah."

"Good to see you, man."

"Good to see you, too." Jason said as he watched his old friend walk off on the phone.

"Don't know how they do it...trading this life for that." Sonny said, walking up behind Jason with a whiskey in hand and passing it to his master chief. "Heard you on the phone." Sonny shrugged, "Everything okay?"

"Got in a fight over loans before we left." Jason shrugged, "Can't seem to get anything right with her."

"Kid is already hitting the gym and Ray is excited to be deployed, whole world feels a little topsy turvy and I don't think the one cold one I had is what is doing it."

"Not wrong." Jason said as he knocked back the shot of whiskey. "Not wrong."

"Hey Jace..."

"Yeah Son?"

"When I died..."

"Sonny..."

"No. Hear me out. When I died...something in the Kid changed...he isn't the same and I feel like it is my fault."

"Just keep an eye on him like you have been Sonny...Kid will be fine."

"Really think so?"

"We have three months of Gucci to find our rhythm again." Jason shrugged. "I am going up to the room to see if the laptop will work any better than the phone."

"Try that text thing...Kid and Emma never stop texting each other." Sonny shrugged.

* * *

After trying multiple times to contact his daughter to no avail Jason made his way back down to the bar where he sat looking at photos of his house. "Nice house. Bet I know the guy who lives there. I don't think he's the selling type." Mandy said, sitting down next to Jason who she had been watching stare at his phone for half an hour from across the bar.

"Can't stay away from me, huh?" Jason attempted to smile.

"What's that about?" She asked, already knowing it was to find a way to help Emma pay for school.

"This?" He said flashing a photo to her, "This is about college...That's what that is about."

"Emma's."

"Yeah, Emma's. Was trying to figure out how to pay for it."

"Yeah, I hear you...Rate I'm going I'll have my loans paid off in 2050."

"Mm-hmm. See, that's the thing. I don't want her to be in debt for her whole life. Right? I mean, you really think that she can make it as a singer?"

"Odds are better in New York than Virginia Beach. Look, Jason, she's got a dream. If she's anything like her father, she's gonna follow it with or without your help." Mandy told him and he knew she was right...she may be exactly like her mother but she was a hell of a lot like him too.

"I just wish I could pay for it, that's all. Straight-out. But I can't, you know?"

"Well, if you sell the house put a good dent in the cost."

"Yeah. Selling the house. It's tough. Lot of memories there."

"A lot to think about."

"Yeah. Yeah, it is."

"Heard you were sending Mikey to boarding school."

"Thinking about it. There is one a half hour from my Mom's place...she could pop in and see him and it has a hockey program...it is where he did the camp this summer and he loved it." Jason smiled, the first real smile she had seen from him in a long while.

"Well, you're looking great." Mandy smiled, "You getting out there again?" She had heard that he had met up with Victoria a few times but didn't see that going anywhere.

"Back in the saddle, you mean?" Jason laughed, "Nothing serious, I would say."

"Oh?"

"But, uh, yeah."

"Good for you."

"How about you?" Jason asked her.

"Oh, uh..." Mandy started as their phones started to buzz.

"Whoa, look at that, huh? Saved by the buzz, aren't we?"

"We got to go."

"Okay."

"Got this?"

"Yep, I got it. That's for you." He said as he put money down on the bar and making sure the bartender saw it.

"Jason you know I am always here...just because I am not with Bravo all the time anymore doesn't mean I don't..."

"Thanks." Jason said, allowing their hands to brush as he lead her out the door.

* * *

"Four days ago off the coast of Japan, a Navy supply ship collided with a container ship. One casualty, a billion dollars of damages. The collision was as a result of a coordinated cyber attack. The nav systems of both ships were compromised." Mandy started the debrief.

"Just an hour ago, Filipino tanker in the Sulu Sea was targeted by the same malware. It ran into an underwater mountain. Had that tanker been full, we'd be looking at a massive ecological disaster." Eric told the team.

"We were able to pinpoint the source of the most recent attack to a small aircraft, which appears to have crash-landed here, an island in the South China Sea, Panatag Shoal. We need to recover this technology. Studying it will allow us to defeat it."

"Well, South China Sea, that's contested territory." Ray said, noting that Jason was just sitting there listening, clearly he had already been briefed.

"Exactly. So no ISR. Zero footprint. Make things more difficult, Panatag Shoal is covered with dense jungle and bamboo forest, so we have no eyes on the wreckage." Eric told Ray.

"Any survivors in the crash?" Jason asked, already knowing the answer was that they didn't know.

"Also unclear. The Chinese will be sending its own team to get the tech. You're to refrain from engaging unless fired upon. There's been no movement in or towards the area, so let's infil quickly and get out before the enemy arrives. Let's go."

"You were with her when you got the call." Ray said as the two were the last ones out of the room.

"Your point?" Jason asked.

"Deployment has barely started."

"She found me at the bar." Jason glared.

"Oh."

"Since when do you care about Mandy anyway?"

"How has she been doing?"

"Didn't get that far." Jason said as they hopped into a waiting car that was taking them to the airfield.

"What didn't get that far?" Clay asked, wondering if he was talking about the argument he had with Emma.

"Me asking how Mandy was doing." Jason snapped, "Ray here thinks I should know every detail of her life just because I knew what we were being called in for."

"Whoa Brother." Sonny said, glaring at Ray, "Don't think the Kid meant anything by it."

"Can you just do what you need to do and leave me alone." Jason snapped at Ray and Clay stepped up to his master chief and put his hand on his arm. "Really?" Jason mumbled, looking down at where Clay's hand was on his arm.

"Emma texted, she isn't mad at you, not really anyway...she is just missing Alana." Clay told him, just loud enough for Jason to hear, not letting go of his arm until after he finished talking.

"Yeah...thanks Kid...she isn't the only one." Jason told him, taking a deep breath in and wondering how it was that just having him close helped to calm him down.

Eric and Mandy were following Bravo and saw the interaction and smiled at each other, "Those two..." Mandy smiled.

"Kid is a real leader...to be able to stand up to Jason like he does...did the same thing to Adam."

"You aware of how close Clay and Emma are?" Mandy asked Eric.

"I am. Sent her to California with him." Eric shrugged.

"That doesn't cross lines with the teams to keep them together?"

"Right now I see it as an insurance package." Eric told her. "And as far as the legality of it, they are not family, they are not dating, they technically aren't breaking any rules."

"Not a bad thing for them to be close...but those two are different."

"Ash Spencer is the Kid's dad."

"You see it differently."

"The Navy does not." Eric told her.

* * *

"Havoc, this is 1. Passing Redline." Jason said as Bravo made the trek through the jungle.

"Copy, Bravo 1. Passing Redline." Eric's voice came over the radio.

Mandy finished the report, "Last signal from the HV was about two klicks northwest of your position."

"Copy that. Proceeding to Diamondback."

Spotting the broken wing of the aircraft Clay looked to Jason, "Fuselage has got to be close."

As they walked up to the plane Jason stuck his head in to check for survivors as Ray contacked the base, "Havoc Base, this is Bravo 2. We passed Jaguar."

"Copy, Bravo 2. Passing Jaguar. Proceed with caution." Eric told them.

"Someone climbed out." Clay announced as he found a bloody hand print and blood smear.

"Means we got a survivor out there." Ray said.

"Havoc, this is 1. We got two dead. Looks like we got a survivor, left a trail."

"Copy, Bravo 1. Stand by." Eric said before they were left with silence, a couple minutes later they heard Eric's voice again, "Bravo 1. You're cleared hot to track down the survivor."

"Copy that." Jason told Eric before turning to his men, "Split in three. Brock. Get a scent."

"Yup. Roger that. Check here." Brock said, leading Cerberus to the blood smear on the side of the plane.

"Hey, boss. This rear compartment's inaccessible. We're gonna have to cut it out." Trent told Jason as he was already taking the saw out of his pack.

"All right. Fire up the saw. Brock, you got a scent?"

"Yup."

"Sonny. Clay. Go with him." Jason told them.

"Roger that." It was no surprise to Sonny that Jason was going to keep him close to the Kid.

"Find the survivor. We'll pull security."

"Havoc Base to Bravo 1. How long till you have control of the target?" Eric asked.

"How much longer?! How much time?" Jason yelled to Trent.

"Five minutes."

"Havoc, this is 1. We got five mikes, Havoc, five mikes."

"We have a high-altitude aircraft entering your airspace. Could be Chinese military exercise, but we don't know. Be aware. Havoc out." Eric said on all stations before going silent once more.

As Jason paced around he felt Ray's eyes on him and it drove him nuts, the man could read him like a damn book, or at least he used to be able to and having eyes on him now just meant that Jason was losing his ability to hide his struggle. "Jace you watching this?" He heard Ray ask as he was looking up at the sky.

"I see it. Just need to hurry up and get the hell out of here." Jason told him thankful that no matter how rough personal things may get between him and Ray the two always knew how to work together.

* * *

"There he is. Come on, get him." The guys yelled as Cerberus lunged at the Chinese pilot.

"Halt!" Brock yelled and as soon as they had a hold of the man Cerberus stationed himself at Brock's side allowing for Clay to speak Chinese to the man and get as many answers as they could.

"Don't let the bedbugs bite." Sonny said as he saw a plane overhead, "We need to move."

"Havoc Base, this is Bravo 6. I see what appears to be five HAHO jumpers." Clay radioed in.

"Copy that, Bravo 6." Eric said back.

"Let's move." Clay said, Sonny taking the man and half carrying, half dragging him back to the evac point.

* * *

"Hey." Ray said, seeing the jumpers with radios touch down above their position.

"Yeah?" Jason said, seeing the same thing.

"They're gonna be able to triangulate our position using our radio signals. We need to go dark until exfil."

"Havoc, this is 1. We got to go dark on our comms. We'll meet you back at Redline for exfil. Bravo 1, out." Jason said over all stations, knowing his men would know to turn off their radios and not respond.

"Copy that, Bravo 1." Eric said before the chatter went silent.

* * *

"Hey, we can't go back the same way we came." Clay pointed out as Sonny turned to take the same path they came from, "Way these guys are dropping in, we'll go right past them, lead them to the exfil point."

"We don't got time to take the long way home." Sonny told him, "If they saw two jumping he knew there would be more that they didn't see.

"Y'all go that way, I'll circle round, meet up with you. I'm gonna take my radio and see if I can create some sort of false trail." Clay said.

"It's not a good idea for you to be out there solo." Sonny yelled at him, knowing it was useless. The Kid was just as stubborn as Jason and would lay down his life if it meant he could save one of theirs.

"Neither is getting into a firefight with a bunch of Chinese PLA."

"Spenser."

"All right. It's good. Let's go. Come on." Clay said with a smirk, before running off.

"Spenser. I swear, that kid is not right in the head." Sonny mumbled to Brock before they took off down the main trail.

* * *

Watching the sky Ray looked over to Jason, "J."

"Yeah?"

"How much you want to bet that's a Xian H-6 bomber?"

"All right, we got to roll. We got to move! Turn it off! Let's go! Move! talk to me. All right, we got to move, Trent, let's go. Come on, give me one." Jason yelled as they yanked the boxes from the plane.

"All right, let's go, let's go, let's go." Trent yelled as the three of them ran away from the plane.

"I got your back! Let's go, let's go." Jason yelled as the first of the rockets exploded where they had just been standing.

"Gotta move." Ray yelled as they neared the exfil point.

"Sonny, hey! Where's Clay?" Jason asked as he, Brock and the Chinese man arrived at the exfil point.

"He's creating a false path for non-friendlies to follow." Sonny monotoned.

"You kidding me?" Jason groaned. "How thick can a Texas boy be letting him go on alone?"

"He gave me no choice." Sonny raised an eyebrow as Clay ran out of the brush.

"Hey, where's your radio?"

"On the hill, so the PLA track away from us. Should buy us a few minutes." Clay smiled, knowing he would get an earful from Blackburn but not caring because he knew he made the right choice in buying them time.

"You are an idiot." Sonny mumbled before running for the helo as it hovered down. Jason shoving the kid in front of him onto the helicopter.

* * *

Once he knew the guys were back to safety Jason went to take a good long shower before going to sit at the bar. It didn't take long before Eric came up next to him, "Yeah?"

"Let's go, let's go. I spoke to PACOM today." Eric told him.

"All right, and?"

"Well, they're not exactly thrilled that our boy Clay left an encrypted communication device in the hands of the Chinese."

"Okay, well, our orders were not to engage, and his move prevented engagement."

"Yeah, well, I'm not the one that needs convincing. As far as Command is concerned, this falls under the broader pattern of risky behavior."

"I'm sorry, risky behavior? Okay, like what?"

"Last-ditch raid on Doza's compound."

"We got him, didn't we?"

"Jason, cut the attitude. All right, this could affect you, me, the entire team. We need Command to be happy with us, or our lives are gonna become extremely unpleasant."

"Right. Gotcha." Jason practically growled before he stormed back to the hotel, pausing only when he saw Ray, "RayRay, where you heading?"

"Yo."

"Listen, look, I was gonna go to the room and Skype, uh, Emma, unless you wanted to crash, I won't do it."

"Oh, no, man, take all the time you want."

"Okay."

"Yeah, I'm gonna go for a walk." Ray said, "Those kids need you."

"I don't know, maybe. Thinking the only shots I'm gonna be getting on this deployment is gonna be from her, anyway."

"She's at that age, brother."

"She is, right?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah. Where you walking to?"

"I guess until I run into a church. Shouldn't take long, God-fearing country and all."

"Okay."

"All right."

"Yeah."

"All right, brother." Ray said and it was clear that Jason didn't buy his story.

"Count your blessings, Ray."

"I always do." Ray told him before he continued on to the bar Jason had just come out of.

Making his way up to his room he sat down on the computer and skyped Emma, "What's wrong?" She asked as soon as she saw her father's face.

"Paper pushers and cake eaters..." Jason told her.

"You or Clay who brought this on?"

"Kid...but he did the right thing."

"Then don't worry about it."

"Not that simple."

"Aunt Naima said that the transfers went through so we did the thing to get that loan...they also said that I can apply for your GI Benefits and some of it may be able to transfer over."

"That's a good thing then?"

"Yeah... its a good thing."

"I am just...your Mom was the one who knew how to do this...it was my job to do when she told me to...and now that she is gone..."

"You are scared...and a caveman." Emma smiled, "You are a good Dad...you know that, right?"

"I don't like you being home by yourself."

"Not alone." Emma smiled again.

"Who...?"

"Hi Mister Hayes." Hannah smiled when Emma turned the computer.

"Hi Hannah." Jason smiled.

"What is your schedule?" Emma asked.

"When we get a call we go in, other than that..."

"Boys getting antsy yet?"

"Clay is glued to the gym. Sonny's taken up residency by the pool."

"Trent and Brock are rotating between the two...what about Uncle Ray?"

"Went to find a church." Jason told her with a knowing look.

"I am working seven to three, four days on two days off." Emma told her dad, "Rehab wing at the VA."

"So you won't have your phone on you?" Jason asked.

"I will have it but it will be on silent."

"When Mikey comes home Grandma is going to come with him...I am waiting for an email back about him going to school there in the fall. Harrington knew someone there and arranged a scholarship."

"That's great Dad...but won't you be lonely with both of us gone?"

"I am hardly home Emm." Jason told her, knowing that he was going to be miserable, but it allowed him to get a small apartment and sell the house to pay for school.

"I will start going through Mom's things and get stuff packed up." Emma said, knowing that Mikey being gone would mean he would be selling their house.

"I don't have to..." Jason started.

"Mom is gone either way." Emma said with a sad smile, "I just want to see you happy."

"I am trying." Jason told her.

"I know Daddy. I love you." Emma said, knowing he was going to hang up.

"Love you." He said as he slammed his computer closed before she had a chance to see the tears fall from his eyes.


	31. Chapter 31

"You got a minute?" Clay asked, knocking on Jason's door only moments after Ray left for the evening.

"What's up?" Jason asked him, opening the door and allowing Clay to walk past him into his room.

"I just...my brain won't shut off." Clay finally said, and Jason nodded to his bed for him to sit, after thinking about it for a second Clay walked over and sat down on the edge of Jason's bed.

"Anything in particular?" Jason asked, walking back over and laying down on his bed staring at the ceiling.

"Feel like I am not good enough." Clay said looking down at his hands.

"Good enough for what?" Jason asked, once again surprised because the Kid was all talk...basically non stop...about how he was one of the best on the team.

"Ash...Stella...why doesn't anyone think I am good enough?" Clay said, turning to look at Jason, knowing they had the same conversation more than once.

"What made you think about them?" Jason asked and when Clay shrugged Jason pulled him back against him so he was laying down at his side the same way he had done when they had been stateside when the Kid was crashing at his house. "I would be toast without you Kid...don't you ever forget that." Jason closed his eyes and sighed, "Hell...you, Emma and Mikey are what is keeping me here right now." Jason admitted to him quietly.

Instead of saying anything Clay just snuggled his back closer into Jason's side and pulled his arm so it was under his head and held it like a child would hold a stuffed bear, having Jason acknowledge him as someone who mattered made him instantly feel better...with his dad, being...well, his Dad he sometimes had a hard time staying in reality. Knowing that Jason was struggling and he could somehow help him, help his family, that mattered. As much as he wished that Jason could act the same with him on and off the clock he understood why he couldn't, but those times when he did, they meant the world. When he felt Jason relax and he knew he had finally fallen asleep he moved to get up but Jason tightened his hold and Clay relaxed back down. "Ray will be back soon." Clay mumbled.

"I know." Jason said, not opening his eyes, he needed the comfort as much as if not more than Clay did.

"Okay." Clay mumbled back and Jason held him tighter and leaned his cheek into his messy blonde locks, relaxing only when he knew Clay was asleep.

When Ray let himself into the room a short while later he was surprised to find Clay asleep on Jason's bed, but he was even more surprised to see Jason asleep on Jason's bed and he silently pulled a blanket off his bed draping it over the two, seeing the tear tracks still wet on Jason's face he wondered what prompted the extra resident in their room but did not want to wake him to find out.

* * *

"Pretty Boy here never made it back to the room last night." Sonny teased at breakfast.

"Probably that cute bartender I saw him chatting up last night." Ray smiled at the Kid.

"I don't know what you two are talking about." Clay said before taking a bite of his omelette.

"At least tell me she was cute." Sonny said with a smirk, "You go back to her place?"

"Sonny is just jealous." Jason teased, "He has grounded himself from the glitter girls."

"Yeah Sunshine, what is up with that?" Brock asked. "We usually have to drag your ass home and you haven't gone out once."

"Maybe dying put my priorities in order." Sonny said, struggling to keep a straight face as all five threw their wadded up napkins at his face.

* * *

Every third night for the first month they were deployed Ray would come home from the bar to find Clay asleep in Jason's bed none of them ever mentioned it during the day but Ray had started to notice it aligned with the nights that Jason called home. That particular night though Ray decided to stay in and see if Jason would say anything. At exactly half past ten Jason got up and opened the door to their room a hair but didn't say anything, not even five minutes later Clay let himself in, sat down on Jason's bed and together they called Emma, neither of them acknowledging the presence of Ray in the room. Ray knew how close Jason and Clay had gotten and knew that they were basically family at home but to have that home cross over to a deployment made Ray concerned about where Jason's head was...it used to be him that Jason came to but since Clay had joined Bravo that had changed.

Seeing Jason and the Kid smile at the computer screen as Emma went on about her shifts at the hospital, or how she went over to Clay's apartment to check in on Swanny made Ray smile. It was rare lately to see anyone on the team act like family but watching Jason and Clay huddled next to each other talking to Jason's daughter he saw family. Ray also was quick to notice that when she turned the conversation into talk of packing up the house or sorting through Alana's things Jason would lean a little closer to Clay and when Emma talked about Caitlyn and her kids Clay leaned towards Jason. It was evident it wasn't just Clay joining Jason's family, they had joined his...or at least Emma had.

Once the conversation died down Emma started singing and Jason and Clay leaned back on the bed, computer sitting open on Clay's lap though Ray was sure that whatever Emma saw it was not either of their faces. Instead of drinking himself to sleep Ray fell asleep to the sound of Emma's singing, understanding why he found the Kid asleep in Jason's bed. Emma's voice was angelic and so very healing to his heart.

* * *

As if Sonny almost puking on Commander Shaw's shoes wasn't bad enough Jason had to get an earful from Blackburn about how his team needed to change. And by his team...he really meant him, he needed to change. When he was finished with his ass chewing he went straight to the bar and wasn't surprised to find the guys all still down there, Ray sitting back and sipping on his whiskey ginger as the rest of Bravo enjoyed the night.

It wasn't even an hour later that Jason was practically carrying Clay back to the hotel. Ray doing the same for Sonny, going back to Sonny and Clays room and Jason taking the Kid back to his. It was rare that anyone on the team ever got that drunk, but it had been one hell of a week and they knew the next day they were off the clock. "Bathroom." Jason pushed Clay into the bathroom.

"I'm not even that drunk." Clay slurred as he slumped into the doorframe.

"You trust me?" Jason asked.

"Duh." Clay tried to roll his eyes.

"Then listen."

"What is in that snake stuff?" Clay asked, putting his head in the toilet and puking.

"Snake Venom and gin usually." Jason laughed as he heard the sounds come from the bathroom as he grabbed the bottle from the fridge. "Sonny's gonna have the worst of it." Jason, far from sober, smiled, "He doesn't ever learn."

"How many times have you come here?" Clay asked when Jason walked in with some water.

"Drink...when you are done come out and I will have a bottle of this for you." He said waving the bottle of gaterade he had in his other hand.

"How many times Jay?"

"Too many to count..." He nodded.

When Clay came out and laid down on the bed Jason handed him the bottle, "Not the alcohol that gets you, it is the venom...you either build up a tolerance or you spend hours puking...or you get it out before it gets all the way in."

"Why would they share that?"

"You kidding me?" Jason asked, "It is hilarious."

"Sonny know your secrets?" Clay asked him as he slowly drank the red liquid from the bottle.

"I've tried to tell him...he will be feeling it tomorrow." Jason told him. "You drink that then you sleep."

"I can go back to my own room." Clay told him.

"No. You are staying here...you haven't tried it before and someone needs to keep an eye." Jason told him as he laid down on Ray's bed.

"Can we call Emma?" Clay asked, eyes struggling to stay open.

"Not sure she can answer." Jason shrugged as he pulled out the laptop, carrying it over to where Clay was laying.

"She will." Clay smiled.

"That so?" Jason asked him.

Emma answered on the first ring, "Everything okay?" She asked anxiously, usually Clay just text her on their off days so to get a video call she was worried.

"Kid had snake venom." Jason smirked.

"Really? Dad...he sick yet?" Emma rolled her eyes.

"Mmm fine. Wanted to hear you." Clay said sleepily.

"That so?" Emma rolled her eyes and Jason saw Hannah next to her, barely out of the main frame.

"Pleeeeeeaaaasssseeee?" Clay drunkenly requested.

"Only if you promise me you wont ever drink that stuff again?" Emma smiled.

"Mmmm Kay." Clay said, opening one eye and looking at Jason, "Sing me my song?" Clay asked Emma.

"Your song?" Jason asked, looking between the computer screen and Clay.

"Backstreet Boys song Dad...he heard me sing it for a competition for a decades thing..." Emma smiled.

"If anyone knew Pretty Boy liked the Backstreet Boys..." Jason laughed.

"Don't like them. Like her." Clay pointed at the computer screen.

 _"Open up your heart to me-and say what's on your mind-I know that we have been through so much pain-but I still need you in my life this time and I need you tonight. I need you right now. I know deep within my heart it doesn't matter if it's wrong or right-I really need you tonight..."_ Emma sang the song and Clay was passed out before the end of it.

"He's out Emm." Jason said as he laid back next to him, "You got one for me too?"

"I heard a song today...not sure if you will like it or not though." Emma told him, looking over at Hannah.

"Sing it." Jason heard Hannah say.

"If you are singing it I will love it." Jason told her.

 _"Daddys been a backrow Baptist-with his share of front row sin-his Saturday night still on his breath every sunday when he'd walk in. He's never led the Benediction, He's never sang in the choir but he's an angel with no halo and one wing in the fire...and I know he lives a little left of living right and he's come close to goin way to far a few times but I'd trade a thousand prayers if just one prayer would come true-Lord, please believe in him, like I believe in you."_

About halfway through the song Jason had tears streaming down his face and when she finished Emma smiled at him, "Did you like it?" Jason gave a small smile and nodded his head, "I have another one too that I am practicing. Going to go with Hannah later to record it in the park I think."

"What song?" Jason asked.

"It's an old one...you might not know it."

"Emm?"

"Its called Turn Turn Turn and it is by the birds or something."

"The Byrds, that was one of your Grandpa's favorite songs." Jason smiled.

"Really?"

"Yeah. His favorite Bible verse...he listened to that old record all the time."

"I have to go after that one though...you sure you guys are okay?"

"We are fine...some of them will be feeling it tomorrow but we are okay."

"Okay. I love you Dad."

"Love you too Emm." Jason said as his daughter started to sing his father's favorite song.

After she finished she blew him a kiss and closed her laptop, ending their call and Jason leaned back with a sigh, setting his laptop on the floor next to the bed. "Miss her." Clay mumbled in his sleep.

"Me too Bud, me too." Jason smiled. Times like they shared, more than just being his Boss, they reminded Jason just how lucky he was in life. He missed Alana and it was hell with her gone, but he knew that Clay would always keep an eye on Emma and Mikey. That if anything ever happened to him that his kids would be safe, and loved. He was anxious what life would be like once the school year started, when both of his kids moved out...when he moved out of the home him and Alana had built together. In all of his career he had never lived on base housing but for once he was going to and it made him almost more anxious than the idea of staying in the house alone.

"You are holding your breath." Clay mumbled, rolling so he was facing Jason. "Cmmmhrrr." Clay said, still half asleep as he stretched out his arm. Jason curling himself down and putting his head on Clay's chest. "Got you Jay." Clay told him as he felt Jason's body shake as he broke down.

* * *

"Oh, oh, Sonny, you got yourself about a bottle-a-day habit there with that sauce, you trying to marinate yourself with that?" Ray teased Sonny a couple days later as he dumped half a bottle of hot sauce on his third omelette of the day as they sat around playing poker.

"All this running around we're doing, I need something to keep the calories up so my pants don't fall down." Sonny laughed.

"You know, that's about all we've been doing is running in circles, man. We might as well deploy to a summer camp." Clay said, looking over at Jason.

"We get it. We understand, all right? Poster Boy here, he's itching for a little action, just a little mish. Kid Vicious, why don't you get yourself a roll of quarters, head down to the arcade, and blast some Space Invaders?" Sonny laughed at him, whole team joining in.

"Okay. Sonny, you know, it was really nice of you to support the local culture and buy that shirt here." Clay shot right back, "The real question here that everybody's asking is why you seem so content. Dude, we've been here for three weeks sitting on our asses, and you're not climbing the ceilings. What's going on, buddy?"

"Well, man, I am the don of the Philippines. Okay? I enjoy the Gucci missions."

"Basking in the glow of the red-light district'd be my guess." Jason smirked.

"He hasn't invited me to any late night outings. Any of you?" Trent asked.

As a chorus of no's made their way through the team Jason smiled, "I think he's sneaking around these little dirty alleys. And he's a little too embarrassed to bring a wingman, right?"

"Either that or he's sweet on a particular dancer, and he wants to keep her all to himself." Eric laughed.

"That it, Sonny? You got a special girl?" Ray asked.

"They all have a special place inside Sonny Quinn's big heart."

"No, no, no, no, that's a dodge. You're lying, man." Clay called his bluff.

"Sonny, she got a name? I mean, this girl?"

"Do y'all know that Blackburn's been counting cards every time? Counting the lies at this table."

"Yeah! Yeah! I want to get my money back!"

"Sonny, what's-what's her name, man? Hold on, what's her name, buddy?"

"Blackburn."

"Yeah, I ain't counting cards."

"I'm out." Ray said.

"I'm out. I got to run an errand, fellas." Eric said getting up from the table.

"Okay, it looks like it's between me and Poster Boy here. I'll tell you what, make it a little bit more interesting, I'll throw in a 20." Jason said.

"Ooh!" Sonny laughed.

"The boss man. Big money." Clay teased.

"Come on."

"All right, I'll, uh..."

"Don't do it." Ray said, cutting Clay off.

"I'm gonna, I'll call you and widen another hundo."

"Spenser, the man is about to drop a quarter mil on Emma's education, you got to leave him with a couple pennies." Ray teased.

"All I hear are gnats talking. I appreciate your help right now, Ray, but let me deal with this." Jason said.

"He's bluffing, okay?" Sonny laughed.

"Spank him."

"Let's go, let's do it right now." Clay smirked.

Really looking at Clay he knew he was beat, "I'm out." Jason told him leaning back in his chair.

"Aw! Come on!" Sonny groaned.

"What do you have?" Jason asked Clay.

"Wasn't a bluff, man, I got Aces and eights." Clay said, flashing his cards to the table.

"Aw. Right there. Guys, time out, that is bad juju right there. It's called the dead man's hand. It's what Wild Bill had the night that he got schwacked. So what I'm saying is, Clay, you best stay away from me right now." Sonny laughed.

"You know what? If my bad luck brings a couple of gunfighters, I'm good with it." Clay rolled his eyes at Sonny.

"All right, all right." Jason said shaking his head.

"It's about time for Naima to get up. I'm gonna take a walk, give her a call." Ray said, getting up and excusing himself from the table.

"Ooh, this is real money right here, boys. You know what? How much you clean up?" Sonny asked.

"Enough to cover my bar tab." Clay smirked.

"I'm going to meet up with Zee." Jason told Clay, "Meet up with you later."

"Who?"

"Guy with the big watch Jason's been bitching about all month." Brock shook his head, "He used to be on the teams, sold out."

* * *

After Jason finished his dinner with Mark he made his way back to the bar he knew the guys would eventually all make their way to and he sat down at the bar, the bartending bringing his drink before he had a chance to say anything and Jason quickly was lost in his own head. "Losing your touch there, Hayes. Snuck up on you." Mandy said as she sat down next to him.

"No, no, I saw you." Jason said, not looking up.

"You're a liar." She told him, "Gin and tonic, please." she said to the bartender.

"Good to see that you're taking a break." Jason said, he had hardly seen her since they got to Thailand and he missed their chats, she always helped him clear his head.

"Yeah, well. You know, I thought unplugging for a minute would be a nice distraction...what?" She asked when Jason leaned back with a sigh.

"I just remembered I turned 25 in this dump." Jason told her.

"25?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Wow. That is quite a long time ago. Cheers to that."

"Smart ass." Jason laughed, "Point is, I'm wondering if I'm cursed to an endless cycle of anti-Western chatter and faux-Western decor for the rest of my life."

"Right, right. I get it."

"Right?"

"I get it, 'cause I've been through this place more than once, I'll tell you that. You ever think about when to give it up?"

"No. There's always gonna be another mission."

"Don't they all kind of start blurring together for you?"

"Not about the mission. This our, my country. The team. I got a lot more to do. What about you? You're thinking about walking away, huh?"

"No. I never walk away. You know, we were here that time talking about Emma's future and your home and how complicated it all is."

"Yeah."

"In my life, I don't have that kind of complicated." Mandy said, looking up and seeing the rest of Bravo come in. "At some point I might want it."

"What do you mean?"

"Family?" Mandy answered, looking up at Jason as he smirked at her. "All right, I'm... What?"

"You said it."

"Maybe not, like, full white picket fence, okay?'

As quickly as their conversation went deep as soon as the guys were there it was back to superficial. A whole lot of teasing mixed in with real, just enough to be serious but still keep the night fun and Jason gave up on following all of the different conversations that were going on around him and just enjoy the moment. Every once in a while feeling Mandy's hand on his shoulder bringing him back to reality.

"Oh Okay, in Tagalog, she said you're her favorite Backstreet Boy."

"Smackin' the room without you, man. I'm gonna hit the head." Ray said getting up, as Jason watched him he found his way away from the bathroom and towards the other side of the bar.

"What, you getting all buzzy?" Jason asked Sonny when he checked his phone for the fifth time in a matter of minutes.

"Yeah, yeah. Got this angry Airbnb tenant blowing my phone up right now. I need to go handle it." Sonny said.

"Right, I'm sure they got terrified of what's in your little "forbidden closet." Clay teased as Sonny walked out the side door.

"Emma said to call a little later today. She was going to meet up with the chic she is going to be rooming with." Clay reminded Jason as he looked down at his watch.

"What about Swanny? You talk to him?" Jason asked.

"Yeah, yeah, I talked to him. He's good, man. He's just, uh Swanny? Apparently he fixed this plumbing issue I had in my apartment now for the past year, so that's good."

"Yeah, I'm sure he did, man. There's-there's not a problem that guy can't blast through."

"Operator's an operator."

"I don't know how he does it."

"What do you mean?"

"Life after the teams. I mean, a pipehitter like him, how do you walk away from all this, you know?"

"He works part-time as an EMT. He's gonna serve his country, he's gonna..."

"Yeah, but that's it, man, this isn't this isn't just a job, this is a it's a life."

"It's a life, yeah. This is ten times the life most people live."

"Okay. Look, riding with Bravo is all I need."

"That's all you need, riding with Bravo."

"What, been on our team for, what, a year? Fully for, what, eight years now?"

"Okay."

"You may see things a little differently with time, kid."

"All right, well, if I start seeing things differently I'm gonna need to get my eyes checked."

"Okay."

"Check, how many numbers am I holding up now, hm? Can you see that?" Jason teased Clay who smirked when Clay flipped him the bird, "I don't know what that is."

"That's okay." Clay got serious, "You know, when we almost lost Sonny, it became clear to me what I have. I've got five guys around me and one beating heart."

"Yup. Better than brothers."

"Honestly, I feel like I'm lucky enough to be a part of that, so I'm gonna give it all of me."

"Good, and don't forget that, man."

"All right?"

"Brothers."

"All right. Just give it all you got and fill up that pitcher, will you?" Jason laughed as Clay walked towards the bar. An explosion occurring from seemingly all around them and knocking them all off their seats and dust and screams appearing from all around.

As Jason crawled up from the floor he looked around and saw Clay slowly standing up, "Geez. Clay. You good?"

"Yeah, yeah." Clay answered, "You good, Jace?"

"Yeah, I'm good." Jason told him looking around, "Hey. Mandy?" He yelled just a little louder and taking a deep breath in when he saw her standing up.

One by one the team found each other as they took account of the bar they had been calling home for the last few weeks. Each man taking action immediately and triaging those who had been hurt or killed. When Clay looked up the next time he saw Sonny running toward him. "Oh, it is mayhem out there." He told them as the two ran outside to assess the damage.

It seemed to Clay that there was no end to those who had been hurt as he ran back and forth bringing people from the street into what had been deemed their triage area. Trading off as if in a fireline with Sonny so none of them had to go very far and could help more people in the process.

"Clay?" Sonny yelled when the scene was finally under control it seemed, only the minor injuries still out in the street.

"Yeah." Clay said running back out.

"Clay! Where you going?" Sonny yelled again, he had a bad feeling and rushed to follow him.

"Got more people out here need help." Clay said as he got further away, finding a crying child, "Hey! Hey! You okay?"

"Sinto." The little boy told him.

"Sinto what? What's Sinto?"

"My brother, Sinto!" The child said again, this time holding out a stuffed bear and Clay scooped him up and practically through him into Sonny's arms before he ran to find the small child.

Sonny watched as he ran around looking in all of the small places a scared child may hide in amazement. Kid had a one track mind and would help until every last person was taken care of. When Sonny saw him coming back he had the small boy in his arms and he shoved him at him shouting, "My friend Sonny's gonna take you two inside. He's gonna keep you safe. Okay? You're gonna be okay." Sonny shook his head as he turned his back to Clay, taking the boys inside only to be knocked forward, nearly dropping the boys in the process as another blast went off behind him.

The boys nearly forgotten Sonny ran to where Clay lay on the ground, "Clay. Clay! Clay! Oh, Clay. Clay, here, look at me, stay with me." As Sonny tried to assess his brother Trent, Jason, Ray and Brock all showed up right behind him and took over and their words all streamed together.

"Conscious, not breathing."

"All right, tourniquet."

"Wound's too high up. Uh, I'm gonna try and improvise a, uh, junctional."

"We got to get him to a hospital."

"Flag down that ambulance."

"Deep breaths, breathe, buddy, breathe! Breathe!" Jason yelled as Clay finally opened his eyes looking up at his brothers.

"Stay with me, man." Sonny begged.

"Keep your eyes open." Trent ordered.

"Breathe, buddy, breathe! Breathe, Clay. Okay? Deep breaths. You gonna be okay." Jason said, fighting his anxiety in order to help Clay however he could.

"Stay with me. Stay awake!" Sonny begged as the team got him on a backboard "Watch the head, watch the head."

As Trent climbed in the ambulance with Clay and the medics he yelled to Jason, "Listen to me. Listen. Take care of all the casualties. I'll call you when I get there."

The team stood frozen as they watched their brother leave in the distance, unsure if they would ever see him alive again and going over in their heads all of the things they could have said to him. Praying that he would survive. They saw his legs, they knew his chances...they were praying he could stay alive...they couldn't even think to the possibility of him serving again...they just needed him to keep breathing.

* * *

As the team sat at the hospital a few hours later still waiting for any news on Clay, still no sign of Trent. No sign of Eric. Bravo held vigile in the waiting room.

"Jason?" Mandy asked, walking in.

"Yeah?"

"How is he?"

"I don't have any information. Blackburn's in there now, trying to get an update." He told her as he dropped into a chair, leaning his head forward in his hands, "That's all I got."

As quickly as Mandy came she went, back to work, back to find the people who did this to their brother. They all knew she wouldn't rest until they could get payback. She knew how Bravo worked.

"He's in critical condition. Traumatic injury to both legs, severe blood loss." Eric said, walking out slowly toward Jason and the rest of Bravo.

"When do we get to see him?" Jason asked.

"Yeah, when?" Sonny echoed.

"Not anytime soon. His condition was too complex to treat here. We've airlifted him out, back to the States." Eric told them as Trent walked out, covered in Clay's blood.

"Trent?" Jason asked...he trusted Eric but Trent...Trent was their Doc.

"He is stable enough to fly. Only chance of him coming back was to get him back to the states before the tissue has a chance to die." Trent said, looking dazed.

"The tissue?" Sonny asked.

"His legs are wrecked Jace...I don't know...I did what I could but I don't know..." Trent said, stepping forward and Jason pulled him into a hug. "I did what I could..." Trent sobbed as Jason felt weak in the knees and Bravo circled around them.

* * *

Sonny flat out refused to go back into his room after they left the hospital so Ray went in and packed all their things up and moved their bags into their room. Ray knew that none of them would really be sleeping until they heard word that Clay was okay and when he made his way back to his room he was not surprised to find the whole team sitting around waiting on word from Eric.

"You should call Emma." Sonny said looking at his phone for the hundredth time. "Tonight is your night to call her."

When he said that Ray's eyes snapped up, all the talk about Clay not making it back to the room...Sonny had known and Ray wondered just how much the Kid talked to him. "Do you know what hospital he is going to be going to?" Ray asked Trent.

"Portsmouth." Trent said, "Have a buddy there that is doing amazing things with blast injuries...explained to him the clamp I put on Clay...hope to save his legs but only time will tell."

"You actually talked to this doctor?" Jason asked.

"As soon as Clay was on the plane I called him to tell him I was sending him...what he needed to do...it is all still experimental but..."

"But it is Clay." Jason said with a small nod.

"Emma should be there then." Sonny said, "Clay can't be there alone."

"Trent?" Jason asked, trusting whatever Trent said as the final word.

"He will live...if I was worried about that I wouldn't let him fly over."

"But his legs..." Jason said, pulling the computer out. "She will have questions."

"I know." Trent answered, moving over to sit next to Jason and Sonny who were on the bed.

* * *

Emma was with Hannah and pacing back and forth in her bedroom waiting for her Dad or Clay to call her. She tried to look up Clay's location but it said offline.

"They may have gone on a mission." Hannah tried to convince her best friend.

"One of them always tells me before they leave." Emma shook her head, "Something happened to Clay."

"You don't know that." Hannah told her.

"Even when they are on mission this tells me location secured...it has never said offline." Emma said as she blinked away the tears that were threatening to fall.

"Emma maybe he just broke his phone..."

"Shh...Dad is calling." Emma said quickly clicking to accept the video on her laptop. "Is he dead?" Emma asked, before the picture was even through.

"He is being flown to Portsmouth." Jason told her, not surprised that she knew something had happened to Clay already.

"What happened?" Emma asked.

"IED...pressure cooker...we were at the damn bar." Jason told her.

"How bad?" She asked, tears in her eyes.

"It's bad Emm." Jason said, fighting the tears in his own eyes.

"Are you guys hurt?" Emma asked seeings cuts and bruises on her Dad's face as she tried to get a better look at Sonny and Trent.

"Bumps and bruises. Kid was right next to the second blast." Jason said, voice breaking.

"Ray did you call Naima?" Emma asked.

"Will call her now." She heard Ray say in the background.

"She is on shift. She should hear it from you before it is on the news." Emma told them. "I will go there and be there when he gets there...wait...when will he get there?"

"They will probably take him right into surgery but he has you as his emergency contact." Trent said. "If you get there before you should be allowed to see him...and he is somewhere over the Pacific right now."

"Landed in San Diego, refueling and will be in the air within the next fifteen minutes plane will go to the airfield in Norfolk and he will be airlifted from there to the hospital." Eric said, letting himself into the room.

"Where should I meet him?" Emma asked.

"Harrington is pulling strings, will have a pass for you and will take you to the airfield himself so you can ride with him to the hospital."

"Waiting on a call from Harrington then?" Emma said.

"Yes." Eric said.

"Sonny?" Emma said, looking at Clay's best friend, "Not your fault."

At her words Emma saw Sonny crumble and it broke her heart, when Jason pulled Sonny into him they heard Emma said, "Daddy I love you."

"I am sorry." Jason tried to tell her, looking back at the screen.

"Not your fault either. Clay will be okay." Emma told him, "So will you guys."

"Emma?" Jason said, "Sing him his song...make sure he hears your voice before surgery."

"What are you guys doing the rest of the night?" Emma asked as Hannah moved around the room packing a bag for Emma to stay at the hospital. Hannah knew Emma well enough to know that she wouldn't be leaving the hospital anytime soon.

"Same thing as you." Trent answered, "Waiting on word on Clay."

"Don't forget to breathe." Emma said, her voice breaking.

"Emma if it is too much we can have Naima be there." Ray said, walking over and popping his head in frame."

"It is way too much but I can't not be there." Emma said, wiping a tear from her face. "Clay is family."

"Emma his legs...there is a chance..."

"Clay will be fine." Emma said, digging up as much gumption as she could, "He is too stubborn not to be. Bravo is what he lives for."

"You might want to call Stella."

"If he wants to call her he can." Emma said, crossing her arms.

"Sometimes I am not sure which one of you is looking out for the other." Trent laughed.

"We look out for each other." Emma said, "Eric is Ash getting notified?"

"He will get a call that Clay was hurt and in the hospital...but which hospital...that information is classified." Eric answered.

"He getting admitted under his name?" Emma asked.

"Haven't gotten that far."

"Put him as Spencer Hayes." Emma said.

"Spencer Hayes huh?" Jason gave his daughter a look.

"You have a better idea?" Emma asked, "If his brain was rattled he will recognize Spencer as his name...but if someone were to run a search for him it wouldn't pop."

"What do you know about running names?" Jason asked his daughter.

"I plead the fifth." Emma said with a smile.

"Spencer Hayes it is." Eric said with a chuckle, "No doubt she is your daughter."

"Damn right." Emma smiled before frowning, "Should I tell Swanny?"

"Not yet. Once he hears what happened he will be camped out at the hospital." Ray said, "Kid needs what Swanny can't give him."

"Daddy what can we do for you guys?"

"Make sure to keep Harrington updated. He will feed the information through to us. Until we know who did this Bravo is going to be on lockdown."

"No phones, no computers?" Emma asked and she saw Jason, Sonny and Trent look over to where Eric was standing.

"They will have access on base."

"But it will be monitored." Emma said.

"We don't know who did this." Jason said as Hannah flipped on CNN to see coverage of multiple blasts in a Manilla street streaming across her screen.

"It is already on the news." Emma told them.

"Not that Bravo was there...or that Clay was hurt." Eric said. "Emma it is important that you only talk to Harrington, Naima and his doctor."

"I will go in with my scrubs on...name badge and all...I work there remember." Emma said and Trent smiled at her.

"You damn well better make it so that no one questions me being with him."

"Harrington is working on that now. But we really do need to lock down communication now." Eric said.

"Get off the call then?" Jason asked, even though he already knew the answer.

"Emm before you go...think you can sing us out?" Ray asked and Emma could see the tears in her father's eyes as he looked past the screen at Ray.

"I think I can do that." Emma said, "Love you guys."

"Love you Kiddo." Jason said back, "I will call you when I can."

When Emma started to sing what was now known as Clay's song she saw the guys all huddle together, holding her Dad as her Dad held Sonny and she had to look away from the screen in order to make it through. Hannah slamming the screen down as she finished, letting out a wail as Hannah pulled her best friend into her arms. "He can't die." Emma cried over and over.

"He isn't going to die." Hannah told her, "Trent wouldn't have let him fly over the ocean if he was worried about him dying."

"If he loses his legs...Hannah that would kill him."

"One step at a time, right?" Hannah asked, "You are going to get under his skin and not let him give up...which you and I both know he will get lost in his own head...you have to keep pulling him out."

"What if I am not strong enough?"

"You are."

"When he gives up...I don't know if I can see him like that."

"You are strong enough for both of you...don't let him forget that he isn't alone."

"He won't want to talk to any of the team until he knows he can come back."

"That is going to be months...if ever."

"I move in three months."

"Then he has three months to get his ass home and out of the hospital."

"Why Clay?" Emma asked, sobbing as she sank down to the floor.

"Clay is strong. He can make it through this." Hannah told her.

* * *

When Harrington showed up at her front door Emma opened it and fell into his awaiting arms. She had known him her entire life and she knew he felt the pain of Bravo's family. "Let's get you there." He said to her, smiling to see her in her hospital uniform, taking her small duffel and leading her to his car. The ride to the airfield was quick and as they sat on the tarmac next to the awaiting helo the man held her hand. When the plane landed he put a new work badge around her neck before pushing her to one of the medics standing next to the helo. "You've got this Kid." He told her before chaos erupted around her.

"Put your bag here, we will make sure it gets into his room. Once he is on the ground you are going to sit on the head of the gurney and I have orders for you to stay there until he goes into the surgery suite." The medic told her before walking her over to the plane.

"Okay." Emma nodded, "Is he...?"

"He was sedated for the flight, took him off about ten minutes ago so he may be awake but groggy...he is on heavy duty pain meds so he can't feel anything." The medic added quickly.

"Does he know what happened?" Emma asked.

"Our report says that he has been under the entire flight. Minimal responsiveness prior to the flight."

"Will his legs be covered?"

"His legs are wrapped and will be that way until the surgeon removes the wrapping. It will just look like he is under a blanket."

"Okay." Emma said as they opened the door to the plane. When the medic nodded he helped her jump onto the head of the gurney and watched as she ran her fingers through his hair, Clay's eyes flickering open. "I'm here." She told him as they were pushed to the helo.

When they were in the air he started to dart his eyes around as anxiety set in and the medic pointed to her to calm him down and she curled herself around and with the help of one of the other medics lifted his head to put it on her lap as she held him he stared at her, as long as their eyes were locked he was calm. As long as she was there he was safe.

When they arrived at the hospital they had her stay the way she sat holding him, the medics quickly overriding protocol, handing them a direct order for her to stay with him unless it was deemed detrimental and then she was to stay directly outside of whatever room he was in.

"Emma, Trent said that you would be with Spencer, do you feel comfortable staying with him until we start the procedure?" The doctor asked her as they entered the surgery wing.

"Can I stay for the surgery?" Emma dared to ask, not looking away from Clay who still held his eyes to her, ignoring everyone around them.

"I would like for you to stay with him until we need to get him sterilized, then I will have a nurse take you to get scrubbed up and then yes, if you wish you can watch. But I want to warn you, this will just be the first of many procedures. I will go until his body needs to rest."

"Figured as much. For them to bring him back here...Trent trusts you." Emma said, looking up from Clay, trying to hide the tears that were filling her eyes.

"We go back a few years." The doctor told her with a sly smile, seeing the anxiety on Clay's face he looked at Emma, "Lock eyes with him again." He instructed and she did, calming him instantly. "Now look to me." The doctor watched as his heart rate climbed. "How are you connected to him?"

"He is family." Emma said, not looking away.

"Teams." The doctor chuckled, "You girlfriend or..."

"My Dad is his Boss." Emma said, deciding she could trust the doctor. "He was there when my Mom was killed...and the team spends a hell of a lot of time together."

"You ready for this?" He asked her. "He is going to push them away. I need you to push back no matter what he says."

"He is family." Emma shrugged. "Whatever happens...I'm not going anywhere." She said, looking directly at Clay but answering the doctor as she watched a tear slip from his eye. "Is it okay if I sing to him?" She asked as the anesthesiologist started to set things up around her.

"About three minutes and I will be ready." The anesthesiologist told the doctor.

"You have three minutes til lights out then." The doctor smiled, "I am going to go scrub up, once he says it is time Erica will take you to get scrubbed up and then you will be able to watch from over there." He said, pointing to a stool in the corner of the surgical suite. "If at any point I need you to step out..."

"I go." Emma said, "Navy Brat, remember?"

"Team guys are used to running the show...not always good at listening." The doctor smiled.

"Yeah well, I am not on the teams...just grew up with them." Emma smiled before she started to sing Clay's song.


	32. Chapter 32

"No way am I staying in that cursed room a single minute!" Sonny yelled the next morning at Eric after he had told them there was not a room available for him to switch.

"The hotel doesn't have other rooms available."

"None of us are staying in that room Blackburn." Ray told him with his arms crossed as Jason stood in the hall with Trent as Trent tried to explain the medical side of what Clay's recovery might look like for the hundredth time in the last twenty four hours.

"Best I can do is have a cot moved into one of the other rooms."

"Fine. I would sleep on the damn floor over that room. Not doing it. Mmmm Mmmm. Not stepping foot in that room." Sonny paced back and forth like a caged animal. "Hasn't Mandy found who did this yet?"

"Move it in here." Ray told Eric, ending the conversation as he walked out shaking his head. He understood why Sonny didn't want to stay in the room without Clay but this level of defiance from Sonny was very new.

Walking slowly up to Sonny Ray put his hand on the mans shoulder, "Why don't you lay down and close your eyes for a minute Sonny Boy? None of us have slept and when we do get the call we have to be on the top of our game."

"Can't." Sonny said, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "Until I know what is going on with him I can't."

"Sonny shut up and lay down...now." Jason yelled from the hallway and Sonny did what he was told.

"Brock is down there checking in with Mandy now, when he gets back I will head down there and call the hospital myself." Trent said as the two walked into the room. "Ray is right though, none of us have slept and we all need to."

"Go down there now. You and Brock come back together with a full report." Jason snapped. "Call Emma if that is what it takes to get an answer. We need to know he is okay." Jason said as he sat down next to Sonny on the bed.

"On it Boss." Trent said before walking out.

Once it was just Ray and Sonny with him he allowed himself to feel and he felt the tears streaming down his face as he pictured Clay the last time he laid eyes his guy that was like his own son. "I can't do this." Jason yelled as he threw a pillow off the bed at the wall.

"Clay is going to live. We know that much. It is up to the Doc now to work his magic and up to the Kid on his recovery...and up to Mandy to help us get payback. We can't lose it now. He needs us." Ray tried to remain the voice of reason as Jason flopped back and covered his eyes with his arm.

"He is what has gotten me through the last few weeks...I can't...I can't do this without him." Jason mumbled, knowing that the two in the room with him knew exactly how much the Kid has helped him get through.

"We found a way before him and we will find a way until he can come back. We will find a way Jace." Sonny said, scooting over and laying down at Jason's side, reaching an arm out and putting his hand on his friend's shoulder, "Got you Jace." As much as Sonny was hurting it scared the hell out of him to see Jason struggling as much as he was. If Jason could find a way he knew he would be okay but if Jason didn't see a way forward how in the hell was he suppose to?

* * *

Whimpering drew Emma's attention back to Clay's face from where she had been staring at his bandaged legs. "Hey." Emma smiled as Clay opened his eyes. He had been off the ventilator for two hours and the doctor had said he should start to wake up anytime. "You know where you are?" Emma asked him.

"Hospital." He said, his voice barely above a whisper. "Hurts."

"What hurts?"

"Everything." He told her, turning his head slowly to face her as she scooted the chair closer to his bed.

"Okay." Emma said, pushing the button that had the iv pain meds. "Do you remember what happened?"

"Bomb...Manilla...are they...are they dead?" Clay asked.

"No, they are okay. Worried about you. You were right next to the second blast."

"My legs?" Clay asked, looking down and seeing nothing past the pile of sheets.

"Still there." Emma said with a small smile, "Doc says you have a few more procedures to go but he didn't want to push."

"How bad?" Clay asked.

"Bad...but he thinks recovery is a possibility." Emma told him with a shrug.

"I can't not...I need..." Clay said as he started to hyperventilate and Emma moved over and put her hands on his face.

"Breathe with me." She told him as she traced the cuts and bruises on his face as he silently let his tears fall. "Every step of the way I am going to be pushing you...you don't get the option to give up on yourself." She told him and he nodded. As he stared at her he searched her eyes for any doubt and all he saw was love and determination and he took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "The medicine is going to kick in soon, but you are checked in here as Spencer Hayes. Harrington has me assigned as your CNA so you won't be getting rid of me anytime soon."

"Hayes?" Clay asked, confused.

"No one other than Bravo knows you are back in the states. Your file just says injured hospitalized Manilla. They aren't updating it until they figure out who started this."

"What hospital?"

"Mine." Emma said.

"So Ash won't find out." Clay said, not quite a question, not quite a statement.

"Wanted to ask you who you wanted to know." Emma shrugged.

"What are my chances?" Clay asked as Emma looked up to see the surgeon walk in.

"To be back on teams? About 10% which is higher than your chance of making it there to begin with." The doctor said. "There is a lot of damage and some I can't fix...but if you do everything we tell you to...I think you can make it back."

"How long?" Clay asked.

"Months." The doctor answered. "You will be here in ICU for a month or so until we are done with the procedures and your skin is healing."

"You sure I still have legs?" Clay asked nervously.

"Spencer you had traumatic damage to the femoral nerve in both legs. Your legs were shredded from the shrapnel. If Trent hadn't have been there you wouldn't have legs at all right now." The doctor told him. "Now. No more questions for now, I need you to rest. You are on my schedule for another procedure tomorrow morning."

"Thanks Doc." Emma said, taking Clay's hand in hers and squeezing it.

"Uh...Emm...I kinda have to pee." Clay said, looking at her sheepishly.

"You are hooked to a cath Bud and will be for a while." Emma told him.

"Pissing in a bag?" Clay asked.

"Can't exactly get up and walk to the bathroom right now." Emma reminded him. "Gonna be a long few weeks here..."

"You will be here?" Clay asked her.

"Even after you tell me to get lost." Emma said, "And you will."

"No...I won't." Clay said, scared that she will leave.

"You will...but I am going to be here anyway."

"Mmm scared." Clay told her, squeezing her hand a little tighter.

"Me too." Emma told him.

"What if..."

"We are never going to do what if's." Emma cut him off.

"Can you...can you stay with me?"

"Already told you Harrington had me assigned as your CNA."

"I don't really know what that means."

"Means I have an unlimited access pass to Spencer Hayes." Emma said as she waved her badge where he could see it.

"It really hurts." Clay said as he closed his eyes.

"Where?"

"Everywhere...well...I can't really feel my legs but my head...and back and neck and chest and..."

"Everywhere...got it." Emma said. "And you can't feel your legs because of the epidural like meds to keep you from moving and screwing up what he is doing." Emma turned his hand over in hers and started to massage his arm, starting at his fingertips and making her way up to his shoulder until the drugs took over and she knew he was asleep.

* * *

"Clay made it through the first surgery. He still has both legs. Blood flow is good. Severe damage to muscle structure and nerves are very damaged...Doc says he will go back in in the morning."

"Is he...?" Jason started to ask.

"Emma is with him." Brock said.

"Did you talk to her?" Jason asked.

"No. Talked to the Doc. Kid has more surgeries before he can even think about starting PT. Guys this...if...it is going to be months before we know anything."

"Can we talk to him?" Sonny asked.

"Doc said he is going to be in and out for the next few weeks with all of the surgeries. We can have Naima pick up a new phone for him but until we have access out there isn't much of a point." Brock said, sitting down on the cot that had made its way into Jason and Rays room.

"Months?" Jason asked again.

"If ever." Trent told him.

"And not a damned thing we can do...kinda feels like I am back in that tube all over again." Sonny mumbled as a tear slid from his eye down on to the bed.

* * *

"You haven't gone home in over a week." Clay snapped at Emma as they watched the Avengers movie for the tenth time in so many days.

"Nope." Emma said, not bothering to look at him.

"Don't you want to?"

"No." Emma said as she fought the tears that she refused to let fall, "No one is there. I can't call Dad...and you are here." It had been a rough day, the doctor was reducing the pain medication and making him ask for it when he needed it instead of it being on a schedule...but he was too stubborn to ask for it.

"You aren't really doing anything to help." Clay told her.

"Yeah... So?" Emma said.

"I am fine to be here by myself." Clay said, looking over at her.

"Doesn't mean you should be. We are family and you are being an ass."

"Emma I..." Clay started, wanting to snap at her but knowing she was right and he was just taking his frustration out on her. Softening he looked at her, he could tell she was fighting the tears, she had been so strong for him and tried to hide her fear so that he would feel stronger, "Emma look at me."

"No." Emma said looking down at her hands.

"Dammit Emma." Clay mumbled.

"No. Clay just stop." Emma said as she looked up at the ceiling, fighting the tears that were threatening to fall, it had been a week of hell. All of the procedures that the doctor had to do to repair his legs, they took their toll and she was basically the only one that was there. Naima stopped by and brought her the things she needed but she didn't come in to visit, she didn't really have time with two kids at home, especially when she knew that Emma was there the entire time anyway. Clay had finally had her call Brett to let him know and he had been up to visit a few times and was working on being up there during the day so that she could work her regular shifts.

"Talk to me." He whispered, knowing that the tears in her eyes were because of him.

"No. You are trying to push me away and I can't lose you. I can't lose anyone else."

"I didn't die." Clay reminded her, trying to make her smile but it backfired and he regretted the words before they were even fully out of his mouth.

"Fuck you." Emma said as she jumped up, tears spilling down her cheeks.

"Emma." Clay looked up to see another nurse standing in the doorway and Clay shook his head to send them away as Emma continued to yell at him.

"No. I already lost my mom. Adam died. Nate died. Sonny almost died...You almost died. My dad...I...they are all hurting and I can't do anything to help anyone and I can't talk to anyone about you because everything is fucking classified. I can't even tell Hannah how you are doing. Did you know that? She was with me when I got the call that you got blown up so she knows exactly what happened but I can't tell her anything other than you are stable."

"I don't want to be mad at you because I am mad at this." Clay said waving his arm over his legs.

"That's just it though...I want you to get mad...if you are mad then I know you aren't giving up." Emma said, finally turning to look at him, "And right now all I want to do is go over there and hug you and have you hold me and have you tell me that everything is going to be okay but I can't because if I bump something or you move then it can screw up your legs and then..."

"Emma come here." Clay said, tears now in his own eyes. Sometimes he forgot that Emma was barely out of high school, that she wasn't a SEAL, that she was still a teenage girl despite how strong she forced herself to be...she was his rock and she didn't have to be...she was choosing to be there with him and he was being a dick.

"I can't." Emma said as she choked back a sob.

"Emma come here." Clay said as the tears started to slip down his cheeks as he tried to sit up and move closer to her desperate to hold her like she had said when he couldn't sit up he sank back with a sob, when she looked at him he started to cry even harder, "What if I can't get better?"

Slowly she walked over to him and laid his bed down so it was flat and she sat down on the head of the bed as he put his head on her lap like she had done that first day he arrived back in the States, "Then we get you through this together."

"I'm scared." Clay said, putting his hands over his eyes and Emma leaned forward and put her chin on his elbow.

"You aren't the only one." Emma mumbled. "I was serious when I said I can't lose anyone else...and it isn't just your legs that got fucked up in Manilla...all the guys saw it...they had to say goodbye to you not knowing if they would ever see you alive again...did you know that?" Emma asked, "Or that Sonny refused to go back into your room and is now sleeping on a cot with Dad and Ray?...Or that my Dad hasn't slept since you got hurt...Mandy hasn't either from what Blackburn has told me...Bravo is your fucking family and we are all hurting. Yeah, you survived...but are you still you? You won't even talk to anyone...hell...I don't even know if they know you can talk...Blackburn does but I don't know what all he shares with the guys."

"I can't call them back...not until I know I am going to make it back..." Clay said, choking on a sob.

"Oh Baby..." Emma said wiping the tears from his eye with her thumb, "You don't have to do this on your own."

"I'm not alone." Clay said, looking up at Emma, "I have you."

Emma smiled at him, "Always."

"I just miss..."

"You aren't going to be in the hospital forever."

"I don't know who I am if I am not a Team Guy." Clay told her as the tears started flowing again.

"You are a Ravenclaw. A bigger Harry Potter nerd than me. You like wine better than beer but drink beer to be like one of the guys. You love classic cars and the 49ers. You read more than anyone else I know..."

"Emma..." Clay cut her off.

"No. You are Clay Spencer...well...Spencer Hayes while we are in here... to me you are not Bravo Six...to me you are not a sniper..."

"How do you...?"

"I'm not dumb." Emma rolled her eyes, "To me you are you...being a team guy is your job..."

"Don't know what I would do without you." Clay said as he closed his eyes, Emma gently tracing his features.

When the doctor walked in a short while later he found Emma sitting on the bed as she brushed Clay's shaggy hair from his eyes as he tried to calm himself down. "Nurse told me the two of you had words."

"He doesn't want to take his anger out on me so he was being a dick." Emma told the doctor.

"It is going to be a long road." The doctor said and Clay let out a shaky breath. This all felt so impossible and he couldn't see any future where he was able to be back with his brothers.

"We will figure it out, he just has to get it through his stupidly thick skull that I am never going to give up on him." Emma said, gently stroking his cheek.

"Clay we can put you on antidepressant or anxiety medication if that is something you think might help you."

"No. No more medicine." Clay mumbled, reaching his arm up and hooking his hand under Emma's leg.

"Just know that the option is there if you need it." The doctor said. "We are also concerned about a few other things."

"My legs?" Clay asked.

"Not your legs specifically but your overall health." The doctor explained.

"You haven't had a BM and are barely eating and both of those things could lead to severe complications." Emma said before looking up to the doctor.

"She is a smart one Spencer, you should listen to her." The doctor smiled, "Nurse slipped him a laxative with the last batch of pills he took. If things don't start moving soon then we will need to give him a suppository." The doctor said with a small smile, he had known who Emma was from a couple of the other doctors in the unit, knowing she was one who usually pushed the soldiers the most, but when it was her family he knew it would be different for her even though she wanted to stay all business.

"How am I supposed to take a dump when I can't move my legs?" Clay mumbled without opening his eyes as his cheeks turned pink in embarrassment for even needing to have this conversation.

"Bedpan." The doctor and Emma said at the same time.

"No." Clay said.

"You have a better idea?" The doctor asked.

"No." Clay mumbled, opening his eyes and looking between Emma and the Doc. "I do not want someone else wiping my ass."

"You do not have a choice." The doctor told him. "You cannot twist your body."

"You are not doing it." Clay glared at Emma and she burst out laughing.

"What is it that you think a CNA does?" Emma asked.

"No."

"Lucas can do it then." The doctor said, "He will be in to assist with placing the bed pan anyway."

"The PT?" Emma asked, knowing that helping with bed pans was not typically something they did.

"This is fucking humiliating." Clay mumbled.

"Spencer here isn't our typical patient." The doctor smiled, "Don't often get Tier One guys in here but when we do..."

"They don't usually stay long and they are total pain in the asses." Emma smirked, looking at Clay. "CNA's do showering, toileting, feeding, range of motion..."

"I don't want someone to have to wipe my ass."

"Pretty sure you didn't want to be blown up either." Emma snapped. "Stop being a brat and focus on healing so you don't need it any longer than you actually need it."

* * *

"Listen up Boys. Pack up. We are moving out. Wheels up in two hours." Eric told them as they sat around the table eating breakfast.

"Mandy find them?" Jason asked, not getting his hopes up.

"No. Moving to Guam." Eric said, crossing his arms and preparing for a fight.

"Mean we get our phones back?" Jason asked him.

Looking between Ray and Jason, Eric answered, "Once you land on American soil, yes."

"Okay." Jason said, pushing his plate away and standing up and walking back towards his room, it had been two weeks since the bombing and they were all going stir crazy.

"What's in Guam?" Ray asked after Sonny took off behind Jason.

"Shaw thinks new scenery will help Bravo step up its game." Eric monotoned.

"Why Guam?"

"Your deployment is to do training in the Pacific Theater. Not very many places to choose from."

"You hear from Clay?" Ray asked as he stood up with Brock and Trent.

"Doc says he has a phone. Has refused to touch it. Says Emma has been reading him her texts and playing the voicemails on speaker when she goes in." Eric said with a shrug.

"She isn't staying there?" Trent asked.

"She is. When Swann gets there in the morning she goes to work her normal shift. Only time she isn't with him."

"Swanny knows?" Brock asked, surprised that Clay would call Swanny but not them.

"Kid finally gave her permission to tell him. Thought it would make her leave." Eric said.

"Now he has two sets of eyes." Ray finished.

"Kid is a hell of a lot like Jason." Eric said. "Harrington said he ghosted Bravo when he was hurt the first time."

"Shaw thinks Guam will help?" Ray asked.

"There is a full health eval team awaiting our arrival." Eric said, "Have fun with that."

"Take it you are waiting to tell Jason."

"Yes. But he doesn't have a choice."

"That's going to end well." Brock mumbled.

* * *

"PT starts today. Brett is going to be here but if you need me just call." Emma said, leaning over to brush the hair from his face.

"You don't have to do that." Clay said.

"What?"

"Act like you care."

"You can be a real asshole." Emma told him, "You could also answer them." She said as she dropped his phone on his chest.

"Nothing to tell them."

"They haven't heard your smartass voice in three weeks."

"Still sounds the same."

"Do you know why Shaw moved them to Guam?" Emma snapped. "They got moved because they can't fucking focus because they are worried about your stubborn ass and it is going to get one of them hurt."

"You done?"

"No." Emma snapped, "Sit up. You are putting on a clean shirt before Lucas comes in." Clay leaned forward and pulled up the shirt he had on and traded it for the clean one that Emma handed him. As she helped pull it down his back he felt her fingertips on his skin and shivered, "Cold?" Emma asked.

"No." Clay said as he felt a lump in his throat and Emma saw him looking at her hands.

Touch. He had barely felt human touch since he was blown to hell and despite needing someone to do anything he hasn't had a loving touch and she smiled, "Do you trust me?" Emma asked him.

"What the fuck kind of question is that?" Clay asked her, if he didn't trust her before all of this he certainly did now. Anything he had needed, she had been the one to do it...or had helped to do it.

"Lean forward." Emma said, lifting up his shirt as he did and crawling in behind him.

"What are you doing?"

"Touching you." Emma told him, "That a problem?" With a shake of his head he tilted his body to the side and wrapped his arms around her leg, "Now that PT is starting I am not worried about fucking anything up...and..."

"You won't hurt me." Clay told her, bad attitude instantly out the window when she crawled in behind him.

"I need you to be strong and push through even when it feels impossible." Emma said as she massaged his back and his side as he closed his eyes, allowing himself to get lost in her touch. When he squeezed her leg in a rapid succession of three she smiled, "Always."

"What am I going to do when you move to New York?" Clay asked her as she pulled his shirt back down, knowing that Swanny would be there any minute.

"Six hour drive." Emma smiled, "and only a phone call away."

"What if I am still in the hospital?"

"You won't be."

"How do you know?"

"You are starting PT today."

"And?"

"And I know you...and I know that you can do this and you are too stubborn to fail." According to the original timeline he shouldn't be starting PT for another two months.

"But what if...?"

"Ten percent."

"Ten percent what?"

"You have a ten percent chance of being a SEAL again."

"Yeah...those aren't exactly good odds." Clay told her.

"When you joined the Navy you had a six percent chance." Emma said as she climbed out from behind Clay. "Don't you fucking forget that Bravo Six."

"Morning." Swanny said walking in, passing Emma as she walked out with a smile on her face.

"What is she so happy about?"

"Six percent." Clay mumbled more to himself than to Brett.

"That suppose to mean something?" Brett asked as he sat down, picking up Clay's phone and looking at all of the missed calls and texts.

"I'm not calling them."

"One of those day today huh?" Swanny asked.

"What the hell is that suppose to mean?" Clay snapped.

"You have your panties in a twist." His friend shrugged, "I've been there."

"You could just go you know." Clay mumbled.

"Nope. I want to watch the PT. You told Emma she can't be here so guess who is instead."

"I don't need a babysitter."

"No. What you need is a cheerleader and since you turned away the cute one you are stuck with me."

"Pom poms and all." Clay shook his head.

"Baby."

"You are an idiot."

"You are a dick." Brett smirked as Lucas walked in.

"Cheerleader?" Lucas smiled at Brett.

"He forgot his pom poms." Clay grumbled as he started to sit up and swing his legs over the edge of the bed.

"Where are you going?" Lucas asked.

"PT?" Clay questioned.

"You going to walk there?" Lucas asked. Clay shrugged. "Standing. Today we are working in here." Clay nodded as his bare feet touched the cold floor. "You think you are ready?" Lucas asked as he pulled out a gait belt and expertly wrapped it around Clay's waist.

"Don't need that."

"Prove it." Lucas said and Clay pushed himself up and immediately his legs buckled and it was Lucas with the gait belt that kept him from hitting the floor.

Seeing Clay's confidence immediately disappear Brett walked over beside him, "Try again." He yelled at him. Again Clay tried to stand and again Lucas caught him.

"No point." Clay mumbled as Lucas sat him down on the bed. "Fucking joke."

"You will get there. I assure you. If you let me do it my way." Lucas told him.

"Six percent." Brett mumbled just loud enough for Clay to hear.

Lucas smiled. "Wiggle your toes." Clay tried and winced when he felt pain shoot up his leg. "That is exercise number one."

"Seriously?" Clay asked.

"You telling me it doesn't hurt?" Lucas asked him, "Number two. Flex your ankles." Clay did and whimpered in pain. "Number three, pick your heel off the mattress."

"I want to get out of bed." Clay said, frustrated beyond belief. He didn't think he would be that weak.

"Number one. How long can you wiggle them?" Lucas asked and timed Clay as he wiggled his toes. When Clay grimaced and stopped Lucas looked at him, "Number two. How many times can you flex your ankle?" As Lucas took notes he watched as Brett counted and took his own, with a smile once Clay stopped flexing his ankle, "Lift it now." Lucas told him. When Clay couldn't even do it one time it was not surprising to him in the slightest but it took Clay at alarm.

"I...I can't."

"I know."

"What?"

"Your muscle was shredded. You have to rebuild it and teach your brain where you leg in again...that is what is going to take work."

"So what do I do?"

"I am going to hook you up to a machine that will send electrical stimulation into your muscles. As it is doing it you will hold this strap around your foot and pull your leg up." Brett watched as Clay pushed himself, refusing to acknowledge the pain and when an hour was up Lucas asked him if he wanted any pain medication and he refused. With a shrug Lucas draped an ice pack over his leg. "You did good today Spencer. Real good."

"Doesn't feel like it." Clay mumbled.

"Trust the process. You can do your first two exercises around the clock if you want to. No limit. What we just did though, with your quad...only when I am in here."

"Is there anything he can be doing for his core or his arms?" Brett asked.

"He can do sit ups or crunches all he wants, free to move from the hips up however he wants. Emma knows where to get the therabands if you want those for your arms just have her grab some. I want you to focus on your feet though, make sure the blood flow is as strong as possible to help with healing."

"Okay." Clay mumbled as he laid back in bed.

"Rest." Lucas said, turning off the light, "You did really good." He said before walking out of Clay's room.

* * *

"We still haven't heard back from Clay." Sonny told Lisa as they spoke on the phone for the first time in a month.

"I haven't either. Emma said that he was starting PT though so that is good...right?" Lisa asked him.

"Why the hell isn't he talking to any of us?" Sonny asked. It hurt, it scared him...and it pissed him off knowing there was not a damn thing he could do to help his best friend.

"I can see if I can make a trip down there this weekend." Lisa said, "I won't be able to stay long but I will at least be able to see him."

"If he will let you."

"I will have Emma put me on his visitor list." Lisa told him.

"Hey I uh...I gotta go...Blackburn is waving us down." Sonny said before quickly hanging up.

"Listen up all. Shaw wants you all to complete head to toe physicals. Apparently we do not meet his standards for what Tier One Operators should look like."

"That is bullshit and you know it Blackburn." Jason snapped.

"Shut up and do your job Master Chief." Eric snapped back. "You report in thirty minutes."

"What the hell is your problem?!" Jason yelled, getting into Eric's face.

"I just spoke with the doc and the PT report just came in and Spencer cannot lift his heel off the damn bed." Eric yelled back into his face, "So while you are here bitching and moaning he is back home doing everything he can to get his ass back here and he can't even lift his fucking foot up."

Jason froze in his tracks and sank down onto the pavement. "Boss you okay?" Sonny asked, having never seen Jason react that way to anything.

"They can fix him though can't they?" Jason asked, looking up at Eric.

"I don't know." Eric told him, "Doc-one Trent knows says yes...the other five who have seen him all say no." When he saw Bravo Team circle around, in attempt to shield their Master Chief and Commander from prying eyes Eric shook his head, "You guys are the biggest pains in my ass ever imaginable...and having him back home...I want to be there or getting even just as bad as you do." Eric said as his eyes filled with tears, "Now can you please just do what Shaw wants so he stops screaming down my neck? I want the same thing as you."

"Come on Jace. Let's go Buddy." Sonny said reaching his hand out for his Master Chief to take hold. When he finally did Sonny put his hand onto Jason's back, "We got you Buddy."

"Come on Brother." Ray said moving so he was on Jason's other side, "We can do this."

"You good?" Trent asked Eric before falling in line with the rest of his team. Eric nodded his head and watched as the five of them walked off before he allowed the tears to fall as he stood in the shade along the edge of the wall.

* * *

"How was your shower?" Emma asked Clay when she walked back in to find him barely back in bed only wearing shorts and with still wet hair and Clay just shrugged. "Translated means, good but frustrating that I need help to shower and get so exhausted doing basically nothing?" Emma smirked as she took the towel that was left on his pillow and ruffled his hair to dry it a little more.

"Another team of doctors came in earlier and had nothing to say other than how I need to prepare myself for the possibility of not making it back." Clay told her.

"And you are too stubborn to listen to them right...because six percent..." Emma smiled. "You are ahead of Doc's original timeline by over a month."

"Emma I can't stand up. I can't use the bathroom. I can't do anything without help." Clay wined.

"A week ago you couldn't sit up." Emma reminded him as she sat down on the bed next to him. "A week ago I couldn't sit like this." She smirked as she swung her legs up, laying down next to him, "Or do this."

"You know you are a real pain in the ass sometimes Hayes." Clay smiled.

"Learned from the best." Emma smiled. "What are we watching tonight?"

"They put Harry Potter on the on demand finally." Clay smiled.

"Did they now?" Emma smiled, she had seen it on there that morning but didn't want to wake him to watch it, it had taken him practically the whole night to get comfortable after finally agreed to pain medicine at three in the morning.

"Emma?" Clay asked after starting the movie.

"Yeah?" She answered, turning to look up at him where they were shoulder to shoulder.

"Can I be selfish?" He asked her and she gave him a small smile.

"Come here." She said moving and putting her arm out and giving him time to curl himself into her so that his head was laying on her chest. "You are getting stronger." Emma smiled when he pulled his knee up so his right leg was resting over her legs.

"It hurts...but they say that is good...something about the nerves sending the right messages." Clay mumbled.

"Is it okay if I touch it?" Emma asked, knowing that the PT and doctors would be screaming yes, but also knowing that Clay didn't like anyone to see or touch his leg as the skin scared over. When Clay shrugged instead of saying no Emma reached down and started to doodle lines and shapes into his skin, barely touching, knowing that pressure still hurt and within a few seconds she felt a dampness in her shirt and looked down to see Clay crying silently. "Does it hurt?" Emma asked him and he shook his head. "Touch?" Emma asked and when Clay nodded she leaned her head down so her lips were pressed against his forehead.

"It is selfish." Clay whispered, "I am selfish."

"I am here because there is literally nowhere else on the planet I would rather be right now." Emma told him, "Laying here watching my favorite movie with my best friend. If anything I am being selfish."

"I love you." Clay whispered as he hugged himself into her side.

"Love you too Spence." Emma said before planting a kiss on his forehead.

When the night nurse came in an hour or so later she walked over and draped a blanket over the two of them before she smiled at Emma, "Better day today?"

"Don't know what I would do without her." Clay mumbled and Emma could tell he was almost asleep despite the fact that it was only three in the afternoon.

"Make sure to bring dinner, even if he is asleep." Emma smiled, "Do you know if Lucas is coming back in today?"

"He will be here at 4. He said something about going down to the therapy room today." The nurse told them before walking out, seeing Clay tense up at the mention of stepping up what he was doing for therapy.

"Hey." Emma said, tipping Clay's chin up, "We've got this."

Nuzzling his head into her neck Emma felt him kiss her softly before he fell asleep, once he was asleep she lowered the bed so it was near flat and pulled gently on his leg to start massaging and stretching his hip, a stretch that she knew he hated but was surprised when he rolled so he was nearly on top of her as he flopped his left arm over the edge of the bed, his right arm stretched out across her chest now laying on his stomach. Every couple minutes she would pull his knee up a little higher to increase the stretch. "Mmmmmma..." Clay mumbled sleepily when the stretch was too much.

"Try and hold it here for a minute Baby, I know it is hard." Emma felt him nod into her neck and he wrapped his arm around her waist.

"Hurts." Clay said after two minutes and Emma moved her hand and let him stretch his leg back out. "Other one?" Clay asked her without opening his eyes.

"Think you can?" Emma asked, it would mean laying on his right leg.

"Try." Clay said as he scooted so he was fully on top of her before lifting his top half, giving her room to scoot to the other side of the bed as he straightened out his right leg, pulling his left leg up on her like she had been doing with the right.

"It if hurts you tell me and we will stop." Emma said as she ran her fingers up and down his back, she could feel the lack of muscle tone in his entire body and it worried her. He wasn't just going to have to build up his legs, he was going to have to build up everything.

"Trust you." Clay mumbled.

"We can do this with you laying on your back too you know." Emma said when Clay's breathing changed and she knew it was hurting his right leg.

"Can we?" Clay asked her.

"Yeah." Emma smiled, "Roll onto your back." As he moved she sat up at his left hip as he straightened out his right leg. "Ready?" Emma asked, he nodded. "Just keep your leg relaxed and tell me if anything hurts." She lifted his foot and put his heel into her shoulder before reaching her arm under his leg as she pushed his knee towards his chest, pulled it out straight and pushed it out to the side.

"Can you do that with my right leg?" Clay asked, eyes closed and hand resting on Emma's knee.

"She sure can." Lucas smiled as he walked in.

"I haven't done it with him before." Emma said, looking to Lucas nervously.

"You know what you are doing." He smiled, "Why don't you try? Spencer here trusts you."

As Emma moved around to the other side of the bed Lucas was fascinated at how much the man trusted her and he knew if he would have even tried to do half of the things that she was doing he would have stopped. "I want to try something a little different today." Lucas said after Emma was done.

"What?" Clay asked.

"I want to take you to the therapy room." Lucas told him.

"You ready?" Emma smiled at Clay and he smiled back with a nod.

"Shoes?" Clay asked.

"Yup." Lucas smiled, Clay had been trying to get his shoes on since he was first allowed to start PT.

"Need a shirt too Peter Pan." Emma smiled, tossing him a clean shirt as she dug out his shoes and socks.

Ten minutes later they were in the PT room and Clay's eyes lit up at all the equipment. "Where do you want to start?" Lucas smiled when he saw Clay's eyes stick on the weights.

"You tell me." Clay said with a smile to Emma.

"I want to try you on a special bike." Lucas said as he pushed Clay up to a strange looking bike with pedals for his feet and for his arms, "We are going to do this on your legs. Think your arms are fine." He smiled. "It uses electrical stimulation to teach your muscles to fire as the pedal makes the revolution."

Once Clay was all hooked up to the machine Emma smiled at him, "Go for it Love."

"I really just start pedaling?" Clay asked.

"Yup. The stim is turned down and I will adjust it based on which muscles need more."

"What is this thing called?" Clay asked once he was going at a set speed with the stim properly adjusted.

"An FES Bike." Emma smiled. "Pretty cool isn't it?"

"You sure you want to go to school for music? Seem to be nerding out over all of this." Clay teased and Emma hit him on the back of the head making Lucas laugh.

* * *

"Moving a hell of a lot slower than normal, fellas. That last training run should have been cake for you. Instead, you're dragging ass." Eric said, walking up to the guys.

"Why do you think we're dragging ass, huh? One of our best is out. News flash: he got blown up, Blackburn. You remember that?" Jason snapped.

"Instead of going after the bastards that got 'em, we're stuck here in the island of suck, better known as Guam." Sonny piped in.

"Irony is, they call this place the Island of Warriors." Ray said.

"Yeah, well, warriors go to war. This ain't it." Sonny yelled.

"Yeah, it ain't war." Jason mumbled.

"When Mandy comes up with a new target package, we will prosecute it." Jason said.

"Mandy's a good idea fairy what the hell does she know?" Sonny mumbled.

"Until then, we run the drill!" Eric yelled as Sonny and Ray walked back towards the base.

"Hey. Either of us worried about where Sonny's head's at?" Eric asked Jason.

"No. I'm not worried. He's angry. We're all angry. We're pissed. This guy, Shaw, what? Moves us to Guam, away from the fight? Doesn't make it any easier."

"Politically it was the right call." Eric told Jason.

"Nobody makes that call. Including you, you know that." Jason said, oozing frustration.

"Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter as long as we're in this AO, Shaw calls the shots. Period." Eric reminded Jason for what seemed like the millionth time.

"You hear from Clay? It's been a month, you know."

"Yeah. Nothing new. Reach out to him?"

"Yeah. We reached out. All of us have reached out to him. Radio silence. That makes me think the worst. That's what concerns me." Jason said getting into Eric's face before walking off.

"Jason wait." Eric called after him and he turned around. "Can you have Emma talk to him, see if she can get him to call?"

"You don't think I have tried that?" Jason asked, "She doesn't answer anything other than texts when she is with him and only what he tells her to say...which is basically nothing."

"Doc said that Brett Swann has been going up their daily. "Reason why he knows and the rest of us are kept in the dark?"

"Kid thought it would make her not come around so much."

* * *

"Morning, sunshine. How you feeling?" Swanny asked when he saw Clay waking up.

"Like I've been laying in bed for weeks with a blown-up leg." Clay mumbled, exhausted from the mornings early PT session.

"Nurse says P. T. seems like it's going well, left legs doing great." Brett said as he set down the magazine he had been thumbing through.

"She also mention I can't stand when I pee?"

"Would you rather have a catheter?"

"You know, you don't have to keep coming up here, check up on me like this. Time you spend coming up here is better spent looking for an EMT gig. You should get out there and do what you love."

"Stopped doing what I love when I got out."

"You know what I mean. Being cooped up here with me sucks."

"Team guys look out for each other." Brett said, throwing Clay's own words back to him, "Look, if a job materializes, I'll ghost you in a second. Till then, I'm here to help." When Clay turned his head to stare at the ceiling in frustration Brett reached over and grabbed the phone, "When I can't, I'll catch up on my Jocko podcasts. Oh, you got a lot of missed calls here, unread messages. You haven't responded to any of these. Jason. Jason. Sonny. Sonny. Sonny. Ray. Trent. Your boys are worried about you."

"I'll call 'em when I know I'm coming back." Clay said, his voice breaking.

"Well, you won't know for months." Brett reminded him.

"Maybe Ever. I'll call 'em then." Clay snapped.

"Maybe I will call them for you." Brett said.

"Go for it. Just get the hell out of my room when you do it." Clay said, closing his eyes.

"You have a fucking chance to go back...stop your fucking pity party. If I had a one percent chance of being back on the team there is not a damn thing in this world that would keep me from it...you realize how lucky you are?"

"I wouldn't call this lucky." Clay snapped.

"Are you kidding me?" Brett gasped, "Pretty girl in here with you basically around the clock. Don't need to be hooked up to anything anymore. Done with surgeries. Just working out?...which I might add is what you boys do basically all day everyday...so quit bitching."

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Clay asked.

"Can't get into a doctor I want to see...just...you are lucky is all. You still have a chance. Navy hasn't given up on you yet."

* * *

"I-I-I-I really wish that Clay was here right now. It doesn't feel right. You know, I'm gonna give him a call." Sonny said as the boys were playing around at the bar just off base.

"It's 5:00 am where he is, man, stop." Ray said, "Stop."

"Oh, you know his schedule? 'Cause I sure as hell don't. All you hear from Blackburn is that he's stable."

"Okay?"

"Well, stable stable how? I mean, that-that he's he can walk, that he talks? Convince the nurse to give him a sponge bath and wax his baby chest? I just don't understand how he just can't return a damn phone call."

"Sonny. His injury, his recovery. Let him handle it the way he needs to handle it. You got that?" Jason said, feeling the same as Sonny was.

"I got it."

Ray turned to Sonny, "I mean, you got to think about the conversation on his end, right? Yeah. Like, how would you feel if you were laid up in the hospital listening to stories that we're telling about kicking ass?"

"Ray, this ain't kicking ass, okay? This is sitting on our ass."

"Alls I'm saying is, just give Spenser some time. You can't understand the hell he's in, all right?" Ray told him.

"All I'm saying is I need to pee." Sonny said getting up and walking away from the table.

"He'll be fine." Ray said.

"Yep. Whatever you say there, Ray, 'cause you can't pull without..." Seeing Ray pull out his phone Jason shook his head, "Got to take another call?"

"Uh, yeah." Ray said, getting up and walking away, leaving Jason at the table with Brock and Trent.

As Jason, Brock and Trent joked around at the table after Jason's failed attempt at a pickup they watched as Sonny got into Mandy's space about putting together a package for them. As soon as they saw someone try and come to Mandy's rescue Brock ran towards the man as Trent went to hold Sonny back. Jason pulling Mandy out the front door. "When the hell did you get here?"

"Nice to see you too." Mandy snapped.

"Why are you here?" Jason asked.

"Working on something. That really all you care about?" Mandy asked, "Maybe I wanted to check in on you guys."

"Check in on us?"

"Yeah. See if you are even ready if I had a package for your sorry asses."

"You have something then?"

"Close." Mandy told him. "Clearly Sonny's head isn't on straight. Where is yours?"

"Our heads are fine."

"Really? What just happened in there...that is you being fine?"

"We are pissed and we still haven't heard back from Clay."

"Its been a month."

"Yeah. It's been a month and all we know is he is stable and they started pt."

"Emma hasn't been able to tell you anything?"

"What I told you. That is all we know."

"Walk with me." Mandy said, putting her arm around her friends back and leading him back to her room. "I want you to talk to me." Mandy told him as she opened her door.

"Talk to you about what."

"What do you think Jason?"

"My best friend is dead. My wife is dead. My old partner is dead because he took my place when I had to stay with the kids. I had to send Mikey off because I can't be there to take care of him. Emma is living at the hospital so she can keep an eye on Clay and there is not a damn thing I can do to FIX any of it."

"Anger. Guilt. Fear. Loneliness." Mandy said quietly as she sat down on the bed. "Have you slept since Clay was hurt?"

"I wasn't sleeping before that." Jason mumbled.

"You were. Nights you and Clay called Emma. You slept."

"How the hell do you know that?" Jason asked.

"Ever cross your mind that I actually care Jason?"

"How did you know that Clay stayed with me the nights we called her?"

"I didn't know that. Just knew you didn't look as tired on the days you two had news from home." Mandy told him, "Find it curious he stayed with you."

"What the hell does that mean?" Jason snapped.

"Means I didn't know you and Spencer were having slumber parties." Mandy teased, "Thought that was just our thing."

"Kid has gotten us through. You know that." Jason snapped, "He was homesick...both missed the kids."

"He miss the kids or he missed Emma?" Mandy asked.

"They aren't like that."

"Aren't like what?" Mandy asked, "Clay and Emma are constantly talking...turn to each other for everything."

"Emma has been staying at the hospital. She has gone home twice and gone to Spencer's apartment three times. All for less than an hour. The rest of her time since he flew back there she has been at the hospital."

"We are family." Jason shrugged, looking down at his hands.

"You see Clay as you...and Emma as Alana." Mandy said, "Not saying it to argue, I just know you well enough to know it is true." When Jason didn't look up she pulled him into her, "I've got you, you know that...right?" She asked and he collapsed into her as the tears shook from his body.

* * *

Lisa stood outside of Clay's room for over an hour before Emma walked up behind her and pushed her through the door, "Hey. Was gonna bring you a lobster roll from Rhode Island, but I figured this would travel better." She said nervously as Clay looked up at her. "Well, I like what you done with the place."

"What are you doing here?" Clay asked, surprised to see her.

"Heard you got tagged. Figured I should come check it out myself." She said, setting the seal and her purse down on his table.

"How's, uh, how's OCS? About halfway through, right?" Clay asked, wanting the conversation to be focused anywhere other than on him.

"Come on, you don't want to talk about cake-eater camp, do you?" She said, sitting on the foot of the bed, careful not to bump Clay's leg, "What's going on? What'd the doctor say?"

"Well, he said that I'll either heal enough to operate again or I won't. That's the end of the conversation." He told her and he could see the recognition on her face all the more reason not to call his boys back. "So about you. OCS. Bet you're really owning those other candidates, huh?"

"Hardly. Think they're taking out a pool to see when I'm gonna wash out." Lisa said, allowing herself to be vulnerable. She knew Clay would give it to her straight and that was exactly what she needed.

"That's not gonna happen." He said without even blinking and she felt the butterflies in her stomach.

"Well, you never know. I mean, I could fail a test. Get rolled back. D. O. R."

"You thinking about quitting?" Clay asked her, surprised. Lisa was one of the strongest people that he knew and it made him sick that she was thinking about throwing in the towel.

"Crossed my mind. I mean, every day is one reminder after another that most of what officers do is make decisions. All with consequences. Sometimes life or death, and it's a scary responsibility."

"Yeah, that's what makes it matter, why an officer is different."

"Yeah, but..."

"No, but nothing. You're really gonna sit there and tell me that you're thinking about walking away from your dream? Whatever your problem is, it's in your head."

Blunt. Straight to the point and as she fought the tears she picked up her bag. She knew that he was right, he also knew that Emma had warned her about his attitude. Taking a deep breath and turning to look at Clay one more time she whispered, "I'm sorry."

"Davis?" Clay called, stopping her in her tracks, "Navy can't afford to lose any of the good ones. Get yourself right." Clay watched as she walked out of the room and right into Emma's waiting arms as Lisa cried on her shoulder and when he was sure they weren't going to come back into his room he allowed his own tears to fall.

* * *

"Daddy?" Emma said into the phone.

"Everything okay?" Jason asked, seeing that she had been crying.

"The doc just told me that Clay gets to go home in a few days."

"That's great!" Jason smiled.

"Swanny is going to be taking him."

"You worried because you won't be there to help?" Jason asked, "You have barely left his side since he got there."

"No...I mean...yes but no...I am worried because he is still stuck thinking he won't make it back to the teams but he is like two months ahead on what the doctor originally thought for his recovery time."

"He is ahead of schedule so why are you worried?"

"His head...it just isn't in the right place...I mean...he still hasn't called any of you himself..."

"He will get there...just give him time."

"I am just worried is all." Emma told her Dad, "Also, Guam isn't a good look on you. Looks like you haven't slept in a month...you haven't shaved...rest of Bravo look as bad as you?"

"We are fine Emma."

"Yeah...probably just as fine as Clay is."

"Having a Brother get hurt is not easy and you know that."

"Clay is different and you all are too damn stubborn to see that."

"Yeah well, the most stubborn part of me is there in Virginia helping to remind him of that for me." Jason said with a small smile. "I have to go Kiddo. I love you."

"You are going to get them aren't you?" Emma asked her father.

"Mandy hais working on s a package for us." Jason said and Emma could hear in his voice he was excited.

"All of you stay safe." Emma said, "Can I tell Clay?"

"Once we get him."

"Okay. Love you."

* * *

"You got this." Swanny told Clay. "Welcome the pain."

"You've come a long way in four weeks, Clay." Lucas told Clay, trying not to laugh as Brett egged the man on.

"Only easy day was yesterday."

"How many more cheese-dick quotes are you gonna spew at me?"

"As many as it takes to stop you dragging your ass."

"I'm dragging my ass 'cause my leg got blown into spaghetti by some dirtbag."

"Aw, listen to this little pity party, Lucas."

"He's cute, right?"

"The body's a miracle machine. It's incredible what it can overcome, given the right treatment."

"Why the face? Describe the pain." Lucas said, seeing Clay grimace.

"Okay. Well, he's about five-ten, he's to my left, reddish hair, smells like foot powder."

"Well, you forgot handsome and a noble descendant of the Scots."

"Does he ever stop talking?"

"Looks like trying to get away from him is all the motivation you need." Lucas said as Clay reached the end of the parallel bars, "Okay, okay, okay. You can sit now."

"All right, hold on. Let me just Let me hit him in the face first."

"Oh, good luck shifting your weight between your legs, pal."

"Gonna kick me while I'm down?"

"Well, you didn't like the cheerleading. Taking a new approach."

"The longer you two guys bicker, the longer it takes me to inform Doc Roberts that you've reached your inpatient rehabilitation benchmark."

"Wait. Hold...You mean that?"

"You're going home, pal." Swanny smiled as he pushed the wheelchair behind his brother, "Your Majesty." Putting his hands on Clay's shoulders he smiled, "You're going home." As Brett pushed him back to his hospital room he saw Clay start to slump into the chair and knew he was overthinking every potential bad outcome. "Emma should be in here in ia few." He told him.

"What if I am not ready yet?" Clay finally asked as he stood up from the wheelchair to sit down on his bed with a yawn.

"One step at a time Brother. At least you will get to sleep in an actual bed at home."

"What if I need help?" Clay asked.

"I will be staying with you."

"You are going to help me if I need..."

"You can wipe your own ass now." Brett smirked.

"You are a dick."

"What did he do now?" Emma asked, walking into the room and sitting down onto the foot of the bed.

"Nothing." Clay mumbled, leaning back against the pillows.

"Stuck in your head again?" Emma asked, cocking an eyebrow at Brett.

"Blondie here got the okay from PT to go home." Brett said, gathering up the stack of magazines to bring home, "Doc said he has a couple more scans tomorrow on his leg and he should get to go home the day after tomorrow.

"That's a good thing." Emma smiled, putting her hand over Clay's and squeezing it.

"I am going to head out. I will be back when I can bring your ass home." Brett smiled, "Think you can talk some sense into him?"

"I'll see what I can do." Emma smiled as Brett walked out of the room.

"What the heck are you scared of?" Emma asked, kicking off her shoes and curling her feet up onto the bed.

"What if I need help?" Clay asked as he leaned back on the bed, struggling to pull his leg up onto the bed.

"You ask for it." Emma told him as she watched him finally get his leg up. She helped pull his shoes off and gently massaged his legs, something she had done nearly every day since he had started pt.

"What if I can't get back on Bravo?" Clay asked.

"You will."

"How can you be so sure?"

"You are months ahead of schedule. You weren't even supposed to be getting out of the ICU until now and you are going home in two days."

"But what if?"

"I ordered pizza for dinner." Emma told him when he finally relaxed into the bed.

"Emm?"

"Yeah?"

"I think I am more scared now than when I first started pt."

"That a problem?"

"I am not suppose to be scared."

"That is crap and you know it."

"They are going to forget about me before I can get back."

"Do you see how many missed calls you have from them?" Emma asked, picking up his phone, "Forty two...Pretty sure they aren't going to forget about you."

"There is still a lot that I can't do."

"Brett is staying with you."

"At night...what if I..."

"Dude...Brett is staying with you."

"But you have been here at night." Clay whined.

"Yeah? You haven't needed anything in a quite a while."

"Because it is safe with you." Clay said, opening his eyes and looking at where she still sat at the foot of the bed.

"You are being dumb. You are going to be fine."

"Can I call you if I need something?"

"You already know you can call me anytime." Emma said, "You need to find your confidence though Babe."

"Hate this."

"Pretty sure you aren't supposed to like getting blown up."

"I still can't stand for very long...or feel like half of my leg."

"It is going to take practice and the doc said the feeling may not come back all the way and you will have to learn how to live with it."

"You don't get it."

"Enlighten me then." Emma rolled her eyes.

"When is the pizza getting here?"

"When are you calling the guys?"

"I will call them when I know I can come back."

"I am going to tell them you are going home."

"Pretty sure the Doc already told Blackburn."

"Doesn't mean anything until you tell them yourself." Naima said walking in with a box of pizza.

"What kind of pizza is it?"

"Pepperoni and olive." Emma said, opening the box and taking a slice.

* * *

"My session today is with Jason Hayes. I don't understand why you're all here." The shrink said when Jason, Sonny and Ray walked into his office.

"Well, technically, Doc, you have sessions with my team all week, so I figured, why not just bring 'em all in on one day, knock it out?" Jason shrugged, he knew he would probably get an earful later but he didn't care.

"Mm-hmm." The doc shook his head.

"There you go. Boom."

"Or you figured that I don't know you could use your friends as cover to avoid any chance of substantive discussion?"

"Maybe?"

"Discussion?"

"What's he mean by that?"

"You're Navy SEALs. You're taught to never show pain, because, emotional or otherwise, pain is thought of as as weakness. You've experienced some personal and professional losses recently, Jason, not to mention a serious injury to one of your men in a bombing. That's a heavy load to carry."

"Look, Doc, you know, you get paid to talk about issues find 'em, pull 'em out, dissect 'em, whatever you do. I get paid to overcome 'em, so I'm not seeing a common ground here."

"Not all issues exist in the field, Jason. Some live inside of us." The doc told Jason.

Sonny quickly turned to Jason, "Oh, careful, Jace. This is where, uh, the voodoo starts, he tries to get in your head."

"Sonny's afraid of therapy."

"I ain't afraid of nothing."

"So, the man who started a bar fight doesn't feel he could benefit from some introspection?" The doc pushed.

"You say the word "bar fight" like like, it's a dirty word, like I did something wrong." Sonny snapped.

"Didn't you? What about you guys? How did the bar fight affect the two of you?" The doc asked Jason and Ray.

"Well, you know, it didn't impact Ray at all, because, he was taking a call, right? And maybe he could have settled Sonny down, but..." Jason snapped.

"I should have know. Jason relies on me to take care of everything, so..." Ray snapped back.

"Right, I see."

"Yeah."

"Hmm."

"Okay."

"What's that you see?" Jason asked.

"Oh, just, uh, as a group, you model archetypical familial dynamics. Authority figure, caretaker, goof-off."

"Oh, no, Ray's no goof-off." Jason said.

"I meant Sonny."

"What?" Sonny asked.

"Listen, you know what? I'm thinking that we got a lot out of this. If it's good with you, I think we'll take off, and, uh, you got everything you need." Jason said, irritated that they had already said too much.

"Well you still have 45 minutes. Awful long time to sit in silence, guys."

"What do you want us to say?" Jason asked. "Our brother died. My wife died. Adam died. Sonny died and came back. Clay got blown up." Jason mumbled.

"Brother?" Ray asked, surprised that Jason was talking.

"When Sonny drowned. That affected your entire team."

"It affected me." Sonny said, looking at Jason. "And the Kid."

"Should it not affect us?" Jason asked the Doc.

"You spend more time with each other than you do with your traditional families. You have had quite the year."

"Did you know that Clay basically moved into my apartment after we got back from the sub?" Sonny asked.

"I know." Jason said, "Emma dragged him home from the bar the first night he didn't stay with you."

"Emma?"

"He called her."

"Why won't he call us back?" Sonny asked.

"He has to handle his injury his way." Jason said with a sad smile.

"What if he can't come back?" Sonny asked.

"Kid is too stubborn not to." Ray said, "He will be back."

"Kid makes us a family." Jason said, looking at the doc. "Without him we don't know what to do."

"You lost your best friend. You lost your wife. You almost lost Sonny. And now you are afraid of losing Clay." The doctor reiterated.

"Won't lose the Kid." Jason said as he shook his head. "Whether or not he makes it back to Bravo..."

"Because of his connection to Emma?"

"They have a special connection." Jason smiled.

"So your daughter is dating one of your guys?"

"Dating? No." Sonny laughed.

"If they aren't dating what are they?"

"Best friends?" Ray asked Jason.

"More than that." Jason said. "Kid is family."

"Where do you see your future with Bravo?" The doc asked.

"Kid is going to replace me when I retire." Jason said.

"So you are thinking about retiring?" The doc asked.

"Not anytime soon. Kid still has a lot to learn."

"And you?" The doc asked Ray.

"Bravo is family. I'm not going anywhere."

"Sonny?"

"Don't look at me. I am going to die doing this." Sonny shrugged.

Once the guys started talking they didn't stop until the shrink stopped them and as they walked out into the hall Sonny laughed, "I'm pretty sure none of that is what Shaw had in mind.

"Well, I feel a little different. I feel a little lighter. How about you?" Jason smiled as they walked down the hallway.

"No. You?" Ray asked.

"That was the worst thing I ever done in my life, man." Sonny groaned.

"Seriously."

"All right, take a minute."

"Oh, hi. Well, Dr. Julia Logan. Therapist?"

"You're a patient."

"Prisoner. Here really not by choice. Ah Jason. Didn't get a chance to introduce myself to you since you took my money and ran off the other night."

"I didn't steal anything."

"Yeah, you did."

"No. A bet's a bet."

"Okay."

"Who knows? Maybe you'll have a chance to win it back."

"Therapist, man. You got to be kidding me." Jason rolled his eyes.

"You are ridiculous." Sonny said, "We are family Jace...we have to get back to that."

* * *

"So that's the dude responsible for the bombing in Manila?" Ray asked when Mandy finally had called them all in to go over her target package.

"NICA and the CIA has identified him as a top dog in the New Resistance Force. His name is Armand Pacada."

"That's a dead man walking right there." Sonny grumbled.

"It appears the bomb was built in an old molasses factory outside of Santa Rosa, Philippines. The factory's been closed for two years, but satellite photos show steady traffic in the building the last six months."

"NRF headquarters?" Jason asked.

"At least one of them, yeah."

"Mission is to hit the factory and bring back intel documents, hard drives, prisoners, anything you can get. If you can find him, then we wrap up Armand Pacada, too." Eric said.

"I cannot wait to make his acquaintance." Sonny mumbled.

"The attack in Manila was out of character for the NRF, so there's a bigger picture here that we're not seeing. I want Pacada brought in for interrogation, so no hole in his head." Mandy told the guys, she knew they wanted payback but she needed to know what was in her head.

"You know we can't guarantee that. The bad guys kind of have a say in the fight." Jason told her.

"Filipinos have authorized us to prosecute the operation. Commander Bayani will be your liaison on the ground." Eric told them, trying not to smile.

"What are you thinking, Ray? Factory's surrounded by brush and trees." Jason asked.

"Offset infil makes sense." Ray said.

"Mm-hmm." Jason agreed.

"Take indig vehicles to the set point, roll to the target on foot." Ray finished.

"Them Stalin-humpers ain't gonna know what hit 'em." Sonny smiled.

"Right. Remember, the objective is to gather intel and bring Pacada back from the Philippines alive." Eric rolled his eyes.

"Hey, Mandy, uh look, I was out of line the other night, and, well, um I just want to tell you that I'm-I'm sorry. You know, you get her done, as you always do, and, well, now it's our time to get payback for Clay." Sonny said hanging back after the rest of the team to talk to Mandy.

"Okay. Thank you for the apology." Mandy said, caught off guard at Sonny's apology.

"I'm in therapy." Sonny told her.

* * *

On the plane ride back from Bravo's mission in the Philippines to get Pacada Sonny thought he would be excited or feel relief but all he felt was anxiety. Ray had punched their prisoner in the face...Ray...their team was hurting. It was missing the heart of the team despite the fact that Clay was still alive and getting ready to get out of the hospital.

"What's up Man?" Brock asked as he sat down next to Sonny.

"Could use a drink." Sonny said, leaning back and closing his eyes.

"I miss him too." Brock said, "Wish he would call us back."

Pulling his hat down Sonny took a shaky breath. "He is my best friend and I haven't talked to him in a month...my best friend."

"You try calling him from the sat phone? Blackburn would probably let you for this."

"Won't do any good...he won't answer." Sonny mumbled, leaning forward and putting his head in his hands.

"He will come back to us." Brock said, "I know he will."

"God I hope you are right." Sonny said leaning back again and pulling his hat up, revealing the tears in his eyes.

"Try and get some rest Brother." Brock said, leaning his head against Sonny's shoulder and closing his eyes.

"Thanks Brother." Sonny said a few minutes later when he closed his eyes and leaned back, quickly falling asleep.

* * *

"Stairs...of all days why does the fucking elevator have to be down?" Clay grumbled as sweat gathered on his brow as he climbed the flight of stairs to his second floor apartment.

"Quit bitching, you are almost there." Brett pushed as they reached the top of the stairs.

"Pretty sure PT didn't sign off on stairs." Clay mumbled.

"You want me to take you back to the hospital?" Brett asked as he pulled out the key for the apartment.

"You can leave that shower chair in the hall, man. I have no intentions of using it."

"When you're older and wiser, you'll realize that standing in the shower is for chumps." Brett said as he unlocked the door. "Um You hang out here for a sec. I-I forgot you were coming home today. The place is a dump."

"I spent multiple deployments sharing a room with Sonny." Clay said, praying his legs didn't give out before he got into the apartment. "Look, nothing's gonna shock me."

"Yeah. Well, it'll take me 30 seconds, huh?" Brett practically begged.

"Swann, I really need to get off my feet, man." Clay said as he got shaky.

"Yeah, yeah, sure, sure. Here you go. Hey. Home sweet home, huh?" Brett said moving so Clay could walk in, embarrassed that Clay saw the sticky notes everywhere reminding him of how to function.

"What is this?" Clay asked walking in.

"Uh, it's just my little system to remember stuff now that I have no wives to nag me. Uh, I'm really sorry about the mess, huh?" Brett said as he ran around trying to collect his notes.

"You should, uh Maybe you should call Dr. Sullivan." Clay said, mentioning the doctor Brett had talked about seeing a few times in the last couple weeks.

Watching Clay try to take a few steps without the walker he quickly lost balance and Brett caught him, "Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, you push too hard, you'll make yourself worse."

"Come on, how can it get any worse than this, you know?"

"Well, it can, fast. Look, I know you want a full recovery. You got to find that zone between doing nothing and trying to trying to do everything at once. You got to just You got to pace yourself. Take it easy."

"You speaking from personal experience?" Clay asked as he sat down on the couch, Brett's pill bottles lined up across the coffee table, "These all yours?"

"See how many pills you're popping after you've done a dozen deployments. Consider me a cautionary tale." Brett told him as he shook his head.

"I thought you just had concussions and other minor stuff...what is really going on with you Brother?"

"Too much... too much Buddy...you don't need to worry about it."

"All of the sitting around and bullshitting we have done...why haven't you ever said anything?" Clay asked.

"Are you serious right now?" Brett asked. "You were stuck in your little pity party..."

"I got blown up." Clay mumbled as he leaned back on the couch and kicked up his leg.

"You think you are the first person who has been blown up Kid?" Brett asked, "You know what forced me out?"

"Too many concussions?"

"Among other things...yeah. My memory for one... impulsivity is apparently an issue with concussions... or at least that is what my wife said." Brett shrugged. "Anyway, you still have a chance to go back, why would I share my issues when you cant even see that?" Brett asked.

Looking at the man who had become his friend, now his caregiver and he shook his head, "I'm sorry." Clay said. "I didn't know."

"You didn't know because I didn't know you...and you should be resting your leg." Brett said, walking into the kitchen. "You need ice."

"Whatever you say Buddy." Clay said as he laid back on the couch. Brett bringing over a pain pill, water and an ice pack. "You rest, I will get the place cleaned up before Emma comes over."

"Emma is coming?"

"When she gets off work...yeah." Brett said, tossing Clay a blanket that he flipped out over himself as he closed his eyes.

Feeling a hand run its fingers through his hair he tried to wake up but the pain meds that Brett had given him were strong and his eyelids were so heavy, "Sleep Babe, I am going to get your room all set up for you. When you wake up you will shower and then get into your actual bed." He heard Emma say and he tried to nod his head.

"Gave him one of the pain pills...he had to do the stairs...they were working on the elevator when we got back here." Brett told Emma and she nodded before getting to work helping Brett clean up the apartment.

When Clay woke up he found Emma sitting down at his head reading a book, "Hey." He mumbled.

"Hey yourself, time for a shower." Emma smiled. "Everything is ready."

"Okay." Clay said slowly getting up and wincing as he put the weight on his right leg.

"You need help all you have to do is ask." Emma said, following him into the bedroom.

"Can I try to..."

"I will only help if you can't do it on your own." Emma told him.

"Really?" Clay asked her.

"Do you really think I want to help you shower?" Emma asked him, "I want you back to normal."

"Thank you." Clay said with a small smile as he walked into the bathroom, the last month had been humbling to say the least and needing to have someone help him with everything to him had been humiliating. He was thankful for Emma for being there to help but hated that he still needed it.

"Leave the door open so I can hear if you need help." Emma said laying down on his bed and pulling her book back out.

Fifteen minutes later Emma heard Clay calling her name and she walked into the bathroom where he was sitting on the shower chair, water running. "Whatcha need?"

"I can't...I uhhh..." Clay struggled.

"I didn't help with your showers in the hospital but that is what I do for my job... just tell me what you need." Emma said softly.

"I...I am scared to stand without holding on so..." Clay told her.

"Okay." Emma told him as she reached her arm out to take his loofah. She squirted the soap on it and gently rubbed it on his back, his chest, his arms and his legs. "You ready to stand?" Clay slowly stood up and Emma washed his backside. "Sit." She said and he sat. "You finish." Emma smiled as she moved out of the shower and let him finish. When the water turned off she tossed him a towel. "Dry off." When he was done she tossed him his deodorant, then his shirt.

When she handed him his underwear Clay looked at her funny, "I uh...I am not dry yet..."

"Dry your legs, put your feet through and pull them up to your knees...then stand and I can be here to hold you steady if you need while you finish drying off." Emma smiled at him as he blushed. "Not the first time I've seen you Babe..." Emma reminded him.

"Yeah but..."

"The doc's original schedule you weren't even suppose to be out of the ICU to a regular room until tomorrow. I know needing help sucks but holy shit Clay you are doing so freaking good...and really you don't need much help...mostly you need to build up your confidence again."

As Clay did what Emma had told him he was soon done and Emma moved his walker so it was in front of him, "Can I be selfish tonight?" He asked her as he walked out of the bathroom towards his bed that Emma had already pulled the blankets back on.

"You call the guys then I will."

"Emma I can't...I don't want them to see me like this."

"Dude. You are being crazy... call on your tablet...hold it up so they see your face. They don't need to see you walk or your legs or anything...they just need to know you are getting there. The last time they saw you they didn't know if you would survive." Emma reminded him. "Anyway, you lay down and rest your leg...I am going to run to the store and pick up some groceries. I will be back in an hour or so...your tablet is charged and on your side table."

* * *

"Hey. Feel better?" Jason asked Sonny as he passed him a beer on the plane after they had taken off to head back to Guam.

"Uh well, we got the guy that hurt Clay. Probably stopped some more bombings. So, yeah. I do feel better." Sonny told him before nodding to Ray and Jason nodded before taking a beer and going over to sit down next to his number two.

"You're quiet, Ray."

"Not much to say." Ray said without looking up.

"Hmm. Why don't you tell me a story. Tell me a story about what happened to Pacada's face." Jason pushed. It worried Sonny enough to talk to him about it and Jason knew he needed to say something even though he knew Ray wasn't ready to talk to him yet.

"He hurt Clay. I hurt him back." Ray said in as few words possible.

"And that's all that's going on with you?" Jason asked.

"That's all." Ray told him.

"I don't believe that." Jason said leaning back with a sigh.

"What do you want me to say Jace?" Ray asked him.

"I want you to talk to me."

"I can't."

"Then I want you to know that you can talk to me." Jason told him moving over so he was shoulder to shoulder. "You and me Ray...we've been through too much and it has always been you who has had my back no questions asked. You have to know I have yours."

"Yeah." Ray nodded, "Okay."

"I mean it Brother." Jason said, bumping his shoulder into Ray's only to have Ray lean his head against it with a small nod. "I got you." Jason told him as he felt the weight of Ray's head on his shoulder, "I've got you."

* * *

"What are you doing, man?" Brett asked, walking into Clay's bedroom after seeing him struggle to reach the Bravo Team flag that hung on his wall.

"Uh, I'm trying...my leg...this damn leg isn't letting me reach this high. Can you get this flag down for me?" Clay said, frustrated.

"Why the redecorating? I like it there."

"I'm not on Bravo anymore." Clay told him, "I don't I don't keep pictures of my ex-girlfriends laying around, either." CLay snapped.

"Look, when I left the Teams, it sucked. Some days I...I couldn't find a reason to get out of bed. Thinking of them out there, dropping the hammer it's tough."

"At least you got to leave on your own terms."

"Only one acting like you're leaving is you. The doctors haven't ruled out clearing you to operate. Navy hasn't discharged you. Teammates haven't given up on you. Hold on to Bravo as long as you can, 'cause when you're really out you'll realize the was everything you had. Flag stays put." Brett told him firmly.

"You don't get it." Clay mumbled as he sat down.

"I do...more than you know. The flag stays." Brett snapped at him before walking out. "Stop with your pity party. Emma will be back in a little bit."

Once Clay was alone in his room he sighed. They were right. The Navy hadn't given up on him, Emma hadn't given up on him...six percent...she kept telling him...over and over until it drove him crazy but she never stopped no matter how much he had yelled at her over the last couple weeks. She was out buying him groceries for fucks sake. She had faith in him and he needed to show her that he was going to be okay. He had to be okay.

* * *

As the team was spread out at the bar Jason felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and he pulled it out with a huge grin on his face as he saw Clay's photo pop up on the screen. "Hey, look who I got here." Jason yelled out as he walked over to where the rest of the guys stood.

"Who you got?" Sonny asked.

"Look who I got right here."

"Yeah! Hey, look at you, man. Good to see you." Jason smiled.

"Yeah, man. It's good to see you, too, man. Hey, I'm, uh look, I'm sorry I didn't didn't get back to y'all." Clay said, embarrassed for ghosting his brothers after seeing their smiles just to see his face on the stupid phone screen.

"Don't matter, man. All that matters is you're home right now."

"Yeah."

"All right?"

"Got my eye on my first outpatient rehab in the morning here. What's going on over there?"

"You know, not much. Mandy, uh, found the guys who did it, and we, uh we handled it."

"I bet y'all did. Wish I could've been there."

"You were here, man." Jason smiled, fighting the tears of joy in his eyes, hearing Clay's voice...seeing his face...it was exactly what he needed. "You're always here."

"Hi Boys." Emma smiled as she ran in and bounced onto the bed behind Clay.

"Hey Baby." Jason smiled.

"How is Pretty Boy actually doing?" Sonny asked.

"Well...he had to climb the stairs to get to his apartment because the elevator was down for maintenance and since his schedule says he shouldn't be out of the ICU until tomorrow I would say he is pretty damn good." Emma smiled, squeezing Clay's shoulders.

"We miss you Brother." Brock smiled from the back.

"I miss all of you too. Feels good to see you guys." Clay told them.

"This mean that you are done with the radio silence?" Sonny asked nervously.

"Yeah Buddy...shouldn't have done it to begin with..." Clay said as he turned around to look at Emma.

Kissing him on the cheek Emma smiled, "How long until you guys get to come home?"

"We are in Guam for another two months." Jason said. "Back to Gucci."

"When is Davis' graduation?" Clay asked.

"Little over a month." Sonny told him.

"I am going to try and go." Clay told them, "One of us should be there for her."

"Think she will really like that Brother." Ray smiled, "Heard she came to see you."

"I want to be cleared by the time you guys come back." Clay told them.

"You do it right Spencer...your spot will be waiting for you no matter how long it takes." Jason told him.

"Okay." Clay said with a yawn.

"Hey now Pretty Boy you work hard okay?" Sonny said, wanting to tell him that he loved him but not quite sure how to say it.

"Love you Brothers." Clay told them, hearing a chorus of love you's back he hung up the call and Emma was there to catch him as he cried into her shoulder.

"Only one doubting is you." Emma said as she held him into her, "I am glad you finally called them."

"You never doubted me." Clay said, pulling back after a few minutes. "I have been a total dick and you never gave up on me...I haven't had family like that before...not really...it just...I don't know what I would do without you."

"You should really call Caitlyn." Emma smiled. "I have been checking in with her everyday so don't think it is just Bravo looking in on you."

"But you didn't tell Ash?" Clay questioned.

"Figured you would tell people when you were ready." Emma shrugged, "Since Caitlyn lost Andy...I didn't want her to think the worst when you stopped answering her."

"Oh my God..." Clay said, pulling back, "I didn't even think of that...she probably hates me."

"Call her Dummy. She doesn't hate you." Emma smiled, "I am going to go make dinner."

As Emma busied herself in the kitchen she felt Brett's eyes on her but she didn't say anything, when he finally walked into the kitchen he sat down on one of the barstools, "You love him." He said.

"I do." Emma told him.

"But you aren't a couple." Brett questioned.

"We are not." Emma confirmed.

"You are Jason's daughter."

"That I am." Emma smirked.

"Are you doing this because Alana would have done it if she was still alive?"

"I am doing it because Clay is my family and he was there for me when my mom was killed." Emma said, stopping what she was doing to look up at the shell of the man who had once been on her fathers team.

"He was there?" Brett asked, surprised that Jason would have had the newest member of his team there in the worst moment of his life.

"Clay and Sonny were the ones who told me and Mikey...he took me to the hospital to meet my Dad." Emma told him. "Everyone from Bravo basically camped out at our place as long as they could...wanted to make sure we were okay."

"But you and Clay...he wouldn't have let him tell you if you weren't already close." Brett said, trying to think back on what would have happened to make Jason bring the kid around his kids.

"After the helo crash...Clay was the one who saved Dad... got under his skin I guess... he sees himself in him and basically adopted him." Emma shrugged. "By default we started to spend a lot of time together."

"That doesn't sound like that Jason I knew." Brett told her.

"After they lost Nate my dad changed...he was closed off before but when Nate was killed...he uh...he got lost...Clay was put on as his strap for a mission and Dad wouldn't stop complaining for weeks after they got back...Mom and Ray knew then that Dad was going to bring him onto Bravo when he finished on green team."

"And the helo crash cemented it." Brett said..."When was the helo crash?"

"While ago." Clay said walking out and sitting down on the couch, "Why are you talking about that?"

"Just wondering why Jason's daughter has spent the last month as your personal assistant if you two weren't a thing." Brett smirked.

"She's my best friend." Clay smiled as he kicked his leg up onto the couch.

"Jason used to say the same thing about Alana back in the day." Brett smirked, looking back and forth between the two of them.

* * *

By the time they had finished dinner and Emma had gotten Clay into bed, clothes set out for the morning, she was exhausted and when she crawled into his bed she laid down with her head on his chest. "Does it bug you when people assume we are a thing?"

"Does it bug you?" Clay asked her, as he ran his fingers through her hair.

"No...but it bugged Stella." Emma told him, looking up to see his reaction.

"Yeah well she didn't get it." Clay shrugged. "She didn't get me...or at least she couldn't handle who I am."

"A total pain in the ass." Emma smirked.

"You never question what is in my head...you just know...I just...I can't not have you in my life."

"So when you start to date someone..."

"I'm not going to be dating anyone."

"Clay you..."

"No. Emma I am not going to be dating anyone." Clay said, pulling her tighter into his side.

"Okay." Emma yawned, "Goodnight Clay."

"Goodnight Emm." Clay smiled as he kissed the top of her head. "Night Swanny." Clay said a little louder, knowing that the man was listening from the living room.

"Night Kid." Brett said back as he laid down on the couch shaking his head. He hadn't understood Jason and Alana's relationship but seeing basically the same thing right there in front of him, it made sense. Whether or not they ever became a couple Brett knew that the two of them would always be family and he would always go to her when his heart needed comforting.


	33. Chapter 33

Clay had thought the therapy he had been doing with Lucas in the hospital was hard but after his first day doing outpatient rehab it felt like he had been blown up all over again. He was sore all over, not just his legs but his entire body. He had a strict regimen for all over strengthening and not just for his legs. His muscles had atrophied being in bed for a month and he had a long road to make his way back.

Between PT sessions a team of commanders would come down to meet with him to discuss his readiness or evaluate different factions of his mental and physical health to get back in the field and were impressed by how quickly he was recovering but stressed that he would have to secure all physical requirements the Navy has to become authorized to work out with Bravo again and then get recertified in all Tier One requirements on top of that. They kept telling him that there was not a time limit for him, but had given him the dates for the next round of green team candidates and it was only a few months before they started their training. If he wasn't back before then his spot had the potential to go to someone else.

Waking up early in the morning to battlefield sounds coming from the living room Clay got up and walked out of his room, pausing when he saw Brett sitting in front of the television set crying as he watched the camera footage of when his best friend was blown up. Clay felt the tears sting at his own eyes as he slowly stepped forward, sitting down on the coffee table next to where Brett sat, head in his hands.

"I'm fine." Brett mumbled, trying to hide that he was crying.

"Yeah..uh, I know." Clay said quietly. "I uh...if you want to talk..."

"Said I'm fine." Brett snapped, getting up and walking quickly to the bathroom.

Clay took a deep breath and walked back into his bedroom, laying back down but not sleeping. He had three hours until Emma would be there to take him to his appointment. Five days in a row he came home from rehab to find Brett watching the same footage or going over stacks of medical paperwork but Brett would never talk to him about it, changed the subject as soon as he realized Clay was watching him and turned the focus right back on him. Asking how his day had been, if he needed anything.

It was nice to have Emma come by to pick him up most mornings, dropping him at PT but after his third night home she had gone back to her house and they had gone back to their phone conversations rather than in person. Most nights Clay was so exhausted even those conversations didn't last long before he started to fall asleep. Emma had taken it upon herself to start sorting through things at their house, getting everything ready for when her dad would list the house...she knew the day was coming, she just didn't know how soon it would be. What she did know is that he wouldn't be able to do the sorting himself. She had the house basically to herself with Mikey at camp during the weeks and only home every other weekend to visit. She often found herself sitting on the floor of her parents bedroom holding something in her hands as she cried.

Clay could always tell in the morning when it had been a particularly rough night but he never forced her to talk about it and instead would just lean in closer to her or try and do anything to get her to smile. He lived for the moments where her smile met her eyes and he could feel his own smile do the same. It was his bright light in the fog that was helping him to keep pushing through.

That particular morning Emma was quiet and Clay knew she had something on her mind and when they pulled up to the hospital he refused to get out of the car until she told him what was going on, "My summer recital is this afternoon. I don't even want to go but..."

"What? Why didn't you tell me? Just come get me when you are leaving and I will go with you." Clay told her, reaching out his hand to squeeze hers.

"No...you need to be here...I just...someone from the family has always been there and now..."

"Emma I want to be there." Clay told her.

"I know you do...but you can't." Emma said with tears in her eyes, "You need to be here. That's why I didn't tell you." Looking down at her hand in hers she turned her body to face him. "You have no idea how much I want you to be there but I need you to be you again and doing therapy...that is what is going to do that...and you need to be ready to be able to go to Lisa's graduation in a couple weeks and you can't miss anymore time...especially not to watch me sing a song you have heard me sing a million times."

As Clay looked at her he could see the determination in her eyes and knew there was no point in arguing so he tried something different. "Call me then...I want to hear the whole thing."

"Seriously?" Emma asked as she rolled her eyes. "You have heard all the songs before."

"If you don't promise to call me I will get a cab and go there in person." Clay said, letting go of her hand and crossing his arms.

"You are a child." Emma rolled her eyes with a smile.

"So you are going to call me?" He asked with a smile.

"Yeah." Emma said, opening the door of the truck.

"Promise?" Clay asked when he made his way around the other side, walking getting easier every day.

"Yes." Emma smiled.

"Say it." Clay told her.

"I promise to call you." She said as they walked in the door by the rehab room.

"Hey Emm?" Clay asked, knowing she had to run to get to work and wouldn't have time to make him talk about what he was about to say.

"Yeah?" She asked, turning around with a smile.

"Your voice saved me." Feeling his eyes well up with the admission before he quickly walked into the room leaving her standing alone in the hallway.

* * *

"Hey, Em, I was, uh hoping I'd, uh get you, but, uh...I wanted to just wish you good luck before your recital. And, um you know, with the whole tuition thing, I still don't really have any updates on that...But I'm working on it, and it's gonna get done. Do me a favor, will you, just give Mikey a hug for me. Tell him to keep his head up when he plays. All right, and, uh give your dad a call, will you?" Jason sighed as he hung up the phone, looking at a photo of him with his kids in their quarters.

Clay had just text him from rehab telling him that she had her recital that afternoon and after punching a wall for being mad at not knowing she was even still doing the choir thing after graduating, let alone that the recital was today.

"Long night of fun with the lady shrink?" Ray asked walking into the room finding Jason.

"About as long as, uh, your little breakfast you just had with, uh, your new friend what's her name?"

"Christine."

"Christine."

"Yeah, she got clipped in the Manilla bombing. Been checking on her, seeing if she's all right."

"She got clipped, huh?"

"Yeah, she got clipped."

"So, Ray, let me ask you something, what about Naima what does she think about a treatment for her?"

"She doesn't think anything, 'cause I haven't told her about it, 'cause there's nothing to say."

"If you say so, Ray. If you say so."

"Something you're trying to ask me, brother?"

"Yeah." Jason growled, but before Jason had a chance to continue both of their phones went off and the two walked out, trying to switch back to business mode.

* * *

"Anybody know what the hell's going on?" Sonny asked as the plane took off with all of them in it a couple hours later.

"Just better not be another readiness drill..."

"No doubt."

"I hate those. They're like dry strip clubs: pole's the same, stage is the same, but without the booze, it's like an eighth grade dance." Sonny rambled.

"Sorry, what kind of eighth grade dances they have in Texas, Sonny?" Jason asked.

"Good ones, man." Sonny smirked as Eric walked over to them.

"Gentlemen. Apologies for the hasty takeoff, but this mission is extremely time-sensitive." He said as Mandy walked up behind him.

"Ten hours ago, eight members of an Army Special Forces ODA were ambushed on the ground in Mali by fighters from the Islamic Fighters of Mali. IFM." Mandy told them.

AFRICOM is still sorting the facts, but everything that could go wrong did. They were hit hard, engaging in a running gunfight for a couple klicks before being ambushed by a second Islamic Fighters element here. The team retreated on foot, held enemy forces at bay until their QRF arrived." Eric explained.

"If they made it out, why are we going anywhere?" Ray asked.

"One of our soldiers didn't make it back." Mandy said. "In the chaos, Captain Aaron Washington was cut off from the team when they left their vehicles. Sat footage of the firefight places him on the edge of a ravine when he was RPG'd."

"We still in comms contact with Washington?" Sonny asked.

"Captain Washington was KIA." Eric said.

"Your job is to locate and secure the remains of Captain Washington before IFM finds him and turns this into a propaganda opportunity." Mandy told them.

"Captain Washington was a husband, a father. His family in Idaho deserves to bury him." Eric said, ending the explanation.

"Shit." Sonny said, as he sat down leaning back in his seat. "That could have been Adam..."

"We go in, we do our job. We bring Washington home." Jason said before walking off by himself on the other end of the plane.

"What's his problem?" Sonny asked.

"He blames himself for Adam." Mandy reminded him before walking over and sitting down next to Jason, not saying anything about his reaction, she just wanted him to know that she was there.

The boys watched as Mandy made herself comfortable next to Jason and in under a minute his shoulder was pressed against hers and his head was leaned back, tilted toward hers with his eyes were closed. "We do this. We do it right. We get home safe." Ray said, looking around at his team, no matter how pissed off him and Jason may get at each other they were brothers...closer than family, and he needed his best friend to be okay.

"His head isn't right and you know it." Sonny mumbled to Ray.

"How is your head Sonny? Ray asked back, "Because mine is back in Virginia too."

"Just doesn't feel right." Brock said.

"That is why we all need to just do our jobs and make sure we all get home safe." Ray told them before walking over and sitting down next to Mandy.

"He's out." Mandy mumbled as the plane shook and Jason's head slid down onto her shoulder.

"You think he is up for this?"

"I think he needs this just as bad as the rest of you. Stir crazy isn't a good look for Bravo." Mandy told him before flipping the script on him, "How is Christine?"

"She is fine." Ray said, not liking the judgement, but knowing that her heart was in the right place, "Nothing going on between us...just nice to have someone to talk to."

"Mmmm." Mandy said, knowing he was now throwing it back to the two of them.

"He came to you long before him and Alana separated." Ray said, not tip toeing around it. "Works for him."

"Is she on the same page I was?" Mandy asked him. "Jason and I have our roles. We know where we stand and where the line needs to be."

* * *

"What's going on there?" Clay asked, walking into the living room and finding Brett on the couch staring at a frozen image on the tv. "You know, the TV's a lot better when it's on." Clay said trying to break Brett from whatever he was focused on as he walked into the kitchen.

"Nice cane. Leg must be improving." Brett said, seeing Clay had switched from the walker to a cane.

"Don't worry, I'm still gonna need your help getting into the shower." Clay smirked, "Check out my new rehab program." He said, nodding towards the folder he dropped on the counter before he saw a pot on the stove smoking. "Swann, again with the stove? Dude, come on, how many times you gonna leave this thing on this month, man?" When Brett just shrugged Clay didn't push, he knew more was going on with his friend than he cared to admit...which was why he was still crashing on his couch when Clay hadn't needed him in a while. "My, um my therapist won't commit to me making it back to Bravo. You think it's 'cause they're getting ready to send me out to pasture?"

"All the time and money they're investing in this rehab plan? They're counting on you getting back in the sandbox." Brett said after flipping through the folder he had brought home after his shortened early morning PT session.

"You think so?"

"Don't roll out this VIP treatment for a mothballed frogman like me."

"What's wrong, you wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?"

"I wish. Too tired to sleep." Brett grumbled.

"You have an appointment at the VA this morning." Clay said looking at the sticky note on the fridge.

"No, VA's tomorrow, Thursday the 17th."

"No, today's Thursday."

"What? Damn it." Brett rushed around, throwing all his papers back into his binder as he jumped up. "Helped hunt down Saddam Hussein. Now I can't even keep the days of the week straight."

"Come on. Let's go, man. You bust your ass, you can still make it. Let's go." Clay said, grabbing his sweater and pushing Brett out the door, "I'm going with you."

"I don't need a babysitter, man." Brett said as they got into the truck.

"I thought BUD/S was supposed to wean out all the quitters. Come on." Clay rolled his eyes.

"YODO." Brett said, "Don't blame me for ruining your day, pal."

"Did you say "YODO"? What the hell is that?" Clay asked as he shook his head.

"So much to learn." Brett told him as he followed Clay out the door.

* * *

"What's the latest on the ground out there?" Jason asked Eric.

"Damn place is a kicked hornet's nest. SIGINT's hitting everywhere, and IFM fighters are swarming the area. If they find Captain Washington, we'll be watching what they do next on LiveLeak." Eric told him.

"We're not gonna let that happen." Ray said.

"All right. Two Special Forces ODAs. We're prepping to assault the IFM compound with partner forces. That should pull most of the enemy out of the field, buy us enough time to recover his body." Eric said.

"Alpha will support Bravo Team. MARSOC will act as a blocking force. You'll have an Air Force A-10 overhead for close air support."

"Three branches for one op?" Ray asked.

"All this is to ensure that Captain Washington's sacrifice was not in vain. Alive or dead, the United States of America does not leave a soldier behind." Eric told them

"We'll bring him back." Jason said.

"Damn straight. Let's do it." Sonny said ready for the mission.

* * *

"Could you have parked any further?" Clay asked Brett as they walked towards the building.

"You bitch this much at Normandy, Grandpa?" Brett was quick to snap back.

"Nice burn. How many of your little notes you have to write down to remember that one?"

"Ooh. Oh, that was hurtful."

"And hilarious."

"You little bastard."

"Looks like you got the million-dollar wound there, brother." A homeless looking vet said as the two walked up to the clinic.

"Yeah, something like that." Clay answered.

"Hey, could you spare any of those big dollars for a hungry vet?" The man asked.

"Not now, we're late." Brett said as he pushed Clay into the building.

"That was cold." Clay said, surprised at Brett's response.

"Pay one, you got to pay them all. And I know how much you make." Brett said before looking at Clay who was looking around at the clinic. "Little different from your Rain Man suite at the military hospital."

"Yeah, they definitely leave this out of those flashy recruiting videos."

"This is a soldier's reward for serving. A healthcare system that runs like the post office." Brett said before walking over to get himself checked in.

As Clay stuck close to Brett he commented, "I, uh noticed you've been watching some of your old combat ops."

"Yeah. I just like remembering. The times, fighting side-by-side with my brothers, loving life."

"I get it, especially now."

"What does that mean Pretty Boy. You are going to make it back, will just take time. You are just a baby. Same thing would have happened to Jason...he would have been done. Navy wouldn't have even tried to fix him."

"Doubt that man...Jason's a legend." Clay said.

"Lot of hero worship you have." Brett said with a small smile. "He's different with you than he has been the rest of the guys on his team over the years."

"So I have heard." Clay mumbled.

"Not a bad thing Kid. He is training you as his replacement."

"What makes you say that?" Clay asked, first time someone had said it out loud.

"You just watch...next green team guy Bravo takes on...will be Perry's replacement."

"Why do you say that?"

"It is how the teams work. Everyone knows it. No one talks about it." Brett shrugged. "Can't play in the sandbox forever."

* * *

As Bravo made their way to the ambush site they quickly understood how what had happened, happened. It didn't make it any easier. They were down a man and they all felt very exposed and raw. Having Eric and Mandy's voices in Jason's ear was all that kept him calm. His semblance of normalcy over the years.

For the rest of Bravo, as long as Jason was on point then they were on point. They knew their jobs and they could get things done as they needed to.

Ray kept his distance from Jason, trying not to hover no matter how much he actually wanted to, if something were to happen it would be better if they weren't killed at the same time. Divide and conquer, they had a job to do.

As they searched for the ambush site in the cover of darkness Bravo Team was hard pressed to get their job done and done fast before they were spotted themselves.

* * *

"War on terror will be over before my number gets called." Brett mumbled once they were finally in chairs in the waiting room.

"We can drop a warhead from space onto a postage stamp, and this place is still on a paper system." Clay agreed.

"Number 344." The woman on the overhead speaker called and an older man slowly made his way to the front.

"These old-timers bled on the sands of Iwo Jima to defend our right to be an inefficient nation."

"My dad, uh, he used to whine about this place all the time, but I had no idea it was this grim." Clay told Brett.

"Damn forms make my head hurt." Brett told him as he looked up from the questionnaire.

"Come on. Let me see." Clay said and Brett surrendered the clipboard, "You're almost done with this PTSD questionnaire."

"You can lose the "D. " Post-traumatic stress isn't a disorder."

"All right." Clay said, not disagreeing with him. "Do you have repeated, disturbing memories, thoughts, or images of a stressful military experience?" When Brett just looked down at his hands Clay gave a sad smile knowing the answer, "Gonna put a check." Going back to the paperwork Clay asked, "Do you feel upset when something reminds you of a stressful experience?"

"You can check all those boxes, too. I'm your Ghost of Christmas Future, Clay." Brett told him.

"You got enough meds there?" Clay asked as he looked at Brett's bag.

"This is the VA's health care philosophy: medicate and isolate." Brett said with a chuckle. "This is for anxiety. These are, uh, for nightmares. Uh, mood swings. Depression. These, I, uh I don't know what they're for. My cocktail of suck." Brett told him.

"All right. Last one." Clay said looking over at Brett, "Do you blame yourself for a stressful military experience?"

With a grunt Brett stood up, "All those pills and all that water I got to hit the head." He said walking away as Clay checked the last box before pulling out his phone and texting Emma.

* * *

When Bravo Team found Washington's helmet they knew they were close. Jason quickly barked the orders for a plan and the team was quick to execute. Bravo and Alpha teams did their jobs. They were going to find their man...they were all scared as to the condition of his body even though none of them would admit it.

"Saw Jason slept some on the flight." Eric said as he stood near the wall with Mandy as they watched on ISR.

"He did." Mandy confirmed, waiting for a question.

"He talk to you before he fell asleep?"

"Didn't need to. Whole team is thinking about Adam and the kid on this one." Mandy told Eric.

"Feels like we lost Bravo when Jason lost Alana."

"That when you started to get the eyes on you?" Mandy asked, "I think it was after they lost Nate."

"That long ago?" Eric asked.

"When he started doing that thing with his hand." Mandy said imitating what she had noticed him doing whenever he got anxious.

"You noticed that too?" Eric said.

"He didn't do it until they lost Nate." Mandy said before stepping forward and pointing something out on ISR.

* * *

"You kick ass over there?" A man in a Vietnam Vet hat asked Clay as he sat there looking at Brett's folder waiting for Brett to return.

"Uh, yeah, you know, tried my best."

"Where'd your ticket get punched?"

"Philippines."

"Little young to have been in the Battle of Guadalcanal, eh?"

With a chuckle Clay asked, "What about you?"

"Que Son. September 4, 1967."

"What are you doing with yourself these days?"

"Same as everyone in here. Just waiting to die." The man told Clay as they looked up to a commotion in the entryway.

"Hey. Hey, hey, hey. Hey." The Guard tried to stop whatever Brett was trying to do.

"Hey, please." Brett begged.

"Just calm down."

"Please, let, let go of me, all right?"

"Calm down."

"Hey. Look, you have to search everybody in here, all right?"

"Calm, Calm down."

"Search everybody!" Brett yelled, "No, somebody took my binder!"

"Hey, hey! Swanny! Hey, Swanny. Swanny!" Clay said as he tried to make his way over to his friend.

"I had it two minutes ago!" Brett yelled again to the guard.

"Swanny, I have your binder right here, man. I got your binder." Clay said, holding it up.

"I'm s...I'm sorry. I, uh..." Brett apologized to the guard as he walked over to sit down.

"Don't mention it." The guard said with a shrug.

"I must I must have got confused. I thought I had..." Brett said.

"Come on. Here you go, brother. You good?"

"Mm-hmm." As they both took a deep breath Brett looked to Clay, "Guy's lucky I didn't drop the hammer on him, putting his hands on me like that."

"Yeah, you played that real cool." Clay smirked.

With a small laugh Brett turned to Clay, "You are some wiseass, you know that?"

"Number 398." The woman on the speaker said.

"Shrink time." Brett shrugged.

"All right. Have fun." Clay smiled.

"Hey, uh Dr. Jelly Finger I can handle solo, but these touchy these touchy-feely folks, you know, uh... You know?" Brett mumbled to Clay.

"I thought you'd never ask." Clay said, slowly standing up.

"I'm glad you're here, man." Brett told him.

As the doctor came into the room they quickly looked over Brett's file before rambling off questions, "Are you still dealing with lapses of memory?"

"Yes."

Clay watched as Brett was asked the questions in the form he had just filled out for him and grew increasingly frustrated with the obvious rush and lack of anything personal with his friends supposed care. "Intrusive thoughts? Ever consider harming yourself?" The psychiatrist asked Brett and Clay just shook his head as he saw Brett fidgeting with his hands, none of this was helpful.

"I already answered these questions in the forms." Brett told her.

"My workload doesn't offer me as much time as I'd like to review your paperwork." The doctor said with a frown.

"Swanny, she's just trying to help." Clay told Brett, frustrated for a lack of any better option.

"Do you ever consider harming yourself?"

"I have good days and bad." Brett said without fully answering the question.

"Is there a specific incident that troubles you?" The doctor asked, when Brett sat frozen she asked again, "Is there a specific incident...

"Nicky. My teammate, my best friend." Brett nodded, looking down at his hands and Clay knew that he was referring to the video he had been watching on repeat.

"What happened with Nicky?"

"Maiwand, Afghanistan. March 12, 2013."

"Can you elaborate?"

"I made the wrong call. Nick got killed. Should've been me first out that door."

"Maybe we should move on." Clay said, seeing the change in Brett as he talked about Nicky and knowing that the lady was not going to do anything to actually help him.

"Three arrests one for possession, two for assault and two stays in psychiatric wards since leaving the Navy. Are there any other recent incidents to report?" The psych doctor pointed out, something that Clay hadn't known and was certain that Jason didn't know either.

"Drunk and disorderly last month." Brett told her.

"Were you on your meds at the time? And during the other incidents?"

"No, ma'am. Meds rob life of its shine."

"You know, Brett's really been sticking to his regimen recently. We're trying to see if we can't get an EMT gig lined up, get things on track." Clay told the doctor.

"It's gonna be hard for you to find employment with your record, Mr. Swann."

"Knife's already in. Don't need to twist it."

"You're rated to have total occupational and social impairment. That's the highest level on our mental disorder scale."

"I don't have a mental disorder."

"Swann. I know this is hard for you to hear, but your psychological issues are worsening." The psychiatrist told him, having ignored everything that he was telling her. Clay had to bite his own cheek to keep from saying anything, how in the hell did she know he was worsening when she hadn't even had a conversation with the man?

"My issues are not psychological. They're physiological. Shoving more pills down my throat isn't gonna help me. I was injured. I am injured."

"I'm gonna recommend we up your dosage of paroxetine." The doctor said interrupting Brett's rant.

"Medicate and isolate." Clay mumbled, feeling the pain in the pit of his own stomach as the doc walked out, leaving the two alone in her office.

"Back to the waiting room." Brett mumbled as he got up, "YODO, YODO, YODO."

"You ever gonna tell me what that means Brother?" Clay asked him as he followed him out.

"You will learn soon enough." Brett told him.

* * *

As Bravo retrieved Washington's body chaos was erupting all around them. Their thoughts from home went out the window as one hundred percent of their focus went on not getting killed. They knew that the switch was going to come at some point but everything changed and the team started to work as a machine rather than that of a family. "I knew they would get back to it." Eric told Mandy as they listened to the chaos on comms as they watched from ISR.

"Not sure that is a positive thing." Mandy told him with a shrug.

"For the guys breathing down my back it is a good thing." Eric said. "But off the record...I am with you."

* * *

"Why didn't you tell me how serious your issues are?" Clay asked as they walked back to the waiting room.

"Well, the way the system works, the more problems you have, the better your benefits are, so, I embellish to get my fair share. I'm fine."

"You embellish those arrests and the psych ward visits, too?" Clay asked, not buying his explanation before snapping at him, "You stop taking your meds again, I'm gonna kick your ass."

"Not with that leg, you won't." Brett smirked, "Look, a couple of drinks and no meds I feel like myself again. One of the baddest men on the planet. I miss that. You do, too." Brett said, looking at Clay's leg.

"Feeling dangerous." Clay mumbled, knowing what he was talking about.

"Yeah, the problem is, I am dangerous to my wife, my friends, myself. So why not..."

"I know you didn't come here just to up your anxiety medication. What's going on, man?"

"I thought I had a horseshoe up my ass to walk away from the teams with all my my bits and pieces intact. I've come to realize that I did get dinged. I just didn't know it at the time. Unlike you, nobody knows I'm wounded since my injury's not visible."

"Traumatic brain injury?" Clay said, "Are you sure? The therapist didn't say anything about it."

"Cause it hasn't been diagnosed yet. But I know it's there. I can't say how, exactly, but I got I got rocked by a couple of IED blasts, including the one that killed Nicky."

"Why'd you hide this from me?"

"I was embarrassed, I guess." Brett shrugged, "Plus, I didn't want to scare you...How many times you had your bell rung, huh? I wouldn't change my time in the teams for anything. Even knowing this." As he sat down he continued, "War is bad for the brain, man. Emotional trauma. There's, like, a fire in my head. Having a TBI is like throwing rocket fuel onto it. Kaboom. It's a destructive combination."

"It's a lot to carry around on your own."

"Says the guy who shut himself off from the world when he got blown up." Brett said looking up at Clay, "Became SEALs 'cause we didn't know how to ring the bell, right?

"Only thing a frogman doesn't know how to do is ask for help." Clay said with a frustrated chuckle knowing that Brett was right...and knowing that things needed to change.

"All the time I spent downrange the enemy never scared me. But the enemy's in my head now. And I'm terrified, Clay."

"Dammit Brother...why didn't you ever say anything?" Clay asked, wanting to pull the man into a hug but knowing full well that Brett would never let him as he sat down next to the man, wishing Jason were there to help him...Jason always knew what to do.

"I barely knew you and you let me move into your place...then you got blown up...when would have been a good time to bring it up?" Brett asked with a shake of his head.

"I don't know Man...it's just fucked up...does anyone know?" Clay asked.

"My sister has an idea." Brett said pulling out his phone and looking at the screen for any missed messages.

"Anyone from your team?"

"Only a handful still alive." Brett shrugged. "One thing with being on the teams...we don't have is longevity."

"You want something for lunch?" Clay asked him. "Let's go down to the cafeteria and grab a bite."

* * *

By four Brett was getting antsy and it was making Clay anxious. "It's getting late. Whole day's a waste if I don't see the doctor."

"You're gonna get in. Don't worry." Clay said, before turning back to Brett's book, "So, what's the play? I know you're not showing up without a plan of action."

"Three-pronged attack. Get Dr. Wilson to diagnose the TBI, plot a course of treatment, then pray like hell something works and my brain gets unscrambled."

"I noticed you have some treatment ideas in that binder."

"Always a SEAL. Even with a busted brain, I still feel like I know better than everyone else."

"398 to the window." A man's voice called out.

"All right, I'm coming with you." Clay said, standing up and walking with Brett to the window.

"Where was this earlier? Could've saved me the humiliation of having to ask you." Brett said with a nervous smile.

"Dr. Wilson's running behind. We have to reschedule." The man behind the desk said as soon as Brett reached him.

"Well, I've-I've been waiting all day."

"How's July 29th?"

"That's two months from now." Clay said panicking. If Brett didn't get in today he knew the man would go off the deep end.

"Please. It's imperative that I see Dr. Wilson today."

"Listen, Brett's a hero, and he, he needs your help, okay? You can't just you can't just turn your back on him, man." Clay said, hoping that the man had a heart though after spending a day in the place he doubted it...the clinic felt like it was sucking his own soul out, he couldn't imagine working there.

"Do you want the 29th or not?" The man asked Brett.

Looking around Clay leaned into the man behind the counter, "Look, uh, Derek, listen, my buddy Brett he's he's a little embarrassed to say, but he is He just come back from the Amazon, and he's got a really gnarly rash." Clay said.

"What are you doing?" Brett asked.

"Rash?"

"Yeah. Right, Brett?"

"Yeah, yeah. I, I can't lie to you, sir. It's, uh it's, it's pretty gross." Brett said, catching on what Clay was doing.

"Show him the rash." Clay instructed Brett.

"You want to see it? Goes all the way up here, and..."

"Look, I think that Dr. Wilson really should take a look at this thing." Clay said.

"I'll make sure you get in." The man told Brett as Clay and Brett went back to the waiting area waiting to be called back and trying to hide their smirks.

* * *

"Pretty slick, playing the Zika card." The doctor said when Brett was finally called into the office a little after six.

"Yeah, well, team guys don't really handle "no" very well." Clay smirked.

"Compression issues with the C1 and C4 causing you much pain?" The doctor asked as he looked at Brett's X-Rays.

"Yeah, my neck's manageable, but I, uh I came here to talk about my real issue: TBI."

"I didn't see any record of traumatic brain injury." The doctor said as he looked at Brett's file on the computer.

"Well, that's because it hasn't been diagnosed yet." Clay said.

"My psychological issues are consistent with TBI. I have the, uh, physical manifestations: headaches, dizziness, ringing in my ears, insomnia, shaking hands." Brett finished.

"Uh, how do you know this was combat related?" The doctor asked.

"Brett ran thousands of spec ops. You know, tip of the spear gets exposed." Clay said.

"My bet is I suffered blast-induced neurotrauma." Brett told the doctor.

"Hmm."

"What do you think?"

"Well, I'd have to run a battery of tests before diagnosing, but your mental health issues and cognitive impairments, physical ailments and record of heavy combat certainly support the claim." The doctor told him and Clay saw an instant change in Brett's demeanor but as Brett only saw someone that was finally listening Clay knew there was a but coming and he held his breath.

"I could kiss you, Doc. Anyone ever thank you for telling them that their brain is screwed?"

"Now, slow down, Brett." The doctor tried to tell him, the part of his job he hated...there was only so much range he had working for the VA and despite how much he agreed or how much he cared about something or someone he had to stay within their prescribed lines.

"I know you have a process to follow, and I'll pass those tests with flying colors. And I-I'm willing to commit to an aggressive treatment program. Hyperbaric oxygen therapy, photobiomodulation, uh, nutraceutical supplementation, and, uh..." Brett rambled as he looked at the doctor, "I'm sorry. I just, uh It's-it's been a while since I got a break like this." Brett rambled.

"Which, uh, which treatment would you recommend?" Clay asked.

"I can't recommend any of them." The doctor told them.

"Well, fine. Whatever...whatever plan you prescribe."

"Mm. No, that's not it, Brett." The doctor said as he continued to give Brett his physical exam, "Give me a deep breath. The problem is that there's no record of your TBI."

"Yeah, well, which is which is why I'm here. To get it diagnosed and treated."

"If your wound wasn't documented while you were serving I can't treat it."

"What do you mean, documented? Why would it be documented?" Brett yelled.

"Easy, Brett." Clay said, trying to calm his friend.

"The whole point, the whole damn point is it's not a visible injury. How could I have known to report it when I didn't even understand it?" Brett said getting even louder.

Clay's anxiety grew right along with Brett's but he knew one of them had to keep a level head, "Swann, this isn't helping, man."

"So when my best friend gets vaporized by an IED, I...I should be more concerned about about reporting my headache than-than trying to save his life? Is that what you're telling me?!"

"Look, Brett dedicated his life to serving our country. You're gonna hang him out to dry over some clerical issue?" Clay asked.

"Well, it's I empathize with you, but I'm not doing anything. It's not about me. It's about the system."

"Get me an MRI. Please. Document the injury first. Then I can find someone willing to help me." Brett begged.

"I can't authori... I don't have the authority to authorize an MRI, which costs thousands of dollars. I'm sorry."

"Why you doing this to me?"

"Again, I'm not doing anything to you, Brett. I'm doing the best I can, but my hands are tied. The only course of action is to continue to treat your symptoms."

"Symptoms. Treat the symptom. Not the problem. And for me, nothing changes. More pills." Brett said, completely defeated.

* * *

As they were standing in the line at the pharmacy Brett looked like a caged animal and no matter what Clay said it was like the man did not hear him. "Hey, let's just go, huh? I can't spend another second in this place. I'm gonna wait in the truck." Brett rambled to Clay who was determined to get the medication to help the symptoms...to do anything to help his brother.

"Swann, we got,we got to get your prescription, dude. Come on. Look, I know today didn't go as planned. But you remember what you told me? It's time to buckle down for the fight, 'cause it's gonna be a fight...Right?"

"When'd I say that?" Brett asked, "You know, maybe Nicky was the lucky one. Best of us never make it back, right?"

"Come on, man, you can't think like that."

"You know, when I got out, I was determined to live a life full of purpose and meaning. I figured that'd be the best way to honor those who didn't come home. But now all I want is to is to sleep through the night without nightmares, wake up feeling normal again. I don't think that's too much to ask, right?"

"Look, all the battles you fought, dude? Come on, you're gonna have this licked in no time."

"My battles are over, man." Brett said looking down as he turned to walk back towards the parking lot.

Seeing the change in Brett he changed tactics, "Hey, Swann. Come on...Look, let's just let's just go. Let's go hit the bar. Let's go get some beers, and let's forget about today, all right?"

"Yeah. Sure. You know, you and me we would've made good teammates." Brett said with a sad smile, "YODO."

"Are you gonna tell me what that means now?" Clay asked as Brett took off towards the door.

"I'll tell you over those beers." Brett said, knowing he had once chance to do what was on his mind and he had to beat Clay to the truck.

Once Clay had Brett's meds a couple minutes later he walked out, following the same path that Swann had taken only a couple minutes before. When he saw the same Vet sitting on the curb that he had passed that morning he pulled out his wallet and handed the man some cash. "Thank you, man. Thank you. It's been my lucky day." The vet smiled at Clay, "Your boy over there just emptied out his whole wallet for me."

At that Clay's heart sank and he rushed as fast as he could, praying, wishing he was wrong, wishing he could run, going as fast as he could to the truck...in his heart knowing that things were not all right. "Swann. Hey, Swanny!" Clay yelled as he swung the door to the truck open, Brett's body falling against him and knocking him to the ground, Brett's body on top of his, gun and phone falling to the ground. "Swanny!" Clay cried as he held the man's body.

The first one to reach the commotion was the Vet they had given money to and when he saw Brett's body on top of Clay's he ran back towards the building yelling for someone to call an ambulance, but in his heart knowing it was too late for the older man. The second person to reach Clay and Brett was that same guard who had tried to stop Brett earlier that same day. As he pulled Brett's body off Clay he saw the blood, where the bullet had gone in and knew there was nothing that could be done. "You can cancel the ambo." He said into his radio and that only made Clay cry even harder as he scrambled to sit up next to Brett's body. How could the man who had pushed him through his darkest days be dead?

"Sir...are you... are you hurt?" The guard asked Clay, seeing the cane that had been long forgotten on the ground.

"No I...Swanny..." Clay said, trying to focus his breathing, "Not my blood." Clay said as he stared at Brett's lifeless body trying to focus on his breathing but when he tried to focus on his breathing he forgot how to breathe.

"Okay." The guard said as police pulled up, quickly rushing over and throwing a sheet over Brett's body.

A police officer helped Clay up and brought him over to his car, allowing him to sit in the front, "Is there someone I can call for you?" The officer asked him.

"Emma...I...I...call Emma." Clay said as he pulled out his phone, hands shaking too hard to find her number.

"May I?" The officer asked and Clay handed him the phone and watched as he hit call. Hearing the officer talk to Emma he felt the tears stream down his face.

* * *

"What do you mean Brett is dead?" Emma asked the officer who had called her from Clay's phone as she ran across her hospital to grab her keys and jacket, her supervisor hearing what she said and shooing her out the door. "Where is Clay?" She asked as she ran out of the building. As the officer told her she felt a tear slip from her eyes, "Tell him I am coming." Emma said before hanging up.

As she got in her car she called Naima, "Emma?" She answered and Emma felt relief just hearing her voice.

"Brett Swann shot himself in the heart in the parking lot of the VA Clinic. I am headed there but I didn't know if you were closer."

"Swann?" Naima asked, taking a second to realize who she was talking about.

"Clay was with him all day today...he...the officer called me because Clay couldn't..."

"I am only a few blocks away...just heard all the sirens." Naima told her.

"I am on my way. Make sure he is okay." Emma said before hanging up and turning her focus to the road.

* * *

The next thing Clay knew Naima was standing in front of him, asking him what happened, the same officer standing there with a pad of paper and a pen to take notes but Clay couldn't say anything, anytime he tried he began to hyperventilate. She quickly saw that the line of questioning was useless and quickly had the officer give them space. "She is on her way. Emma is on her way." Naima said placing his hand on Clay's shoulder, hating that the man flinched at her touch. Hearing commotion a few minutes later followed by Emma's voice screaming at the officer who was trying to hold her back she walked over and yelled, "Let her through!"

As she ran towards Clay, Naima saw genuine fear in her eyes. When she reached the young SEAL she lifted his head and physically checked him head to toe for any potential injuries before softening and he quickly leaned into her and she moved so that she was awkwardly sitting on his left knee as his right leg stuck out in front of him as he held her so tight it hurt. When Emma looked up a few minutes later she saw her and the officer standing behind her. "What happened?" Emma urged, not letting go of him as he turned his head on his shoulder knowing that they needed his statement. "I got you." Emma said, as she stroked the hair on the back of his neck.

"Brett he...he uh...today...this morning..." Clay struggled to speak.

"Brett forgot his appointment this morning, and when you saw his reminder you came with him since you had the day off from rehab." Emma said. "He met with a psychologist this morning and the appointment didn't go so well."

"The doctor she uh...she just increased his meds...but he said...he said he had good days and bad...when she...when she asked if he had thoughts of harming himself." Clay told Emma as the officer took notes.

"After that appointment he had another one...one with a medical doctor." Emma said, trying to piece together what had happened in the last ninety minutes since he had told her they were going in to talk with the doctor.

"Swann...Swanny was trying to get him...trying to get him to say he had a TBI...that his stuff was from a TBI from the blast that killed Nicky...but...it wasn't documented so he...he...the doctor couldn't do anything." Clay said, holding tight to Emma and breathing in and out when she did her over exaggerated breathing.

"Then you were waiting in the pharmacy for the medicine, what happened there?" The officer asked.

When Clay didn't respond Emma hugged him tighter seeing the pharmacy bag still clenched in his hand, "You got his medicine for him from the pharmacy." Emma urged him to answer the officer.

"He uh...he didn't want to stay in there...said he would wait in the truck...told me he would tell me what YODO meant over beers tonight..." Clay said looking up at Emma, his eyes begging for forgiveness.

"YODO?" Emma asked.

"You only...you only die once." Clay told her.

"Oh God." Emma mumbled, looking up at Naima. "You didn't know." She said, looking back to Clay and putting her hands on his cheeks. "You didn't know...you were here with him, trying to help him...you cannot blame yourself."

"Can we get him home?" Naima quickly asked the officer.

"How long was he out here before you came out?" The officer asked.

"Clay?" Naima asked gently.

"He started walking out and I uh...I grabbed his meds and then went out...but my leg...I..."

"Clay did you see the flash?" Emma asked him, knowing that was really what the officer was asking.

"No...no I uh...when I got to the truck I didn't see him sitting and when I opened the door he fell...he was gone." Clay said lifting his head. "His sister...I need to call her."

"His family is being notified." Naima said with a nod as she looked up from her phone.

"I should have...I should have seen it...he has been watching...all week...the video from when Nicky was killed...I knew something was wrong but I..."

"You went with him to his appointments today, stayed with him...Spencer you did what you could." Naima said. "You made it so he wasn't alone."

"He told me...this morning...when he said YODO the first time...he said don't blame me when I ruin your day...he...the doctor...if the doctor would have ordered the MRI he would still be alive...that was his last hope." Clay said as he started to shake.

Knowing how Clay had reacted to coming down from adrenaline in the past wanted to get him home before that happened, "Can you walk?" Emma asked Clay as the officer handed him the cane. When Clay nodded he looked up at Emma but she already knew what he was going to say, "We are going to my house. I am parked right there." She said pointing to her car.

"I...I'm sorry." Clay said, looking to Naima and the officer. "I'm sorry."

"Not your fault." The officer said as Clay shakily stood up leaning heavily on Emma. The older man watched as Emma took his cane from him as she wrapped her arm around his waist as she led him to her car.

"She is awfully young to be his girl." The officer commented to Naima as she led Clay to her car.

Seeing Emma shake her head and she smirked, "Her Father is his commanding officer. They are forward deployed."

"Oh." Emma heard the officer mumble as the two followed behind.

"You call me if you have anymore questions. I will get you whatever answers I can but what he told you, I do not think you will need anymore." Naimi said before walking towards Emma's truck as she was putting the seat belt around Clay. "I will bring food over, we will call the boys together from your house."

"Yeah, okay." Emma said, not even thinking about her Father and the team and what this would do to them, she just wanted to get Clay somewhere that he felt safe.

* * *

"We can't lose anyone else." Sonny mumbled as they got off the helo, Washington's body on the gurney being carried into the hanger by his team.

"We did our job today. Washington's family is able to bring him home." Jason said, still sticking close to Sonny. It hadn't gone unnoticed that Jason had kept his arm on Sonny the entire flight back, the same way Jason and Clay had done the day that their helo had gone down.

Jason laid Washington's helmet on his body and nodded to his superior officer before leading Bravo out of the hanger. They didn't go to the bar, instead they went back to their quarters, all sitting or laying down on their beds, it was too much, too heavy. When Jason saw his phone buzz he pulled it out. Emma's picture is what showed up and he sighed before letting it go to voicemail. Clay's phone was next and again he sighed and let it go to voicemail, he figured the two were together and just wanted to tell him the new rehab schedule and talk about the recital.

"Who's trying to call you?" Sonny asked and Jason just shook his head.

When Emma called again not three seconds later Jason slid his phone across his bed, "Kids."

"Why don't you answer it then?" Sonny asked.

"Not in the mood." Jason grumbled.

"Yeah...I don't know Man, might be kinda nice to have a reenactment of her recital after the last couple days." Sonny told him.

"You call them back then." Jason snapped as he threw his phone to Sonny. "I'm beat. Get some sleep." He said as he laid down on the bed despite the fact that it was mid morning where they were.

* * *

"He didn't answer." Emma mumbled. "They must be in the field still."

"Yeah." Naima said, moving to sit down at the kitchen island. "Emma are you okay with...?"

"I am always good with spending time with Clay." Emma said, squeezing Clay's shoulder as she sat down on the couch next to him.

When he felt her touch he let his hand fall to the side of his leg. Naima watched as Emma reached down and put her hand over his, "Yeah." She said standing up slowly. "I will be back in the morning with breakfast for the two of you and we can try calling again."

"Thank you." Emma gave her a sad smile, 'Thank you for making sure that he was okay."

"Thank you for taking care of your father's team." Naima told her as she let himself out.

* * *

As soon as Clay was alone with Emma he stood up and went upstairs and got into the shower. Knowing Clay as well as she did she went to her parents bedroom and grabbed a pair of her dad's gym shorts and a shirt and brought them up to the bathroom. Letting herself into the bathroom she hopped up onto the counter, "I don't need a babysitter." Clay mumbled from the other side of the curtain.

"I'm not going to let you shut me out jackass."

"I am fine."

"You are a bad liar."

"Emma I am fine."

"Clay you are full of shit." Emma shook her head. "Get your ass out of the shower and talk to me."

"I need to get his blood off." Clay finally mumbled and Emma reached down to look at the clothes that Clay had left on the floor.

"There isn't any blood on your clothes." Emma pointed out, the only thing that had gotten blood on it had been his hoodie and he had shed that before she had gotten to the VA Clinic.

"It is there." Clay said, voice choking and Emma knew he was crying.

"In your head or on your body?" Emma asked, climbing down from the counter and walking over to the shower curtain. When she heard a sob she shook her head, "Will you let me help you?"

"I don't want to need you." Clay said as she heard him sink down into the tub.

"You think that makes a difference?"

"He shouldn't be gone." Clay mumbled.

"Yeah well he is and I am here with you. Will you let me help you?" Emma asked him.

"Help with what?" Clay asked through the curtain.

"Getting the blood off." Emma told him.

"It's in my head...you said so." Clay mumbled.

"Then dry off and put on clean clothes." Emma said as she tossed a towel over the curtain.

"I should have stopped it."

"Did you know that is what he was going to do?" Emma asked him as he shut the water off.

"I should have." He said as he pulled the towel off the bar.

"Did you know that he had a gun in the truck?" Emma asked, standing up in case he slipped and she could help grab him.

"No." He said as he pulled the shower curtain open, towel wrapped loosely around his waist.

As she held out her hand for him to balance himself with as he climbed out of the tub she asked him, "Did you know he wanted to end his life?"

Looking at her he shook his head, "I knew he wanted to stop his pain."

"That isn't the same thing."

"The guys are going to blame me."

"What?" Emma asked, "That is crazy."

"I was here...they aren't."

"They aren't going to blame you." Emma told him as she threw the shorts at him before turning around and crossing her arms, "Literally ridiculous to think they are going to blame you."

"Leg hurts." Clay told her as he reached around her and pulled the shirt off the counter.

"Your leg?"

"Yeah...Falling...and he was on me...I just...he was dead."

"Come with me?" Emma said, turning around to face him. "I got you. Okay?"

"Promise?" Clay whispered, leaning against the doorframe.

"I ever lie to you?" Emma smiled, looking up at him.

"I just...Emma I should have seen it."

"Go would you?" Emma said as she reached to his side to turn the knob. When he just froze, staring at her she smiled at him. "You did what you could with the knowledge that you had at the time. Now we know better and our knowledge has been increased for the future."

"I should have seen it."

"You did." Emma told him as she pushed him out of the bathroom and across the hall to her room. "You saw that he was struggling so you went with him to the doctor. You saw that he shouldn't be alone so you went into the appointments with him. You got him lunch so he ate something. You waited at the pharmacy to get his medicine because the doctors told you that it would help...Clay you saw it and you did what you could. You had no idea there was a gun in the truck." As he sat down on her bed she nodded for him to lay down. "Let me see your leg." She said as she sat down next to him, massaging the sore muscles in his scarred leg.

"I think it is worse because when I was in the hospital...I thought about doing the same thing...if they told me I couldn't make it back I mean." Clay told her.

"I know." Emma mumbled, fighting her own tears, "Hard to see a future you never imagined."

"You knew?" Clay asked.

"Clay I work in the rehab unit of the naval hospital."

"You never asked me if I wanted to kill myself."

"I didn't need to. You were in a hospital with eyes on you around the clock."

"Still felt like it at home too." Clay admitted to her.

"And were you ever alone?"

After thinking about it for a minute he got tears in his eyes and looked at Emma, "No...Swanny was there if you weren't."

"We do what we can for the people we care about...what happened Clay...Brett dying...that was not your fault."

"Then whose fault is it?"

"Why does it have to be anyone's fault?" Emma asked and when she saw the questioning in his eyes she continued, "Sometimes everyone can do everything perfectly and shit still goes sideways." She reminded him, "How many times did you guys practice that mission when your helo was shot down? How many simulations do you run in a year? What happened today, Brett ending his life...it is basically a heart attack for his brain. Would you be blaming yourself if he would have had a heart attack?"

"No, but..." Clay started.

"Suicide is the worst case side effect from depression, anxiety and PTS."

"PTSD?"

"Post Traumatic Stress is not a disorder." Emma told him, squeezing his leg hard enough to bring his focus to her.

Reaching forward Clay pulled Emma towards him, "It hardly even seems real." When Emma laid down next to him, starting the movie in the background and turning off the light he looked at her, "I felt his weight on me...I saw the hole in his chest. I know he is dead...but he can't be gone."

"You still feel that way about Brian, I feel that way about my mom...we both get that feeling with Adam..."

"It sucks." Clay told her.

"Yes it does." Emma said, fighting her own tears. She had known Brett basically her entire life...though the last few years he hadn't been around much.

"Oh my God...you grew up with him." Clay said, rolling to face her, "And I just...God Emma..."

"Clay anytime anything happens you call me...that was the deal that we made in California. That doesn't change just because I knew who it happened to...we kinda know all the same people."

"I just feel...I feel guilty."

"I know." Emma told him, scooting so her side was in his chest.

"It hurts." Clay said quietly.

"I know." Emma said as she curled herself into him. "It is okay to feel everything that you are feeling." She told him knowing that this time he wasn't just talking about his leg.

* * *

As Jason was sitting in the their quarters as the rest of Bravo got ready for bed he saw his phone ring and reached for it to see Emma's face on the screen. Leaning back on his bed he hit the button to answer. Seeing not only Emma's face but also Clay and Naima he immediately felt his stomach drop, "What's wrong?" Jason asked. The rest of Bravo sitting up and walking toward their team leader.

"Daddy." Emma said with a shaky voice as she saw the cuts on her father's face and she felt as Clay leaned himself onto her seeing the same thing.

"Tell me it isn't the Kid." Sonny mumbled as he leaned over and saw the way Clay was sitting next to Emma.

"It is Swanny." Emma said as she took a shaky breath. "He killed himself...Clay was with him at the VA Clinic all day yesterday and..."

"I'm sorry Jace." Clay said, turning his head so he could see the phone, "I...I'm sorry."

"Are you hurt?" Jason asked, not wanting to believe what they were telling him.

"Clay is fine. He fell to the ground when he caught Brett's body but did not do any damage to his legs. Jason, Brett died by suicide in the parking lot of the VA Clinic last evening." Naima told them, frowning slightly when she saw Ray in the background.

"How?" Sonny asked with a shaky voice.

"Gun he kept in the glovebox." Emma told them.

"When the doctor said he couldn't help...I should have seen...I knew something was wrong and I tried..." Clay said before being cut off by Naima.

"Brett Swann shot himself in the heart Jason. Clay found him in his truck when he caught up to him." Naima said before Clay could say anything more about the guilt he felt or blame that he didn't do enough.

"What can we do?" Jason asked.

"You are forward deployed...Jason...I...Clay called Emma." Naima said, an attempt at an apology, like he shouldn't be calling her even though she knew that their relationship was different and that was exactly what the team would have wanted him to do.

"That is what he should have done." Jason, Sonny and all of Bravo Team said in unison.

"We are fine here." Emma said, "Sad...but fine. Just, just make sure you stay safe...okay?"

"You call if you need anything." Ray said, walking over and squeezing Jason's shoulder, ignoring the fact that he hadn't spoken to his wife in almost a week and knowing that she could see him, "Hey Clay?"

"Yeah?" Clay asked, looking up at the phone.

"We love you Brother." Ray told him before hanging up the call before Jason dropped his phone as he saw Sonny begin to lose it.

Reached over the man grabbed a pillow, promptly tearing it in half before punching the mattress, Jason pulling him into his side and holding him until he stopped trying to fight his way out of his grasp. "Twenty two...fucking twenty two a day...why didn't the doctors do anything?" Sonny yelled as tears fell from his eyes.

"We all failed him." Jason mumbled as a tear slipped down his cheek. "Kid was with him...at least he wasn't alone."

"Who wasn't alone?" Eric asked, walking in and immediately knowing something was wrong.

"Brett Swann uh, Swanny took his life." Ray said as Jason held Sonny.

"Shit." Eric said, sinking down onto the closest bed.

"Kid was there. Emma has him now." Jason told him.

"At his apartment?" Eric asked, he knew that Brett had been staying with Clay.

"Parking lot of the VA." Jason told the man.

"No...I mean where are they now?" Eric asked.

"My house." Jason answered. "Someone call Harrington and let him know what is going on...I'm sure this is going to fuck with the kids head."

* * *

"You are sure the two of you are okay?" Naima asked Emma for the fifth time as she put her jacket on.

"We are fine." Emma said, standing up and giving her a hug, "Can you let his rehab team know what happened? He is suppose to start his new schedule tomorrow but...we may need to modify it."

"You are so much like your Mother, you know that?" She smiled as she bent down to kiss the top of her head, "You call if you need anything."

"Just make sure that they know he isn't giving up...just...with what happened...tomorrow is going to be hard for him." Emma said, looking over to where Clay was laying down on the couch.

"His spot is safe...your dad would sooner give up his own place than fill his." Naima smiled at her. "He will make it back. Just make sure he finds his way back with his heart intact."

Clay bolted up as Emma shut the door behind her waking him up from his restless dozing, "Naima just left. Just us now." Emma told him with a sad smile.

"I...I failed him." Clay told her as he sat up, "When he needed me the most I just let him walk out the door and now he is dead."

Sitting down next to him Emma asked, "What can I do to make sure that never happens to you or to my dad or anyone else we know?"

"You really scared that will happen?" Clay asked her.

"Until you called the guys...yeah...the idea terrified me...and my Dad...if anything ever pushes him out...it happens a lot so it is a legit fear...every 65 minutes someone..."

"I know the statistics." Clay mumbled. "I didn't know you were scared that we...I just..."

"How do we move forward?" Emma asked, leaning back on the couch, Clay leaning back with her and putting his arm around her shoulders and pulling her into his side.

"I promise if I ever...I will call you." Clay told her. "And...I did get there in the hospital...but your voice...it was like my flashlight to find my way back."

"The way you talk sometimes it is...you read a lot." Emma smiled as she hugged him.

"I should call Brett's sister." Clay mumbled, pulling out Brett's phone from his pocket.

"They give that to you?" Emma asked.

"Yeah...he recorded it...the last...Emma it is on video."

"You watch it?" Emma asked.

"No. I heard the officer watching it before you got there."

"Oh."

"I need to call his sister."

"You want me to give you space?" Emma asked him leaning forward.

"No!" Clay said as he pulled her back into his side.

"Okay." Emma said, barely above a whisper as she turned, tucking her legs underneath her and hugging herself to his left arm.

Dialing the number Clay looked at Emma and took a deep shaky breath, "Hi..."

* * *

"What do you mean they are waiting to have the funeral until we can go home? It should be we get to go home for the funeral!" Jason yelled at Eric a week later when they still didn't have their orders to go stateside.

"Swann was not active duty. He did not die of injuries sustained in combat. The only family he has is his sister and she told Harrington herself that she wanted Bravo there even if that meant pushing back the date to the end of your deployment." Eric explained.

"That is bullshit and you know it." Jason said, slamming his hand into the wall.

"Clay has been cleared to do his rehab on base now?" Eric asked, hoping that would bring Jason out of his mood.

"And we are not there to work out with him." Jason snapped back. "He shouldn't be doing it alone so if that was your attempt to make me feel better about being stuck in this hell hole you have lost your mind."

"Do you want me to be your friend or your commanding officer right now?" Eric asked as he crossed his arms, leaning against the wall.

"Does it make a difference?" Jason asked, sinking against the wall next to him.

"As your commanding officer I should remind you that I am your commanding officer and the way you are talking..."

"What's your point Eric?"

"As your friend I am worried about you...and I want to go home just as bad as you do."

"My kids are home alone and really struggling right now."

"We are all ready to go home." Eric said as he leaned against the wall next to him. "At least you have the boys."

"What does that mean?" Jason asked, snapping his head to the side.

"You can talk to the boys. As your commanding officer..."

"It's different." Jason mumbled.

"How many more friends do we have to lose before something changes?" Eric asked.

"You close to Brett?" Jason asked.

"He used to be a bigger pain in my ass than you are now." Eric told him as he wiped a tear from his eye. "I need to get back to work." He said quickly before walking off and leaving Jason by himself.

* * *

"We are going to your apartment today." Emma said as she sat at the kitchen counter with Clay eating the dinner that she had made.

"Okay." Clay said without looking up.

"Okay?" Emma asked.

"I can't avoid the place forever." Clay shrugged.

"Okay." She smiled.

An hour later the two were standing outside of the apartment door, "I didn't think it would be this hard."

"Swanny was your friend." Emma said putting her hand on his back, "Now or never?"

Clay put the key in the lock and turned and found the apartment exactly as they had left it. The TV still on, image frozen on the clip he knew was of Nicky dying. Pill bottles on the table, sticky notes all over. "How did I not see..." Clay said as he started stacking the notes.

"That's just it though...you did see he was struggling and you took him to the clinic and stayed with him all day so he didn't have to be alone."

"A lot of good it did."

"I am going to start your laundry." Emma said as she stripped Clay's bed and put fresh sheets on. Walking into the bathroom she found a disaster and shook her head. As she cleaned she popped her head out to see what Clay was doing and he was still sorting and collecting all of the sticky notes. When the washer finished she switched the laundry and threw in all the clothes that had been piled in the bathroom. When she came out she saw him sitting with the laptop on his lap and tears on his face, walking over and sitting down next to him she saw Brett's face on the screen.

"One everyday for over two years...some are a few seconds some are a few minutes. He kept a video journal of his...of his fight."

"You looking for answers?" Emma asked.

"No...I know what killed him...he deserved better...Navy failed him." Clay mumbled.

"TBI?" Emma asked.

"From the blast that killed Nicky...one that he got discharged after...only he wasn't discharged for a TBI he was discharged for a compression fracture in his neck and hearing loss...the list got longer the more symptoms came up but TBI was never one of the things documented."

"Is it documented for you guys after the helo crash?"

"Concussion. Yeah... I guess...last couple years it hasn't been an automatic out so they are starting to track it if the concussions are bad enough to require medical attention."

"How are you doing?" Emma asked after a couple minutes of silence.

"I feel like I failed him." Clay shrugged. "Why am I worth all the rehab and cost when he wasn't even worth getting an MRI?"

"You can't compare stuff like that." Emma told him.

"Do you know how many MRI's I have had since I was blown to shit?" Clay asked her, "If they would have done ONE then he would probably still be alive."

"You don't know that." Emma told him.

"I do though...when the doc agreed with him...you should have seen his face...but the doc wasn't authorized to order the test..."

"If he would have gotten the MRI and it was inconclusive or didn't show anything what would he have done?" Emma asked, "There are too many what if's and you can't start asking them...what you can do is work to make sure that this kind of thing doesn't happen to anyone else."

"What do you mean?" Clay asked her.

"Well, they are doing an autopsy...so they should find the TBI in that...right?"

"Yeah?"

"So that would prove that he was right...and they can use that for research for head injuries or whatever...that is why he donated his body to science."

"It wasn't enough to save him though."

"No but if losing Swanny can save other people then it is something...I mean...we can't bring anyone back from the dead but we can use the loss of the people we love to live with even more purpose...right?" Emma asked.

Clay closed the laptop and put his hand on Emma's, "That is what I told you after you lost your Mom."

"It is." Emma said with a sad smile.

"I just don't know what to do." Clay told her.

"Well, you should get some sleep tonight." Emma shrugged as she got up to switch the laundry again. "You able to drive your car yet?"

"Haven't tried."

"I will drop you off on base before I head to work then."

"How do you know I am cleared to go on base now?"

"Really?" Emma smirked, "How do I know?" Holding up her phone on an email with his newest rehab plan.

"I forgot you get copies of those." Clay smiled.

"You excited to be back on base?"

"Little nervous, but yeah."

"I still have my unlimited Clay Spencer Pass from Harrington. I can go with you."

"Can I be selfish tonight?" Clay asked as he walked over to the dryer and helped her fold the clothes that she had washed, his and Brett's all in the same load and he grabbed Brett's sweater and held it in his hands.

"Swanny's?" Emma asked.

"Yeah." Clay said, finally setting it down on top of the dryer.

"Come on." Emma said as she threw the last of the wet clothes into the dryer. "Go get ready for bed."

"Will you stay tonight?" Clay asked her.

"I still have a bag here?" Emma asked.

"In the closet." Clay said as he walked into the bathroom.

"I will stay if I can wear your sweats." Emma smiled.

"They are in your bag." Clay smiled at her. She had worn them pretty much every night she had stayed with him in the hospital.

Once they were both laying down in bed Emma turned to Clay, "You want to call Dad?" She asked him and he nodded. Reaching over to the side table she pulled out the tablet and not thirty seconds later Sonny's face was on the screen."

"Well looky here." Sonny smiled when he saw Clay and Emma's faces on the screen.

"How are you guys doing?" Emma asked.

"We are doing." Sonny said, getting up and walking out of the room. "Jace is up in the gym." Sonny told him, "Pretty much non stop...he is having trouble sleepin."

"Figured as much. He blaming himself for Swanny?" Emma asked Sonny.

"More that you were there when he did it." Sonny shrugged as he walked and Clay felt Emma lace her fingers into his. "You start your new rehab plan in the morning don't you Blondzilla?"

"I do." Clay smiled, "Little nervous...but I am cleared enough to be back on base to workout so that is something."

"You call me from the treadmill I will run with you." Sonny grinned.

"Won't be running for a while Sunshine. Still can't walk without the cane."

"Whatever Grandpa. You aren't even suppose to be out of the hospital yet according to your file."

"What do you know about my file?"

"I just told you." Sonny smirked. "Says you are still supposed to be in the hospital having your baby chest waxed by the nurses."

"That so?" Emma smirked, "Miss you Sonny."

"Jace." Sonny said as he passed the tablet to her Dad.

"You stink." Emma smiled as she saw her Dad's face.

"Everything okay?" Jason asked.

"Just missed you guys." Clay said, struggling to smile. He could see the look on Jason's face and he had seen it before. "You guys get a date to come home yet?"

"Same one we had when we left...unlike you who gets to move your dates we are apparently stuck on ours."

"Move my dates?"

"Alpha is going to be joining you in the gym in the morning." Jason smiled.

"I thought they were with you?"

"They got sent out to get Washington. Back home now until the next roll out." Jason shrugged. "We sent something home with them, they should have it with them tomorrow."

"That so?" Emma smiled.

"Not the only ones missing someone." Jason winked before giving a small smile, "Love you two."

"Love you too." Clay and Emma said in unison and he felt her squeeze his hand.

"Take care of each other." Jason said, "We're buzzing."

"Stay safe." Emma told him before he hung up. When Clay didn't relax his hand Emma turned to face him, "You hate that they are going out without you."

"Am I suppose to like it?"

"No...you are too much like my dad though and sometimes it freaks me out."

"Why?"

"Person I am closest to is basically a younger version of my dad...gee I wonder why that freaks me out."

"We aren't your parents." Clay smirked at her.

"Clearly...if we were I would have been knocked up by now." Emma smirked back.

"You are my best friend too." Clay smiled, "Just don't tell Sonny I said so."


	34. Chapter 34

As Mandy ran through footage with Hicks in the skif she explained, "Two days ago, a hotel was bombed in Phuket. Eleven Westerners were killed. Twenty-two more were injured. It was similar to the event in Manila that severely wounded one of Bravo and killed fifteen civilians."

"Somebody's targeting Westerners." Was the brilliant response she got in return.

"We traced the bombing in Phuket to the Asian Liberation Army."

"ALA?" The man asked her surprised, though she didn't understand the surprise she always got when she told someone a bad guy was a bad guy.

"Mm-hmm."

"They're throwback Commies. Haven't been militant in 30 years." He tried to tell her, as if she didn't know everything about the skum bags that had sent Clay stateside.

"That's why I'm worried. An element of the nonviolent New Resistance Force carried out the bombing in Manila. A formerly peaceful Islamic group bombed a mining interest in Vietnam. The ALA's attack in Phuket fits into a pattern. It's not a coincidence. The tactics are alike, and they're not local. They're imported. Someone is radicalizing anti-Western groups in Southeast Asia."

"Why?"

"To destabilize the region. Make it easier to recruit, set up shop here."

"Do you know who?"

"I suspect, but I can't say yet."

"When you know you let me know." He said before walking out and leaving her alone in the room.

A few hours later Eric walked in and set down a bag with her usual, a burger and fries, "Got anything?"

"You know I do."

"Something for Bravo?"

"And maybe Alpha."

"Shaw going to approve?"

"First part, yeah. Second is a long shot." Mandy said cryptically.

"You going to read me in?"

"Once it gets approved."

"You talk to Jason?"

"Do I need to?" Mandy asked, "He has been spending a lot of time with the shrink."

"Yeah, I uh, I don't think they are doing much talking."

"Better than some of the coping skills the rest of Bravo partakes in." Mandy said, looking towards Eric and crossing her arms.

"Boys want to be home with the Kid is all...losing Brett...none of us expected that." Eric said leaning against the table she was working at.

"He saw his future when he looked at Brett."

When Eric looked to Mandy it was like a light switch turned on in his head, "Lost his best friend in theater, wife..."

"Brett didn't make it to Alana's funeral."

"He never said anything."

"Does he ever say anything?"

"Not until everything blows up in his face." Eric mumbled.

"And who do you talk to?" Mandy asked him as she gently put her hand on his arm knowing full well that Eric had known Brett as long or longer than most of the guys on the team.

"I do alright." Eric told her with a sad smile.

"Those cracks Eric...not just showing on Jace."

"If Bravo is a family I am the cousin...it's different."

"When a family member is killed it still hurts." Mandy told him.

"Like you wouldn't believe." Eric said, looking down at his hands as he felt the tears sting at the back of his eyes. After taking a minute to regain his composure he stood up, "Bravo will be ready when you are." He told her before walking out leaving her alone and shaking her head. She hated that her family was hurting and hated even more that in order for her to remain professional she couldn't comfort them the way she knew they needed it.

* * *

"What is it now Blackburn?" Jason snapped when the man let himself into their room.

"Just came from Mandy." He said, sitting down on one of the beds.

"She have something for us?" Sonny asked.

"Close. But that isn't why I am here."

"What then?"

"We were talking about Brett." Eric said, finding it hard to hide the sadness in his eyes, "Feel like we should do something to honor him... just don't know what or how."

"Never know what is in another man's mind." Sonny mumbled. "Just never know." He said looking between Jason and Ray.

"What did you have in mind?" Jason asked, "Since they won't allow us to go home to do a proper funeral. Last I heard they weren't even sure if he would be buried with full honors."

"He will get the appropriate memorial." Eric sighed, "and that wasn't quite what I was thinking..." Before anyone had a chance to ask any questions their phones all started to buzz, "figures." He mumbled before standing up and leading the team out of the room.

* * *

"We intercepted communications. The ALA is expecting a shipment of weapons at a port south of Bangkok." Mandy said, relieved that she finally had something concrete.

"They're planning another attack?"

"Yes. SIGINT says active shooters at Pattaya Beach." Mandy told Hicks as he looked over her research.

"Pattaya Beach."

"There's a U. S. carrier in port there."

"They're gonna hit the U. S. sailors on liberty."

"Unless we stop them." Mandy smiled, knowing that Bravo would get them before anything had the chance to happen.

"I can get the Thai government to approve an op." Hick's told her, "Tell your boys to keep things muted."

"The plan is a stealth op. Bravo will seize the weapons and bring back prisoners to be questioned." Mandy said, knowing that no matter what they did at some point something would leak but she had more faith in Bravo than any other team. Bravo would get the job done.

* * *

"Ray, you seeing this?" Jason asked using the name of his friend as they sat in the dark looking at the port Mandy had sent them to.

"Ain't blind." Ray snapped at the man next to him. "By the time we flank 'em, they'll have that truck loaded and gone. Got to hit 'em straight up."

"You know, the whole part of a surprise attack is the surprise. We kind of lose that when we go straight in." Sonny said with a shake of his head.

"Bravo 2, take Full Metal to the right. We'll go left." Jason told Ray switching into work mode and using Ray's call sign.

"Copy. Moving." Ray told him, forgetting the tension between the two and going to work.

"Bravo 2, on my mark." Jason said once he knew Ray and Full Metal were in place and ready for battle.

"Solid copy." Ray said only moments before bullets started flying and their environment was lit up and thrown into utter chaos. "We're hanging out here, Jace!"

"Sonny, Trent, in the water! Hit 'em from the exposed side!" Jason yelled as bullets were whizzing past.

"Roger that! Send the guy who hates water!" Sonny said into comms before running towards the edge of the pier with Trent. Anything for his brothers, fear or no fear.

Seeing a missle coming for them Jason yelled, "Incoming!" getting no response he the fear took over and he called for his friend, "Ray, you good?"

"Yeah, I'm good!" Ray told him.

"Bravo 3, how long?"

"Get ready for fireworks." Sonny yelled back to Jason before turning to Trent, "On three. One, two, three."

"Grab 'em." Ray said as they wrangled the prisoners, "Get down, get down" As they led the men back toward Jason he smiled, "Figure this guy's a long way from home."

"What do you say, family vacation?"

"Yeah. Doubt he brought his wife and kids from Pakistan." Jason said, "Havoc, this is 1. We got someone here CIA's gonna want to talk to."

Once the team was back on the plane they all stuck close together, whatever was going on in their individual lives they were thankful they all made it off that pier and Jason was even more thankful that he personally recognized one of the dirtbags from the bar the night that they almost lost Clay. As pissed as Jason and Ray were at each other they were best friends and brothers and it didn't surprise any of the others on that plane that the two were seated side by side.

* * *

"Doesn't matter how good you are. You could be the best damn SEAL on the best damn team. Every operator knows, comes a time when your number's up. Being a team guy, you never figure on being alone. When it ends, it's it's like life stops. At least, the good parts." Clay watched the videos that Brett had left behind, "I just signed the divorce papers. Only surprise is Katy stayed with me that long. The moment I knew it was really over, Katy looks at me and says, "I don't know who you are anymore. " All I could think to say was, Neither do I."

With each video, hearing his voice, seeing his face Clay felt the anger growing, sadness gnawing at him, guilt eating him alive. "Talk about a shot in the arm, being home. Yeah. This is home, with the guys. I met this kid, Clay. I've got a place to crash now, job interview lined up. Things-things are gonna change for me. I feel it." Clay saw his apartment, heard his name...he rewatched this one over and over, "Things are gonna change. I've got a job interview lined up place to crash now. Yeah, I met this kid, Clay..." He had given Brett hope. Even if it was just for the moment.

"Paroxetine. To go with the oxycodone, hydro...hydrocodone, diazepam, clon...clonazepam for I don't know what for. I just take 'em. Nothing helps." Clay watched as Brett went through his long list of prescriptions and couldn't help but have the phrase medicate and isolate run through his head. He felt eyes on him as he clicked on the final video, "They understand that something's wrong with me. In my head. They won't help me. Not really help me. I know how to fight wars. I know how to fight men. I don't know how to fight the VA. I'm tired. Study my brain. Figure out what happened inside my head. YODO."

As the sound of the gunshot echoed from the computer speakers Clay felt Emma's arm wrap around his. It was the same every night, he would wake up with a dream of Brett calling out for help and end up coming out to watch the videos he had left him. At first Emma tried to get him to talk, but now...now she just wanted him to know she was there. He knew she could tell he was trying to pull away from her, to save her from the same pain that he felt. He also knew that she was stronger than him and that no matter what he did she would always be there as a flashlight to guide him home.

"I'm going to the clinic today...find that doctor." Clay finally told her as he shut the lid to the laptop.

"You think it will help?" Emma asked him, knowing it was useless to try and talk him out of it but also knowing him well enough to know that it wouldn't actually make him feel better.

"I don't know." He told her, knowing that she didn't think it would help and a part of him knew she was right but he didn't know what to do and going there at least felt like he was doing something.

"You want me to go with you?" She asked.

He needed to do it on his own. Brett was his brother. He had failed him, he needed someone to blame. The Navy failed him. Until he found change he knew he would be haunted by the guilt. "No." Clay said quietly, "Keep your phone on though?" He asked.

* * *

After showering Jason pulled out his phone, looking at the photos from their last night home, with Brett at the bar, "Look at that." He said holding out a photo of all of them together.

"Hard to know what's in another man's mind."

"Yeah. Wish he had said something." Jason said sadly.

"Talk. Right." Sonny mumbled.

"Hey. Here we go." Jason said as the rest of the guys walked into the room each picking up a shot glass.

All together the men echoed, "To those before us. To those amongst us, to those we'll see on the other side. Lord, let me not prove unworthy of my brothers."

"Here's to Swanny." Jason said before dropping his phone to the bed and drinking the whiskey in the glass.

"Swanny." The rest of Bravo echoed as they took their shots.

Jason watched as his team quickly scattered, he knew most of them were headed down to the bar, it was the only place to go really and he hated how alone he felt...until he looked over to see Eric sitting with his eyes closed, empty glass in his hand and Jason walked over and sat down next to him, "Got you Man." Jason said as he felt the tears sting his own eyes.

It wasn't often that Eric showed emotion, or sought comfort in his brothers on Bravo but with Jason it had always been different. The two had known each other the longest and had a mutual trust so it made it slightly easier. "We keep losing them." Eric said, barely above a whisper, "Why do we keep losing them?"

* * *

"Hey. How are you doing?" Christine smiled to Ray as he walked over to the table she sat at.

"Deployment's coming to an end. We ship out next week." Ray smiled as he sat down across the table from her.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"So soon."

"Well, Christine, I-I thought the change in scenery would've done me some good. But here we are, three months later, and the bad guy's still out there and I'm even more mixed up than when I left." He told her, wondering why he found it so easy to talk to her when he couldn't talk to anyone else.

"You shouldn't be so hard on yourself."

"I'm sorry. I...You shouldn't have to sit here and listen to me wallow in self-pity."

"You can't tell me deployment's all bad."

"No, not all bad. Look, uh I hope I haven't been too much of a burden. You know, our talks."

"Hardly. Ray, whatever this is, it feels good." She said, reaching over and putting her hand on his, "You only have a week. Maybe we should, you know, make the most of it." Feeling the heat from her hand on his he finally understood what Mandy had been talking about with them being on the same page.

"Yeah...I...uh...The boys." Ray rambled.

"You know where to find me if you change your mind." She smiled as she got up, leaving him alone at the table.

Before Ray even had a chance to get up Sonny was sitting down at the table in the spot she had just vacated, "Don't start." Ray snapped.

"I've got a feeling, Ray Perry, and it ain't a good one." Sonny told him.

"You and your feelings." Ray shook his head.

"My feelings have been right on the damn money." Sonny said, crossing his arms, "The torpedo tube...what happened to Peter Pan...the dead man's hand...I can't shake it...and whatever is going on between you and Jace...somethin just don't feel right."

"Not on me to hold him up all the damn time Sonny."

"Don't give me that. You are his best friend and when Alana...when Alana died you were the first one there...didn't matter that the two of you were pissed then. He needed you and you were there."

"Yeah? And where was he in Mexico when I needed him?" Ray asked Sonny.

"That what this is about?" Sonny asked.

"I denied the man his last rights. That wasn't a choice I should have made."

"And so now you are drinking all the time, punchin people..."

"I didn't do a damn thing you haven't done."

"You're right. You are fucking right. But there is a reason you are number 2 on this team and I never will be. Talk to someone before it is too late." Sonny said standing up.

"I have been." Ray snapped back.

"Someone who doesn't want what rightly belongs to Naima." Sonny growled before walking off leaving Ray alone at the table.

* * *

"Hey, Emma. Finally, I caught you." Jason smiled on the screen.

"Hello. Sorry, Dad. Been busy. Was out all day, too. Naima took me shopping." Emma told him, and he knew she was hiding something.

"That's great. How is she?"

"Good. I think she's worried about Uncle Ray."

"Why's that? Guess they haven't spoken in weeks. She said you guys have been off-grid." Emma told him, "But you've called us...I didn't say anything."

"No, you-you were right not to. I..."

"Did you get my e-mail? About a meal plan and books? Vanessa says it's cheaper to buy..." Emma said, cutting him off. She knew something was wrong with him but with everything with Clay she didn't want to be on the phone when he called. Clay was home, she could help him...she couldn't help her Dad.

"Stop. Whoa, whoa. Just slow down, okay? How's Mikey?"

"He's fine, Dad. Mikey wants to go away to hockey school next year."

"Hockey...Hockey school?" Jason asked, already knowing about the school...he had been the one to send him there for the camp...but at least she was talking to him...her voice...God he wanted to be home with his kids.

"Yes. It's a boarding school where they play hockey."

"I know what that is. How am I supposed to pay for that?"

"And I also need a meal plan and books."

"Emma, hold on, okay? I will check my e-mail when I can...I-I called to talk to you." Jason told her, fighting the tears in his eyes, he hated that he needed his daughter but without Alana...he just didn't know what to do.

"You haven't even looked? If the payment's late..." Emma said making the quick decision that she had to brush him off...to keep them both from breaking and so she turned her feigned frustration turning to anger...Jason could see through it that there was something else going on, she just wouldn't talk to him.

"Look, it's not gonna be late." Jason tried.

"Says the man who refuses to deal with anything regarding my future." She knew it was a cheap shot but was hoping to get him angry instead of sad.

"I'm not. Look, can we just talk about something else here?" Jason said, barely able to steady his breathing

"No, Dad. We can't, because you keep making this the thing we always have to talk about by not dealing with it. Goodbye." She said hanging up on him as she felt her phone buzz in her pocket. Before even reading Clay's message she sent her dad a text, 'Love you. Read the email. Call me back once you have an answer for me.' She hoped that he would look at it before throwing his phone across the room.

Reading the text from Clay she went out and got in her car and started the short drive to the clinic just in case he needed her. 'Standing by his parking spot.' Was all the text had said. She knew that no matter what the doctor told him it wouldn't bring Brett back and once he got out what he needed to say he would crash.

Before Emma had even pulled out of the driveway she got a text back from her Dad, 'You going to tell me what is going on with him?' and she quickly sent a reply, 'He went to talk to Brett's doctor. Call me after you read the email."

* * *

Emma found Clay sitting on the curb where the truck had been parked the night that Brett had killed himself. "What are you doing here?" Clay asked her when he felt someone walk up to him.

"Didn't want you to be alone." She told him, "Figured if he couldn't order a MRI he wouldn't bring Brett back...and since that is about the only thing that could make you happy right now...I just...even if you won't let me in...I need you to see that I am here."

"You should be at work."

"And you should be at PT."

"What's the point?" Clay mumbled.

"Get off your ass." Emma snapped at him as she jumped up. "Get in the car, we are going to PT."

"It is too late." Clay said, looking up at her.

"You aren't a quitter. Let's go."

"Invoking your all access pass?" Clay said with a small smile as he stood up slowly.

"Yeah...while I am still stronger than you." Emma teased as she pushed Clay towards her truck.

"What's wrong?" Clay asked, looking at her after he got into the driver seat.

"Something is going on with Bravo...just have a bad feeling is all." Emma told him, "It is probably nothing but...when I talked to dad he looked upset." Clay just nodded and leaned his head back against the seat as she drove him to the base where he was suppose to be working out with a trainer.

Once they were parked Clay followed Emma into the building, surprised she knew where to go. "Nice of you to make it Mr Spencer." The trainer smiled. "You ready to get to work?"

"Uh yeah... hi." Clay said, realizing that he was wearing jeans.

"Clothes are here." Emma smiled as she handed him a small bag she had materialized out of nowhere. "Go change." She smiled before going straight into a conversation with the trainer, one she clearly knew and he wouldn't be surprised if she had him fully updated on everything Brett before he returned.

"Start with a warmup on the bike." He said as soon as Clay walked back in the room.

"He worked with Ray after his shoulder and Dad a few years ago when he busted his knee on an opp. When Dad was too stubborn to go work with him he found him on the course and made him do all the same stuff out there." Emma smiled, "I am glad he is the one assigned to work with you."

"You full time with the teams?" Clay asked as he sat down on the bike.

"Yes. And stop pussy footing it and start pedaling." He barked at Clay before smiling at Emma. "They are all the same."

"That a bad thing?"

"Wimp out in therapy but over do it on your own. It is how y'all keep getting repeat injuries. Think you know better than the doctors."

"Yeah well I am not all guys and this is not a repeat injury." Clay said as frustration rose as he felt the pain in his leg after less than five minutes.

"That." He said, walking over to him, "The face you are making. Point to where it hurts." When Clay pointed the man moved Clay's foot on the pedal so it was angled slightly, "Now try it." When Clay pedaled again the pain was gone and he smiled, "You have to teach the scar tissue where it is okay to move, going to be sore there but it shouldn't be a sharp pain so if it is again make sure your foot is angled."

"Yeah. Okay." Clay said with a small nod. When he looked over at where Emma was sitting on a yoga ball he smiled, "I am here. You don't have to babysit me."

"Actually I kinda do. My pass is access to you so I have to be with you while I am in here." Emma shrugged, "Besides when I am with you I am technically working and just on loan from med."

"So you get paid to spend time with this guy?" The ATC asked.

"Eh. Something like that." She smiled, "kinda makes up for how much of a pain in the ass he can be."

* * *

"Vodka soda, please." The psych ordered as she sat down next to Jason at the bar, "Well, look at that. Fancy seeing you here."

"We're on an island the size of a parking lot. Not many other places to be." Jason mumbled.

"Yeah, I think that's working out for me."

"Uh Thanks. You look tired."

"Yeah. Long day. Difficult patient."

"Patient?" Jason questioned, "Well, I thought that you weren't supposed to talk about your patients with the whole patient confidentiality thing."

"Well, I'm not exactly revealing anything confidential. Just saying I had a bad day."

"All right."

"How about you?" She asked, quickly picking up on Jason's sour mood.

"My day? Uh, just like yesterday. The day before that and the day before that and the day before that."

"You know, you're not really telling me much. You realize that, right?"

"What exactly would you want me to say?"

"Just how your day was. Is that too much to ask?"

"I didn't come here for this." Jason snapped, knowing he was taking out his anger on her without reason other than the fact that she was there.

"What? It's just a conversation."

"It's not a conversation. You're turning it into an argument, it sounds like."

"That's odd, because I was just asking how your day was, and you don't really want to talk about it, or much anything else, so..."

"You're psychoanalyzing me. You're trying to root through my brain and find something that is a problem that really isn't a problem, and then you make it a problem. That's exactly what you're doing."

"That's what you think?"

"Yeah."

"You know what? I can definitely think of some other place to be." She said standing up and walking away pissed off.

"Man Somebody's not happy with you." Mandy said, walking up to the other side of him.

"Oh, please. I don't want to get into it."

Ignoring Jason she asked, "Can I, uh, get one?"

"Uh, gin and tonic." Jason said to the bartender.

"Actually, I'll just have whatever he's having."

"Wow. Not having your usual?"

"No. Show of support."

"Show of support." Jason said with a sigh as the bartender quickly handed her a glass, "There you go. Cheers." he said sarcastically.

"Thanks. You want to tell me what's wrong?"

"Geez, you got to be kidding me."

"Oh, my God." Mandy said swallowing a sip of what Jason was drinking.

"You know what, let me ask you a question. Why does everybody think that something's wrong?"

"We don't have to talk about it." Mandy said knowing that by giving him an out he would spit it all out before he self imploded.

"I'm good." Jason snapped before taking a drink and a deep breath, "All right, fine, you want to know what's wrong? You know, my best friend, Ray, he's pulling away from the teams. He's loose, and he's going off the rails. I got Clay, who just got blown up on my watch. He's back home. He's going through rehab. I don't even know what the odds are that he even makes it back. My old pal Swanny shot himself in the heart in the VA parking lot. He's gone. My daughter, she hates me. I'm constantly worrying about my kids because they're home alone because their mother died. And my AO is so far up my ass because, you know, he doesn't think I know how to run my teams...My teams." Jason sighed and looked up at Mandy, "What, am I supposed to, like, feel better now that I did that?"

With a small chuckle she smiled at Jason, "I don't know."

"I don't know, either. I don't talk about these things because...I protect the people that I care about."

"No, Jason. We don't talk about these things because we want to protect ourselves." Mandy told him honestly, knowing that he knew she could see right through whatever masks he may be trying to hide behind.

"Do we have to do this here?" Jason asked her as he shot back the remaining whiskey in his glass.

"No, we don't. But we need to do it somewhere." Mandy said spinning her chair around and standing up.

"Where are we going?" Jason asked her.

"Away from here." Mandy smiled, walking out as Jason threw money on the counter before following her out the door.

* * *

"Good news, Clay. You're progressing fine. You're on schedule." The doctor told him as he sat on the table the end of the week.

"My right leg's getting better? You're sure?" Clay asked in disbelief. It had been a rough week and he felt like he was stuck.

"It is."

"When, uh, when do you think I can make it back to my team?"

"It's still premature to speculate, but if this pace of healing continues, I think you'll operate again. You're fortunate. Navy Med Center has an excellent PT staff."

"Yeah, fortunate." Clay said, picturing Brett's body falling out of the truck onto him. "Hey, uh, do-do I have anything in my jacket about a blast-wave injury from the bomb?"

"No. There's no mention of it. First responders were likely focused on your legs. Why?"

"I just, uh, had-had a buddy who couldn't get treated for TBI 'cause his injury wasn't in his jacket."

"Oh, I'm not surprised. Head injuries often go unnoticed when the victim doesn't lose consciousness. And the lack of self-reporting is understandable, given that a TBI can interrupt or end your military career. You've, uh You've been experiencing symptoms? TBI, I mean."

"No. No, I...none." Clay said, not wanting anything to ruin the slim chance of him making it back.

"Not like a team guy would tell me anyway." The doctor said as he typed his notes into the computer.

"Uh, yeah..." Clay said, "So you really think I will make it back?"

"Like I said, if you continue to improve the way you have I think the chances are good."

"Thanks Doc." Clay smiled.

As he walked out to his car he pulled out his phone to call Sonny and tell him the good news, "You okay?" Sonny answered with a scowl.

"I'm good. What's up your ass?" He asked, wondering what would have his friend so upset.

"Team's off kilter. I don't like it."

"Doc said if my improvement continues like it has been I will make it back." Clay smiled.

Sonny just stared into the phone, "That is some much needed good news Blondezilla. You just made my day Little Buddy."

"They really that bad?" Clay asked, "I mean, I know you are all going stir crazy over there but..."

"It's bad man... Mandy just took Jace to talk to him...she hasn't needed to do that since..."

"Emma said they got in a fight again about college stuff." Clay told him, "Think it is more to try and keep him fighting...not her actually being mad. I can tell she is worried even if she doesn't say anything."

"You still talking to her all the time?"

"You make that sound like a bad thing." Clay smiled. "I am closer in age to her than I am to you...you know that right?"

"You uh talk to Davis lately?" Sonny asked.

"She called a couple days ago. Sounds like things are going alright."

"Did she uh...did she say anything about her sister?"

"Didn't mention anything. I didn't think she talked to her family."

"She doesn't...didn't...I don't know...she said something about wanting to talk to her and see if she would go to her graduation...I just want to make sure she has someone there and since we are here..."

"When is it?"

"Couple weeks."

"I can be there." Clay smiled, for once feeling useful.

* * *

That evening the team was all in good spirits after Sonny shared the news about Clay's leg and that most likely he will be returning to his spot on Bravo. "Six beers, six shots on me. I got this round." Jason smiled to the group.

"Count me out. I'm gonna go call Naima." Ray said after looking at his phone.

Shaking his head Jason threw daggers at his best friend, "That's cute. You go ahead and you call your wife, Ray."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Talked to my daughter. You know what she's saying to me? She's saying that Naima told her that you haven't been talking to your wife for weeks, Ray."

Feeling panic rise into his chest along with the anger at being called out by Emma, Ray snapped back, "You want to tell me what a teenage girl's doing in my business?"

"Watch your tone. That's my daughter." As Jason started to stand up Sonny and the rest of the team started to move around so they would be able to separate the two if need be...and they knew the blow up was brewing.

"Why don't you take the air out your chest, Jason? Look, all I'm saying is, this is my business."

"You're right. It is your business, but when it starts affecting the team, then it becomes my business. Guess what. Team affected. It's my business."

"You're just looking for something to be mad at."

"That right?" Jason asked, "We all know what you're going through, bud."

"Mm-hmm. Do you?"

"Yeah. You haven't prayed in weeks. Look, I know what happened in Mexico. That church that hit you hard, man, but this isn't you. This is not Bravo 2, pal."

"See, you know what? That's all you want."

"What?"

"Bravo 2. Good old Ray, propping you up."

"Propping me up?"

"Yeah, propping you up. Holding you together, holding everyone together." Ray said as he huffed himself up, before slamming back to Jason, "You know, I'm not, I'm not gonna do this with you. Not until you get your own house in order."

"Put all your heat on the team leader 'cause you can't take it when the heat's on you." Jason snapped.

"There you go again. There you go again, calling out everybody else's imperfections when your hypocritical ass is too stubborn to understand that you've been falling apart at the seams ever since..." The guys shook their head as they saw an instant change in Jason...and were shocked that Ray had the balls to call his team leader and best friend in the way that he just did.

"I'm sorry. When? Since when? Go ahead, say it. Say it, Ray." Jason yelled, feeling like he was going to explode at any second. How dare he, how dare his best friend throwing his wife's death in his face, "Since my wife died? Since Alana?"

"Yeah, since Alana died!" Ray yelled back, hating that things had escalated so quickly but being so pissed at the world he really didn't care.

"That's what you're gonna say?"

"You know what? Man, I'm not even doing this, because you were too stubborn to listen to her, so I know you're not gonna listen to me. I'm out...Yeah, I'm out. I'm out."

"You're out? Why you keep bringing up my family, Ray?"

"I didn't bring up family! You brought..." Ray said rushing towards Jason and taking a swing before the two of them were surrounded and being pushed out opposite doors of the bar.

* * *

Once Sonny had Ray back in their room he moved over near where Ray was putting things away in his locker, "Hey, Ray, listen, man, you and Naima going through stuff, you know, you can always I don't know talk to me."

"What's that? What-what you gonna do? You're gonna, you're gonna counsel me with all your all your marriage experience? And I'm sick and tired of Jason holding me up like I'm I'm some damn moral compass."

"Hey, you need to take a breath and sit down."

"I don't want to."

"Sit your ass down." Sonny ordered. "Bravo 1 may lead the team, but 2 is the glue."

"Don't do that. Don't put that on me. I did not ask for that."

"Maybe you didn't, but it is what it is, brother."

"You know what? Don't tell me who I am, Sonny. I know who I am."

Feeling so beyond frustrated with his two team leaders he laughed, "Oh. All right then says the guy that punches his team leader and his best friend? That who you really are, Ray Perry?"

"You don't know what you are talking about." Ray snapped at Sonny as he sat down.

"Start talking then."

"None of your business."

"If you think that show at the bar isn't going to come back to bite us all in the backside you have lost your mind."

"It's none of your business Sonny." Ray said again.

"Just like it was none of my damn business when Jason and Alana started having troubles or none of my damn business when I saw the kid going sideways after..."

"I get it...just not now."

"Don't think I need to remind you that tomorrow isn't guaranteed." Sonny growled at Ray before slamming out of the room.

* * *

Catching up to the guys dragging Jason back to the base Eric grabbed Jason and pulled him into the first building they came to and practically pushing him into the first chair they came to. "You know Shaw has eyes on us. He's waiting for us to screw up. It's hard for me to understand why what happened in that bar happened."

"Don't know." Jason snapped, clearly not ready to talk about whatever happened.

"You don't know?"

"Look, I let it get to me."

"Let what get to you?"

"Ray he's got something going on. Been dealing with something ever since Mexico, you know? Should have seen it, should have taken care of it much earlier, but I didn't." Jason blurted out all while knowing full well what happened was not just about what was going on with Ray.

"This isn't about Ray..." Eric said and he watched Jason sigh, "Jason, you've got a heavy load."

"Come on."

"Trying to fill the role of both parents for your kids and lead this team. But you cannot do it all, not without help."

"Who says I need help?"

"The cracks. Cracks that are starting to show. They scream it loud." Looking towards his friend he shook his head, "Jason, you need to quit making excuses. And take a close look at yourself. 'Cause Bravo team is suffering. And if things don't change, there's a good chance this team gets dismantled. If that happens, it won't be on Shaw, won't be on Ray. It'll be on you."

As their phones buzzed they both knew that Mandy had found what she needed, "I am fine. My kids are fine. Ray will be fine. We know how to do our jobs."

"I am not just worried about you doing your job." Eric shook his head. "Bravo is family and quite frankly I do not want divorce to be on the horizon."

"Divorce? Really Eric?"

"Get your house in order." Eric told him with another shake of his head.

* * *

Clay stood outside of the ship until the very last guard was set to close the boat to start the ceremony and he finally stepped forward. "Where is your invitation?" The guard asked.

"Here for Ensign Lisa Davis." Clay told him. "Her sister was suppose to come but she uh...she called last minute and couldn't get a..uh sitter." Clay rambled.

"Davis huh?" The guard asked with a smile before looking at his list. "Her guest didn't arrive so I guess you can go."

"Thanks Brother." Clay smiled as he stepped forward, relying on his cane to help him keep balance as he walked up the gangplank.

"Where'd you get your ticket punched?" He asked, following him up.

"Manilla." Clay told him without turning around.

"You out for good?" He asked, the same question everyone always asked.

"Still waiting for the final verdict." Clay shrugged.

"Top deck. You know the way?" The guard asked and Clay nodded quickly before making his way up to where they were holding the ceremony.

"U. S. Navy Officer Candidate School Class 2019. Congratulations, Ensigns. Today marks the beginning of your career as a commissioned officer. From this day forward, you will wear the uniform of a leader. There will be times when you must make hard decisions. Decisions that you must make on your own. Decisions that require courage, decisions that affect your nation. When those times come, I urge you all to think back on this day, on the events that led you here. Think back to all you've learned, all you've accomplished. Your failures, as well as your triumphs..." The ceremony started as he made his way to his seat.

When Clay looked up he saw a defeated look on Lisa's face but when she looked out at the seat again she broke out in a big grin. "Ensign Lisa Davis." The master of ceremonies called out and Clay couldn't help but smile as she kept her eyes locked on him.

Finally able to walk toward him she pushed him on the shoulder, "What are you doing here?"

"Figured you would want family here." Clay smiled as he pulled her into a hug.

"Sonny told you to come...?"

"He told me you were going to see if your sister could come and didn't know how that would turn out so I said I..."

"You were standing there waiting to see if she..."

"Family Davis...not always blood." Clay said and Lisa held tighter to his waist, she hadn't seen him since the hospital.

"How did you get here?" She asked, pulling back slightly.

"Drove."

"By yourself?"

"Cleared to work out on base now." He smiled to her, "Doc thinks I will make it back to Bravo."

"Really? That is amazing!" Lisa said, pulling Clay into a hug, "It is so nice to see you out of that hospital bed."

"You going to tell me what the deal is with your family?" Clay asked her, "Sonny just mentioned that your past was..."

"My mother was an alcoholic and was out partying when our house caught fire...my little sister was killed and my wonderful mother blamed me...my other sister..." Lisa shrugged, looking down at her shoes.

"Got it, well...just know that family isn't always blood." Clay smiled at her, "I am glad Sonny told me about this...you deserve this."

"Just hope that I am able to stay on the teams now."

"You will." Clay smirked, "Harrington is a big fan of yours."

"Really?" Lisa asked, surprised.

"Well, he has been bitching about everything going to hell since you left for training." Clay smirked.

* * *

Mandy finally had clearance for her opp and once Bravo was all in the room she started, "The Pakistani you pulled off the dock in Bangkok is a former member of ISI. Name's Tareen."

"All that running around chasing Commies, and we're back to the same old meat and potaters." Sonny said sitting back in his chair.

Ignoring the man Mandy continued, "As you all know, it's common practice for Pakistani military and intelligence to fund, recruit and train terrorist cells."

"I bet that connection's the man who trained Tareen."

"Got a winner. Yasin Khan."

"Khan ran ISI and Pakistani special operations teams. Khan's M. O. has always been providing funding and target packages for extremist cells, but as his influence increased, Khan began turning on and activating terrorist cells within non-extremist groups."

"Like our Communist friends in Thailand and the Philippines."

"Yes. He's solidifying his influence in the region."

"Why?"

"Because he wants the region."

"Destabilized and terrorized."

Eric, always impressed with Bravos ability to humanize the unimaginable and get the job done went on, "Yasin Khan is the man responsible for the bombing that sent Clay Stateside. He's also shaping up to be the next Osama bin Laden. We tracked his camp to the disputed area of the Kashmir mountains. Langley has bumped him up to capture/kill priority. We'll be executing this one off the books. Nothing, and I mean nothing can go wrong on this one."

"I'm gonna take a shot in the dark here and say that Pakistan doesn't want us playing in their backyard, yeah?" Jason pointed out.

"Well, given their recent aggression on both sides and the fact that Pakistan and India tensions haven't been this high since the early '70s, no. If your presence is discovered, it could start a war." Eric told the guys.

"I bet Shaw's happier than a pig in mud over this op." Sonny smirked.

"If we can't breach in Pakistani airspace, we drop in over India." Jason said.

"Exactly. HAHO's the only way. You'll be crossing into Kashmir under canopy after opening over India."

"Those mountains are pretty high. K2's what, 28,000 feet?" Ray asked.

"Correct. But your course has you passing through a saddle which peaks at 15,000 feet. That gives you a 3,000-foot window for error, so, ideally, you'll pass over the mountain range at about 18,000."

"Well, that sure doesn't give us a lot of wiggle room."

"Sure doesn't. If you open below 18,000 feet, you're gonna land on the east side of the mountain, which, according to our intel, is chock-full of enemy. If that happens, you'll be forced to E&E."

"Well, that's a deterrent if I ever heard of one."

"Once you're on the ground, we lose ISR, and comms will be spotty."

"So we'll be all alone, what else is new." Jason mumbled.

"Let's get our gear ready, grab some rest. We meet at the staging area at 1500." Eric said before the team scattered. "Hey." Eric said catching Jason before he left the room with the rest of his team.

"Yeah."

"Sonny was right back there." Eric told him.

"Sonny's never right about anything." Jason rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, well, he's right about Shaw. To say that man's unhappy is a vast understatement. This op could make or break his career. And ours."

"We can do our jobs." Jason practically growled.

"Under normal circumstances yes. But whatever is going on with Ray..."

"First you say the team problems are my fault. Now you are worried about Ray?"

"I am worried about both of you." Eric snapped back. "Nothing can go wrong on this one."

"We will be fine." Jason snapped before going back up to the teams quarters.

"What Blackburn want?" Sonny asked.

"Nothing." Jason snapped as he pulled out his computer. "Can someone tell me how to open this email from Emma so I can sign whatever it is she needs me to sign just in case..."

Snapping their heads over to Jason both Brock and Trent were at the computer in an instant and not thirty seconds later the file was on its way back to Emma. When they stood back up they saw Sonny's eyes on them but Ray was clueless with his head in his locker texting someone...most likely not Naima.

* * *

"When you're a team guy, that's what you live for. There's nothing like that feeling, that rush. You are the tip of the spear. I've got a different mission now. They tell you in BUD/S, the only easy day was yesterday. I'm gonna work this like I worked BUD/S. One day at a time. I got this." Clay played the video to Harrington before switching it to another, "Lead us out. Roger that. All right, boys. Let's get ready..." He heard Brett's voice say before the sound of the explosion that killed his best friend.

"Brett Swann lived five more years. But that explosion is the combat injury that killed him. Brett deserves a Purple Heart. And I'd like for you to request an award review."

"All right, Spenser. It'll take at least six months."

"That's fine, sir."

"And the request will most likely be denied. The standard for the Purple Heart, when it comes to a blast-wave injury, is that it needs to cause a loss of consciousness or be severe enough to require treatment by a medical officer. Brett never asked for treatment. It's not in his jacket."

"Would you have asked, sir?"

"No. No, that's not the point. The point is a Purple Heart will not be awarded because Brett did exactly what you and I would do: he didn't report it. He should have. But he didn't feel like he could. And that's what needs to change. This medal isn't just for Swanny, this is for all of us who could wind up just like him."

"I understand that. The military has to draw a line somewhere until we know more about TBI."

"We're not gonna know more until we change the system. It has to be reported in order to be studied and treated. If the military won't pay attention to the problem, maybe the press will."

"Spenser, I'm on your side here. I really am. But if you take this outside of our orbit, you'll be throwing away your career and facing a court-martial." Harrington threatened, hating the words as he heard them in his own voice.

"Right. Sorry for wasting your time." Clay said before folding his laptop and walking out.

"Spencer." He heard Harrington yell but he ignored it and kept going.

Pulling out his phone as he left the building he dialed Emma, "He going to help?" She asked.

"No...basically threatened my career if I tried to do anything..."

"That doesn't sound like something he would say." Emma said, wondering why Harrington wouldn't back up Clay to get Brett an award he deserved. "What are you going to do?" Emma asked, knowing him well enough to know he wasn't going to just drop it when he had been fixated on it since Brett died.

"Was thinking about calling my Dad." Clay told her. "Or do you think that is a bad idea?"

"I think you should think long and hard before you do anything." Emma told him, "And maybe talk to the guys."

"They are headed out." Clay told her, "You want to meet up for dinner?"

"Sure. Davis was going to take me out shopping this afternoon, it okay if she comes too?"

"Yeah. Just text me where you want me to meet you guys." Clay said before hanging up the phone.

* * *

As Sonny sat watching Jason and Ray not speaking, hell not even looking in the same direction for hours as they were flown into Indian airspace Sonny felt his anger growing. When he knew they were less than an hour out he finally got up and went over and sat down next to Jason. Looking over at the man who had been basically his younger brother for nearly two decades he shook his head, "Not now, Sonny."

"Now is all we got, Jace. We're 30,000 feet over India, about to jump into a hornet's nest. We got a cake-eater who's supposed to have our back, and who's getting his knife ready."

"And?"

"And?"

"Yeah."

"Things aren't right with you and Ray."

"The guy took a swing at me."

"The guy? That guy is Ray. Bravo 2. Your best friend."

"Mm."

"Yeah, you're both in the wrong taking a swing at each other. You got to make it right, J."

"No, what I need to do is keep my head in the game. The mission's the only thing that matters. Ray knows that, too."

With a sigh Sonny stood up, "Y'all are a bunch of children."

* * *

As they were dropping Jason started counting chutes as they opened. "Havoc this is 1, I have six." He said into coms.

Not thirty seconds later he heard his best friend's voice, "I got a line over! Say again, line over. I'm working the problem."

"Work the problem, Ray. Work the problem." Jason said, trying to keep his voice steady. They couldn't have any mistakes on this one.

"I'm working it." Ray said before a few seconds of silence, "Too long. I've got to cut away." After a few more seconds Jason heard, "I'm cutting away. Tell Naima I love her."

"Ray!" Jason yelled as he saw the shoot tangle within itself and he knew that Ray was free falling somewhere below.

Looking to his right he saw Sonny looking back at him, both knowing that they may never see their brother again. "Bravo 1, what just happened?" They heard Eric ask through comms.

"Havoc, this is 1. Bravo 2 has a chute malfunction and had to cut away from his main. I say again, Bravo 2 had to cut away from his main."

"Copy that, Bravo 1. Did anyone see his reserve deploy?"

"Havoc, this is 1. Negative." Jason said before he heard only static. They were on their own and Ray was cut off from them landing in enemy territory. "Havoc, this is 1. We've lost Bravo 2. I say again, we've lost Bravo 2."

* * *

"Hey Blondie!" Lisa smiled when Clay walked into the restaurant.

"Hey." Clay said sitting down at the booth and smiling at Emma.

"You guys find anything good?" He asked Emma.

"Few things for my room. I am taking a lot from the house since Dad is going to end up selling it...he keeps saying he isn't but he hates being there and when it is empty it will be even worse for him."

"You shouldn't have to be thinking about that kind of stuff." Lisa told her.

"Says the one who had to play parent when she was way younger than me." Emma said, cocking her brow at Lisa.

"Point well made." Lisa said, holding her hands up in mock surrender. "Guess none of us had the ideal childhoods."

"Don't think anyone on the teams did...big part of why a lot of us joined the teams was to find family we didn't have." Clay said, looking down at his phone.

"You told your Dad didn't you?" Emma asked.

"I uh...I left a message...who knows if he will even listen to it." Clay shrugged as he pocketed his phone.

"Told him about what? I thought Jace told you not to talk to him." Lisa questioned.

"About Brett. Clay wants to help get him awarded..."

"Harrington isn't being helpful." Lisa interrupted, "Not really surprising. He didn't die in battle. He died in the VA Parking lot because the VA wasn't able to help how they should have...it is a PR nightmare...what does that have to do with..." Lisa was going to question, "Your Dad's press connections. Got it."

"Do you think it is a bad idea?" Clay asked nervously.

"I think it is genius. Your Dad knew Brett...they weren't on the same team but they definitely knew each other and it is a good way to keep your hands clean."

"I didn't know they knew each other." Clay said, his smile disappearing, "Brett never mentioned it."

"Probably didn't want you to ask about his family." Emma suggested, "He only ever talked about what he felt safe saying...was always that way." When Clay finally looked up and meet her eyes she smiled, "You guys ready to order?"


	35. Chapter 35

As Jason's feet touched the ground he looked all around him, counting his brothers as they landed all around...only, his best friend, his number two, Ray was missing in action. "Havoc, this is 1. We've lost Ray." He said into comms with the base before switching over and calling to Ray in their radio, "Bravo 2, this is 1...Bravo 2, this is 1...Bravo 2, this is 1...Bravo 2..." Jason said as if it had become his new mantra.

"Jace, any word on Ray?" Sonny asked him frantically, "Hey, Jace, did his reserve open?"

As Trent unhooked from his chute he said, "I saw him under reserve canopy. But he was real low when it opened."

"I tell you right there, we should have never done this mission...Our minds weren't in it." Sonny shook his head.

"Listen to me, Sonny. Pull it together, got it? Ray worked the problem, he's gonna be fine." Jason told him as he tried to keep his mask on, he hadn't even seen the reserve open.

"Okay, but we don't know that." Sonny said, practically begging Jason to lie to him.

"Havoc, this is 1. I pass flea-flicker. Were you able to establish comms with Bravo 2?" Jason said as everyone had separated from their chutes and ready to continue their mission.

"Yeah, copy that, 1, passing flea-flicker. Bravo 2 deployed his reserve and was tracking to put down about ten klicks from the LZ. Still trying to raise him on comms." Eric told Jason.

"Ten klicks, that puts him on the east side of the mountain. Area's crawling with enemy." Jason responded.

"Yeah, smack-dab in the middle of terrorist Walley World. No QRF, no ISR for overwatch. I'm telling you right now, Ray's in a lot of trouble." Sonny said.

"Havoc, this is 1. I'm gonna retrieve Bravo 2 and then head to target." Jason tried.

"Negative, 1. Bravo 2 is aware of his contingency procedures, and he's likely moving to the tertiary exfil point. You are to continue your mission." Eric told Jason.

"That's a big assumption; we don't know his status." Jason said, kicking himself for not fixing things with Ray before their jump.

"Bravo 2 is trained for this type of situation. Be advised that your mission is time-sensitive. Your orders are to Charlie Mike."

"Copy that. We're out." Jason mumbled.

"Are you kidding me, Jace? We're gonna leave Ray out in the cold?" Sonny asked, ready to fight.

Trent was right there with Sonny, "We're the only American boots on the ground that can go get him."

"Come on, boss, we can't leave him behind." Brock begged.

"Stop. Enough. All right? Enough. Get your heads in the game. We got an op to do. Ray is gonna meet us at the exfil point. He is gonna be fine. Hide the gear and let's go. Let's go." Jason snapped before walking away from the guys into a clearing. "Bravo 2, this is 1. Bravo 2, key your mic. Come on, Ray..." He knew that if they didn't go after Ray now then he would never see him again. He knew his job but he knew...he knew that if they didn't go to Ray then they would never see Ray alive again.

* * *

"Hey, J." Sonny said as he walked up to Jason.

"Save your oxygen, Sonny." Jason said, no fight left in him.

"Look, Ray's alone in the wilderness." Sonny started.

Jason shook his head, "You're a sheepdog."

"Sheepdog's gotta keep this flock together." Sonny reminded him.

"Yeah, right." Jason shook his head again.

"Sheepdog's also gotta drive the herd so they don't lose their way...You know, when I was in that torpedo tube, the only thing that kept me going was knowing that my brothers were a few feet away from me, all right? This world is a hell of a lot easier to navigate when you got someone to lean on." Sonny said, trying hard not to completely lose his mind.

"Ray's gonna be just fine." Jason said, praying it was true.

"This fight's making you see red. The last time Ray was on his own, it wasn't a mountain keeping him from the team. It was you. He was the first damn person to show up when Alana died." Sonny reminded him, thinking it was because Jason was still upset and that was why they weren't going after him yet.

"Hey, listen to me. I'm very aware what Ray has done for me. You don't think I have any interest in finding him? You don't think I want to make things right? It's Bravo 2, he's my best friend. But right now, we have a job to do. Get your head out of your ass. Emotions get people killed." Jason snapped at Sonny before walking away and trying Ray again, "Bravo 2, come in. Come on, Ray. Where are you?"

"Bravo 1, this is Havoc." Jason heard Mandy's voice in his ear, "Picking up SIGINT that militants located a parachute and two killed fighters. They know they have a visitor."

"Havoc, this is 1. If Bravo 2 is discovered, our HVT's gonna disappear. Recovering 2 is critical for mission success. Request permission to break off to go get Bravo 2." Jason tried again, knowing this may be his only chance of rescuing his best friend.

"Bravo 2 has kicked up a hornet's nest. It sounds like the enemy is already swarming. You head over that mountain, there's no cavalry coming to your rescue. Do you understand what you're requesting?" Eric asked, knowing he already had his answer.

"Copy that. We're aware of the risks. Bravo 2 needs us." Jason said, not even bothering to ask the rest of Bravo what they wanted to do.

"All right. Let's retrieve Bravo 2." Eric told him.

"Copy that. Bravo out." Jason said as he walked back towards the team, "All right, change of plans. We're going to get Ray."

"Tertiary exfil point's on the other side of that mountain summit. Enemy's fortified in there like Tora Bora." Trent said.

"Could avoid contact by going around the mountain instead of over." Brock tried.

"Ray doesn't have time. Speed is safety on this one." Jason said, "Trent, lead us east."

"You got it." Trent said moving forward, the rest of Bravo falling in line behind him.

* * *

As Clay cleaned up his apartment he heard a knock on the door, he knew it was Stella...she had sent him a text asking if he was home and after ignoring it for a few minutes he finally sent her a message back...but not before he asked Emma is he was crazy for wanting to see her. Knowing that Emma would be there after she got off work made him less worried about what he might do when he did have her alone.

"Hi." He said as he swung open the door of the apartment they had shared.

"Hey." She smiled.

"Come on in." He said as he moved so she could walk past.

"You look good. I mean, all things considered." She said nervously.

"How did you hear?" Clay asked her. He knew Emma hadn't talked to her and knew most of Bravo hated her.

"Uh..." She smiled nervously, "Naima. And-and I just I just had to come and see for myself." She told him. When Clay scoffed she quickly shook her head, "You, not your leg."

"Wasn't really a big deal." Clay lied.

"You don't have to do that for me. I can handle what happened, a bomb nearly killed you."

"Yeah, but it didn't."

"Thank God. I, um I came to the hospital. Like, six weeks ago." Stella told him.

He knew he had been drugged a good portion of his time in the hospital but he would have remembered if she had come...and Emma would have said something. "I'm sorry. I must have been I must have been really drugged up, I don't remember that."

"Mm. I never actually made it out of the lobby." She confessed and he nodded, not surprised.

"Well, bombing validated all your concerns of why we couldn't be together." Clay mumbled a response.

"M-My heart told me that I needed to come and nurse you back to health, but then I realized that, uh, that wasn't my place anymore and that you were probably in enough pain without me." She thought about nursing me back to health? Did she get over her fear of him dying? Why was she even here...the inner monologue in Clay's head was intense.

"Honestly, I wasn't a lot of fun to be around then anyways."

"Yeah, but were you ever fun?" Stella smiled, teasing him before looking around and seeing Brett's bags around the apartment. "So, what, are you you're moving?"

"No, I had a...I had a friend that was staying with me."

"Oh, and, uh, did your friend leave?"

"It's a long story." Clay said quickly, not sure if he was ready to have that conversation with her quite yet.

"I didn't drive all this way to just hang out for five minutes." She told him, seeing the clouded look in his eyes as he told her.

"I uh...Brett killed himself." Clay blurted out.

"Wait...what?" Stella asked, trying to keep her jaw from dropping.

"Suicide...at the VA...it was in the news." Clay mumbled as he moved over, sitting down on the couch.

"I...start from the beginning...who is Brett?" Stella asked.

"You actually want to know?" Clay asked, surprised.

"God Clay...yes I want to know...we may not be together but I still care about you."

"Why?" Clay asked her, letting his eyes meet hers for the first time.

"Why do I care about you or why do I want to know about Brett?" Stella asked as she cocked her head to the side.

"I just..." Clay mumbled.

Reaching her hand across and putting it on Clay's she gave a sad smile, "I care about you. That never changed."

* * *

"Bravo 1, this is Havoc. Be advised, Indian assets report enemy massing between Bravo 2's last known location and the tertiary exfil point." Jason heard Mandy tell him over comms.

"Copy that. They know who they're after?"

"Negative. There's no chatter about American military."

"Copy that. Bravo out." Jason told her before walking over to his guys. "All right, set security, hydrate. They're moving, too."

"Whole other side of the mountain's after Ray, chasing him down. He's not making it to exfil."

"Uh, he's just evading now, pushing deeper into the valley."

"Yeah, the enemy's dictating his choices."

"I'm telling you what, if I'm Ray, I'm using this river as a guide to get to the border."

"Our hike has officially turned into an odyssey."

"Sure has."

"I want you to hydrate, okay? We're moving in two."

"Yeah." Jason heard as his team answered as he walked away from the guys to try for Ray again.

"Hey, J." Sonny said walking up to him slowly.

"Yeah?"

"I didn't mean to cross the line earlier." Sonny told him.

Shaking his head Jason sighed, "Sure you did. You were worried about Ray. We all are...I crossed the line with Ray, as a team leader and as a friend."

"You both were in the wrong." Sonny tried to tell him.

"Well, Mexico messed him up."

"Mm-hmm."

"I saw it. He'd been struggling for a while. I should've picked him up, I knocked him down. That was wrong of me. I kept waiting for him to sort it out on his own. Maybe you're right. Maybe we can't do all this on our own." Jason said feeling his mask falling away.

"Hey, Jace. We are gonna go find Ray right now. You understand?" Sonny asked.

"Right." Jason said, looking up at his brother.

"Okay." Sonny smiled, "Got you Brother. We are going to get him."

"Son I can't lose him." Jason said, his voice threatening to break.

"We aren't going to." Sonny told him.

"Yeah...okay." Jason said as he wiped his eyes before standing up and squeezing Sonny's shoulder before walking past him. "All right, let's go. We got to move. Come on."

As Sonny watched the man he had once considered unbreakable struggle to hold himself together he once again came to the conclusion that they were family and family stuck together no matter what. He wasn't going to let anything happen to Ray because he knew that if Ray wasn't okay then Jason wouldn't be either...and he already didn't know if Clay would make it back and he just couldn't lose two more of his brothers.

* * *

"Last time I was this dehydrated, it was that training mission in Mississippi." Sonny complained three hours later after hiking several miles up and down to cut through the mountain range towards Ray when he noticed the morale of his family was two wrong steps from the toilet.

"Yeah. You downed so much mescal, Ray had to drag you home early every night."

"Yeah. Yeah, I never got to thank him for that." Sonny said.

"Never thanked him for a lot of things." Jason said before they started to hear gunfire as bullets began flying in their direction.

* * *

"I don't understand how Brett doesn't deserve a Purple Heart. I mean, he was injured in combat." Stella said, shocked at the injustice that Clay had just told her.

"Yeah. Military doesn't see it that way. They even, uh they even threatened my career if I keep pushing Brett's story." Clay shrugged, getting more comfortable the more he talked with her.

"Unbelievable. You guys sacrifice so much only to be abandoned when you're no longer of use." When Clay looked down at his leg she backpedaled, "I didn't mean you."

"It's all right. I feel pretty useless these days...Especially for Swanny." This time her comment didn't rub him the wrong way, this time he knew that she was still his friend...that she still cared.

"He was very lucky to have you in his life. Believe me."

"You know, maybe it's...maybe it's better that warriors like us die heroes on the battlefield, rather than come home and wilt away as forgotten statistics."

"Is that how you feel?" Stella asked, surprised at his lack of confidence.

"Brett felt that way..." Clay said before looking at her. "Sorry. I know this isn't your favorite topic." He quickly apologized, looking down at his hands.

"I can handle it. Please."

"I thought we broke up because you couldn't."

"That's fair. Part of me still thinks that I'd be a lot happier if I'd just kept my shut my mouth and let you get on that plane to Mexico."

"Well, you know what? It's-it's better it happened there on the tarmac than ten years down the road, right?" Clay asked her, scared of her answer.

"Yeah, maybe. I just wonder if I performed emergency surgery on a wound that didn't actually exist." She shrugged. "Uh, I'm assuming that you reached out to Ash to help push, uh, Brett's story?" She said quickly bringing the story back.

"No. Uh, look, my dad's let me down my whole life. Swanny deserves better than that."

"Your dad has a platform on cable news. And as a former SEAL, he can help keep you out of Harrington's crosshairs, I mean, let you get back to the, to the pipe kicking."

"It's door kicking, or pipe hitting." Clay smiled at her.

"Whatever. My alpha-male jargon's a bit rusty. Sorry." She rolled her eyes with a smile.

"You really want me back operating, huh? This your way of telling me you're seeing somebody?"

"Is this your way of asking?" She smirked and when he shrugged she went on, "Stop deflecting on Ash. I'm not sure he'd be willing to help." Clay just shrugged and Stella pushed, "There's only one way to find out."

"Emma is on her way here. Do you uh...you want to get dinner with us?"

"I should go...she..."

"Do you want to get dinner with us?" Clay cut her off with a smile.

"I...sure." Stella smiled, "You sure she won't mind?"

"She told me to tell you I was home." Clay admitted.

"Did she now?" Stella smiled.

"She is my best friend...I know it doesn't make sense but we have been through a lot together and she just..."

"She gets you." Stella smiled. "I've noticed."

* * *

"Havoc, this is 1. Any word on 2?" Jason asked, feeling the weight of his entire team on his shoulders.

"Yeah, negative, 1. But our host country is spinning up its ISR." Eric told him and Jason could hear in his voice that this was just as hard for him as it was for the rest of Bravo.

"Copy that. Bravo 1 out." Jason said, walking back over to the guys, "Finally get some eyes over Ray. First good news since we jumped in."

"I'm telling you, man. I knew this op had bad juju once old fat-head Shaw got on that plane." Sonny grumbled.

"Tell you what, man."

"The cake-eaters are like..." Trent said as he froze in his tracks.

"What?" Jason asked.

"Felt something depress under my right foot. Pretty sure it's a land mine." Trent said feeling his stomach drop.

Looking around quickly Jason tried not to panic. "Nobody move. We're in a minefield."

"No bueno, boys. Land mines are like the sharks of the dirt." Sonny said as he walked closer to it.

"Don't have time for this." Brock said shaking his head.

"I'll figure it out. You guys keep going." Trent told Jason.

"Not gonna happen, Trent." Jason said, he wasn't about to trade one brother for another. They had to find a way to get everyone home and in one piece.

"Go. I'll make it safe myself." Trent said.

"The hell you will, Trent. I've seen you open a beer bottle before. Now, letting you do surgery on a bomb, that's probably gonna turn us into wolf food." Sonny smirked.

"Don't make me laugh, Sonny. I'm literally on a mine."

"Small pressure plate."

"Okay?"

"You step off, and you go boom."

"Guess I won't be stepping off, then."

"Think I have an idea. Give me your hook knife." Jason said.

"Brock, punch that in. Right there. Easy." Jason instructed. "Give me your knife. Tie it off up there." Jason told Sonny.

"Engine." Brock said looking over the ledge.

"Get down and eat dirt." Jason told his team.

"Yep. That ain't no pizza delivery truck." Sonny said seeing the man power and guns that were on the truck.

"Standing out here like a hooker in church, boss." Trent said, fear evident in his voice.

"Come on."

"You want me open up on this technical?"

"No. Any of those bullets hit this minefield, we're gonna be chum. Stay down."

"They're coming in view in ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, - two, one..." Sonny said as Jason and Brock worked on the mine.

"Ready?" Jason asked.

"Yeah." Trent said.

"Go." Jason said and they all jumped away at the same time.

"They're stopping." Sonny said quietly.

"I tell you what, man. I think I won the bodily function bingo on that one." Trent said, finally feeling like he could breathe again.

"We lost a lot of time. We got to go back the way we came. Easy up and out. Come on. Nice and easy, boys. Nice and easy." Jason said, kicking himself for not noticing the minefield before he lead his team straight into it.

* * *

"Hey, Sonny. How much time did we lose going around that minefield?" Jason asked.

"Two hours, give or take."

"Awful long time for Ray to hold out."

"You all right, Jace?"

"Ah. Been riding you guys so hard. Led you right into a minefield."

"You got some superpowers, but X-ray vision ain't one of them. Not your fault."

"Havoc Base to Bravo 1." Jason heard in his ear, breaking him from his train of thought.

"Havoc, this is 1."

"Yeah, ISR just picked up Bravo 2's helmet strobe." Eric told him.

"Copy that. Send us the coordinates."

"A-firm, 1. Sending now. Bravo 1, be advised. ISR also shows enemy moving towards the area where Bravo 2's strobe was spotted."

"Copy that. We'll just have to get to him before they do. Bravo 1 out."

"Jace, unless we grow wings, we ain't getting to him in time." Sonny said, pointing out what everyone already knew.

"I have an idea." Jason smiled as he saw a pack of horses.

* * *

When Emma let herself into Clay's apartment she found Stella sitting on the couch and Clay nowhere in sight. "He's in the bathroom...said he needed to shower." Stella smiled nervously.

"He thinks he still needs help when his leg is tired." Emma told her as she heard the water shut off.

"Is he...?" Stella started to ask.

"He will be back on the team sooner than later. He doesn't actually need help...just makes him feel better to know that he has it if he needs it."

"So you help him?"

"I uh...yeah...when he was in the hospital...we uh...well we don't really have boundaries anymore." Emma laughed.

"Thank you." Stella said, looking down at her hands, "I...I am not as strong as you."

"Clay is my family." Emma shrugged, "And you loved him enough to let him go when you knew you couldn't live this life."

"Yeah." Stella said, looking up at Emma with tears in her eyes.

"He still cares about you." Emma said, "You need to decide if you want this forever or not...almost losing Sonny...getting blown up...losing his best friend and basically his entire unit he was assigned to before Bravo...and then losing Brett...Clay...he is strong but he is human."

"His best friend?" Stella asked.

"Andy and his old unit...I went with him to Cal for the memorial..."

"Oh my God...I knew the name sounded familiar." Stella said barely above a whisper.

"I am going to..." Emma said nodding her head towards the bathroom.

"Uh yeah..." Stella said, trying to blink the tears from her eyes. She had missed so much...it was no wonder Clay seemed so different...it wasn't just getting blown up that she had missed.

"You good?" Emma asked as she let herself into the bathroom.

"Can you uh..." Clay said as he looked down at the side of the tub.

"You don't need me to step over that. There is a bar on the wall." Emma smirked as she reached out her hand to take his as he stepped out, wrapped only in a towel.

"You told her about Andy."

"You are different now than before Mexico. She needs to know it isn't just because of your lazy leg." Emma said as Clay leaned against the counter as he pulled on his boxers under the towel before letting the towel fall to the ground. "You want pants or shorts?" Emma asked him and he just shrugged so she walked out and came back in with his favorite jeans and a 49ers shirt. Emma watched him slide the jeans up in silence, not meeting her eyes. "It is okay for you not to be okay...you know that...right?" Emma asked him and he nodded with a small sniffle. "Seeing her or me telling her about Andy?" Emma asked him.

Seeing his eyes fill with tears when she said Andy's name she had her answer and she turned his shirt upside down and held it out for him to slip his arms through lifting it over his head, pulling it down and straightening it before wrapping her arms around him. "Love you." He whispered as he wrapped his arms around her, leaning his cheek against the top of her head. "I can't shake the feeling that something is wrong but I don't know why." Clay told her as he lifted his head.

Emma squeezed him tight before letting go. "Whatever happens we will get through together."

"You feel it too?" Clay asked.

"Let's go to dinner." Emma said, refusing to answer Clay.

"Yeah...okay." Clay said, as he tried to smile before walking out to the living room.

"If we are doing this then you have to be real with me." Stella said, seeing Clay's smile not reach his eyes.

"Yeah..." Clay said looking down. "I just...when Emm told you about Andy it...it makes it real all over again."

"Clay?" Stella said, "I told you I never stopped caring and I meant it...I just...I don't think I can be a team wife."

Clay felt Emma's hand grab his and he held tight, "Yeah...I know." He said with a sad smile, "I am glad you are here now though."

* * *

"Sonny!" Jason yelled as he came up on Ray's helmet...Ray nowhere in sight.

"Oh, no." Brock said looking down over a steep ledge.

"Ray could've fallen over the edge." Sonny said.

"Where is he?" Jason asked...no body meant he was still alive...he had to still be alive. If he was captured there would have been sign of a struggle.

"There has to be prints somewhere." Sonny mumbled, "Unless he was abducted by aliens."

"Seriously Sonny?"

"Well?" Sonny asked, "I don't see his prints anywhere."

"You need to stop watching the history channel." Brock laughed.

"What do aliens have to do with history?" Jason asked.

"Stupid show on the network Boss." Trent smiled. "Keep looking. He has to be here somewhere."

* * *

"Well, I'm glad you're feeling better. I still don't get why you wouldn't let me see you at the hospital." Ash told Clay later that night at the bar where Clay met him at the urging of both Emma and Stella at dinner.

"I shut myself off from the rest of the world after I got blown up. Didn't, uh, didn't think you'd understand." Clay shrugged.

"My son was hurt. What's to understand?"

"Still getting used to you acknowledging that you have a son." Clay mumbled, feeling very raw and still unable to shake the feeling that something was wrong.

"You know, I always feel like I'm bringing a knife to a gunfight when we're together. What'd you want to see me for, anyway?"

"Brett Swann."

"The team guy that offed himself?" Ash asked.

"He's a friend."

"What was the deal, then? PTSD?"

"He had a traumatic brain injury, and the VA wouldn't treat it 'cause it wasn't documented as a combat injury." Clay said trying not to bite Ash's head off the way he talked about Brett's struggle with mental health and his ultimate death by suicide.

"That's a shame."

"I'm trying to get Brett a Purple Heart. I'm hoping that the military will start acknowledging TBI cases for vets in the same boat as Brett."

With a small chuckle Ash smiled at his son, "Look at you. My son, the maverick, wanting to fight the system."

"It's a worthy fight."

"Military's not gonna want you generating that kind of publicity. That's why I'm here." Ash said, now understanding why his son called.

"I'm, uh You know, nobody knows publicity like you."

"Oh. You want to use my position at the network to push your message."

"It's not a message, it's a mission. Not a lot to ask after you used me for information to keep yourself in that position."

"It's an admirable cause, son, but it's not gonna happen."

"That defeatist attitude It's a good thing we weren't fighting any wars while you were operating." Clay said, now ready to fight.

"You know what, I get it, Clay. I was a crappy father, okay? But even an old frogman like me is only gonna tolerate so much abuse." Ash once again deciding to play the victim.

"Hundreds of thousands of vets suffer from TBI. You could be their voice, their champion. Maybe, maybe this is the war you've been looking for. I just thought maybe you'd want to do something to make your son proud." Clay snapped. "But I should have known better. You only do things that help boost you up...you don't care about anyone else."

"That isn't..." Ash started but Clay cut him off.

"No. I get it...Brett was important to me so you see him as a threat even though he is dead...I just...dammit...I could be Brett." Clay said rushing out the door before the first tear slipped from his eye.

Emma saw him practically running out and she unlocked the car, sliding over to the driver seat, knowing that something had set him off and driving most likely wasn't the best choice. "You tried." she told him as he quickly buckled his seat belt, "We will find another way."

"I don't know why I...?" Clay asked, wiping his face quickly.

"He is your Dad...you hoped he would act like it?" Emma smiled sadly.

"Fucking sucks...my real family is deployed and I am here useless and I can't even talk the one person who is supposed to be there to do anything..."

"Hey!" Emma smiled at him, "I'm sitting right next to you."

"Yeah...and you should be out having fun...not sitting here..." Clay mumbled.

"You can be a real child when you don't get your way." Emma pushed, trying to get Clay to push back. Hearing a grunt she looked over and saw Clay shake his head, leaning it against the cool glass of the window and she reached over and put her hand on his arm, "Family is who you make it and we will find a way."

On the short drive back to Clay's apartment he stared out the window, nodding off but quickly waking with any unexpected movement as his eyes followed the white line as she drove. When she put the car in park he didn't make any move to get out, Emma knew he was awake but lost in his own thoughts and she whispered, "I wish you could see you how I see you."

Earning no response she slowly got out of the Nova and walked up the stairs towards his apartment, hearing his movements a few feet behind she left his front door open after she walked through before sitting down on his couch and picking up the remote. Clay kicked off his shoes and made his way silently to the couch where he laid down and put his head on her lap, feeling instantly comforted by her arm gently resting on his shoulder. "My best friend shouldn't be a high schooler." Clay mumbled.

"Sonny is your best friend." Emma smirked, "And he is almost twice my age."

"What are you then?" Clay mumbled.

"Twin flame." Emma said without missing a beat, running her fingers through his messy hair.

"Twin flame?" Clay asked, rolling onto his back and looking up to her.

"Yup...google it if you want...I read about it in Cosmo and it fits." Emma shrugged.

"What does it mean?" Clay asked her, now intrigued.

"Basically it is someone who was split into two different bodies but shares one soul."

"I thought that was what a soulmate was?"

"No..a soulmate is two souls that are perfectly matched. Twin Flame is one soul two people. It is different."

"So what does it mean?"

"It means that we get each other in a way that cannot be explained, that we were brought together to teach each other powerful lessons, to grow or to heal...that you feel at home when you are with the person and that you feel like you have known them your entire life and..."

"There is more?"

"Considering I just said and before you cut me off, yes there is more." Emma said with a roll of her eyes, "Twin flames bring out the parts of you that you are scared to reach or mirror how you became who you are."

"What does that mean?"

"So like you were raised how you were raised...I was raised..."

"Yeah...so you show me what family is supposed to be."

"Something like that...but it is more, like when my mom died...you knew how to be there for me because you had already been there...and when you got hurt I knew how to push you so you could find yourself again...does that even make sense?"

"Twin flame?" Clay asked, cocking his eyebrow to the side and watching Emma smile sheepishly, "So does that mean we have to get matching tattoos?" Clay teased.

"You think it is dumb." Emma said, a statement and question at the same time.

"Are twin flames supposed to end up together?" Clay asked, surprising her.

After studying his face for a few seconds she smiled softly, "They can but they don't have to...a relationship with twin flames can be volatile and..."

"Like your parents?" Clay smiled, everyone always compared them to her parents but in this case it was true.

Thinking about it for a few seconds she shook her head, "Exactly like them."

"You can feel it too then? That something happened...that is why you turned on the news." Clay said looking over at the tv for the first time and seeing Anderson Cooper's face on the screen.

"Until we get a call then we assume everyone is fine...they are working the problem or whatever the hell it is my dad is always spouting out when Mikey and I can't figure something out."

* * *

"Metal, anything?" Jason asked the man who had made it farther down the hillside than he had.

"Looks like he came down that hill pretty hard."

"How about you?" Jason asked Sonny as the man climbed back up.

"One set of tracks down by the river." Sonny answered.

"All right, look..." Jason said as he took a deep breath trying to steady himself, "Heads on a swivel, boys. Enemy's on to him. We got to get to him before they do. Let's roll. Come on."

Sonny once again found himself next to Jason and just put his hand on the man's shoulder like he had seen Clay do too many times to count."We will find him."

"I know we will find him...I just don't know if he will be alive to see us find him." Jason said, "Let's go."

* * *

"It is getting late." Emma said with a yawn, "I should head home." Clay was half asleep with his head on her lap drawing circles on her arm where it lay across his chest.

"Can I be selfish?" Clay asked and Emma could see the anxiety written across his face.

"If you tell me what is actually making you freak out." Emma said, knowing that it was way more than just being worried about Bravo.

"How do you know...?" Clay started to ask as he sat up, leaning forward so his elbows were on his knees. "Twin flame?"

"I know because I know you. Now talk to me."

"I told Ash I could be Brett." Clay said as he felt his face flush and tears pool in his eyes.

"Okay." Emma said, momentarily frozen as she felt the fear rush through her. "Right now?" She asked him as she turned to face him.

"Yeah...I think so...I mean...I just..." Clay rambled and Emma could see the change in his breathing.

Reaching across and wrapping her hands around his arm she said quietly, "Talk me through it."

"After Stella...and now Stella is back...and then Andy...I just feel that all again." Clay said as he stared intently at his hands.

"Feel that all again?"

"Losing them." Clay said, looking up at Emma, "Brett, Adam and Brian...what happened with Sonny it just...it is heavy and...I want it to stop hurting."

"Do you want to talk or just want me here with you?"

"I don't...I feel stupid...I shouldn't feel like this?"

"Tell me what this feels like." Emma told him gently.

"I see them all...hear our last conversations...watching how they died...I just want it to stop and the only way I know how to make it stop is...to do what Brett did."

"So you don't want to die, you just want the pain to stop?" Emma asked.

"Mmmhmm." Clay said looking at her as a tear fell from his eye.

"Okay." Emma said, determined to help him. "Do you want to be here right now or somewhere else?"

"With you...I don't care." Clay said, instantly scared she wanted to leave.

"I am not leaving you...I am asking if you want us to be somewhere other than your couch."

"Maybe lay down?" Clay said questioningly and Emma quickly took his hands and led him into his bedroom where he sat down at the side of his bed and she crawled up and sat down behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist and leaning her cheek into his back.

"Tell me your favorite thing about Andy." Emma urged, knowing that the loss of his best friend is what started his spiral into the darkness.

"He was my best friend." Clay said and Emma could feel his body start to shake as he cried.

"Have you talked about Andy since we got back from California?"

"To Caitlyn about the kids...growing up without him." Clay said, gripping her arms.

"You ever talk to Sonny about Andy?"

"Don't really talk to Sonny about that kinda thing." Clay shrugged.

"So who do you talk to?"

"No one...you? I uh...most of the time I try to ignore it...like he is just off the grid on a mission or something."

"Part of your rehab is mandatory counseling...you ever talk to them about Andy?"

"No. Only one that ever even got up was Adam...and I just said it sucked...you know?" Clay shrugged, "I mean...we didn't have a long history of serving together and I guess death is a normal part of being on the teams so they just...they didn't ask...I didn't bring it up."

* * *

"I see him! Ray! Jace he is down there!" Sonny yelled as he scrambled down the hillside to get closer to where Ray was on his knees.

"Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on!" Jason yelled, running, climbing, sliding his way down to where he could see his best friend. Seeing Ray drop to his knees as he quit climbing, surrendering to the inevitable Jason could hear his voice in his head, his best friend praying... "Ray, get down!" He yelled as the rest of Bravo took out the men that were climbing up to catch him and he saw Ray fall onto his back as he scrambled the rest of the way to his best friend. Pulling him into his chest he mumbled, "Ray. I got you." As his best friend choked out sobs, not quite believing he was still alive.

Feeling the arms of his best friend envelope around him he found it hard to breathe...he was safe. They had found him. He could hear Jason ask if he was okay, if he was hurt...all he could do was nod.

"All right. You hurt?" Jason asked again.

"I thought I was gonna die." Ray finally was able to tell him as Bravo continued to shoot until all of the enemy fire was quieted.

"Yeah, so did I."

Jason practically pulled Ray up the hill as he yelled into comms, "Havoc, this is 1. We have 2. We're low on ammunition and need immediate extract."

"Bravo 1, we have an exfil plan. The ridge directly to your south. You need to be on it, and fast." Jason heard Eric's voice tell them as they continued up the steep hillside to the ridgeline.

"Copy. We're heading up there now."

Not two minutes later the team saw an Indian Helo flying over and Jason knew...he knew that Mandy had called in a bigger favor than she ever should have but right then he didn't care. His best friend was still alive. His team was safe. He knew Mandy well, and knew that whatever the consequences she wouldn't care. He knew that she had done this for him, she knew that he would not have survived losing Ray.

* * *

"Sorry about last night." Clay said, rolling over to see Emma's face staring back at him sleepily.

"Never be sorry for being human." Emma said sitting up.

"Will you really always be here?" Clay asked her, watching as she got out of his bed to head for the bathroom.

"You are the operator Buddy." Emma smirked, "You will have to come visit me in New York."

"Don't know what I am going to do when you aren't here anymore."

"You will come to New York." Emma smiled before closing the bathroom door.

"New York...it is so far." Clay yelled after her.

"Not you too...Dad is freaking out enough for everyone." she yelled back.

* * *

Once Bravo Team was safely back on the ground Jason hooked his arm around Ray's shoulder and pulled him into him. "I'm sorry." He said and Ray wrapped his arms around his best friend and felt the tears falling from his eyes.

"I thought I was dead." Ray told him, once again finding it hard to breathe.

"Saw you praying Mr. Perry." Sonny said walking up to them and squeezing Ray's shoulder, "That mean the real Ray Perry is back?"

"Shut up Sonny." Jason snapped, but Sonny saw the smile in his eyes, he had seen the same thing.

"Would love to continue this little reunion Boys but Shaw has other plans for you." Eric said walking up to them.

"Is that shit head really going to split up Bravo for saving Ray?" Sonny asked Jason as soon as Eric was out of hearing range.

"Not if I have any say over it." Jason told the guys as he tried to remain positive for them...knowing that staying together would take a miracle and after the year they have had another miracle was not likely.


	36. Chapter 36

"How was your morning?" Emma asked Clay when she called after work.

"Better than last night but still feels like my head is in a cloud." Clay told her as he packed up his sweaty clothes into his bag to bring home to wash. His life pretty much consisted of working out all the time and as nice as it was to have his leg mostly working he still couldn't feel it and was worried that no matter how far he got in PT it would never be good enough to be fully back on the teams.

"Have you heard anything about Bravo today?" Emma asked him, knowing her best chance of getting answers with whether or not her family was okay would be through him...at least he is on base.

"No...people have been running around more than usual but no one has said anything." Clay said shrugging, "Still feel like something isn't right but I don't know."

"You want to do something for dinner tonight?"

"Uh, yeah, I can. Want me to pick up tacos after I am done here?" Clay asked her, thankful that he wouldn't have to go home alone quite yet and knowing that she would be eating alone if he wasn't there...it made him feel at least a tiny bit useful when he otherwise felt useless.

"Yeah. I will be here...going through and getting stuff packed up...saw one of mom's old coworkers pulling out of the driveway when I was turning onto the street. Pretty sure Dad has been talking to them and is going to sell sooner than later."

"When does Mikey get back from camp?"

"Right before Bravo is scheduled to come home...so a few days." Emma said with a sigh, "He told me he didn't want to come home...that it is easier to be happier there than it is at home."

"Ouch." Clay said, knowing that Emma would take a comment like that personal...but also knowing where he was coming from. "You feel the same?"

"Well the house sure isn't the same without my Mom...but it is home...if we don't have it...I dunno...everything is just so different...do I even have a home home anymore?"

"Home is wherever your family is...it doesn't have to be a house...or even a city...it is where you feel loved and safe."

"Look at you getting all sappy." Emma said with a smile.

"Whatever. I will see you in a few hours." Clay said, pocketing his phone with a smile.

* * *

"Hey, Ray. How you feeling?" Jason asked as he let himself into the exam room where Ray was being checked out and bandaged up.

"Hey. Uh a few scratches, few bruises, but I'll be ready to go when we reload on Khan." Ray was quick to tell him.

"Not asking about the elbow." Jason said, knowing full well that Ray was likely to throw the same question back at him.

"I know." Ray answered instead, looking down to his shoes...the two of them needing this conversation a long time ago but they were gifted with today and knowing that tomorrow was not guaranteed now was when that conversation was going to happen.

"Give us a minute, will you?" Jason said to the medic that was working on him.

"How am I feeling?" Ray said, feeling tears sting the back of his eyes.

"Yeah. How are you feeling?" Jason said knowing that as a friend he had failed the one man who had been there no questions asked to help him through all of his worst moments.

"Feel like I've never seen a more beautiful sunset than the one I saw tonight. Feel like I've never wanted to see my family more than I want to see them right now. And I feel like I don't deserve my teammates who marched through hell to come save me." There is was, his last sentence, his voice wavering as the tears filled his eyes. Reality was in their line of work they had no guarantees, no one sure to follow through, to save their ass...but today that brotherhood was shown...and Ray knew that it wasn't just his, or their job on the line but the entire team risked their lives to save him.

"Really thought you were gonna die on that mountain." Jason told him, knowing that Ray knew how deep that one sentence ran.

"I did die. Part of me, anyway. I was almost lost for good, brother. Told this woman I was holed up with I'd kill her if she made a sound. I scared her, but I terrified myself. Mostly because I believed I'd do it. Knew I was digging my own grave if I let her go, but, Jace, something happened and I realized she was sent to me. That woman was my salvation." Ray said, knowing he sounded crazy...but also knowing that if anyone was going to understand it was going to be his brother...his best friend.

"She was your salvation? How's that?

"It just hit me. I'd rather die being the man Naima loved than live as the man she found." Ray said simply and Jason nodded, understanding at once what he meant.

"I know Mexico denying that guy's last rites, it..." Jason tried to apologize, knowing at least part of what lead Ray down the path was under his order.

"Hey. That wasn't you, man, that was me."

"I know how hard that was on you, and I should have been there for you, and I wasn't." Jason said, feeling his own guilt over the last year weighing heavy on his shoulders.

"You were when you marched your ass over that damn mountain to come save me. And that's all that matters." Ray said knowing that now that all cards were on the table and there wouldn't be the same separation that had been there since Mexico.

"No brother left behind." Jason said, knowing that with Ray all things had been forgiven, that as long as the two of them were good they could find a way through.

"Amen."

"That's right." Jason said as he pulled Ray into him.

"Now do we need to have that same conversation flipped? I know you haven't been right since Alana died...raising the kids, the team...losing Adam...Clay...what happened with Brett...I haven't pushed as much as I should have."

"Not on you Ray." Jason told him. "Just a lot going on is all...have to find a way to work the problem."

"Don't have to work it alone anymore Brother." Ray smiled at Jason waving the medic back in to finish what he was doing so he could go back to his team.

* * *

Clay was shocked to see Ash Spencer's name flash on his phone mere seconds after he hung up with Emma but that was his dad...you never knew what you were going to get...if you got anything at all. So when his father told him to rush over to the station Clay did just that...he had no idea what Ash had done but it was something to boost himself up...but if it meant that Brett would get what he deserved, well he really didn't care.

"That's right. Back in five, four, three I'm pleased to be joined by Ash Spenser, former Navy SEAL and author of the best-selling book The Man behind the Myth. Welcome."

"It's an absolute honor to be here, Patty, speaking about an American hero that your audience most likely has never heard of. Brett Swann."

"Brett is the former Navy SEAL who recently took his own life in the parking lot of a VA campus?"

"That's correct. One among 19 veterans who have committed suicide on VA campuses from 2017 till now." Ash said and Clay cringed, he hated that phrase...committed...implying that Brett did something wrong when he didn't...but that really wasn't the point of what he was there for...Brett's name was now on national television...people would know he died a hero.

"What do you call that?"

"Acts of protest. Wake-up calls."

"Right, I-I guess what I'm asking, Ash, is, did Brett do what he did because he was suffering from traumatic brain injury?"

"Brett committed suicide because he couldn't get treatment for his TBI. And that's a crime. A national disgrace." Ash answered as he glanced over at Clay who had a hard time keeping his jaw off the floor...his dad had just done the impossible...if those words had come out of his mouth his career would be over...but Ash's career as a team guy was over... but just as quickly as he mentioned Brett the attention was turned back onto himself and his book.

"Is this your second book?" Patty asked him.

"That's correct." Ash answered and Clay's mind wandered as the two of them talked about the exaggerated tales his father had told in order to keep his publisher happy.

* * *

"There he is, ladies and gentlemen." Jason said as he walked into the barracks with Ray to find the guys sitting around. "Bravo 2 is back in the fold."

"Hey, how you feeling, buddy?" Sonny smiled when Jason and Ray walked back into their barracks.

"I, uh - grateful for all you boys did for me." Ray said as he looked around the room.

"Mm-hmm." Jason smiled.

"Hate I put you in that position." Ray continued.

"Do it again if we have to." Trent said from his seat on the couch.

"Well, no doubt, but, if you do go missing again, can we please do it in a less vertical environment? Because my legs, they, they are killing me right now." Sonny joked, glad to see the smiles on his brothers faces.

"Hurt? Like that? That hurt?" Jason said leaning over where Sonny was propped in the camp chair and squeezing his leg.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on, now." Sonny begged with a smile on his face.

"Thank God for those horses." Brock said as he moved around, half asleep in the recliner.

"Oh, you know, I'm actually pissed off that I missed Sonny in his element." Ray smiled.

"In his element, man?" Jason laughed.

"Yeah." Sonny piped up.

"He's definitely no Clint Eastwood on a horse. More like a koala bear on a mule." Jason teased, standing behind Sonny.

"What the hell you talking about, man? I was doing things on that animal that you city boys can't even comprehend." Sonny tried to interject.

"Sonny can't ride." Trent told Ray as he sat down next to him.

"No, he can't ride?" Ray asked.

"What? I can ride just fine, I just I'm not a fan of those furry, demonic quadrupeds." Sonny said, crossing his arms and shaking his head.

"Oh, a cowboy that hates horses." Ray laughed. "I don't get it, I don't get it."

"A frogman who hates water." Jason teased.

"You two are a hell of a lot more entertaining when you punch each other." Sonny mumbled.

"I mean, look, hey, you could've been Full Metal. He fell off at least, what, twice?" Jason smiled towards Full Metal.

"What? I was demonstrating the classic horse warfare combat dismount. Y'all should've been taking notes." Full Metal laughed.

"All right, here we go." Eric said as he walked into the room.

"So, we cleared hot to go get Khan?" Jason asked.

"Khan's in the wind. Entire compound's been vacated. Look, fellas, Commander Shaw's gonna recommend that Bravo Team be split up when we get back from Virginia Beach. I'm sorry. I wanted you to hear it from me first." Eric told them, looking first to Jason.

"Uh-uh. Guy's got no right." Jason argued before walking out.

Hearing Sonny mumble as he walked out of the room, "I wouldn't trade Shaw's position for all the tri-tip in the world."

He stormed to the room where he saw Shaw standing with a handful of other cake eaters and debated going in there and killing the man with his bare hands before he caught Mandy's eye and he spun on his heels heading straight for the garage bay where he dropped to his knees, silently praying for another miracle...he couldn't lose his family. Not when they had gone through hell and back just to keep them all alive. Feeling eyes on him a few minutes later he knew it was Mandy...no one else would dare to come into the room. "Shaw's out of his mind. I'll do whatever I can. Exhaust my Rolodex. People owe me favors." Mandy told him, knowing what losing Bravo would do to the man in front of her.

"You know what, maybe you should spend some more time watching your own six." Jason said standing up and turning around, "Indian helo appears out of nowhere. You must have pulled some strings for that one."

"Some strings, something like that, yeah." Mandy said, knowing that she was likely to be dumped into some cubicle somewhere and not caring because for once she knows she saved the life of good men.

"That's gonna cost you."

"Jason. A lot of things we do in this job keep me up at night, but risking it to save you guys is not gonna be one of them. Are you gonna be okay?"

"Okay? I just blew up my team."

"You saved Ray's life."

"Yeah, right after I almost ruined my relationship with him. You know, Mandy, I just spent months convincing myself that everything is just fine, that everything's okay, despite everything that's gone on in my life. My wife dying. Adam getting blown up. Brett, Clay. You know, Mandy, maybe it's just me who's falling apart and taking my team with me." He said, finally looking at her, surprised that all of that had actually come out of his mouth voluntarily.

"You're being too hard on yourself." Mandy told him simply, what Jason needed right now was definitely not codling...at least not when he needed to go up against Shaw to save Bravo...she would save that for once they were home...for if Bravo really was split up.

"Am I? Am I?" Jason said, feeling the room spin around him as he struggled to maintain control.

Walking up and standing in Jason's face she calmly told him, "I have never seen anyone adapt so effortlessly on the battlefield. You can do that off the field, too. You just have to decide to."

"I don't know. I don't know how." Jason said, looking to her for help...she was always the one who could get through to him...but instead she turned to walk out. "Where you going?" Jason yelled after her.

"Find Khan. Hung around you long enough to know one thing."

Looking to Mandy in complete awe he asked, "What's that?"

"We're never out of the fight." Mandy answered. If she found Khan, they were the only ones there and Shaw would have to send them after him...if she got him then maybe there was a chance of them staying a team...a chance...Mandy had found him his chance.

* * *

"Patty. Such a pleasure. Nice to see you again." Ash said as he walked towards Clay, "So, what'd you think?"

"I think Swanny couldn't ask for a better advocate." Clay told him, not knowing what else to tell his father.

"Take a real cold-hearted bastard not to give him a Purple Heart now." Ash said as he put his arm around his son, leading him away from the stage.

"Thanks for stepping up." Clay said.

Before Ash had a chance to respond his phone started buzzing in his pocket, "One second. Spenser here. Congressman Zuckerman. Oh, you saw it? Yes, sir, it's hugely important. No, I-I can do that. Absolutely. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Congressman Zuckerman from the Armed Forces Committee?" Clay asked in unbelief.

"This guy draws a lot of water, Clay. Could be just the guy we need to fast-track that Purple Heart for Brett. All because of you, kid." Before Clay had a chance to answer his father's phone rang again...and again...and somewhere between the third and forth calls Clay just walked away.

Sitting down in his car he blinked away the tears as he drove straight to Emma's house.

"Where are the tacos?" Emma started to ask as she turned around, stopping when she saw the look on Clay's face, "What happened?"

"Ash...he uh...he stepped up..."

"That's great!" Emma said happily wrapping her arms around Clay's neck where he buried his face into her shoulder. "We will get you through this." Emma said as she felt his body shake as he gripped onto her and he felt him nod his head this was not just about Brett...it was so much more...she could feel just how overwhelmed Clay was with life and she knew that the only way to bring him down was to hold him...talking it out...that wasn't going to help. In the moment everything was just too much.

Once Clay had relaxed, Emma ordered a pizza the two of them sat down on the couch to watch Harry Potter. "Opp went sideways. Ray got separated from the rest of the team...they had to throw it in order to go get him...Shaw is pissed...but everyone is okay from what I heard today." Clay told her.

"Ray?"

"He is okay." Clay told her and watched as she nodded slowly.

"Is my Dad okay?"

"Haven't talked to anyone from the team...just heard chatter as I was leaving." Clay told her.

"Did you try to call?"

"Phones all go straight to voicemail."

"Even Mandy's?"

"You have Mandy's number?" Clay asked, surprised, even he didn't have her number.

"Yeah...I am only suppose to use it in emergencies but she gave it to me just in case..."

"I don't think this constitutes an emergency." Clay smiled at her.

"Is Davis back in town yet?" Emma asked him.

"Haven't seen her if she is...should be soon though. Her training was set to finish this week but I don't know where she is going to be sent...Bravo isn't a guarantee."

"She said she would be here when Bravo comes home though?"

"Yeah. She might be back now, I just haven't heard from her in a couple days." Clay shrugged.

* * *

"It's hard to believe we might never go outside the wire together again." Ray said as the team walked down the tarmack to where Mandy was walking towards them, having just stepped out of a Jeep.

"Shaw's got his head so far up his cake-eating ass." Sonny grumbled, "Hate to see what the world's like without Bravo in it."

"Indian intel source places Khan in Lahore tonight for a high-level meeting." Mandy told the boys.

"I hate to be a buzzkill, Mandy, but Shaw grounded us." Ray reminded her.

"Indians can't escalate their standoff with Pakistan. We're the closest American unit in the theater. This call will be above Shaw's head." Mandy smiled at Jason.

"One last rodeo. Bravo rides again." Jason smiled first at Mandy, then at his brothers, thankful that Mandy had once again saved him.

* * *

"Indian intelligence received confirmation from an embedded agent: Khan stayed local, and is holding a meeting tonight to coordinate a multipronged attack, likely in retaliation for being targeted." Mandy told the team.

"Gentlemen, this continues to be an extremely volatile situation. The entire region is on high alert, both sides of the border." Eric told the team.

And an urban environment means even less of a margin of error. This needs to be a flawless operation." Shaw interrupted.

"The target building sits in the middle of the city, in the timber district." Mandy added.

"Populated area means lots of eyes and ears. Attracting any unwanted attention will send this op sideways in a hurry. Zero footprint on this one." Eric said as he looked at the map.

"All right, now that everybody's ears are up, it's gonna be tough sneaking into Pakistan under their noses." Jason said, standing up.

"Yeah. An industrial zone is fed by a river that runs into Lahore from India." Ray pointed out.

"We'll swim in?" Jason asked.

"Yeah, swim." Ray nodded.

"Khan is a treasure trove of intelligence. This could be the most significant capture since KSM." Mandy told them.

"Capture?" Sonny asked, "Uh-uh. We're toe-tagging that son of a bitch for what he did to Bravo 6." Sonny practically growled.

"Listen, I know you all want justice for Clay, but Bravo could win a lot of friends at the Pentagon and at Langley if you bring Khan in alive." Mandy said, looking only at Jason...if Jason saw what she was trying to do the rest of the team would fall in line. Bringing Khan in alive would keep Bravo together, any less...they were done.

"Capture it is." Jason said, staring at Mandy who gave him a slight nod.

* * *

"Saw your dad on TV last night." Harrington said as he walked into the cages where Clay was getting ready to leave for the night.

"Oh, what's he grandstanding about now?" Clay asked sarcastically.

"Brett Swann."

"That right?"

"Yes, that is right. It's ironic how your father picked up the very fight that I ordered you to put down."

"Yes, sir." Clay challenged.

"Good frogman uses every tool in their kit to succeed. I hope Ash gets Swanny what he deserves." Harrington smiled at him before walking out.

Clay didn't realize he had been holding his breath until the man was gone and he fell to the nearest crate. "Holy shit." He mumbled after catching his breath.

* * *

"Contact's here. Gear up." Jason ordered the next night as they were getting out of their dive gear. Watching as they climbed into a beat up old painters van before pulling out of the garage under the darkness of night.

The team knew that this was their last chance...that if even one tiny thing went sideways they would never be on the same team again. By the book, yes sirs and command titles and all. They knew this wasn't a game. As both Eric and Mandy listened in on overwatch they were elated that the opp went off perfectly.

Once the team was back to their plane Mandy immediately downloaded all photos the team had taken and took that info straight to Shaw. "Commander Shaw, we just confirmed that Bravo killed four of the most wanted terrorists in the region tonight." Mandy managed to tell Commander Shaw with a straight face, annoyed that the man had flown there to watch the mission fail in person...only Bravo was better than that. Bravo was as good as their reputation led people to believe. Bravo got the job done.

* * *

"Tell you what, Shaw's got some pair, hitching a ride with us." Ray said as he reached into the cooler to grab a beer.

"We should give Commander Yoko Nono the Argentinian elevator treatment." Sonny said once Bravo was in the air headed back to Guam.

"I tell you what, Shaw's gonna be headed for a long-neck enema if he tries to turn this plane dry." Jason said as he opened his own beer.

"Yeah, well, I don't think he's gonna be interested in tangling with you. Shaw just got his legs cut out from under him." Eric told the team.

"You want to tell me what in the hell you're talking about?" Sonny asked.

"What I'm saying is, is that in addition to capturing Khan, you boys just took out four of the most wanted terrorists in the region. Shaw is gonna get laughed out of D. C. if he tries to take out Bravo." Eric smiled.

"Looks like the band ain't breaking up any time soon, 'cause we're back." Jason said standing up and raising a beer.

"Look, we've taken our share of lumps this deployment. Some of 'em were self-inflicted, but you guys kept pulling yourselves up off the mat. In the end we took out the son of a bitch who took out Clay." Eric said raising a bottle next to Jason. "Never out of the fight."

"Never out of the fight." All of Bravo Team repeated.

"Cheers to that." Ray smiled.

"Cheers, bud." Sonny said.

"Cheers." Jason smiled as he turned to Mandy and mouthing a silent thank you.

* * *

"Hey. How'd it go with the congressman?" Clay asked Ash as he sat down next to him at the bar over lunch.

"That man can talk." Ash said before turning to the bartender, "Can I get a whiskey on the rocks, make it a double?"

"Isn't it a little early for a double?" Clay asked.

"Politicians will do that to you."

"So? What, is he, is he gonna push for the Purple Heart for Brett?"

"Congressman Zuckerman definitely views Brett's case as an opportunity to spread the word about the need to change the way that we treat our vets, but the only change that clown is really interested in is moving his ass to the Senate."

"Yeah, well, doing what's right and self-promotion aren't mutually exclusive."

"Zuckerman made it clear if the military were to start retroactively awarding Purple Hearts, it'll just open up all kinds of floodgates for legal issues, creating huge financial burdens."

"Brett's not getting a Purple Heart."

"No, he's not, but I'm gonna keep banging on the drum."

"Maybe it's time to let it go."

"I'm not letting it go. In a few years you're gonna be a vet. I'm not gonna let you suffer the same fate. And, look, I want this for Swann. I want this for all the vets. But mostly I want it for you."

"Thanks, Dad." Clay told him, not sure how much he wanted to put his heart on his sleeve.

"Bravo comes home today." Ash told Clay, "You officially cleared to be back on the team?"

"Was never off Bravo...and yeah. Davis is taking me to get the final clearance to be active again...she should be here any minute."

"Jason's kid...Emma...she isn't taking you?"

"Mikey got back last night, she is spending time with him and we didn't think he would want to spend the day in the VA." Clay shrugged, looking over and seeing Davis walk in.

"Ready to go?" She asked, walking over and ignoring Ash.

"Yeah." Clay smiled nervously at her before looking towards his father.

"I've got this. You go. Good luck." He smiled.

"Thanks for trying." Clay said before following Lisa out to her car.

"He couldn't get Brett the heart?" Lisa asked once they were in the car, she could recognize Clay's pouty face the second she had walked into the bar.

"No...he said he isn't giving up though...we'll see. Just feel like I failed him...you know?"

"Emma told me you have been having a hard time...you know I am here if you need to talk...right?"

"Emma told you?" Clay asked, surprised that Emma would share something with anyone.

"She just said between your leg and Brett things haven't been easy...asked me to keep an eye out is all." Lisa told him with a smile. "What do you tell that poor girl?" She asked with a chuckle when she saw Clay visibly relax.

"I uh...I told her I could be Brett." Clay said, looking at Lisa and waiting for her reaction.

"I am sure a lot more went into that conversation." Lisa told him, "You know you can always call me...I know it is easier for you to talk to her...two of you are freakishly connected...but I've got you." She said and Clay was thankful that she didn't pry.

"I am scared that the doc won't clear me since I still can't feel my leg." Clay told her, finding the guts to open up even more as she put the car into park.

"You will get cleared." Lisa smiled, "Let's go...we don't want to be late." She smiled at him.

* * *

"All right, let's go, boys. Wheels up America in 15 minutes." Sonny said with a grin that spread ear to ear as he wheeled his bag towards the door.

"Relax, Sonny. Freedom bird ain't going nowhere without us." Ray told him with a shake of his head.

"Yeah, and technically we're in America right now, dumbass." Brock laughed.

"Ugh, just go back to not talking, Brock." Sonny groaned.

"Man, look at you. I ain't seen you grinning like that for months, Ray." Sonny smiled at Ray as he watched him pack up the last of his things.

"Oh man, that's my "18 hours from kissing my babies" grin." Ray smiled, a grin even bigger than Sonny's attached to his face.

"Yeah. Must be nice to have somebody to come home to." Sonny told him.

"Yeah, just hope I get a warm welcome." Ray said, his grin turning into a nervous grimace.

"Oh, you weren't exactly husband of the year in this deployment, but then again, you didn't cross any lines of fatal variety." Sonny assured him. "Naima will have your back, like she always does."

"Hope so." Ray shrugged.

"Ha. Look at you, huh." Jason smiled seeing Sonny's bags packed and totally ready to go, "Usually I got to drag Sonny out of the sandbox."

"Aw, come on, I just want to get back and see Clay and reunite the team." Sonny told the boys.

"Sonny's got deployment fever. What's her name?" Jason smiled.

"Yeah, and not her dancer name." Trent laughed.

"Yeah. Oh, man, I just want to get the hell off this cursed island. Let's go, boys." Sonny said shaking his head as he led his team...his family out the door for the last time.

* * *

Before Clay was even out of the doctors office he was texting Emma. "We meeting her before?" Lisa asked him when he finally put his phone down.

"No. She is spending time with Mikey...we will meet her there." Clay shrugged. "You excited to have Sonny back home?" Clay asked her with a knowing smile and knowing she would change the subject.

"It's not like that." She tried to tell him.

"Whatever you say Davis, but I've never seen Sonny take himself out of the game voluntarily before the two of you started spending more time together." Clay teased her as she drove towards the airstrip.

The closer they got the bigger the smiles came on both of their faces, their boys were coming home...their family would once again all be in the same place at the same time. Clay was halfway out of the car before she even had it in park and she called out to him, lifting his cane towards him, "Hey!" Lisa smiled at Clay, she knew he was officially done with the cane.

"No, I'm good." Clay smiled.

"Oh." Lisa smiled, the doctor had told him he didn't need it anymore a few weeks ago but he still liked to keep it with him, just in case...guess now that the boys are back in town he didn't need the thing anymore. Smiling she got out of the car and walked towards Emma and Mikey, following Clay as he practically ran over. "Damn, you look so grown up." Lisa said as she pulled Emma into a hug.

"Oh, don't remind my dad." Emma smiled, thankful that Lisa was finally back in town.

"What's going on, buddy? How's it going, dude, huh?" Clay asked Mikey with a smile when he walked over to him.

"I'm good." He answered with a nervous smile. "How's your leg?"

"It's good. Leg's gonna be fine." Clay smiled before looking up and seeing the team walking towards them.

"Yeah?" He started to ask but then looked up to see his dad walking towards them and took off for his Dad, Emma close behind.

"Ah. Look at you. Ah!" Jason smiled as his kids ran into his arms. When he let go he looked up to see Ray walking towards his car just as Jason called out, "Ray. Where's Naima?"

"I, uh I didn't tell her I was coming home today. I need to go to her. I owe her that much." He said.

"It's gonna be good." Jason told his best friend.

"Hope so." Ray told him before quietly slipping away in his car.

"Look at you, cowboy." Sonny smiled at Clay as he pulled him in for a hug.

"What's going on?" Clay asked, his cheeks burning, not used to smiling in so long.

"Ah, yeah. We got that guy that de-Playgirled your leg." Sonny told him.

"That doesn't surprise me." Clay smiled.

"Yeah. Alive." Sonny said quickly and Clay knew there was more to the story than that.

"Now, that surprises me." He said.

"Sonny Quinn." Lisa smiled, pulling Sonny away from Clay and Clay was quickly passed around the rest of Bravo.

"Ah, look at you, looking pretty damn good for a cake-eater." Clay heard Sonny tell Lisa before his attention went to Trent and Brock.

Once he was passed around he heard Jason's voice from behind him, "Hey, Sunshine. Look at you." Clay quickly went into his arms, inhaling the smell of home as Jason held him longer than he had his own kids. Hell, he didn't know if he would ever get to see him alive again...and despite the fact that he had talked to him on facetime a few times it just wasn't the same.

Emma pushed them to the truck with Mikey saying something about Tacos but all Jason could focus on was that Clay was alive and well...and walking without a cane or any crutches. "I am fine. Really." Clay smiled as he took his place in the front passenger seat of the truck, Emma right behind him.

"He can't feel part of his leg but he is good to go. Full range of motion and everything." Emma smiled as she was quick to rattle off what Clay had told her over text less than an hour before.

"Can't feel it?" Jason asked confused.

"Doctor says it is normal." Clay shrugged.

"But you are okay?" Jason asked again as he pulled out, the rest of Bravo already long gone.

"I'm fine Jace." Clay smiled, feeling Emma's hand on his shoulder. "Let's get tacos."

* * *

"Hey." Emma smiled as she walked into the dining room a couple days later to find her Dad sitting in the dark.

"Hey." Jason answered, holding a photo of her brother in his hand.

"Remember how Mikey hated being away from home? All he does now is talk about how great Bridon is." Emma said, anxiety creeping into her chest at where this conversation was quickly going.

"Yeah." Jason said, resigned to what he knew he needed to do for his kids. "Mm. His coach called me. They want him to, uh, stay the summer and train there." Jason told his daughter.

"What? You'd let him stay?" Emma asked surprised, excited for Mikey but also scared for her Dad.

As he held out the photo to show Emma even though she was the one who put the photo there. "Look how happy he is. I just want him to be happy."

"It's too expensive. You can't afford it." Emma reminded him, knowing that he was about to tell her the house was going up for sale.

"Got it figured out." Jason told her, looking down at his hands.

"But you'll be alone." Emma told him.

"Yeah. Maybe sooner than I'd like." Jason said, looking up at his daughter.

"What?" Emma asked, now even more confused.

With a nervous smile Jason told Emma, "Been looking into Tisch's summer program. And it's a great opportunity to work with incoming freshmen and work with, uh, visiting faculty."

"You sound like a brochure." She smiled back.

"What? Saw it on the website, and And I think it'd be good for you." Jason told her, looking towards the kitchen and not at her face.

"I don't understand. You've been fighting me going to college this whole time." Emma said, worried that maybe her Dad had gone off the deep end or something.

"Emma, you know, my job is to protect people. It's what I do. And with you, you know, going off to college, being so far away, I'm thinking, how am I supposed to protect you?"

"Protect me from what?"

"Don't know. Bad choices, bad people, things happening, you getting hurt, but that's not rational. It's not rational. You know, that kind of fear just eats you up inside, and it's undermining, and I don't want my fear to ruin your future."

"You just woke up one day in Guam and figured that all out?" Emma asked in awe at her father.

"I just woke up and I decided to work the problem, and I'm I'm gonna work the problem." Jason shrugged, trying not to hyperventilate before Emma jumped towards him wrapping him in a tight hug.

"Love you." Emma told him and Jason pulled her down onto his lap and held her, allowing a few silent tears to fall from his eyes.

"You have already packed most of the house for me, how long have you known?" Jason asked her.

"I saw Mom's old boss leaving the house a few weeks ago." Emma told him before asking, "Where will you go?"

"I will get an apartment on base...will go visit you and Mikey when I am home and for holidays...I don't know...I thought we could just go to Grandma Linda's."

"Won't you be lonely?" Emma asked, leaning her head on her Dad's shoulder.

"I've got Bravo to keep me company." Jason shrugged, "It shouldn't be up to you to take care of me...besides, you have spent the last year taking care of Mikey and Clay. You need to put yourself first this time."

"You talking about me again?" Clay asked as he let himself into the house.

"Hey Pretty Boy." Jason said, looking behind him where Clay was now standing, "I just told Emma I want her to go to Tisch's summer program."

"That starts in like two weeks, doesn't it?" Clay asked.

"How do you know when it starts?" Emma asked, standing up and crossing her arms.

"I uh...I may have..." Clay stumbled over his words.

"Kid sent me the info about it last night."

"You are the reason he suddenly changed his mind?" Emma asked with a huge smile.

"Hey now, I think I get the credit for this one." Jason said, crossing his arms and trying not to smile, seeing Emma smiling right in front of him she looked so much like Alana. "I worked the problem."

"You both...you...how did you know I would want to go to the summer program?"

"We know you." Jason and Clay said at the same time.

"What about you?" Emma said, looking at Clay, "And you?" She said looking to her Dad.

"Bachelors living the single life." Jason shrugged and Clay laughed.

"You are freaking ridiculous." Emma said rolling her eyes.

"So does that mean you are actually selling the house?" Clay asked Jason.

"I think it is the best solution...can't get the numbers to line up any other way." Jason shrugged.

"What are you going to do with the car?" Clay asked him.

"Will get a storage unit until I figure out something...but there isn't a reason to have a house this big when it is only me living in it and I am gone most of the time."

"We still going to have dinner here after Brett's service tomorrow?" Clay asked.

"Until the last box is moved out...this is home." Emma told Clay, reaching out and taking his hand.

"You planned the service?" Jason asked Emma who nodded.

"Couple calls with his sister and Harrington. Pretty basic but I think it would be what Brett would want." Clay said, squeezing Emma's hand, "Just wish he could get his purple heart."

Looking at Clay and Emma with their hands squeezed tight Jason looked down at his own hands, "Where you staying tonight Kid?"

"Emma is going to take me home, we are going to get some of Brett's things to give to his sister..."

"Then we will be back here." Emma said as she let go of Clay's hand to put her arm around him, "Also, fun fact, all of you need to be clean shaven because you have to wear your dress blues."

"I am going to go meet Mandy. Two of you be here when I get back?" Jason asked, standing up.

"Can be." Clay said.

"You okay?" Emma asked her Dad, walking over to him as he stood up.

"Trying to be Kiddo." Jason told her as he kissed the top of her head as he looked at Clay who nodded sadly.

* * *

"What are you doing in there?" Emma asked when Clay had been in his bathroom for a half hour. When she didn't get an answer she walked over and opened the door, "I'm coming in."

Seeing him in front of the mirror, razor out to shave but still with a beard on his face, his gaze was locked on his purple heart that sat on the counter next to his trident pin. "Is it wrong for me to give him mine?" Clay asked, turning his head to face her.

"I think that would be quite the show you would be putting on for the cake eaters that will be there." Emma said as she gently touched his arm, "I think Brett would get a kick of of it."

"I just...he deserves it more than I do."

"I have all your stuff ready to go. Do you want to shave now or in the morning?" Emma asked him as she picked up his electric shaver, putting it on the lowest setting aside from being clean shaven and she turned it on, looking at him questioningly he nodded and she hopped up and sat down on the counter, her standing between her legs and she shaved his beard. When she turned off the shaver he immediately dropped his head to her shoulder and she held him.

This was real. Brett was gone. It could just as easily be him they were burying. "She wants me to speak tomorrow." Clay said, knowing that Emma already knew. "I just feel like I failed him."

"You are the right person to share his story. You knew him probably better than anyone...and you know what it feels like to be where he was. Not everyone knows what that feels like." Emma said as she put her hand on his cheek, stroking it softly with her thumb.

"I would feel better if you could be with me there tomorrow." Clay told her as he took a shaky breath in.

"I will be there, you know that."

"I meant next to me."

"You will be fine." Emma smirked.

"You ready to get back home?" Clay asked her, walking out into his bedroom.

* * *

"In my Father's house are many mansions. If it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also." The minister said before calling Clay up to the front of the church.

Taking a look to where he knew Emma was sitting and focused on her. "What can I say about Brett Swann that we don't already know? Brett was he was a great man. Check. To me this moment isn't about Brett. It's about failure. Brett took his own life. That's not why his life is over. He was found in a parking lot, but he didn't die there. He died in Afghanistan with his best friend Nicky. Every moment that Brett was living past that contact, he was only sleepwalking, because he was hurt and he was changed. I know because I was there for the last few months of his life. He was..." Clay took a shaky breath and Emma nodded, "he was helping me, and he did help me. Brett Swann was a hero. Injured in combat, killed by war. And he deserved to be honored as such. And that didn't happen because I failed to make it happen. So I'm going to, uh I'm gonna leave it up to some other people to talk about what kind of a man Brett was. What I'd like to do is apologize. I'm sorry our country failed you, Brett. I'm sorry that our politicians failed you. I'm sorry that the VA failed you. Most of all, I'm sorry that I failed you. I failed to get for you an honor which is rightfully yours. You deserved better than me. Than us as a nation. Every vet deserves better than what they got. That's it."

When Clay finished he looked at back at Emma and noticed for the first time that Stella was in the seat next to her with tears in her eyes. Clay quickly darted his eyes to Jason before punching the gold trident into the casket next to his very own purple heart. One by one every SEAL in the building came up and did the same thing with their tridents, putting a hand on Clay's shoulder. By the end of the day Clay was completely exhausted and limping slightly and Jason noticed, quickly pulling Clay aside and pushing Emma towards him. "Take him home." Jason ordered and both Emma and Clay nodded.

Not two minutes later Stella pulled up to the curb and both Emma and Clay climbed into the backseat. As Emma went around Clay's apartment putting the last of Brett's things into the closet for Clay to deal with at a later date as Stella talked with, and tried to comfort Clay. "Thanks for letting me invade your life." Emma heard her say to him

"Sure." Clay mumbled.

"I mean, not that I had a right. No, friends have the right. Watching you deal with everything the last couple weeks reminded me of, um why you stood out. You know, at the bar, the night we met."

"I don't really feel much like the man I was when we met." Clay said, and Emma frowned, so much has changed in such a short period of time and it killed her to see Clay shutting himself off to Stella.

"That's 'cause you're not. You're an even better man." Stella told him and before Clay had a chance to say anything back she walked into the living room.

"Ready?" Clay asked, standing up, ignoring Stella.

Emma shrugged as Clay climbed back out of the car at the bar...that Jason had told her specifically that she was to come to despite being underaged.

Clay stuck close to Emma as the rest of Bravo and all of the rest of the guys from the teams took turns telling stories about the glory days or memories they had with Brett.

"So how did everything go?" Jason asked Mandy, when he finally made it a few feet away from Clay and Emma.

"Fine. They weren't happy with the decision that I made, but my reasoning was sound, and they saw that." Mandy told him, looking over her shoulder to where Clay sat with Emma.

"No, no, they never see everything. Far as I'm concerned you saved our asses, and I'm never gonna forget that, Mandy." Jason told her.

"I know."

"What's going on?" Jason asked, knowing that she wasn't telling him everything. "You okay?"

"I'm fine."

"I'm not buying it. I know you, something's up."

"I'm tired." Mandy deadpanned, now was not the time to have the conversation he was fishing for.

"Yeah?"

"You should probably say something. Everybody's gonna want to hear from you." Mandy told him and Jason knowing she was right stood up.

Walking first past Emma and Clay he walked towards the center of the room. "I got something to say. I'd like to make a toast." Jason started as he looked at a note paper in his hand. There are 46 special operators in this room. 655 years of total service. 439 years of deployment. 130 of those years deployed to war. There are 21 divorces among us. 54 kids affected by those breakups. 17 Purple Hearts. 104 Bronze Stars. Three Silver Stars. There are 24 shoulder and arm surgeries. 64 leg and ankle surgeries. 22 back and neck surgeries. And 34 people in this room with hearing loss. And all of us with a little bit of what Brett had. Every single one of us. That's a lot of pain for us to, to carry around, but I'm not trading that pain in for anything, 'cause that's what makes us who we are."

"Yeah?" Ray smiled to his friend.

"Cheers." Jason said, followed up by a chorus of cheers from around the room.

Once the team started to split off Jason took Emma and Clay home. "Where you going Jace?" Clay asked as he laid back on the couch.

"Out. Meeting Mandy." Jason said.

"Before she leaves for DC?" Clay asked.

"DC?" Jason asked.

"She didn't tell you?" Emma asked.

"Davis said she was going to San Diego for a few weeks and Mandy was being sent off to DC."

"I will be back." Jason snapped before slamming his way out the door wondering how Mandy could not tell him she was leaving.

* * *

"You are leaving?" Jason asked when Mandy arrived at the cemetery.

"You know I have to get the next package...I don't live here." Mandy reminded him. "You want to tell me what this is really about?"

"Everyone leaves." Jason said, sitting down at Alana's headstone.

"You know how to get ahold of me no matter where I am."

"Emma is leaving."

"She is going to college."

"Mikey left."

"To go to the school you sent him to."

"Clay is..."

"Clay is back."

"He is." Jason smiled.

"And you will be fine."

"You think so?" Jason asked her.

"You better be."

* * *

"I need you to keep an eye on my Dad when I am gone." Emma said, leaning into Clay's shoulder as they absentmindedly watched CNN.

"As much as he will let me." Clay said before asking, "Are you excited to go?"

"I would be if I knew you guys would be okay." Emma said, "I mean...I know you couldn't honestly tell me that you are okay right now."

"Maybe not but it shouldn't be up to you to worry about us." Clay told her, knowing it was futile...her heart...she couldn't just shut herself off from Bravo.

"I will come back to visit every chance I get."

"We can go to you too you know."

"You guys are hardly ever home...when you are it would be easier for me to come here."

"We can figure that out when the time comes...and we can facetime."

"Like all the time." Emma smiled.

"Will you promise me one thing?" Clay asked her, taking her hand in his.

"What?" Emma asked him.

"Promise me that when you don't hear from us or if we say something is fine but don't want to talk about it know that it is because we want to protect you...you are our world Emma..." Clay said, cutting her off before she had a chance to argue, "We need you to focus on you and as long as you are okay then we will find a way to all be okay."

"Okay." Emma agreed, knowing she didn't have a choice in the future, "But you promise me something Spencer."

"Spencer?" Clay smirked at her, "Go on."

"Promise me that you will find a way to stay pure." Emma said as she pressed her hand against Clay's chest, feeling his heart beating under her hand.


	37. Chapter 37

"Open house is this weekend." Jason told Emma as he came into her room, sitting down on the bed and earning only a nod from Emma who was sitting on her floor going through a box of old schoolwork. "Is this a terrible idea?" He asked as he adjusted the hat that sat backwards on his head.

"Harder than I thought it would be." Emma shrugged. "It will sell fast and I'm not sure I am ready to give up having a home."

"You do want to go to New York still don't you?" Jason asked, silently hoping she had changed her mind.

"Dad..." Emma said, pushing the box aside and looking up at her Dad.

"Work the problem..." Jason mumbled as he fought the tears in his eyes, "Just feel like I missed so much...I blinked and now you are leaving for college."

Seeing the change in her dad's demeanor she softened, "I'm only going to be a few hours away." Emma said walking over and sitting on her bed next to her dad.

Jason looked at her for a few seconds before asking, "Will you help me find an apartment?" With a sigh he continued, "I know it won't be home but..."

"Dad I want you to be happy, you know that...right? And I will totally be back to visit friends...it's not like I am gone forever."

"I wish your Mom was here." Jason told her, showing her a side of himself that he tried to keep hidden, even from himself. "She always knew what to do and what to say. I miss her."

"You don't talk about her much." Emma pointed out.

"Don't hear you talking about her either." Jason said to his daughter.

"I do." Emma said as she looked down at her hands, feeling guilty that they didn't talk about her mom more. She thought that it was helping her Dad to not talk about her but now she was questioning how she had been processing.

"Clay?" Jason asked his daughter, thankful that she had someone to turn to when that person obviously has not been him.

Emma nodded, "And Mikey and Hannah."

"I am glad you have them."

"Who do you talk to?" Emma asked, leaning her head on her Dad's shoulder.

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"Jace's selling the house." Clay told Sonny when they were sitting at the bar after they had finished for the day.

"Shit." Sonny said, "He call you?"

"Emma did." Clay told him as he took a swig of beer, "She leaves for school in a month."

"I'nt that early?" Sonny asked as he leaned back in his chair.

"Summer program for incoming freshmen." Clay shrugged.

"You going to help her move?" Sonny asked. "That house has been home longer than I have been on Bravo."

"If they ask me to. Think she just wants him to do it though...but she made me promise to go there and visit every chance I got." Clay said.

"Gonna be weird not having her around." Sonny said, giving Clay the side eye with a smirk.

"Not like we are home much anyway. She said she would come out as often as she can." Clay said as he studied the bottle in his hand.

"We are back to not having a real home." Sonny mumbled.

"This where I am suppose to say home is where your family is?" Clay mumbled, "Cuz I feel like I already wore that line out on Em."

"She doesn't want him to sell it?" Sonny asked.

"She knows that the only way Jace can give her Tisch and give Mikey the hockey thing is to sell it and send them both away...doesn't mean she likes it."

"Jace moving onto base?"

"Dunno. Offered him my place but he said he wanted to find something closer." Clay said as he pulled out his phone, feeling it buzz.

"Emma?" Sonny asked him, already knowing his answer.

Clay nodded as he read her message, 'Dad cried.' was all it said.

"Shit." Clay mumbled before testing back, 'Where is he now?'

Just a few seconds later he got her response, 'Headed to the bar. You are there with Sonny aren't you?'

'Will let you know when he gets here and will make sure he gets home.' Clay said before he pocketed his phone, looking up at Sonny. "He's on his way here and his head isn't on straight."

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By the time Sonny and Clay got Jason loaded into the truck later that evening the man could barely walk on his own. Sonny had seen him drunk before but not like this, not even when Alana was killed and it was unspokenly decided that Sonny would ride home with Clay to make sure that Jason and Emma were both okay. Before they were even out of the parking lot Jason's head slumped over into the window.

"Good thing we have the next couple weeks off." Clay mumbled as he turned onto Jason's street. "Have you ever seen him like this?" Clay asked Sonny, "It didn't look like he even had that much to drink."

"Nope...think we should call Ray?" Sonny asked.

"He didn't call him...I'm not going to." Clay answered with a shrug.

"Lana mmm back." Jason slurred as he reached his arm forward at nothing, "Lana?"

"Hey Jace?" Clay asked, glancing over, not getting any sort of reacting he looked again, "Dad?"

"Wah are yoooo du'in ere?" Jason turned to Clay as tears were blinked from his vacant eyes, "Where's Lana? Clay? Where's Lana?"

Clay looked at Sonny in the rearview before turning his attention back to Jason, "We've got you, Dad, we'll keep you safe." Clay answered.

"Lana's gone...have to sell the house...everybody is leaving me." Jason slurred, now reaching out to touch Clay's arm.

"I'm not leaving."Clay told him as he turned into the driveway, finding Emma waiting in the doorway.

"He drunk?" Emma asked with a grimace as she walked toward the truck window. "Mandy is on her way over here."

"Mandy?" Sonny asked.

"Only one that he talks to." Clay mumbled as Jason struggled to get his legs out of the truck. "And he is something...he take anything before he left?"

"We home?" Jason slurred.

"Yeah, let's you inside Dad." Clay said, not thinking about what he was saying and focusing on what he was doing. But Sonny heard it and his head snapped around to watch as Jason tried to stand only to have his legs crumple beneath him as Clay held him up. Sonny walked over to the other side of him and pulled Jason's other arm around his shoulder. "Ready Jace?"

Feeling Jason's head dip to his shoulder Clay knew he was out and looked to Sonny, "Ready when you are, just lift him up."

"How much did he drink?" Emma asked as she closed the car door and followed the guys into the house.

"Less than us...but...he was asking for your Mom when we were driving back." Clay grimaced.

"No way...he is drunk as a skunk...why'd you let him drink so much?" Emma asked, crossing her arms and looking exactly like Alana.

"Cross my heart, he only had a couple drinks." Sonny told her as they carried Jason through hallway.

"Should be me dead...not Lana...never Lana." Jason mumbled as the guys carried him into the bedroom.

As soon as they set him on the bed he curled into a ball, head not even on the pillow and he shivered despite the fact that it was warm in the room. "Get some sleep, Dad." Clay said as he draped a blanket over him.

"I hate this." Emma said, tears in her eyes as she turned to walk out of the room.

"Emm..." Clay said as he started to go after her, stopped by Jason's hand grabbing his wrist.

"Don't leave me." Jason said, looking up to Clay and he turned back and sat down on the bed next to the older man. "Promise me...promise me you won't let me get like this again."

"Jace..."

"You called me Dad." Jason said with a sleepy smile.

"When Mandy gets here...I want you to talk to her." Clay said softly.

"I just miss her so much." Jason told Clay, ignoring what he said.

"We all miss Alana." Clay said, looking up to see Sonny standing in the doorway with Mandy.

"It should have been me to die...if I died she wouldn't have had to worry about money stuff for the kids school..."

"You know I don't like it when you say stuff like that. I still need you." Clay said, looking back down to Jason, "You are the closest thing I have to a Dad."

"Promise me you'll take care of them." Jason mumbled, "If I die."

"You're not dying Dad, at least not tonight."

"If something happens, Clay promise me."

"I will promise you if you promise to get your shit together...cuz we need you here."

"Deal." Jason said, lazily throwing his arm over Clay's lap, eyes now closed.

"Mandy is here." Clay told him as he started to stand up.

"Don't leave." Jason said as a tear slid down his cheek.

"Dad I am going to check on Emm. Mandy will be in here with you but I will just be in the other room." Clay said quietly and Mandy nodded and walked towards the bed.

As soon as she sat down Jason curled into her and Clay walked out into the hallway. "Want to tell me what the fuck that was all about? You have called him Dad six times tonight and the way he...that's not the Jason I know."

"What did you do, count? Jason is human...and he misses his best friend...separate Bravo One from the family Jason...he can't keep his worlds separate even though he wants to." Clay snapped, wanting only to go check on Emma and make sure she was okay. "And I am pretty damn sure he took something...mixed with Makers...my guess is Xanax but it isn't worth the fight to find out what he took."

"I have seen human Jason. I have not seen clingy, talking to his dead wife, crying Jason." Sonny said, "Fuck Blondie...I saw the two of you after the crash, and knew that you spent time with him but...you really see him as your Dad?"

"He is more like a dad than Ash ever was." Clay shrugged, "Where's Emma?"

Sonny pointed to the couch where she sat, knees pulled up to her chest and tears running down her cheeks. "Go fix her." Sonny said, "I don't know how to do the wet stuff."

Clay sat down next to Emma she instantly was in his lap, head on his shoulder, crying into his neck as Clay rocked her back and forth. "One day at a time."

"I can't leave when he is hurting this bad." Emma cried, "What kind of daughter would I be to leave him when he is like this?"

"You can and you will. Only way for him to make it through is for him to work the problem...right? You know we will do everything to keep him safe."

"Don't you get it? He has only known loss and me and Mikey...we are the only family he really has left and he sent Mikey away and now he is doing the same with me."

"You going to college...your dream college...is not him sending you away." Clay told her, "Besides, we are deploying this fall and will be gone for months. What is the point of you being in this house alone?"

"Why do you have to be logical?"

"Someone has to be." Clay mumbled. "Also...I'm pretty sure he took a xanax or something...alcohol alone doesn't make him act like that."

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"I don't wanna talk about it." Jason said, laying down with his back towards Mandy.

Moving so that she was sitting down, her legs stretched out against his back she started running her fingers through his hair. "You cannot keep saying you are fine when it is obviously not the case."

"I'm trying." Jason mumbled, leaning into her touch.

"By going to the bar and drinking yourself into oblivion?"

"I didn't have that much."

"Emma said you couldn't walk."

"Xanax."

"And Makers?" Mandy asked, Jason nodded. "Where did you get Xanax?"

"The shrink gave them to me after Alana."

"Selling the house pushed you over the edge?" Mandy asked him and he reached up to wipe a tear from his eye.

"Talk me through it."

"No."

"Clay called you Dad."

"So?"

"You asked him not to leave."

"What's your point?" Jason said, not as a question as he rolled onto his back.

"He is the only one you will let in and even him you will only allow to see so much."

"I almost lost him. Thought I did." Jason reminded her, tilting his head and leaning his cheek into her hip.

"You protect everyone but yourself." Mandy said gently.

"I don't need protecting." Jason said, closing his eyes.

"Need and want are two different things." Mandy told him. "Do you want me to stay or go?" She asked him.

"Emma called you. I didn't." Jason said defiantly.

Mandy put her hand on his shoulder and squeezed it, "Not what I asked."

Draping his arm across his face he felt the tears filling his eyes, he didn't want to need them, didn't want to be a liability, a hindrance to everyone living their lives but he was miserable. When he tried to take a deep breath in his body turned on him and he let out a small sob, and then the dam broke. Mandy kept her calm and pushed his arm away from his face so she could look him in the eye and when he finally opened his eyes and made contact with hers he could barely speak, "I'm scared." He choked out, barely above a whisper and she laid down on the bed next to him holding him the same as she had done many times before.

Mandy felt eyes on them but didn't look up, she knew it was Sonny standing there watching, knew that Clay would be with Emma, knew that the man as tough as he tried to act, was the softest of the bunch. She knew that seeing Jason upset scared him, the man basically worshipped the ground that he walked on and took the lead from Jason both on and off the field. Jason had been his lifeline for so long, when the man was broken, he was lost.

"Do you want to keep the house?" Mandy asked Jason.

"I can't." Jason said quietly.

"I am sure if you asked the guys if they wanted to rent a room instead of their apartments they would say yes."

"I can't stay here...stay frozen...stuck." Jason said, sucking in a deep breath. "This is Alana's house...the kids house...not mine. I was just a visitor."

"Is that what you really think?" Mandy asked, finally looking up at Sonny and nodding at the man to come into the room.

"It's the truth." Jason said, wiping the tears from his face when he saw Sonny walking towards him.

"Stop fucking trying to protect us." Sonny said, sitting down next to his Master Chief. "We all loved Alana. We miss her too. We love your kids like they are our own family. You are our family." Sonny said, taking a deep breath and putting his hand on Jason's shoulder, "This house has been home to us too...Nate's place and yours...those were home for me since I joined the teams...my apartment wasn't...home was the barbeques and movie nights and after baptisms and first communions place to go to be with family. You selling this house may be what you need to do but don't for one second think you are alone in saying goodbye to it."

"Don't...just stop Sonny." Jason said, practically begging.

"No. Jace. I'm not gonna stop. Whether you and Alana were married or separated you were best friends and both of you gave me a fucking home when I had none...you were the one who dragged my ass home when I was too scared to be alone and I'll be damned if you don't let me do the same for you."

"You have Clay and Davis." Jason mumbled.

"I have the fucking family that you gave me." Sonny practically growled. "You are the one who always gives me shit for keeping stuff in until I implode...well who the fuck do you think I learned that from?"

"None of you listen when I tell you to leave me alone." Jason mumbled, throwing his arm back over his face.

"Because we know damn well that you are a pack animal and are the one who taught us to stick together." Sonny smirked.

"You're an idiot." Jason smiled, wiping his face with his hand.

"Maybe so but you are a bigger idiot if you think we aren't going to protect your stupid ass."

"This shit is why I didn't take Xanax before." Jason mumbled.

"Why? Because it turns you into a human?" Clay asked, walking into the bedroom, his arm around Emma's shoulder.

"Dad if you don't want to sell the house then I can..."

"Stop." Jason said, pushing himself up so he was sitting next to Sonny, Mandy sitting up and leaning against his back. "You are going to Tisch. Mikey is staying where he's at. I do not need a house this big for just me. I will get an apartment and you will go to school and we will all be fine." Jason said.

"Just like that?" Sonny, Clay, Mandy and Emma all said at the same time.

With a smile Jason nodded, "Just like that. Work the problem...I just won't be taking anymore Xanax."

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As the last box of Emma's was loaded into Jason's truck by Clay he stood in the doorway with Emma, "This is it."

"Next time I come home it will be to your apartment." Emma smiled sadly, putting her hand in her dad's and squeezing.

"When you come back between summer and fall things..."

"They are called terms."

"When you come home you can help me turn the apartment into a home." Jason told her.

"I wish you would let me help you move into it."

"Well either I help you or you help me and since I am the Dad I am helping you."

"Stupid that you guys have to deploy right now." Emma mumbled.

"At least I get to take you to New York myself." Jason smiled.

"I'll grab the rest of the stuff and take it over to the storage unit so you are done here." Clay said, walking back over to the front door.

"Thanks Kid." Jason said.

"One more walk through before we leave?" Emma asked, looking between Clay and Jason.

"I'll follow you." Jason said, squeezing Emma's hand. Emma discretely handed Clay her phone and he followed them silently recording as they walked through, sharing different memories as they took one last walk through their family home.

"Daddy can you give me a minute to say bye to Clay?" Emma asked after Jason locked the front door.

"Uh..yeah...thanks Kid...for taking the stuff to the storage unit for me."

"Let me know when you get back into town and we can get a drink." Clay told Jason with a sad smile.

"Will do." Jason said as he squeezed Clay's shoulder before walking toward his truck.

"Hey Dad?" Clay called after him.

"Yeah Kid?" Jason said, stopping and turning back around.

"Bravo is family no matter where we each live." Clay told him and Emma launched herself at Clay as Jason turned back around and continued his walk to his truck. Only turning around to watch the two once he was seated in the driver seat.

Clay had sat down on the step and Emma was sitting on his lap, crying into his shoulder. "I don't want you to be so far away." Emma said, barely above a whisper and only loud enough for Clay to hear.

"When we are deployed does it really make a difference if you are in New York or here?" Clay asked, as he hugged her tight, "You have a key to my apartment...anytime you want to come here you know you can...and you damn well better be here to get tacos when we get back."

"You promise you will make sure he is okay?" Emma asked, lifting her head up and wiping her eyes.

"As much as he will let us. But Emm...you and I both know that until he finds a way to grieve he won't be okay."

"And not just for my mom." Emma mumbled.

"Promise me you will focus on school and having fun."

"People don't get what it means to be a Team Kid." Emma said.

"You know how to get a hold of me." Clay said, lifting her up with him and holding her arms in his strong hands. "You know how this works. I will try and check in when we are in the field and when we are home you know I am always here."

"I know. Were you scared when you left for school?"

"We have talked about that." Clay smiled, "Now you are just stalling."

"I'm never gonna see this house again."

"Not as your home...no, but the house itself isn't going anywhere." Clay smirked.

"You can be a real dick sometimes." Emma laughed.

"Now that." Clay smiled, moving his hand to her face and stroking her cheek, "That smile...that is how I want to remember you leaving."

"I love you, you know that...right?" Emma asked him, reaching up and putting her hand over his.

"Twin flame." Clay smiled, "One breath at a time...that is what you told me in the hospital...feel like the same applies now." He said as he took her hand in his and led her to the truck.

Clay opened the door for her and she climbed in fighting back tears. "Clay, I..."

"Love you. I want to see it when you get there, okay?" Clay said as he closed the door, Emma nodding, too afraid to say anything because the words would just come out as a sob. "Love you. Go. Have fun!" He smiled, looking up at Jason who nodded to him as he patted the door three times before backing away from the truck as Jason pulled onto the road.

As soon as the truck was out of view Clay got into his car and started the engine as tears fell from his eyes, knowing they were from her his heart broke and he allowed them to fall as he drove across town to the storage unit where he dropped the last of Jason's things off for him. Knowing that Jason would be staying the weekend in New York and coming home to his apartment or his cage until they had a chance to find an apartment on Monday.

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The first hour of the six hour drive was in silence, Emma staring out the window and Jason focusing on the road in front of him. "I should have gone to the cemetery to say bye to Mom before we left." Emma said, breaking the silence.

"You were just there a couple days ago." Jason said, not looking over at his daughter.

"How do you know...Clay told you, didn't he?"

"Your Mom isn't going anywhere." Jason told her. "And you are going to come back to visit. You need to be looking forward Emma."

"Says the man who doesn't see a future for himself."

"What are you...?"

"You see yourself operating until it kills you. Don't see another way...and don't even try to tell me I am wrong."

"You and Clay?"

"He is my best friend." Emma said, turning to look at her Dad.

"You see yourself being a team wife?" He asked her.

"With Clay?" Emma asked, trying not to laugh.

"You heard my question." Jason said.

"You see you and mom when you see me and Clay together." Emma pointed out. "We aren't you."

"Didn't say you were, and I wasn't asking about you and Clay. I was asking about you."

"Teams are all I know." Emma shrugged. "I know that Team Guys are dedicated, driven, stubborn pain in the asses that you constantly have to worry about whether or not you will ever see them again... so to answer your question... I don't know."

"I want you to date." Jason told her, "Normal college guys...just don't..."

"I'm not going to get pregnant like Mom did and have to leave school." Emma said, "And I dated normal guys in high school...they don't measure up."

"To Team Guys?"

"What can I say, I have high standards." Emma laughed.

"Have you and Clay...?"

"Had sex?" Emma smirked, "God no!"

"Okay...I think we need to talk about something else now." Jason laughed at his daughter's bluntness...that was a trait 100% from Alana.

Conversation drifted in and out, both lost in their own thoughts on the future...their fears, their dreams. What their family was now going to look like-living in a world of FaceTime and video messaging. Driving up to the student apartment that she had rented, sight unseen she felt the tears in her eyes. This was real. She was no longer a child, she reached her hand over the consul and her Dad squeezed it. "I'm always gonna be here for you, all right?" He said, her once he was parked.

"I love you." She told him as a couple tears slipped down her cheek.

"I love you, too." Jason smiled to her, "Now...let's get you moved into this apartment before I change my mind."

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As Jason stood in front of his families home four days later, now sold, for the very last time he felt like he couldn't breathe. Instead of going to his new apartment he went to the bar, texting Clay only once he parked at the bar knowing that he would be there before he even had a chance to finish his first drink.

"How are you doing?" The bartender asked, calling Jason out by name.

"How am I doing?" Jason answered as he took a long breath, "My wife is dead, my kids are gone and I just sold my house...I am living a country song."

With a small chuckle the bartender smiled, "My wife was Navy, killed in action. Kids live in Oregon, Colorado and Hawaii...living a country song isn't terrible all the time."

"Good to know." Jason nodded, taking a drink.

"Damn, you look old." Clay said walking up behind Jason who had his shoulders hunched and messy hair.

"Hey Kid." Jason said, looking over to him. "You talk to her today?"

"I talk to her all the time." Clay told him, "Why?"

"She loves you." Jason said simply.

"I know." Clay told him.

"You love her too." Jason said, leaning back in his chair and studying the young man in front of him.

"I do." Clay agreed.

"But you aren't together, you see other people, she said she was going to date and...some crock about flames." Jason said, confused.

"Twin flame." Clay smiled. "Just a fancy way of saying we are connected."

"But not together." Jason said.

"Nope." Clay smiled.

"I don't get it." Jason shook his head.

"You want your daughter to be dating one of your guys?" Clay rolled his eyes.

"Dating...no. Married to a team guy...yes." Jason said, looking up to Clay. "I would know she was taken care of that way."

"I will make sure she is taken care of either way." Clay told him. "Part of that is me asking you if you have a bed in your apartment yet."

"My mattress and boxspring are there. It works."

"You don't think that she will throw a fit when she comes home?"

"I go there to sleep. Why do I need all the extra shit?"

"Bed frames are considered extra shit?" Clay laughed as the bartender brought him a beer.

"Where are the rest of the guys?" Jason asked, looking around and not seeing anyone else from the team.

"Ray and Naima are working on plans for RJ's baptism. Brock went to some training thing with Cerb. Trent went to go visit his family."

"Haven't seen Sonny."

"He's probably holed up at some strip club."

"Good point."

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"I am coming home for RJ's baptism." Emma yelled into the phone when Jason tried to talk her out of it. "If you don't want me to stay with you I will stay at Clay's."

"How are you even going to get here?" Jason asked. "You don't have a car."

"Borrowing one from a friend." Emma snapped, she had already rented one for the weekend and was already in Virginia so the entire conversation was pointless. "Are you going to tell me where your apartment is or am I just going to Clay's?"

"You have a key to his. Just go to Clay's and we will meet up for dinner when we are done here."

"Who's going to Clay's?" Clay asked walking into the cages.

"Emma is driving up for RJ's baptism."

"I know. She told me as soon as she found out the date." Clay said, turning his attention to his cage.

"He knew you were coming?"

"You knew too, you just told me not to." Emma snapped. "I will see you for dinner."

Jason pocketed his phone and stalked over to Clay's cage, "Why is she coming down here?"

"RJ's baptism." Clay smirked.

"And to check on her old man." Sonny snickered.

"Come on Brother it's been almost a month since she has been here and she has never missed a family event, why is it a big deal?" Ray asked his best friend.

"I don't need her checking in and making sure I am okay." Jason yelled to his team, "I am the Dad. ME! I should be checking on her...not the other way around."

"Hate to break it to you Jace but Alana went and raised Emma up strong and there is not a chance in hell that she isn't going to check in on you any chance she gets." Sonny said, sitting back in the hammock that was in his cage.

Defeated Jason stormed out of the cages. "I need air." The team heard him snap as he walked out just as Blackburn was walking in.

"I take it Emma won that argument?" Eric asked.

"She is almost to my apartment." Clay told him with a smirk.

"Right, well, we are done here for the day but our push out date got bumped. We leave Sunday night."

"Any reason for the change we need to be aware of?"

"Ask Mandy." Eric smiled to the team.

"Mandy's in DC." Sonny said.

"Mandy is in Serbia." Eric informed them.

"You the one behind that switch?" Ray asked.

"Harrington." Eric said simply. "I will see y'all tomorrow at the church and then back here at four Sunday afternoon."

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"Dad I am going to put at least a couple of personal things in your apartment. It should at least look like someone lives here." Emma complained Sunday morning as she sat at the small table that was now deamed the dining room in his apartment.

"Emma this loft is a place for me to sleep. I don't even shower here 90% of the time." Jason wined to his daughter.

"Will you do it for me?" Emma asked making the most pitiful face she could muster.

"Whole point of moving was so I could get unstuck." Jason grumbled.

"When you deploy do you bring pictures of us?" Emma asked, already knowing the answer was yes. "The next time I come up here we are going to go through and find some stuff to make this like home.

"Your home is in New York."

"My home is where my family is. Don't be an ass."

"There isn't even a bedroom here...nowhere for you or Mikey..."

"Humor me."

"Fine."

"Fine." Emma smiled, knowing that she was going to do it either way but at least she had approval from him. "Besides, I stayed here last night and have a space."

"The couch is not a bedroom." Jason rolled his eyes.

"Yeah well, we will make it work." Emma told him, "Now, what all do you need for this deployment?"

"Nothing that isn't already on base." Jason told her. "Pizza and ice cream?"

The two spent the day together, taking the time to go through all of Jason's rituals and facetimed Mikey at Alana's gravesite before swinging by to pick up Clay to head to the base. Clay and her had at least checked in with each other every day since she had moved but they both were more guarded with their exchanges. It wasn't like the other could just run over if they needed something anymore so some stuff...it was just left unsaid, it made it less hard...sort of. Being separated was hard-but it wasn't any different than a deployment...and Emma had decided that her being in college she would just look at as a four year deployment.

At the gate though, when it came time to say goodbye Emma couldn't keep the tears from falling. She was having to say goodbye to her family again. The last minute before Eric opened the gate to let the team through Jason and Clay both held her close, the three of them, as if no one else was around. Emma somehow hugged into both men at the same time and still not feeling like she was close enough. "I love you. Take care of each other." Was the last thing she said to the pair of them, knowing that her drive home would be almost as long as their flight to Serbia. Emma felt kisses from both her father and her best friend before they were just gone. She climbed back into her rental car and sat, waiting to watch the plane leave her view before starting the engine to drive back to her apartment in New York.

When she stopped for lunch in DC she finally pulled her phone out and saw that she had seven different messages. Clay had sent her one that said, 'There are some things you can't share without ending up liking each other, and knocking out a twelve-foot mountain troll is one of them." The one from her Dad said, 'Nothing from the storage unit. I want new pictures. I will go through storage when I am ready." She had one from Mandy that said, 'They are bumped so I could see them for myself.' Ray and Naima sent identical messages, 'Just like every other deployment. Call if you need anything.' Sonny sent one of a monkey and Justin Timberlake dancing and the last one was from Hannah, "Hurry up and come home-I miss you!"

After reading them all she put her phone down and took a deep breath. This was going to be her normal for the next few months. Communication through text message...a few short video chats...the only person she would see in real life would be Hannah and she was beyond grateful that she had also ended up at NYU so that the two of them were able to share an apartment and she had almost forgotten that she had moved in there that weekend!

After shoving the food in her mouth as quickly as she could she drove the rest of the way to her apartment, pausing to send messages back to her family before she went upstairs to catch up with Hannah. To Clay, 'Yesterday brought the begining, tomorrow brings the end, and somewhere in the middle we became friends.' To her dad, 'Fine. Love you. Stay safe.' To Sonny she sent back a gif of a dinosaur puking a rainbow before being hit by an asteroid. To Ray and Naima she sent one with the address to her apartment and a promise to send her class schedule in email. To Mandy she took more time, 'J-Bear, C-Monkey, S-Dragon, R-Lion, B and T-wolves.' It had been something she had done the last few deployments...assigning animals to each member of Bravo that way during the duration of the deployment if Mandy thought that Emma's reaching out could help them she would just send a single word message with an animal. It was a system they had found worked quite well. Once she was satisfied she put her phone in her pocket, grabbed her backpack and rushed up the stairs to find Hannah!

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Sitting at a bar in Serbia Jason ordered a beer that he didn't touch. Carrying on a simple conversation with the bartender, flirting, as he walked out of the bar behind the asset Jason popped in his earpiece and followed the man through the streets down into the subway, out the other side and through an alley where the man climbed into his grey Mercedes.

"You call a cab?" Ray asked as Jason climbed into the car to set chase.

"Something like that." Jason smirked, feeling at ease for the first time since selling the house. This...this is what he knew. As messed up as that may be, being on a mission...that was where he felt he had control over his life and he finally felt like he could breathe. As he got on the laptop he had casual conversation with Ray. Both rolling their eyes when they heard Sonny's voice singing through comms.

Not ten minutes later they heard Lisa's voice coming through comms, "Playtimes over Boys. Time to focus up."

As the two cars tried to get the HVT's car to funnel to the right they quickly blew their cover and what was suppose to be a quiet interdiction became a car chase through the middle of the city streets. Just when Ray thought they were going to lose the car Jason smiled and opened the sunroof just as a helo was coming up on their tail. Clay quickly took out the driver of the car as the cars caught up to apprehend the HVT. As Jason and Ray walked away from the HVT and the rest of Bravo Jason turned to Ray, "We're back." Quickly calling into the comms, "See you soon Havoc. Bravo Out."

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"Ahh Lookie here, nice shooting there Golden Girl. Especially since you've been on the disabled list for so long. You good?" Sonny smiled, walking into their headquarters to see Clay leaning against a table sipping on a cup of coffee.

"Leg's fine Sonny." Clay smiled as he fist bumped his best friend.

"Why the hell we got a handicap placard on the Little Bird?" Sonny asked as he dropped his stuff onto one of the other tables. "Now, tell me this there Clay. Is it true after a hit like that, that one of your peanuts is smaller than the other one?"

"You'd know small." Clay smirked back as all the guys started laughing.

"Oh, Hey, attention on deck." Jason said when Davis walked in, the whole team quickly standing at attention, all trying to hide the smirks on their faces.

"All right, at ease Boys." Lisa smiled, "How long is this gonna go on for?"

"First year's the worst Ma'am. Lightens up in years two and three." Ray smiled at her.

"Wonderful." Lisa rolled her eyes.

"All right, listen up, Gentlemen." Blackburn said, standing up. "Intel turned out to be solid. Three KIA, all clean shots." Eric said as he walked aroudn the room. "Master Chief?"

"Yeah?" Jason responded.

"Anything else you want to tell me about the little demolition derby you guys ran out there?" Eric asked him.

"I'd say it was more Mad Max: Fury, if you ask me...But par for the course." Jason said as he walked towards his comanding officer.

"Par for the course. All right, Guys, let's hit the racks. Not sure when you're going out again." Eric told the guys and they quickly started walking out of the room as Eric walked towards the whiteboard where he drew a red x over Victor Korda's face.

"Oh, is that the bugger that's gonna lead up to Vadim?" Jason asked, walking towards Eric instead of following his team out of the room.

"All available HUMINT suggests the man you bagged today sold Vadim Tarasov the CL-20 used in at least two of the bombings." Lisa told Jason as she walked over to the two men.

"The link is pretty thin." Eric told him, "If the HVT doesn't talk, we got zero."

"Well let's hope your interrogator is up for the task then." Their Serbian counterpart told the three.

As Jason was walking away he mumbled, "Mandy is the best. She will get what she needs."

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When Ray walked into the teams sleeping quarters he found Jason tapping his phone on a bouncing knee as he sat on a stool rather than asleep where he should have been. He had decided to shower before heading to bed, waiting and hoping that he would be able to talk to Naima and say hello to his kids. "Yo." He said quietly. "What's up? How's uh...how's Mikey and Emma?" He whispered.

"Good." Jason answered.

"Yeah?" Ray asked.

"Both of 'em are good." Jason answered as Ray walked over to his bed. "Hey, let's go work out."

"Hell no."

"What?"

"Because you've been pushing the team pretty hard lately, brother."

"So?"

"Rest is our ally. I'm resting." "Hey, you been having a hard time sleeping lately?"

"I've always had a hard time sleeping Ray. It was never easy."

"When I first joined Bravo you slept like a baby, anywhere, anytime. Chop of the helo blades put your ass right out." "Remember the talk we had after Guam? You were maybe gonna talk to someone."

"What's there to say?"

"I guess talk about what's bothering you."

"Clay almost died, you almost died. Bravo Team, they almost got broken up, Ray. I couldn't stop thinking about it, so that's what's bothering me, Ray."

"Was or still is?" Ray asked Jason as the man finally laid down on his bed.

"Was. I'm fine, I'm good." Jason told him before he ran out to do a video chat with Naima.

Jason feigned sleep when Ray came back in and once he knew he was sleeping he got out of bed and went up to the roof. Looking through his phone, at the list of fallen friends he fought the tears that he refused to let fall. He texted Emma again, thankful that it was daytime in New York and that she was responding but he didn't want to tell her what was bugging him...it wasn't on her to bear his burdens.

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Clay was woken up by a buzzing on his phone and was surprised to see a message from Emma. She had told him that she was going to be busy showing Hannah around campus and spending time with her on their last day before classes were set to start. 'Did the mission go sideways? Dad doesn't sound right in his texts.'

Looking over and finding Jason's bed empty, Clay took a deep breath, 'My guess is he is up on the roof. Mission went fine. I will go find him.'

"Where you going Sleeping Beauty?" Sonny asked sleepily.

"Go back to sleep. I'm gonna go find Jason." Clay whispered, not wanting to wake the others.

"You okay?" Sonny asked, "Something wrong with your leg?"

"Leg's fine, Sonny. Emma text me, she's worried about Jace." He said, once he earned a nod from Sonny he quietly slipped out of the room and walked up the stairs to the roof. He stood in the doorway to the balcony they had turned into a gym and watched as Jason alternated between running his fingers through his hair and looking at his phone for a good five minutes before he finally walked out there. "You know, it's not gonna lift itself." Clay said as he walked towards him.

"No, I'm between sets." Jason lied. "So..." He started, putting his hat back on and holding his face in his hands for a few seconds before standing up, "You're up early, huh?

"I try to get up here and work the leg a little bit. You know?"

"First op for you in months, man. Feeling good?"

"Yeah, leg's feeling better." Clay said as he stretched out both of his legs. "Kind of strange because I can feel it, you know, like I'm aware of it. Doctor says that's 'cause of how they put things back together. The nerves and everything." Clay shrugged. "I don't know. I'm not complaining; it works."

"Kind of strange, you know, us going after a bomber, after what happened to you." Jason said, looking over at Clay.

"Fitting, I guess." Clay said, walking a little bit closer to Jason, trying to get a read on where his head was at. "I don't know. Haven't really given it much thought."

"Well, you know...it's good that you're back rolling with us." Jason said walking towards the younger man and pulling him into a quick hug, grabbing his head as he pulled back, letting go just as quickly as he had latched on.

"I never knew how it was before, man."

"What's that?"

"Being away." Clay said, "You know, all those weeks rehabbing, nothing but time and memories to haunt me. All I wanted to do was be back operating. Not sure what that says about us, that war is our refuge." He may have been talking about himself but he knew the words would dig deep into the man he saw as a father.

Leaning against the wall Jason felt his hands shake and chin quiver, knew if he tried to talk no real words would come out and when he saw Clay walking towards him he slid to the ground. The kid was safe. The kid was safe. The kid was safe. "Emma...she uh...she tell you to come find me?" Jason finally asked as the younger man sat down next to him.

"Nah. I told you I uh, that I came up here to work the leg." Clay told him. "Figured you were with Mandy when I saw your bed was empty."

"She is working." Jason said as he leaned his head back against the wall, "And you are a bad liar."

"I got you...you know that...right?" Clay asked Jason. With a slow exhale Jason turned and leaned his back against Clay's shoulder, not five seconds later Clay felt the weight of Jason's head on his arm.

He pulled out his phone and text Sonny. 'On the roof. Text me before everyone gets up. J's asleep.'

Feeling a buzz a few seconds later Clay smiled, 'Bed is more comfortable Goldilocks. All good?'

'He was looking at that list on his phone again.' Clay sent back before sending one to Emma, 'Found him. He's sleeping now. Miss you.' And Clay meant it, he missed having hours long conversations with his best friend about everything and nothing.

'Video?' Emma sent back.

'On phone and quiet. J is sleeping.' Clay sent back, waiting a few seconds before calling Emma. Unable to hide the grin that popped up on his face as soon as he saw her face. He held his finger to his lips before moving the phone so she could see how her Dad was sleeping.

"You on the roof?" Emma asked quietly.

"Guys will be up soon...little sleep is better than none." Clay said with a sad smile.

"I am glad you are there with him." Emma said, "Looks pretty where you are."

"I guess. Got to ride in a helo today. Best view of the city."

"Much better than all the sand you guys are going to have in a few months." Emma smiled, "Your hair is getting curly."

Clay smiled, "Tell me about New York."

As Clay listened to Emma's voice he was reminded of just how much she relaxed him, soothed his soul and re-energized him and when a text from Sonny came through saying 'breakfast' he didn't want to hang up. "What's with the face?"

"The boys are up. We need to head down." Clay told her. "Will you sing me my song?"

"You really want to hear that stupid song? I could find about a million others." Emma smiled, knowing the answer would be no. Clay shrugged his shoulder, knowing that he woke Jason but the man was listening as Emma started to sing.

"Love you Emm." Clay smiled.

"Love you guys." Emma answered, knowing her Dad was now listening. "Stay safe."

"Always." Clay smiled before hanging up the phone.

"Boys up?" Jason asked, still not moving from where his head rest on Clay's shoulder.

"Yeah. Breakfast." Clay told him.

"Sonny text you or something?"

"Who else wakes up anytime I move thinking something is wrong?" Clay asked.

"We watched you get blown up. Give him time Blondie." Jason said standing up and reaching a hand down to help Clay up. "Let's go eat.

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"Oh, hey, how's the workout? Jason kick your ass in the gym?" Ray asked when he walked into the room to find Clay covered in sweat and getting his stuff to go shower.

"Totally." Clay answered, "Yo, I-I will say that he's in better shape than I've ever seen him."

"Yeah, he has been hitting it pretty hard lately." Ray said, digging through his bag.

"Yeah. You know, it's kind of funny, he's acting more like a new guy than a guy rounding third base."

"If he heard you say that, he really would kick your ass." Ray said as he walked toward the fridge, "I don't know, I guess that's what makes him great...that focus."

"Three-foot world, right?" Clay asked after Ray tossed him a drink. "You know, one day he's gonna reach the end of those three feet. Then what?"

Ray shrugged, not having an answer. "You good?"

"Yeah. Why does everyone keep asking me that, Man?"

"Cause you got blown up, Clay. Just making sure you're squared away."

"Yeah, leg's fine, man."

"Not your leg that people are worried about. You were out for a while, man, almost out for good. Never know how even the toughest pipe hitter's gonna react once the bullets start flying again."

"Well, guess we'll find out." Clay shrugged.

"Okay." Ray said, knowing the conversation was over. He had hoped to get more out of the kid about Jason, he wasn't really worried about where the kid's head was...knowing how often he was talking to Emma and how close of an eye Sonny was keeping on him but he wanted to ask anyway. Didn't think he would get so defensive and close off though. As Clay was getting ready to walk out of the door Ray called out, "Didn't mean to pry. Just...after everything Bravo has been through...just want you to know I am here if you need anything...or if anyone else needs anything."

"Jason?" Clay asked. Ray nodded. "He got about an hour of sleep up on the roof before breakfast."

"Emma ask you to check on him?" This time it was Clay to nod. "I'm glad you are back, Clay, for you and for him."

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"Lunch?" Mandy asked, walking up to the room and finding Jason working out.

"Sure. Just let me get showered off." Jason said, putting down the weights he had been lifting.

"Meet you downstairs in twenty?" Mandy asked. Jason nodded before heading down the stairs to the bathrooms.

When Mandy walked down she was greeted by Blackburn at the front door, "Hour. Max. You know they are getting spun up."

"You are the one who told me to talk to him." Mandy said, crossing her arms, "Pulled me from my job back to Bravo."

"Make sure his head is on straight." Eric told him. "Can't have a repeat of last year."

"You bumped everything to fit the schedule, I'm not going to be the one to screw this up."

"Not you I am worried about."

"Then we are on the same page."

"Same page with what?" Jason asked, walking down the stairs.

"Interrogation." Mandy deadpanned, looking directly at Eric.

"Have a good lunch." Eric said before rushing off down the hall.

"What the hell was that about?" Jason asked.

"Cake Eaters." Mandy smiled. "What do you want to eat?"

"See what smells good?" Jason asked, Mandy nodded and the two walked out the door and down the street. They found a quaint little bistro that had outdoor seating and ordered their food. Mandy couldn't help but notice Jason's head constantly on a swivel. Hating that he did not feel safe even to have lunch. Once their plates had been cleared and Mandy was sitting silently sipping on her water, Jason turned to look at her. "You know, I never did say I was sorry."

Catching her off guard, Mandy took another sip of water before setting down her glass. "You didn't cost me my job Jason. It was my call to give up a CIA asset to save your asses." She told him, knowing that if she had the chance she would do the same thing. Every time. "CIA's call to reassign me. Simple." She shrugged, because to her it was. As much as she hated not being with them all the time, it was better than getting fired and she knew that her people were alive. "So, I'm no longer attached to Bravo permanently, but at least I got out of DC. Field interrogation, operations, not so bad. I'm good."

"Still feel like I'm partly to blame so... I was maybe just a little bit out of control last year." Jason told her, finding a weight lifted admitting that out loud.

Looking up to Jason she gave a slight hint of a smile, "I know. I was there."

"You were." Jason nodded.

Standing up from the table and turning her head, "Let's walk." Jason followed her, out to the road where he walked a few inches in front of her, a shield if anything were to happen. Knowing she had to get him to start talking she had to give a part of herself, "You know if it makes you feel any better I am relieved to be working on the ground again."

"Why's that?" Jason asked, surprised, Mandy loved her job.

Forming her thoughts the best she could she looked over at him, "Well, pointing the tip of the spear came with a lot of stress I don't miss."

"Doesn't sound like you." Jason told her, and it didn't...or at least it didn't used to. But after almost losing them...losing Jason. It had changed her.

"You want to know something?" She asked him, allowing herself to be the vulnerable one even though the whole point of taking him to lunch was to get him talking.

"Huh?"

"Every time before a warning order I'd shake. Like I had the chills. I wasn't cold."

"Why's that?"

"I get the smallest thing wrong, tiny detail, someone dies. That's why I had to build walls between myself and the guys." She said, knowing exactly what he was going to say. The two of them never had walls. Never. Connected, bonded from the moment they first met.

"Funny, you know what? You never put walls between me and you. Never."

Now was her chance, she had to cut deep, go low, or else he would never open up and their time was running short. "You were never afraid of dying, Jason. Sometimes I thought that's what you were looking for." Her words cut exactly as she knew they would, "I...Sorry. I didn't mean anything by that."

Feeling his walls start to vanish as they always did with her. She had never lied to him, even when the truth hurt, "All good, all good, right?" Jason said to her, hoping that she still felt their shared connection.

"How's things at home?" Mandy asked quickly.

"Things are good at home. Kids are great, they're excelling, they're doing what they want to do, huh?"

"Do you get lonely, living on your own?"

"It's not a home. It's a place where I lay my head, that's it. You know, sometimes when it gets quiet, I...I got to put the microwave on just so I can hear the noise." He said before hearing his phone chime in his pocket. "We're getting spun up." He told her even though he knew that she already knew that.

"Jason." She called after him, when he turned around she told him the three words that she knew that he needed to hear, what Alana had always told him when she was alive, "Just be careful." After he spun back around Mandy saw him wipe his face with his hand and knew that she had gotten through. She had only hoped that it was enough that he took her seriously.

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Splitting the team between land and sea...well, river, made Jason nervous. Sending Trent, Brock and Full Metal on land allowed him to keep Clay, Sonny and Ray with him. When things got sketchy with Trent being in danger of being seen he told Clay to take the shot if needed. Of course though the kid found another way. Shooting out a beer bottle instead of a person allowed Trent the time to exfil and everyone remained safe. He wasn't going to breathe a sigh of relief until they were all back on base.

When Davis was briefing them a short few hours later Jason had a hard time keeping his cool. Too many maybe's. When Ray stands up with a plan to start from the bottom and climb the sixteen flights with two teams split between the stairwells Clay pipes in that he thinks they should come in top down. The problem with the two plans is that they are both right. "You're both right. Helo and a ground assault. Split the teams. Half will com from below, the other half will come off the roof. If we don't get him on sixteen we will trap him in between us. Once we have him, exfil on the helo."

Released to rest for the rest of the day the team gladly goes to their bunks to sleep. Jason though cannot seem to relax and his focus is on time...and the list of fallen comrades he has saved on his phone. When he had to split the teams for the op Jason kept Clay by his side, he knew that the kid was able to basically read his mind, read his every move before he made it. He put Ray with Sonny and Brock, Trent with Full Metal. It was now or never.

Of course what could go wrong will go wrong with Bravo and a random police chase woke up the building right before they went in. Ray asked what they should do and Clay mumbled something, Jason couldn't comprehend but when he looked up he saw Clay nod. "Charlie Mike." Jason said into comms and so they did.

As the teams merged on the 16th floor Sonny grunted, "It's party time." and off they went. Clay saw Cerberus sit at the door though and pointed it out. Ray pointed out that there were explosives in the room. As they searched they followed Cerberus to their HVT. As they entered the final roomJason stopped at the door and again Clay saw the dog sit and let out a wine just as Jason opened the door to a man with an S-Vest. Clay diving to push Jason out of line of fire just in time.

"Almost caught the last train to glory." Ray told Jason on the helo back. As he wiped blood from his nose he knew he was right. He had almost left his children to be orphans. He should be dead. But he isn't. Because the crazy ass kid was smart enough to watch the dog and stupid enough to dive through the blast zone to knock him out of the way. Clay had saved his life...again.


	38. Chapter 38

By the time that the team was back to the compound Jason was fuming, the team wouldn't stop staring at him and even though he knew it was deserving...since he was just blown up, but he hated to be the weak link and could not be a leader if his team looked at him as such. "Our little fireworks display set off any alarms?" Jason asked to no one in particular as he walked into the briefing room where Davis, Blackburn and Filip were going over the reports, the rest of the team heading for their room and the showers.

"As far as the public knows, it was a gas explosion." Filip said, Jason not even acknowledging what he was saying.

"At least the DOD wont be breathing down our necks to close up shop." Eric said, following as Jason walked into the conference room, dumping a bag on the table.

"Cell phones, laptops, notebooks. Maybe we'll be able to pick up Vadim's trail." Jason said, one track mind, still with his mission walls heightened, if Mandy was still the one putting together their packages she would be able to do something with it. Davis was good as a team support, but this was her first package and it was total mission failure AND he was almost killed.

"I'll get into it." Davis said as she walked towards the pile of things that they had managed to collect before leaving the building.

Eric, watching Jason walk towards the sink and flush water on his face he was concerned. "Anything need discussing?"

"Guy was a bomb maker. Didn't want to go down. Clacked off his vest." Jason snapped as he dried his hands and face, not looking at the other three in the room. "Boom goes the dynamite. Flawed execution, flawed result."

"Close shave back there." Eric tried to breach the subject as Jason turned to face him. "Anything you need to talk about before you read the team in?"

"Solid. I'm solid." Jason told the man, both choosing to ignore the lie, Eric knew there was no point in a fight didn't bother following him when he walked out of the room.

The room suddenly going silent when Jason walked in, he ripped off his shirt, clearly pissed off, Clay was the only one who dared to speak. "That, uh, blast wave got you pretty good there, Brother."

Brother? Since when did Clay call him Brother? That phrase was for Ray and Sonny...maybe the other guys on Bravo...but the kid...it just made him even more angry. "Yeah, well, I'm still here, right?" Jason snapped, walking towards his bed.

"Got any ringing in your ears, or headache or anything, just make sure you document it. It could help you down the road." Clay said, knowing full well that Jason would never document anything that had the potential to end his career, he also knew that Jason was definitely concussed and had a headache, his eyes were darting all over the place and he seemed unable to focus despite his how hard he was trying.

"I'm fine, man. I'm fine." Jason said, for what seemed like the millionth time...but really it was him he was telling, he knew the others could see right through him.

"Clay's a step slower, things could've turned out different." Ray dared to say, looking to his master chief and best friend.

"Well, you know what, he wasn't. He wasn't, Ray, right?" Jason asked, digging into the fridge for a water. "Live to fight another day. That's all that matters. Live to fight another day." He said before walking out of the room. When his stress levels were dangerously heightened he always repeated the last few words of whatever he was saying and the entire team knew it.

As Clay and Ray looked at each other, the rest of the team, sans Sonny who was in the showers all clearly concerned for Jason none of them dared to go after the man.

* * *

"Feeling okay Jace?" Sonny asked, walking out of the showers as Jason was about to slam his way in.

"I'm fine, okay, fine. Just leave me alone, I am fine." Jason snarled, pushing past Sonny.

Spinning on his heels Sonny stormed back into the showers, "Don't you lie to me, Jace. Don't you dare."

"Drop it." Jason growled and Sonny threw down his dirty clothes and got right up into Jason's face.

"No." Sonny growled back. "You tell me that you know you aren't okay...then we can talk later but don't you dare lie to me."

Staring at Sonny and knowing the man well enough he allowed his walls to drop. He trusted that Sonny wasn't going to make him get all touchy feely like Ray would try and Clay may as well be a bulldozer when it came to Jason's ability to keep his walls up. "I didn't see it." Jason finally said. "Kid saw the damn dog and..."

"And saved your ass." Sonny finished, putting a hand on his master chief's shoulder.

"Sonny..." Jason said, struggling to keep his composure.

"We can talk later if you want." Sonny smiled softly at the man, "Shower. Call Emma and Mikey. We can talk later, but don't you ever lie to me."

As Sonny picked up his stuff from the floor, Jason watched him. As he walked out the door Jason called after him, "Kid is the best of us."

"Don't go inflating his already oversized ego by telling him that." Sonny smirked before leaving Jason alone in the bathroom.

"Jason?" Mandy asked when Sonny looked up to find her staring right at him.

"Close call. Kid saved his ass again." Sonny shrugged.

"So what was with the yelling?" Mandy asked him.

"I asked if he was okay." Sonny said with a smirk.

* * *

Eric, walking into the living quarters a few hours later, coffee in hand looking at the man he had been searching for, "Hey."

"Yo." Ray said, looking up from his journal.

"Not out clearing your head with the rest of the team?"

"Guess we all handle nearly going through the buzz saw a little differently."

"Well, the way the op went down last night, figured I'd share some good news with you. Paperworks been filed. You're on track to make master chief later this year."

With a small chuckle, Ray smiled, "I'm making E-9."

"Listen, one percent of Navy personnel make it. You're one of the best and brightest we got, Ray."

"Thank you, sir. Ah. You don't know how much this means to me and my family, man." Ray said, pulling Eric into a quick hug. "We've been waiting on this a long time."

"Well, you'll be under more scrutiny now. Any missteps from you or Bravo Team could jeopardize your promotion."

"Oh, don't you worry, brother. I'll keep the boys in line."

"Yeah. There's one issue on the horizon." Eric said, knowing that he was about to knock Ray off his axis.

"What?"

"Most teams don't have two master chief's."

"After everything I've been through with Jason, there's no way I'm leaving his side now."

"It's not about you, Ray. Navy's not too keen on overqualified sailors playing supporting roles." Eric told him before patting him on the back and walking out of the room.

"Where is everyone?" Mandy asked Eric as he walked down the hall.

"Boys are out blowing off some steam." Eric told her, "Ray's only one here."

"Jason leave with the rest of them?" Mandy asked.

"He was the first to leave." Eric told her as the two walked back down the stairs.

* * *

It didn't take long for Mandy to figure out where Jason went and she frowned when she saw him slouched down in a chair. Whenever he went to talk to his kids he would find a family friendly cafe that served beer. One that it was hard to tell what country he was actually in, a place that looked like he was back in the states. Seeing him slouched and lost in his own thoughts was not normal for him though and as she walked up behind him she asked quietly. "Am I interrupting?"

"No, I'm just meditating into my beer." Jason said, looking up to her as she moved a chair to sit next to him, "How is it you can track me down?" Truth be told he was relieved that she was there, breaking him away from his thoughts, she was one of the only people didn't shy away from what needed to be said and knew that she would do anything for him...for his family. The only person who had her private number besides those she worked with, was Emma.

Throwing a small smile his way as she sat down she shook her head, "Oh, it doesn't take being in the CIA to know where to find you when you nearly get killed."

"I wasn't nearly killed."

"If Clay's half a step late, you're not sitting here." She pointed out, angry that he had even been put in danger to begin with.

"Well, he wasn't a half step late. That's why I train 'em so hard." Jason said, finding it hard to keep up his angry act he had been showing with the guys. "Like a beer?" he asked her as a waitress cleared a table by him.

"Yeah."

"Another beer please." Jason said to the waitress.

"Yes, Sir." She said before walking off.

"How can you forget what just happened?" Mandy pushed. She knew he wouldn't let himself break where they were but she could get him to talk and sometimes that was what he needed to feel like he was in control.

"You know, Mandy, I can't kick in doors worrying about what's on the other side...I...I just ignore and override. Push forward." Jason knew it sounded stupid as it came out of his mouth but that was his truth, his reality...and until Alana was killed it had worked for him.

"Ignore and override. That's quite the system. There's only one problem with it."

"What's that?"

"You got into the War on Terror on the ground floor. You've been doing this a long time."

"So?"

"Well, that's 20 years of trauma to ignore. What happens when it's too much to override?" She said, knowing that it was already too much...and it had been since Alana was killed in the car accident.

"Guess I'll figure that out when I get there, huh?" Jason said, lifting his beer, "Cheers."

Picking up her pint she looked to Jason, "Guess so." After taking a sip and setting the glass back down she turned to him again, "So that thing on the rooftop."

"What thing on the rooftop?" Jason asked innocently.

"With Clay." Mandy said, turning to face him, "There is a camera up there." she said when he looked at her confused.

"That was nothing. Couldn't sleep. Kid helps." Jason shrugged and Mandy was surprised to have him acknowledge that he needed help.

"And your conversation with Sonny?"

"There is not a camera in the showers."

"You weren't exactly quiet." Mandy pointed out, "And Sonny was practically shaking when he walked out of the bathroom, not often I've seen something get under his skin."

"I am..."

"If you say you are fine I am going to throw this beer in your face." Mandy cut him off.

"What do you want me to say?"

"I want you to talk to me." Mandy dared.

Staring at Mandy for a minute he finally took a deep breath and told her, "Clay saw the dog sit. I didn't. Clay acted on that. Saved my ass. Kept me from orphaning my kids. Just...I know at some point I am not going to make it home but..." stopping to drink the rest of his beer when his voice cracked, knowing he couldn't mentally finish that sentence.

"Walk and talk." Mandy told him, knowing that if Jason were to continue he would break down right then and there and as much as she wanted him to talk to her, she cared enough for him to get him out of view from prying eyes.

"We are talking." Jason said stubbornly.

"Now." Mandy told him as she set down her half finished beer. Reaching over and grabbing her glass he finished hers, dropped money on the table and without a word started walking back to where they were staying. Instead of going in the main building Mandy led him around to the side and pulled out a key to let them in to a separate portable, one that if you didn't know what it was you would just continue on past.

"Why here?" Jason asked her as she continued into the bedroom and sitting down on the bed.

"You didn't sleep last night and I have work to do." She said as she made herself comfortable before pulling out her laptop and getting to work.

Still standing in the entryway of the room Jason looked down at his feet, "Mandy, I..."

"I've been there for your nightmares before." She said without looking up, she knew that he needed to have his internal argument and when he was ready he would lay down on the bed next to her. He always did, every deployment they had been on together he had come to her at least once, the frequency and urgency was just increasing with each passing year.

When he finally came over he kicked off his shoes and handed her his phone. "I can't stop looking at the list." He told her, before closing his eyes, his forehead near her hip.

Mandy silenced his phone, she would get notified before him if they were being spun up anyway, and set it down on her other side before putting her hand on Jason's shoulder, when the nightmares started it was always his breathing that changed first. Four times she woke him up, each time moving closer and closer to her until finally she put down the laptop and laid down with him, "I've got you." She whispered into his ear as she felt his tears soak into her shoulder, her cheek pressed up against his head.

"Alana. Sonny. Clay. Ray." Jason mumbled.

"That order?" Mandy asked and she felt Jason shake his head. "Who was the last one?"

"Lana." He said before choking on a sob and Mandy rolled towards him to hold him as he cried, grieving the loss of his wife and best friend. This time when he fell back asleep she didn't dare to move more than to reach over and grab the remote, turning the tv on quietly. Four hours he slept before she decided to wake him up. His phone had been buzzing in her side every ten to fifteen minutes for the last few hours and while she had looked at each message as it popped up she never unlocked his phone to respond.

"Up for meeting the boys for dinner?" Mandy asked when Jason started to stir, snuggling further into her side.

"Dinner?" Jason asked, disoriented, "Time is it?"

"Near four." She said as she ran her thumb along his jawline. "Boys want to know where you disappeared to."

"You didn't answer them?" Jason asked her, surprised at how long he slept but also that she didn't just tell them that he was with her.

"You are my priority." Mandy shrugged. "And selfishly I might have missed this."

"Rather just eat with you." Jason told her, not yet ready to move.

"They just watched you almost get killed." Mandy told him, "That affects them too."

"Please?" Jason asked her.

"This is the first time this deployment that you do not look like the walking dead." She smirked as she rolled her eyes at him, running her thumb along the scruff covering his chin.

"This is the first time I have slept more than an hour in several months."

"Since Clay?" Mandy asked and Jason nodded. "Why didn't you ever say anything?"

"I already got you in trouble. Didn't want to add to it...not like we are ever in the same city anymore anyway."

"Blackburn knew you weren't okay and rearranged your deployment so I could be here...you don't think he would have done something before if you would have said something?"

"I don't want to need anything." Jason told her, rolling onto his back and missing the contact instantly.

Rolling her eyes, Mandy sat up, "You can be a real idiot sometimes."

* * *

When Jason made his way into Bravo's living quarters later that evening he found Ray on the bed talking to Naima, "Hey, Ray. Tell Naia I said hi, will you?"

"J says hi, babe." Ray said into the computer screen.

"Hi, Jason." Naima said back, knowing that her husbands best friend was struggling.

As Ray talked with his wife, Jason sat down on the bed, pulled out his phone and looked at the list again, list of his fallen friends, before he set it down beside him and closed his eyes. Sleep had been easy with Mandy, he should be able to rest in his own bed. The rest he got though, was not rest...it was nightmares. Most particularly one where he received a phone call from Diaz asking if he was hearing footsteps.

When he darted awake, Ray turned around to look at him, "You all right?"

"Yeah, I'm alright." Jason lied, wanting nothing more than to be back with Mandy. Back where he could breathe, sleep without the terror, to just be safe.

* * *

"Mmmm that hit the spot, man." Sonny said as he walked through town with Clay, "What the hell you call that?"

"Pljeskavica." Clay told him. "Serbian hamburger."

"Mmm. That's damn good." Sonny said, "I'll tell you what, man, I love Serbia."

"The countries got a lot going for it."

"Mmmm hmmm."

"The people, the food, the women." Clay said as he turned around to get a second look at one of the women walking past.

"Raki-Rakija, you know?

"That Serbian moonshine, right?"

"Yeah."

"Another great asset of Serbia is it's landlocked. Not a single drop of that dark, dangerous ocean can corrupt its majestic soil."

"Hmm." Clay smirked, "You know, maybe if you love it here so much, you should just bring that girlfriend of yours here on vacation, buddy."

With a laugh, "I see what you're trying to do there, blond Columbo. Ain't workin'. Quit tryin."

"Come on, man. When we were in the Philippines, you were like a school girl calling her every ten minutes. Now that I've been back at Bravo, nothing." Clay said, noticing the change in Sonny immediately, knowing he was right, "Come on, what happened?"

Bending over to drink water out of a street fountain he finally answered, "She got a new job and it's tricky. But, uh, we're adjusting."

"That's good. Hope you guys can make it work." Clay said, honestly he was a little jealous, Sonny-the lone wolf had coupled up and now he was the one on the prowl when all he wanted was the family life.

"What's that suppose to mean, huh? You, uh, getting a little lovesick for Stella?"

"I'm just saying, its good to have a life outside of Bravo."

"What are you wagging your jaw about?"

"Look at my dad and Swanny. All that sacrifice, nothing to show for it. You want to end up like that?"

"No, man, I didn't become a frogman because I was interested in growing my 401k."

"I'm just saying, I just...I hope, when we get out, we have more to show for ourselves than broken bones, busted heads, and wrecked marriages, you know? Because, all in all, it doesn't leave a whole lot of room for anything else."

"Look at you all mopey. You aren't going soft on me are you there Ken Doll?"

"Just, I don't know, man. Spending that time in the hospital and with Emma and just everything that has happened...it has me thinking."

"Yeah, well, don't think so damn hard there Pretty Boy."

"Don't you think about stuff like that?"

"I enjoy life, I don't think."

"Clearly." Clay laughed and Sonny pushed him in the arm.

"Shut up Blondezilla."

Feeling a buzz in his pocket, Clay pulled out his phone to find a text from Emma, 'Dad okay?' it asked and he groaned.

"Emma?" Sonny asked.

"Yeah. Wants to know if Dad is okay."

"You called him Dad again."

"I don't know what to tell her."

"Start with the truth. It's usually easiest." Sonny rolled his eyes.

"So tell her that he almost got blown up and is freaking out about it?"

"I was thinking PTSD is a bitch, how much time do you want to be talking to her?"

"You are an idiot."

"And you think too damn much. Let her be a kid."

"Jason has been calling her. And you know she is too much like Alana to not ask questions."

"Want to face time her before we head back?"

"Oh so now you want to talk to her too?"

"You calling her or not?" Sonny asked, pausing and leaning back against a heavily spray painted wall that was just up the road from where they were staying.

Clay rolled his eyes and called, and of course she answered before it even had a chance to ring, "Oh my God it is so good to see your face." Emma said quickly as her smile filled the phone screen.

"How's school?" Clay asked, flashing Sonny's face into view.

"You going to tell me what happened with Dad or are we going to waste time with me saying classes are classes?"

"Too much like Alana?" Sonny smirked, "She may as well be her clone."

"Love you too, Sonny." Emma smiled.

"You know we can't tell you what happened or where we are but..."

"Something happened." Emma mumbled, she knew it wasn't major or she would have already been told...but the last few weeks the contact she had with Clay was limited and light hearted...or about her.

"We are all fine."

"And by fine you mean that Dad isn't sleeping again."

"Mandy is here and we have an eye, but it wouldn't hurt for you to text him. Maybe come up to visit once we get back home." Clay told her.

"First weekend you guys are back I will come up."

"Miss you, Emm." Clay told her and he felt Sonny's hand on his shoulder.

"You have no idea how much I miss you. New York is amazing and all but it just...it doesn't feel like home yet...and with home not being home anymore..."

"People is home." Sonny mumbled, squeezing Clay's shoulder and leaning his head over into view, "Change takes time to get used to."

"When did you get all philosophical?" Emma teased.

"Sonny here is in full on big brother mode." Clay smiled.

"Yeah, and we need to wrap this up so we can get this dinner back to Davis since she hasn't left that room in days." Sonny said.

"Okay. You guys tell me if anything happens with Dad...please."

"I will." Clay said, "Miss you."

"Love you." Emma said, and Clay could see that she was fighting back tears.

"Love you always." Clay said, "One day at a time, okay?"

"Yeah." Emma nodded, "Bye."

Before Clay even had time to pocket his phone he got a text back, 'Call me when you are alone.' Sending a quick acknowledgment back he slid his phone back in his pocket.

"She wants you to call her back." Sonny said, looking curiously at Clay who gave a slight nod. "She isn't as okay as she wants Jason to think...is she?"

"Lost her Mom. Lost her best friends Dad. Lost her childhood home. Moved several hours away to a big city. Starting college...for everything she has been through she is amazing."

"Just one question." Sonny said with a smirk.

"What?"

"You gonna marry that girl?"

"Not like that, Sonny. I told you that."

"You keep telling yourself that Romeo, you might as well be Alana and Jason twenty years ago."

"And look how well that turned out." Clay mumbled.

"You love each other."

"Sometimes things aren't always that easy." Clay said, "And who are you to be giving relationship advice with your non existent girlfriend anyway."

"Whatever Pretty Boy, I'm just saying..."

"Go give Davis her Pljeskavica." Clay shook his head as they walked up the steps to their building, "I am going up to the roof."

* * *

"Hate to break it to you but Diaz won't be answering that call." Ray said, walking over to where Jason had been sitting, staring at his phone screen for the better part of an hour.

"You know, Ray, I got forty contacts in this phone. Forty dead brothers." Jason told him, testing the waters.

"And I haven't heard you mention one since the day they departed. What's got you thinking about Diaz?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"I don't know."

"He got killed breaching a door, Jace. Damn near the same way you almost bought it last night. That blast shake something loose in you, brother?"

Feeling the anxiety build up in his chest he jumped up, "Let's go work out, huh?"

"Right. Ignore and override." Ray said frustrated before going off to find Clay...the kid was the only one enjoying Jason's non stop workouts...and he was also the only one who could get Jason to talk.

Instead of finding Clay though, he found Sonny and Davis out on a patio...getting a churning feeling in his gut, he had always suspected something was going on between Sonny and Davis but this new Sonny, the one that was a love sick puppy all through their last deployment...and now solo time with Davis...it was hard not to put two and two together.

Before he had a chance to approach Sonny though he got that same old buzz in his pocket that they were getting spun up.

* * *

"What's going on?" Clay asked Emma as soon as he made it up to the roof.

"Didn't realize how much I missed seeing your face." Emma shrugged as she fought back tears she didn't want to fall.

"How many stupid snaps do we send back and forth?" Clay rolled his eyes.

"No...it is that stuff...rolling your eyes, the way you smirk...it is different to actually see your face and not a filtered image." She said as a tear slipped from her eye.

"What is really going on?" Clay asked, wanting nothing more than to give her an actual hug.

"Hannah's mom came down for a few days and I just..."

"You miss your Mom." Clay finished for her.

"It's dumb though, cuz I am sure she feels the same way when I do stuff with Dad."

"She probably does, but that doesn't make it dumb. You both lost a parent and that is hard...like really hard." Clay said, and he saw Emma nod.

"Do you miss...?" Emma started, before cutting herself off.

"Everyone that I have lost...yes. Some days more than others." Clay said as he sat down against the wall.

"I didn't mean to bum you out." Emma said, wiping away another tear.

"God Em...if you had any idea how much I missed talking to you...whatever it is about."

"You are my person." Emma smiled. "Please just come home safe."

"I worked too hard in PT not to." Clay smiled back at her.

"What time is it where you are?"

"I had a burger for dinner." Clay smiled, their location was suppose to remain classified.

"It taste the same as it does here?"

"No, but it was good." Clay smiled, head whipping to the door when it slammed open. Jason walking through and pacing like a caged animal. "You want to say hi to your Dad?"

"Yeah...okay." Emma agreed.

"Hey, J." Clay called out and he turned around and walked over, sinking down into the wall next to him.

"Emma?" Jason asked, looking to Clay then to the phone.

"Hi Daddy." She smiled.

"You didn't answer because you were talking to him?" Jason asked.

"No. I didn't answer because I was in a study group. Then I called Clay to see if you were okay before I called you back and..."

"Oh. Well, it is good to see you." Jason said, calming down and leaning slightly into Clay's side.

"I miss you guys." Emma said, "I told Clay that the first weekend you are back I am going there and we are going to make your apartment look like a home."

"It's fine."

"Like you are fine?" Emma dared.

Dropping his head back into the wall, Jason felt Clay lean into his side, "Yeah...like I am fine."

"What I thought." Emma said. "Daddy I miss you guys so much." She said, her voice breaking, "I need you to come home safe...okay?"

"Your Mom always used to say that." Jason said, turning his head towards Clay.

"Emma was having a hard day. Hannah's mom is there for a few days and..." Clay answered for Hannah when he saw her look down, tears obviously falling from her eyes.

"I will be okay, I just needed..." Emma said, looking at Clay's face on her phone.

"Your person." Jason smiled sadly, reaching down to pat Clay's leg.

"We will..." Clay started, stopping when Jason's phone buzzed, half a second before his own.

"Come back safe. Both of you. Promise me." Emma said, knowing what that buzz meant.

Jason gave a stiff nod before he started to stand, Clay properly saying goodbye, "Love you Em."

"I am okay. Just a little homesick. You guys be safe." She said before hanging up the phone before the sobbing started.

"I hate that she is hurting." Jason mumbled. "And there isn't a damn thing I can do to make her feel any better."

"Glad you came up here, Dad." Clay said as he reached out and grabbed Jason's outstretched hand.

"I mean it." Jason said, "You were one of my best decisions."

"Emma will be fine. Don't need to worry about her." Clay told him as he pulled Jason into a quick hug, "Emma will be okay." He knew that at that moment she was probably sobbing into her pillow, but he also knew her well enough that she would allow herself to feel her feelings but not become the emotion.

"What if I'm not?" Jason asked as he pulled back.

"You know I...we have your back." Clay said.

"We are suppose to be downstairs." Jason said.

"Ignore and override...that is what you always say, right? Until we get back...then we can talk."

"Yeah. Talk." Jason mumbled.

"Love you, Dad." Clay said quietly as the two walked through the door. Earning a grunt from Jason, Clay walked a little quicker to give Jason a minute to put his mask back on before going in for their briefing.

* * *

In the pre-spin up brief the team noticed Jason pacing like a caged animal and rather than calling it out, Clay and Ray stepped up coming up with the plan, Jason nodding in agreement was enough for Eric. He knew the man was always on point when the time came and he would get the job done or die trying.

When the security team came up, bullets flying, Jason jumped into action and quickly got their HVT for Mandy. Anything for Mandy. She could put a target package together from nothing and if she said this man was important, they were going to get him. Just as quick as the mission started it was time to head back, Mandy had what she wanted.

Back in their bunks for the evening the team was winding down and all Jason felt was amped up. When Jason suggested a workout, Ray shut him down, ordering him to bed. No sooner he closed his eyes did the nightmare start and he near ran out of the bedroom for the roof to call his daughter.

"Hey Em. Listen, do me a favor. Give me a call back. It's been a while since we talked, all right? I need to talk to you. Please." He said, desperate, and frustrated...it was not her job to talk him down but just like Alana had always been able to, his baby girl, now a college student, was able to reign him in and the few minutes he had interrupted Clay's call with her made him realize just how much even just hearing her voice calmed him.

"You know, for somebody who says he's doing better than ever, you sure do have a funny way of showing it." Ray said, walking out when he saw that whomever he tried calling did not pick up.

"I'm good, Ray. I'm good."

"Yeah? Not sleeping. Thinking about a fallen teammate. Jumping out of your skin on the Bird. What's got you spooked, brother?" Ray said, already suspecting what was wrong.

"You know that Diaz nearly got blown up in Ramadi two weeks before he was killed?" Jason said, not wanting to have this conversation, but knowing that he needed to he had decided to try to get his thoughts out of his head.

"Yeah, IED in a living room. I remember." Ray told him, how could he forget...Ray had been right behind Diaz when it happened.

"Yeah. Shortly after that, he came to me. He said the blast really shook him up. Impacted him, how he was operating. Said he was hearing these footsteps." Jason said, having an internal struggle with how much of himself to put out there.

"Yeah, seen it happen to guys before." Ray confirmed, knowing now that Jason was struggling with his own mortality.

"He says to me, "You know what? Hey, J, just want to give it up. I want to stop operating. I'm done." Two days later, he's dead. Week after that I'm holding up his wife Christy at the funeral." Jason said, his voice cracking.

"Look, J, Diaz got a bad deal." Ray said, knowing that if he wasn't blunt that Jason would never get to the point...to the root of what was really going on.

"Yeah." Jason mumbled, Ray not giving him any time to say anything else or change the subject.

"You want to tell me what's really going on?" There is was. He was either going to talk or he wasn't, but he damn sure had to try.

Taking in a shaky breath, Jason glanced at Ray before turning away, he couldn't do it if he was looking at the man despite the fact that Ray was the one person who he knew would have his back, no questions asked, no matter the time of day. Ray was his best friend. "It all started after Alana. It started after Alana and got worse. After Clay and Sonny almost died and then what happened to you..."

"What started?" Ray asked, wanting Jason to say it.

"The memories. The bad memories. Started creeping back into my mind. The ones I, I was able to keep 'em at bay, now...they're starting to seep in on me. They're creeping bad, Ray." Post traumatic stress. The pain was real, the memories were real and ignore and override was no longer a viable option.

"Look, man, you've been through a lot this year. You know? But you'll get back on track. You always do." Ray told him, thankful that Jason finally got that out in the open, but now terrified that he didn't know how to help his best friend.

"I'm hearing the footsteps. They're getting louder. Maybe I need to make a change."

"Change how?" Ray asked Jason, sitting down on the ledge that Jason was leaning on.

"I don't know. Talk to someone maybe?" Jason said, looking over at Ray, "But what if they take this away?"

"You won't lose Bravo. Harrington won't let that happen."

"Harrington isn't the one making the decisions anymore."

"I think that talking to someone would be a good idea." Ray said, reaching a hand over to Jason's shoulder, "But remember that you can talk to us too."

"Yeah?" Jason asked.

"Kid and Mandy aren't the only two who have noticed, brother.'

"I know...Sonny lectured me." Jason said, with a small smile.

"Sonny? Our Sonny?" Ray chuckled, "He is usually the one needing the lecture."

"Told me...told me not to lie to him...when I told him I was fine." Jason shrugged, looking out over the city.

"You boys staying up here all night?" Mandy asked, sticking her head out the door.

"How is it she always knows how to find you?" Ray asked, looking to his best friend.

"Not hard to find someone that you have known over half of your life." Mandy smiled, looking between Jason and Ray, "But in this case...camera helped." She said as she pointed to the eye in the sky. Seeing Ray nod, Mandy went on, "Glad to see that you are finally talking."

"I already told you." Jason grumbled.

"No, not like that." Mandy shook her head softly, "It's cold up here tonight."

"Think you can talk this guy into getting some sleep tonight?" Ray asked her, "He crashed out...for about ten minutes. No way he's not tired."

"I am right here." Jason said, giving Ray a look.

"I know." Both Ray and Mandy said at the same time.

When Mandy felt Jason's eyes on her she moved over so she was standing in his side, "You have to at least try Jace."

"You are either going back down with me or going with her." Ray said softly, he knew that Jason would go with Mandy. Knew that the two of them had a stronger connection than anyone gave them credit for, knew that despite what either of them said the two cared a great deal for each other, and he knew that despite all of the troubles that Jason and Alana had she had been the first one to call Mandy when she knew that her husband was struggling. Beyond that he had never asked, and didn't intend to ask what their relationship was.

When Jason nodded, Ray looked him in the eye, "You do not have to go through anything alone. You remember that."

When the man turned to walk back inside, Jason called out, "Where you going?"

"To sleep." He said, "So are you."

"So you just assume I am going with her." Jason crossed his arms.

"Aren't you?" Ray asked, cocking an eyebrow at the man.

"Yes, but..."

"But nothing, Brother. I've known you almost as long as she has." Ray told him, "Sleep. Please."

Mandy stood up on that roof leaning against Jason's arm for a couple minutes before she leaned her head into him, "You ready?"

"Who all has access to the cameras?"

"Anyone who is running security." Mandy shrugged. "I turned this one off when I saw you up here with Ray."

"You worried about what I would say?"

"Everyone attached to Bravo knows that you are struggling right now, Jason. You aren't exactly good at hiding it."

"Right." Jason said, looking down at his shoes.

Lacing her fingers in his, she held his hand tighter to her, "Means we know you well enough to care. That isn't a bad thing." When she earned a slight nod she squeezed his hand before letting it go and he followed her back inside.

* * *

About four o'clock in the morning Mandy got a call and she rolled over to face Jason, who had fallen asleep almost instantly and had barely stirred, "I have to go in. You want to go with me?" Mandy asked him as she ran her hand down the side of his face.

"We rolling out?" Jason asked. "Didn't think we had enough."

"You are...and you don't." Mandy answered. "Davis is getting a lot of grief from the higher ups."

"Shaw again?" Jason asked as he sat up.

"I am not privy to those details anymore." Mandy reminded him. "Davis is going to do everything she can to keep you guys safe...but..."

"She is a newbie." Jason said, he knew that the higher ups were likely forcing many of her decisions and she needed the chance to prove herself before they relaxed their watch on her.

"You help her get this one and it will go a long way."

"Yeah. If we all come home."

"Don't let those footsteps drive you." Mandy said, sitting up and putting her hand on Jason's. "You can ignore and override when you are in the field...when you get back you talk to me or Ray."

"What if..."

"Jason stop. You have been on the teams for over two decades. How many times have you asked what if?" When he didn't answer, she gave him a sad smile, "You don't get to start now. In here. Up on the roof-you can be human. Out there. You are Bravo One. You got me?"

"Were you always this bossy?" Jason asked as he stood up, ready to follow Mandy to hell and back if need be.

"How do you think I lasted so long?" Mandy smiled at him, "Now go. I should have been down there already." Jason worked on the intel alongside Eric, Mandy and Davis trying to piece together enough intel to go through with what had already been determined as their next mission.

At 5:30 when the rest of Bravo had made it down to the briefing room the four of them walked in, Eric addressed the team, "Sorry to wake you all, but our search is starting to bear fruit." Looking around the room he turned to Lisa, "Ensign Davis."

"Intel suggests that Vadim Tarasov may be hiding in the Accursed Mountains in Albania."

"Oh. Accursed Mountains. Sounds friendly." Ray said, trying to lighten the mood in the room.

"Okay, but I'm sorry, but are we certain that Vadim is there?" Jason asked, already knowing that she didn't have an answer, but the rest of the team did not know that he had been going over all of the info with them before the briefing.

"SIGINT tracks to someone in his organization using the nearby village to relay orders from who we believe to be a head shot caller on the ground."

"Kind of a fancy place for Vadim, if you ask me." Jason said, scooting his chair closer to the table and leaning forward.

"ISR is picking up movement. Someone's there."

"Well, let's click on the kill TV, break out the popcorn, and drop a JDAM on their asses." Sonny said, somewhat seriously, but also trying to keep the team from jumping down Davis's throat to double check all of her intel.

"Come on." Clay scoffed.

"We're not bombing Albania." Eric told the team. "Bravo's going in."

Leaning back in his seat and pulling the hair on the back of his head he looked at the youngest member of the team, "Clay, what are you thinking?"

"A few klicks out, they're gonna hear that bird coming. Give Vadim time to squirt." Clay answered.

"Can we haho to the target?" Ray asked.

"It's a logistical minefield trying to get cleared into Albania airspace." Eric told them.

"Tell you what, why don't we just insert helo downrange, hump it to target, all right, move in quick and quiet to keep the calvary from showing up." Jason said, the plan that he and Mandy had come up with together.

"We don't have enough rifles between us to sustain a long gunfight, so we got to be in and out quick." Ray said, agreeing with Jason's plan.

"Vadim has a plethora of knowledge we'd like to access. Be nice to keep him alive." Davis said.

"Plethora?" Sonny asked with a cock of his head earning a look from Davis and a slap on the shoulder from Eric.

"Can't keep him alive if he doesn't want to live." Ray said.

"Yeah." Jason agreed.

"Be nice to know if wearing an S-vest is part of the team uniform." Clay argued. "Vadim a true believer like his little bomb-making buddy, or...?"

"Agency opinion is: Vadim didn't survive wars in the Balkans, Afghanistan, and Syria by hanging around to the bitter end. He's a runner, not a martyr." Mandy said, looking to Jason, knowing that if anyone else said it he would still ask her.

"Lots of unknowns on this one, fellas. Need your heads in the game." Eric said.

"Lots of unknowns, lots of maybe's. Seems to be the new standard lately." Full Metal said as Jason looked between Davis and Mandy.

"We go with what we know. Nothing we haven't done before." Jason said, looking to Eric. "We done here?"

"You tell me." Eric challenged back.

"Gear up. We're going out."

* * *

"Well, since we've got some time on our hands, uh, I figured I'd take this time...to make a confession." Sonny said as they were hiking through the jungle, "I work with a bunch of dirty, cheating, no-good asshats."

Fighting back laughter Clay turned to Sonny, "What's wrong Buddy? You finally figure out you got your days mixed up?"

"Tell you what, don't blame us for your ignorance, Sonny." Jason teased.

"Ignorance my ass, it's called jet lag and too much action."

"Bet's a bet, Sonny. Bet's a bet." Clay laughed.

"You're all a bunch of scoundrels, every last one of you."

"Bro, desert is littered with bodies of men who welched." Full Metal said.

"That's right. Metal buried some of 'em." Clay smirked.

"Didn't...Maybe a few." Metal said, turning to look at Clay.

"Y'all took advantage of my confused state of mind." Sonny tried to lecture.

"Aw, come on, man. If this was switched around, you know you'd done the same thing to us." Clay teased.

"I can say with an honest and open heart that I absolutely would." Sonny said with a laugh.

"Yeah." Clay agreed with a smile.

"Havoc this is One. Passing Howard." Jason said into comms as he fell behind the boys for a second.

"Copy that One. Passing Howard." Jason heard Eric say. "Slow your pace, you are ahead of schedule, wait for nightfall."

"Copy that. Slowing pace." Jason said before walking up to the boys. "Havoc says to relax a bit. Wait for sundown."

"Snack break?" Trent asked.

"Why not." Jason said, sitting down on a log. "Just keep an eye out."

* * *

Walking up to the garden wall of the mansion Jason spoke into comms, "Havoc. This is One. Passing Robin."

"Copy that, Bravo Once. Passing Robin." Eric said into comms.

"Bravo One, this is Havoc Base. Be advised you have two unknowns at the south end of the target structure moving in your direction." He heard Davis's voice.

"Copy that Havoc." Jason responded. "Ray, Clay, got two nightwalkers. Check it out."

"Got two fighting-age males. Both armed." Ray said as him and Clay zeroed in on the men walking up the steps.

"Send it." Jason said, and not two seconds later he watched the two men fall. "Clay, take your team east. I'll take my team west." As they split Jason said, "Metal, you got our six. On you, Ray."

"Roger." Jason heard Metal say.

"Copy." Ray said taking off towards the building.

"Bravo Two, move to the basement. We got your overwatch." Jason told Ray.

"Copy that."

"Bravo One, be advised, we have three bogies coming from the east side of the target house." Davis said urgently.

"Bravo Two, hold what you got." Jason ordered.

"Copy."

"They walk up on those dead bodies, we're screwed." Sonny said, seeing the men as they came into view.

"Bravo One, This is Havoc Base, what's your status?"

"Stand by." Jason said as he watched the men walking. "Havoc, this is One. We're gonna need a direct exfil fast."

"Copy that, Bravo One."

"Take 'em." Jason ordered and gunfire erupted from his team.

"They know we're here now Boss."

"Bravo 2 to 1, we made entry." Ray said over coms. "West side."

"Ray, take your team right."

"Copy that."

After taking a shot and killing one of the men that had been hiding inside Ray turned to the guys, "It's not Vadim."

"Keep moving." Jason ordered.

Walking into a room with a bunch of creepy santa figures, "What the hell is this?" Clay asked.

"I'm on the naughty list." Sonny smirked.

As the two teams met in the main part of the house they breached the double door. Walking through and seeing a former parlor with stairs and open interior hallways, Ray turned to Jason, "What the hell is this place?"

"Upstairs." Was all Jason responded as he pointed his gun upwards.

As the team searched room by room, Jason's frustration grew. They were taking too long. When they reached the last door finding it locked as the clocks chimed eleven, Jason's brain flashed back to almost getting blown up. Ray's hand on his shoulder brought him back and he stepped away from the door allowing another one of the team to shoot the lock.

Once the door was open they could see Vadim. "Every man has an end." He said, sitting at the table, dripping with sweat and a gun a few inches in front of him on the table. "I'm fine with this one."

"So am I." Jason said, as Vadim reached for his gun, pulling the trigger and hitting the man in the forehead. "Havoc this is One, passing Baba Booey."

"Time to go, brother." Ray said with a smile as he led the team out of the mansion.

Once they were safely in the helo, Jason looked around at his team...his family, and leaned his head back closing his eyes. "You good, Jace?" Ray asked him, but the man was asleep. With the death of Vadim came the end to his nightmare and Ray smiled, even if this was only temporary it was a good sign to see their team leader relax.

* * *

"Ah, come on, grab some beers, will you?" Jason said passing beers around everyone on the plane. "Here, grab one of these cold ones...Here you go, boys. Just pass them around...here you go...Sonny-incoming!" he said before tossing one to the man. "All right, look, I just got something I want to say. You know, Bravo absorbed a lot of punches on this one, but I'll tell you what. We became stronger after it. Always have. Let's raise up the bottle and the cans, whatever you got. This one is for Ensign Davis for bagging her first whale!"

As the team let out a chorus of cheers, Jason snuck off to a separate part of the plane where he had a view of his men, Ray following him, "Takedown of Vadim was pretty ninja, huh?"

"Yeah, it was ninja. Told you I was stronger than ever. You gonna be able to keep up?" Jason asked his best friend.

"Oh, just bring it, man."

"Yeah, all right. Bring it."

"Mm-hmm."

"Whenever you're ready, Ray."

"Take it you weren't hearing any, uh, footsteps out there, huh?" Ray asked him, bringing him back to reality.

"May have heard a few." Jason said as he turned to look at his friend.

"That gonna be a problem?"

"No. Not with my brothers around me." Jason said, wanting to believe it.

"Wolf's only as strong as the pack, right?"

"I got a strong pack." Jason told Ray. "I got a strong pack." He repeated before moving away from his best friend, his head still was not on straight and he couldn't slip in front of him, at least not right now.

A couple minutes later Eric hopped up to where Jason was still watching his team, "Allright, listen up." He said, "I got some important business to deal with...regarding Bravo One's future." As Jason watched the reaction of his team he suddenly felt nervous, "Seems that Master Chief Hayes has a lot more doors to kick down. He's decided to reenlist for two more years."

Hearing the cheers around the plane, Jason stepped forward, raising his beer. "Sure you're good, brother?" Ray asked him when he looked back.

"I'm good." Jason answered him quietly.

"Always here for you."

"I know you are."

"Hey." Clay called out as he stepped forward.

"Yeah?" Jason answered turning around to face the man he looked to as his own son.

"All in all the time. Right, boss?" Clay asked, reaching his bottle up to Jason.

Clinking his bottle to Clay's he smiled, "All the time."

"You know, for centuries, service men and women have answered the call of duty in national defense. And nothing more solemnly affirms one's commitment to that duty better than the enlistment oath of office. Taking on this incredible burden by sacrificing one's livelihood and potentially one's life freely, without mental reservation or purpose of evasion." Eric said as he watched Bravo Team stand up and walk forward towards where they stood. Turning to face the team, Eric called out, "Attention to orders." Turning back to face Jason as Clay and Ray held a flag behind him, "Master Chief Hayes, raise your right hand. Repeat after me: I do solemnly swear to support and defend the Constitution of the United States."

"I do solemnly swear to support and defend the Constitution of the United States."

"Against all enemies, foreign and domestic."

"Against all enemies, foreign and domestic."

"That I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same."

"That I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same."

"And that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States."

"And that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States."

"And the orders of the officers appointed over me."

"And the orders of the officers appointed over me."

"According to regulations..."

"According to regulations..."

"...and the uniform code of military justice."

"...and the uniform code of military justice."

"So help me, God."

"So help me, God." Jason finished, reaching his right arm out and pulling Eric into a tight hug.

Once the excitement died down and the team found places to lay down and get some rest Jason walked down and sat down next to Clay. "You good, Dad?" Clay asked, knowing that the only one who would stand a chance of hearing was Mandy.

"I'm gonna need ya Kid." Jason told him.

"You slept on the helo. Been a while since you've been able to do that." Clay pointed out.

"Need my pack close. Need you close." He told Clay.

"We've got you, you know that."

"How are you boys doing?" Mandy asked, coming over and sitting down on the other side of Jason.

"Feel better knowing my pack is close." Jason said, looking between Clay and Mandy. Clay moved to turn in his seat and grimaced as his leg cramped up. "Lay back and get your leg up." Jason told him.

"Leg's fine." Clay mumbled, frustrated that it was sore at all.

"Fine my ass. Last twenty-four is the most it has been used since it got blown to hell." Jason told him before reaching his arm around the kid and pulling him back into him as he kicked his legs up onto the ropes.

"I want it to be fine." Clay told him, looking up to Jason.

"You and me both. You will get there." Jason told him as he started to run his fingers through Clay's blond curls.

"You've got eyes on you." Mandy said after a minute as she looked around the plane.

"Always do." Jason told her, his eyes focused on Clay's face as he relaxed into sleep.

"You would never do that to Sonny." Mandy pointed out.

"I would and I have." Jason said, turning his head to look at her.

"When?" Mandy asked, Sonny was not the type for close contact...at least in what she had seen.

"After he got stuck in the tube...after he was shot...same thing relaxes all of us." Jason shrugged.

"Why are you different with Clay?" Mandy asked him, knowing that he had never been nor will ever be the same with Sonny as he is with Clay.

"I need him to learn from my mistakes...he can be better."

"Better than he is now, or better than you?"

"Both." Jason told her. "He wants a family and the teams. I want him to have what he wants and if that means doing whatever I can to make sure his heart stays pure..."

"Two more years."

"Yeah." Jason acknowledged.

"You talk to Emma about reenlisting?"

"I told her I was going to."

"And she was okay with it?"

"She told me I had to retire when she had kids." Jason deadpanned.

"Emma said that?"

"She did." Jason chuckled. "She also said that wouldn't be for a few years."

"Ray said you fell asleep on the helo."

"He did." Clay mumbled sleepily and Jason smiled softly and held Clay's cheek in his hand.

"Did you tell the boys that you were still struggling with losing Alana?" Mandy dared. She didn't need Jason to answer, Clay turning onto his side and hugging Jason's arm into him was answer enough. She knew that they would watch out for Jason when she was not able to and that was enough for her. "You know I am only a call away."

Once the team was back on the ground they scattered. Mandy and Jason were the only two left in the parking lot and she climbed into the truck with him to go get tacos before she had to catch her flight back to DC. As Jason hugged her in the drop off area of the airport he breathed in her scent with a shaky breath, "Take care of yourself, Mandy."

"I am just a plane ride away if you need me." She told him, before tipping her head up and kissing his cheek. "Have a feeling I will be seeing you soon though."

"When you land..."

"I will let you know." Mandy smiled, sliding her arms down to his hands before letting go.

"See you." Jason said, unable to say anymore.

"Love you, Jace." Mandy smiled to him before turning and walking quickly inside before she allowed a tear to fall.

Jason drove home, feeling numb as he attempted to process the last few weeks. When he entered his apartment he was met with a wall of coldness. Empty. Lonely. As he looked around he felt the air leave his lungs. Making his way across the apartment his eyes darted around before he dropped onto the ground, bringing his knees to his chest he allowed his tears to fall.


End file.
